Krampusnacht 2021
The Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon goat Krampus followed by two black cats named Naughty and Nacht
Santa Claus’ personal barber Tiny Tony the elf was watching the news on his television set in his North Pole barber shop (where his outside barber pole was the North Pole).
News was coming in from around the world.
George Soros, Dr. Anthony Fauci, Bill Gates, Xi Jinping (whose puppet organization the WHO named the latest Covid-19 variant Omicron (an anagram for “moronic”) rather than Xi the next letter in the Greek alphabet) and World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab had all been placed in the sack of Krampus the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon goat where he’d carry them down to Tartarus.
The CEOs of Facebook, Twitter, Google and YouTube had likewise been placed in the sack to be whisked down to Tartarus.
As Krampus carried the howling screaming masterminds behind the Covid-19 plandemic in his sack past the remains of an old 1970s discoteque, this song was played by a disc jockey’s ghost, “Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno…”
Which of course was going to be the fate of Soros, Fauci, Gates, Xi, Schwab and the social media tech giant CEOs.
The North Pole News then did a story from Athens, Greece from yesterday where a Greek Orthodox priest named Father Ioannis Diotis had shouted at Jorge Mario Bergoglio as he entered the Orthodox Archbishopric in Athens, “Pope, you are a heretic.”
A well roasted looking ghost of the 1st Century Gnostic heretic Cerinthus (from whom Saint John the Apostle had once fled a Roman bath house upon seeing Cerinthus) remarked, “I cannot disagree.”
The next story was from Los Angeles California where late night TV talk show host and alleged so-called comedian Stephen Colbert had a cream pie thrown in his face by an invisible entity (whom some Harvey Wallbanger drinking individuals claimed was a 6 foot 8 tall purple bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears) after attending a Temple of Moloch worship service (the Temple of Moloch was one of the few religious institutions allowed to operate under California Gov. Gavin Newsom’s draconian Covid-19 lockdowns).
While fying on a magic cat litterbox ride over the Eiffel Tower in Paris, Krampus’ sack was intercepted by the fallen Archangel Mephistopheles.
Mephistopheles cut the sack open to let the gang of evil psychopaths go.
For they were all of vital importance to fulfilling Hell’s agenda.
Pope Francis got down on his knees and thanked his God of Surprises when he heard the evil psychopaths were released.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday December 5th
2021.
Another August Evening and Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos
Genetically created satyr serial kiler Pan Goatee was recently proclaimed a god by the League For The Beautification of Mother Earth.
His enthronement ceremony was held this past Sunday August 22nd at a replica of the Third Temple of Diana of The Ephesians located at Miniaturk Park in Istanbul, Turkey.
Pan Goatee being enthroned as a god by the League For The Beautification of Mother Earth.
The event held in the replica Third Temple of Diana of the Ephesians was sponsored by the Quasar Astral Laser Machete Manufacturing Company and Krampus’ Extreme Weight Loss Clinics.
Pan had been flown to Istanbul and back on Yaldabaoth The Irish Leprechaun’s pet pterodactyl Simon Majestic.
Today Pan Goatee had gone down to the City of Calgary Planning and Engineering Department to behead all the brainless city planners and engineers who had ripped up all the sidewalks in Pan Goatee’s section of town.
Calgary’s Neo-Bolshevik Communist Mayor Naheed Nenshi put out a call to hire a whole bunch of new engineers and city planners as their current batch were now all dead.
The last whining and snivelling brainless city planner to be beheaded by Pan Goatee had told the satyr prior to beheading, “It wasn’t our fault. Shaw Cable had asked us to rip up the sidewalks and sides of the roads so they could put in new fibre optic cables to be part of the Mark of The Beast system that is currently being rolled out through the introduction of vaccine passports.”
Pan Goatee went down to the offices of Shaw Cable in Calgary and beheaded all their executives.
A call was put out for job interviews to fill vacancies in Executive positions at Shaw Cable since their current batch of executives were now all dead.
Tonight as Pan Goatee went for a walk in his neighbourhood, he encountered an ugly looking female cyclist.
“My God but you’re ugly,” Goatee commented in John Cleese Basil Fawlty style fashion as he beheaded her.
He then went to the Dollarama store.
There was nothing really good on sale for a dollar tonight so he left.
As he was exiting, his eyes were visually assaulted by a fat ugly blimp with pink and purple hair.
“What makes you think you fat ugly blimps are any better looking by dyeing your hair pink and purple?” Goatee pulled out his astral laser machete and beheaded the repulsively ugly creature, “It doesn’t work. All you’re doing is making the hair dye manufacturers richer before you die.”
Krampus the Demon Goat emerged from a nearby pit (where a sidewalk used to be) and carried off the dismembered remains of both the fat ugly blimp with pink and purple hair as well as the ugly female cyclist.
. . .
The Israeli Ambassador to The Vatican was meeting with the demonically possessed Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) to express the concern of Israel’s leading chief rabbis over a recent papal address in which Francis had attacked the Law of Moses (including and especially the Ten Commandments).
As Francis’ eyes glowed demonically red and his head spun around in 360 degree fashion and he vomited forth ripped pages of the first 5 books of the Bible, the pontiff growled and hissed, “We are legion. I was recently joined by Communist cardinals and archbishops from the Americas in saying that taking the vaccine is an act of love. So take the vaccine, dammit.”
“But almost all of us in Israel did take the vaccine,” the Ambassador pointed out, “And now 85% of the Covid cases in Israel are among the vaccinated.”
“Well Hitler would probably love that,” the Pontiff hissed before breaking into a rendition of,
“The babe in his cradle is closing his eyes,
The stag in the forest runs free
But gather together to greet the storm,
Tomorrow belongs to me….”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 25th
2021.
Pan Goatee, The Demon Possessed Pope and Krampus The Demon Goat of Bavaria and Austro-Hungary
Pan Goatee: He gets by with a little help from his friends.
Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was trying to manoevre the streets and sidewalks of Calgary which seem to be totally ripped up this summer and turned into huge pits designed for pedestrians to fall into.
In addition to the sidewalks being ripped up with huge gaping pits around for pedestrians to fall into, the bloody assholes from the City of Calgary kept on moving the bus stops.
You generally had to walk anywhere from 6 to 8 blocks to find a bus stop.
Most fell into the pits where sidewalks used to be and were never heard or seen from again.
And tragedy of tragedies, ironically enough, the only pedestrians who didn’t seem to fall into the pits were the city’s quite repulsive and hideously ugly fat ugly blimps.
They used the power of the dark magic witchcraft of Hecate (in her crone form which was her ugliest form) to avoid the pits the City of Calgary construction (more appropriately named deconstruction) crews had dug.
Pat Goatee used his high IQ and powerful intellect to manoevre around these pits.
Fat ugly blimps used the most diabolical of dark magic witchcraft to avoid the pits where sidewalks used to be.
Goatee was trying to locate a bus stop when a fat ugly blimp tried to pass him.
“All these bloody construction crews must have opened up the gates of Hell in digging these pits allowing these fat ugly blimps to come up from the netherworld from Hecate’s Elephantine Sized Human Chamber of Horrors,” Goatee commented as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Krampus the demon goat of Bavaria and Austria-Hungary emerged from one of the pits and carried the fat ugly blimp’s remains back down to Hell.
Goatee eventually found a bus stop.
A bus finally arrived at the stop about 20 minutes later.
8 blocks later, the bus stopped at another stop.
A fat ugly blimp got on the bus at the bus stop.
“How do you fat ugly blimps manage to avoid falling into those pits where sidewalks used to be?” Goatee remarked as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces, “It’s an even bigger mystery than who built the pyramids, who built Stonehenge and how do they get the Caramilk inside the Caramilk bar? Although you fat ugly blimps have probably eaten enough Caramilk bars in your life to be able to figure out that mystery.”
Krampus the demon goat of Bavaria and Austro-Hungary got on the bus where he packed up and carried the remains of the just beheaded and dismembered fat ugly blimp into the nearest pit (where a sidewalk used to be) and carried the fat ugly blimp down to Hell.
Goatee made a mental note to himself to go down to the City of Calgary Planning and Engineering Department next week and behead and dismember all of the assholes who work there.
Goatee went home and watched his favourite soap opera The Young and The Restless.
Goatee had come to the conclusion that the character of Billy Abbott was a jackass and he’d behead and dismember the fellow if he ever met him.
After watching the news which, like most mainstream news, was full of Neo-Bolshevik Communist Covid-1984 propaganda, Goatee left to go eat at a nearby Vietnamese restaurant.
The restaurant was of course full of Vietnamese people (which was a sign that excellent real authentic Vietnamese food was cooked there).
There was only one other white person in the restaurant besides Pan Goatee and with Pan Goatee’s typical bad luck, that one white person happened to be a fat ugly blimp.
Goatee immediately beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
“I wish someone,” Goatee remarked, “would invent a nuclear bomb that killed fat ugly blimps and left other people intact. It would be a good idea to detonate it over the entire City of Calgary. My astral laser machete can only do so much.”
Krampus the demon goat of Bavaria and Austro-Hungary entered the restaurant and after placing a take-out order for Beef Spring Rolls, packed up the remains of the latest beheaded and dismembered fat ugly blimp and carried her into the nearby closest pit (where a sidewalk used to be) and transported the Hecate and Oprah worshipping fat ugly blimp down to Hell.
He later returned to pick up his Beef Spring Rolls.
. . .
The U.S. Ambassador To The Vatican was having a rare Friday evening meetng with Pope Francis.
The Ambassador was bringing a message from the senile old fool Baphomet, Baal, Moloch and Mephistopheles worshipping “Catholic” President Joe Biden on how to proceed with their latest plans for a Neo-Bolshevik Communist One World Government.
“What do you think of this Pan Goatee character?” The Ambassador asked Francis as the story on the radio in the papal study was about Pan Goatee’s latest slayings, “Do you think he’s demonically possessed?”.
Being the liberal modernist “Catholic” that he was, he didn’t really believe in demonic possession or even in the Supernatural for that matter but somehow his Darwinian/Teilhardian evolutionary philosophy really couldn’t explain someone like Pan Goatee.
“We are Legion,” said Francis as his eyes turned blazing fiery red and his head started spinning around and he started vomiting out copies of Pope Benedict XVI’s 2007 Motu Proprio Summorum Pontificum from his mouth.
As Francis kept repeating over and over, “We are Legion” and gave every sign of being demonically possessed himself, the U.S. Ambassador to the Vatican decided that now might be the time to leave.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 20th
2021.
Qonzilqointec Takes In Carmen At The Royal Opera House
Qonzilqointec Takes In Carmen At The Royal Opera House
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was in London.
She was to meet her date Dracul Van Helsing this evening to attend the Royal Opera House performance of Georges Bizet’s Carmen.
Interestingly enough, the Bavarian and Austro-Hungarian goat demon Krampus (who had been down in Cornwall visiting his father’s grave) had had tickets to attend this evening’s performance of Carmen.
But at the last minute, the goat demon had come down with a severe allergy to the melody and tune of the song Habanera that Carmen sings in Act 1.
And that was his favourite part of the whole opera so Krampus was unable to attend.
He left his ticket at the box office so some last minute person could buy it.
The ticket was purchased by Dr. Cadbury Rocher who had just finished his final touches on the cannabis pot smoking cactus plant Magical Mystery Tour that was to be delivered to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in Ottawa.
Qonzilqointec and Dracul talked to Dr. Rocher in the lobby prior to curtain call.
They discussed the Iowa caucus which turned out to be a public relations disaster for the U.S. Democratic Party.
The app that was supposed to give the results to the State Committee had failed.
“I was just talking to Renfield about this,” Dr. Rocher said to the Aztec vampiress and Van Helsing referring to the British MP who served on the UK House of Commons Intelligence and Foreign Affairs Committee, “and he’s already determined what happened. Apparently the app was hacked by the billionaire Egyptian vampire Set’s pet cat Nefertiti Galore, Boris Johnson’s pet Jack Russell-cross dog Dilyn and a couple of Her Majesty the Queen’s Welsh corgis.”
“Who did the Iowa Democrats get to develop this app for them?” Dracul inquired.
“Apparently some nutty Australian who calls himself Uncle Ernie,” Rocher replied, “who interestingly enough was arrested at London’s Heathrow Airport yesterday for trying to enter the country illegally. To say nothing of showing up at airport Customs in the nude.”
The Royal Opera House announcer announced that this evening’s performance would start in 5 minutes.
The three headed into the auditorium to take their seats.
Krampus who was listening to the performance on the radio while taking a bath in his hotel room broke into a severe case of hives when the lead female singer playing Carmen started singing Habanera.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 4th
2020
Dracul Van Helsing 
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