Freya, Chiron and Nanook Tulok

October 17, 2022 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Norse goddess Freya in a temple in Canada’s high Arctic

The Greek centaur Chiron and the mysterious Inuit supernatural being Nanook Tulok were surprised to see a Norse temple in Canada’s High Arctic.

They were even more surprised to see the Norse goddess Freya standing inside the temple.

“Freya, what are you doing here?” An astonished Chiron asked the Norse goddess Freya who was Queen of the Valkyries.

“I might ask the same of you, oh great and noble centaur,” Freya answered, “your homeland was originally ancient Greece and then Zeus placed you among the constellations when you renounced your immortality in favour of Prometheus.”

“He also renounced his immortality to get rid of the pain of the poisoned arrow that Hercules accidentally shot into him,” Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who was along for the sleigh ride with Chiron and Nanook Tulok) pointed out.

Yaldabaoth had been bathing in geothermal baths outside Reykjavik Iceland in order to get rid of the smell of a volcanic bubble explosion in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming that he had been involved in.

When Yaldabaoth saw Chiron and the upright standing on two legs giant polar bear Nanook Tulok who could talk in 153 different languages pull up in their sleigh pulled by 9 magic reindeer (they are not the same magic reindeer that pull Santa’s sleigh), Yaldabaoth asked if he could go along for the ride.

Chiron and the walking talking polar bear agreed.

“So what are you fellows up to?” Yaldabaoth asked the centaur and the polar bear after he had bought a dozen popsicles and fudgesicles from a Good Humour Ice Cream man who was riding a bicycle buit for two while the speaker on his ice cream selling bicycle played that old song A Bicyle Built For Two.

The Good Humour Ice Cream man also gave Yaldabaoth a daisy flower and an autographed photo of Donald Trump to accompany the dozen popsicles and dozen fudgesicles.

“We’re on a mission for Set Enterprises in London,” Chiron replied.

“You don’t say?” Yaldabaoth unwrapped both a popsicle and a fudgesicle and stuck both in his mouth, “I occasionally do freelance work for them.”

“We’re here to find where soldiers in the army of Kaiser Wilhelm II buried an immortal horse,” Nanook Tulok polished his crossbow, “The archives of World War I German Intelligence indicate they buried it somewhere in Canada’s High Arctic.”

“An immortal horse?” Yaldabaoth opened a small jar of horseradish and put it on his popsicle and fudgesicle.

“His name is Excalibur Lightning,” Chiron the centaur explained as he polished his crossbow, “He became immortal after eating some Lingzhi Supernatural mushrooms along with some hay, potatoes and horseradish. He belongs to world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the lesser known twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) who also became immortal after eating a Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom omelette and drinking a Lingzhi Supernatural mushroom milkshare both prepared and made by the world famous French scientist Dr. Louis Rocher.”

“Excalibur Lightning is the fastest horse on the planet,” Nanook Tulok added as he ate some sushi, “When Great Britain and her Empire declared war on Germany on August 4th 1914, the German General Staff were terrified that Sherlock and Sherrielock’s older brother Mycroft called back into government service after 2 years of retirement might call upon Sherrielock to ride Excalibur Lightning over to Germany and then tomato Kaiser Bill’s buttocks with her riding crop in an effort to get him to pull his troops out of Belgium and France thus ending the war on the Western Front. So using a sleeping potion invented by the Kaiser’s top scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (himself immortal as a result of being struck by lightning while attempting to climb the hilltop castle of Castle Frankenstein (Burg Frankenstein) in the Odenwald overlooking the city of Darmstadt in Germany), German spies put the noble immortal horse Excalibur Lightning to sleep and then placed him aboard a German U-Boat The Valkyrie that had sailed up the River Thames. The Valkyrie then sailed back down the Thames where it entered the North Sea. It then began a long sea and ocean voyage to Canada’s high Arctic. Where it apparently buried the horse underneath a Norse temple to Freya. We find it hard to believe that there is a Norse temple to Freya in Canada’s high Arctic but it is possible that the medieval Norse did sail west of Greenland through Arctic waters.”

“Dr. Nicht Werhoffen?” Yaldabaoth scratched his beard, “I think there’s a Dr. Nicht Werhoffen who works as a scientist for the Russian FSB.”

“That’s the same fellow,” Chiron nodded, “He worked for the Kaiser’s intelligence service during World War I, became a maker of Bavarian sausages after the Kaiser’s abdication in 1918, continued in that profession throughout the 1920s and early 1930s, then with the death of German President Paul von Hindenburg on August 2nd 1934 and Adolf Hitler combining the offices of President and Chancellor into the office of Fuhrer on August 19th 1934 with himself as Fuhrer making himself the dictator and absolute ruler of Germany proclaiming both a Third Reich and a Thousand Year Reich, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then worked as a scientist for Nazi Third Reich German Intelligence. Following the defeat of Nazi Germany in 1945, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then worked as a cigarette and nylon stocking smuggler in Berlin, then East Germany or the German Democratic Republic was created on October 7th 1949 and the East German Stasi was founded on February 8th 1950. Dr. Nicht Werhoffen immediately started working for the East German Stasi that same day. It was also the same day that Dr. Nicht Werhoffen mailed a pair of poison laced nylon stockings to American FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover. The nylon stockings were laced with the same poison that Hercules accidentally shot me with from his arrow- the blood of the Hydra. The poisoned nylon stockings arrived in Hoover’s office on February 24th 1950 (exactly 72 years before Russia’s invasion of Ukraine). Fortunately for Mr. Hoover, the poisoned nylon stockings were first tried on by the FBI director’s temp secretary an eccentric Australian who called himself Uncle Ernie. Uncle Ernie is apparently immortal himself (although no one is sure of the exact source of Uncle Ernie’s immortality) and surprisingly the poison caused no pain to Uncle Ernie (although this may be due to his heavy use of psychedelic and hallucinogenic drugs). Uncle Ernie then got runs in the pair of stockings after running around Washington while being chased by a young drunken Congressman John F. Kennedy (who was thorougly bombed out of his mind at the time). The stockings were thus thrown away and sucked up by a Hoover vaccuum cleaner rather than being tried on by Mr. Hoover. And then of course after West and East Germany were united on October 3rd 1990, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then went to work for the Soviet KGB. Following Mikhail Gorbachev’s December 25th Christmas Day 1991 dissolution of the USSR, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then got a job distilling vodka for then Russian President Boris Yeltsin’s personal supply. After working up an unbelievable amount of overtime pay, Dr. Nicht Werhoffen then started working as a scientist for the Russian FSB when it was created on April 3rd 1995.”

“That’s quite the biographical detail,” Yaldabaoth opened up a can of Guinness.

Freya listened to Chiron’s and Nanook Tulok’s account of why they were here while Yaldabaoth finished the last of his 365 day supply of Guinness beer (that he managed to consume in one day).

“So the question we have for you, your Norse Majesty,” Chiron asked the beautiful Freya, “Is do you have a white horse buried under your Temple?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 17th
2022.

Permalink 2 Comments

Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka In Moscow

June 11, 2022 at 10:29 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka dressed as a Gypsy woman in Moscow

The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka was walking the streets of Moscow.

She was dressed as a Gypsy woman.

Although she was not an employee of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit, she was a friend of both vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

As such she volunteered to get involved in Set Enterprises’ latest intelligence operation against Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Set Enterprises Intelligence agent Miriam Hasafa had managed to infiltrate the inner circle of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

And now Tanaka was hoping to ensnare a Chechen warlord and ally of Vladimir Putin named Ramzan Kadyrov who had recently threatened to invade Poland over its suport of Ukraine.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had had a vision of Chechen warlord Ramzan Kadyrov as a young boy.

Apparently the young Ramzan had had sexual fantasies about the gypsy Esmeralda the gypsy heroine of Victor Hugo’s novel The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

So Tanaka stood across from a restaurant in Moscow that Ramzan Kadyrov frequented.

The Chechen warlord was inside.

When Kadyrov exited, he noticed Tanaka standing across the street.

He walked in her direction.

Like all narcissistic misogynistic assholes (although he would not be called as such by Justin Trudeau since he was not a Canadian Freedom Convoy trucker), he grabbed Tanaka and without asking, he kissed her on the lips.

She promptly stabbed him in the right buttock with a needle containing a fast acting Polish poison.

Ramzan Kadyrov fell to the ground dead.

Tanaka slipped away into the Moscow night.

And was not seen again until she returned safely to London.

The Russian FSB found Kadyrov’s body and immediately rushed him to the laboratory of Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who had been the chief mad scientist for the East German Stasi but was now the chief mad scientist for the Russian FSB) to see if the doctor could bring Kadyrov back from the dead.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 11th
2022

Permalink 6 Comments