Dr. Marmalade Montague Investigates Causes of Sulphuric Explosions
Dr. Marmalade Montague was a scientist who worked at Set Enterprises in London.
Even though he had no official background in science.
He had owned a bakery in Paris that went out of business during the 2020 plandemic lockdown under the orders of France’s Neo-Vichy tyrant Emmanuel Macron.
Still Marmalade Montague knew more about science than most of the so-called health “experts” who dispensed bad advice by the manure filled truckload during the plandemic of 2020-2021.
Dr. Marmalade Montague’s current project was investigating the causes of sulphurous explosions.
For this purpose he had sent Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who was the son of Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom) to the Yellowstone Caldera Supervolcano in Yellowstone National Park to pick up a sample of sulphurous contents bubbling up from the ground.
While Yaldabaoth was there using a baby bottle to pick up a sample from one of the bubbling craters, the crater had a major explosion.
Luckily for Yaldabaoth, being a leprechaun, he was immortal so the explosion didn’t kill him.
However it did put a dent into his plans to spend a night at the Moonlite BunnyRanch in Nevada as he could hardly go into the place smelling like rotten eggs.
The explosion did however kill a sasquatch who was walking by.
The sasquatch was currently in the process of litigation (a major lawsuit) against the man codenamed PH Unbalanced by Britain’s MI-6 Agency and the man considered the world’s most boring author.
The world’s most boring author had written a novel claiming that this sasquatch had murdered the world’s most boring sheriff’s deputy.
The claim was in fact true but what the sasquatch objected to was being written about and included as a character in a novel that was so unbelievably colossally boring.
He hadn’t been able to get a date since the novel was published as most female sasquatch and even a few gay, bisexual and transgendered sasquatch considered him too boring to date.
The sasquatch had gone to a City of Laramie Wyoming law firm to launch a lawsuit against the world’s most boring author PH Unbalanced filing the claim that “being included as a character in the world’s most boring novel written by the world’s most boring author had totally ruined his sex life”.
Now as a result of the sulphurous explosion, the sasquatch was dead.
Yaldabaoth after several months of showering would be able to have a sex life again.
The poor sasquatch being dead could not.
Dr. Marmalade Montague was also investigating the cause of Joe Biden’s sulphurous bowel movements alluded to into final (and end of life) reports written by some of the world’s late top secret agents in spy agencies.
For that, Dr. Marmalade Montague was using the visions of Michelangelo the psychic lobster.
Apparently back on January 28th 2021 (7 days after Biden was inaugurated having successfully stolen the 2020 U.S. Presidential election), senile old Joe had been invited to speak at a United Jewish Appeal dinner in New York City in March of that year.
He was not to be the number one speaker however.
He was to be the number two speaker (which was appropriate for Joe).
The number one speaker was to be the well known Jewish Rastafarian and self described “independent pharmaceutical manufacturer” from Australia known by the popular moniker of Uncle Ernie (assuming of course that Uncle Ernie wouldn’t be in jail in Australia “drummed up on some nefarious charges brought against him by the government” as Uncle Ernie would put it).
The fallen archangel Mephistopheles (who was one of Joe Biden’s 3 supernatural advisors along with Baal and Baphomet) had recommended to Joe that he send someone to try to find the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee and bring them to the U.S. for Joe Biden to eat the remains prior to giving his number two speech to the United Jewish Appeal dinner in New York City.
The Gadarene swine of course had been possessed by the demons known as Legion and had been sent by Jesus Christ into the swine after Jesus had successfully exorcised a man known as the Gadarene demoniac.
The swine then charged into the Sea of Galilee.
Thus acting on orders from Joe Biden, the American Deep State set about to recover the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.
Israeli Mossad agent Anna Chador to a Tel Aviv based scuba diver: “Would you be able to dive to the bottom of the Sea of Galilee and see if the remains of the Gadarene swine are still down there and if they are to bring them up to the surface?”.
He: Yes.
Unfortunately for Biden and Mephistopheles, those agencies associated with the American Deep State such as the CIA were having a top secret convention at Area 51 (remember this was the time of the plandemic and everything and everyone was supposed to be in lockdown) and the treats at this top secret convention were Australian Uncle Ernie’s independently made pharmaceuticals.
Thus after the convention, the CIA were in no shape whatsoever to go looking for the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.
However there were plenty of reports of sightings of UFOs and ETs at Area 51 after this convention.
Thus the spaced-out CIA outsourced the mission to the Israeli Mossad.
The task was assigned to one of Israel’s top female agents Anna Chador and after consulting with a Tel Aviv based scuba diver, a deep sea mission was undertaken and the Gadarene Swine were found perfectly preserved at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.
The bodies were raised from the depths and then flown to Washington DC.
Hell’s Kitchen chef Gordon Ramsay was brought in to cook the remains at the White House.
He made pork chops out of them which he topped with his famous homemade Sriracha laced apple sauce.
Joe Biden ate all of the Gadarene swine pork chops and apple sauce leaving the other guests at dinner hungry and awestruck at the senile old fool’s ravenous appetite.
The Gadarene swine pork chops and apple sauce remained fully stuck in Joe Biden’s intestines and could never be removed (something the fallen Archangel Mephistopheles knew would happen).
The direct result of the Gadarene swine pork chops and Sriracha laced homemade apple sauce being forever stuck in Biden’s intestines would be that he would always have sulphurous explosive bowel movements.
It was fortunate that the New York Chapter of the United Jewish Appeal decided to have their dinner and speeches via Zoom due to the plandemic.
The secret service agents guarding Biden on the night of his United Jewish Appeal Zoom dinner speech were not so lucky.
In an effort to boost the profits of the pharmaceutical manufacturing investments of one Dr. Anthony Fauci, the cause of the secret service agents’ deaths was listed as Covid rather than sulphurous fumes.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 28th
2022.
Charlotte In The Dance Studio
Charlotte in the dance studio
Vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the room known as the dance studio in the English country manor and estate he had been staying in for the past week.
The country squire and his wife who owned the estate were big fans of Latin and Ballroom Dancing.
And therefore owned their own dance studio.
“Hello, Miss Charlotte,” Van Helsing said to the woman as he entered the dance studio.
“Hello, Mr. Van Helsing,” Charlotte smiled.
“Is the ghost of the Emperor Napoleon around?” Van Helsing asked.
“He’s apparently down in London to see Trafalgar Square,” Charlotte answered.
“Well, that should prove interesting,” Van Helsing commented.
“And Squire Hawkins and his wife are visiting relatives,” Charlotte noted.
“So we’re alone on the Estate then?” Van Helsing sat down on a chair.
“Andrea Angelicus the Phoenix woman is not around?” Charlotte inquired.
“No, she’s darting back and forth across the globe,” Van Helsing explained, “And using the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern projector for time travel.”
“Time travel?” Charlotte was curious.
“Yes, by time traveling, she gave lasting fame to an artist who died young by the name of Henri Gris,” Van Helsing explained, “By posing for his most famous portrait painting entitled The Woman of Midnight. The painting has now been acquired by the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London and will soon be available for public viewing.”
“So, seeing as how we have the house to ourselves, what shall we do, Van Helsing?” Charlotte asked.
“Dance,” Van Helsing smiled as he put on an old LP record of Johann Strauss’ The Blue Danube.
. . .
Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague was walking the streets of London with Extremely Curious George the stegosaurus who was genetically created by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.
“Well, George,” Dr. Montague commented, “We seem to be getting a lot of stares from passers-by today. It must be this Armani suit I’m wearing that was a gift to me from Jerry Seinfeld. And no doubt that spiffy and colourful looking bow tie you’re wearing is drawing a lot of attention as well.”
They walked by 10 Downing Street where British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was standing at a podium in front of the door to the residence shooting his mouth off about something or other.
Extremely Curious George stood next to Johnson briefly and opened his mouth in a big wide yawn as the Prime Minister was talking.
The photo that was taken of the moment went viral on social media.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 12th
2021.
Miranda Singh Vs. The Zombie Nosferatu
British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend Amadeus Emanon were down at the Set Enterprises Laboatories in London.
They were talking with Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague while Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his aquarium playing Frederic Chopin’s Prelude In E-Minor on his underwater piano.
“So that was one of the underreported big news stories last week,” Dr. Marmalade Montague remarked, “North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un’s younger sister Kim Yo-jong is threatening to kick Joe Biden’s senile old ass.”
“I wonder if she’ll be doing that while Biden is debating Russian President Vladimir Putin on livestream,” Renfield commented, “that is if Biden accepts Putin’s challenge of a debate which I doubt he will.”
“What’s Kim Yo-jong doing issuing ultimatums on behalf of North Korea?” Amadeus Emanon asked, “Is she acting as de facto leader of North Korea?”.
“Undoubtedly,” Renfield nodded.
“What’s Kim Jong-un doing?” Amadeus wanted to know.
“Undoubtedly taking one of his lengthy refrigerator breaks,” Renfield answered, “Either that or going on a diet after one of his lengthy refrigerator breaks.”
Suddenly Michelangelo started tapping a unique sound on his piano keys.
“What is that?” Renfield listened attentively to the sound.
“It’s Morse code,” Dr. Marmalade Montague answered.
“Morse code?” Renfield looked puzzled, “I thought that went out of use when the last telegraph line was eaten by the last dinosaur.”
Extremely Curious George the recently created stegosaurus shot Renfield an extremely curious look when he walked by the room.
He continued down the hallway.
Presumably in search of the last telegraph line.
“Michelangelo saw a vision a moment ago,” Dr. Marmalade Montague started jotting down dots and dashes on his notepad with his pencil, “so not having the power of vocal speech, he’s communicating what he saw. Apparently Set Enterprises’ secret intelligence agent Miranda Singh is in mortal danger. Zombie nosferatu at the American CIA are plotting to kill her. Even now zombie nosferatu are descending upon a castle in Spain as we speak.”
“What’s Miranda doing at a castle in Spain?” Renfield asked.
“She’s currently on a modeling fashion photo shoot for Shinihas Ageless Collection,” Dr. Montague replied.
Miranda Singh’s cover was working as a fashion model at various locales in the world.
“We better warn her,” said Amadeus.
“Already on it,” Dr. Montague parted curtains next to his office water cooler.
Behind the curtains was an unusual contraption.
“That looks like a 1940s era ham radio,” Renfield remarked.
“That’s because it is,” Montague started sending out a transmission on it, “Miranda has a radio receiver in her left earring.”
Meanwhile in Joe Biden’s Oval Office, a high-ranking Neo-Bolshevik Communist official in the American CIA put down a document on Biden’s desk for him to sign.
“What is this?” Biden asked.
“A document authorizing the assassination of an enemy agent,” the CIA official answered.
“But I didn’t think my signature was required for these?” Biden looked baffled- in other words his usual self.
“Yes, but just on the off chance anything goes wrong in this case, we want the buck to stop here,” the CIA official put down an American dollar bill on Biden’s desk.
“Whose picture is this?” Biden asked.
“George Washington,” the CIA official replied.
“He looks white,” Biden looked carefully at the bill.
“He was white,” the CIA official pointed out.
“But isn’t depicting white guys a sign of racism and white privilege?” Biden scratched his head.
“It is,” the CIA official agreed, “Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is currently trying to track down a rare black and white photo of Karl Marx doing a rare minstrel show performance in London to use as the face on the new American dollar bill which will be printed in time for the next trillion dollar Covid bailout which will bankrupt this country for generations to come.”
“I see,” Biden nodded and signed the paper.
At that moment in Spain a zombie nosferatu American CIA agent (treated with a special formula invented by DARPA using a combination of goats’ milk and old photographic dark room chemical fluid that allowed zombie nosferatu to venture forth in the daylight) approached Miranda Singh.
Miranda Singh turned and faced him directly.
She unhooked her right earring (that contained a silver arrowpoint designed to kill vampires and werewolves) and threw it at him.
The zombie nosferatu fell over dead.
A multiple charging laser beam (activated by the radio receiver in her left ear) then shot out and went forth and killed all the zombie nosferatu in the immediate vicinity.
It was a photo shoot that the Shinihas Ageless Collection camera crew would never forget.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 24th
2021.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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