Hitler’s Ghost Views Paris and The Eiffel Tower As Amadeus and Angelique Make Out

August 23, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Hitler’s Ghost Views Paris and The Eiffel Tower As Amadeus and Angelique Make Out

Amadeus Emanon and his girlfriend the New Orleans vampiress Angelique Dumont were spending a romantic getaway in Paris France 🇫🇷.

The vampiress had stocked up on Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s special sunblock which prevented vampiresses from being fried to a crisp in the daylight sun.

They boated along the Seine River and lunched in elegant Parisienne street cafes as artists painted their portraits.

They watched someone wearing a Donald Trump mask dive into the river and announce to the world, “It’s official. I’m in Seine.”

They visited Notre Dame Cathedral and kissed under one of the gargoyles.

Not since the Hunchback of Notre Dame had lit up the night with Esmeralda the gypsy had the gargoyle seen such action.

Amadeus and Angelique then went to a spot with a great view of the Eiffel Tower and made out there.

Moments before, Amadeus had received a text message from his friend the British MP Renfield R. Renfield pointing out that today was the 79th Anniversary of the signing of the Nazi-Soviet Pact.

Renfield said he had just posted a message on the timeline of Vladimir Putin’s Facebook page to that effect and got a bunch of Russian 🇷🇺 expletives hurled at him in return.

And speaking of Nazis, Hitler’s Ghost had temporarily left the body of the grey wolf he was possessing and was walking in astral spirit form through the streets of Paris recounting memories of his glorious triumphal trip to Paris on June 28th 1940 after he had conquered the French nation.

He stood alongside Amadeus and Angelique as they looked at their tourist maps (fearing that Trump’s NSA would monitor the GPS on their smart phones) and stood looking out at the city before he then turned and gazed at the Eiffel Tower.

He then looked at Amadeus and Angelique who had dropped their tourist maps and were now kissing.

“Oh,” Der Fuhrer mused aloud to himself, “to be alive and young and in Paris.”

Coincidentally at that very same moment, Donald Trump was saying the exact same thing as he was watching an old reality TV show with Paris Hilton on Netflix.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 23rd
2018.

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Nikola Tesla, Tantric Sex and The Eiffel Tower

November 28, 2017 at 8:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Radio, Romance, Science, Technology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Nikola Tesla, Tantric Sex and The Eiffel Tower

The stranger stood at the window of the Paris apartment he had rented for his birthday.

He lit a cigarette and gazed at the Eiffel Tower in the distance.

He then turned and looked at the beautiful woman who sat on his bed.

She looked exactly like the woman in one of his favourite contemporary music videos.

She was even wearing the same red halter top and sexy red skirt that the woman was wearing in the video.

He had run into her in a Paris martini 🍸 bar earlier this evening and was glad that “of all the martini bars in Paris he could have walked into, he walked into that one” to paraphrase a comment made by Humphrey Bogart in the movie Casablanca.

“Are you coming to bed?” She purred at him.

“I am,” the stranger put a Tesla coil and radio receiver on the window sill, “and with you with me, I’ll probably be coming in bed as well.”

He adjusted the wireless frequency on his Apple Watch ⌚️ and then walked over to the bed and started passionately kissing the woman in the red skirt.

She fell backwards on to the bed and raised her skirt.

The stranger noticed that she wasn’t wearing any panties.

He smiled.

He was glad to be with a woman who followed that Girl Guide motto Be Prepared.

As he mounted her, a wireless transmission hit the receiver at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

The wireless transmission had actually been sent 114 years earlier back on July 14th 1903 by Nicola Tesla at his Wardenclyffe Tower in Shoreham, Long Island, New York.

The Eiffel Tower then relayed the transmission to the Tesla coil and radio receiver on the window sill of the birthday celebrating stranger’s rented apartment.

The Tesla coil and radio receiver then sent the transmission to the stranger’s Apple Watch as a receiver.

The transmission then sent a major electrical discharge through the man’s body and the body of the woman in the red skirt causing both to have a major earth shaking climax and orgasm simultaneously.

“Holy Christ,” the woman shouted.

“Well, I’ve always thought of myself as the world’s greatest sinner but thanks for the compliment,” the man fell backwards on to his pillow and lit a cigarette.

As a result of this birthday night orgy of Teslian physics and tantric sex, the world was about to change forever.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 28th
2017.

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Qonzilqointec Melts The Ice

March 18, 2014 at 7:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec Melts The Ice

The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec had been called by her good friend Arizona Sen. John McCain asking for help in de-thawing the U.S. government’s most pre-eminent hired assassin Pan Goatee.

The astral projecting genetically created half-man half- goat satyr and professional serial killer turned U.S. government agent had been frozen in a terrible Washington D.C. snow storm several weeks ago.

Despite all their best efforts while burning the midnight oil (especially burning the midnight oil) the top research scientists at DARPA could not de-thaw the creature.

In desperation, one of the directors of DARPA phoned John McCain for help.

In turn, McCain turned to his friend Princess Qonzilqointec.

McCain figured that a hot looking young looking 600- odd year old Aztec Vampiress (like most women over 30, she wouldn’t reveal her true age) who looked the spitting image of the hot and sultry actress Salma Hayek might be sizzlingly hot enough to de-thaw Pan Goatee.

So McCain phoned Qonzilqointec.

He had to wait half an hour while Her Vampiric Highness chewed out Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro on the other line.

She told Maduro that he was a despot and a tyrant who oppressed his people and that he had neither the charisma nor compassion of his predecessor Hugo Chavez.

She told Maduro that he didn’t have the testicles Chavez did and she included in that the state of testicles of Chavez’s currently decomposing body.

After Maduro hung up the phone to have a much needed bowel movement, Qonzilqointec took Sen. McCain’s call.

When McCain explained to Qonzilqointec the situation, she immediately boarded her luxury jet and flew up to Washington D.C.

She arrived at DARPA Headquarters wearing a see-through Versace evening dress.

She only paid €25,000 for this dress.

She had to laugh at her rival for world domination- the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis who stupidly paid €50,000 for her Versace evening dress and then ruined it by flying around Paris on a smog-filled evening and flying directly into the Eiffel Tower.

As Qonzilqointec walked by the guards outside DARPA headquarters while wearing her see-through Versace evening dress, she caused them to have huge bulging erections in their pants.

The sole exception was the guard who was gay.

Although the gay guard happened to have a crush on Justin Bieber and at that moment he was mentally conjuring in his mind those haunting yet so arousing TV images he saw of Justin Bieber in handcuffs.

So he too had a bulging erection in his trousers.

They got Qonzilqointec into the DARPA research lab where the Aztec Vampiress promptly mounted Pan Goatee’s giant ice cube and went to work.

“I’ll never be able to look at an ice cube in the same way again,” a DARPA administrator commented after watching the scene with riveted attention for several minutes.

“My wife’s going to notice that I’ll be spending even more time around the refrigerator than usual,” another DARPA administrator remarked.

“It’s alive,” a female DARPA scientist gasped.

“Oh yes, yes, yes!” Qonzilqointec screamed.

“I’m glad I use Clairol Herbal Essences Shampoo on my body hair,” were Pan Goatee’s first words as he came back to life.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 18th
2014

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Renfield Seeks A Knighthood

March 16, 2014 at 6:06 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Seeks A Knighthood

Amadeus Emanon and Athelstan the butler were having a tough time around the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set these days.

For Renfield R. Renfield had become an insufferable braggard.

Well even more of an insufferable braggard than usual.

He had returned from Paris almost a month ago after being hailed as a national hero by the French for cutting off the ear of the most unpopular judge on the Parisienne Idol talent show.

Now it was said by many that Renfield was the genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human that Simon Cowell was most afraid of.

In addition to that, Renfield had recently started watching the American television show The Blacklist.

Now he was busy boasting to Amadeus and Athelstan that the show’s character of Raymond “Red” Reddington was most likely modeled on him Renfield R. Renfield.

“Notice that even our initials are the same- R. R. R.,” Renfield bragged.

And of course Renfield had never let anyone forget the fact that he had been nominated for the French Legion of Honour Medal for cutting off the Parisienne Idol judge’s ear.

Even the Vampire Set had been spending most of his time either outside the mansion giving advice to the Bank of England or safely locked away in his sarcophagus in the mansion’s Egyptology Room as part of his effort to escape Renfield’s nauseating bragging.

“Even the Paris atmosphere likes me,” Renfield boasted after downing several kegs of Newcastle Brown Ale which he had mistaken for barrels of naturally pure London rainwater, “when I was in Paris, the air was clear. Now the City is enveloped in smog with me gone.”

The ghastly Paris smog had caused the Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis to be rushed to hospital after she flew into the Eiffel Tower while she was out flying because she couldn’t see where she was going due to the heavy smog.

While being admitted to the hospital emergency room, she did a lot of complaining not because of her injuries but because she had ruined her €50,000 Versace evening dress.

Now Renfield R. Renfield’s next goal in life was to receive a knighthood from Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

“Do you suppose Her Majesty the Queen will ever give me a knighthood?” Renfield had asked Athelstan causing the butler to spill tea and crumpets all over himself when Renfield asked the question.

After reading a blog entry written by his boss Set’s mortal enemy (as opposed to Set’s immortal enemy the Vampiress Isis) the Canadian vampire hunter Christopher Dracul Van Helsing, Renfield got an idea.

Being the excellent hacker he was, he started hacking into various communications systems all over the Asia-Pacific and Indian Ocean regions.

Finally Renfield noticed a very intriguing pattern as he analyzed various satellite and tracking maps.

“Malaysia used to be a British colony didn’t it, Athelstan?” Renfield asked the encyclopedically knowledgeable butler and valet.

“Yes, sir,” Athelstan answered as he carefully carried the tray of tea and crumpets down the hallway.

“Do you suppose the Queen would give me a knighthood if I was the one who found the location of the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370?” Renfield asked.

A loud crash could be heard coming from the hallway.

“I was so looking forward to that plate of tea and crumpets,” Amadeus sighed from the next room.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 16th
2014.

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