Byzantine Vampiress Theodora Is In Scotland Doing Advertising In Romanian
The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora was in a photo shoot in a beautiful Bed and Breakfast on Scotland’s Loch Lomond. It was for an ad in a Romanian magazine.
The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora was the subject of a vampiress hunt by governments all over the world as it was suspected she was involved in plots to stop the George Soros/Bill Gates/Klaus Schwab/ Pope Francis New World Order.
Byzantine Vampiress Theodora: A threat to the New World Order
Among the governments of the world embedded (venereally) with the New World Order was the government of Australia 🇦🇺.
Already three Australian states had lined up to enforce Digital IDs on their citizens.
Australia’s National Government of Anthony Albanese (after attending a weekend convention where the person in charge had ordered Bud Light Beer instead of Foster’s) had just named a notorious Australian drag queen who went by the name of Uncle Ernie to be the covert head of Australia’s foreign intelligence operations.
The news was greeted with sheer delight by the CCP Politburo in Beijing.
As the new covert head of Australia’s foreign intelligence operations, Uncle Ernie was sent to the UK to reign in the Byzantine vampiress Theodora.
He discovered that she was involved in a photo shoot on the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.
Likewise Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, working for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit, had discovered that Theodora was involved in a photo shoot on the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond.
After snorting 3 dozen ounces of crack cocaine, Uncle Ernie decided to take the high road to Scotland 🏴.
He got into his motor vehicle 🚗 and eventually ended up crashing into the ruins of an Augustinian abbey in the town of Jedburgh, Scotland.
Uncle Ernie was arrested by Scottish police and charged with Driving Under The Influence as well as desecrating a Scottish national monument.
Dracul Van Helsing rented Mr. Bean’s mini car and thus took the low road to Scotland 🏴.
In this journey, he was accompanied by the ghost of Orson Welles.
Welles’ ghost wore a spectral Redpath tartan kilt and sporran and had a large steaming ghostly plate of Scottish haggis on his lap.
After hitting many a bump on the road to Scotland in Mr. Bean’s very low mini (always accompanied by excruciatingly earth shattering screams from Welles’ ghost), there was not much left of the plate of haggis by the time they reached the Scottish border.
As they passed Jedburgh, they noticed Uncle Ernie, wearing a Christian Dior evening gown plus handcuffs, being loaded into the back of a Scottish police van.
Eventually the duo reached Loch Lomond.
Van Helsing entered the B. and B. on the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond and encountered Theodora wearing the same dress as she was in this ad:
Naturally Van Helsing made out with Theodora on the spot.
Welles’ ghost, suspecting that Van Helsing was probably making out with Theodora, decided not to enter the B. and B.
Instead he walked down to the shore of Loch Lomond where he encountered a female Scottish pixie 🧚♀️ who threw him to the shore and made out with him.
The Loch Ness Monster (who had somehow wound up in Loch Lomond after a package thrown from the back of a Scottish police cruiser had wound up in Loch Ness and Nessie had discovered the contents and devoured them) came upon the spectacle of a kilt and sporran wearing Orson Welles’ ghost making out with a female Scottish pixie 🧚♀️.
“Oh my Void,” Nessie screamed.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 16th
2023.
Anne Boleyn’s Ghost Seen On Cornish Coast Today
The ghost of Anne Boleyn (with her head re-attached) was seen on the coast of Cornwall in front of an alleged castle of King Arthur today
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had not been invited to the Coronation this past Saturday by His Majesty King Charles III as His Majesty personally disliked the man (even though Charles had sent him to a secret conference in Vienna last month to see if the MP could help negotiate a peace treaty between Russia and Ukraine).
As consolation, Paddington Bear (who was one of Charles’ aides-de-camp) had sent Renfield a jar 🏺 of his (Paddington’s) favourite marmalade since the bear did like Renfield.
As it was, it was just as well that Renfield didn’t attend the Coronation or any of the Coronation related events (such as the Windsor Castle concert) because Renfield was asked to engage in a paranormal investigation that day.
Apparently the ghost of Anne Boleyn (who was usually seen walking around the Tower of London carrying her head in her hands) was seen walking around the Tower of London with her head re-attached to the rest of her body.
The Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby (who was called Makeus Sickby by Canada’s leading archivist Jack Morrow and who was no longer recognized as head of the global Anglican Communion by the Bible believing Anglican Churches of Africa) was informed of the apparition.
However in addition to crowning Charles at the Coronation in Westminster Abbey (where he had trouble putting the Crown 👑 on Charles’ head), the Archbishop was also partaking in a same sex wedding blessing that day between two motor vehicles 🚗 🚗 who had rear ended one another on the M25 motorway.
Welby passed the investigation on to Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds the Church of England’s leading Exorcist.
Father Bury Saint Edmunds was also the Vicar of St. Genevieve’s Anglo-Catholic C. of E. Parish Church in West London (the Church that Amadeus Emanon attended).
As such Father Bury Saint Edmunds was friends with Renfield R. Renfield and invited him to partake in the investigation along with Amadeus.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had just flown in from Los Angeles that day so they were invited to visit the Tower of London as well.
However despite spending all day and night at the Tower of London, the Fabulous 5 could spot no sign of the ghost of Anne Boleyn (with or without her head).
Today however, Monday May 8th 2023, the ghost of Anne Boleyn was spotted standing in front of Tintagel Castle on the Cornish coast.
Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was unavailable to go down to Cornwall today as he had been called in to Exorcise two motor vehicles that had been recently blessed by Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby.
The vehicles were possessed by the demon Baphomet and the Emperor Hadrian’s deified homosexual lover Antinous respectively.
Amadeus Emanon was performing a concert at an inner city school in London.
And British MP Renfield R. Renfield was busy with his podcasts.
So Dracul Van Helsing and the ghost of Orson Welles had rented a 1965 Volkswagen Beatle from Avis Rent A Car in London and had driven down to Cornwall to see for themselves.
They listened to Renfield’s podcast as they drove.
Renfield was commenting on how Justin Trudeau was removing the Cross from atop the Crown in the new Canadian Royal Heraldic Coat of Arms for Canada in the wake of Charles’ coronation.
Renfield was currently doing an analysis of Justin Trudeau’s character.
Said Renfield, “Justin Trudeau is an impotent bedwetter with a small penis with all the recurring mental turmoil that emerges as a result of all that…”
Renfield then went on to address American political issues,
“Chelsea Clinton the facially aesthetically challenged daughter of Bill and Hillary says that unvaccinated children in America must be vaccinated with the mRNA vaccine with or without their parents’ consent…”
Van Helsing and Welles’ ghost arrived at Tintagel Castle.
They exited the car and walked up and down the coastline.
On their way back to Tintagel Castle, they came upon this sight:
Welles’ ghost said to Van Helsing, “Dracul, why don’t you go into the village of Tintagel and see if you can find a Church with Holy Water and bring the Holy Water back here in case we might need it.”
Van Helsing did just that.
When he returned, he found the ghost of Orson Welles making out with the ghost of Anne Boleyn.
“Egad!” Van Helsing cried out.
“Now you know how I feel when I stumble upon you making out with some woman,” Welles commented as he climaxed.
“My God, you’re no Justin Trudeau,” Anne Boleyn observed as she orgasmed.
“No, in the case of Justin Trudeau, it’s the Void,” Welles lit a cigar as he lay on the beach in post-coital bliss.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday May 8th
2023.
Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec On Cinco de Mayo 2023
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec on Cinco de Mayo 2023.
It was Cinco de Mayo 2023.
And the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was celebrating.
She was in the U.S. state of California since Cinco de Mayo wasn’t really a big holiday or celebration in Mexico 🇲🇽 itself other than the Mexican city of Puebla.
May 5th 1862 was the date of the Mexican Army’s victory over the French forces of Emperor Napoleon III at the First Battle of Puebla in the Mexican city of Puebla.
Behind the battle were two vampiresses.
One was the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec who supported the Mexican Army and the other was the Paris based Egyptian vampiress Isis who supported the forces of Napoleon III.
They later met again in a hawthorn wooden stake after sunset showdown in the American Wild West town of Hayden Colorado (site of immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes’ Wild Tomatoes 🍅 and Mushroom 🍄 Saloon) in the 1880s.
That contest resulted in a draw as well as the American Wild West’s first open heart surgery operation (to remove wooden splinters).
Today on Cinco de Mayo 2023 Qonzilqointec got her photo taken that was immediately made into a post card.
As Qonzilqointec leaned against the wall to get her photo taken, she immediately spotted an old friend of hers the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
“What are you doing in Los Angeles?” Qonzilqointec asked Van Helsing.
“I’m here to see if I can talk the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg into finishing his science-fiction novel,” Van Helsing replied.
“And did you find Mr. Finneganburg?” The Aztec vampire princess inquired.
“No, his wife isn’t too sure what bar he would be in today,” Dracul answered, “although he apparently no longer frequents donut 🍩 shops unless he has the world-famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee with him.”
At that moment George Finneganburg was in fact asleep 😴 💤 on the floor of one of the Los Angeles Public Libraries where children were stepping over him to attend Drag Queen Story Reading 📖 Hour.
“Egad, where’s Pan Goatee when you really need?” George exclaimed upon awakening and seeing a bunch of bearded drag queens within his sight.
Qonzilqointec and Van Helsing meanwhile passed another writer – a creative writing instructor who held the title for the world’s most colossally boring author.
He was reading his latest work to a Washington state Sasquatch at an outdoor cafe where the Sasquatch was fast asleep.
Other cafe patrons were busy committing hari kari as the colossally boring author with a PH Unbalanced shampoo hairstyle read.
Qonzilqointec and Van Helsing then retreated to his hotel room where they proceeded to make out.
Some time later the ghost of Orson Welles could be seen entering the hotel lobby.
He was wearing a pair of dark ghostly sunglasses 🕶️, a spectrally psychedelic t-shirt and a pair of ghostly ghastly Bermuda shorts 🩳.
“I bet Dracul will be surprised to see me,” Welles’ ghost commented as he entered the hotel elevator and hit the 5th floor button.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Friday May 5th
2023.
Jane Austen Meets Dracul Van Helsing
Writer Jane Austen on a warm spring day
It was a warm spring day and Jane Austen was doing some sketching before applying watercolours.
Within a few seconds Jane noticed a man appearing out of nowhere on the stone walkabout around the lake.
The man was Dracul Van Helsing time traveller from the future.
Van Helsing had recently been watching Sanditon (a British television series based on Jane Austen’s unfinished novel) on PBS via satellite.
He was also a big fan of Austen’s novels Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion and Emma.
After having watched Tom Jones the new British drama on PBS’ Masterpiece Theatre (based on Henry Fielding’s classic 1749 novel) last night, Van Helsing reflected on the state of the world in the dystopian 2020s.
He had a further discussion with the ghost of Orson Welles on the subject this morning and decided to take the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Prototype Film 🎞️ Projector (an instrument of time travel) to England 🏴 in the year 1804 when Jane Austen would have been 28.
Van Helsing pushed a button on the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Prototype Film Projector and vanished into the mists of time.
Welles’ ghost was immediately worried that the charming sex addict Van Helsing might thoroughly charm Jane Austen and Jane Austen succumbing to his charms would end up being deflowered.
For Van Helsing had had his way with many beautiful goddesses and vampiresses although of course you couldn’t accuse Van Helsing of deflowering any of them like Hera, Aphrodite and Isis for instance although he had deflowered the virgin goddesses Athena and Artemis (which ticked their father Zeus off to no end).
The ghost of Orson Welles quickly hurried to Set Enterprises’ Laboratories where Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was working.
Rocher had made a small replica of the Tesla-Houdini-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Prototype Film Projector 🎞️.
Welles borrowed the replica from Rocher, pushed a button on it and went back in time to the exact date and place where Dracul Van Helsing was hoping to encounter Jane Austen.
. . .
King Charles III, who was busy preparing for his coronation this coming Saturday, was also reading a report on what had transpired in Vienna yesterday.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield, who was holidaying in Vienna after co-chairing a secret conference of peace talks between Russia 🇷🇺 and Ukraine 🇺🇦, had been involved in a shoot out with American Deep State operatives yesterday.
Renfield of course had been involved in shoot outs with numerous American Deep State operatives while the conference was going on.
The directors of the American Deep State were horrified that someone had actually taken out many of their operatives.
Just like the directors of the American Deep State were horrified that Robert F. Kennedy Jr. had announced that he was running for the U.S. Democratic Party nomination against their puppet Joe Biden.
They heard from a little bird (a canary that was a cocaine addict and owned by Hunter Biden) that Renfield would be leaving Vienna for London yesterday.
So the American Deep State resolved to ambush Renfield on the streets of Vienna as he took a taxi from his hotel to the airport.
666 American Deep State operatives were dispatched for the operation.
And the end result was that 666 American Deep State operatives now lay dead on the streets of Vienna.
“Vienna is like a shooting gallery,” Dr. Henry Kissinger remarked as he watched the operation on YouTube livestream.
As for the 666 dead American Deep State operatives, as a result of Joe Biden’s gender inclusion and diversity policies, they were all men wearing dresses, make up and high heels.
. . .
“Our nation’s public libraries are now deprived of an enormous amount of storybook readers for children,” Joe Biden had tears in his eyes as he looked at the photos of the dead American Deep State operatives on the streets of Vienna.
. . .
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was back home in London and was currently being interviewed on Livestream by truly traditional Catholic media podcaster Taylor Marshall from the U.S.
Renfield was wearing a t-shirt that said I’D RATHER BE A KEYBOARD WARRIOR THAN A KEYBOARD PANSY.
The quote was in answer to an idiotic statement made by satanic AntiPope Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) a few weeks ago.
Of course Bergoglio has a habit of making nothing but idiotic statements (which is why he is acclaimed as a genius by globalist elitists and the brainless mainstream media) so researchers had some difficulty tracking down the original idiotic quote.
On his plane ride back from Hungary 🇭🇺 to Rome yesterday, Bergoglio was trying to take credit for the recent Vienna secret conference of Russian-Ukrainian peace talks.
Even though Samhain Cardinal Salaman (who happened to be the sole heterosexual administrator in Pope Francis’ Vatican) had started the talks without Francis’ consent.
. . .
The ghost of Orson Welles found Dracul Van Helsing with his head on the lap of Jane Austen.
No longer did Jane Austen have a sketch pad on her lap.
As in the above picture.
Instead it was Dracul Van Helsing who was having his forehead stroked by Miss Austen.
Welles’ ghost had a large rolling pin in hand ready to hit Van Helsing over the head should he make an attempt to deflower Miss Austen.
But he did not.
Instead they had a long and witty conversation.
With deep penetrating insight into art, literature and philosophy.
Finally Jane Austen said, “I must return home. My father, sister and brothers are expecting me for dinner.”
Van Helsing helped her gather up her sketch pad, watercolours and paint brushes.
Jane Austen walked off into the forest.
Welles’ ghost went forward in time before Van Helsing had a chance to see him.
When Welles’ ghost returned, Amadeus Emanon asked him, “So who is Dracul Van Helsing like in relation to Jane Austen? Alexander Colbourne? Or Sir Edward Denham?”.
Welles’ ghost lit a cigar, poured himself a glass of wine 🍷 and took a long pause before answering the question.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 1st
2023.
Sherrielock Holmes In Vienna
Sherrielock Holmes in Vienna
Sherrielock Holmes the quite literally immortal and young looking twin sister of world famous consulting detective Sherlock Holmes was in Vienna.
Miss Holmes was a dominatrix by profession.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had brought her to Vienna to help out with secret negotiations that he, along with others, was hoping to get a peace treaty signed between Russia 🇷🇺 and Ukraine 🇺🇦.
There had been a few stumbling blocks.
Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was required to do something to help out with the negotiations.
But Erdogan had refused.
So Renfield had arranged for the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal life had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the actress wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian the Great) to beat the crap out of Erdogan until he agreed.
Theodora had done just that.
And Erdogan agreed 👍.
Now both the lead Russian 🇷🇺 negotiator and lead Ukrainian 🇺🇦 negotiator were dragging their heels in accepting final details.
This called for tougher heels 👠 (as in super spiked stiletto high heels 👠).
So Renfield had called in Sherrielock Holmes in her capacity as a professional dominatrix to tomato 🍅 the buns 🍑 of both men in order to get them to agree to terms.
After a thorough and sound paddling of both men on their bare buttocks that lasted hours, both men had agreed to terms.
As both men wept tears equivalent to the Indian, Atlantic and Pacific Oceans 🌊, Sherrielock put her paddle away, adjusted her dress and combed her hair and immediately walked down the stairs:
Where she was immediately greeted by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
“May I have the pleasure of this next dance?” Van Helsing asked.
“Is it The Blue Danube?” Sherrielock inquired.
“It is,” Van Helsing nodded.
They proceeded to dance (and enjoyed the dance while Lenin’s ghost was down in Tartarus roasting away on a rotating rotisserie barbecue spit on what would have been his 153rd birthday today).
“Well,” Renfield lit a cigar and spoke to the ghost of Orson Welles, “Sherrielock Holmes may have just prevented World War III.”
“The American Deep State forces behind Joe Biden will be very disappointed,” Welles sipped a spectral glass of spectral red wine, “We will have no World War III before its time.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 23rd
2023.
Julia of Casablanca In Vienna
The British MI-6 Agent code named Julia of Casablanca is now in Vienna
Having successfully staked Nazi vampire Franz Kohler and having successfully made out with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing in Casablanca yesterday, the British MI-6 Agent code named Julia of Casablanca was now in Vienna.
Attending a secret conference of Ukrainian-Russian peace talks hosted by Samhain Cardinal Salaman (the Vatican’s only heterosexual administrator), British MP Renfield R. Renfield, Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom and Chinese Vampiress Mei-ling Manchu.
However the conference wasn’t so secret thanks to King Charles III talking to his plants 🌱 🪴.
Charles has been talking to plants 🌱 🪴 ever since the days he was Prince of Wales 🏴 and Duke of Cornwall.
However back in the early 2000s, a DARPA employee, who was sick of staring at pictures of goats 🐐 in a DARPA backed effort to develop psychic powers, decided to develop a translation device to listen to the language used by plants 🌱 🪴 .
And since King Charles revealed state secrets to his plants 🌱 🪴 in his conversations, the American Deep State bugged Charles’ plants 🌱 🪴 and by using the translation device on plant 🌱 🪴 language were able to pick up key information for their purposes.
The American Deep State found out about the peace talks and were pissed 😡.
As Dracul Van Helsing walked down the halls of the Hofburg Palace in Vienna (followed by the ghost of Orson Welles who was wearing a spectral ghostly blindfold for some reason), he ran into Julia of Casablanca:
“There seems to be a lot of action around the palace today,” Van Helsing noted.
“That’s because the palace maintenance crews keep having to wash blood 🩸 off the palace’s marble floors,” Julia of Casablanca explained.
“Why is there so much blood 🩸 on the palace floors?” Van Helsing inquired.
“That’s because your friend Renfield keeps shooting dead American Deep State operatives who are in the palace,” Julia answered.
“That sounds like Renfield all right,” Van Helsing admitted.
“Although senile old fool Joe Biden is now using those shootings to bolster his platform for gun control in the U.S.,” Julia of Casablanca noted.
She showed him a viral video on her iPhone of Biden speaking, “And when a British MP shoots dead our American Deep State operatives who are trying to sabotage Ukrainian-Russian peace talks in an effort to bring about global nuclear war and total destruction thus saving our beloved planet in the process, this shows the need for the U.S. Congress to bring in draconian gun control legislation.”
“Joe doesn’t miss a thing does he?” Van Helsing stated as a maintenance crew was brought in to mop up the floor behind Joe Biden as he forgot to put on his pants and underwear while giving the speech.
“One of the American Deep State operatives who was shot and killed by Renfield,” Julia of Casablanca noted, “was the man who sold crack cocaine to Hunter Biden at bargain basement laboratory prices so Hunter is going to be pissed about that.”
“Very much so,” Van Helsing agreed.
Dracul and Julia of Casablanca then watched a gun fight between Renfield and 75 American Deep State operatives that Renfield won.
Van Helsing and Julia then made out on the table where Emperor Joseph II (the last Holy Roman Emperor) signed the document abolishing the office of Holy Roman Emperor in 1806 in an effort to prevent French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte from assuming the title.
“I assume it’s safe to take off the blindfolds now,” Welles’ ghost remarked as he did just that.
The ghost of the late great actor, screenplay writer and film director got an eyeful.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 21st
2021.
Julia of Casablanca
Julia of Casablanca
They called her Julia of Casablanca.
She was a secret agent for Britain’s MI-6.
She was based in Casablanca.
Hence the name Julia of Casablanca.
Her latest mission was to track down a Nazi vampire named Franz Kohler.
Franz Kohler had been staked through the heart and killed several times by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing but the Norse trickster god Loki kept bringing the Nazi bloodsucker back from the dead.
Van Helsing had last killed Franz Kohler while on a time travelling mission back in the reign of Edward VII (a period of history known as the Edwardian era).
But once again that bastard Loki brought back Kohler (who had been a member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau back in the late 1930s and early 1940s) from the dead.
Loki was a real pain in the ass (as any priest who landed a job in Pope Francis’ Vatican could attest. Being sodomized in the rear end by Loki was the rite of initiation for employment in Bergoglio’s inner circle. The only one who escaped was heterosexual Samhain Cardinal Salaman who was a powerful Kabbalist magician and could have turned Loki into a tadpole if he wanted to).
Kohler had just stolen the winged horse Pegasus from Queen Rania of Jordan 🇯🇴.
Of course this Pegasus was not THE Pegasus.
The Pegasus who was the equine son of Poseidon and Medusa and on whose back the Greek hero Bellerophon had ridden.
This modern Pegasus had been genetically created by Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher several years ago.
Of course this modern Pegasus had a very bad temperament and no one could ride him.
The only one who seemed to be able to handle Pegasus was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s friend Queen Rania of Jordan 🇯🇴.
So Pegasus had gone off to live in Jordan.
Now Franz Kohler had discovered an old record album 💿 recorded by Nazi opera singer Wagner Testeroni.
Wagner Testeroni’s singing voice apparently had the power to hypnotize horses.
Loudspeakers playing Wagner Testeroni’s voice on tanks had lolled the Polish cavalry’s horses to sleep during the September 1939 Nazi invasion of Poland allowing for a swift Nazi victory.
When Churchill became Britain’s Prime Minister in May 1940, he ordered Britain’s Intelligence Service to assassinate Wagner Testeroni.
This they accomplished by putting a very large bar of soap 🧼 on the bedroom floor of Testeroni’s favourite courtesan in his favourite Berlin brothel.
Wagner Testeroni slipped on the bar of soap and broke his neck.
He is currently roasting away on a rotating rotisserie barbecue spit down in Tartarus.
Churchill’s next mission for Britain’s Intelligence Service was to track down and destroy every single recording ever made of Wagner Testeroni’s voice to prevent horses being hypnotized in the future.
This they accomplished.
All except for one.
That one somehow managed to find its way eventually to a flea market in San Francisco.
Kohler found it in that San Francisco flea market earlier this year.
On the same shopping excursion in that San Francisco flea market, the Norse wolf 🐺 Fenrir (who had accompanied Kohler) caught fleas in that flea market.
He was out of commission for months.
Loki prayed that the Battle of Ragnarok would not be fought anytime soon.
Anyhow Kohler went to Jordan and used the old record album 💿 of Wagner Testeroni’s voice to hypnotize Pegasus.
Kohler had flown Pegasus to Casablanca where he was to meet with an American Deep State military advisor to Ukraine 🇺🇦.
There Kohler would sell Pegasus to that American Deep State operative.
Pegasus would then drop bombs 💣 on the houses of Russian 🇷🇺 civilians to accelerate the possibility of nuclear war with Russia.
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announcing his Presidential run in Boston Massachusetts yesterday had warned that the danger of nuclear war with Russia 🇷🇺 was greater than it had ever been in decades.
So naturally Kennedy’s speech was ignored by the brainless mainstream media whose job these days was to play the role of fellatio performing siren to the military-industrial complex and pharmaceutical industries.
Segments of Britain’s MI-6 loyal to British MP Renfield R. Renfield (just like there had been segments of Britain’s intelligence establishment loyal to British MP Winston Churchill in the 1930s during the period of appeasement towards Nazi Germany) and opposed to the “dark forces at work in this country” that Queen Elizabeth II had warned Princess Diana’s butler Paul Burrell about shortly after Diana’s death in 1997 notified Julia of Casablanca (a pro-Renfield and anti-dark forces operative) about the potential sale of Pegasus in the city of Casablanca.
Julia of Casablanca located Franz Kohler and invited him to Heinrich’s Cafe Deutschland Uber Alles in Casablanca for a steak sandwich and sauerkraut special.
Franz Kohler turned out to be one sour kraut all right after Julia of Casablanca staked him through the heart.
She then smashed the record album 💿 with Wagner Testeroni’s voice on it into a million and one pieces.
The album was a recording of Testeroni singing German lyrics for Nicolay Rimsky-Korsakov’s work Scheherazade also known as the Thousand and One Arabian Nights.
Julia of Casablanca then got into a truck.
Dracul Van Helsing opened the passenger door and saw her:
“You’re Julia of Casablanca?” Dracul asked.
When Julia of Casablanca answered in the affirmative, Van Helsing started to make out with her.
The ghost of Orson Welles then showed up with a take-out order of bacon and eggs from Rick’s Cafe Americain in Casablanca.
“I hope Van Helsing hasn’t started making out with some woman again just when I’ve got back with the food like usually happens,” Welles’ ghost remarked.
“Oh no,” Welles shouted when he discovered that indeed was what had happened.
“You know, Orson,” the ghost of Humphrey Bogart commented to Welles’ ghost as he watched Dracul Van Helsing make out with Julia of Casablanca, “This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 20th
2023.
Byzantine Vampiress Theodora Meets Dracul Van Helsing
Byzantine Vampiress Theodora in a garden in Istanbul
In her mortal lifetime the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian the Great.
Theodora had been turned into a vampiress on June 28th 548 AD by the Babylonian Vampiress Lilith as she lay dying from cancer.
Theodora was walking in a garden in Istanbul (that in days gone by had been Constantinople the capital of the Byzantine Empire) when she was suddenly approached by Dracul Van Helsing:
“You are the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora I presume?” Dracul Van Helsing inquired.
“I am,” Theodora nodded, “You are Dracul Van Helsing I presume?”.
“Yes,” Dracul nodded.
The meeting had been set up by British MP Renfield R. Renfield.
Renfield, along with Samhain Cardinal Salaman (the only high ranking heterosexual member of Pope Francis’ Vatican) and Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom, was trying to negotiate a peace treaty between Russia 🇷🇺 and Ukraine 🇺🇦.
The negotiations being held in Vienna Austria were kept secret as a trio of western leaders (let’s call them senile old fool Joe Biden, Canada’s bedwetting Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau and France’s cougar chasing self-proclaimed stud Emmanuel Macron) wanted war and not peace with Russia.
The ghost of Winston Churchill, sitting in the library of the colossal West London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, had been busy researching the history of Ukrainian-Russian relations dating back to 988 AD and the rule of the Kievan Rus leader Saint Vladimir the Great.
After he had finished, Churchill’s ghost lit himself a spectral cigar and poured himself a glass of spectral brandy.
He said to Athelstan (who was Set’s valet and butler), “I want you to send a telegram to Renfield in Vienna…”
“These days, sir,” Athelstan interjected, “I think a text message would be a lot faster.”
“All right a text message then,” Churchill scowled like in the famous photograph taken by Ottawa photographer Yousuf Karsh in 1941.
Renfield, Cardinal Salaman and Athena were absolutely delighted with Churchill’s idea and proposal.
For help in implementing the plan, Renfield would need the support of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.
However a photo of Renfield eating some Greek souvlaki while banqueting in Vienna had gone viral on the Internet.
And these days Erdogan was quite pissed off with Greece and had even thrown warmongering rhetoric in Athens’ direction.
So consequently he was in no mood to take advice from the Greek souvlaki eating Renfield.
It had come to the attention of Renfield that the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora had beaten Erdogan up on a few occasions.
Now, Renfield theorized, might be the time to do it again.
The MP had got in touch with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
And now Van Helsing was meeting the Byzantine Vampiress Theodora in a garden on a great estate in Istanbul.
Theodora agreed to Renfield’s request.
Theodora and Van Helsing then started making out under one of the trees 🌳 in the garden.
It was at that moment that the ghost of Orson Welles arrived in the garden after having found one of the rare restaurants in Istanbul that sold the equally rare spectral ghostly Greek souvlaki.
“Oh no, not again,” Welles’ ghost cried out.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 15th
2023.
Athena and Renfield In Vienna
British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the Greek goddess Athena in Vienna
King Charles III was worried about the War in Ukraine and the possibility that it could explode into a global nuclear war.
It seemed to him that America’s Joe Biden was a senile old fool and Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was a bedwetting imbecile who suffered from arrested emotional development.
The king was right on both counts.
So on the advice of his leading advisor Paddington Bear, His Majesty decided to send British MP Renfield R. Renfield, who was a member of the two seat British Arthurian Party (formerly the British Transhumanist Party until Renfield came to the conclusion that the philosophy of Transhumanism was out to lunch especially the terrifying possibility of George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab living forever as Cyborgs) in the UK 🇬🇧 Westminster House of Commons to a secret conference in Vienna Austria (so secret that not even the Neo-Trotskyite heads of government of the NATO and EU countries were told about it) between a Russian delegation and a Ukrainian delegation to see if some sort of peace treaty could be negotiated.
Renfield had asked the ghosts of Orson Welles and Winston Churchill to accompany him as his advisors.
Churchill said he would need time to study the history of the conflict in depth before he felt worthy of dispensing advice on the subject.
Ditto for the ghost of Orson Welles.
Although Welles said he was willing to accompany Renfield as official black and white photographer for the trip (since Welles enjoyed black and white photography) in order to record the trip for posterity (if and when the secret conference became known to history).
Renfield agreed to take Welles as his official black and white photographer.
Churchill settled back with a large spectral cigar and a large spectral glass of brandy in an easy chair in the library and archives of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London mansion and began reading on the subject of the history of relations between Ukraine and Russia dating back to the founding of Christian Kievan Rus in 988 AD.
Renfield turned to his friend Dracul Van Helsing to see who he would recommend taking to Vienna Austria for the conference.
Dracul recommended Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom.
And so Renfield had flown to Vienna with Athena.
Members of both the Ukrainian and Russian delegations arrived at the Hofburg Palace wearing paper bags over their heads. Not because they were ugly (there was no indication that the ghost of Oscar Wilde would attend the conference to give his opinion of aesthetics on both proceedings and participants) but because they didn’t want to be seen by the outside world.
The American Deep State, which was all gung-ho for a global nuclear war in hopes that this would reduce the world population to a manageable level of 500 million people (like George Soros, Bill Gates and Klaus Schwab envisioned), might become very pissed off if they heard that Russia and Ukraine were negotiating behind their back to achieve a peaceful resolution.
Why senile old fool Joe Biden (the world’s most prolific donor of drag queens for Children’s Storybook Reading Hours in public libraries) might stop giving arms to Ukraine.
And then Zelensky might lose his major source of income by turning around and selling those arms.
As an ad for Forbes Magazine (which turned into a popular meme on the Internet) showed, with a picture of Zelensky that said, “I earned $10 billion while working from home. Ask me how.”
Zelensky had even managed to sell a machine gun to the Norse trickster god Loki for €20,000 (Twenty thousand Euros 💶).
Although Loki’s Zelensky supplied machine gun recently turned out to be no match for a silver arrow fired by the crossbow of the Celtic stag god Cernunnos.
The conference would be chaired by Samhain Cardinal Salaman one of the few heterosexual administrators currently working in Pope Francis’ Lot’s Wife = Pillar of Salt Vatican.
As for Vienna’s own Christoph Cardinal Schönborn (definitely no relation to the heterosexual Christopher Dracul Van Helsing), he was busy trying to organize yet another gay porno strip show rock concert and Mass at St. Stephen’s Cathedral in Vienna.
The conference would begin with a formal dinner in one of the Hofburg Palace’s many Viennese ballrooms.
The ghost of Orson Welles took a black and white photo of Renfield and Athena as they awaited the arrival of Samhain Cardinal Salaman.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Tuesday April 4th
2023.
Dracul Van Helsing 
British MP Renfield R. Renfield Explains Critical Race and Critical Gender Theories In A Nutshell
June 1, 2023 at 9:51 pm (Commentary, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Agente Secrete Miranda Singh, Joe Biden, Miranda Singh, Miss Miranda Singh, Renfield R. Renfield, Set Enterprises' Secret Agent Miranda Singh, The Ghost of Orson Welles, The Ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, U.S. Oval Office Senile Old Fool Joe Biden, Wicked Principalities and Powers)
Miranda Singh a special intelligence agent and operative for the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit listens to a Thursday night podcast from British MP Renfield R. Renfield
Miranda Singh a Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit operative was listening to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s podcast while sitting in a park in London, England.
His Majesty King Charles III in disguise 🥸 as a Groucho Marx lookalike walked by the lovely and beautiful Miss Singh.
“Oh, to be King Henry VIII,” Charles sighed, “I could order that wretched MP to be beheaded.”
Renfield’s podcast started with a bunch of weird looking rainbow 🌈 holographic images being shot down with laser death rays being fired by Set Enterprises’ hypersonic missiles.
The display caused senile old fool Joe Biden to trip and fall to the ground at a U.S. Air Force cadet graduation ceremony.
Next the ghost of Orson Welles appeared sitting at a table and sipping a glass of spectral red wine 🍷.
“Saint Paul the Apostle said it in one of his epistles almost 2000 years ago,” Welles held up the glass of wine 🍷, “and in a somewhat paraphrased version, I will say it again, ‘Welcome to Pride in the ability to masturbate into the rectum of another Month’.”
This was followed by British MP Renfield R. Renfield sitting at a desk wearing a JENNIFER JOHNSON FOR LACOMBE-PONOKA ALBERTA MLA campaign button.
“Diversity, equity and inclusion,” Renfield began, “are code words for the perverts in the Alphabet Soup Community to be in your face (and possibly other areas of your anatomy) 24/7, 365 days a year, 100 years a century and 10 centuries a millennium.”
Renfield then went on to analyze contemporary sports and baseball ⚾️.
“Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Anthony Bass is a wimp and a wuss,” Renfield put on a colourful sports commentator Don Cherry suit and tie, “At first he did splendidly by giving the sodo-Nazis, pronoun Fascists and lesbo-Stalinists in the Alphabet Soup Community the raspberry they so richly deserve. Then he turns into a sissy and apologizes to them. Over to the ghost of Winston Churchill for his comment.”
Winston Churchill’s ghost sat in a comfortable armchair smoking a spectral cigar and sipping a spectral glass of brandy.
“Anthony Bass,” Churchill spoke in his distinctive Battle of Britain 🇬🇧 style speaking voice, “What a wimp. What a wuss.”
Renfield then went on to explain Critical Race Theory and Critical Gender Theory in a nutshell.
Said Renfield, “Critical Race Theory in a nutshell is this: The white race is responsible for all the world’s problems.”
Renfield then went on to the subject of Critical Gender Theory, “Critical Gender Theory in a nutshell is this: The male gender – and particularly those members of the biologically born male gender who actually think they’re males and are actually sexually attracted to members of the biologically born opposite sex- they are responsible for all the world’s problems.”
Renfield then went on to explain a lesser known theory – Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory.
“Now of course,” Renfield pointed out, “Non-binaries do not consider themselves freaks and weirdos even though that’s exactly what they are. What a Calgary based geopolitical analyst labels as Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory is being taught by cultural Marxist Neo-Bolshevik Communist groups such as the Alberta Teachers’ Association whose only accomplishment these days is to ensure that Alberta schoolchildren are transgendered, queer and Communist upon graduation.”
Renfield then went on to explain Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory in a nutshell.
Said Renfield, “Critical Non-Binary Freak and Weirdo Theory is this: Those who identify as members of the biologically born gender they’re born into and who are sexually attracted to members of the opposite biologically born gender are responsible for all the world’s problems.”
Joe Biden was immediately alerted by the European Union 🇪🇺 Commission (who most definitely were getting their panties in a knot 🪢 at the moment) as to the British MP’s most recent genocidal and Crimes Against Humanity statement.
Mused Biden, “I wonder if I should order a Cruise missile attack on Renfield’s office in the British House of Commons.”
After dropping a load of large sized brownies in his pants, Biden said, “I think I shall.”
Biden immediately got on the phone 📞 to the Afghan Taliban government in Kabul and asked if he could buy a U.S. Cruise missile from them.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday June 1st
2023.
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