Ichabod and Ickabob
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was flying over Australia in the Set Enterprises’ dirigible airship The Wild Colonial Boy.
This airship like all of Set’s airship fleet was very eco-friendly and environmentally friendly and was powered by a cannabis engine.
The Wild Colonial Boy however ran on a very special high octane form of cannabis.
This cannabis had been developed by Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie back at the Hotel California in the Summer of ’69.
A large amount of this cannabis managed to eventually find its way into a Vancouver apartment that was rented out in 1978 by Canadian singer Bryan Adams.
Which was a good thing.
Because the recipe for this type of cannabis was immediately forgotten by Uncle Ernie right after he made it.
The same was the case for every other type of drug made by Uncle Ernie.
As those who suscribe to Uncle Ernie’s Drug of The Day Uberhigh Club by mail say, “You never get the same type of drug from Uncle Ernie twice.”
Seeds from Uncle Ernie’s Summer of ’69 Hotel California cannabis eventually found their way to auction at Sotheby’s in London in the summer of 2021.
Where they were purchased by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set beating out both George Soros and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad Bin Salman in bidding.
And now Renfield was flying around the world from London England to Sydney Australia in just 10 minutes using the super power octane like cannabis engine that ran on Uncle Ernie’s Summer of ’69 Hotel California cannabis.
Uncle Ernie had beat NASA, Jeff Bezos, Sir Richard Branson and Elon Musk all to Hell.
By powering a 1930s style very old fashioned dirigible.
And not even knowing it.
As he stood on an empty Sydney stage in a near empty Sydney theatre singing the title role of his drag queen Cumelita as he was unintentionally setting his girdle on fire.
The only person in the Sydney theatre was Daniel Andrews the Neo-Stalinist and Neo-Maoist tyrant Premier of Victoria state a neighbouring state of the state of New South Wales (New South Wales’ capital was Sydney).
Andrews being a globalist elitist and not a mere simple pleb was not subject to his own draconian lockdown rules (or anyone else’s for that matter).
He sat in the theatre not wearing a mask or pants or even a condom as he sat pleasuring himself like American children’s show TV host Pee-wee Herman in a porno theatre.
The seat would of course have to be steam cleaned afterwards.
. . .
Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was showing his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set blown up and magnified images of what was on microscopic slides showing samples from both the Moderna and Pfizer “vaccines” (really mRNA genetic serums) for the Wuhan CCP virus (called Covid-19 by the pro-Communist WHO World Health Organization).
The nanobots and nano-organisms in the “vaccine” were magnified an infinite number of times.
An octopus like micro-organism moved itself off the slide in one sample.
And another octopus like micro-organism moved itself off the slide in another sample.
“The Set Enterprises’ Intelligence Unit is investigating the possibility that Bill Gates’ paid help managed to extract DNA from Cthulhu,” Dr. Rocher explained.
“And it’s through this,” Set asked, “that my brother and brother-in-law Osiris (so beloved by Freemasons everywhere) intends to rule the world?”.
Dr. Rocher nodded.
“And do you have a name for this octopus like micro-organism?” Set inquired.
“I call it Ickabob,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher answered.
. . .
The ghost of Orson Welles was reading a huge leather bound volume on Vampires and Ghosts that he had borrowed from the personal library of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
“Did you know that Katrina Van Tassel became a vampiress?” Welles asked Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
“She did?” Dracul was shocked, “Katrina Van Tassel who was fought over by two men the mortal schoolteacher Ichabod Crane and the ghostly Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow?”.
“That’s right,” Welles nodded as he sipped a ghostly glass of spectral red wine.
“I don’t drink… wine,” the voice of Bela Lugosi could be heard coming from the nearby television set which was showing the 1931 film Dracula.
“How did she become a vampiress?” Van Helsing asked.
“Dracula was visiting upstate New York at the time and gave her a hickey,” Welles answered.
When Van Helsing went back to his London apartment, he found vampiress Katrina Van Tassel inside.
Katrina Van Tassel
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 10th
2021.
Red October
“Where do you want the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern to take you?” The ghost of Orson Welles asked his companion.
“I’ll let you decide,” his companion answered.
“All right,” Welles’ ghost sipped a spectral glass of spectral red wine and spun the globe of the world in the Set Estate Library.
Welles put his finger down.
“Ah,” said Welles, “That’s a nice place. Very nice place.”
Welles reached into the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s glass jar coin collection (of coins dating back to the 1500s from various nations in the world) and pulled out a coin.
“Ah, a very recent time but that might be okay,” Welles stated.
He pushed the button on the Houdini-Pantages-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern Film Projector.
This magic lantern could be used for time travel.
As Welles’ ghost and his companion flew through the space and time continuum, Welles remarked, “Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster is referring to this month we just left as Red October 3.0. Do you know what he means by that?”.
“Well,” his companion answered, “The first Red October was October 1917 when Russia went Bolshevik Communist. And the second Red October… or Red October 2.0 is October 1949 when mainland China went Communist and became the People’s Republic of China. Red October 3.0 is October 2021.”
“So who will go Communist this time?” Welles lit himself a cigar.
“The United States of America,” his companion answered, “according to Michelangelo.”
“So here we are,” Welles announced, “Hawaii, October 2009.”
“Sometime between October 15th and October 25th 2009,” his companion read the sign.
“Do you have any idea who that very beautiful young woman is?” Welles inquired.
“That’s Q’orianka Kilcher,” his companion answered, “She played the last Crown Princess of Hawaii, Princess Ka’iulani, in the movie Princess Ka’iulani that came out that year of 2009.”
“I see,” Welles sipped his wine.
“October 15th to 25th, 2009,” his companion reflected, “My dad would have still been alive then.”
“Your dad?” Welles blinked.
“He collapsed to the floor while shaving in the bathroom on May 18th 2010 and had to be rushed to the hospital by ambulance,” his companion recalled, “he died less than a month later on June 16th 2010.”
“I see,” Welles finished his wine and looked around for another glass.
“One of the many strange things he said to me before he died was, Chris, fight Red October,” his companion said.
“Did he explain what he meant?” Welles asked.
“No, he never did,” his companion looked again at the sign.
“In the meantime, let’s go see a movie,” his companion suggested, “At least in this month and this year, we don’t need a vaccine passport to get in.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 1st
2021.
The Vaccinazi-Coviet Pact Deepens
British MP Renfeld R. Renfield was doing a Sunday night podcast.
Amadeus Emanon was watching the podcast while eating some delicious Chinese food from a take-out restaurant.
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was looking at his watch and wondering how long it would take his batch of live crocodiles to grow.
Set enjoyed eating live crocodiles (a habit that dated back to a dispute he had with his son Sobek).
In the meantime, Set’s batch of live crocodiles were being fed live Australian and Paris policemen who were kidnapped by the Crusader Rabbit Leonard Constaninople’s army of Neo-Byzantine Crusaders as they trained for war by battling Australian and Paris policemen.
Renfield began his podcast,
“South Australia’s Neo-Stalinist dictator and Premier Steven Marshall is working on a high-tech police surveillance state for the State of South Australia.
People ordered to quarantine by the dictatorial South Australian government must download what is called a Home Quarantine App that uses geo-location and facial recognition software to track those ordered by the Australian Neo-Gestapo to quarantine.
The app ensures citizens comply with quarantine orders by contacting people at random and asking them to provide proof of their location within 15 minutes.
Individuals who miss their geo-location check-ins will receive a follow-up phone call from nosy government bureaucrats where they will be forced to discuss why they missed the notification and if they miss that, a “compliance officer” (specially trained by reading old SS/Gestapo and old NKVD/KGB training manuals) will visit their homes.
Renfield then showed a clip of Neo-Stalinist Premier of South Australia Steven Marshall blathering away, “I think every South Australian should feel pretty proud that we are the national pilot for the home-based quarantine app.”
Renfield commented after showing the clip, “What a total and complete ass that piece of repugnant human garbage is.”
Then the British MP added, “South Australian Premier Steven Marshall should be eliminated from the face of the earth.”
An Australian parrot sitting atop an oil painting of Oliver Cromwell (that the parrot’s rear end has added some unique neo-impressionistic flourishes to- indeed Renfield bought the parrot for this purpose) spoke, “So should every other Australian leader. Kwaak. So should every other Australian leader.”
Renfield went on to his next news item,
“Earlier this evening I watched a video recorded by a concerned bystander on their smart phone that showed around 40 glass helmeted Paris police officers (looking like stormtroopers in a Nazi SS controlled galaxy unfortunately not so far away) beat a young woman senseless to the ground because she did not have a vaccine passport while shopping in a Paris shopping mall.”
Remarked Renfield while looking at the camera, “Paris police are scumbags who should be eliminated from the face of the earth.”
Then appeared a clip of the ghost of Orson Welles sitting in an arm chair holding a spectral glass of spectral Paul Masson wine.
Said Welles, “Ahhhh, the French police have always been celebrated for their excremence…”
How to deal with a French policeman.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 5th
2021.
Tanaka and The Unfinished Orson Welles Film Noir
The immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka: As she appeared in a scene in Orson Welles’ unknown and unfinished Film Noir movie The Feather Casts A Giant Shadow
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion and enjoying a fine single malt Scotch whisky as he engaged in conversation with the ghost of Orson Welles.
Renfield was telling Welles how he had run into the immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka yesterday in a London park and how she had played the most beautiful melody on a beautiful vintage classical lyre.
“Tanaka had once visited Los Angeles in 1946 and she appeared as the heroine in a Film Noir movie I was directing at the time The Feather Casts A Giant Shadow,” Welles reflected over a good spectral glass of spectral red wine, “A film I was sadly unable to finish because it was shut down on orders of the studio heads.”
“How did Tanaka become immortal anyways?” Renfield inquired.
“She had apparently ridden a rare legendary ghost white buffalo back in the late 1870s and it is said that whoever rides a ghost white buffalo becomes immortal,” Welles explained, “And in Tanaka’s case, that turned out to be true.”
“What was the plot of this unfinished Film Noir movie starring Tanaka?” Renfield asked.
“It was about a prestigious Ivy League university secret society,” Welles answered, “one that counts several influential politicians and judges among its membership. And one that specializes in stealing important Native American artifacts.”
“I wonder which Ivy League university secret society you would have based that on,” Renfield remarked sarcastically.
Welles laughed.
For both knew that the secret society in the film was obviously based on Yale University’s Skull and Bones Society.
“And what was the plot of the film?” Renfield wanted to know.
“That the giant Phoenix bird of ancient legend had once flown over the Black Hills of South Dakota and one of its giant feathers had fallen on a hill top,” Welles replied, “where it was found by members of the Lakota Sioux nation. It was kept in a sacred lodge in the Black Hills known only to certain elders and certain members of their families. A member of this Ivy League University secret society accidentally crashed his plane near the lodge and found the lodge with the sacred Phoenix feather present. Being the thorough scoundrel that he was (a future U.S. Presidential candidate if there ever was one), he stole it.
He placed the feather in a room in a Philosophical Research Library and Museum in Los Angeles that was associated with a grand global occultic fraternity of which the Ivy League University Secret Society was just a branch.”
“How did Tanaka’s character fit into the film?” Renfield asked.
“Tanaka played the granddaughter of a Lakota Sioux elder who was one of the Guardians of The Feather,” Welles explained, “She was sent to Los Angeles to bring the Feather back to its original owners.”
“So Tanaka was the heroine,” Renfield nodded, “Who was the femme fatale in the film?”.
“That would have been the secret society member’s girlfriend,” Welles noted, “She was a female Nazi Intelligence officer who had been brought to the United States by the OSS (forerunner of the CIA) in order to help set up America’s post-war Intelligence, National Security and Espionage apparatus.”
“I see,” Renfield finished his glass of whisky and poured himself another, “And so why did the studio heads stop and shut down production of the film?”.
“Because I guess it was hitting a little too close to the truth of what was actually happening in the U.S. at the time,” Welles answered, “Apparently FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover himself showed up in the offices of the studio head ordering that the film’s production be immediately halted. And to add insult to injury, Hoover apparently showed up wearing one of the dresses that Vivien Leigh wore as Scarlett O’ Hara in the movie Gone With The Wind. The production ceased with a single phone call within 5 minutes of Hoover’s arrival.”
“How very sad,” Renfield sipped his second glass of Scotch, “It sounds like the film would have been a great classic.”
Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka appearing in a scene in Orson Welles’ unfinished Film Noir classic The Feather Casts A Giant Shadow.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday June 9th
2021.
Orson Welles On The Orient Express
The ghost of Orson Welles sat in a comfortable arm chair in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.
He was sipping a spectral glass of spectral red wine.
He was reflecting on a dream he had as a young mortal man where he was contemplating directing a spy film set on the Orient Express.
Agatha Christie had published a Hercule Poirot novel called Murder On The Orient Express back in 1934.
The spy film set aboard the Orient Express that Welles was planning to make would have been done 20 years before Sean Connery’s 1963 James Bond film From Russia With Love part of which was set aboard the Orient Express.
However Welles’ idea for the film was rejected by film studio heads.
When Welles had the dream that became the basis for the proposed film, he dreamed he was back in the mid-1930s.
Soviet Stalinist agents had stolen the Spear of Longinus (the spear said to have pierced the side of Christ as recorded in the New Testament) from the Hofburg Palace Museum in Vienna, Austria.
They were now riding the Orient Express to Istanbul where they would then board a ship from Istanbul to Odessa.
And then from Odessa the Soviet Stalinist agents would head to Moscow and then to Stalin.
However Nazi spies were also on the trail of the Soviet agents as Hitler too desired to possess the Spear of Longinus for world conquest.
Britain and France had likewise sent their best agents to recapture the Spear of Longinus.
Welles played the British agent Sir Cyril Bellerophon.
He was to rendezvous with France’s top agent aboard the Orient Express.
All Welles’ Bellerophon knew was that the French agent’s initials were ML.
As Welles’ character of Sir Cyril Bellerophon sat in the empty dining car (as it was currently neither breakfast, lunch or dinnertime aboard the train), a beautiful woman entered the Orient Express dining car and approached him.
She walked up to Welles’ Bellerophon and said, “Bonjour Monsieur. Je suis Monique Labelle.”
Welles bowed and said, “Bonjour Mademoiselle. Je suis Sir Cyril Bellerophon.”
It had occurred to Welles that Monique LaBelle (whose intials were ML) was the French agent.
That turned out to be the case.
Welles thought it was a shame he woke up from the dream and had no idea how the whole scenario would end.
Still he had a chance to kiss Monique Labelle before he woke up.
And that Welles’ ghost reflected as he lit himself a spectral cigar was the important thing.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 25th
2021
Morgan Le Fay
Picture of Morgan Le Fay
“So you’re trying to track down the original painting that appears at this website?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked Dashwood Forrest the owner and curator of the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.
“I am,” Forrest nodded, “I’ve come across sketches of this portrait in various books and they say it’s a portrait of Morgan Le Fay.”
“The Arthurian era enchantress?” Renfield sipped a martini, “But the woman in this portrait looks like a woman of the 1930s judging by her hairstyle and style of dress. I thought Morgan Le Fay died back in the Arthurian era.”
“There were rumours that back in 1930 an archaeologist found her grave on the Isle of Avalon not far from Glastonbury and a spiritist medium friend of the archaeologist used her incredible occultic powers to bring Morgan Le Fay back from the dead,” Forrest explained.
“And someone in the decade of the 1930s painted her picture?” Renfield finished his martini.
“Yes,” Forrest nodded.
“I wonder who?” Renfield looked at the website photograph of the painting as Forrest shrugged.
. . .
The ghost of Winston Churchill and the ghost of Orson Welles were sitting in comfortable armchairs in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London estate.
Both were smoking spectral cigars.
Churchill was sipping a spectral brandy.
And Welles was sipping a spectral glass of spectral red wine.
“Anyways,” Churchill continued with his story to Welles, “In my painting career, I painted in various different painting styles. I once painted what looked to be in style a black and white photo of Morgan Le Fay but it was actually a painting. One I must say I was exceptionally proud of. Sadly, Clementine didn’t like it and gave it away to someone. She wouldn’t say who. She didn’t want me to get it back. I think Clementine was jealous of Morgan Le Fay’s exceptional beauty.”
“Do you mean Morgan Le Fay the Arthurian era enchantress?” Welles almost spilled his spectral glass of spectral red wine all over his ghostly suit, “But I thought she died back in Arthurian times.”
“She was apparently brought back from the dead in 1930,” Churchill explained.
“Is she still alive today?” Welles asked.
. . .
“Is this seat taken?” The beautiful and attractive young woman asked Dracul Van Helsing in the Saint George’s Pub.
“No, it most definitely is not,” Van Helsing answered.
The woman sat down in the pub booth directly across from Dracul Van Helsing.
Her dress, her fur covering, her necklace, her gloves, her hairstyle and appearance seem to have been accurately and prophetically depicted by one Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill many decades ago.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 21st
2021.
Orson Welles, Faust, Marilyn Monroe and The Asphalt Jungle
The ghost of Orson Welles sat in an armchair in the living room of the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
He had been imbibing several spectral glasses of spectral red wine from a large bottle of spectral red wine and reminiscing to Renfield about his mortal life.
“I’m not quite sure how it happened,” Welles’ nose was starting to look as red as that of his favourite Shakespearian character Falstaff, “but I somehow managed one day to find myself on the set of the 1950 film noir movie The Asphalt Jungle in which Marilyn Monroe starred.”
“Did you?” Renfield was intrigued.
“Yes,” Welles nodded, “and what was even more intriguing is that the Renaissance German alchemist Dr. Johann Georg Faust (who was born in 1480 and supposedly died in an alchemical experiment explosion at the Hotel zum Lowen in the German town of Staufen im Breisgau in 1540 but he did not) was also on the set of that film.”
“That’s right,” Renfield nodded, “Faust didn’t die until 2011 when I hired an Irish arsonist to bump him off.”
“That’s interesting,” Welles poured himself another glass of spectral red wine, “anyways I wasn’t sure what Faust was doing there.”
“My friend the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu who used to be a Communist but isn’t anymore (as she and I have conceived a plot to bump off Xi Jinping) was doing some research and discovered that Faust was doing biological warfare research for the Nazis in the 1930s and 1940s. Apparently that research involved working with bats in Mexico. Somehow that bat research wound up in the hands of Soong Mei-ling (Madame Chiang Kai-shek). Soong Mei-ling’s Kuomintang operatives who had his research papers later defected to the Communist forces of Mao Tse-tung,” Renfield noted, “Later that research wound up in the hands of the Wuhan Institute of Virology.”
“That is interesting,” Welles acknowledged.
“What was Faust doing on the set of The Asphalt Jungle?” Renfield inquired.
“I think he was brought in as some sort of last minute technical advisor,” Welles recalled.
Renfield googled images of the film.
“Well, would you look at that,” Renfield was shocked.
“What is it?” Welles asked.
Renfield showed him the photo.
“It’s Marilyn Monroe with the image of the Coronavirus behind her,” Renfield noted.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 22nd
2021.
Hera and The Gangsters
The Greek goddess Hera starring in a 1930s Broadway play about gangsters
It was the decade of the 1930s.
And the Greek goddess Hera was honing her theatrical skills by starring in a Broadway play about gangsters.
It was dress rehearsal night – the evening before the official opening.
Hera was awaiting the arrival of the gangster boss Big Frank Malone.
A man came on stage wearing a fedora hat and gangster suit and carrying a big violin case.
Hera, speaking out of character, said, “You don’t look like John Barrymore to me.”
“I’m afraid John is a bit under the weather tonight,” the understudy replacement for John Barrymore replied.
“How many bottles did he have to drink today?” Hera asked.
“You know the real Barrymore obviously,” Dracul Van Helsing, who had time travelled from the future and was now playing the role of Big Frank Malone in this play about gangsters, replied.
“That’s funny,” the ghost of Orson Welles, who had likewise time travelled from the future, remarked as he sat in the front row, “I don’t ever recall John Barrymore starring in a play about gangsters.”
“He possibly drank before each performance and never made it to the stage,” Van Helsing noted.
“By Jove, I think you’re right,” Welles agreed.
“Please, don’t use one of my husband’s Roman names,” Hera stood up.
“I forgot,” Welles bowed, “I do apologize.”
Hera approached Van Helsing, “Well, Dracul, since you’ve come from the future to step in for the great John Barrymore, perhaps we can do an improvisational performance tonight.”
“And what improvisational performance did you have in mind?” Van Helsing inquired.
“How about making out here on the stage?” Hera smiled.
And Hera and Van Helsing did just that.
“Not again,” Welles’ ghost buried his ghostly head in his ghostly hands.
As Hera and Van Helsing made out, soon thunder and lightning flashed around the stage.
“And furthermore, I just would happen to be in the very theatre on the night the Greek god Zeus decided to attend a Broadway play,” Welles’ ghost sighed.
The next day a hangover stricken John Barrymore was asked what happened to the theatre as it lay in ruins.
“Well, I know people are once again going to say this was a hallucination brought on by too much drink on my part,” Barrymore commented, “but it was an angry and cuckholded Greek god Zeus who destroyed this theatre because his wife the Olympian queen Hera was making out with a mortal.”
The members of the New York press laughed and shook their heads.
And that was the reason history has no record of John Barrymore starring in a Broadway play about gangsters.
The ghost of radio announcer Paul Harvey appeared in front of the lightning produced charred ashes of the theatre and gave his usual radio show sign-off, “And now you know the rest of the story.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 1st
2021.
Maria Orsic and The Turing Jukebox Computer
Maria Orsic and The Turing Jukebox Computer
Two rogue agents for MI-5 (although no one in MI-5 knew they were rogue agents) informed British Prime Minister Boris Johnson that the Occult and Paranormal Research Division of Interpol was aware of his midnight meetings with zombie nosferatu that were going on in the ballroom of the newly opened Imperial Aurora Hotel in London and that it might be a good idea if he ceased these meetings for the time being.
A spy for Interpol at 10 Downing Street informed Interpol agent Peter Whitstable the head of the Occult and Paranormal Research Division of the warning from the MI-5 rogue agents which inspired messy haired Boris Johnson (who was still unaware of the invention of the comb that had taken place centuries earlier) to cancel further meetings.
Whitstable thus called an end to the Interpol sting operation at the Imperial Aurora Hotel which would have exposed the Johnson-zombie nosferatu meetings.
The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka returned to her flat in central London (she had rented a room right in the Imperial Aurora Hotel which would have allowed her close contact to the ballroom).
Dracul Van Helsing likewise returned to his flat in East London.
And Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was currently at the Set Enterprises laboratory recovering from a massive hangover having drunk the contents of 1001 bottles of Hendrik’s Gin which successfully brought him back from the dead for the 2nd time in two months.
Van Helsing was soon off another mission however.
This one with the ghost of Orson Welles.
Van Helsing and Welles were to use the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern to travel back in time to the year 1953.
Apparently Whitstable’s contacts at NASA told him that the great mathematician Alan Turing (who had developed the computing machine that cracked the Enigma Nazi Code) had in 1953 developed a computer whose purpose was to pick up signals from extraterrestrial life forms in the universe.
The computer for whatever reason was hidden inside a jukebox on a table in the office of a Chelsea cafe.
And then disappeared mysteriously just as MI-5 agents raided the cafe.
Now it was believed to be in the home of a Havana Cuba based Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike according to the visions of DARPA’s psychic lobster Van Gogh’s All Hearing Ear (who was a distant cousin of Set Enterprises’ psychic lobster Michelangelo).
When asked for his analysis, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster typing on his own waterproof laptop computer said that the Turing jukebox computer had been stolen in 1953 by the vampire Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.
Kohler had, according to Michelangelo, time traveled from this month and this year back to 1953 to steal the Turing jukebox computer just before MI-5 agents arrived at the Chelsea cafe to take control of the machine.
The solution was to send a time traveler back in time to grab the Turing jukebox computer before Kohler could do so.
Thus Van Helsing and Welles were on their way back to that Chelsea cafe in ’53.
Arriving on the scene, Van Helsing and Welles came face to face with:
Maria Orsic and The Turing Juke Box Computer
Maria Orsic was an immortal.
She was a medium who had been head of the German Vril Society.
Van Helsing had met her on a time traveling mission before when the vampire hunter had time traveled back to Washington DC in the late 1930s.
Welles’ ghost had recalled that Van Helsing had made out with Maria Orsic on that occasion.
“So, Van Helsing,” Maria Orsic smiled at him, “I suppose you’re hear to steal the Turing Jukebox Computer before the vampire Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau arrives on the scene?”.
“I am,” Van Helsing nodded.
“But I think I better spank you first,” Maria produced a rather sturdy wooden hairbrush.
“I think you’re right,” Van Helsing started taking his clothes off.
“Not again,” Welles’ ghost moaned as he buried his ghostly head in his ghostly hands.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday February 23rd
2021.
If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It
June 18, 2021 at 10:43 pm (Commentary, Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (Bill Gates, Build Back Better, Dashwood Forrest, Ghost of Orson Welles, Orson Welles, Renfield R. Renfield, The Ghost of Orson Welles)
“I’ll take that last slice of pizza if you don’t mind, Mr. Farrow.”
“Cut!” Orson Welles shouted, “That’s a take!”.
“I’ll say it is,” said the actress as she grabbed and ate the last slice of pizza.
The day’s production was over.
Welles took his hat and coat and went to a nearby lounge where he ordered a glass of red wine.
After a few sips, he fell asleep.
When he awoke, he was a ghost in a pub in London called The Ghosts’ Inn and he was sipping a spectral glass of spectral red wine.
Welles wasn’t sure whether he was a mortal man dreaming that he was a ghost or whether he was a ghost dreaming about his days as a mortal man.
It was like that myth he had once heard about the man who fell asleep and dreamed that he was a caterpillar and then when he woke up again, he wasn’t sure whether he was a man who dreamed he was a caterpillar or whether he’s a caterpillar who’s now dreaming that he’s a man.
“Such intense thoughts on the cusp of the summer solstice,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield remarked over a gin and tonic.
“I wasn’t aware that I was thinking such thoughts aloud,” Welles’ ghost sighed.
“You were,” Renfield dug into his fish and chips with his knife and fork.
A butterfly flew in through the window of the pub.
“I wonder what the butterfly dreams,” Renfield mused aloud.
“Not sure,” Welles admitted, “But he’s got both man and caterpillar beat.”
“Of course there are some idiots,” Renfield pointed out, “let’s call them in Seinfeldian fashion Klaus Schwab, the World Economic Forum, Joe Biden, Justin Trudeau and Boris Johnson who probably figure that when it comes to butterflies, they can still Build Back Better.”
A British engineering student (who had spent the Covid lockdown studying Schwab’s book on The Fourth Industrial Revolution) was in another booth operating his robotic butterfly (that he called the Transbutterfly).
The Transbutterfly was trying to take nectar from the petal of an artificial flower.
The butterfly who had flown past Renfield and Welles flew out the door while the Transbutterfly flew into another customer’s pint of ale where it burst a gasket and disintegrated.
Dashwood Forrest the noted London art gallery dealer walked past Renfield and Welles carrying a godawful painting.
“What’s that hideous monstrosity?” Both Welles and Renfield asked at the same time.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to give this painting away,” Forrest admitted, “Bill Gates gave it to me on commission to sell. It’s a painting that he himself painted. He calls it Painting of A Build Back Better Sunset.”
“That’s a sunset?” Welles and Renfield both asked increduously at the same time.
Renfield put on his spectacles and Welles put on a ghostly spectral monocle.
Both man and ghost reacted with horror.
Renfield vomitted all over the painting while Welles spewed forth ghostly ectoplasm.
“I have to say that’s a very significant improvement,” Forrest declared after the vomit and ectoplasm now found their way on to Bill Gates’ Build Back Better Sunset.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 18th
2021.
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