Margarita Carmen Cansino, Orson Welles and Jack Benny

September 21, 2019 at 11:04 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Movies, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Margarita Carmen Cansino, Orson Welles and Jack Benny 

The Norse trickster god Loki sat at the controls of the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.

He had just finished sampling a month’s supply of Chemical of The Day Club (as opposed to Book of The Month Club) samples sent to him by a friend in Australia who went by the cheery sounding name of Uncle Ernie.

With Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day fully in control of his mind, Loki was now creating many a time warp down at CERN.

With Liberace and Olivia Newton John performing a duet of the song Let’s Do The Time Warp Again (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show) in the background, Loki was doing much temporal mischief.

The ghost of Orson Welles (who currently lived as a spectral guest in the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where, along with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, he served as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) found himself sent back in time to the year 1935.

Tears came to Welles’ spectral eyes when he saw the young Margarita Carmen Cansino (who was later forced by Hollywood studio producers to change her name to Rita Hayworth) standing there.

“I should have been a more loving husband to her,” Welles’ ghost sobbed as he ordered a bottle of Chardonnay from the studio gopher.

“I can’t believe the nerve of that white guy who wanted to audition for the role of Charlie Chan,” Margarita Carmen Cansino shook her head.

“Would that have been Warner Oland?” Welles asked.

“No,” Rita shook her head, “Some non-talented entity from up in Canada who had listed High School Drama Teacher in Vancouver on his resume.”

Welles’ ghost went over to the next studio where the great American comic actor Jack Benny was holding auditions for his next movie.

Some obviously white guy wearing blackface stood on stage at the microphone.

“Hi,” said the man, “My name is Justin Trudeau and I’d like to audition for the role of Rochester.”

“Someone get that bum out of here,” Benny remarked.

Cerberus the 3-headed dog from the Underworld of Hades chased the Rochester wannabe off stage.

Welles began returning to the year 2019 when Loki hit another control at CERN.

As Welles whizzed through the year 1968, he encountered a newspaper boy shouting, “Read all about it. Peter Sellers beats out a Canadian for the role of Hrundi V. Bakshi in the movie The Party.”

Welles went back momentarily to the year 1965 where Mel Brooks the Executive Producer of the TV series Get Smart was remarking, “I don’t even want that Drama teacher auditioning for this role never mind getting it,” as a KAOS villain shouts, “Not Claw, Craw!”.

Welles eventually landed back in 2019 where he arrived in the Set Mansion living room as Amadeus was watching the 2016 remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 21st
2019.

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Musical Instruments, Hazardous Vegetables, Amazon Rainforest and The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector

August 23, 2019 at 9:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Musical Instruments, Hazardous Vegetables, Amazon Rainforest and The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector

British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked his friend Amadeus Emanon, “Did you hear what happened to the saxophonist who played his musical instrument so badly?”.

“No,” Amadeus shook his head.

“He became a registered sax offender,” Renfield replied.

Amadeus buried his head in his hands.

Meanwhile down at the Set Enterprises aquarium, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a vision of Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro wearing a long Roman toga, a crown of laurel wreath in his hair (much like that worn by the Emperor Nero) and holding in his hands a violin which he was playing badly as the Amazon rainforests burned.

Meanwhile in the waters off the coast of Norway, tragedy struck the Russian spy beluga whale defector who had recently defected to the Norwegians with the help of the ghost of Orson Welles.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 23rd
2019.

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Legacy of The Baskervilles

August 7, 2019 at 10:14 pm (Arts, Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, Movies, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Legacy of The Baskervilles

“I always wanted to do a movie based on a Sherlock Holmes story,” said the ghost of Orson Welles as he entered Baskerville Hall.

“And you’re thinking of the Hound of The Baskervilles?” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing asked.

“I am,” Welles lit himself a spectral cigar.

“Of course that story has been done several times in film format,” Van Helsing noted, “you will have to do something that makes yours stand out from the rest.”

“Precisement,” Welles pulled out a bottle of spectral red wine from one overcoat pocket and a glass from the other, “and I’m just the man to do it.”

“I would have to agree,” Van Helsing nodded.

“So I hear Baskerville Hall is now owned by Britain’s Heritage Trust,” Welles poured himself a glass of spectral red wine.

“It is,” Van Helsing acknowledged, “it was purchased recently by Dashwood Forrest the owner of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London. He donated it to Heritage Trust to get a big charity donation receipt to help him with a big tax deduction.”

“A most astute decision,” Welles sipped his red wine.

“So, have you given much thought to how you intend to make your adaptation of The Hound of The Baskervilles different?” Van Helsing asked.

“Let us go into the living room of Baskerville Hall,” Welles suggested, “perhaps seeing that large spacious room will give me some ideas.”

Welles and Van Helsing entered the living room.

And there stood….

The Welsh vampiress Morgana.

“As you know,” Morgana spoke, “Britain’s new Prime Minister Boris Johnson recently appointed me Deputy Home Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security. And both of you are trespassing on Heritage Trust property.”

Welles’ ghost made haste out of the living room and out of Baskerville Hall on the off chance that Morgana might sic the ghost of the Hound of the Baskervilles on him.

Only Dracul Van Helsing remained.

The Welsh vampiress took the vampire hunter over her knee and spanked him.

Welles’ ghost walked around the Baskerville Hall grounds and finished his spectral bottle of spectral red wine and smoked his entire spectral box of spectral cigars.

He thought he better go back inside and see what happened to Van Helsing.

There was Van Helsing on the living room floor having tantric sex with Morgana.

Welles turned and hastily closed the door behind him (forgetting that he could walk through doors and walls).

“Well,” Welles took out a piece of spectral chewing gum, “after seeing that scene, that should give me no shortage of ideas on how to make my film adaptation of The Hound of the Baskervilles different from everybody else’s.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 7th
2019.

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Lilith In London

August 4, 2019 at 10:25 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Lilith In London

The Babylonian vampiress Lilith was in London in an old abandoned factory.

She was watching the ghost of Orson Welles direct a short film showing the retirement party of a modern major-general.

As the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate captain of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal stood by, the retiring major-general sang from The Pirates of Penzance, “I am the very model of the modern major-general…”

Although the major-general wore a typical major-general’s handlebar style moustache, he also wore a Versace dress evening gown.

For being the very model of the modern major-general, he/she was naturally transgendered.

When he had finished singing “I am the very model of the modern major-general”, some of his soldiers went and sang an old musical routine from Monty Python’s Flying Circus,

“Who says I’m a puff? I’ve got your number but you couldn’t afford me dear. Ooooooooohhhhhh!”.

Orson Welles looked at his ghostly antique timepiece watch and said, “Okay, that’s a wrap.”

Cast and crew broke for the day.

Among the spectators at the film shoot was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Just the man that Lilith wanted to see.

“Van Helsing!” She called out from where she sat.

The vampire hunter turned around.

Lilith immediately ran towards him, threw him to the ground and mounted him.

“I’m looking for a tantric sex partner,” she whispered as she ripped his clothes off.

Orson Welles turned around, “Well, Dracul, are you ready to head back to Set’s mansion?”.

He then noticed what Dracul and Lilith were doing.

“I guess not,” Welles’ ghost shook his head.

He headed to a nearby pub and ordered a spectral glass of red wine.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 4th
2019.

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The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

July 26, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

A beluga whale who was a spy for the Russians had recently defected to Norway a few months back.

The whale had been helped in his defection by the ghost of Orson Welles.

After the whale had successfully defected, Welles’ ghost eventually returned to England where he served as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had just been named to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering).

The whale meanwhile had spent the past few months being debriefed by Norwegian Navy and Norwegian Intelligence officials.

The beluga had ate a great quantity of fish during this time although the whale said he “didn’t care much for lutefisk” much to the disappointment of Norway’s Minister of Culture.

The beluga told the Norwegians that much was happening under the sea these days.

Poseidon had had his trident stolen by the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis.

The trident was given to Russian scientists who had developed a new submarine weapon with it.

The beluga (who had taken the name Melville) also said that the Norse deity of the ocean who was the sea jotunn Aegir and was also the major thrower of parties for the Norse gods and goddesses had recently started selling his ale (brewed in a huge cauldron provided by Thor and Tyr) to mortals.

Most mortals were incapable of handling the hangover that the ale gave them, the beluga stated, and when combined with certain other liquors could prove fatal to mortals.

One of the last things he had heard, Melville said (while posing for a photo with someone wearing a Herman Munster mask), was that The Ten Bells Pub in London used Aegir Ale and combined it with 9 liquors to make a shooter called The T-Rex.

If any mortal drank more than one T-Tex shooter, it would kill them.

The Norse goddess Freya, who had her own stenographer present at the beluga whale debriefing, informed Dracul Van Helsing of this.

“Renfield,” Dracul replied, “as in many other matters, is an exception to this rule.”

“Well,” Freya stood up from her dressing table and chair, “come and show me what rules you’re an exception to.”

Dracul did just that.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday July 26th
2019.

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Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

June 8, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was in a room in the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

Dressed in an exquisite lilac purple evening gown, Qonzilqointec knelt on a neo-Louis XIV royal Bourbon blue chair alongside a modern statue of a long-necked crane raising its beak towards a lantern of good fortune.

Into the room walked her friend and lover the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

He had just returned from Jerusalem Israel where he had escorted Miranda Singh (the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) who was beginning a top secret mission for British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“Your Highness,” Dracul addressed the Aztec vampiress, “you look the epitome of regal royalty.”

Qonzilqointec smiled, “Those weren’t the words Donald Trump spoke when I lay on his neck and threatened to drain every ounce of blood from his body unless he decided to drop the tariffs he was threatening to impose on my homeland of Mexico.”

“I see you were successful in your negotiations,” Dracul noted, “The U.S. has reached an agreement with Mexico and will not be imposing the tariffs Trump had threatened to impose starting this Monday.”

“Having lived 600 years, I have mastered the art of the deal,” She approached Dracul and gave him a non-fatal hickey.

. . .

The ghost of Orson Welles was having a spectral dream.

He dreamed of his wife Rita Hayworth as Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon speaking to a bird who was a parrot-raven hybrid created by a 1930s mad scientist forerunner of an early 21st Century Transhumanist scientist.

Said Rita as Semiramis to the parrot-raven hybrid,

“Oh bird who spoke to Poe in the bleak December
Crossed with a bird who can’t shut up and is able to remember 
The world is confused and troubled 
And about to burst an economic bubble 
Putin warns of a new arms race
Stretching from sea to outer space 
Because on arms control, the U.S. won’t negotiate 
Preferring to leave humanity’s hands up to a very dark fate
“Nevermore” you might cry
As peace dove falls from the sky 
Lenore is lost but so are we all 
The end result of Eden’s fall.

-A vampire novel chapter
and poem
written by Christopher
Saturday June 8th
2019.

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Orson Welles’ Ghost Views The Only Scene Ever Filmed For Roman Polanski’s Wuthering Heights

May 30, 2019 at 10:40 pm (Arts, Culture, Film, Literature, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The ghost of Orson Welles was admiring a small sculpture of the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow that the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had recently purchased from the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.

The sculpture showed the Headless Horseman and his pumpkin head riding a black horse while the schoolteacher Ichabod Crane is seen getting run over by one of Santa’s reindeer who, after drinking too much Kickapoo Joy Juice, mistook Halloween night for Christmas Eve and was venturing in the forest near Sleepy Hollow following the Headless Horseman and his black horse and his orange pumpkin head mistaking the latter for Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’s red shiny nose.

“What a delightfully eclectic and eccentric sculpture,” Welles’ ghost remarked as he looked at it while sampling a glass of spectral red wine.

Welles had been informed by British MP Renfield R. Renfield that Boris Johnson (the former Foreign Secretary of Britain) had purchased a retirement gift for British Prime Minister Theresa May at the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery.

The gift was an 18th Century portrait painting of an 18th Century Irish Pirate of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal.

Welles had recently met the ghost of Kerry Donegal in person when Renfield had brought him home after a night of carousing at the Oscar Wilde Pub.

Welles decided to go down to the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in person to see what other great treasures were available there.

The door to the gallery was opened by Dashwood Forrest’s Irish manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie who was undergoing his own personal zombie apocalypse after having drunk too much Guinness stout and Jameson’s Irish whiskey the night before.

“Excuse the hand on the floor,” Mulligan remarked after his right hand came apart at the wrist and fell on the floor.

As Mulligan tried to re-attach his right hand to the rest of his right arm, Welles’ ghost was greeted by art gallery owner and curator Dashwood Forrest who had a martini in his own hand.

“You know the trouble with being dead is you’re decomposing all the time,” Mulligan the Irish zombie remarked as his right ear fell off.

“Mulligan never did have an ear for music,” Forrest invited Welles into his office, “but do come into my office. I have something that a great film director such as yourself would be interested in.”

As Mulligan managed to find his right ear below a portrait of Vincent Van Gogh, Dashwood Forrest closed the office door behind him and Welles.

“Let me run the film projector,” said Forrest, “for I have here on film the only scene ever completed and shot for a film adaptation of Wuthering Heights that Roman Polanski intended to make back in 1989 but financing for the movie was pulled at the last moment. Polanski was setting his version of Wuthering Heights in the late 20th Century. This was a scene between Heathcliff and Cathy.”

The projector ran and the Polanski 20th Century Wuthering Heights scene between Heathcliff and Cathy- a single still shot appeared:

“Where’s Heathcliff?” Welles asked.

“Heathcliff is the old car in the photo,” Forrest answered, “Polanski intended the movie as a cross between Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights and Stephen King’s Christine.”

“Now I’ve seen everything,” Welles looked stonefaced, “Jack Nicholson must have sent Polanski plenty of California grass that Roman smoked before he came up with the idea for this picture.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 30th
2019.

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The Kraken Meets The Ghost of Orson Welles In Paris

May 23, 2019 at 9:14 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Voting in the European Parliament elections had begun today and would continue until May 26th.

The Kraken Napoleon VI, leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party, sat in the Quasimodo Cafe and calmly sipped Lemon Tea and dipped potato chips into Sour Cream and Onion Chip Dip as he awaited the first of the results to come in.

His wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon (who had been cured of her Gorgonism by Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) sat calmly painting her fingernails a lovely Moulin Rouge.

The ghost of Orson Welles (who sat across from Medusa and the Kraken) recalled how his late former wife Rita Hayworth had once performed the Can Can (to the tune of Jacques Offenbach’s Orpheus In The Underworld) with her fingers while wearing a pair of black leather gloves.

The performance was considered too hot to handle and was not included in Miss Hayworth’s 1946 film Gilda.

“Johnny, be good,” an impromptu line spoken by Miss Hayworth was also edited out of the film.

“Did you ever consider running for political office when you were alive?” The Kraken asked Welles’ ghost.

“Well, Democratic Party organizers in Wisconsin the state of my birth did ask me to consider running as their candidate for the U.S. Senate in Wisconsin in 1946 but I declined,” Welles sipped a nice spectral glass of spectral red wine, “something that I regretted later as my Republican opponent would have been none other than Joe McCarthy. U.S. political history might have been different had I chosen to run.”

“There’s the Egyptian vampiress Isis,” Medusa spoke critically as the Egyptian vampiress walked through the door wearing a French flag tricoloured evening dress.

“Did you know Isis was the model for Frederic Auguste Bartholdi’s Statue of Liberty?” Welles recounted aloud some knowledge he had uncovered during his time spent in Purgatory.

“I’d heard that,” the Kraken ordered a cognac from the waiter.

“Isis is backing Emmanuel Macron’s party in the European Parliament elections,” Medusa’s voice dripped with contempt like a lethal dose of snake venom.

“I think Freemasons generally support the idea of a fully integrated European Union,” Welles lit a spectral cigar, “and since both Isis and Osiris are the prevalent deities worshipped in a lot of Masonic lodges around the world, it’s no surprise that Isis and the Masons would share a similar political viewpoint.”

“I still suspect our party will do well though,” the Kraken reached for 8 glasses of cognac with his 8 arms.

“I hear our ally across the Channel Renfield is doing well in most polls there,” Welles ordered a California wine much to the displeasure of the French waiter.

“He is,” the Kraken smiled, “I wonder how long he’ll be in the European Parliament before Brexit happens.”

“I imagine EU bureaucrats will be more sympathetic to the idea of a rapid Brexit to prevent Renfield from entering the European Parliament,” Welles brushed cigar ash out of his ghostly beard.

“I hear,” Medusa changed the subject, “that Prince Harry and Meghan the Duchess of Sussex were considering asking Renfield to be their son Archie Harrison’s godfather but that the Prince of Wales is strongly opposed to the idea.”

“That I heard as well,” Welles reached for the glass of Paul Masson Wine which was sold before its time, “and the Prince of Wales might have a point. Renfield could easily become the Falstaff to young Archie’s Prince Hal.”

On the other side of the cafe, the vampiress Isis ordered a Singapore Sling as she too waited for the first of the European Parliament election results.

Meanwhile in a Paris cinema, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was attending a large screen repertory showing of the 1942 film classic Casablanca.

Suddenly appearing on the screen in front of him was a scene he hadn’t recalled seeing before.

That’s because the black and white scene wasn’t part of the movie Casablanca.

It was the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis beckoning to him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 23rd
2019.

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The Kraken Napoleon VI In A Rome Taverna

May 9, 2019 at 9:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Kraken Napoleon VI and his wife Medusa were doing very well in the opinion polls for the EU Parliamentary elections in France.

There was a very good chance that both he and Medusa would be elected to the European Parliament in Strasbourg on behalf of the Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party.

French President Emmanuel Macron was already pulling his hair out at the news.

As the French President was on the phone to the Oval Office in Washington DC asking Donald Trump the name of a place where he did NOT buy his toupees, the Kraken Napoleon VI decided to take a break from the campaign trail and go for a short excursion to Rome.

Medusa herself would be hitting the roulette tables down in Monte Carlo.

After a day of sightseeing around Rome, the Kraken decided to pay a visit to a quiet Rome taverna and sample some good Italian wine.

When he entered through the taverna door, he noticed the ghost of Orson Welles sitting in a booth next to the statue of Venus.

“A lovely location you’ve chosen, Orson,” the Kraken sat across from the spirit he recognized as an advisor to his British Transhumanist political ally the British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“I did not choose this spot just to look at Venus’ lovely derriere contrary to what some might think,” Welles adjusted the hat on his head, “although a very lovely derriere it is. I do not want people mistaking me for Bill Clinton or Rev. Jesse Jackson enjoying Miss Ariana Grande’s most stellar performance at Aretha Franklin’s funeral last year. When I first sat down, that statue of Venus was dressed in furs. Venus in furs. But then the ghost of Baron Leopold von Sacher-Masoch entered the taverna and stole all the furs off Venus.”

“I’m sorry to have missed that,” the Kraken ordered 8 bottles of wine from the waiter.

“I hear you and Medusa are polling ahead of Macron’s party in the European Parliament elections,” Welles lit a spectral cigar.

“Yes, I’m pleased as punch about that,” the Kraken accepted a complimentary glass of punch from the taverna’s management.

Welles looked at a woman sitting at an adjacent table.

“That woman,” Welles continued to gaze in her direction, “looks a lot like Simone Simon.”

“The noted French actress?” The Kraken put on his monocle and looked in the woman’s direction.

“Yes, she was absolutely magnificent as the cat woman in the 1942 film The Cat People,” Welles recalled.

“Ever since I saw that film and saw that one particular scene, I’ve been reluctant to swim in a YWCA swimming pool ever since,” the Kraken recalled.

Just then a Vatican Cardinal entered the taverna and sat down.

Welles gazed at the Cardinal.

“You know,” Welles leaned over and whispered to the Kraken, “I’ve been told that Cardinal is a practicing satanist.”

Just then the woman who looked like Simone Simon shapeshifted into a black panther and went over and ripped the Cardinal to shreds leaving a tangled web of cardinal’s robes and spiralling pool of blood on the taverna floor.

The cat woman then left the taverna without paying her bill causing the waiter to have a major spaz attack and go running out into the streets chasing after the she beast.

“Well,” the Kraken looked at the cardinal’s hat floating on top of the pool of blood on the taverna floor, “It looks like Satan will have one less vote at the next papal conclave.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 9th
2019.

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Ghost of Orson Welles Meets Belvedere In Istanbul

May 6, 2019 at 9:40 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The ghost of Orson Welles was sitting in a cafe in Istanbul.

He had been told by a Russian spy beluga whale whom he had helped to defect to Norway this past weekend that the lovely mermaid Miranda when swimming through the Bosphorus Strait would often shapeshift into full human form and visit the Marmara Cafe in downtown Istanbul of which she loved the Turkish coffee being served there.

Welles could never recall meeting an actual mermaid in his past mortal life or current ghostly life so he decided to come to Istanbul and visit the Marmara Cafe on the off chance that he might meet Miranda.

Welles sat at a back table in the corner of the cafe and sipped a glass of spectral red wine occasionally glancing at the entrance to see if any woman who might be a mermaid in full human form came walking through the door.

He recited William Butler Yeats’ Sailing To Byzantium as he sat,

“… And therefore have I sailed the seas and come
To the holy city of Byzantium. ”

“Orson!” A voice shouted from the doorway.

It was the voice of Belvedere the ghost of a ghost white salamander.

Belvedere had been human but back in the mid-1880s in the American Wild West had been turned into a ghost white salamander through an ancient Egyptian spell cast by a gypsy woman who worked in the Wild West saloon where he worked as a bartender.

He became the ghost of a ghost white salamander when he crawled outside and was run over by a settlers’ ox cart heading west.

The first and last time Belvedere saw Welles was back in October 1938 just prior to the then Boy Wonder delivering his famous Halloween War of The Worlds broadcast.

“Belvedere,” the ghost of Orson Welles lit a spectral cigar, “Long time no see.”

“I see we’re both ghosts now,” Belvedere sat across from the spectral cinematic talent.

“Such are the ravages of time,” Welles blew rosebud shaped smoke rings, “unless we be vampires, vampiresses, gods, goddesses or immortal dominatrixes who have eaten just the right amount of Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms, we must all succumb to the hands of the scythe wielding spectre Death there to see our flesh melt and our bones turned to dust and our spirits wandering earth, purgatory or paradise until such time as our bodies and souls are reunited into a new transformed whole on the Day of Judgment.”

“Eloquent as ever, my friend,” Belvedere was impressed.

“So, what are you doing these days?” Welles sipped his wine, “What brings you to Istanbul?”.

“I am now a reporter for The Times of London,” the ghost white salamander answered, “I’m here on assignment. Turkey’s chief electoral body has ordered that Istanbul’s local elections be re-held after President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Islamist AK Party lost to the opposition secularist CHP Party after a shock opposition victory this past March.”

“It is indeed a hatchet in the cake of dictatorship when the trappings of democracy come crashing down just as the cake is being wheeled into the banquet hall where Ottoman Sultans once dined and harem girls once danced,” Welles helped himself to spectral caviar and spread it on a spectral slice of bread.

“Erdogan is indeed upset about the whole thing,” Belvedere agreed, “He himself used to be Mayor of Istanbul many years ago.”

“Such is the power of the spirit of Byzantium,” Welles drank a toast, “that this city can survive the misrule of a petty despot such as Erdogan.”

“Istanbul’s new CHP Mayor Ekrem Imamoglu is confident that he can win again in the re-held election,” Belvedere remarked.

“Beware the sting of scorpions and the fangs of serpents,” Welles’ baritone voice shook the cafe, “for my friends who still fast in the fires of Purgatory inform me that Lady MacBeth’s ghost serves as an advisor to Erdogan.”

“Great Scot! And great Caesar’s ghost!” Belvedere’s ghostly white face turned even more ghostly white, “Lady MacBeth!”.

“Never was a Film Noir Femme Fatale more femme fatalish than Lady MacBeth as the Bard so adeptly captured her personality, soul and spirit in his Scottish Play,” Welles raised his finger in the air to capture the direction the Mid-East winds were blowing, “for she serves not only as advisor to Erdogan but advisor to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman as well. Tantalizing both claimants to a future Caliphate. Playing one side against the other. Stringing both together as if playing on a harp whose strings are made of human sinews.”

Belvedere decided to change to a cheerier subject.

“Have you ever watched Game of Thrones?” Belvedere asked.

“I have never watched an episode in full,” Welles confessed, “I have watched segments of certain programs on YouTube.”

“What do you think?” Belvedere inquired.

“What do I think?” Welles lit another spectral cigar, inhaled and then exhaled smoke rings like dragons, “I think Game of Thrones captures what the world of Medieval Europe would have been like if there had been no figure of Christ at the center of the culture of Medieval Europe.”

“Really?” Belvedere pondered this thought.

“In such a Medieval Europe,” Welles took the final sip of what remained of his glass, “Every ruler would be able to say… we are all Lady MacBeth.”

As a woman in another corner of the cafe claimed to have just given birth to dragons, the ghost of Lady MacBeth entered the cafe’s entrance still carrying stains of blood on her spectral formerly mortal hands.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 6th 2019
Orson Welles’ 104th
birthday.

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