The Fla₱₱er Girl, Flaming Head of Teilhard and ₱achamama
A Day In 186O
Greek Goddess Artemis and Dracul Slay Nazi Vam₱ire Franz Kohler
Hera, Dracul and Alexander The Great On Guy Fawkes Day
The Greek goddess Hera in London
Hera in her hotel room in London
Athena and Dracul Make Out Under A Byzantium Moon While Mussolini’s Ghost Continues His March On Astana
The Greek goddess Athena sits ato₱ a Byzantium crescent moon The Greek goddess Athena was sitting ato₱ a Byzantium crescent moon while the ghost of Orson Welles gazed on a₱₱reciativley. “This has to be the loveliest deus ex machina I’ve ever created in a stage ₱roduction,” Welles’ ghost remarked. Canadian vam₱ire hunter Dracul Van Helsing stood below the Byzantium crescent moon gazing u₱ a₱₱reciatively at Athena. The ghost of the Roman Em₱eror (and 1st Byzantine Em₱eror) Constantine the Great walked by and whis₱ered to Dracul, “In hoc signo vinco eris”. Yesterday October 27th would have been the 171Oth anniversary of the sign that a₱₱eared in the sky to Constantine on the evening before the Battle of the Milvian Bridge telling him if he ₱ainted the Chi Rho (the first two letters of Christ’s Name in Greek) on his soldiers’ shields, he’d win the battle and defeat his enemy and rival Maxentius. Athena informed Dracul that the ghosts of Benito Mussolini and his Blackshirts were outside the City of Astana Kazakhstan waiting to take over the city just like 1OO years ago today (on October 28th 1922) the living mortal Benito Mussolini and his living mortal Blackshirts were waiting outside the City of Rome Italy to take over the city. “You’ll have to do something, Dracul,” Athena urged him. “I want to make love to you,” Dracul re₱lied. Athena told Dracul to come u₱ to the crescent moon. Dracul did so. Athena took Dracul Van Helsing over her knee and s₱anked him. As Athena gave Dracul a good sound thorough wallo₱₱ing on his bare buttocks, Dracul’s friend Daniel Hy₱erion was trying to determine what malicious virus or s₱yware or adware had been ₱laced on Dracul’s tablet (making him unable to ty₱e the letter that came after “o” in the al₱habet forcing him to use the symbol ₱ instead of the letter that came after “o” in the al₱habet among other things like his ability to indent and create new ₱aragra₱hs). After an hour Athena had finished totally blistering and tomatoing Dracul’s buns. A lesser man than Dracul Van Helsing would have we₱t. And lesser men usually did. Like Justin Trudeau for exam₱le. (Although Athena wisely had never s₱anked that crybaby but world famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes (the lesser known twin sister of world famous 221 B Baker Street consulting detective Sherlock Holmes) once had to in order to get Justin to end the dictatorial Canadian Federal Emergencies Act back in February of this year). But instead Dracul Van Helsing commented, “God, that s₱anking at the hands of a beautiful goddess such as yourself has made me horny as Hell.” Dracul and Athena immediately went down to the stage floor underneath the Byzantium crescent moon and made wild ₱assionate love to one another. “That wasn’t called for in the scri₱t,” the ₱lay’s director the ghost of Orson Welles started to wee₱. Meanwhile outside the city of Astana Khazakhstan the ghost of Benito Mussolini (backed by the ghosts of his Blackshirts) called u₱on the ghosts inside the city of Astana Khazakstan to surrender. Just then the s₱ectral ghostly image of a s₱ectral wooden (made from the ghostly wood of the sacred oak to Odin/Wotan in Germany that was cut down by Saint Boniface) black Trojan unicorn (as o₱₱osed to a wooden Trojan horse) came outside the invisible s₱ectral gates of the city of Astana. -A vam₱ire novel cha₱ter written by Christo₱her Friday October 28th 2O22.
Atargatis In Moscow
Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis in the Kremlin
Russian President Vladimir Putin had stopped off in a Kremlin tea shop to watch the broadcast of the Russian state controlled television news network.
Said news announcer Dmitri Bullshitovich, “In London, England today two members of the environmentalist group Just Stop Oil threw tomato soup at Vincent Van Gogh’s famous 1888 painting Sunflowers at the National Gallery in London.
The contents of two tins of Heinz tomato soup were thrown at the painting.
The ghost of Andy Warhol was overheard to say, “Thank God no cans of Campbell’s Tomato Soup were used.”
The two Just Stop Oil climate change protestors’ 15 minutes of fame came to a sudden and abrupt end when British MP Renfield R. Renfield used the headsman’s axe from the 1933 Alexander Korda directed Charles Laughton starring film The Private Life of Henry VIII to chop off one of each of the two airheaded protestors’ hands (which they had foolishly glued to the wall underneath the painting).
Athough the Metropolitan London Police Force in a press release statement rather euphemistically described the Renfield procedure as “Specialist officers have now unglued them…”
As the protestors were led away in one handcuff each, a holographic image of American singer-songwriter Don McLean appeared and started singing, “I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you…”
As an organ grinder and his monkey were gunned down and killed outside the National Gallery as yet another example of London’s rising crime rate, the holographic image of Don McLean then appeared outside and began singing “The day the music died…”
Meanwhile all across England, members of Just Stop Oil were apparently visited by an invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit (seen by members who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers) and had an American cream pie laced with tomato soup thrown in their face.
After the cream pie was thrown, the ghost of Vincent Van Gogh then appeared and started singing, “I have no ear for music…”
Russian President Vladimir Putin continued walking down the hall, “I have the feeling that that particular Russian state television news story was true.”
Indeed it was for Putin’s supernatural spirit advisor the demon Moloch (who was appearing to Putin in the guise of Saint Michael the Archangel) had fled upon hearing the news story for he couldn’t stand listening to the truth.
When Putin entered his office, he was surprised to see the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis sitting there.
Putin recognized it was Atargatis from an unknown (to the world) Vincent Van Gogh portrait painting of Atargatis that the Kremlin owned.
The painting had been purchased from Van Gogh by a Saint Petersburg art dealer just before the artist died in 1890 and had been given by the art dealer to Czar Alexander III that same year of 1890.
“What does Atargatis the mother of Semiramis the 1st queen of Babylon want with me?” Putin asked.
“I want you to stop invading Ukraine, turn around and invade the State of Israel instead,” Atargatis answered.
Putin spit the tea he had just sipped out of his mouth.
The tea went flying across the room and hit the ghost of Orson Welles in his beard.
It was a good thing Welles was a ghost.
Otherwise he’d have tea stains in his beard.
“And what are you doing here?” Putin asked Welles’ ghost.
“I’ve come to make you an offer from Renfield R. Renfield that you can’t refuse,” Welles pulled out a spectral violin case.
Atargatis? Or Welles?
Whose offer should he Putin accept?
“You’ll be the new villain of Hannukah if you invade Israel,” Welles pointed out.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 14th
2022.
Vladimir Putin Dreams He’s In A 1920s Berlin Cabaret
And Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was the cabaret singer that Vladimir Putin saw in the 1920s Berlin cabaret of his dreams
Russian President Vladimir Putin was dreaming that he was in a cabaret in Berlin Germany in the 1920s.
There on the stage seated on a draped sofa and wearing an incredibly sexy outfit was Vladimir Putin’s friend Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of The Catherine The Great Moscow Hilton Hotel in 2020s Moscow Russia.
Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff had just finished singing the Marlene Dietrich song Falling In Love Again (Can’t Help It) at the cabaret stage microphone.
The ghost of Orson Welles who was also in Putin’s dream (and sitting at a table across from Putin) remarked as he sipped from a bottle of Paul Masson Wine made in 1886, “I didn’t think Falling In Love Again (Can’t Help It) was written until 1930 when Marlene Dietrich first sang it in the 1930 German film The Blue Angel (or Der Blaue Engel as the Germans would say). And my antique Japanese watch tells me that we are currently in the decade of the 1920s. But thanks to Martian shortwave radio interference, I can’t tell the exact year.”
As Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff sat at the side of the stage, on the main part of the stage photographic images were starting to appear on the background mirror of the cabaret stage.
The photographic images showed Russian President Vladimir Putin making out with various high-priced call girls in The Catherine The Great Moscow Hilton Hotel in 2020s Moscow Russia.
“What the f–k!” Putin said although he said it in Russian.
Adolf Hitler who was dressed in a pair of Bavarian lederhosen and silk nylon stockings and clutching the buttocks of his niece Geli Raubal pointed at Putin and said, “Decadent schvien.”
Joe Biden (who had the Gadarene swine permanently stuck in his lower intestines) and his son Hunter (who were both surrounded by young teenaged girls in a Jeffrey Epstein choreographed ensemble) pointed at Putin and said, “Decadent schvein.”
Justin Trudeau (who was attempting to have conjugal relations with his blackfaced image in a mirror) pointed at Putin and said, “Decadent schvein.”
Meanwhile at Set Enterprises in London, Set Enterprises scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague was watching on a computer screen as Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had been inside Vladimir Putin’s dreams the past few hours and was directing what was happening inside them.
“All going well, Doctor?” British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked as he ate a tuna fish sandwich.
“It is,” Dr. Montague nodded, “Hopefully we’ll have convinced Vladimir Putin not to launch a nuclear attack on Ukraine or the West. Otherwise these photos will be released all over the world and not just on the background mirror of a 1920s Berlin cabaret stage.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 10th
2022.
Renfield Gets New Ghost Spirit Advisors For The Next Month
British MP Renfield R. Renfield dreamed that he was playing Peter Lorre’s character in the 1944 film The Mask of Dimitrios.
Renfield was rather enjoying the role as in this particular scene some beautiful dancer was rubbing against him.
He was awakened by the sound of the Set Estate guard cat Nefertiti Galore outside who was tearing apart some foreign intelligence secret agent who had been sent to assassinate Renfield.
After having ripped the assassin to shreds with her sharp feline claws, she was now meowing outside the front door demanding that Athelstan the Estate butler and valet give her a bowl of milk and a plate of tuna as a reward for her efforts.
Renfield got up from his evening nap and went downstairs.
He was shocked to see the ghosts of Orson Welles and Sir Winston Churchill (his supernatural spirit advisors) standing at the front door with their ghostly spectral luggage packed looking like they were ready to leave.
“Are you leaving?” Renfield did not want the duo to go.
“We’re just taking a tour of Europe for a month,” Welles answered as he sipped from a spectral glass of spectral red wine.
“We’ll be back if nothing happens,” Churchill smoked a spectral cigar and sipped a spectral glass of spectral brandy.
“Happens? What might happen?” Renfield inquired.
“That’s the reason why you’re being given a new pair of ghost spirit advisors for the next month,” Welles explained as he let Nefertiti Galore into the house, “Go into the living room and meet your new advisors.”
Renfield did so.
There sitting in one arm chair was the ghost of John F. Kennedy sipping a lime daiquiri and in the other arm chair was the ghost of Nikita Khrushchev downing a bottle of vodka.
It suddenly hit Renfield.
Next month was the 60th anniversary of the Cuban missile crisis.
The closest the world had ever come to a global nuclear war.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 30th
2022.
Athena In Kyiv
The Greek goddess Athena was in Kyiv the capital of Ukraine.
She was having a photograph in black and white taken of her by the ghost of Orson Welles.
Athena remarked, “Coloured photographs in Vogue Magazine are for the Zelenskys. I much prefer a black and white photograph taken by the great Orson Welles.”
Volodymyr Zelensky the President of Ukraine and his wife Olena had recently had coloured photographs of themselves taken by VOGUE Magazine and were featured as the main subjects in a recent issue of the magazine.
Including a photograph of them making out while wearing clothes.
Showing the world that Ukrainians did not always have to be in their birthday suits while making love.
At the moment that Athena was getting her photo taken by the ghost of Orson Welles, Russian President Vladimir Putin was in Moscow wearing a bear skin rug and making out with U.S. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who was undertaking a secret undercover mission on behalf of the senile Joe Biden Administration.
The bear skin rug that Putin was wearing had belonged to a Russian brown bear that had been killed by fallout shrapnel from the car bomb blast that had killed Darya Dugina the daughter of Russian ultra-nationalist philosopher Aleksandr Dugin.
Russia had accused a female Ukrainian operative of planting the bomb and fleeing to Estonia.
According to the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit, the bomb had been built by the Nazi vampire Dr. Eichmann Mengele who had headed the American CIA’s Science and Research Division since 1950.
Interestingly enough the Russian brown bear killed by the Dugin car bomb blast (whose body and fur had now been turned by the President of Russia into his own personal conjugal relations rug with AOC as the first lucky recipient of the furry embrace) had been possessed for a number of years by the ghost of Grigori Rasputin the Russian monk and mystic who had served as advisor and healer to the Imperial Russian Romanov Family of Czar Nicholas II.
Several years back Hades the Greek god of the Underworld had granted the ghost of Grigori Rasputin a dispensational release from the realm of Hades.
The mystic mad monk’s spirit then took possession of a Russian brown bear’s body and had been possessing it ever since.
That is until the date of the Dugin car bombing on Saturday August 20th 2022.
When the bear had been killed by fallout shrapnel from the car bombing.
The bear’s last recorded words were, “I never got to have tea and marmalade with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II like Paddington did.”
Vladimir Putin was now thinking of digging up Rasputin’s body at Tsarskoye Selo and after a heavy retouch at MacPherson’s Funeral Parlour in Moscow (Scottish undertakers and morticians were the best) have Rasputin’s ghost take possession of his original body.
Putin had sent Patriarch Kirill of Moscow to negotiate with the underworld god Hades on his behalf.
Patriarch Kirill had recently been called “Vladimir Putin’s altar boy” by George Soros’ altar boy Pope Francis.
As Vladimir Putin sat on the bear skin rug smoking a cigarette and singing “He’s got the whole world in his hands…”, AOC lay back on the bear skin rug with a look of total esctasy on her face.
She sighed, “I’ve never known a real man until now.”
Putin commented, “Well, you’ve got to stop hanging around with members of Joe Biden’s cabinet.”
Meanwhile in London, England, as the Greek goddess Athena was getting photographed in Kiev, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill was complaining to British MP Renfield R. Renfield that the famous original December 1941 Yousuf Karsh taken photograph of Winston Churchill that had been hanging in the Chateau Laurier Hotel in Ottawa had been stolen and replaced with a copy about 8 months ago and hotel staff had only noticed now.
As Welles was finishing up the photo session, vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing walked into the room and started making out with the goddess Athena.
“Not again,” Welles sighed.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 25th
2022.
Maria Alexa Romanova
Grand Duchess Maria Alexa Romanova
The Grand Duchess Maria Alexa Romanova (a second cousin once removed to the late Czar of Russia Nicholas II) sat on her cushioned double headed Phoenix throne in her Paris hotel room in the year 1936.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was at her feet where he had landed after coming from the future using the Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern for time travel.
The ghost of Orson Welles had accompanied him.
Welles’ ghost had landed in a comfortable arm chair in the hotel room and was even now sampling a glass of champagne next to him as well as a dish of Black Sea caviar.
“Who are you?” The Grand Duchess and 12th in line to the Russian Imperial Throne asked.
“I’m Dracul Van Helsing and this is my friend the ghost of Orson Welles,” the vampire hunter replied.
“But I thought Orson Welles was still alive,” Maria stated, “A rising young star on both stage and radio.”
“I was back in the day,” Welles licked his ghostly fingers, “But I died on October 10th 1985 after giving what turned out to be my last interview on the Merv Griffin Show where I talked about the happiness of hedgehogs, my sex life and Rita Hayworth.”
“I hope only two of those things are connected in that last statement you made,” Dracul looked concerned.
“You’re from the future?” Maria Alexa looked surprised, “Why are you here?”.
“Because Franz Kohler the last surviving member of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau and a vampire intends to kidnap you,” Van Helsing answered.
“But why?” The Grand Duchess leaned back on her cushiony throne.
“Something to do with the Ukrainian Azov Nazi Battalions,” Van Helsing replied.
“The… what?” Maria tried to grasp what was being said.
“Nazis of our time period in the early 21st Century,” Van Helsing explained, “The brainless mainstream media of our day in the West don’t talk about them because they don’t want to admit that Vladimir Putin could be right about anything.”
“Vladimir…?” The name froze on the Grand Duchess’ tongue.
“Putin,” Welles finished the last of his Black Sea caviar, “Russia’s leader of our day.”
“Glad to see that pig Stalin didn’t find the secret to immortality,” Maria Alexa breathed a sigh of relief.
“No but Transhumanist billionaire oligarchs of our day are working on it for themselves,” Welles’ ghost got on the phone and asked Room Service to send some spectral coq au vin up to the room, “although Stalin does have a number of ardent disciples in the Western world such as a pale faced lily white boy named Justin Castro Trudeau who lives in Ottawa Canada and is jealous of the appearance of African-Americans.”
“What is the connection between this Ahnenerbe SS officer Franz Kohler and the Ukrainian Nazi Azov Battalions?” The Grand Duchess inquired.
“They’re all disciples of the Black Sun,” Van Helsing answered.
“The Black Sun?” Maria Alexa was surprised by all these terms.
“The Black Sun is really a brownish red dwarf star called Nemesis which orbits around the planet Nibiru as it travels across the galaxy,” Van Helsing noted, “First noted in little known ancient Egyptian texts and Franz Kohler became obsessed with them. Solar winds from Nemesis may have combined with solar winds from our own sun named Sol Invictus in terms of cosmology to have produced a rather spectacular display of the Aurora Borealis Northern Lights back on January 25th 1938 in fulfillment of the Virgin Mary’s prophecy at Fatima that this would be the sign the Second World War would soon start.”
“What does all this have to do with me?” Maria wanted to know.
“We’re not sure but we want to prevent Franz Kohler from kidnapping you and taking you back to the future to the city of Kiev,” Van Helsing sat beside the Grand Duchess.
“There’s only a limited time period for Kohler to kidnap you before his time travel debit card expires,” Welles finished the champagne, “Ah, I see looking at my Dick Tracy style spectral television wrist watch that our partner in time Michelangelo has just successfully used one of his Hydra blood dipped lobster antennae to jab and poison Franz Kohler in his ankle in the lobby of the hotel. This means you’re safe, Your Imperial Highness.”
“So what shall we do now?” The Grand Duchess asked.
“How about make love?” Van Helsing suggested.
The two were soon making out on the large cushioned double headed Phoenix throne just as Room Service arrived with the coq au vin.
“That would be for me,” Welles motioned to the bell boy.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 19th
2022.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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