Is Kim Jong-un On His Death Bed?

April 25, 2020 at 10:04 pm (Arts, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Short play, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Is Kim Jong-un On His Death Bed?

“The most compelling empirical evidence to date that North Korea’s Kim Jong-un might indeed be lying on his deathbed is Donald Trump’s recent statement that reports of Kim having a serious illness are “gross exaggerations” and “fake news”.

-Renfield R. Renfield MP

Kim Jong-un was lying on top of his bed in his best suit (he didn’t want to be caught wearing clothes that he wouldn’t want to be found dead in).

“Egg foo yung,” Kim whispered in a somewhat audible voice, “Egg foo yung.”

“He really should have better scriptwriters in my opinion,” commented the ghost of Orson Welles who had Charles Foster Kane saying the word “Rosebud” on his death bed.

Orson’s ghost had somehow managed to evade the spirits of Kim’s ancestors to enter the North Korean Presidential Palace and Kim’s Presidential suite bedroom.

A group of beautiful young North Korean women wearing lovely colourful dresses knelt at the bottom of the portly young Kim’s bed and wailed like a Greek chorus mourning the death of Adonis in a Classical Greek tragedy.

A gong sounded and the beautiful North Korean women’s chorus immediately stopped wailing.

“Our shift is over, girls,” said the leader of the women.

They departed giggling and laughing and talked about what they might have for supper and who’d they be dating next weekend.

A new group of beautiful young North Korean women wearing lovely colourful dresses took positions at the bottom of the portly young Kim’s bed and resumed wailing.

. . .

Kim Yo-jong (the younger sister of Kim Jong-un) stood in front of her mirror holding a bottle of Corona beer in one hand and a diamond, emerald, sapphire and jade laced golden crown in the other.

Kim Yo-jong (speaking) :

Does the hand of Fate bequeath a new crown?
As Thanatos smiles behind a silent frown?
Has a golden corona struck down a King so a Queen may reign?
An Olympic garland wreath comes to me via a crown spoken in Spain?
I call upon the spirits of my ancestors to bless me 
as a new journey I may undertake.
America’s trump has sounded from one whose golden crown is densely fake.
Yet will a disinfectant injection into my brother’s lungs will he take?

-A vampire novel chapter
and neo-Shakespearean soliloquy
written by Christopher
Saturday April 25th
2020 

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Renfield, A Disembodied Head, A Missing Peace Prize and Welles’ Gatsby MacBeth

January 10, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield, A Disembodied Head, A Missing Peace Prize and Welles’ Gatsby MacBeth

It was evening and British MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again on Skype talking to his friend Amadeus Emanon who was in Australia.

Amadeus was part of an international group of volunteers working to rescue koalas, kangaroos and other wildlife from the wildfires that were currently raging in that country.

“Some fire fighters and rescue volunteers captured some photos of an unusual sight today,” Amadeus mentioned.

“Oh, and what was that?” Renfield asked.

“It was photos of the flaming disembodied head of a Jesuit priest going around setting fire to trees,” Amadeus answered.

“That is a very unique and unusual form of arson,” Renfield used his Sherlockian powers of deductive reasoning to reach that conclusion.

“Angelique,” Amadeus referred to his girlfriend, “captured a video of it.”

Amadeus showed Renfield the video.

As flames of fire came forth from the disembodied head, the Jesuit said, “Survival of the fittest. Jump start the next evolutionary leap. Koalas and kangaroos won’t help the Cosmos evolve towards the Omega Point.”

“Makes you wonder if this Omega Point is worth evolving to,” Renfield commented as he took a swig of whisky.

. . .

The news video clip was of Donald Trump at a campaign event in Toledo, Ohio the night before.

Trump told his supporters, “I’m going to tell you about the Nobel Peace Prize, I’ll tell you about that. I made a deal, I saved a country and I just heard that the head of that country is getting the Nobel Peace Prize for saving the country. I said, ‘What, did I have something to do with it?’. Yeah, but you know, that’s the way it is. As long as we know, that’s all that matters… I saved a big war, I’ve saved a couple of them.”
Trump was stating that he deserved the Nobel Peace Prize for ending the war between Ethiopia and Eritrea.

Not Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed, 43, the man who actually ended the war.

The U.S. influence in the peace talks was minimal.

And so Donald Trump was making a whopper of a claim.

Probably the biggest whopper of a claim since then Prime Minister Brian Mulroney of Canada (the biggest most pompous and most arrogant asshole that Canadian politics has ever produced) made the whopper of a claim back in 1990 that he was the man single handedly responsible for the dismantling of the Berlin Wall in Europe and the ending of apartheid in South Africa.

Totally ignoring the efforts of Mikhail Gorbachev, Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II in the former event and the efforts of Nelson Mandela and F.W. De Klerk in the other.

. . .

The ghost of Orson Welles (who along with Winston Churchill’s ghost was one of two spirit advisors to Renfield R. Renfield) sat in a comfortable arm chair in the Set Estate mansion in West London sipping a glass of spectral red wine while Set’s cat Nefertiti Galore was dining on smoked oysters and vodka from her cat dish.

The ghost of Orson Welles was contemplating directing a new film- a roaring 1920s version of MacBeth in which MacBeth would appear as a Great Gatsby style figure and Lady MacBeth would come across as an even more narcissistic (than she was in Fitzgerald’s novel) version of Daisy Buchanan- one with severe psychopathic and homicidal tendencies.

Welles imagined MacBeth’s first meeting with the 3 Witches- not on a Scottish heath but in the grand drawing room of an elegant mansion on a colossal Long Island estate.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday January 10th
2020.

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The Hoover-Orsic Transcripts

December 20, 2019 at 11:35 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Hoover-Orsic Transcripts

“I never thought it would be so much fun burglaring J. Edgar Hoover’s office at the FBI Building in Washington DC,” the ghost of Orson Welles remarked to Dracul Van Helsing.

Using a miniature time tunnel that Dr. Cadbury Rocher was working on at Set Enterprises in London, the pair had temporarily travelled back in time to Washington DC in 1939.

What sent the certainly unusual dynamic duo on their mission was a message that Dracul Van Helsing had received from Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Whitstable was currently in the German capital Berlin investigating an attempt to open up the unmarked grave of Nazi SS officer Reinhard Heydrich.

The Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler and Gavin Brown a voodoo practitioner with ties to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation were the ones responsible for trying to dig up Heydrich’s grave.

The attempt ended after the grave digging gang of six men were attacked by a flock of pigeons.

Whitstable in his investigation had discovered that Franz Kohler believed the transcripts of a secret meeting between J. Edgar Hoover and Maria Orsic of the occultic Vril Society that took place in Washington DC in 1939 had been buried with Heydrich’s remains.

A computerized laser examination of Heydrich’s grave yesterday using technology developed by Dr. Cadbury Rocher had shown there were no documents in Heydrich’s casket.

But now Whitstable was curious as to why Kohler wanted a copy of those transcripts.

Whitstable discovered that the meeting between Maria Orsic and J. Edgar Hoover had taken place on December 18th 1939.

Whitstable relayed that information to Van Helsing.

Seeing as how Dr. Rocher wanted a test for his time tunnel, he offered to send Van Helsing to J. Edgar Hoover’s office 80 years ago today.

And Van Helsing could steal Hoover’s copy of the transcripts.

The ghost of Orson Welles (who along with the ghost of Winston Churchill was serving as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) offered to go along with Van Helsing for the ride.

And so now here they were searching through Hoover’s drawers (his file drawers that is!) trying to find any transcripts of a meeting between Hoover and the Vril Society medium Maria Orsic.

“Gentlemen,” said the Norse goddess Freya as she sat in Hoover’s office smoking a cigarette, “I presume you’re looking for the transcripts of the meeting between Mr. Hoover and Miss Orsic?”.

“We are,” Van Helsing answered.

“Well then follow me,” Freya got up and walked over to another part of the office.

“With pleasure,” Van Helsing replied as he followed her.

“Oh, to be mortal again,” Welles’ ghost sighed.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday December 20th
2019.

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Renfield, The Tobacco Chewing Man and Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman

November 15, 2019 at 11:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Renfield, The Tobacco Chewing Man and Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting by the fireplace in a very comfortable sitting room in a lovely Bed and Breakfast place in the town of Tewkesbury.

He was sitting in an armchair, smoking a pipe, wearing a deerstalker cap and enjoying a glass of brandy.

“And how did your day on the campaign trail go today?” A cigar smoking and brandy drinking ghost of Sir Winston Churchill asked Renfield as he sat in the armchair across from him.

“Elementary, my dear Churchill,” Renfield remarked as he relit his pipe, “I visited a school and handed out milk and cookies to all the kids and took selfies with the teachers, parents and staff.”

“Are you still keeping track of geopolitics and international affairs as you go about seeking re-election?” Orson Welles’ enormously talented ghost took up most of the sofa as he smoked a cigar and drank a glass of red wine while sitting across from the fireplace.

“I am,” Renfield nodded, “I’ve discovered that there’s a U.S. deep state operative called the Tobacco Chewing Man who wants to annex a whole bunch of territory all over the world for the U.S.A. He wants to infiltrate the Alberta and Saskatchewan Western Canada independence movement and get them to join the U.S. He’s formed an alliance with the Lovecraftian Great Old One Cthulhu to annex Hong Kong and turn it into a U.S. territory with Cthulhu becoming the first state governor. They’re behind the most violent of the student rioters in Hong Kong. The Tobacco Chewing Man actually documented all his plans for U.S. annexation and world domination after he spent a year in jail following an unsuccessful beer hall putsch in Portland, Oregon. The book he wrote (while undergoing a severe bout of gout from overindulgence in eating roast beef and sirloin steak in a federal government run prison) he called Mein Kramp.”

. . .

Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman the Sheriff of the mysterious Aquarian Age hippy commune of Calypso’s Bosom on British Columbia’s Sechelt Peninsula (a mystical village that emerged from its marijuana pot smoking mists only once every 7 years) was down in the Arizona desert.

As he inhaled his Uncle Ernie’s Chemical of The Day that was mailed to him daily from Australia, he tried to remember what he was doing down in the Arizona desert.

Vultures flew over him and waited for him to die.

They’d have a long time to wait, Jackman thought to himself as he wiped the sweat off his forehead and helped himself to another bottle of Perrier Water from his golf cart.

His mule Saratoga moved on dragging the golf cart behind her.

It was then that Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman spotted a cactus.

Then it all came back to him now like Celine Dion in the middle of singing a hit song.

He was supposed to find a nice looking cactus plant for Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

That was his mission.

“A mission of vital national security,” as the Canadian Prime Minister put it to him in the Prime Minister’s Office on Parliament Hill in Ottawa.

“This is a nice looking cactus plant,” Jackman thought to himself.

He went over and cut off a slice of the cactus plant and put it in a planting pot on the golf cart (the planting pot had apparently been blessed by both Pope Francis and U2 singer Bono).

“Ouch!” Jackman suddenly exclaimed as the sensation of picking up the cactus slice in his bare hands suddenly reached the pain centers in his brain after the temporary delay caused by Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of the Day.

He really should have worn gloves.

“That was a sacred cactus you cut off a part of,” a Hopi tribal elder approached him, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t,” said Jackman, “but thanks for letting me know.”

A U.S. Post Office Letter carrier who looked a lot like U.S. Postal Employee Norman Newman on the TV show Seinfeld approached the pair.

“Excuse me,” the vastly overweight and vastly sweating letter carrier said to them, “But I hope one of you gentlemen is Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman of Calypso’s Bosom.”

“I am,” Sheriff Jackman answered.

“Thank God,” the Newman lookalike wiped off all the sweat covering his body with his towel, “because I have a registered parcel for you from Uncle Ernie’s Chemical of The Day Club in the Australian Outback. Sign here please.”

Sheriff Jackman signed the form and took the parcel.

The vultures followed the letter carrier as he trudged off across the Arizona desert.

Meanwhile a Government of Canada jet landed nearby to pick up Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman and the slice of cactus plant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 15th
2019.


One of the mirages that the Norman Newman lookalike U.S. Post Office letter carrier saw while trudging across the Arizona desert

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Margarita Carmen Cansino, Orson Welles and Jack Benny

September 21, 2019 at 11:04 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Movies, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Margarita Carmen Cansino, Orson Welles and Jack Benny 

The Norse trickster god Loki sat at the controls of the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.

He had just finished sampling a month’s supply of Chemical of The Day Club (as opposed to Book of The Month Club) samples sent to him by a friend in Australia who went by the cheery sounding name of Uncle Ernie.

With Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day fully in control of his mind, Loki was now creating many a time warp down at CERN.

With Liberace and Olivia Newton John performing a duet of the song Let’s Do The Time Warp Again (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show) in the background, Loki was doing much temporal mischief.

The ghost of Orson Welles (who currently lived as a spectral guest in the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where, along with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill, he served as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) found himself sent back in time to the year 1935.

Tears came to Welles’ spectral eyes when he saw the young Margarita Carmen Cansino (who was later forced by Hollywood studio producers to change her name to Rita Hayworth) standing there.

“I should have been a more loving husband to her,” Welles’ ghost sobbed as he ordered a bottle of Chardonnay from the studio gopher.

“I can’t believe the nerve of that white guy who wanted to audition for the role of Charlie Chan,” Margarita Carmen Cansino shook her head.

“Would that have been Warner Oland?” Welles asked.

“No,” Rita shook her head, “Some non-talented entity from up in Canada who had listed High School Drama Teacher in Vancouver on his resume.”

Welles’ ghost went over to the next studio where the great American comic actor Jack Benny was holding auditions for his next movie.

Some obviously white guy wearing blackface stood on stage at the microphone.

“Hi,” said the man, “My name is Justin Trudeau and I’d like to audition for the role of Rochester.”

“Someone get that bum out of here,” Benny remarked.

Cerberus the 3-headed dog from the Underworld of Hades chased the Rochester wannabe off stage.

Welles began returning to the year 2019 when Loki hit another control at CERN.

As Welles whizzed through the year 1968, he encountered a newspaper boy shouting, “Read all about it. Peter Sellers beats out a Canadian for the role of Hrundi V. Bakshi in the movie The Party.”

Welles went back momentarily to the year 1965 where Mel Brooks the Executive Producer of the TV series Get Smart was remarking, “I don’t even want that Drama teacher auditioning for this role never mind getting it,” as a KAOS villain shouts, “Not Claw, Craw!”.

Welles eventually landed back in 2019 where he arrived in the Set Mansion living room as Amadeus was watching the 2016 remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday September 21st
2019.

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Musical Instruments, Hazardous Vegetables, Amazon Rainforest and The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector

August 23, 2019 at 9:57 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Musical Instruments, Hazardous Vegetables, Amazon Rainforest and The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector

British MP Renfield R. Renfield asked his friend Amadeus Emanon, “Did you hear what happened to the saxophonist who played his musical instrument so badly?”.

“No,” Amadeus shook his head.

“He became a registered sax offender,” Renfield replied.

Amadeus buried his head in his hands.

Meanwhile down at the Set Enterprises aquarium, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a vision of Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro wearing a long Roman toga, a crown of laurel wreath in his hair (much like that worn by the Emperor Nero) and holding in his hands a violin which he was playing badly as the Amazon rainforests burned.

Meanwhile in the waters off the coast of Norway, tragedy struck the Russian spy beluga whale defector who had recently defected to the Norwegians with the help of the ghost of Orson Welles.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday August 23rd
2019.

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Legacy of The Baskervilles

August 7, 2019 at 10:14 pm (Arts, Culture, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, Movies, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Legacy of The Baskervilles

“I always wanted to do a movie based on a Sherlock Holmes story,” said the ghost of Orson Welles as he entered Baskerville Hall.

“And you’re thinking of the Hound of The Baskervilles?” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing asked.

“I am,” Welles lit himself a spectral cigar.

“Of course that story has been done several times in film format,” Van Helsing noted, “you will have to do something that makes yours stand out from the rest.”

“Precisement,” Welles pulled out a bottle of spectral red wine from one overcoat pocket and a glass from the other, “and I’m just the man to do it.”

“I would have to agree,” Van Helsing nodded.

“So I hear Baskerville Hall is now owned by Britain’s Heritage Trust,” Welles poured himself a glass of spectral red wine.

“It is,” Van Helsing acknowledged, “it was purchased recently by Dashwood Forrest the owner of The Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London. He donated it to Heritage Trust to get a big charity donation receipt to help him with a big tax deduction.”

“A most astute decision,” Welles sipped his red wine.

“So, have you given much thought to how you intend to make your adaptation of The Hound of The Baskervilles different?” Van Helsing asked.

“Let us go into the living room of Baskerville Hall,” Welles suggested, “perhaps seeing that large spacious room will give me some ideas.”

Welles and Van Helsing entered the living room.

And there stood….

The Welsh vampiress Morgana.

“As you know,” Morgana spoke, “Britain’s new Prime Minister Boris Johnson recently appointed me Deputy Home Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security. And both of you are trespassing on Heritage Trust property.”

Welles’ ghost made haste out of the living room and out of Baskerville Hall on the off chance that Morgana might sic the ghost of the Hound of the Baskervilles on him.

Only Dracul Van Helsing remained.

The Welsh vampiress took the vampire hunter over her knee and spanked him.

Welles’ ghost walked around the Baskerville Hall grounds and finished his spectral bottle of spectral red wine and smoked his entire spectral box of spectral cigars.

He thought he better go back inside and see what happened to Van Helsing.

There was Van Helsing on the living room floor having tantric sex with Morgana.

Welles turned and hastily closed the door behind him (forgetting that he could walk through doors and walls).

“Well,” Welles took out a piece of spectral chewing gum, “after seeing that scene, that should give me no shortage of ideas on how to make my film adaptation of The Hound of the Baskervilles different from everybody else’s.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 7th
2019.

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Lilith In London

August 4, 2019 at 10:25 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Lilith In London

The Babylonian vampiress Lilith was in London in an old abandoned factory.

She was watching the ghost of Orson Welles direct a short film showing the retirement party of a modern major-general.

As the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate captain of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal stood by, the retiring major-general sang from The Pirates of Penzance, “I am the very model of the modern major-general…”

Although the major-general wore a typical major-general’s handlebar style moustache, he also wore a Versace dress evening gown.

For being the very model of the modern major-general, he/she was naturally transgendered.

When he had finished singing “I am the very model of the modern major-general”, some of his soldiers went and sang an old musical routine from Monty Python’s Flying Circus,

“Who says I’m a puff? I’ve got your number but you couldn’t afford me dear. Ooooooooohhhhhh!”.

Orson Welles looked at his ghostly antique timepiece watch and said, “Okay, that’s a wrap.”

Cast and crew broke for the day.

Among the spectators at the film shoot was Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Just the man that Lilith wanted to see.

“Van Helsing!” She called out from where she sat.

The vampire hunter turned around.

Lilith immediately ran towards him, threw him to the ground and mounted him.

“I’m looking for a tantric sex partner,” she whispered as she ripped his clothes off.

Orson Welles turned around, “Well, Dracul, are you ready to head back to Set’s mansion?”.

He then noticed what Dracul and Lilith were doing.

“I guess not,” Welles’ ghost shook his head.

He headed to a nearby pub and ordered a spectral glass of red wine.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 4th
2019.

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The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

July 26, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector, Dracul Van Helsing and Norse Goddess Freya

A beluga whale who was a spy for the Russians had recently defected to Norway a few months back.

The whale had been helped in his defection by the ghost of Orson Welles.

After the whale had successfully defected, Welles’ ghost eventually returned to England where he served as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had just been named to the British cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering).

The whale meanwhile had spent the past few months being debriefed by Norwegian Navy and Norwegian Intelligence officials.

The beluga had ate a great quantity of fish during this time although the whale said he “didn’t care much for lutefisk” much to the disappointment of Norway’s Minister of Culture.

The beluga told the Norwegians that much was happening under the sea these days.

Poseidon had had his trident stolen by the Syro-Phoenician mermaid goddess Atargatis.

The trident was given to Russian scientists who had developed a new submarine weapon with it.

The beluga (who had taken the name Melville) also said that the Norse deity of the ocean who was the sea jotunn Aegir and was also the major thrower of parties for the Norse gods and goddesses had recently started selling his ale (brewed in a huge cauldron provided by Thor and Tyr) to mortals.

Most mortals were incapable of handling the hangover that the ale gave them, the beluga stated, and when combined with certain other liquors could prove fatal to mortals.

One of the last things he had heard, Melville said (while posing for a photo with someone wearing a Herman Munster mask), was that The Ten Bells Pub in London used Aegir Ale and combined it with 9 liquors to make a shooter called The T-Rex.

If any mortal drank more than one T-Tex shooter, it would kill them.

The Norse goddess Freya, who had her own stenographer present at the beluga whale debriefing, informed Dracul Van Helsing of this.

“Renfield,” Dracul replied, “as in many other matters, is an exception to this rule.”

“Well,” Freya stood up from her dressing table and chair, “come and show me what rules you’re an exception to.”

Dracul did just that.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Friday July 26th
2019.

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Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

June 8, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec and The Statue of A Long-Necked Crane

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was in a room in the Dashwood Forrest Art Gallery in London.

Dressed in an exquisite lilac purple evening gown, Qonzilqointec knelt on a neo-Louis XIV royal Bourbon blue chair alongside a modern statue of a long-necked crane raising its beak towards a lantern of good fortune.

Into the room walked her friend and lover the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

He had just returned from Jerusalem Israel where he had escorted Miranda Singh (the Executive Secretary to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) who was beginning a top secret mission for British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“Your Highness,” Dracul addressed the Aztec vampiress, “you look the epitome of regal royalty.”

Qonzilqointec smiled, “Those weren’t the words Donald Trump spoke when I lay on his neck and threatened to drain every ounce of blood from his body unless he decided to drop the tariffs he was threatening to impose on my homeland of Mexico.”

“I see you were successful in your negotiations,” Dracul noted, “The U.S. has reached an agreement with Mexico and will not be imposing the tariffs Trump had threatened to impose starting this Monday.”

“Having lived 600 years, I have mastered the art of the deal,” She approached Dracul and gave him a non-fatal hickey.

. . .

The ghost of Orson Welles was having a spectral dream.

He dreamed of his wife Rita Hayworth as Semiramis the former Queen of Babylon speaking to a bird who was a parrot-raven hybrid created by a 1930s mad scientist forerunner of an early 21st Century Transhumanist scientist.

Said Rita as Semiramis to the parrot-raven hybrid,

“Oh bird who spoke to Poe in the bleak December
Crossed with a bird who can’t shut up and is able to remember 
The world is confused and troubled 
And about to burst an economic bubble 
Putin warns of a new arms race
Stretching from sea to outer space 
Because on arms control, the U.S. won’t negotiate 
Preferring to leave humanity’s hands up to a very dark fate
“Nevermore” you might cry
As peace dove falls from the sky 
Lenore is lost but so are we all 
The end result of Eden’s fall.

-A vampire novel chapter
and poem
written by Christopher
Saturday June 8th
2019.

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