A Conversation With Athelstan

December 2, 2016 at 6:05 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

A Conversation With Athelstan

“Well, Athelstan,” the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set sampled a glass of cognac with a dash of Type O blood and a twist of lemon, “there haven’t been any terrorist attacks in Europe so far this month.”

“Indeed not, sir,” Athelstan his butler and valet agreed.

“Damned thugs,” Set slurped on his iced Popsicle statue of the Hindu goddess Kali, “the Middle East was a lot more civilized when the people there worshipped my siblings and myself.”

“Very much so, sir,” Athelstan dusted off the replica model of the cedar box in which Set had placed his brother Osiris’ 14 body parts after he had dismembered him.

“Of course I really should have been the ruler of Egypt not my brother,” Set put down his hieroglyphic manuscript tablet copy of the ancient Egyptian bestseller In Praise of Fratricide which he had written many millennia ago.

“One of history’s great misfortunes that it never happened, sir,” Athelstan dusted off Set’s DVD collection of every single episode of Doctor Who.

“I wonder what my brother Osiris is doing in Rome,” Set picked up a copy of his Latin-Egyptian Dictionary.

“Presumably, he’s doing as the Romans do if he’s following the advice of that famous maxim, sir,” Athelstan adjusted the 1st Edition of Bartlett’s Great Quotations on the bookshelf.

“I wonder if Renfield has wiretapped Osiris’ phone line in Rome yet,” Set started brushing his teeth and his vampiric incisors with the new Colgate Ultra-Glistening Whitening Toothpaste.

“I believe he has, sir,” Athelstan checked his text message on his smart phone.

“So why hasn’t he returned to London yet?” Set asked Athelstan.

“I believe he’s still eating spaghetti and trying to make out with some of the beautiful young Italian women,” Athelstan answered.

“That sounds like Renfield all right,” Set used some Listerine mouthwash to gargle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 7th
2016.

Post-Script: This incident between Set and Athelstan happened back on August 7th of this year (the same day I wrote this blog post).

As a result of Renfield tapping Osiris’ phone, Renfield is now in possession of the information to be found in an ancient Gnostic gospel manuscript that Donald Trump is a Merovingian Bloodline descendent of an alleged marriage between Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene.

For further information, please read:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/11/25/osiris-and-the-lost-nag-hammadi-scroll/

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Osiris and The Lost Nag Hammadi Scroll

November 25, 2016 at 6:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Osiris and The Lost Nag Hammadi Scroll

The ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris was in his Rome apartment enjoying a spaghetti omelette along with a bowl of Kellog’s Rice Crispies.

He had had an eventful four years since his return to Earth from the star system of Sirius back in 2012.

His returning space ship had disintegrated (with him aboard) when a Russian nuclear sub had fired a laser death ray at it.

Fortunately for him, the famous Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius had been present in a nearby row boat with a working replica model of the CERN Large Hadron Collider that was able to gather up all the disintegrated atomic and sub-atomic particles.

At Halloween 2014, he Osiris had been resurrected again after his particles were put back together again by Dr. Cadbury Rocher (Normally Dr. Rocher worked for Osiris’ evil brother and brother-in-law Set but the two had had a falling out that month over financial funding for Dr. Rocher’s beloved Pegasus Project).

When Osiris had been re-assembled that Halloween but with a certain part of his anatomy missing (the same part of his anatomy that had gone missing millennia ago when Isis had put him back together after Set had dismembered him), that led to marital problems with his wife and sister Isis.

So Isis continued to live in Paris and he Osiris moved to Rome.

Since that time, Osiris had become interested in the matter of a lost Nag Hammadi scroll.

It had apparently become separated from the other scrolls in the 12 leather bound papyrus codices that were found near the Upper Egyptian town of Nag Hammadi in 1945.

The scroll was believed to be the Gnostic Gospel of The Wedding said to recount the marriage ceremony between Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene that certain Gnostic groups believed had taken place.

Osiris had gotten in touch with a Russian Jesuit priest Father Augustus Adonais who worked in the Vatican Archives.

Father Adonais believed that the Gospel of The Wedding had wound up in the Vatican Archives shortly after Carl Jung’s death in 1961 (The Carl Gustav Jung Institute in Zurich had purchased the Gnostic Gospels of the Nag Hammadi Scrolls in 1951).

The phone rang.

Osiris wiped the spaghetti and scrambled eggs off his chin and walked over to pick up the receiver.

It was Father Augustus Adonai phoning to tell him that he had found the Gospel of The Wedding.

He had found it underneath an envelope marked Pope Pius X’s Vision of What The Future Antichrist and Future False Prophet Will Look Like.

“Anyways, your Most Exalted Ancient Egyptian Majesty,” Father Augustus Adonais spoke, “I found a passage in the Gospel of The Wedding that might interest you.”

Father Adonais read him the passage.

Apparently Simon Peter objected most vigourously to the upcoming marriage between Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

Said Peter in the Gospel, “Be it far from thee, O Lord. Verily, verily, I say unto you that if you go through with this, one of your descendants will be wearing red spider monkey fur on his head for a hairpiece.”

Osiris looked at the TV screen where Donald Trump was giving an interview and hair was falling off of his head during the interview.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 25th
2016.

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