Sherrielock Holmes’ 165th Birthday

January 6, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, love, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Today is the Feast Day of the Epiphany.

And it was on the Feast Day of The Epiphany in 1854 that two remarkable individuals were born.

Twins.

A boy and a girl.

The boy would go on to achieve fame and fortune as the world’s greatest consulting detective- Sherlock Holmes of 221 B Baker Street.

The girl would remain in the shadows.

One because of her chosen profession- that of a dominatrix.

And although her clientele included members of the British Empire’s high and mighty, no one wished to publicly speak of her.

She also worked for the most secret levels of British Intelligence.

She had been recruited into British Intelligence on the recommendation of one Winston Churchill in 1914 when he served in the World War I British cabinet as First Lord of The Admiralty.

By this time of course Sherrielock Holmes had achieved immortality.

Quite literally.

For she had eaten a specially prepared omelette made with Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms that had been developed by her husband the noted scientist Dr. Louis Rocher (who was ironically enough the illegitimate son of her twin brother’s mortal arch Prof. James Moriarty and a single unmarried French woman named Isabelle Rocher) which gave her immortality.

Dr. Rocher decided to wait to prepare a similar omelette and achieve immortality for himself.

A decision he came to regret after his plane was shot down by the Red Baron on April 20th 1918 just the day before the Red Baron was shot down himself by Canadian pilot Roy Brown on April 21st.

His immortal Lingzhi supernatural mushroom omelette recipe went to the ground with him.

Sherrielock Holmes left British Intelligence in 1920 and became a school teacher throughout the 1920s.


Sherrielock Holmes found her dominatrix training came in handy teaching in a girls’ school in the 1920s.


Living life briefly as a blonde, she also found her dominatrix experience came in handy teaching in a boys’ school in the 1920s.

Today of course, Sherrielock turned 165.

Her brother Sherlock had been offered one of Dr. Louis Rocher’s immortal omelettes as well but turned him down describing it as “oriental mumbo-jumbo” and “hocus pocus nonsense”.

Sherlock subsequently died of a massive cardiac arrest on May 28th 1937 upon hearing the news on BBC Radio that Neville Chamberlain had replaced Stanley Baldwin as Prime Minister of Britain.

German Fuhrer Adolf Hitler’s glee was the great British consulting detective’s death agony.

So Sherlock was not present at Sherrielock’s 165th Birthday party being held in the main dining room at the Savoy Hotel in London tonight hosted by her great-grandson Dr. Cadbury Rocher who was the chief scientist at Set Enterprises the research and development firm owned by the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was the man said to embody the best (and the worst) of Holmes and Moriarty blood.

His greatest testtube genetic creation was present- the shapeshifting hamster/human British MP Renfield R. Renfield widely touted to someday become the Prime Minister of Britain and the Sir Winston Churchill of the 21st Century.

Also present was Amadeus Emanon (Set’s personal concert pianist) who had recently started recording his own songs at a major London music and recording studio and those few music critics who had listened to his songs touted him as a future British music sensation to equal the likes of David Bowie and Freddie Mercury.

Not present was Pan Goatee who had run away from Set Enterprises laboratories to join an American electric music rock band back in 2013 and now worked as a contract assassin for America’s DARPA and a satyr serial killer of ugly women.

There were various genetically modified animals that Dr. Rocher had created as well- including Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster who was currently occupying a blow proof lobster tank in the dining room of the Savoy.

That new Rocher prototype lobster tank turned out not to be so blow proof when Sherrielock entered the Savoy dining room wearing her lovely evening dress.

Waiters and bus boys were still mopping up water and London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley (who were a defeated British Conservative MP and defeated British Labour MP respectively) hired to provide security for the birthday party were trying to prevent Gordon Ramsay, who had mistaken Michelangelo for an ordinary crustacean, from placing him in a pot of boiling water.

Intelligence agents from Russia, China and Venezuela were also at the event hoping to discover Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s plans for the redevelopment of the ancient Hebrew general Joshua’s trumpets capable of bringing down any wall (which would virtually ensure that Donald Trump would be pissing $5.6 billion in U.S. taxpayers’ money down the drain).

Renfield was already on his Huawei smart phone communicating with his latest crush newly elected Democratic Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez:

“Now more than ever I think $5.6 billion would be better spent towards implementing a national public health insurance program that most civilized nations in the western world already have” – Renfield

As for another of Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s creations, the genetically recreated winged horse Pegasus was now the pet and favourite animal of Queen Rania of Jordan.

She had received offers from both Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman and Jared Kushner to sell him but she had turned both men down flat.

And as in another place, billionaire George Soros was drowning his sorrows in champagne over the possible imminent collapse of the Brussels led European Union, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill was proposing a toast to Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday.

And the ghost of Orson Welles took an old black and white picture of Sherrielock Holmes with an old Polaroid Model 95 Land camera invented by Edwin Land in 1948:

Sherrielock Holmes on her 165th Birthday- Not looking a day over 25.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 6th
2018
Feast of Epiphany

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Reblog- A Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

April 25, 2018 at 7:33 pm (Biographical, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Politics, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Here’s a vampire novel chapter I wrote 3 years ago-

Dracul Van Helsing

Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

The brilliant scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher (who some called “mad”, others called “insane” and the politically correct called “sanity challenged”) sat in his office overlooking the laboratory of Set Enterprises.

He looked down at the laboratory and noticed Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster sleeping peacefully in his lobster tank.

Which was a good thing.

The lobster tank had mysteriously exploded on 7 different occasions the past few weeks.

And the higher-ups on the Board of Directors of Set Enterprises were starting to take notice.

Especially the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s new personal chartered accountant Ayn Rand Nosferatu.

A strange woman. Not quite human. Not quite vampire.

And different from both in that x-rays showed that she had within her chest an ancient Chinese abacus in the place where her heart should have been.

Her office was quite intimidating.

She had a statue…

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Renfield’s Research On Sherrielock Holmes

December 16, 2015 at 8:34 pm (Literature, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Research On Sherrielock Holmes

Amadeus and Renfield were sitting in their favourite Fish and Chips shop in London.

Renfield was having the Deluxe Grilled Cheese and Tuna Fish Sandwich Special.

Amadeus was having the All You Can Eat Fish n’ Chips Special.

He was now on his 11th plate of fish and chips.

“I’ve noticed that for some reason I’m not able to fit into any of the clothes that people bought me as presents last Christmas,” Amadeus said as he bit into his monster piece of cod.

“I wonder why that is,” Renfield bit into his sandwich.

“I have no idea,” Amadeus ordered his 12th plate of fish and chips.

“Anyways I’ve been doing some research on Sherrielock Holmes,” Renfield sipped his Magic Mushroom and Marshmallow Laced Chocolate Latte.

“Your personal dominatrix?” Amadeus spoke in a loud voice.

“Shhh, quiet, not so loud,” Renfield whispered to Amadeus.

The remark had caught the attention of other restaurant patrons particularly British Prime Minister David Cameron who sat there with a very peculiar look on his face.

“So what did you discover about Miss Holmes?” Amadeus ordered the chocolate pudding dessert.

“That she’s 161 years old for one thing,” Renfield stated.

“Wow, she doesn’t look much over 30 if that,” Amadeus was amazed, “she must have a lot of Oil of Olay around the house.”

“That she’s also Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister,” Renfield went on.

“Sherlock Holmes the famous detective?” Amadeus was astounded.

“The very same,” Renfield put on his deerstalker cap.

“But I always thought he was a fictional character,” Amadeus ordered the Moby Dick Omelette to go with his dessert.

“Dr. Watson just used his physician friend Sir Arthur Conan Doyle as a cover to protect Holmes’ real existence,” Renfield explained.

“But all those stories about him listed his address as 221 B Baker Street,” Amadeus pointed out.

“It’s little slip- ups in details like that which often cause the best laid plans of mice and men to go astray,” Renfield ordered the Robbie Burns Eggnog Special, “that is in fact the means by which Prof. Moriarty discovered where Holmes lived, Moriarty being one of the Strand Magazine’s most ardent subscribers. It was also that fact which led Holmes to discover the secret headquarters of Prof. Moriarty once he obtained a copy of the Strand Magazine’s subscription and mailing list.”

“Wow, so Holmes was actually a real person eh?” Amadeus started writing a letter to Santa Claus on his napkin.

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “and Sherrielock Holmes was his virtually unknown twin sister.”

“How did she become immortal?” Amadeus helped himself to one of the restaurant’s Heavenly Cinnamon Buns, “She doesn’t look like a vampiress. She doesn’t have those prominent vampiric incisor fangs that most vampiresses do that’s usually such a challenge for most dentists to clean.”

“It was through the efforts of her lover and husband Louis Rocher a brilliant scientist,” Renfield explained, “he used a compound he specially extracted from the Linghzi Supernatural Mushroom to make a potion that he gave her to drink and she became immortal.”

“Did he drink the potion as well?” Amadeus sampled some of Renfield’s Magic Mushroom and Marshmallow Chocolate Latte.

“No, for reasons totally unknown, he decided to wait to drink it,” Renfield angrily took back his cup of Latte, “which was a mistake on his part because during the Great War of 1914-18, he was an RAF pilot and he was shot down and killed by the Red Baron just the day before the Red Baron himself was shot down and killed.”

“Oh yes, that was Snoopy who killed the Red Baron, wasn’t it?” Amadeus helped himself to some peanuts.

“Yes, Amadeus,” Renfield sighed in an exasperating manner.

“Wait,” Amadeus started sampling a chocolate eclair, “did you say this Louis’ last name was Rocher?”.

“Yes,” Renfield watched as the plate of chocolate eclairs vanished into oblivion (if oblivion be another name for Amadeus’ stomach).

“Is he any relation to Dr. Cadbury Rocher…?” Amadeus was interrupted.

“Yes, Louis Rocher was Cadbury’s great-grandfather,” Renfield nodded.

“Then that means that Sherrielock Holmes is…” Amadeus was again interrupted.

“Cadbury’s great-grandmother,” Renfield nodded again.

“Wow, Cadbury never mentioned that his great-grandmother was still alive,” Amadeus paused as he realized there was nothing left on the table to eat.

“Just like the Boss never mentions that he has hemorrhoids when he’s at social gatherings,” Renfield pointed out, “there are some things you just don’t talk about in public.”

“So is that all you discovered about Sherrielock Holmes?” Amadeus ordered a slice of banana cream pie.

“No,” Renfield grinned like the Giant Rat of Sumatra after he had eaten a monster block of cheese, “I discovered something that I suspect not even Sherrielock Holmes herself knows.”

“What’s that?” Amadeus dove into the banana cream pie with as much flourish as Tarzan would dive into a jungle stream where Jane was swimming in her birthday suit.

“I found out who Louis Rocher’s father is,” Renfield beamed from ear to ear.

“Presumably some man called Rocher,” Amadeus got a banana caught in his hair and started to worry that people might mistake him for Donald Trump as he struggled to get it out.

“Louis’ mother Isabelle Rocher was a single mother,” Renfield explained, “but I discovered Louis Rocher’s birth certificate in the Bibliotecheque Nationale de France right next to the Merovingian Bloodline Chart which shows that today’s direct descendant of Mary Magdalene and the Merovingian Kings of France is none other than Rowan Atkinson aka Mr. Bean aka Johnny English.”

“Jesus Christ,” Amadeus got cream pie all over his face.

“Actually it turns out that it was Jesus’ cousin Simeon of Nazareth who married Mary Magdalene and immigrated to France,” Renfield was happy to outLangdon Robert Langdon, “but that information wouldn’t sell massive quantities of books as Simeon of Nazareth isn’t as well known as his cousin Jesus of Nazareth.”

“No, I guess not,” Amadeus wiped the cream pie off his face.

“Probably due to the fact that as Simeon of Nazareth lay dying after he was slain by an angry Gaul for helping himself to the last piece of cheese on a plate at a French village banquet, his prophecy that he would rise again on the Third Day after being buried near what is today Rennes-le-Chateau didn’t pan out. Prophesying that you’d rise again from the dead and doing it brings you everlasting fame. Prophesying that you’d rise again from the dead and not doing it ensures history’s loss of memory of you,” Renfield reflected.

“I suppose so,” Amadeus eagerly grabbed his plate of Baked Alaska from the waitress as he was trying to recall where he heard the name Sarah Palin before.

“So would you like to know what was the name of Louis Rocher’s father on his 1874 birth certificate?” Renfield pulled a plum out of his mincemeat pie and thought what a good boy he was.

“Yes, the suspense is killing me as are these suspenders,” Amadeus stated, “God, why do my pants feel so tight?”.

“Yes, the name of Louis Rocher’s father was none other than…” Renfield grinned, “drum roll please.”

Amadeus handed him an egg roll from his coat pocket.

Renfield put the egg roll aside and wiped his hands with a napkin, “The name of Louis Rocher’s father was none other than… Prof. James Moriarty.”

“Sherlock Holmes’ arch enemy?!” Amadeus spit a huge piece of Baked Alaska out of his mouth that went flying across the room and hit David Cameron in the face.

“The very same,” Renfield grinned.

A London bobby rushed to Mr. Cameron’s aid and shouted, “Prime Minister down! Prime Minister down!”.

Outside the restaurant, zookeepers from the London Zoo could be seen chasing an escaped barking otter down the street.

“So Sherrielock Holmes was married to Prof. Moriarty’s son?” Amadeus was astounded.

“Unknowingly of course,” Renfield smiled.

“So that means Dr. Cadbury Rocher has Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister for a great-grandmother and Sherlock Holmes’ arch enemy for a great great grandfather?” Amadeus reflected on what this meant for the world as chaos reigned at David Cameron’s table and on the otter filled streets of London outside.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the period
Thursday December 9th
to
Tuesday December 15th
2015.

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Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

November 27, 2015 at 9:34 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Day In The Life of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

The brilliant scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher (who some called “mad”, others called “insane” and the politically correct called “sanity challenged”) sat in his office overlooking the laboratory of Set Enterprises.

He looked down at the laboratory and noticed Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster sleeping peacefully in his lobster tank.

Which was a good thing.

The lobster tank had mysteriously exploded on 7 different occasions the past few weeks.

And the higher-ups on the Board of Directors of Set Enterprises were starting to take notice.

Especially the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s new personal chartered accountant Ayn Rand Nosferatu.

A strange woman. Not quite human. Not quite vampire.

And different from both in that x-rays showed that she had within her chest an ancient Chinese abacus in the place where her heart should have been.

Her office was quite intimidating.

She had a statue of the Titan Atlas shrugging and casting the world down at the feet of a raven that had on its head a marble bust of Adam Smith.

The face of Atlas bore a striking resemblance to Donald Trump and the inscription below the statue read, “Do not give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, your wretched refuse or your homeless.”

On the wall was an oil painting of a sour looking Ebenezer Scrooge.

The painting was titled Portrait of Ebenezer Scrooge Prior To His Visit By The Communist Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future.

Ayn Rand Nosferatu told Dr. Rocher in no uncertain terms that the company would not be buying any more lobster tanks.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher then turned to thoughts of his great grandmother.

It was embarrassing.

His great grandmother was 161 years old, still alive and didn’t look a day over 30.

And to top it off, Renfield R. Renfield had recently hired his (Rocher’s) great grandmother as his personal dominatrix.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher stood up as memories of his own childhood came back to mind.

He subconsciously rubbed his buttocks.

His great grandmother was certainly a woman who knew how to spank.

His great grandmother Sherrielock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes’ twin sister) who kept her maiden name had managed to achieve immortality by eating a Linghzi Supernatural Mushroom that had been specially treated by his great grandfather Dr. Louis Rocher (who was also a great scientific genius) to offset the possible harmful side effect of turning to stone once the mushroom was eaten.

Dr. Louis Rocher had decided not to eat the Supernatural Mushroom right away himself.

He would wait to eat it.

That was a mistake on his part.

As a fighter pilot for the RAF, Louis Rocher ended up dying after being shot down by the Red Baron Manfred Von Richtofen on April 20th 1918 (just a day prior to the Red Baron’s own demise on April 21st 1918).

So the end result was that his great grandmother was immortal without the love of her love Louis by her side.

As Cadbury Rocher looked down at the laboratory, he began to wonder if there was any correlation between Michelangelo’s lobster tanks exploding and nude drawings, sketches and paintings of his great grandmother Sherrielock Holmes being found in the laboratory.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 27th
2015.

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