Cthulhu’s Cardinal and A Welsh Werewolf On Saint David’s Day

March 1, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, Gothic romance, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, Science-Fiction, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The February 1928 issue of Weird Tales in which H.P. Lovecraft’s character of Cthulhu is first introduced to the world in the short story “The Call of Cthulhu”.

Since Samhain Cardinal Salaman’s official episcopal title (bestowed on him by Pope Francis) was the Archbishop of the Welsh Diocese of Llanthony Abbey and the Black Mountains (a diocese officially created for the kabbalistic magic practicing former professional stage magician by Pope Francis), the Kabbalistic Cardinal said a Mass in commemoration of Saint David since Saint David is the Patron Saint of Wales and today March 1st was Saint David’s Day.

After saying Mass and having a breakfast of Welsh rarebit that frightened off the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre’s painted egg laying rabbit Vincent Van Yolk because he thought the cardinal said “Welsh rabbit”, Cardinal Salaman had coffee with the Zeus and Apollo worshipping Cardinal JM (As the Cardinal was known by his initials being the head of the Vatican’s Secret Intelligence Service).

Salaman informed JM that the gypsy vampiress and resident Vatican tarot card reader Stephania Borgia had prophecied that he, Samhain Cardinal Salaman, would become the next Pope if he could convince Francis to elevate a Welsh werewolf to the Cardinalate.

This would of course entail Salaman to visit his diocese in Wales in hopes of finding himself a Welsh werewolf.

The problem was since Francis had already artificially created a new diocese in Wales to make Cardinal Salaman an Archbishop, where would this new Welsh werewolf (if he could find one) Cardinal have his diocese?

Cardinal JM laughed and said, “No problem. Pope Francis has already named a committee to see if it’s possible to canonize H.P. Lovecraft’s character of Cthulhu a Cathoic Saint since the Holy Father feels that naming the hundreds of meters tall octopus, dragon and giant human hybrid Great Old One malevolent deity who came down from the dark stars a Catholic Saint would constitute a huge breakthrough in ecumenism and inter-faith dialogue.”


Cthulhu: Will he be proclaimed a Catholic Saint by Pope Francis?

“Well, it probably would constitute that,” Cardinal Salaman had to admit, “but how will that help me out?”.

“Well, His Holiness is thinking of declaring the lost South Pacific City of R’lyeh (close to that ocean’s Nemo point) where Cthulhu and his other vast loathsome shaped entity Great Old Ones reside hidden in green slimy vaults in the nighmare corpse city beneath the sea a Catholic Archdiocese which will of course require an Archbishop.”

“My problem is solved,” Salaman smiled as he threw the tarot card of Death down on the table.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron was being briefed by the Australian-French head of the French Intelligence Service Inspector Jocko Clouseau that the right-wing populist government of Italy was plotting his overthrow.

“How do they plan to do this?” Macron asked as he ate his French toast that had been prepared in the shape of a cougar.

“They’ve formed an alliance with a Kraken who calls himself Napoleon VI who is intent on restoring the Bonapartist Empire to France with himself as Emperor,” Clouseau read aloud from his ketchup and gravy covered notes, “This Kraken used to be the Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus who, after he was diagnosed with an incurable fatal disease, uploaded his consciousness into the body of a cyborg Octopus- part living octopus and part robot. The self-proclaimed Napoleon VI later met and married the immortal Medusa who was the Gorgon of Greek mythological fame. Medusa is now a good looking and sexy woman again thanks to a radical haircut that removed her snakes that was administered by the famous British scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s robot barber Edward Scissorhands the 2nd.”

“Did you say that this Medusa was a sexy and good looking woman again?” Macron was down to his third last piece of cougar toast.

“That is correct,” Clouseau pulled a cheeseburger out of his coat pocket and started eating it.

“Being immortal, she’s probably a lot older than I am,” Macron reflected as he was down to his second last piece of cougar toast.

“Undoubtedly,” Clouseau added a pinch of garlic to his cheeseburger.

“I’d like to meet her,” Macron wiped his mouth with a napkin after finishing his last piece of cougar.

. . .


Medusa was once again a sexy looking woman.

. . .


Celebrating Saint David’s Night at her home in Wales was the Welsh vampiress MP Morgana.

The Welsh vampiress Morgana was about to celebrate Saint David’s Night in Wales with the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

Minutes later at a Bed and Breakfast down the street, her former political opponent in the last British general election the former Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was awakened by the resulting tantric sex earthquake.

The former MP now turned Private Eye (who was also a werewolf) longed for a silver bullet so he could get some sleep.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 1st
2019.

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Amadeus’ Song: A Distant Mirror Reflects

January 9, 2019 at 11:19 pm (Arts, Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic, International Intrigue, Music, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, Science-Fiction, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Singer Amadeus Emanon was in the recording studio of Aulos Music and Recording Ltd. on London’s Abbey Road.

His producer Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell gave him the thumbs up.

Amadeus started to sing,

In Beverly Hills, you never grow old
your body uses science to take on a new glow
Life eternal is now in a pill

On those nights when the moon rises high
and stardust mixes with water and wine
what was blood to the Son of Man falls on dry barren ground

This is the new Hollywood
replacing that holy wood of long ago
Golgotha’s hill gives way to the hills of Beverly

And now a new god beckons me from behind that silver screen
offering me love, sex and immortality
it’s all so thrilling and so new
All I have to do is give my soul away
And watch the light from blood red moon
signal the start of a brand new day
Amazon and Google like John the Baptist lead the way
5G flows into my brain like San Francisco’s golden rain
Circuitry and arteries have now fused and merged into one

The flashes of light and the deity in sight
They burst all around like galaxies abound
The celestial mass divides again and again
DNA has never been this way
Our being is changed in the twinkling of an eye
And we can do it all without that Carpenter guy

And so I’ve taken the Mark
My life is one with android electrical spark
I’ve changed this flesh for a mechanical heart
one that will forever beat even without love
I know I will live forever and never ever die
That fruit of tree in Garden is so yesterday
far too earthy and natural
nothing like today
when science and high tech have shown us the way

The lights of Metropolis of yesterday
have given way to Metropolis’ lights today
What was there on the screen of ’20s German Expressionist film
has come to pass with Transhumanist technocracy know-how
Lovecraft saw the Great Old Ones coming back
but not the shiny new gadgets they carried in their sack
They have offered us all the kingdoms of this world
gold, precious jewels and all diverse manners of pearl
and have offered us immortality to boot
We have now become the gods
And the food of the gods?
Our own souls
that we eat daily.
Amen and amen.

Heathcliff Dioynsus Campbell nodded that was a rap.

Amadeus took off his headphones and in his mind’s eye, saw a distant mirror.

To the Hollywood of the early 1940s when Carson Cody Albion Private Eye was offered immortality with a divinely human touch from the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis:

The flesh was weak back then.

But, Amadeus reflected, thanks to advances in science and technology, the spirit itself has become weak.

And all of us are now ready to betray the Son of Man without so much as a kiss.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 9th
2018.

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