The Headless Horseman In Pumpkin Country

October 9, 2020 at 10:39 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow had been without a head ever since his pumpkin head had been ripped off during the course of a discount sale on pumpkin spice lattes in Ravenna a few weeks ago.

He sat in a cafe in Rome, Italy alongside his black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn.

Bucephalus was entertaining the customers by singing a song from an old 1950s television show,

“Mr. Ed the talking horse
of course, of course, of course…”

Bucephalus then stopped to add bushels of sugar to his giant cup of tea.

On the radio, a news story was unfolding:

Joseph Cardinal Zen of Hong Kong has called Vatican Secretary of State Pietro Parolin a liar over the Vatican-China Agreement that the Vatican hopes to renew with Communist China by next month.
Said Cardinal Zen, “Parolin knows that he is lying. He knows that I know he is a liar, he knows that I will tell everyone he is a liar…”

The newscaster then said, “We tried to find a politician anywhere in the world who would back up Cardinal Zen’s claim that Cardinal Parolin is a liar.
The only one we could find is British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”

Voice of Renfield: Cardinal Zen is absolutely right. Cardinal Parolin is a liar.

The Headless Horseman then remarked to Bucephalus Reborn, “Pope Francis is not very happy with that Englishman Renfield.”

The horse responded while sipping his tea, “Of course, of course, of course.”

Sophia the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom then entered the cafe and noticed the Headless Horseman was looking very forlorn without his head attached to his shoulders.

She asked him what was up.

The Headless Horseman then explained the situation.

“Too bad your pumpkin head was ripped off,” Sophia stated sympathetically as she ordered a slice of pumpkin pie from the waiter, “I suppose you’re looking for a new pumpkin to replace it.”

“I am,” the Headless Horseman nodded without a head which was quite an accomplishment in itself.

“I hear the Great Pumpkin of Charlie Brown Peanuts fame is visiting your hometown of Sleepy Hollow tonight,” Sophia licked the whipped cream off her slice of pumpkin pie.

“Too bad I’m thousands of miles from Sleepy Hollow,” the Headless Horseman sighed.

“Of course, of course, of course,” Buchephalus nodded.

Sophia then phoned her son Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun.

Yaldabaoth had recently become united with his pet pterodactyl who had been lost since 1940 when the latter had heard that Benito Mussolini was looking for him.

She asked Yaldabaoth to fly the pterodactyl from Ireland to Rome so that the Headless Horseman could borrow it to fly to Sleepy Hollow.

Yaldabaoth and his pterodactyl managed to land in Rome in a manner of minutes.

The pterodactyl having been spurred on by an ingestion of Uncle Ernie’s Chemical of the Day mailed to him from Australia.

The Headless Horseman and Bucephalus Reborn then boarded the pterodactyl and headed off to Sleepy Hollow in upstate New York.

They were soon in sight of Pumpkin Country around Sleepy Hollow.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 9th
2020.

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Sophia Watches Yaldabaoth’s Attempted Coup Against Mussolini

September 20, 2020 at 10:51 pm (Comedy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )


Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom heading towards Il Duce’s residence in Rome where her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was trying to stage a coup d’etat against Mussolini

The year was 1940.

The month was September.

And Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was in Winston Churchill’s underground bunker in London.

Churchill tried to be an amiable host but he was becoming quite alarmed at the amount of his good brandy that the Irish leprechaun was drinking.

“So Michael Collins told you to look me up whenver you were in London?” Churchill offered Yaldabaoth a cigar in hopes that would momentarily stop his fast moving consumption of brandy for a while as the wee leprechaun smoked it.

Michael Collins had been the first Prime Minister of the Irish Free State and he had been assassinated by anti Anglo-Irish Treaty forces on August 22nd 1922.

During the summer of 1921, Michael Collins had gone to London to negotiate a peace treaty ending the Anglo-Irish War.

His British counterpart in the negotiations had been Winston Churchill.

Collins said to Churchill, “I’ve got a complaint. Your British Army once put a price on my head. £1000 for my capture- dead or alive.”

Churchill feigned mock outrage, “You’ve got a complaint? You’ve got a complaint? Let me show you something to complain about.”

Churchill went and got the old Boer War Wanted poster offering anyone £25 for the capture of Winston Churchill Dead Or Alive.

He showed it to Collins.

Said Churchill, “Now there’s something to complain about. I was only worth £25 while you were worth a 1000.”

Collins had to laugh.

After that exchange, the two men became close friends and negotiated a peace treaty.

The treaty was signed on December 6th 1921.

When Yaldabaoth had finished his cigar after Churchill had recounted his meeting with Michael Collins, the leprechaun reached to pour himself another glass of brandy.

Churchill looked glum and said, “I’m ticked.”

Yaldbaoth quickly withdrew his hand from the bottle.

“Why is that?” The leprechaun asked.

“British Intelligence informs me that Mussolini intends to invade Greece in the very near future,” Churchill poured himself another brandy, “There seems to be no end to that bloodthirsty guttersnipe Hitler and his Italian jackal Mussolini spreading their filth all over the soil of Europe.”

Yaldabaoth apologized for his leprechaunish intrusion and left.

He summoned his pet pterodactyl (the leprechaun had no idea where this pterodactyl came from and didn’t bother to ask) and flew to Rome.

He would overthrow Mussolini in a coup d’etat thnking that this would make Churchill happy.

Yaldabaoth retreated to an Italian taverna where he ordered and drank 999 bottles of Italian red wine.

Feeling sufficiently buoyant as a result of all that wine imbibing, Yaldabaoth then went to Il Duce’s palatial residence, crawled up to the top balcony and then gave a speech in which he asked the populace of Italy to rise up and overthrow Mussolini.

Needless to say, the little leprechaun’s speech created a lot of commotion in the Italian capital.

Word of the booze happy little leprechaun’s coup attempt reached the ears of his mother Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom who was currently living in Rome.


Sophia marched herself down to Il Duce’s residence while being followed by a crowd of happy onlookers.

Sophia wanted to get up to the upper balcony of Il Duce’s residence.

A huge group of male volunteers grabbed a ladder and held it as she crawled up to the upper balcony.

The male ladder holders gazed up totally spellbound as Sophia went up the ladder.

Papal excommunications for publicly masturbating on the spot were widespread that day.

Sophia wagged her finger admonishingly at Yaldabaoth, “Yaldabaoth, put an end to this nonsense. You just don’t have the resources to overthrow Il Duce Benito Mussolini.”

“But,” Yaldabaoth protested, “I drank 999 bottles of red wine in the Contento Bacchus Taverna to say nothing of the multitudinous glasses of brandy I had at Churchill’s London bunker which caused the British Prime Minister to declare another wartime emergency upon my leaving. That should be more than enough resources to topple Mussolini.”

“Yaldabaoth,” Sophia warned, “I know you’re almost 2000 years old but that doesn’t mean you’re still too old to spank.”

Yaldaboth continued with his speech.

Whereupon Sophia took Yaldabaoth over her knee and spanked him.

As Sophia went down the ladder carrying the errant leprechaun and his glowing rosy red bottom, a group of male ladder holders at the bottom of the ladder started shouting, “Now spank me”, “Me too” and “Me as well, please”.

At the Potsdam Conference in 1945, a constipated and dour looking Soviet dictator Josef Stalin demanded that the wee Irish leprechaun’s coup attempt against Mussolini be erased from the history books.

And so it was.

Until 80 years to the day later, it is now being told for the first time.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 20th
2020.

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Dracul Van Helsing, The Goddess Sophia, Yaldabaoth and The Irish Backstop

September 6, 2019 at 10:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Philosophy, Politics, Religion, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing, The Goddess Sophia, Yaldabaoth and The Irish Backstop

Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom was worried.

What would happen to her son Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun if a hard border was once again built on the Republic of Ireland-UK Northern Ireland border?

Her son Yaldabaoth was a leprechaun with a serious drinking problem.

He was the only being in all recorded history to be officially banned by court injunction from attending AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings as any meeting he attended invariably ended up with all those present at the meetings falling off the wagon.

Yaldabaoth had the irritating habit of always falling asleep right on the line of the Republic of Ireland/UK Northern Ireland border.

This was fine as long as the border was an open (rather than a closed) border as it had been ever since the Good Friday Agreement was signed back in 1998.

But Good Friday 1998 might come to an end at Halloween 2019 if there was a no-deal Brexit.

Of course the House of Commons and the House of Lords had just passed a bill brought forth by the anti-Semitic Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn to stop a no-deal Brexit from happening this coming Halloween (ironically in this regard Corbyn was fulfilling the agenda of the pro-globalist, pro-EU and New World Order One World Government oriented Rothschilds).

However the trouble was British MP Renfield R. Renfield was backing Boris Johnson in his quest to have Brexit by Halloween 2019.

And Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom being wise knew that one should never underestimate Renfield R. Renfield even though the pro-EU segments of the British Parliament and much of the British and American news media were doing just that.

Boris Johnson may have run out of tricks up his sleeve but Renfield hadn’t.

Already Sophia could visualize a Brexit firecracker exploding in Jeremy Corbyn’s rear end as the clock hit 11:59 PM on October 31st 2019 and Renfield shouted “Trick or Treat” from the window of his room in a Soho whore house.

And if a no-deal Brexit occurred and there was once again a hard Irish border, her son Yaldabaoth could end up buried underneath a concrete wall.

Unlike the American authorities and the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa, she’d know where the body is buried.

But this would be of small comfort to her.

After all, she had told people through the centuries that her son Yaldabaoth was the Demi-Urge who created the material physical universe.

And if it came out that her son was actually an Irish leprechaun with a serious drinking problem who now lay buried under concrete on the Irish border, well, she’d positively die of embarrassment.

Of course Sophia knew that the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was a friend of Renfield R. Renfield.

She figured that if she whipped him up her famous Greco-Egyptian-Irish-Italian-Norse-Greenlander omelette for breakfast and gave him a great tantric sex piece of tail as a midnight offering, he might put in a good word for her with Renfield.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 6th
2019.

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