Brazil’s Jair Bolsonaro Solves The Mystery of The Amazon Rainforest Fires

November 30, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Brazil’s Jair Bolsonaro Solves The Mystery of the Amazon Rainforest Fires

Brazil’s President Jair Bolsonaro managed to get a copy of the incomplete report that London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley had given to Lev Tomi the Secretary-General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change on who was responsible for setting the Amazon Rainforest fires back in the summer.

Christie and Petley were frightened by the creatures, gods and goddesses and other supernatural beings they encountered in the Amazon Rainforest so they eventually gave up on their investigation.

But that still didn’t stop them from charging a huge exorbitant fee to Tomi for their incomplete services.

Bolsonaro had called a press conference to reveal who was responsible for setting the fires without bothering to read the incomplete report.

Now that he had read it, Bolsonaro realized that he was up Shit Creek without a paddle.

He helped himself to another jar of those delicious Uncle Ernie’s Australian Fruit Gummy Bears that his good friend Donald Trump had sent him and downed several handfuls.

As he reflected, he suddenly recalled a name that his wife Michelle had called out in her sleep last night, “Leonardo.”

Furious, Bolsonaro walked out into the hall, faced the press and accused Hollywood actor Leonardo DiCaprio of “giving money to set the Amazon on fire”.

Foamed Bolsonaro, “This Leonardo DiCaprio is a cool guy, right? Giving money to torch the Amazon.”

. . .

The Norse trickster god Loki watched the Jair Bolsonaro press conference on television.

The idiotic pronouncement gave Loki an idea.

It would certainly make for a wonderful joke if the phantasm that was the spectral ghost ship of the R.M.S. Titanic suddenly made an appearance on the Amazon River.

To do that, he went to see Hades the Greek god of the Underworld to see if the plutocrat would grant a temporary dispensation to the phantasmal shade that was the spectral ghost form of the R.M.S. Titanic to sail down the Amazon River.

Hades granted Loki the request and soon reports of the spectre of the ghostly form of the R.M.S. Titanic going down the Amazon River were being reported and shared on social media.

As Loki walked back chuckling from Hades’ throne room, he walked past a room in Hades’ palace where the ghost of Leonardo da Vinci the famous Renaissance artist, scientist and inventor was boasting to the ghost of one of the Medicis that he had recently paid a nocturnal spectral visit to Michelle Bolsonaro the wife of the current Brazilian President.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 30th
2019.

Permalink 4 Comments

Ghosts of Lenin, Caesar Augustus and Big Julius On A November Evening

November 7, 2019 at 11:07 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Ghosts of Lenin, Caesar Augustus and Big Julius On A November Evening

Today marked the 102nd anniversary of the Russian Bolshevik Revolution.

And Hades (the Greek god of the Underworld) accompanied by his 3-headed dog Cerberus was being driven in a fire proof chariot through the flames of Tartarus.

They pulled up alongside the barbecue spit that Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin was roasting away on.

As Lenin was busy screaming, Hades waved him a cheerful hello.

“I have great news, Vladimir,” Hades smiled a Pepsodent toothpaste smile, “a group of Hollywood celebrities have asked that I grant you a temporary 24 hour dispensation from Tartarus so that you can attend a Hollywood dinner in your honour to celebrate the 102nd anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution.”

“That’s great,” Lenin acknowledged between his screams.

As Lenin’s ghost was being temporarily freed from Tartarus, the ghosts of Julius Caesar and Caesar Augustus were already sitting in the Oval Office of the White House.

“Gentlemen,” Trump helped himself to some Russian caviar, “you’re probably wondering why I asked you to be here with me today. Well as you know those nasty Democrats in Congress are trying to impeach me accusing me of “high crimes and misdemeanours” which is a total lie.
I’ve never taken drugs and been high in my entire life.”

“What do you want with us?” The ghost of Caesar Augustus waved aside a plate of mushrooms that Trump offered him recalling a plate of mushrooms that his wife Livia Drusilla once offered him in his mortal life which was the last dish he ever ate.

“I’m glad you asked,” Trump helped himself to a smoked oyster, “I’m thinking of declaring an end to the Republic and proclaiming myself Emperor of America. So I need your advice. Julius, you thought of making yourself Emperor and ended up being assassinated by a group of Senators on the Capitol steps on the Ides of March. So I try to avoid the Capitol steps these days. Augustus, you actually did make yourself Emperor. So, of course, I’m quite anxious to talk to you.”

“Why do you want to make yourself Emperor?” Julius asked.

“Well just on the off chance that I’m impeached and the very off chance I’m found guilty by 2/3 of the Senate at my Senate trial, I can’t be removed from office obviously being the great divine personage that I am. So I’ll have to proclaim myself Emperor so the American people can continue to enjoy my great and unparalleled wisdom for years to come.”

Julius and Augustus both blinked at the last statement.


“Just look at the poor quality of people proclaiming themselves Emperor these days.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday November 7th
2019.

Permalink 4 Comments

Hades Emergency Meeting

July 29, 2019 at 10:52 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Hades Emergency Meeting

“Ugly looking female teen stoat/ human hybrids grow up to be ugly looking adult female stoat/human hybrids,” Pan Goatee remarked as he beheaded the ugly looking female stoat/human hybrid as she was riding a bicycle down the street.

Meanwhile down in the Underworld, the Greek god Hades (who was known as Pluto to the ancient Romans) was holding an emergency meeting with his advisors on the huge number of repulsive looking spirits that were showing up daily from Calgary to cross the River Styx over to the Underworld.

Said a phlegmatic Phlegyas (who was extra phlegmatic this morning because he had eaten a full English breakfast as opposed to his usual continental breakfast), “We’re having to have orangutans wearing special darkened glass visors (whereby they see the shades of the dead as mere shades) hand out paper bags at the ferry docks for Charon’s boat to any Caucasian female soul arriving from Calgary on the high probability that they’re quite repulsively ugly. They are instructed to put the paper bags over their heads for the crossing across the river Styx. This is to prevent the occurrence of unstoppable vomiting on the part of both Charon the ferryman and Cerberus the 3-headed dog (all of whose 3 heads immediately start vomiting simultaneously) upon seeing the said hideous spirits.”

“Hopefully this will put an end to the problem,” said Hades.

“Until Pan Goatee manages to find the sinister Nazi criminal network responsible for breeding a certain type of brainless male with female walruses, stoats and gargoyles that’s producing these hideous looking hybrids by the thousands in that poor city,” Phlegyas coughed up more phlegm.

Meanwhile on the Caribbean Island of Little Saint James (owned by Jeffrey Epstein), the Caribbean Sea kraken Uhluhtc (666 meters tall) was strolling across the island accompanied by a Haitian voodoo high priest Samedi.

Uhluhtc stood on one spot and grunted.

Samedi waved to one of the island employees who no doubt lived on the nearby island of Saint Thomas.

Samedi spoke to the island employee, “The Great Kraken says that while he lived in the depths of the Caribbean, he had a vision of a great Temple that stood on this spot. The Temple was guarded by two small statues of owl wearing goddesses. He wonders what happened to this Temple.”

“It was torn down a while ago,” the employee answered.

Uhluhtc once again grunted.

“What did he say?” The employee inquired.

“He said merde,” Samedi answered.

Meanwhile in New York City, Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol was sitting in his hotel room where he was receiving information about much bizarre occurrences occurring across the world the past few days.

The Celtic stag god Cernunnos had been spotted on a Florida golf course this past weekend drinking a bottle of Dalmore Port Wood Reserve single malt whisky and slaying a bunch of country club Republicans on the golf course with his bow and arrow.

Meanwhile in Vienna, the infernal Underworld centaur Acheronus had been seen killing diplomats with his bow and arrow at various hotels across the city.

In Canada, reports of the ghost of Albert Johnson (the man they called The Mad Trapper of Rat River) had been seen at various locales in Canada.

Johnson (who had killed 3 people) had eluded the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for more than a month in a massive manhunt that stretched across the Northwest Territories and the Yukon Territory in northern Canada.

Johnson was killed on the Eagle River in Yukon on February 17th 1932.

Johnson’s ghost had been spotted in northern British Columbia, northern Saskatchewan and northern Manitoba.

After talking with a psychic friend of his, Whitstable was told that Johnson’s ghost was headed for the town of Lucan Biddulph in southwestern Ontario.

Whitstable was also told by the psychic that the Egyptian god Thoth was currently in the town.

“What the Hell,” Whitstable wondered, “is Thoth doing in Lucan, Ontario?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 29th
2019.

Permalink 4 Comments