Sophia, Yaldabaoth, A London Werewolf and The Wolfman

January 18, 2019 at 11:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


A black and white photograph taken of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess Sophia by Orson Welles in 1938

Sophia was worshipped as a goddess by early Gnostic groups emerging in the 1st and 2nd Centuries AD and their successors throughout the centuries.

Sophia was a daughter of Athena- she being born from Athena’s head just like Athena was born from Zeus’ head.

However on one occasion while visiting India, Sophia ran into the Hindu moon god Soma.

The lunar deity Soma gave Sophia some of his psychedelic elixir of immortality also called Soma to drink.

Sophia took quite an out of this world trip as a result.

She claimed to be an emanation – the last in a line of a series of emanations from a divine impersonal force she called the Ein Sof (meaning the Infinite or “Endless One”).

She went to Alexandria in Egypt in the 1st Century AD where she gave this revelation to many of the Neo-Platonist schools in the city.

Gnosticism developed as a result.

While in Egypt, she encountered the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep (he who had served as Chancellor to the Egyptian Pharaoh Djoser and was high priest of the Egyptian sun god Ra at Heliopolis).

Imhotep was trying to determine whether it was scientifically possible for a woman to have a virgin birth.

Sophia volunteered to be Imhotep’s guinea pig as it were.

She gave birth to a strange little being called Yaldabaoth.

The little fellow (and indeed he remained little all of his immortal life) travelled to Ireland where he became the world’s first leprechaun.

To this day Yaldabaoth enjoys drinking and spinning yarns and hiding pots of gold at the end of rainbows in his adopted country of Ireland.

However Sophia did not mention that to the Neo-Platonists of Alexandria.

Instead she said that her son Yaldabaoth was a Demiurge who foolishly created the material physical world (Sophia had imbibed some of the teachings of some Buddhist schools in Alexandria that the material physical cosmos was inherently and intrinsically evil) and that this Demiurge Yaldabaoth was the same as the god YHWH (Yahweh) worshipped by the Hebrew peoples.

This teaching was adapted and taught by a man named Marcion in the 2nd Century AD.

However Sophia who had now been a virgin for what she considered forever longed to have sex at last.

Imhotep had recently brought the Greek goat god Pan back from the dead.

Pan had died after drinking too much wine at a wedding celebration in Cana of Galilee (after he had laughed at one of the lunatic servants who told him that an hour earlier the wine had just been plain water).

As soon as Sophia saw the Imhotep resurrected Pan, she fell in love and they slept together.

Pan after having one Hell of an orgasm (and with a virgin at that) decided to celebrate by digging around Cana of Galilee again to see if there were any jugs of that delicious wine left.

Turns out there was, Pan drank it and promptly died again (this was wine to die for as far as Greek goat gods were concerned).

Anyhow Sophia turned out to be pregnant after her encounter with Pan and she gave birth (this time in a non-virginal fashion) to Baphomet the half-human half goat half male half-female entity.

Baphomet had the Norse god Loki as his tutor for several years and then Baphomet was adopted as a son by the fallen angel Samael.

On Samael’s advice, Baphomet was made a demon.

In 1938, Sophia had met the young Orson Welles on the same day as his infamous War of the Worlds Broadcast on radio and he had taken her photo.

Now Sophia was back in the United States again.

She was going to be attending a Super Wolf Blood Moon party this coming Sunday in Washington DC.

The party was being thrown by a British Lord- Lord L who was one of the high ranking members of the Illuminati (Coincidentally the founder of the Illuminati the Jesuit priest and canon law professor Adam Weishaupt had come into possession of the gnostic Pistis Sophia manuscript in 1773 which told one version of the gnostic Sophia myth- 1773 was also the same year the Jesuit order was suppressed by Pope Clement XIV. Weishaupt founded the Illuminati 3 years later in 1776).

Also attending the party would be Sophia’s old friend the Hindu moon god Soma.

Soma would be bringing bottles of the hallucinogenic elixir drink likewise called Soma with him.

Unbeknownst to NASA, the Chinese were using the Chang’e 4 lunar probe
to mine Soma on the moon.

They were flying the Soma elixir of life back to Earth for the Lord L party again unbeknownst to NASA because NASA employees were busy falling asleep listening to the speeches of Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer on who was responsible for the U.S. government shutdown.

Sophia smiled as a snow white hare in the Washington DC snow hopped by.

. . .

In London, a 119 year old Jesuit priest who had spent most of his life in Tibet and who had been the one to warn botanist Dr. Wilfrid Glendon not to look for the Mariphasa lupina lumina the phosphorescent wolf-flower which blooms by the light of the moon (and not the sun) because no one ever returned alive from the valley where it bloomed (the story was the subject of the 1935 film The Werewolf of London) was walking the streets of London.

He was hoping to locate the whereabouts of the Church of England’s most pre-eminent exorcist the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was currently in London.

Coincidentally enough, the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was the grandson of the Rev. Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds who as a young priest had served as a curate and deacon at an Anglican Church in Llanwelly Wales a village which itself had been haunted by a werewolf (that story was the subject of the 1941 film The Wolfman).

The 119 year old Jesuit was hoping to inform Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds that a Welsh werewolf former British Labour Member of Parliament Magog Rhys Petley who now lived and worked as a private eye in London was going to be sacrificed at Lord L’s Washington DC Super Wolf Blood Moon Party in an effort to make a group of influential bankers and politicians immortal (Ironically enough Magog Rhys Petley had become a werewolf after he was bitten by the severed head of Rahu the Hindu demon of eclipses during a lunar eclipse back in 2011).

And the way the world was being sodomized by all kinds of forces these days- that’s all the poor old Earth needed at the moment- a bunch of crooked bankers and politicians who would live forever.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 18th
2019.

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The X-Files Enter Michelangelo’s Dreams

July 4, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Short play, Short play/ comedy, Television, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

The X-Files Enter Michelangelo’s Dreams

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster after binge watching 1990s episodes of The X-Files starring David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson then went to sleep 💤 in his aquarium at Set Enterprises and dreamed an X-Files related dream.

Fox Mulder (drinking a glass of bourbon) : What I want to know Scully is what do the highest levels of the U.S. government want with the Greek nature god Pan’s perfectly preserved body?

Dana Scully (shrugging): I have no idea, Mulder. I have no idea what the highest levels of the U.S. government are thinking. Or even if they think at all.

Nicotine Patch Inhaling Man (sitting at the next table in the bar): I wish my doctor hadn’t advised me to give up cigarette smoking. I imagine I look pretty stupid doing this. (continues to inhale the nicotine off the patch with his nose)

Mulder (musing aloud): I wonder if it’s possible for someone’s hairpiece to be more fun than a barrel of monkeys?

Scully: What are you aiming at, Mulder? For someone to describe you in a tweet as “a mediocre FBI agent. Spends time chasing UFOs 🛸, Sasquatch and Loch Ness monster. Huge FAIL.”

Mulder: You think the Big Chief would actually mention me, Scully?

Scully: Considering the amount of time you spent watching that Stormy Daniels porn video last night, you and he do have something in common.

Mulder (smiling): Yes and it didn’t cost me $130,000 either.

Scully: But you’re right, Mulder. The government obviously wants something with the Greek nature god Pan’s perfectly preserved body.

Mulder: Genetic research at DARPA?

Scully: Most likely, Mulder.

Mulder: Which catacomb below the Vatican is the Greek nature god Pan located in?

Scully: The hieroglyphs under the base of Michelangelo’s statue of the nature god Pan reveal the whereabouts of the catacomb, Mulder.

(A small tabby cat walks by combing its fur with a comb in its paws 🐾)

Mulder: By Michelangelo, I take it you mean the Renaissance sculptor and painter, Scully, and not the psychic lobster who’s asleep in his aquarium at Set Enterprises dreaming about us?

Scully: Exactly, Mulder.

Mulder: And I strongly suspect that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster will use the information he gleaned in this dream to inform the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and Set will therefore beat both DARPA and America’s Twitterer-In-Chief in getting the Greek nature god Pan’s body first.

Scully (smoothing her skirt and crossing her legs): Of course, Mulder.

Nicotine Patch Inhaling Man (after inhaling the tape that came with the patch): I must inform the Twitterer-In-Chief about this.

(He adjusts his election style campaign pin button on his suit which identifies him as a member of Skull 💀 and Bones 🍖 to other Skull 💀 and Bones 🍖 Society members. The button has on it two facial images- the image on the left is of Dana Scully and the image on the right is of DeForest Kelley’s Star Trek character Dr. Leonard H. McCoy)

At that moment, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster awoke.

Someone had left the TV on in the lab and BBC News had a breaking news story about how an intruder with a machete was found in Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s greenhouse.

Apparently the intruder was stopped by one of Mr. Trudeau’s greenhouse plants.

BBC News Announcer: “The Canadian Prime Minister apparently owns a genetically created cactus 🌵 plant that has a mouth and has the ability to smoke marijuana cigarettes. The plant was specially developed for him by Set Enterprises scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher right here in London. The cactus 🌵 plant apparently blew pot smoke 💨 in the machete wielding intruder’s face and sent him higher than a kite. The intruder is apparently undergoing surgery at Ottawa General Hospital to have cactus 🌵 needles removed from his goat 🐐 like furry bottom after he landed on top of the pot smoking cactus 🌵 plant and was busy shouting at the greenhouse ceiling, “The Nibiruan ET grays are coming. And Gali-Gula is their leader.”

“Meanwhile President Trump had apparently issued a tweet in which he offered condolences to the Canadian people over the death of Mr. Trudeau. He later deleted the tweet and said he was misled by fake news…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 4th
2018.

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Pan Goatee Dishes Out Yet Another Pummeling In The Name of Global Aesthetics

July 3, 2018 at 10:57 pm (Aesthetics, Art, Arts, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Pan Goatee Dishes Out Yet Another Pummeling In The Name of Global Aesthetics

Pan Goatee was once again on a mission.

Recently he had been hired to steal a Leonardo Da Vinci painting from the private art collection of a Western Canadian rancher and cattle baron.

Now he was back to steal yet another work of art from the cattle rancher’s private art collection.

This one was a small statue done of the Greek satyr god Pan.

The statue had been done by the famous Renaissance sculptor and painter Michelangelo (who was of course no relation to Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster at London’s Set Enterprises laboratory).

Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA had been doing some research earlier this year at the Vatican Archives in Rome and had discovered reference to the statue Michelangelo had sculpted of Pan the Greek satyr god of the wild, forests, mountains, rustic music, shepherds and flocks.

Apparently Michelangelo had based the sculpture on the actual perfectly preserved body of Pan he had seen hidden deep in a catacomb beneath the Vatican.

And as such it was the most accurate sculpture of Pan ever depicted in the last 2000 years.

According to the document Dr. Faustus Imhotep had read, underneath the base of the small statue were hieroglyphs that Michelangelo had carved into the base that revealed the whereabouts of what catacomb beneath the Vatican contained Pan’s body.

The highest levels of the U.S. government were anxious to get their hands on Pan’s perfectly preserved body.

A CIA search had determined that the Michelangelo statue of Pan was in the Western Canadian cattle rancher’s private collection of which Pan Goatee had recently stolen a Da Vinci painting.

So Goatee was sent to steal the Michelangelo statue now.

Goatee was riding a bus that would take him by the rancher’s maternal grandmother’s house where the late cattle baron (that Goatee had assassinated on DARPA’s orders) kept his private art collection.

Suddenly a really repulsive fat ugly woman got on the bus.

Goatee had his hands on his astral laser machete because he felt driven to decapitate the fat ugly cow.

But Dr. Faustus Imhotep had told the satyr serial killer and DARPA contract assassin not to call attention to himself.

So it took every once of strength on Goatee’s part to resist the urge.

However when the fat ugly blimp was going to get off the stop just before he got off, Goatee went up and started pummeling the fat ugly cow in her fat ugly face with his fists.

He punched her in the face 1001 times for good measure.

He then took his astral laser machete and cut her up into 100,001 pieces.

The display amazed a statistician for Statistics Canada who was sitting on the bus and counted.

“Wow, nice numbers,” the statistician was impressed.

Pan Goatee then left the bus, approached the house, tortured the cattle rancher’s grandmother until she revealed the statue’s location and then stole the Michelangelo statue of Greek nature god Pan.

He then gave the statue to American CIA agent Bob Belfor.

He then caught another bus to return him to his hotel.

As he got off, he noticed an ugly looking woman and her boyfriend get off behind him.

“What, what a loser!” Goatee thought as he looked at the creep dating an ugly woman, “I better prevent this couple from mating and passing ugly genes into the world.”

He beheaded both the ugly woman and her loser boyfriend.

Just then he got a call on his smart phone.

It was from Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA.

Apparently a person at the top of the highest levels of the U.S. government had put in a call to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau telling him that he had 24 hours to immediately remove the July 1st 2018 tariffs he had slapped on U.S. products or else.

This person at the highest levels did not tell Mr. Trudeau what the “or else” was.

The “or else” was going to be that Pan Goatee would decapitate Justin Trudeau’s head with his astral laser machete and then put the head on top of a giant marijuana plant that was growing on Ottawa’s Parliament Hill and then alert the news media to come and take pictures of Justin’s severed head on the pot plant.

Pan Goatee after getting off the phone with Dr. Faustus Imhotep then phoned the airlines and booked a flight to Ottawa first thing in the morning.

A photo montage music video about the Greek god Pan I made and posted at YouTube 10 years ago:

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 3rd
2018.

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