Yaldabaoth Meets Tiffany Twisted
Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was having breakfast along with his pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow and his singing, talking and dancing zombie black horse Bucephalus Reborn in the small dining room of The Rip Van Winkle Inn.
Sitting across from them was a brain dead zombie “woke” and “culture cancelling” white liberal “yute” (which is the lawyer Cousin Vinnyish dialect pronounciation of the word “youth”).
The “woke” brain dead zombie “yute” was on holidays.
He had spent most of the summer rioting, looting, burning and vandalizing in the city of Portland Oregon in what Michelle Obama and the mainstream Marxist media call “peaceful protests”.
Now he decided to come to Sleepy Hollow in New York because he had always wanted to spend Halloween in Sleepy Hollow.
He wore a BLACK LIVES MATTER t-shirt.
Although that message obviously didn’t apply to cats since he had run over a black cat on the highway to get here.
The “woke” brain dead zombie “yute” was busy yacking away to his airheaded girlfriend (who had picked him up from the court house in Portland after the elected liberal Democrat Marxist inclined county prosecuter had dropped criminal charges against him for the umpteenth time these past few months).
“What books do you like to read?” He asked her.
“Well, I’m trying to start reading Harry Potter,” The airhead replied.
“Harry Potter?” The brain-dead zombie “woke” “yute” dropped his fork, “Don’t you know that J.K. Rowling is a bigot and a promoter of hatred for saying that a transgendered man shouldn’t be treated the same as a biologically born female?”.
“Excuse me, young fellow,” Yaldabaoth doffed his little green leprechaun hat to the “woke” “yute” and spoke politely in a soft Irish lilt, “But I happen to think you’re a stupid brainless asshole.”
“What?” The “woke” “yute” blinked, “You just called me a stupid brainless asshole.”
“That’s right,” Yaldabaoth grinned and nodded and then turned serious, “In my own home country of Ireland, there’s a case going on at the moment involving a trans who calls himself/herself/itself Barbie Kardashian. He was born Alejandro Gabriel Gentile but decided some years back that he was actually a woman in a man’s body. He’s currently 18 years old but already has a long history of violent and sexual assaults against women. Specifically against his female care home and social workers including a brutal 2018 attack on a woman whose eyes he tried to gouge out. Now he’s once again in jail on sexual assault charges. But the Limerick District Court operating under the European Union’s politically correct Human Rights Code is ordering him held at the Limerick County Women’s Prison since he self identifies as a woman. So you’ve now got a man with a long history of violence and sexual assault against women being locked up in a female only space. And all because the courts are following the suffocating totalitarian atmosophere of political correctness advocated by brain dead zombie “woke” “yute” SJWs (social justice warriors) assholes such as yourself instead of the common sense and logic advocated by great thinkers and great writers such as J.K. Rowling.”
Having been called a brain dead zombie “woke” “yute” asshole, the “woke” “yute”” asshole then crawled on to the floor into the fetal position which is exactly what an Antifa/BLM white liberal “yute” leader did when he found himself being arrested for the first time in Kenosha Wisconsin for “peacefuly rioting” as he had never been arrested in other American cities before for “peaceful rioting”.
The innkeeper whispered to Yaldabaoth, “Tiffany Twisted the woman who’s renting the room across from you would like to meet you.”
Yaldabaoth went upstairs and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Tiffany said in a soft sensual voice.
Yaldabaoth opened the door and came face to face with Tiffany Twisted.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 15th
2020.
It’s The Great Pumpkin, Headless Horseman!
The talking and singing black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn, Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun and his pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius were in Sleepy Hollow having hoped to meet the Great Pumpkin this past Friday night.
Sadly the Great Pumpkin was held up at the U.S. border by ICE officials.
He was put into a cage and had to undergo a test for Covid-19.
Dr. Anthony Fauci was brought in to conduct the test himself.
Dr. Fauci determined that the Great Pumpkin was indeed positive for Covid-19.
However due to the large amount of crying and wailing children outside the ICE compound on the Ontario-New York Canada-U.S.border, 100 doctors from the Center For Disease Control in Atlanta, Georgia were brought in to test the Great Pumpkin.
All 100 doctors determined that the Great Pumpkin was negative for Covid-19.
ICE decided to release the Great Pumpkin on this night October 11th.
The Great Pumpkin then headed south to the village of Sleepy Hollow.
Last evening October 10th as they were in their room in the Rip Van Winkle Inn, the 4 visitors to Sleepy Hollow mentioned in the first paragraph watched on their room’s TV set an interview between the ghost of TV talk show host Merv Griffin and the ghost of noted writer, director and actor Orson Welles which was being shown on the Paranormal Channel.
Yesterday October 10th 2020 was the 35th anniversary of the death of Orson Welles (Welles having died on October 10th 1985).
Welles’ ghost was currently serving as an advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the ghost of Winston Churchill.
When the interview was over, Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun turned the TV off and phoned downstairs to the front desk asking for a specific brand of rum.
The innkeeper replied, “We haven’t had that spirit here since 1999.”
An artist called Prince who was formerly the artist formerly known as Prince had apparently drank the last bottle at 10 minutes to midnight on the New Year’s Eve just before the advent of the year 2000.
Meanwhile on the radio a well-known female porn star was singing that old Bryan Adams hit Summer of ’69.
Buchephalus Reborn had grabbed an old geographical atlas off the room’s bookshelf and lay on the floor trying to locate the Hotel California on a map.
Outside the window could be seen a horde of eagles circling the inn.
Such was last night the evening of October 10th 2020.
Tonight October 11th 2020 the four were walking towards the Sleepy Hollow pumpkin patch where the Great Pumpkin was putting in an appearance (hopefully).
They walked past the cemetery where schoolteacher Ichabod Crane was buried.
As they walked past the cemetery, the horse Bucephalus Reborn started whistling the tune to an old Irish folk song Whistling Gypsy.
Yaldabaoth began to sing,
The whistling gypsy came over the hill
Down to the valley so shady;
He whistled and he sang
Till the green woods rang
And he won the heart of a lady.
The woman whose heart Yaldabaoth won and would be waiting for him on his bed in the room when they got back to the inn.
They soon arrived at the pumpkin patch.
As spooky music played on an abandoned church organ not far from the pumpkin patch, the Great Pumpkin rose above all the other pumpkins and said,
I am the Great Pumpkin
Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
and for the day confined to fast in fires
Till all the weight gained by eating me
Is burnt and purged away.
With that Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow grabbed the Great Pumpkin.
And Buchephalus Reborn grabbed a tube of Crazy Glue.
When his hooves removed the top off the tube of Crazy Glue, the horse asked, “Why do I feel the spirits of my relatives around me?”.
The horse then glued the Great Pumpkin to the top of the Headless Horseman’s body between his shoulders.
“Woe is me!” Were the Great Pumpkin’s last words before succumbing to the consciousness of Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow.
U.S. Postal Service employee Norman Newman who had been wandering around Sleepy Hollow hopelessly lost the past couple of days came over when he heard the cry “Woe is me!”.
He handed the Headless Horseman a lettered envelope addressed to JOHNNY WO, SLEEPY HOLLOW.
The letter was postmarked UNCLE ERNIE’S PLACE, SOMEWHERE DOWN UNDER, AUSTRALIA.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 11th
2020.
The Headless Horseman In Pumpkin Country
Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow had been without a head ever since his pumpkin head had been ripped off during the course of a discount sale on pumpkin spice lattes in Ravenna a few weeks ago.
He sat in a cafe in Rome, Italy alongside his black zombie horse Bucephalus Reborn.
Bucephalus was entertaining the customers by singing a song from an old 1950s television show,
“Mr. Ed the talking horse
of course, of course, of course…”
Bucephalus then stopped to add bushels of sugar to his giant cup of tea.
On the radio, a news story was unfolding:
Joseph Cardinal Zen of Hong Kong has called Vatican Secretary of State Pietro Parolin a liar over the Vatican-China Agreement that the Vatican hopes to renew with Communist China by next month.
Said Cardinal Zen, “Parolin knows that he is lying. He knows that I know he is a liar, he knows that I will tell everyone he is a liar…”
The newscaster then said, “We tried to find a politician anywhere in the world who would back up Cardinal Zen’s claim that Cardinal Parolin is a liar.
The only one we could find is British MP Renfield R. Renfield.”
Voice of Renfield: Cardinal Zen is absolutely right. Cardinal Parolin is a liar.
The Headless Horseman then remarked to Bucephalus Reborn, “Pope Francis is not very happy with that Englishman Renfield.”
The horse responded while sipping his tea, “Of course, of course, of course.”
Sophia the Greco-Egyptian goddess of wisdom then entered the cafe and noticed the Headless Horseman was looking very forlorn without his head attached to his shoulders.
She asked him what was up.
The Headless Horseman then explained the situation.
“Too bad your pumpkin head was ripped off,” Sophia stated sympathetically as she ordered a slice of pumpkin pie from the waiter, “I suppose you’re looking for a new pumpkin to replace it.”
“I am,” the Headless Horseman nodded without a head which was quite an accomplishment in itself.
“I hear the Great Pumpkin of Charlie Brown Peanuts fame is visiting your hometown of Sleepy Hollow tonight,” Sophia licked the whipped cream off her slice of pumpkin pie.
“Too bad I’m thousands of miles from Sleepy Hollow,” the Headless Horseman sighed.
“Of course, of course, of course,” Buchephalus nodded.
Sophia then phoned her son Yaldabaoth the Irish Leprechaun.
Yaldabaoth had recently become united with his pet pterodactyl who had been lost since 1940 when the latter had heard that Benito Mussolini was looking for him.
She asked Yaldabaoth to fly the pterodactyl from Ireland to Rome so that the Headless Horseman could borrow it to fly to Sleepy Hollow.
Yaldabaoth and his pterodactyl managed to land in Rome in a manner of minutes.
The pterodactyl having been spurred on by an ingestion of Uncle Ernie’s Chemical of the Day mailed to him from Australia.
The Headless Horseman and Bucephalus Reborn then boarded the pterodactyl and headed off to Sleepy Hollow in upstate New York.
They were soon in sight of Pumpkin Country around Sleepy Hollow.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 9th
2020.
The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora In Ravenna
The Byzantine vampiress Theodora in Ravenna Italy – the city that was the capital of Byzantine Italy from 540 AD to 751 AD.
Theodora when in Istanbul yesterday had managed to talk the Transylvanian Count Dracula (aka the Wallachian Prince Vlad Dracula) into going to Armenia and fighting the Azeris over the territory of Nagorno-Karabakh (Nagorno is a Russian word meaning “Mountainous” and Karabakh is the Russian rendering of an Azeri word meaning “Black Garden”. Armenians call the territory Artsakh an ancient Armenian name for the area).
A recently retired Israeli Mossad agent (whose code name was the Controller of the Golem) joined Dracula in fighting alongside the Armenians.
Theodora had come to Ravenna because she had heard that her arch enemy the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was planning to come to the city to meet with six Vampiric Knights-Templar and their Hessian mercenary ally Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden (better known to the world as the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow).
Lilith was hoping to get the six Vampiric Knights-Templar and the Headless Horseman to fight alongside the Azeris in the Nagorno-Karabakh Conflict.
The six Vampiric Knights-Templar and the Headless Horseman had helped Allatallahbel the vampiress Priestess of Baal (who was an ally of Lilith) seize control of the Vatican back on Friday October 13th 2017.
An event that had not been covered by the mainstream Marxist media in the Western world and they had no excuse of a Covid-1984 plandemic (which they’re always yacking about in this year of 2020) not to have covered the story.
Theodora sat waiting for the Headless Horseman to ride by riding his zombie black horse Bucephalus Reborn that he apparently did at this time of day.
She knew that on this day he’d be riding to meet Lilith.
Theodora meanwhile had put up signs around the city’s cafes and restauraunts that said SORRY, WE’RE ALL OUT OF PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE.
Theodora’s assistant Mulligan the Irish Zombie (whom she had rented from London art gallery curator and dealer Dashwood Forrest) stood not far from her with a coffee stand.
As Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow came riding along with his carved jack o’ lantern pumpkin head, Theodora shouted in Italian to people passing by, “Free pumpkin spice latte if you help yourself to the nearest piece of pumpkin that you can see and bring it over to Mulligan’s Coffee Stand where he’ll make it for you.”
The hapless Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow found himself being charged at by a large group of people who ripped off his pumpkin head and fought over pieces of it before taking slices over to Mulligan’s Coffee Stand.
The Headless Horseman would be unavailable for his meeting with Lilith.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 28th
2020.
Qonzilqointec of The Catacombs
Qonzilqointec of The Catacombs
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in the catacombs of Rome.
After having spent Dias de los Muertos down in Mexico, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had flown from Mexico City to Rome on a mission for Set Enterprises and the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Set was anxious to get his hands on the recently signed Pact of the Catacombs that was signed down in the catacombs by various cardinals, bishops and priests at last month’s Pan-Amazonia Synod.
Set feared that in that pact was an alliance treaty signed between his arch-enemy, brother and brother-in-law the Egyptian god Osiris and Pachamama the ancient Inca Mother Earth goddess.
Therefore Set wanted to discover whether talk of an Osiris-Pachamama alliance was in fact true.
So he had talked Qonzilqointec and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing into searching the catacombs to find a copy of the pact which according to one of Set’s sources inside the Vatican was hidden inside one of the catacomb walls.
Qonzilqointec stood at one of the catacomb entrances waiting for Dracul Van Helsing to catch up:
“Are you coming?” She asked him.
“I am most definitely coming,” Dracul answered as he looked at her.
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” she threw back her hair and laughed.
“I think in the catacombs, we are somewhat below gutter level aren’t we?” Dracul pointed out.
“That’s no excuse,” she shook her head.
They heard a clop! clop! clop! coming from one of the catacombs.
Then a peculiar voice that sounded like neighing and then singing, “Mr. Ed the Talking Horse! Of course! Of course!”.
Aztec vampiress and Canadian vampire hunter looked and there was a headless horseman (wearing a jack o’ lantern pumpkin for a head) riding a black horse.
A black horse that was wearing tap dancing shoes as it clopped along.
“Excuse me,” Van Helsing asked politely, “but do you know where a copy of the recently signed Pact of the Catacombs might be hidden in the catacomb walls?”.
“Well,” the Headless Horseman blew his carved out pumpkin nose with his handkerchief (a very tricky feat), “I was told by the Pope’s personal Monsignor Master of Ceremonies that a copy of the pact was hid in that wall down there.”
The headless horseman pointed.
“Thanks very much,” Van Helsing smiled.
“No problem,” the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow doffed his hat off his pumpkin head.
As the Headless Horseman’s horse trotted off towards the catacomb entrance with his headless rider, the horse sang his own paraphrased version of an old Charlie Rich song, “Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful mare in the world? And if you did, was she sneezing, sneezing?…”
A song that the horse Bucephalus Reborn sang in tribute to a long lost love of his who had a terrible allergy to hay.
“Got it,” Qonzilqointec grabbed the scroll from the wall.
She unrolled it.
“It appears Set’s worst fears are true,” she noted as she read it.
“I’ll text message him right now,” Van Helsing pulled out his smart phone and proceeded to do just that.
“Well, I suppose we better head back to London,” Qonzilqointec suggested.
“What’s the rush?” Van Helsing looked around, “I wonder what it’s like to make out in the catacombs?”.
Qonzilqointec approached him, “Are you asking me to make out with you in the catacombs?”.
“I am,” Van Helsing answered.
Later as Pope Francis was taking an evening stroll through the catacombs, he got the shock of his life.
“Great life force of the Amazon!” The pontiff exclaimed.
Being used to the confines of the Vatican, he wasn’t used to the sight of two people of the opposite sex making out with one another.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 3rd
2019.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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