Yaldabaoth and Morrigan

February 10, 2020 at 11:45 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Yaldabaoth and Morrigan

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun looked exceedingly pleased with himself as he was nestled in the arms of Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.

The year was 1955.

The place Monte Carlo.

And Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun had been cleaning up at the roulette tables.

House management had become concerned.

Unfortunately their regular house detective had been killed in a shoot out last month involving the American CIA, the Soviet KGB, the IRA (Irish Republican Army), the California Harper Valley PTA (Parent-Teachers’ Association) and the American IRS (Internal Revenue Service).

The IRS must have emerged the winner.

Because the IRS operative put a hand in the house detective’s pocket, pulled out a stone and squeezed blood out of the stone into a jar (that had a piece of paper written on the jar’s outside saying For Uncle Sam).

After an hour the stone no longer cosmologically or ontologically existed and the large jar was filled to the top with blood.

The house detective was buried in a grotto honouring the goddess Fortuna.

Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion was hired by the casino to serve as house detective until a replacement for the deceased fellow could be found.

So far no one was willing to take the job.

Because Jocasta a parent representative on the California Harper Valley PTA (who was quite overly protective of her son) was one nasty target shooting markswoman.

Fortunately for Carson Cody Albion, he had been turned into an immortal by Atargatis the Syro-Phoenician goddess back in the early 1940s.

So Jocasta’s bullets didn’t amount to much.

Although after missing Albion, they did strike and kill a Ph.D student in Psychology who was doing his doctoral dissertation on the theories of Sigmund Freud and his analysis of the connection between the male libido and psyche.

When Albion opened the hotel room door, he saw Yaldabaoth in the arms of Morrigan.

“Other guests in the hotel have been complaining about the sound of spanking coming from this room,”
Albion said.

“That is strange,” Yaldabaoth admitted.

“May I inquire, sir, as to why both your pants and underpants are on the floor and your bottom seems to be glowing like the fireflies of a warm August night?” Albion asked.

“I must confess I’m at a loss for words,” Yaldabaoth answered.

Morrigan reached over to the dresser, pulled a dictionary off it and handed it to the leprechaun.

“Even more than the sound of spanking,” Albion cleared his throat, “management is concerned about your constant winning at the roulette wheel.”

“It is the luck of the Irish, it is,” Yaldabaoth grinned.

“Our detectors detected a magnet coming from your direction,” Albion stated.

“Ah, for sure ’tis my magnetic personality,” the leprechaun smiled, “overflowing like the River Shannon after a week of spring rains.”

“What about this magnet on your belt?” The detective picked up the leprechaun’s pants.

“As Saint Patrick is my witness, I don’t know how that got there,” the leprechaun protested.

“But Saint Patrick isn’t here to be your witness,” Morrigan pointed out.

“Shibboleth, I don’t know what to say,” Yaldabaoth shook his head.

“You might start by improving the pronunciation of your conversational ancient Hebrew,” Albion noted.

The detective had recently taken a course in conversational ancient Hebrew.

“I know how to punish Yaldabaoth for his offences,” Morrigan once again took the leprechaun over her knee.

“I’ll show myself out,” Albion remarked as he went over to the door, opened it and exited.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday January 19th
2020
Finally posted on 
Monday February 10th
2020.
The Morrigan-Yaldabaoth the
Irish leprechaun story for Anonymole.

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Artemis In New York City

September 23, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Artemis In New York City

The Greek goddess Artemis was renting a rustic looking room in a quaint old apartment building in New York City for the opening week of the U.N. General-Assembly as leaders from all over the world came to the Big Apple and the UN to throw the bull.

The Greek goddess Artemis looked out the window as a haggard looking descendant of the original Minotaur was walking the streets of New York City towards the UN building where he would be thrown around the podium by world leaders.

“Poor bull,” Artemis said to herself.

On the TV in Artemis’ room was the image of Donald Trump appearing on the screen telling the media that he had never said or done anything underhanded in his telephone conversations with Ukraine’s President.

“And there’s the biggest offender of them all,” Artemis said aloud.

The Greek goddess of the hunt was in New York City to try to prevent her brother Ares from using the General Assembly proceedings as a staging ground to get world powers to wage war against Iran.

In this matter of wanting to start a widespread global war, Ares had for his allies Thor the Norse god of thunder and Morrigan the Irish Celtic goddess of war.

Morrigan had already managed to convince German Chancellor Angela Merkel, French President Emmanuel Macron and British Prime Minister Boris Johnson that Iran was responsible for the recent drone attacks on Saudi Arabia’s biggest oil facility.

Renfield R. Renfield who was Britain’s Deputy Foreign Secretary in Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering had tried to argue in a video teleconferencing call with the 3 leaders that the matter must be looked at with sober second thought.

However Morrigan managed to spike Renfield’s lemonade (that he was drinking during the video teleconferencing call) with a lethal brand of Shannon River moonshine that was slipped into Renfield’s lemonade by Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

Therefore a most definitely not sober Renfield was unable to convince the 3 leaders to look at the whole Aramco oil refinery attack with sober second thought.

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing entered the apartment.

The vampire hunter was Artemis’ ally in trying to upset the plans of Ares this week.

Artemis and Dracul decided to test out the springs of the mattress on the bed in the apartment.

Zeus had lightning bolts come out of his head when he looked through the window and saw what his daughter was up to with the extremely James Bondish 007 vampire hunter.

. . .

Village of Calypso’s Bosom Sheriff Stonewalled Jackman who was on a top secret mission for Canada’s Prime Minister Justin Trudeau (although he had currently forgotten what that mission was) was walking through the UN building carrying several packages of Australian Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day.

He was stopped and invited to speak at a Conference On Climate Change by a UN official who thought the long-haired hippy looking Sheriff was one of the guest speakers.

Thinking they were candies, the UN official passed out the packages of chemicals to youthful Climate Change activists at the session.

Later on CNN that night, a CNN interviewer was interviewing Swedish teen climate change activist Greta Thunberg via livestream between New York and the newsroom in Atlanta when 3 minutes into the interview, the CNN newsroom director signalled that the livestream be brought to a screeching halt.

“Due to technical difficulties beyond our control, we are unable to continue with the rest of the interview,” the CNN anchorwoman informed the TV audience.

. . .

Meanwhile the South Pacific supernatural entity Cthulhu the Great Old One was meeting with Mammon the ancient Babylonian demon god of banking and commerce in the latter’s Manhattan penthouse apartment suite.

Mammon showed Cthulhu the posters he had printed up that Cthulhu had requested.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday September 23rd
2019.

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One Hell of A Snowstorm From Hel The Norse Goddess

January 30, 2019 at 11:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, weather) (, , , , , , , , , , )


Norse Goddess Hel: Do come in out of the cold, Mr. Van Helsing, and come warm yourself inside my welcoming fireplace.

Much of the United States was suffering one Hell of a cold spell and one Hell of a snowstorm.

And it was being caused by Hel the goddess of the Norse frozen underworld.

She had brought one Hell of a polar vortex with her from her abyss in the frozen northern wastelands.

She was able to do so because Wotan/Odin the chief of the Norse Germanic pantheon of gods (known as the AEsir) and King of Asgard was currently in a Set Enterprises eye clinic in London under the care of Dr. Cadbury Rocher as a result of his one good eye being hit by an arrow fired from the Celtic stag god Cernunnos’ crossbow on a U.S. Republican Party Country Club deer hunting trip gone horribly awry and hideously astray.

Since Wotan/Odin wasn’t around to veto the idea, Hel decided to have some fun.

She was currently in a Chicago hotel enjoying both the cold and the snow storm from inside her warmly heated luxury hotel room.

The Norse trickster god Loki was in a Chicago park trying to re-enact a scene from the 1997 Julia Roberts movie My Best Friend’s Wedding and ended up getting his tongue frozen to the ice cold pussy of a frozen ice sculpture statue of the Greek goddess Aphrodite.

The Norse wolf Fenrir and the Baphomet (who was currently in Chicago on a cross-country speaking tour raising funds for the U.S. Democratic Party) laughed heartedly as a Chicago Fire Department welding unit was brought in to free Loki’s tongue from Aphrodite’s pussy.

Dracul Van Helsing was currently walking around Chicago caught in a vortex of time caught between a Chicago in a black and white Hollywood film movie set of the 1930s and the Chicago of the January 30th 2019 polar vortex snowstorm from Hell caused by Hel.

The vortex of time was brought about by the mad scientists at the CERN Large Hadron Collidor tunnel in Switzerland interfering with Dracul’s Houdini-Tesla prototype magic lanterns by which the Canadian vampire hunter was able to time travel.

Shiva had aided CERN scientists in doing this.

Shiva’s wife Kali on the other hand had reached out to help Dracul Van Helsing.

For some reason, Kali’s mention of Dracul Van Helsing on a previous occasion had caused Shiva to turn into a green-eyed monster.

The ghost of Orson Welles, looking very much like the ghost of Christmas Past in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, appeared to Van Helsing.

“Persephone the Greek goddess of the underworld has sent me to help you,” Welles’ ghost explained, “Van Helsing, you seem to work your way into the most precarious situations. I really don’t understand it.”

Welles’ ghost led Van Helsing on to a Persian flying carpet where they flew through the air to the Mysterious Goddess Hotel in Chicago.

There the Norse goddess Hel invited Van Helsing into her room.

An invitation from the Norse goddess Hel to Dracul Van Helsing.

As Hel and Van Helsing made out and practiced tantric sex on a bear skin rug in front of the fireplace, Welles’ ghost complained about the fact that he was reduced to making porno films in the 21st Century.

Welles and Van Helsing left the room whereupon the door to the next room magically opened and the Norse goddess Freya the Queen of Asgard invited Van Helsing in:

Freya: Do come in and stay awhile, Mr. Van Helsing.

As Van Helsing and Freya engaged in a Kama Sutra tantric sex encounter,
Welles remarked over the Riesling wine and the delicious Norse cod that he was eating, “Well Van Helsing, there’s nothing like forging an alliance between Odin/Wotan and Shiva in one cosmic act of revenge.”

Next door, Morrigan the Celtic goddess of war invited Van Helsing in for a lesson as Welles watched.

Welles drowned his voyeurism in pints of Guinness and bottles of Irish whiskey.

Finally Zeus’ daughter Artemis the Greek goddess of the moon made the Call of The Wild from next door.

Artemis displays a full moon for Van Helsing on this evening.

“Zeus, Shiva and Odin/Wotan in a triple alliance,” Welles moaned over several bucketloads of the best French champagne as he watched the divinely cosmic sexual encounter.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 30th
2019.

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