Games of War and Peace

July 26, 2018 at 9:24 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Games of War and Peace

Iranian Major-General Qassem Soleimani the commander of the Quds Force of Iran’s elite Revolutionary Guards responded to Donald Trump’s all caps tweet of a few days before in which he threatened Iran 🇮🇷.

Said Soleimani, “If you begin the war, we will end the war.”

He added, “We are near you, where you can’t even imagine.”

“What do you suppose Soleimani meant by that?” Amadeus Emanon asked his good friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

“There are Iranian soldiers across the border over in Mexico 🇲🇽,” Renfield replied.

“Really?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes and they won’t be stopped by any wall,” Renfield broke some bricks with his bare hands in a martial arts manoeuvre.

“Wow,” Amadeus was trying to fathom all this.

“Plus there are also Iranian troops in Venezuela 🇻🇪,” Renfield played the Harry Belafonte song Matilda on his iPhone.

“There are?” Amadeus was again shocked.

“Yes, along with the nuclear weapons that the Iranians hid from the International Atomic Energy Agency inspection teams,” Renfield started playing the James Bond movie theme song For Your Eyes Only on his iPhone.

“Do the U.S. Intelligence agencies know about this?” Amadeus asked.

“Probably not,” Renfield played the Monty Python song How Sweet To Be An Idiot on his accordion, “they’re too busy investigating the possibility that it was Russian interference in the 2016 election that was responsible for the Hillarybeast’s defeat.”

“You don’t think it was?” Amadeus raised an eyebrow.

“No, one thing about the left wing liberal bozos that make up America’s media and cultural elites, they don’t seem to know and understand much history,” Renfield played the theme song from the movie Gone With The Wind on his accordion, “if they did they’d realize that in really troubled economic times (as has existed in America since the global financial crash of 2008 and as existed in Germany in the days of the Weimar Republic), the vast majority of the working class are always going to prefer a populist demagogue that appeals to their fears rather than some spoiled brat stuck-up wealthy condescending liberal elitist who’ll throw a few bread crumb expensive social programs in their direction but really do nothing to alleviate the causes of their economic misery. Hence probably the reason why Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster and I were the only ones to predict a Trump win even while The New York Times, The Washington Post and CNN were touting how far behind in the opinion polls Trump was behind the Hillarybeast.”

The ghost of Orson Welles who was eavesdropping on the conversation agreed with Renfield’s assessment
and commented, “This explains my unpopularity with most of Hollywood’s establishment who were and are liberal Democrats. I was one of the few New Deal liberal Democrats around who actually knew, loved and understood history. Therefore they despised me.”

. . .

Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras was struggling with the aftermath of the Greek wildfires (that were most likely deliberately set) and now massive flooding had hit Greece 🇬🇷.

When Tsipras opened the door of his office, he was startled to see a woman standing there.

The woman was the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who was sporting a new necklace.

“Good evening, Mr. Tsipras,” she smiled her vampiric incisors at him, “Do come closer and embrace me. A closer look and feel of my new necklace, perhaps?”.

The Vampiress Lilith sporting a new necklace

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 26th
2018.

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Napoleon VI Looking For A Public Relations Coup

November 12, 2017 at 7:30 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Napoleon VI Looking For A Public Relations Coup

The kraken who called himself Napoleon VI (formerly Italian mad scientist Dr. Poseidon Prometheus who had uploaded his consciousness into the body of a cyborg octopus 🐙- part octopus and part robot) had been moping around the house ever since he lost the 1st round of the French Presidential election this past April coming in 12th of the 12 Presidential candidates running.

His wife Medusa (the ex-Gorgon) was getting sick of his constant moping and his constant bellyaching for a bellyaching kraken is not a pleasant sight.

“Why don’t you do something concrete?” Medusa scolded as she stood in her new Christian Dior evening gown and read a new book explaining the possible whereabouts of ex-Teamsters boss Jimmy Hoffa, “Instead of constantly complaining, do something to get your name in the news. The French electorate are regretting having elected Emmanuel Macron President. Do something positive and praiseworthy and you’ll become famous and get elected President of France next time.”

“But what can I do?” Napoleon VI wondered which one of his 8 metallic tentacled arms he should use if he was ever invited to play golf with Donald Trump.

“Well, there’s talk of a possible war between Saudi Arabia 🇸🇦 and Iran 🇮🇷. Why don’t you see if you can’t bring peace between the two countries? Then you’ll be hailed as the great peacemaker,” Medusa adjusted her gown.

“I suppose I could,” Napoleon VI realized he’d probably have to skip the Monte Carlo Monopoly Game Board Tournament if he were to do that.

. . .

The two Bedouins riding on their camels 🐫 through the Arabian Desert were startled to see a giant octopus 🐙 parachuting out of a plane ✈️ and landing on the sands not far from them.

“I say,” the Kraken Napoleon VI spoke in a Monty Python style British accent thinking that this would make him more understandable to people who only spoke Arabic, “can you direct me to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s palace in Riyadh?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 12th
2017.

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Diablos Nocturna Detests Vienna Vegan Sausages

July 17, 2015 at 6:32 pm (Commentary, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Diablos Nocturna Detests Vienna Vegan Sausages

MI-6 Agent Diablos Nocturna was at MI-6 Headquarters with his Canadian CSIS agent liaison Monica Dhaliwal.

For more background on the relationship between Diablos Nocturna and Monica Dhaliwal, please read the following:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/09/12/diablos-nocturna-at-the-nato-summit-in-newport-wales/

Diablos and Monica were going through the text of the agreement with Iran on that country’s nuclear program that was reached earlier this week with the UN’s big 5 powers.

As Diablos read through the agreement, he was feeling more and more sympathy for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

He was also wondering in which Oval Office desk drawer the current American President might have possibly misplaced his brains.

“What do you think?” Monica asked Diablos as she smoothed her skirt.

“Well,” Diablos responded, “I remember when Microsoft’s Bill Gates came out with Windows 95 back in 1995, people in the know at the time said, “Windows 95 was Mac ’87”. I think Vienna 2015 is Munich 1938.”

-To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 17th
2015.

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The Controller of The Golem

March 11, 2014 at 7:15 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Controller of The Golem

The most shadowy and yet possibly the most powerful figure in the Israeli Mossad Organization was a man known only as the Controller of the Golem.

His name and true identity was top secret.

CIA agent Bob Belfor had been sent by his superiors in Washington D.C. to talk to the Controller of the Golem about a shipment of weapons that the Israeli Navy seized in the Red Sea off Sudan last week.

A Panamanian flagged vessel the Klos-C had been boarded by the Israeli Navy who claimed to have found on board dozens of Syrian made M-302 rockets that were being shipped by the Islamic Republic of Iran to Hamas militants in the Gaza Strip.

The rockets that were found were said to have a range of 150 to 200 kilometers.

Apparently America’s Neville Chamberlainesque President Barack Obama was having a hard time believing that Iran could possibly do anything wrong.

So Belfor had been sent by Washington to see for himself the shipment.

The Belfor report would then be given to President Obama to digest (no doubt leading to massive indigestion on his part).

After Belfor had been shown the shipment, he then went to talk to the Controller of the Golem.

They had a discussion about the Iranian leadership.

“Of course,” the Controller of the Golem went on, “we found out how tolerant and peace-loving the theocratic thug rulers of Iran really were when on February 14th 1989 the Supreme Leader of Iran the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini issued a fatwa or death sentence on Indian born British subject and writer Salman Rushdie for his book The Satanic Verses.”

“I’ve never really read the book,” said Belfor, “because as a CIA agent, I don’t have time to read. I’m too busy playing on-line games like World of Warcraft on the off-chance some terrorist cells are conversing with one another via the game. You’ll never guess what level I reached in the game last week…”

The Controller of the Golem was starting to think that the old 1960s Mel Brooks television series Get Smart was the most accurate screen depiction ever made about the American “intelligence” community.

. . .

Sonia Sedgewick was one of MI-6’s top agents.

She had been sent by 10 Downing Street in London to Israel to see for herself the shipment of Syrian made rockets that the Israelis claimed had been sent by Iran intended for Hamas in the Gaza Strip.

The Controller of The Golem enjoyed talking to this intelligent and very beautiful woman who was smartly dressed in a gray skirt and white blouse.

She had heard of Salman Rushdie although she too had never read his book The Satanic Verses.

“I must confess in terms of books for personal reading I’ve never really read anything past 1900,” she laughed, “I’m strictly a Will Shakespeare and Jane Austen girl.”

The Controller of the Golem could have kissed her but he felt it might have been construed as unprofessional conduct.

“These satanic verses that Rushdie wrote about for which he was condemned to die by the Ayatollah Khomeini,” Sonia asked him, “weren’t these purported to be actual verses in the Quran that the Prophet Mohammed claimed the Devil caused him to put in the first written copy of the Quran and he later took these verses out in later copies of the Quran?”.

“That’s right,” the Controller of the Golem answered.

“What did these verses actually say?” Sonia asked, “what exactly were the satanic verses?”.

“That Allah had three daughters,” the Controller of the Golem replied.

“That Allah had three daughters?” Sonia Sedgewick was incredulous, “but don’t Muslims condemn Christians for suggesting that God had a son?”.

“That’s right,” the Controller of the Golem nodded.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 11th
2014.

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