Trump Blasts “Two-Faced” Trudeau

December 4, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Trump Blasts “Two-Faced” Trudeau

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in a lounge in a London hotel and discussing the day’s NATO Summit events with his friends Mei-ling Manchu, Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

“So I see Donald Trump, while he was in a press conference meeting with Angela Merkel this morning,” Amadeus bit into his nut spread and sauerkraut sandwich, “said that Justin Trudeau was “two-faced”. What do you think of that description of the Canadian Prime Minister?”.

“Well, I suppose, since Justin Trudeau occasionally wears blackface,” Renfield answered, “Being “two-faced” might be an accurate description.”

“Doesn’t he also wear brown face and a turban when he’s pretending to be Aladdin’s genie?” Angelique Dumont inquired.

“And a green face when he’s pretending to be a Martian to impress giggling teen-aged pot smoking desert cactus girls?” Mei-ling Manchu added.

“I think Trump was angry because Justin Trudeau made fun of him in what the Canadian Prime Minister thought was a private conversation between himself, Boris Johnson, Emmanuel Macron and the Dutch Prime Minister at last night’s NATO banquet reception hosted by Her Majesty the Queen at Buckingham Palace, wasn’t he?” Amadeus downed his Earl Grey tea.

“Could be,” Renfield nodded, “although Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger reports that a man wearing blackface and a turban was seen walking on the terrace outside Melania Trump’s bedroom last night. And Harvey said Melania this morning left her room smiling like the Mona Lisa.”

“Like a moth to a flame eh?” Mei-ling quipped in reference to the U.S. First Lady’s fashion faux-pas at the Buckingham Palace reception last night.

“Speaking of flames, is the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever going to be returned to Justin Trudeau?” Amadeus asked.

“Apparently not,” Renfield shook his head, “Set Enterprises is still worried about the threat posed to Strawberry Fields Forever’s life by Xi Jinping’s death edict written in medieval Imperial Mandaran – a scroll that Sydney Australia based billionaire Mr. Inn Lu was able to translate. And security on the Trudeau estate in Ottawa is pretty lax seeing as how it’s overseen by Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman the pot-smoking sheriff of the mystical hippy commune village of Calypso’s Bosom. Therefore Set Enterprises is moving Strawberry Fields Forever to the safety of a jazz cafe on the island of Spitsbergen. They don’t think that PRC Ministry of State Security operatives will want to freeze their asses off on an assassination mission in Spitsbergen.”

“From what I know of PRC Ministry of State Security operatives, that assessment is probably correct,” Mei-ling Manchu nodded.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 4th
2019.

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NATO Summit London

December 3, 2019 at 10:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

NATO Summit London

Donald Trump and French President Emmanuel Macron met and wrestled with one another.

Macron asked, “What’s the purpose of NATO? There is no purpose to NATO. The Cold War has been over for almost 30 years.”

Trump responded, “We have new enemies. China is the new enemy.”

The Donald mentioned this even as he was placing an order for Chinese food on his Huawei smart phone.

Then at 10 Downing Street, Boris Johnson hosted a dinner meeting with Emmanuel Macron, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

Macron and Erdogan then got into a wrestling match over NATO.

“NATO is brain dead,” said Macron.

“On the contrary, you’re brain dead,” Erdogan responded, “for not knowing what a terrorist is.”

“What is a terrorist?” Angela Merkel asked as she applied pancake makeup and a maple syrup facial cream mask to her face.

“Anybody of Kurdish ancestry,” Erdogan answered as he held the French leader in a choke hold.

“Who am I going to wrestle with?” Angela Merkel asked Boris Johnson as Erdogan and Macron continued to wrestle with one another on the kitchen table knocking over plates and dishes.

Boris Johnson said he was going to step outside for a moment in an effort to avoid wrestling with Angela Merkel.

As Johnson stepped outside 10 Downing Street, a reporter asked him, “Mr. Johnson, how many children do you have?” which was a question the British Prime Minister was recently asked in a BBC TV interview.

“I don’t know how many children I have,” Johnson answered angrily which was the same response he gave the BBC interviewer.

“Now there’s a frightening thought,” the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu remarked to British MP Renfield R. Renfield as they were sitting in a 2nd floor office at 10 Downing Street, “Boris Johnson has done it so many times with different women, he doesn’t know how many children he’s had.”

“That is a frightening thought,” Renfield admitted as his hair started to stand on end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 3rd
2019.

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215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

December 2, 2019 at 11:57 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

215 Years Since Napoleon Bonaparte’s Coronation In Notre Dame Cathedral

It was 215 years ago today that Napoleon Bonaparte had himself crowned as Emperor of the French in Notre Dame Cathedral.

Pope Pius VII had held the crown at the coronation ceremony in Notre Dame but Napoleon grabbed the crown from the pontiff and crowned himself Emperor of The French.

The Kraken Napoleon VI (who was a huge admirer of the original Emperor Napoleon I) decided to mark the occasion by having himself crowned Emperor of the French again.

He had himself crowned Emperor of the French by the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral back on December 2nd 2015.

But no one in the French government or any voters among the French electorate recognized the Imperial Coronation much to the Kraken’s disappointment.

Of course on this particular occasion Notre Dame Cathedral was now closed to the public since the April fire in the cathedral earlier this year.

And the Monsignor of Notre Dame Cathedral attended classes on the Quran every Monday night so he was unable to attend for the Kraken’s re-coronation service this evening.

So the Kraken decided to hold his re-coronation ceremony (marking the original Napoleon’s 215th year of coronation) in front of Paris’ famous Arc de Triomphe.

He wore neo-Napoleonic French Imperial robes designed by the House of Chanel to easily accommodate his 8 arms.

He hired a stork (who had tired of the baby delivering business) to fly down and deposit the Crown of Napoleon I on his head after fireworks had gone off and the Orchestre de Paris had finished played a stirring rendition of La Marseillaise as well as the theme music from the 1983 James Bond film Octopussy.

The ceremony went off without a hitch.

Donald Trump, who was currently in London for tomorrow’s 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO, watched the coronation ceremony on British television.

Trump thought to himself, “I really should have myself crowned Emperor of America.”

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was likewise in London for the 70th Anniversary meeting of NATO.

He had recently heard the good news from CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service) that a pair of time travellers had gone back in time and rescued his pet pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever from being murdered by PRC Ministry of State Security operatives on Xi Jinping’s orders.

Justin Trudeau had heard that Strawberry Fields Forever was currently being kept on the colossal London estate of the Egyptian billionaire Set who owned the multi-billion dollar research and development firm Set Enterprises.

Trudeau directed the Canadian Embassy car to be driven to the Set mansion so he could re-unite with his old friend Strawberry Fields Forever.

However Justin did not announce his visit and the Embassy car was set upon by the Set Estate’s guard and watch cat Nefertiti Galore who tore the Rolls-Royce limousine apart with her claws.

She then set out after the Canadian Prime Minister and the Embassy chauffeur.

The Embassy chauffeur managed to escape.

Justin wasn’t so lucky.

He had his clothes ripped off by Nefertiti Galore’s claws.

He was then arrested by Scotland Yard police for exposing himself on the streets of London.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu were in London and were walking back from a service commemorating the victims of last Friday’s London Bridge attack.

Renfield happened to walk in the way of Donald Trump who happened to be exiting his limousine.

Trump who thought Renfield could be as easily pushed around as the Prime Minister of Montenegro a couple of years back pushed Renfield out of the way.

Big mistake on Trump’s part.

Renfield turned around and punched Trump in the head sending his golden urine coloured toupee flying 50 feet down the street.

Secret Service agents tackled Renfield to the ground thinking he was an assassin.

Big mistake on the Secret Service agents’ part.

Mei-ling Manchu moved quickly into action and used her martial arts skills to kick and send all of the Secret Service agents flying over the dome of Saint Paul’s Cathedral.

A dirigible flying above the dome carried John Donne’s message, “Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 2nd 
2019.

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