Renfield, Franz Kohler, Van Helsing, Hera and Zeus On The 75th Anniversary of Hitler’s Death

April 30, 2020 at 9:54 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield, Franz Kohler, Van Helsing, Hera and Zeus On The 75th Anniversary of Hitler’s Death

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed by an independent radio station in Great Falls, Montana.

“So, what do you think of New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio attacking New York’s Hasidic Jewish community in one of his tweets because so many people attended a rabbi’s funeral in Brooklyn?” The interviewer asked.

“Antisemitism can now be added to Bill de Blasio’s long list of inherent stupidities,” Renfield answered.

“Turning towards economics here in America, as millions of Americans are now losing their jobs as a result of the Coronavirus lockdown, the ultra-wealthy elite such as Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, Microsoft founder Bill Gates and Berkshire Hathaway’s Warren Buffett have made an extra $282 billion in just 23 days of the pandemic, what’s your comment on that?” Asked the Great Falls radio journalist.

“In any shitty situation, the super rich always seem to come up smelling like a rose while the rest of us find our bones and blood and tears and sweat mixed in with the rest of the huge amounts of fertilizer dumped on all the middle and lower strata of society,” Renfield replied.

“Is there a way out of this pandemic and what does the post pandemic world hold for us?” The journalist inquired.

“Well Doris Day sang the answer to that question a lot better than I ever could in her song Que Sera, Sera,” said Renfield, “but I will say this, if you honestly believe that a perfect world can be achieved by the likes of Bill Gates, Pope Francis, the Chinese Communist Party, John Kerry, Greta Thunberg, Michael Moore and the whole Transgender movement, you’re crazy.”

. . .

It was 75 years ago today that Nazi Germany’s Fuhrer Adolf Hitler committed suicide only hours after he married his mistress Eva Braun.

What numerous assassination attempts over the years failed to accomplish, marriage succeeded in doing in a few hours.

. . .

“Shit,” Herr Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau said upon hearing the news that Der Fuhrer was dead.

“What is it?” His assistant asked.

“Ironically, with my twisted sense of humour, I had hid the secret formula for Vril energy in a room in the British Museum in London,” Kohler’s tears fell into his sauerkraut, “And now that we’ve lost the war, the Allies may find it.”

. . .

The Greek goddess Hera was standing in a room in the British Museum listening to a jazz rehearsal.

It had come to her attention that two time travellers – Herr Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing – would be racing across the corridors of time to be the first to get to this room on this particular date in 1945.

Van Helsing was the first to arrive carrying his Houdini-Pantages-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr magic lantern film projector which allowed him to time travel.

“Glad to see you’re the first to arrive, Van Helsing,” Hera smiled at him, “Care to make out?”.

As Van Helsing was busy making out with the Greek goddess Hera, a blue eyed white wolf belonging to the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka carried the secret formula for Vril energy back across time before the SS’ Herr Franz Kohler arrived on the scene.

Meanwhile in a London hotel dining room, the Greek god Zeus was enjoying a feast fit for a king when the ghost of William Shakespeare came up to him and whispered in his ear, “Thou has just been cuckholded.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Thursday April 30th 
2020.

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Carson Cody Albion and The Zombies of 1950s Havana

January 26, 2020 at 11:59 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Carson Cody Albion and The Zombies of 1950s Havana

The year was 1956.

Fidel Castro and Ernesto Che Guevara were busy working on their plans to topple the Cuban government of President Fulgencio Batista.

Britain, France and Israel would attack Egypt over the Suez Canal.

And John George Diefenbaker would win the leadership of the Canadian Federal Progressive Conservative Party.

The last good leader the Federal Progressive Conservatives would ever have.

And the last good Prime Minister Canada would ever have.

So naturally he was a threat to the Canadian establishment and elites as well as the U.S. State Department.

The State Department got global bankers and investors to sabotage the value of the Canadian dollar during the 1963 Canadian election campaign so Diefenbaker would be blamed for it and lose the election.

Which is what happened.

Canadian Federal Liberal Party leader Lester Bowles (should really have been spelled Bowels) Pearson became Prime Minister of Canada in 1963 and eventually paved the way for Marxist-Leninist Cultural Marxist Pierre Elliot Trudeau (should really be spelled Turdeau) to become Prime Minister in 1968 and to set forth plans for the destruction of Canada as a great nation.

The destruction became complete when Progressive Conservative Party leader Brian Mulroney (should really be spelled Bulroney) was elected Prime Minister of Canada in 1984.

Bulroney was so obnoxious, he drove the Federal Progressive Conservative Party of Canada to extinction to be replaced by the Reform Party later Canadian Alliance Party and later just plain Conservative Party of Canada.

So Diefenbaker was Canada’s last great hope before the onset of political zombies (mindless living dead corpses who went around eating brains) on to the Canadian political landscape which governed the country ever since.

And speaking of zombies, Cuban casinos were having a problem with zombies in that year of 1956.

Zombies were entering the casinos and frightening customers.

As well as stealing cash from the casino safes and safety deposit boxes.

A meeting of Cuban casino owners was held in the Glowing Sun and Burning Sands Whorehouse in Havana to discuss the problem.

A follow up meeting was held in the city’s Sexually Transmitted Diseases Clinic waiting room.

It was agreed to call in Los Angeles Private Eye Carson Cody Albion to investigate the problem.

Albion was recommended to the Havana Casino Owners group by a Monte Carlo casino owner (who had employed Albion as a house detective in a Monte Carlo casino and hotel the year before).

Albion arrived in Havana the following week.

After spending an evening drinking Cuba Libres in a Havana bar with a couple of interesting fellows named Fidel and Che, Carson Cody Albion set to work on the case.

Meanwhile in an Anglican Church in Havana that served British and Commonwealth diplomatic staff at the city’s embassies, an intensely stupid looking man with fish eyes and weird looking silver hair (that would have easily given Donald Trump’s urine golden coloured toupee a run for its money) sat playing the organ.

The man’s name was Keith Bennett.

Although that wasn’t the man’s real name.

His real name was Armilius Wolfstein a Nazi scientist (but not a very bright Nazi scientist unlike many of the evil geniuses of the Third Reich) who served as a somewhat dim witted assistant to the evil and notorious Dr. Josef Mengele.

Armilius Wolfstein fled to Argentina when the Second World War ended.

Wolfstein had had an interesting history.

He lived in Munich in the 1920s where he had tried unsuccessfully to apply to various universities and post-secondary institutions in the city.

He landed a job as a commercial and advertising salesman for a newspaper and magazine publishing firm in the city.

He had a friend Kitz Mjolnir (like the hammer of Thor) who lived in Munich.

When Kitz’s father died and the Mjolnir family estate was sold, Kitz had taken a small preliminary payout from the Estate to move to Berlin where he hoped to get into that city’s burgeoning film industry.

Armilius Wolfstein had told Kitz that if he ever needed help or decided to move back to Munich to get in touch with him and he’d move an arm and a leg to help him out.

While Kitz was in Berlin, his father’s Estate lawyer in Munich, either due to being a crook or due to gross incompetence, had absconded with most of the Estate funds.

Kitz was now left with nothing.

Unable to pursue his chance of a film career in Berlin and unable to land a job, Kitz returned to Bavaria.

But to the city of Regensburg.

Having trouble settling down in Regensburg, Kitz decided to move back to Munich but would need help finding a place.

He recalled Armilius Wolfstein’s offer to help so wrote him a letter.

Being the pompous asshole that Armilius Wolfstein was, Wolfstein had replied to Kitz with an arrogant and condescending letter.

Kitz thought of writing a letter in which he’d tell Wolfstein that he (Wolfstein) was so full of shit that if they gave him an enema before he died, they could bury him in a cigar box.

But he decided not to waste time in replying to such a venereal disease infested piece of rubbish.

So having stabbed a friend in the back, Wolfstein went on to join the German National Socialist Workers’ Party (the Nazis).

. . .

When the Nazis succeeded in taking power in Germany in 1933, Wolfstein like numerous misfits across the country was able to land a job by acting as a total brown shirted brown noser to the Nazi Party and moved into a position of importance, power and prestige.

He became a lab assistant to Dr. Josef Mengele although he bragged to friends and acquaintances that he was a scientist.

He assisted Mengele in performing the various inhumane experiments that the Nazis’ Dr. Death performed on individuals belonging to groups that the Third Reich had deemed and labelled as subhuman.

During those experiments, Wolfstein had occasionally run into an individual known as Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.

When the war ended in 1945, Armilius Wolfstein had fled to Argentina.

There he changed his name to Keith Bennett and claimed to be an English expatriate living in Argentina.

Bennett had taken up the study of music and became an organist (although in fact he played the instrument very badly).

Whilst living in Buenos Aires, he came across a Spanish language edition of The Necronomicon (mentioned in Lovecraftian lore) and getting help with the translation from a professional Argentinian wrestler, Bennett started using dark arts sorcery to raise the dead.

It was while he was doing this, that Keith Bennett (the former Armilius Wolfstein) once again encountered Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau.

Kohler then took Bennett (as he now called himself) to Haiti to study under Haitian voodoo practitioners in raising the dead.

Bennett posed as an Anglican lay missionary while in Haiti.

No one thought of asking what an Anglican lay missionary was doing in learning voodoo, raiding cemeteries and cultivating plantations of zombies.

Although Bennett in the 1950s was doing what the later Anglican Communion of the 1960s would be doing when such notables as U.S. Episcopalian Bishop James Pike would be busy consulting spiritist mediums such as Arthur Ford on television.

Pike would go on to die a horrible and mysterious death in a desert in Israel for his efforts.

But that would not be the fate of Keith Bennett, Anglican lay missionary.

Having mastered the art of zombie raising, Bennett was then taken by Franz Kohler to Havana, Cuba.

There Bennett would start raising Cubans from the dead.

Kohler was hoping to raise an army of Cuban zombies to attack Florida and establish a Nazi Fourth Reich beachhead on the United States of America.

But like the best laid plans of mice and men, the best laid plans of Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau officers often go astray as well.

Two men named Fidel and Ernesto were planning a Communist revolution in Cuba.

So what would Cuba end up being?

A Communist state?

Or the Caribbean launching grounds for a Neo-Nazi Fourth Reich?

In fact it would be neither Franz Kohler and the asinine Keith Bennett nor Fidel Castro and Ernesto Che Guevara who would throw the deciding and winning pair of dice in which way the winds of change on the Caribbean island of Cuba would blow.

That would be decided by Carson Cody Albion Private Eye.

. . .

Albion was lying in bed after spending the last several hours making out with Dolly Castro (a cousin of Fidel and Raoul).

There was a pounding at the door.

It was the hotel and casino manager.

“Zombies,” shouted the hotel manager, “zombies have crashed the hotel’s dirty dancing competition and one of them has carried away the U.S. Ambassador’s niece.”

“Wow, someone certainly hasn’t been having the time of their life,” Albion opened the door.

“You’ve got to come quickly,” the manager said.

“That’s the opposite of what Dolly has been telling me all evening,” Albion remarked.

“The U.S. Ambassador’s niece is in danger,” the manager cried.

“I guess you don’t want the U.S. Ambassador’s niece dirty dancing with a zombie,” Albion followed the manager down the hallway.

. . .

The zombie was dragging the Ambassador’s niece into the house owned by Keith Bennett Anglican lay missionary and badly playing organist.

“I’ve never felt this way before,” the Ambassador’s niece cried.

The zombie (whose name had been Patrick in his mortal life) was busy swaying or swayzing in the Caribbean breeze on this moonlit Havana night.

Within seconds, salt pellets being fired by a machine gun sprayed the zombie killing him instantly.

For of course blessed salt kills zombies.

Albion picked up the U.S. Ambassador’s niece and carried her to his red convertible.

Screams could be heard from inside the house.

Just as Keith Bennett was playing The Old Master Painter on his organ.

Albion returned to the house with his machine gun containing 400 rounds of salt pellets, kicked in the door and began firing.

Franz Kohler’s army of zombies began dropping like flies.

Bennett reached for his own revolver to shoot at Albion.

The former Nazi pseudo-scientist turned Anglican lay minister and incompetent organist had his head blown off by Che Guevara’s machine gun as the young revolutionary came charging through the backdoor.

“Brains, brains,” a dying zombie tried to lick up what was oozing out of Bennett’s gaping head wound.

“No brains,” were the zombie’s last words before he died.

“Nice shooting,” said Albion.

“Thanks,” Che smiled, “I always have this recurring nightmare about being killed in a shoot out in the mountains of Bolivia.”

“You don’t want that to happen,” Albion noted.

“So, where are you going now?” Guevara asked.

“Out to my convertible to entertain Uncle Sam’s niece,” Albion answered.

“Really?” Guevara had a twinkle in his eye, “Do you know what Chairman Mao Tse-tung’s favourite quotation is?”.

“Can’t say that I do,” Albion admitted, “I’ve never read his Little Red Book.

“His favourite quotation,” Che winked, “is screw the U.S. Imperialists.”

“An excellent idea,” Albion smiled and walked out towards his car on this warm Havana night.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 22nd
2020.

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The Hoover-Orsic Transcripts

December 20, 2019 at 11:35 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic romance, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Hoover-Orsic Transcripts

“I never thought it would be so much fun burglaring J. Edgar Hoover’s office at the FBI Building in Washington DC,” the ghost of Orson Welles remarked to Dracul Van Helsing.

Using a miniature time tunnel that Dr. Cadbury Rocher was working on at Set Enterprises in London, the pair had temporarily travelled back in time to Washington DC in 1939.

What sent the certainly unusual dynamic duo on their mission was a message that Dracul Van Helsing had received from Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Whitstable was currently in the German capital Berlin investigating an attempt to open up the unmarked grave of Nazi SS officer Reinhard Heydrich.

The Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau vampire Franz Kohler and Gavin Brown a voodoo practitioner with ties to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation were the ones responsible for trying to dig up Heydrich’s grave.

The attempt ended after the grave digging gang of six men were attacked by a flock of pigeons.

Whitstable in his investigation had discovered that Franz Kohler believed the transcripts of a secret meeting between J. Edgar Hoover and Maria Orsic of the occultic Vril Society that took place in Washington DC in 1939 had been buried with Heydrich’s remains.

A computerized laser examination of Heydrich’s grave yesterday using technology developed by Dr. Cadbury Rocher had shown there were no documents in Heydrich’s casket.

But now Whitstable was curious as to why Kohler wanted a copy of those transcripts.

Whitstable discovered that the meeting between Maria Orsic and J. Edgar Hoover had taken place on December 18th 1939.

Whitstable relayed that information to Van Helsing.

Seeing as how Dr. Rocher wanted a test for his time tunnel, he offered to send Van Helsing to J. Edgar Hoover’s office 80 years ago today.

And Van Helsing could steal Hoover’s copy of the transcripts.

The ghost of Orson Welles (who along with the ghost of Winston Churchill was serving as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) offered to go along with Van Helsing for the ride.

And so now here they were searching through Hoover’s drawers (his file drawers that is!) trying to find any transcripts of a meeting between Hoover and the Vril Society medium Maria Orsic.

“Gentlemen,” said the Norse goddess Freya as she sat in Hoover’s office smoking a cigarette, “I presume you’re looking for the transcripts of the meeting between Mr. Hoover and Miss Orsic?”.

“We are,” Van Helsing answered.

“Well then follow me,” Freya got up and walked over to another part of the office.

“With pleasure,” Van Helsing replied as he followed her.

“Oh, to be mortal again,” Welles’ ghost sighed.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Friday December 20th
2019.

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Lepardia Marango Plans To Save Renfield’s Life While Andrew Cuomo Sacrifices A Groundhog For Groundhog Day

February 2, 2019 at 11:52 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Lepardia Marango the cultural attache at the South African Embassy in London in a Film Noir genre style photo shoot with the ghost of classic filmmaker Orson Welles

Lepardia Marango was officially the cultural attache at the South African Embassy in London.

Unofficially she was a spy for the foreign branch of South Africa's intelligence service.

Today she was being a model for the ghost of Orson Welles who was doing a Film Noir genre style photo shoot using colour film photography.

Most of the great Film Noir movies of the 1940s and 1950s were shot in black and white although a few were shot in colour.

The 1982 film Blade Runner which could be seen as a Film Noir movie, classic 1940s style detective tale and futuristic sci-fi thriller combined in one was shot in colour.

As was the 1997 film L.A. Confidential (which was sort of a combination Film Noir genre style movie and classic early 1950s style crime police drama) shot in colour.

Now Welles' ghost was trying his spectral hand at shooting a Film Noir himself in colour.

Welles had recently been in Chicago caught in the polar vortex snow storm from Hell that had been caused by the Norse goddess called Hel.

But he got tired of being a spectator at tantric sex encounters where Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was busy making out with various vampiresses, goddesses and women mystics.

So Welles returned to his current earthly home in London, England (Welles had been granted dispensational leave from Purgatory by Hades and Persephone the rulers of the Underworld in order to be able to serve as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill).

When the photo shoot was over, Lepardia Marango returned to her apartment.

While there, she received a text message from the South African cultural attache in Moscow (who was also a spy for the foreign branch of South Africa's intelligence service).

Apparently the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva was in London where she was planning to assasinate British MP Renfield R. Renfield at a darts tournament at the Clytemnestra's Revenge and Agamemnon's Bathtub Pub and Beef House in London.

The plot had been arranged by Russia's Vladimir Putin, Turkey's Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Pakistan's Imran Khan (whom Renfield had threatened to blow his testicles off with a .44 Magnum unless Asia Bibi was allowed to leave Pakistan) and Svetlana had been selected to carry it out.

Lepardia entered the pub where she shouted "Stop!" causing Renfield to miss his shot and lose the tournament but saving his life.

. . .

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was in upstate New York where he would be sacrificing a live groundhog to show the world what a kind and compassionate person he was.

Joining him in the furry little weather prognosticator's sacrifice was Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam who mercifully was wearing a paper bag over his head so no one would recognize him now that his racist Ku Klux Klan college photo from 1984 had gone viral.

The groundhog was sacrificed in front of a statue of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft.

Hecate: To whose statue the poor little groundhog was sacrificed

After the sacrifice, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo received a text message from Pope Francis where the pontiff bestowed on the leading Democratic Party politician a special apostolic blessing.

Not far from the Bishop of Rome stood Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal who, along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar and the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, had taken over the Vatican back on October 13th 2017.

Allatallahbel the vampiress priestess of Baal who had recently dyed her hair red in honour of the recent Super Blood Wolf Moon.

"Well," Allatallahbel laughed, "It doesn't look like Vitae (which was the name of the little groundhog in Sleepy Hollow in upstate New York- editor's note) will be around to enjoy either a late spring or an early spring."

. . .


The Austro-Croatian mystic Maria Orsic calls out to Dracul Van Helsing in her hotel room in the Mysterious Goddess Hotel in Chicago,
"Once more for new time's sake please, Mr. Van Helsing."

. . .

Meanwhile in Nairobi Kenya, the Kenyan vampire huntress Megan Shimbiro had been informed that the Nazi vampire Franz Kohler undead and very very very late of the Ahnenerbe Nazi SS Occult Bureau was up to some sort of nefarious activity in Kenya.


The Kenyan vampire huntress Megan Shimbiro on the lookout for the Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the Ahnenerbe Nazi SS Occult Bureau.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 2nd
2019.

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