Renfield Meets Captain Kerry Donegal In The Oscar Wilde Pub

May 28, 2019 at 10:02 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in a newly opened London pub called The Oscar Wilde.

He was planning his strategy to have his friend the Kraken Napoleon VI elected the new President of the European Union Commission.

Seeing as how German Chancellor Angela Merkel and French President Emmanuel Macron were in disagreement as to who should be the new EU Commission President, this allowed an opportunity for a rogue Brit like himself to put a Kraken into that position.

Seeing as how this was The Oscar Wilde Pub, Renfield decided to order himself a glass of absinthe as this was the favourite drink of such notorious writers and poets as Oscar Wilde and Charles Baudelaire and artist/painters such as Henri Toulouse-Lautrec and Amedeo Modigliano.

Seeing as how Renfield was neither an American Jesuit priest nor a leading U.S. Democratic Party politician nor a Hollywood bigwig, he ignored the fact that absinthe was also drunk by such satanic low-lifes as Aleister Crowley.

After 21 glasses of absinthe, Renfield was able to see spirits so as soon as the ghost of the 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean Captain Kerry Donegal walked through the door, the MP invited him to sit down.

They introduced themselves to another and gave their respective backgrounds.

“So,” Renfield ordered another glass of absinthe, “you’re the pirate’s ghost that my psychic lobster friend Michelangelo saw ride that supposedly riderless horse Bodexpress at the Preakness Stakes?”.

“That was me all right,” the ghostly pirate blushed adding a little rouge to his overly white complexion, “I came in second from last.”

“We all have our embarassing moments,” Renfield recalled the lovely actress Gong Li turning him down for a date after he had asked her out in a crowded elevator.

“So how’s your political career going?” Captain Kerry Donegal asked.

“Well if Boris Johnson wins the leadership of the British Conservative Party in July and becomes Prime Minister of Britain,” Renfield ordered a tuna fish sandwich, “I’ll probably become Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering and my parliamentary colleague and fellow Transhumanist MP the Welsh vampiress Morgana will probably become Deputy Home Secretary In Charge of Midnight Security.”

“Well, congratulations,” the pirate captain drank a toast in ghostly extra spirited absinthe.

“Still, I mustn’t count my chickens before they’re hatched,” Renfield helped himself to a plate of deviled eggs, “so what are your plans for the future?”.

“I haven’t quite decided,” Captain Kerry Donegal answered, “I moved out of 10 Downing Street last night after Prime Minister Theresa May invited me to watch the 1947 film The Ghost and Mrs. Muir starring Gene Tierney and Rex Harrison with her. After watching the film, I came to the conclusion that Mrs. May wanted to have a romantic affair with me so I left.”

“Yes, singing My Fair Lady to Gene Tierney isn’t so bad,” Renfield admitted, “singing it to Theresa May is another matter entirely.”

“By Liza, rather than sitting in the saddle to do little, I should have said to Bodexpress, move your bloomin’ ass,” the pirate captain reflected.

“And speaking of my fair lady, here comes my parliamentary colleague Morgana,” Renfield, after 23 glasses of absinthe, ran up to kiss her as she entered the pub.

“Why you predatory sexually harassing lecherous pervert,” Morgana said to him before kicking him out the door with one of her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

“Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder,” were Renfield’s last words before succumbing to unconsciousness on the outdoor sidewalk.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 28th
2019.


Welsh vampiress Morgana: Not one to mess with

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Theresa May Announces Her Resignation On Queen Victoria’s 200th Birthday

May 24, 2019 at 8:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The date was May 24th 2019.

It was Queen Victoria’s 200th birthday.

And British Prime Minister Theresa May stood in front of 10 Downing Street in London and announced that she would be resigning as British Conservative Party leader effective June 7th 2019.

From then on, she would carry on as a caretaker Prime Minister until the British Conservative Party elected a new leader in July.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield met in a pub not far from the Westminster Parliament with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont to discuss the resignation.

“I didn’t think she’d announce her resignation until next month,” Amadeus commented as he worked on his 3rd plate of the pub’s steak and kidney pie.

“Neither did I,” Renfield sipped his pint of brown ale, “I’ve been told that the Prime Minister decided to resign after apparently looking at an oil painting of an 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean that former Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson had given her as a gift.”

“That must have been one Hell of a picture,” Angelique remarked.

“It must have been,” Renfield admitted.

“So, who do you think will replace her?” Amadeus asked as he ordered a 4th piece of steak and kidney pie.

“Well, the London bookmakers seemed to favour Boris Johnson,” Renfield ate his rice pudding, “and the fact that the pro-globalist and pro-New World Order The Economist Magazine came out against Boris Johnson as Prime Minister is another plus in his favour. For what’s bad for The Economist is good for Britain. And what’s bad for Britain is good for The Economist.”

“I’ve noticed that The Economist has never had anything positive to say about you,” Amadeus ordered himself another Shirley Temple children’s cocktail.

“Which is why I rest my case on the matter,” Renfield washed down the last of his brown ale.

Meanwhile at 10 Downing Street, the residence’s staff were putting up a painting of Captain Kerry Donegal in the main hall.

A temporary location until Mrs. May moved out of 10 Downing Street.

“It’s like staring into a mirror,” the ghost of the pirate Captain Kerry Donegal remarked as he looked at the painting.

“Good God!” Mrs. May exclaimed as she walked down the hall.

It turned out that unbeknownst to herself until now, the Prime Minister had the psychic ability to see ghosts of pirates.

Mrs. May went weak at the knees and fainted.

As she lay on the floor she dreamed of a Harlequin historical romance novel book cover in which she appeared held in the arms of a pirate with an open shirt and a muscular hairless chest.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen Mrs. May look happy all day,” 10 Downing Street’s head butler remarked.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 24th
2019.

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Dashwood Forrest Meets Captain Kerry Donegal

May 22, 2019 at 9:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Dashwood Forrest was in his art gallery putting the finishing touches in hanging paintings for a new exhibition that would soon be opening.

“A remarkable likeness,” said the ghost of Captain Kerry Donegal who had just walked in off the street.

Forrest, who was somewhat psychically sensitive, turned to gaze at the speaker and noticed how much he resembled the figure in the painting.

“Captain Jack Sparrow!” Forrest gasped.

“Actually the name is Captain Kerry Donegal!” The pirate bowed, “But a few other people with the ability to see me around London have called me by that name.”

Former British Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson entered the gallery at that moment.

“Hello, Dashwood,” Johnson walked right through Kerry Donegal’s ghost since he couldn’t see him, “my sources tell me that you have a painting of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow for sale.”

“I’ve just been told by an expert that it’s Captain Kerry Donegal,” Forrest mentioned.

“Well, whoever,” Johnson looked at the painting, “I’ve just been told on the highest authority that British Prime Minister Theresa May goes into orgasm whenever she sees a handsome looking pirate. No wonder the boys in Brussels were able to sweep her off her feet and get a Brexit deal to their liking and not to Britain’s. Although I’ve been told by an old school chum of mine that the boys in Brussels aren’t all that handsome. I wonder why he’d take note of that. Fills one with trepidation when I recall we shared a locker together in the school gymnasium’s shower and changing room.”

“You want to buy this painting for Theresa May?” The flower dropped out of Dashwood Forrest’s lapel.

“Yes,” Johnson nodded, “as a good-bye present. The old girl is undoubtedly on her way out. She’ll undoubtedly fail in her 4th attempt to get a Brexit deal passed through Parliament. Hell, even Renfield R. Renfield’s British Transhumanist Party is now ahead of the British Conservatives in the opinion polls for the upcoming European Parliament elections. I’m not sure how much more humiliation she can take. So she’ll probably resign soon. I’m sure this painting of a pirate captain will lift her spirits as she exits 10 Downing Street while I’m on my way in.”

“Hasn’t this fellow ever heard that expression, Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched?” Captain Kerry Donegal asked in a thick Irish brogue.

“Did you feel a breeze just then?” Johnson looked around.

“Come to the office and I’ll write you up a Bill of Sale,” said Forrest.

“I’m sure it was this question of the Irish backdoor that did her in on Brexit,” Johnson remarked.

“Don’t you mean the Irish backstop?” Forrest asked.

“Oh yes, of course,” Johnson nodded, “why did I have Irish backdoor on my mind?” .

He once again walked through Captain Kerry Donegal’s ghost as the pirate was bending over to pick up his sword.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 22nd
2019.

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Pirate’s Ghost Attends Volodymyr Zelensky’s Inauguration

May 20, 2019 at 9:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The ghost of Captain Kerry Donegal the little known (save to a certain Oxford historian and his grad students) 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean was walking the streets of Kiev in Ukraine.

He was here to attend the inauguration of Volodymyr Zelensky as Ukraine’s new President.

As a pirate’s ghost, he had only recently been released from Purgatory.

The decision to release him came in a teleconferencing call between the Greek gods Hades, Poseidon and Zeus.

Hades as the god of the Underworld had Purgatory under his jurisdiction.

However the section of Purgatory that Captain Kerry Donegal was in was Davy Jones’ Locker over which Poseidon also held jurisdiction.

As Poseidon walked along the beaches of Tel Aviv, Israel (where the sea god passed Miranda the mermaid while he was holding his seashell phone to his ear) the three Olympians agreed on Captain Donegal’s release.

Normally Pope Francis as the successor of Simon Peter (to whom Christ had given the keys of Heaven, Hell and Purgatory) was supposed to have some say on the matter but since Francis did not believe in the existence of 2 out of 3 of those places, he had abdicated all responsibility on the matter to Hades back in 2014.

Captain Kerry Donegal wasn’t too sure why his release from Purgatory and Davy Jones’ Locker was so important to Zeus but it had something to do with Zeus wanting to release his own personal kraken on the world.

And Captain Donegal had died as a result of being strangled by a kraken.

Albeit as far as he knew, the kraken who strangled him wasn’t Zeus’ personal kraken.

Since arriving on the world above Purgatory and Davy Jones’ Locker, Captain Donegal had ridden a horse called Bodexpress at the Preakness Stakes in Baltimore, Maryland when the horse’s jockey had fallen off and the pirate’s ghost decided to jump on the horse and ride the rest of the way.

The pirate and Bodexpress had come in 2nd from last in the race although technically speaking, Bodexpress was officially listed as Did Not Finish.

The pirate captain blamed his poor finish on not having ridden a horse since the days of his wild youth in Ireland.

Captain Donegal had been in Baltimore, Maryland trying to locate a man named Edgar Allan Poe since a Haitian fortune teller had once told him that a man named Poe who lived in the city would someday be able to help him.

Captain Donegal discovered to his horror that Poe had apparently died almost 170 years earlier and in his shock had suddenly found himself on the Pimlico Race Course with a bunch of horses charging right through him.

He leapt on Bodexpress when Bodexpress’ rider had fallen off at the start of the race.

And now Captain Kerry Donegal found himself in Kiev, Ukraine.

He wasn’t quite sure how he got here but he was here.

The last he remembered was being in a Baltimore pub after the race but no one had taken his order (namely because they couldn’t see him).

He had heard in the pub that Ukraine would be holding a Presidential inauguration today and Captain Donegal recalled that a Cossack pirate who had served on his ship The Not So Green Shamrock had come from Ukraine.

He decided to visit the place and lo and behold he was here.

He watched as Ukraine’s new leader Volodymyr Zelensky took the oath of office.

But what he particularly enjoyed was watching two vampiresses (although he didn’t know they were vampiresses) wrestling with one another after the inauguration.

Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak was battling it out with Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva on behalf of their respective countries.

All he needed now, Captain Kerry Donegal thought to himself, was a good bottle of rum as he watched.

There was nothing he enjoyed more than a good catfight.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 20th
2019.


Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak wishes reader George F. a pleasant evening.

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Riderless Horse Bodexpress: What Does This Bode For The World?

May 18, 2019 at 9:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sports, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield and his friend Amadeus Emanon were watching the Preakness Stakes live from the Pimlico Race Course in Baltimore, Maryland.

They were surprised to see a horse named Bodexpress throw its rider the jockey John Velazquez off at the start of the running of the 144th Preakness Stakes and continue running the race of the race riderless.

Bodexpress came in 2nd from last in the race although technically he got a Did Not Finish even though he ran an extra loop around the track prior to being caught by outriders.

“How will this bode for the world when a riderless horse named Bodexpress crosses the finish line?” Amadeus wondered aloud, “It certainly gives one a sense of foreboding in what is to come.”

“It does indeed,” Renfield remarked as he fed his four goldfish he called the Four Goldfish of The Apocalypse.

Amadeus switched to another channel.

The channel showed Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders giving a campaign speech somewhere, “I think three-year-olds should be allowed to choose their own gender.”

“It sounds like there must be plenty of legalized Canadian cannabis crossing the border across Quebec into Vermont,” Renfield commented.

The phone rang.

Renfield picked it up.

He put it back down.

“Who was that?” Amadeus helped himself to another nacho.

“That was Miranda Singh from Set Enterprises,” Renfield answered, “Apparently Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster watched that horse race and he typed on his waterproof iPad with his lobster claws that the ghost of a pirate jumped on Bodexpress after his jockey fell off and rode that horse the rest of the race as well as the extra lap around.”

“The ghost of a pirate?” Amadeus was shocked.

“Yes, the ghost of a pirate,” Renfield nodded.

“I wonder what this means for the world?” Amadeus dipped his nacho chip in salsa.

“It means the ghost of that pirate isn’t a very successful jockey,” Renfield deduced in Sherlockian fashion.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 18th
2019.

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