Renfield’s Idea For The Return of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

December 31, 2014 at 5:23 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Espionage, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield’s Idea For The Return of Dr. Cadbury Rocher

Renfield angrily threw down his copy of The U.S. Senate Report on CIA Torture In Interrogations that he had just finished reading.

“What a bunch of wimps, wusses, pussies and pansies the CIA actually are,” Renfield remarked, “it’s a wonder they found out any information at all using such namby pamby methods.”

“No wonder they eventually brought you in as a consultant for you to show them how it’s done,” Amadeus commented without looking up from the book he was reading.

“That’s very true,” Renfield grinned.

Amadeus yawned.

“I of course expect to be knighted by the Queen for my efforts in battling Islamist terrorism this year,” Renfield stuck his chest out.

“Well don’t hold your breath,” Amadeus flipped a page, “otherwise you’ll die for lack of oxygen.”

“The boss is still ticked about his top scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher now working for his archenemy and rival Isis,” Renfield decided to change the subject.

“No, Set Enterprises hasn’t been the same without Dr. Rocher,” Amadeus agreed.

“Of course what brought about the rift was the $2 billion that was slashed from Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s laboratory research budget,” Renfield noted.

“That’s right,” Amadeus helped himself to a stick of black licorice.

“But as you know I recently sold the cyborg Sophia back to Vladimir Putin (which he gave me as a gift a few years ago) for the handy sum of $7 billion U.S. thus making myself a nice $7 billion profit,” Renfield smiled.

“Yes, you’ve endlessly droned on about it for almost the past month,” Amadeus flipped another page of his book.

“Anyhow,” Renfield went on, ” in order to make the boss happy, I’ve decided to give $2 billion of that to the Set Enterprises laboratories’ research budget in order to make Dr. Cadbury Rocher happy and bring him back to work for the Boss again.”

“Your generosity exceeds that of the redeemed Ebenezer Scrooge,” Amadeus took a sip of his eggnog.

Renfield, totally obvious to the fact that Amadeus had discovered the art of sarcasm a few months ago, replied with a wide grin, “I know. Dr. Cadbury Rocher won’t be able to refuse my $2 billion offer. As Ron Jeremy once said, ‘Walk softly and carry a big stick’.”

“That wasn’t Ron Jeremy,” Amadeus looked up from his book on Lives Of The U.S. Presidents, “that was Teddy Roosevelt.”

“Teddy Roosevelt was a porn star?” Renfield sounded genuinely shocked.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 22nd
2014.

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Of Androids and Koalas

November 15, 2014 at 11:57 pm (Entertainment, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, Movies, News, Religion, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Of Androids And Koalas

Pope Francis picked up the phone on this Saturday evening of November 15th 2014 to make another one of his surprise phone calls to ordinary people.

The man he was calling was a journalist and a writer and Francis wished to discuss an article that the man had written.

The man answered the phone but it turned out that the 1939 film Of Mice and Men (based on the novella by John Steinbeck) was on TV and it was just starting and he didn’t want to miss it so he said to Francis, “Some other time, Your Holiness” and hung up the phone.

Francis had to chuckle.

As he put the phone down, it rang again.

Francis picked it up.

It was a Vatican museum curator calling.

Apparently they had just found in one of their hundreds of thousands of crates the actual robotic automaton called Androides that had been invented, built and designed by Saint Albertus Magnus (Saint Albert the Great born 1193? – died 1280) one of the greatest philosophers and scientists of the High Middle Ages.

Most Church historians had just thought the story of Albertus Magnus building the automaton Androides was a medieval legend.

Now it turned out to be true.

Pope Francis then looked at the date on the calendar again.

November 15th.

Albertus Magnus’ automaton creation had been found on the Feast Day of Saint Albertus Magnus.

. . .

American CIA agent Bob Belfor (whose family owned a property restoration business) was in Brisbane Australia at the G-20 Summit.

Belfor was on a rogue operation.

He had been hired to assassinate Russian President Vladimir Putin at the summit.

So now Belfor was outside the place in Brisbane where the Russian leader was staying.

He was using the camera on an iPad tablet to record the event and send it via the Internet to his superiors as it happened.

A koala bear was climbing up the side of the building and carrying a gun at the same time.

“I trained the koala myself,” Belfor spoke into the iPad mic.

Belfor was lying to impress his superiors of course (the koala was really the shapeshifting genetically created half-man half goat satyr serial killer and hired U.S. government assassin Pan Goatee who had shapeshifted into a koala for the occasion).

The koala entered through the window of Putin’s room.

He was immediately kicked out of the room and thrown out the window by the Russian leader’s red headed female cyborg Sophia who was acting as Putin’s bodyguard.

“The best laid plans of mice and men,” Belfor wept as the koala hit the street, “they often go astray.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday November 15th
2014.

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