Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Jong and Star of Azazel Rises In The Middle East

September 17, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee Strikes Again, Joe Biden’s Increasing Senility, Cthulhu Rises Over Hong Kong and Star of Azazel Rises In Middle East

Pan Goatee was walking back from the shopping centre when he suddenly encountered 4 people walking down the sidewalk.

He noticed 3 somewhat attractive girls and another person he assumed was male.

However when he got closer, he noticed the person he thought was male was actually a hideously repulsively ugly female gargoyle.

Goatee promptly beheaded the gargoyle and cut her up into 666 trillion pieces for good measure.

Goatee then beheaded the 3 attractive looking girls remarking, “If you’re going to be walking around with someone that ugly, there is no doubt that that ugliness is probably highly contagious.”

He moved with a swiftness that would have done a WHO (World Health Organization) Crisis Epidemic Action Team proud in the way he quickly contained the potential ugliness epidemic.

. . .

BBC News Announcer on Headlines News: U.S. Democratic Presidential Candidate Joe Biden (who may or may not be senile to paraphrase an expression often used in conversations between a vampire novelist and a science-fiction writer) shocked the media and campaign audiences last week with his whopper of a tall tale on how he encountered his first black person.
According to Mr. Biden’s incoherent ramblings on that day, he encountered his first black person while working as a white life guard in a blacks only swimming pool.
Today Mr. Biden told the media and audiences that he encountered his first Chinese person while eating Chinese food in a Chinese restaurant. He added that he encountered his first gay person when he was sodomized in the rear end in an all male Health Club sauna room…

. . .

Some of the pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong were becoming more violent thanks to Cthulhu’s leadership efforts.
On the other side, the Black Dragon (supernatural entity advisor to China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping) was encouraging pro-Beijing one China civilian hoodlums to attack and club peaceful pro-democracy protestors while the Hong Kong police stood around and watched while consuming vast quantities of coffee and donuts prior to going back and shooting tear gas and rubber bullets at protestors.

Cthulhu thought it would only be a matter of time before Beijing actively intervened.

Therefore for his own part, he was hoping to get the U.S. military involved in the Hong Kong conflict.

But how?

Cthulhu had a video conferencing call with the demon Mephistopheles who had a great deal of influence in the Trump Administration.

Cthulhu hoped to bring Mephistopheles on board into getting the U.S. military involved in the Battle for Hong Kong.


Mephistopheles: Having a video conferencing call with Cthulhu the Great Old One from the Nemo Point of the South Pacific

. . .

The demon Asmodeus was sitting in a lox cream and bagel shop in Tel Aviv watching the Israeli election results come in.

“It looks like another minority government,” the chain smoking Asmodeus remarked to the Norse trickster god Loki who was eating a plate of lutefisk.

“That would appear to be the case,” Loki was now vaping an e-cigarette lethally laced with a combination of Canadian marijuana and Jim Beam doused Australian cactus plant.

“So who do you think is responsible for the attack on the Saudi oil refinery this past weekend?” Asmodeus asked Loki, “The Houthis? The Iranians themselves?”.

“Well, the mighty Thor thinks it was an Israeli operation to get Saudi Arabia and the U.S. into waging war on Iran in order to save Benjamin Netanyahu’s sagging political career,” Loki used a large bottle of vodka to wash the lutefisk down.

“Really?” Asmodeus lit himself another dozen cigarettes which he smoked simultaneously.

Meanwhile over Jerusalem, the Netanyahu government was using a great search light to cast the non-Gotham City bat signal into the night sky to summon the mysterious Mossad operative called Star of Azazel.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 17th
2019.

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Vampiress Lilith Discusses 5G and AI With The Demon Asmodeus At Astana Kazakhstan

March 7, 2019 at 11:56 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith on her estate near the Kazakhstan capital of Astana

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was standing in the middle of a forest path near her estate waiting for her ally the demon Asmodeus to show up.

Asmodeus showed up with 10 cigarettes in his mouth, a can of Budweiser beer in his left hand and a copy of The Times of London in his right hand.

“Read anything interesting in The Times of London?” Lilith asked as she picked a serpent off an apple tree.

“Well,” Asmodeus sipped Budweiser and belched, “I see British MP Renfield R. Renfield wrote an article examining Huawei and U.S.-China and Canadian-Chinese relations.”

Lilith bit the serpent’s neck with her vampiric incisors and then proceeded to eat it whole.

“Renfield notes that the Chinese government just cancelled over a billion dollars worth of canola exports from the western Canadian province of Manitoba,” Asmodeus read from the Times editorial page as he spilled beer and cigarette ash all over himself, “Renfield says this is all in retaliation for the Canadian government’s arrest and detention of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou.”

“Of course it is,” Lilith removed some dental floss attached to her thong and used it to floss snake skin from between her teeth and gums.

The little green frog Nimrod (the resurrected king of Babel and mighty hunter against the Lord who found himself turned into a frog as a result of an unfortunate incident some years back) walked into a tree and knocked himself out when he saw Lilith reach all the way down the low-cut top front of her dress to her thong to get the dental floss.

“What Justin Trudeau and the Canadian government fail to realize is that the conflict between the U.S. and China over Huawei is over what country will be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that the Apostle John foresaw on the island of Patmos and mentioned in Chapter 13 of The Apocalypse or Book of Revelation,” Lilith smoothed the front of her dress, “The 5G network is the Internet of Things network that will be used to implement the Mark of The Beast system. Just like developments in AI will bring to fruition the Image of The Beast so 5G will bring the Mark of the Beast to fruition.”

“I never read the Book of Revelation,” Asmodeus coughed a heavy smokers’ cough, “of course I had been bound and imprisoned in Upper Egypt by the Archangel Raphael for the longest period of time.”

“That bastard Raphael,” Lilith’s face turned as fiery as the recent electrical storms over the state of California, “bound and imprisoned my son Azazel (that I had after relations with the fallen angel and Watcher Semjaza) in the desert at Dudael which is east of Jerusalem.”

“China I believe is about 20 years ahead of developing 5G than the U.S. is, isn’t it?” Asmodeus said as he opened a Chinese fortune cookie and read his fortune.

“It is,” Lilith nodded, “when the U.S. finally figured it out and Donald Trump got his toupee caught in a Venus flytrap, then the word went forth from that time and place for the toppling of Huawei. And Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou was on the U.S. government hit list. And Justin Trudeau’s Canada did the dirty work and was left holding the bag.”

“So China is #1 when it comes to the Internet then?” Asmodeus took out his tablet.

“Actually Israel is ahead of China when it comes to the Internet, 5G and AI,” Lilith answered.

“Israel?” Asmodeus swallowed all 10 of his cigarettes in surprise.

“Yes,” Lilith nodded, “For the past dozen years, Israel has quietly become number one in the world when it comes to Internet technology, Internet security, cyberwarfare, 5G and AI. That’s why Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman is seeking an alliance with Israel. If he wants his new economic autonomous zone and technological research and development super city state of NEOM (to be built over the site where Moses received the 10 Commandments from Yahweh) to succeed, he’ll need Israeli expertise and know-how. Thanks to Israeli agencies like Talpiot which is sort of an Israeli equivalent of DARPA, the Rand Institute think tank and the Green Beret Special Forces combined and Unit 8200 of the Israeli Intelligence Corps., Israel leads the way in Third Wave Information Age technology.”

“Then maybe Israel will bring forth the Mark and the Image of the Beast,” Asmodeus suggested as he ate a kosher corned beef sandwich.

“Well according to some kabbalistic groups in Israel, the Messiah is supposed to arrive on the Festival of Purim this year which falls on March 20th to 21st the same time as the Spring equinox in the northern hemisphere,” Lilith pointed out, “and if the Kabbalistic Messiah is the Antichrist of Christian eschatology, the Mark and Image of the Beast system will be ready to go.”

“Hello,” Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing arrived on the scene carrying a personal handwritten message from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to Lilith asking for the release of the Golem of Prague whom the vampiress had recently abducted, “does anyone here know the closest place where I might be able to get some dental floss?”.

Lilith reached down her dress.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 7th
2019.


What occult secrets is the vampiress Lilith hiding under her dress?

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David and Goliath

September 7, 2017 at 5:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , )

David and Goliath

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was having a dream.

He was dreaming that he was David in the Biblical story of David and Goliath.

The giant warrior Goliath of Gath stood there in his armour.

The giant raised his helmet but David (Netanyahu) could not see his face.

A mysterious cloud hovered in front of Goliath’s face.

David (Netanyahu) put his stone in a sling and slung it.

The stone immediately hit Goliath in the forehead.

Goliath (whoever he was whose face was hidden behind the cloud) fell to the ground dead.

Netanyahu awoke and wondered, what did the dream mean?

And who did the figure of Goliath in the dream represent?

. . .

North Korean despot Kim Jong-un went to bed.

He had his teddy bear with him.

The teddy bear wore the hat and clothes and had the facial features and razor sharp long fingernailed glove of his favourite American movie character Freddy Krueger.

One of his aunts had told his parents that she really didn’t think such a teddy bear was appropriate for a child when he first requested it when he was 3 years old.

Kim responded to his aunt’s interference by poisoning her green tea- the first of many deaths he’d arrange throughout his life.

Kim hung on to his teddy bear and sucked his thumb and fell asleep 😴.

He dreamed that he was in a story that a Russian Orthodox priest visiting his dad’s palace in Pyongyang had told him as a small child.

He dreamed that he was some kid from long ago called David.

And a huge giant stood in front of him.

Goliath of Gath was the giant’s name Kim recalled.

The giant’s breastplate bore the colours and Stars and Stripes of the American flag 🇺🇸.

Goliath lifted his helmet and David (Kim) could see the face of Donald Trump.

“Fire and fury,” said the giant.

Behind him the giant’s advisers said, “They don’t have the capability of producing nuclear weapons. Their intercontinental ballistic missiles won’t work.”

A Philistine general said, “We may have to annihilate this small country.”

David (Kim) put the stone (in the shape of an intercontinental ballistic missile carrying an H-bomb warhead) into his sling and slung it.

The stone hit Goliath (Trump) in the middle of the forehead.

Goliath (Trump) fell to the ground dead and a large mushroom cloud went up into the atmosphere as he fell.

Kim Jong-un awakened with a huge smile on his face.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 6th
2017.

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Qonzilqointec Reads Report On Kraken and Medusa

September 10, 2015 at 5:33 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec Reads Report On Kraken and Medusa

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec sat in her silk nightgown and read an email she had received from an MI-6 Agent whose code name was Diablos Nocturna.

She had never met Diablos Nocturna in person but the two had met on-line and had discovered they both had a mutual enemy.

They agreed to share information.

Diablos had sent her a copy of a report that he had received from an Israeli Mossad agent whose code name was The Controller of The Golem.

The report chronicled the movements of a Kraken sized octopus who was skateboarding across the state of Israel.

At his side as he skateboarded across Israel was a beautiful long haired redheaded woman who always wore the most elegant evening dresses and who had the ability to glide inches above the ground as she walked.

The Kraken and the redhead were first spotted at a global courier delivery service in downtown Tel Aviv where the woman arranged to have a dozen shopping bags couriered to her penthouse apartment in London.

They then went up to the Sea of Galilee at the woman’s insistence so that she could walk on water up there.

“I’m giving these people something they haven’t seen in 2000 years,” she said to the Kraken as tourists hastily took pictures with their smart phones.

A divinity professor at Yale who thought all of Christ’s miracles were strictly symbolic and that nobody could actually walk on water died of a heart attack when his daughter emailed him the picture.

He couldn’t fathom the thought of having to revise all his theories and revise all those textbooks he had written.

They then went to Cana of Galilee where the Kraken, wanting to upstage the redhead’s miracle of walking on water, tried to turn pitchers of water into lager beer at an American biker’s outdoor motorcycle wedding.

When the attempted miracle failed abysmally, the Kraken found himself being pursued by a group of angry tattooed motorcycle gang members and their equally angry tattooed brides.

The redhead who called herself Medusa had wisely ascended into the sky and headed off to Jerusalem before the Kraken had even attempted his water into beer wedding miracle.

She had recently seen the Kraken attempt to pull a rabbit out of a silk hat at a Mafia wedding in Sicily and when he had pulled out the local Mafia don’s mistress’ personally monogrammed panties instead, that had not gone over so well.

The Kraken jumped on his skateboard and headed out of town just before sunset as the Hell’s Angels followed on hot pursuit on their motorcycles.

“I don’t recall this ever happening in Lady Gaga’s music video about Judas,” were the Kraken’s last words as he skated past the sign that said You Are Now Leaving Cana of Galilee.

. . .

The redheaded Medusa’s descent on to the Temple Mount on August 27th 2015 (on the 40th Anniversary of Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie’s death in Addis Ababa) frightened away both Orthodox Jewish wailer at the Western Wall and Muslim worshipper on the Temple Mount alike paving the way for the Kraken who called himself Napoleon VI to skateboard on to the Temple Mount on his skateboard bearing the image of former Rastafarian Bob Marley.

The report from the Controller of the Golem that Qonzilqointec was reading bore the notation that the Controller had been immediately summoned by the Office of the Prime Minister of Israel Benjamin Netanyahu to report immediately to a West Jerusalem police station to take a sobriety test.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 27th
2015.

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Diablos Nocturna Detests Vienna Vegan Sausages

July 17, 2015 at 6:32 pm (Commentary, Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Diablos Nocturna Detests Vienna Vegan Sausages

MI-6 Agent Diablos Nocturna was at MI-6 Headquarters with his Canadian CSIS agent liaison Monica Dhaliwal.

For more background on the relationship between Diablos Nocturna and Monica Dhaliwal, please read the following:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2014/09/12/diablos-nocturna-at-the-nato-summit-in-newport-wales/

Diablos and Monica were going through the text of the agreement with Iran on that country’s nuclear program that was reached earlier this week with the UN’s big 5 powers.

As Diablos read through the agreement, he was feeling more and more sympathy for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

He was also wondering in which Oval Office desk drawer the current American President might have possibly misplaced his brains.

“What do you think?” Monica asked Diablos as she smoothed her skirt.

“Well,” Diablos responded, “I remember when Microsoft’s Bill Gates came out with Windows 95 back in 1995, people in the know at the time said, “Windows 95 was Mac ’87”. I think Vienna 2015 is Munich 1938.”

-To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 17th
2015.

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Pan Goatee On The Temple Mount

July 13, 2015 at 8:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee On The Temple Mount

Pan Goatee stood on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

He took out his reed pipes and started playing the melody of the Hitler Youth Movement.

Standing next to him was the German siren Lorelei dressed in a short skirted German Valkyrie warrioress outfit designed for her by Cosplay fashion designer Yaya Han.

As Pan Goatee played on his reed pipes, the Valkyrie siren Lorelei sang,

… “But somewhere a glory awaits unseen
Tomorrow belongs to me…”

… “The morning will come when the world is mine
Tomorrow belongs to me…”

A severed charcoal burnt Black Hand kept time to the music by tapping the pavement on the ground with his fingers at the top of the Temple Mount.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 13th
2015.

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Lilith In Cyprus

February 25, 2015 at 8:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Lilith In Cyprus

The Israeli Mossad agent called the Controller of The Golem was on the island of Cyprus.

Russian President Vladimir Putin had signed an agreement with Cypriot President Nicos Anastasiades to grant Russia’s Navy access to Cypriot ports.

They were also negotiating the possibility of Russia using an air base on Cyprus.

The Controller of The Golem was here because he felt there was more to these negotiations than meets the eye.

As he walked the streets, he noticed a beautiful red-headed woman in a lavender green evening dress.

He immediately recognized her as the ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith.

What he wondered was she doing here?

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday February 25th
2015.

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