Lepardia Marango: The She-Wolf of London

April 21, 2017 at 5:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , )

Lepardia Marango

Lepardia Marango the South African cultural attache at the South African Embassy in London worked part-time as a fashion model in London.

The reason being that she didn’t earn very much money working as a cultural attache for the South African government.

The photographer played music in the background as he shot her picture.

The music was from the radio set to a contemporary popular hits music station in London.

The announcer intoned, “And now for something completely different… a never before heard recording sent to me by a friend and fellow DJ in Kiev… Josef Stalin and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing the Soviet National Anthem… apparently this was Radio Moscow’s greatest hit for December 26th, 1943…”

The photographer who did have a permit for carrying a gun in London used it on the radio.

“I’m sorry for doing that,” the photographer apologized, “but one bit of singing was so bad… no doubt the voice of the late unlamented dictator Josef Stalin, I didn’t really feel like walking over to the radio to turn it off. My ear drums couldn’t have handled the extra seconds to walk over there.”

“That’s all right,” Lepardia smiled, “if you hadn’t done anything, I’d have shapeshifted into a leopard and gone over there and clawed the radio and the voice to smithereens.”

The photographer laughed at Lepardia Marango’s remark totally unaware that she was being serious.

When the shoot was over, Lepardia decided not to change out of the dress she was wearing as she found it quite hip and fashionable for London Spring 2017.

She stepped out on to the sidewalk where she bumped into a man very formally dressed who was wearing a very dark suit, dark tie, white shirt and dark pants.

“Oh, I’m sorry, excuse me,” Lepardia apologized.

“It’s quite all right,” the man bowed, “it’s my fault. I really should be spanked on the bare bottom for not looking where I’m going.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go as far as that…” Lepardia laughed.

“I would,” the man smiled.

“You look familiar,” Lepardia laughed, “are you on television?”.

“I’m Agathor Christie the British Conservative MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds,” the man bowed again.

“A Member of Parliament?” Lepardia frowned, “I once dated a Member of Parliament a few years ago. Worst relationship I had in my life. And he always drank my cartons of buttermilk in my refrigerator and left them empty.”

“What party did he belong to?” Agathor Christie asked.

“Labour,” Lepardia replied.

“Oh, that explains it,” Christie laughed, “For passion, you must date a member of Sir Winston Churchill’s party not Clement Atlee’s. Churchill knew what he was talking about when he said Clement Atlee had a lot to be modest about. After all, they did go to the same public sauna and steam baths in London. And besides, you have my assurance, I wouldn’t drink your buttermilk. I loathe buttermilk.”

“Well, that’s nice to hear,” Lepardia laughed again.

“Say, may I buy you a drink?” Agathor asked. “Possibly one a little stronger than buttermilk.”

“All right,” Lepardia accepted the arm he offered her.

As they walked down the street, they were observed by one Renfield R. Renfield.

“I must find out if Agathor Christie is married,” Renfield R. Renfield, who was going to run as the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti-Bio Conservative Party candidate against Agathor Christie in his Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds riding in the upcoming British general election, said aloud, “and if he is, I’ll publish these photos.”

Renfield took several photos of the couple with his smart phone.

“How do you know that’s not his wife?” Amadeus asked as he ate a tiger-striped orange licorice ice cream cone.

“Oh shoot, I hadn’t thought of that,” Renfield looked taken aback.

“Welcome to the year 2017,” Amadeus Emanon said roughly at the same moment that U.S. Attorney-General Jeff Sessions was discovering that Hawaii was now a U.S. state.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday April 21st
2017.

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The Cat Who Ate Wolves For Breakfast (Plus Lunch and Supper)

April 20, 2017 at 5:03 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Russian Spetsnaz special forces who had parachuted into Kiev last Thursday under the command of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith were werewolves.

They were a special type of werewolf.

Each soldier was a bodark werewolf.

A bodark is a person who wants to become a werewolf in Russia (as opposed to a a wawkalak who was just turned into a werewolf through the evil actions of the Devil).

To become a bodark, a person would run into a forest and stab a copper knife into a tree (while such an action might be pleasing to manufacturers of copper knives as well as those with huge investments in the copper industry, the undertaking doesn’t go over so well with Greenpeace and tree huggers everywhere).

While still holding on to the knife in the innocently stabbed tree, the would-be bodark is required to repeat this chant:

“On the sea, on the ocean, on the island, on Bujan,
On the empty pasture gleams the moon, on an ashstock lying
In a green wood, in a gloomy vale.
Toward the stock wandereth a shaggy wolf.
Horned cattle seeking for his sharp white fangs;
But the wolf enters not the forest,
But the wolf dives not into the shadowy vale,
Moon, moon, gold-horned moon,
Cheek the flight of bullets, blunt the hunters’ knives,
Break the shepherds’ cudgels,
Cast wild fear upon all cattle,
On men, on all creeping things,
That they may not catch the grey wolf,
That they may not rend his warm skin
My word is binding, more binding than sleep,
More binding than the promise of a hero!”

Once the tree has been stabbed and the incantation chanted (with Taylor Swift singing “Boys only want love if it’s torture” in the background), the person runs off into a forest and changes into a werewolf as he does so.

Once these Russian Spetsnaz special forces soldiers had become full-fledged grey wolf bodark werewolves, Vladimir Putin put these men under the command of the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith in a secret treaty he signed with her shortly after his 2014 annexation of Crimea.

Lilith’s Bodark Grey Wolf Squadron did not turn into werewolves during a full moon.

Instead they turned into werewolves after listening to an old Gramophone recording of Josef Stalin singing the Soviet National Anthem in concert with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (under a never revealed protocol of the Tehran Conference that was held from November 28th to December 1st 1943, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir were secretly flown to Moscow on December 26th 1943 (thereby missing out on Utah Boxing Day sales) to make the recording in musical choral accompaniment with Josef Stalin.

As Lilith played the recording turning the Russian Spetsnaz special forces commandos into grey wolf bodark werewolves, another grey wolf was walking the streets of Kiev.

The grey wolf was none other than the ancient Germanic god Wotan’s mortal son Adolf Hitler.

He had been granted permission to leave the Underworld by Hades and Persephone after Thor paid a visit on Odin/Wotan’s behalf requesting that they do so.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf stopped in its tracks when it heard the voice of Josef Stalin singing the Soviet National Anthem.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf visualized the Hungarian actor Bela Lugosi as Count Dracula saying, “Listen to him, the constipated dictator of the night. What a racket he makes.”

When the Gramophone finished playing and the commandos became grey wolf bodark werewolves, they were immediately attacked and eaten by a giant black cat.

The name of the giant black cat was Amorous Laetitia (whose name had inspired the title of a recent papal document although the first name was spelled differently in the Apostolic Exhortation).

Amorous Laetitia was the name of the personal pet cat and familiar of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft.

Hecate had recently been beheaded by Pan Goatee’s astrally projected laser machete while she was in her crone form.

The head had been taken to a New York City cryogenics lab but the lab had been broken into by Loki and Fenrir and Fenrir had eaten the head.

Since then, Amorous Laetitia had torn apart every wolf she had come across in hopes she’d find her mistress’ head.

When she didn’t find it, she just ate the rest of the disemboweled wolf,

After seeing the black cat Amorous Laetitia eat the Spetsnaz bodarks, the grey wolf formerly known as Adolf ran down an alley and entered a building for safety.

The building turned out to be Brodsky Synagogue which was Kiev’s largest.

The grey wolf formerly known as Adolf could not help but think that the gods of the universe were playing some sort of cosmic joke on him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 20th
2017.

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