Pan Goatee, Krampus and The 200th Anniversary of King George III’s Death

January 29, 2020 at 11:58 pm (Aesthetics, Culture, History, International Intrigue, Literature, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee, Krampus and The 200th Anniversary of King George III’s Death

Pan Goatee was enjoying an egg salad sub sandwich that he had bought from the Subway in the local shopping mall food court.

When he had finished the sandwich, he was going to buy himself a dozen Subway cookies for $6.

Just then an ugly looking female member of the ISIS Islamic State went up to the Subway with her detonation belt.

Goatee quickly beheaded the ugly looking creature before she could do any damage.

Although she had already caused a great deal of damage to the aesthetic environment with her ugliness.

Goatee then cut her up into 999 trillion pieces with his astral laser machete.

Rats recently released from the 1971 American horror film Willard in a repertory theatre then ate the ugly looking female suicide bomber.

They then vomited in nearby washrooms.

Goatee received a text message from the demon goat Krampus.

Krampus told Goatee that he had recently developed an allergy to the musical melody of the Johann Strauss waltz The Blue Danube whenever it was played.

“Wow, what a bummer,” Goatee stated sympathetically.

. . .

Today was the 200th Anniversary of King George III’s death.

And as such, Hades the god of the Underworld had granted the ghost of King George III a temporary dispensation to leave the Underworld.

As Cerberus was busy licking up the salt remains of Lot’s wife at the entrance/exit to the Underworld, the English poets Robert Southey and Lord Byron both stood there weeping at the cave of Hades/Sheol as they watched the late King George III of England leave (albeit only for a day).

Southey and Byron were not weeping over the late George III’s temporary absence but over the fact that both poets were wrong over their respective visions of judgment of King George III’s soul.

For George III had not entered heaven according to either man’s poetic thesis but was rather still currently spending a lot more time in Purgatory than either poet imagined (since neither Southey nor Byron had believed in Purgatory in their mortal lives).

The only people who were more upset than Southey or Byron at George III leaving Purgatory were the Puritan founders of America (who were mainly upset by the fact that Purgatory existed).

Hades and Persephone, after consultation with various devils and fallen angels, had come to the conclusion that the greatest Purgatorial punishment for the Puritans was for the ghost of Hamlet’s father King Hamlet of Denmark to drop by on a daily basis (as they were roasting away on their barbecue spits) and bang his staff (borrowed from Tolkien’s Middle Earth hero Gandalf) and announce to them, “The Bard was right. The Bard was right.”¬†

He would then break into his speech that he had once delivered to young Hamlet,

“I am thy father’s spirit,
Doomed for a certain term to walk the night
And for the day confined to fast in fires,
Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature 
Are burnt and purged away.”

And then as ever on a daily basis, Oliver Cromwell was cut up and put into an Irish shepherd’s pie and roasted in the oven.

Only to be repeated the next day.

George III spent his 200th deathday watching the impeachment trial of Donald Trump in the U.S. Senate while sitting next to U.S. Chief Justice John Roberts in the Senate chamber.

“So, this is what Washington and Jefferson and Ben Franklin’s project has come to,” George III laughed as he drank his now tax free ghostly tea rescued from the bottom of Boston Harbour.

As for Ben Franklin and his friend the English aristocratic rake Sir Francis Dashwood, they no longer found the terms “Members of the Hellfire Club” so funny anymore.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 29th
2020.

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Nero and Assad

April 10, 2017 at 3:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The man drinking in the Rome taverna always told all who cared to listen that he once worked in the Vatican Antiquities Museum.

“I didn’t used to drink in those days,” he said to the disbelief of all, “until the night when I saw a ghostly violin… a violin that was only spectral in appearance… not a material violin… but an astrally projected violin up and leave the museum. Then I was let go for seeing it leave.”

“When was that?” asked the occasional bored taverna patron who pressed for more information.

“July 17th 2000,” the man replied.

. . .

Syrian President Bashar al-Assad (who had been in office since July 17th 2000) was talking to the spiritist medium Dulcinea Lucia who had flown in from London for the reading.

The gypsy Dulcinea Lucia (who was the goddaughter of Persephone the Greek goddess of the underworld) had special access to the spirits of Hades.

And Bashar al-Assad was anxious to talk to the spirit of the late Syrian Greek king Antiochus IV of the Seleucid dynasty (the man known to the world as Antiochus Epiphanes).

. . .

The Mossad agent they called the Controller of the Golem was in his office reading a document called the Otzar Midrashim that told the story of a Talmudic sage who received an angelic message regarding the coming of the Messiah.

He read,

“This will be for you a sign: when you see that the Nero of the East has fallen in Damascus, the kingdom of the east will fall, and then the salvation of Israel will grow, and the Messiah of the House of David will arrive and [the Jews] will go up to Jerusalem.” (Otzar Midrashim)

The Controller of the Golem wondered, is it possible that the current secularist tyrant Bashar al-Assad who rules Syria, was he the Nero of the East referred to in the Otzar Midrashim prophecy?

Nero and Assad

He looked up and saw the Egyptian vampiress Isis standing in front of him.

“Oh ye of little faith,” Isis spoke to him rebukingly, “do you not know that it is my husband Osiris who is your Messiah? Reach out to us for help. For you know that it is your old enemy Lilith who is trying to destroy you, the vampiress who poisoned your drink with Polonium-210 in London, the vampiress who has always worked behind the scenes for your people’s destruction. Only I and Osiris have the power to stop her. Even now, Lilith is in Damascus seeking your nation’s destruction. She is currently speaking with both Assad and the spirit of the Syrian Greek king Antiochus IV Epiphanes who sought your destruction centuries ago.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 10th
2017.

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The Death of The March Hare: A Poem

March 31, 2017 at 6:09 pm (Fantasy, Literature, Mystery/horror, Mythology, Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Persephone

On her throne, Persephone the Queen of the Underworld did decree
that the March Hare had brought joy to far too many
and it was time that this valiant hare should die
and should be now before March time did fly

So on this last day of March 2017
as the Hare drank tea with a Heartly Queen
the Messenger of Death did drop Polonium-210
into the hare’s teacup at the stroke of Big Ben

The hare raised the tea to his lips
as Mad Hatter recalled his latest trips
up through and outside the Rabbit hole
when the poor hare turned as black as coal

“Remember to pay the phone bill” were the Hare’s last words before he died
as into the frying pan went the Heartly queen’s kipper being fried
The March Hare fell over quite dead
and the Heartly queen turned bright red
“I did not say off with his head”.

The March Hare was buried with a carrot in his mouth
payment that Ferryman Charon told to take a hike south
and so the March Hare’s pour soul is now trapped on the River Styx
as Queen Persephone laughs and plays pick up sticks.

-A poem written by Christopher
Friday March 31st 2017.

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