The Hall of The Baskervilles: A Poem

July 28, 2018 at 9:44 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Hall of The Baskervilles: A Poem

The hall of the Baskervilles stands empty now
Only living creature seen is a neighbour’s stray cow
It’s been over a century since Sherlock Holmes cracked the case
of this spectral hound who lacked amazing grace
Sir Henry Baskerville has taken Mrs. Stapleton for his bride
as Holmes and Watson left the moor in a carriage ride
Sir Henry and his wife only had one son
An only child- Simon full of spark and fun

During the Great War, Simon Baskerville served as a spy
He arranged the fall of Zeppelins from the sky
So great and masterful a spy was he
pissing off the High Command of Germany
Kaiser Wilhelm II personally ordered his death
“This last Baskerville must soon be devoid of breath”
And so the order went out to German Intelligence Agent Count von Klamp
A man who dated a sexy Valkyrie vamp
He sent the vamp to England fair
This vampiress with Aryan blonde hair
She seduced Simon on a dark and stormy night
The kind that gives Bulwer-Lytton’s prose a fright
And Simon had from his body every ounce of his manly blood drained
While outside the thunder roared as storm clouds rained

Simon was knighted posthumously
by George V in full ceremony
Count von Klamp attended the funeral knighting in disguise
while the Valkyrie wore dark glasses over her eyes

Today Baskerville Hall stands deserted and desolate
Preservation efforts made quite the mess of it
On some nights locals say the demonic hound can still be seen
Devil’s hound instead of God’s Lamb in Devon’s pastures green

And in the empty Baskerville Hall
Dashwood Forrest walked examining the wall
He was looking for a portrait painting of Sir Simon
He had a buyer a millionaire Steak Kidney 🥧 pie man

He came to the place on the wall it was supposed to be
And there stood Allatallahbel in all her vampiress glory

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal standing in front of an empty portrait picture frame in Baskerville Hall

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 28th
2018.

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Allatallahbel and The Baptist Painting and Pan Goatee

June 26, 2018 at 10:59 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Allatallahbel and The Baptist Painting and Pan Goatee

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal and her army of 12 Vampiric Knights-Templar were in North America.

They were here to steal a previously unknown Leonardo Da Vinci painting that was in a private art collection.

The painting was of a shocking subject- Saint John the Baptist encountering the Greek goddess Aphrodite by the River Jordan.

Although the event was not mentioned in the New Testament, it was mentioned in an ancient copy of an Epistle written by Polycarp the Bishop of Smyrna that Allatallahbel found in the Vatican Archives and that had never been released or published by the Vatican.

Shortly after finding the Polycarp manuscript, Allatallahbel was eating a live parrot called Polly and a live carp (goldfish) called Goldie when she received a text message from one of her disciples – a book editor with a major New York City publishing company.

The editor was in possession of a yet to be published Dan Brown manuscript.

In the manuscript, Robert Langdon is called in to examine a previously unknown Leonardo Da Vinci painting in which Saint John the Baptist meets the Greek goddess Aphrodite by the River Jordan.

Apparently according to the Brown manuscript, the painting is in the private collection of a western Canadian rancher and cattle baron.

Brown said in the book that the incident of the meeting between the Baptist and Aphrodite is mentioned in an unpublished ancient manuscript of an Epistle of Polycarp the Bishop of Smyrna.

Allatallahbel wet her panties when she read the text message.

Then she remembered that she wasn’t wearing any panties.

She immediately took off the silver evening dress she was wearing (which now had gold coloured stains all over the front) and called for her valet Parsifal to take her dress to the nearest Chinese laundromat in Rome and get it cleaned.

She then sat there in her chair naked and contemplated the night sky from the window of her Vatican penthouse apartment.

She and the Vampiric Knights-Templar had seized control of the Vatican on October 13th of last year.

Priests entered the room to remove the parrot feathers and goldfish scales left on her plate.

They were undisturbed by the sight of Allatallahbel’s nudity as almost all the priests who worked here in the papal apartments under Pope Francis were gay.

Allatallahbel picked up her smart phone and called the book editor.

The book editor was shocked to hear that the Polycarp manuscript really did exist.

As Polly and the carp waged war in Allatallahbel’s stomach, the Vampiress Priestess of Baal mentioned that in all likelihood the Da Vinci painting existed as well.

She asked what was it in Brown’s manuscript that Robert Langdon had been asked to look for in the Da Vinci painting of the Baptist meeting Venus.

The editor replied that the painting contained clues to the whereabouts of Solomon’s hidden treasure.

Allatallahbel wet her panties again.

Then she remembered that she wasn’t wearing panties or even a dress for that matter.

She stood up and rang the bell 🛎 calling for one of the priest papal secretaries.

“Father Antonio, I think you better take this Alexander VI Rodrigo Borgia Renaissance upholstered chair down to Vatican maintenance and get it steam cleaned,” Allatallahbel directed.

“Very well, your priestlyness,” Father Antonio bowed.

Allatallahbel pulled up an old 1930s handcrafted arm chair for Benito Mussolini and sat down.

“I hope this doesn’t give me splinters,” Allatallahbel thought to herself as she sat down, “My buttocks are very sensitive.”

She asked the book editor to check into the whereabouts of this rancher’s private art collection and see if it actually existed.

This past May 17th, Allatallahbel got a call from the editor.

The Da Vinci painting formally entitled The Baptist Meets Venus did exist, the Western Canadian rancher existed as did his private art collection which contained the painting.

Allatallahbel wet her panties again on hearing this news but fortunately she was wearing panties this time.

A quick blow with her hair dryer should remove the wet stain on the front of her scarlet coloured evening dress that she’d be wearing while holding the gold plated and diamond and ruby and gem studded Renaissance Medici Communion chalice at Mass this evening.

. . .

Baphomet as he picked his nose at the King David Hotel in Jerusalem was quite pleased to hear that Allatallahbel had managed to track down the location of the Da Vinci Baptist Meets Venus painting.

Soon he’d learn the location of Solomon’s hidden treasure.

He ate some goat’s cheese as he stroked his large female breasts and fondled his male phallus.

. . .

Allatallahbel and the 12 Knights-Templar were in the largest city closest to the cattle rancher’s cattle ranch.

Apparently the rancher kept his private art collection not at his ranch house (where the cow hands were always setting fire 🔥 to the place as they drank whiskey and beer and toasted marshmallows and ate pork and beans and broke wind as they could not keep quiet 🤫 their gastronomic symphony) but in his maternal grandmother’s small inconspicuous looking house in the city.

Allatallahbel had gone to see the Vatican’s resident astrologer, spiritist medium and seer Cassandra Sibylline to get her horoscope done and find out what would be the most opportune date for her to steal the painting.

According to Cassandra Sibylline, the best date astrologically speaking was June 26th of this year – 5 days after the summer solstice and 2 days after the Feast of the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist (which was also International Fairy Day because it was also the Nativity of Puck Robin Goodfellow).

The seer and astrologer told Allatallahbel to have 13 people in the party of thieves.

That was no problem said the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

She’d take all 12 of her Vampiric Knights-Templar with her.

She should also bring along half a goat as well said the seer-astrologer.

“Half a goat?” Allatallahbel was shocked.

Cassandra Sibylline nodded yes.

At first Allatallahbel was going to raid a nearby goat farm and cut up half a goat 🐐 to take along on the thieving expedition.

But then she had heard about the DARPA contract assassin and satyr serial killer Pan Goatee who was a genetically created satyr half-man and half-goat.

She’d bring him along on the mission.

Coincidentally Pan Goatee had recently assassinated the cattle rancher (who owned the Da Vinci painting) on orders of DARPA and the U.S. government.

So he was ideal.

Pan Goatee was to be picked up at his hotel while waiting for the thieving 13 to arrive.

Pan decided to take in the city’s transit system.

Big mistake.

He waited 45 minutes for his bus to arrive.

When they showed up, it was a student driver with two transit trainer officers with him.

Pan promptly beheaded all 3 carving the letter F into the student driver’s forehead.

A transit driver off work and sitting at the back then took over driving the bus.

At the next stop a whole bunch of people including an ugly looking woman got on.

Pan promptly beheaded the ugly looking woman and got off the bus.

He decided to go to McDonald’s and have a Big Mac.

He was then almost run over by an ugly looking girl riding a bike.

Pan Goatee promptly beheaded the girl and cut her up into tiny little pieces.

He then threw the bike into a trash bin and using nanites to pick up the small pieces of the ugly girl, he directed the grey goo spewing nanobots (that Prince Charles had once warned the world about in a speech years ago) to enter a pizza 🍕 take out and delivery place in the nearby mall and to deposit the pieces on the Vegan Vegetarian Pizza 🍕 Special of the day.

Pan Goatee then walked across the street to catch another bus.

There was a fat ugly blimp standing at the bus stop likewise waiting for a bus.

Pan Goatee promptly beheaded her saying, “Why can’t you fat ugly cows stay in the barn where you belong? Your milk is probably full of botulism causing bacteria anyways.”

Goatee then caught a bus on the other side of the street.

Returning to his hotel, he went into the hotel bar to have a drink only to discover that the bartender was an ugly looking woman.

He promptly beheaded her and put the head on top of a Harley-Davidson parked outside.

Finally Allatallahbel and her Knights-Templar arrived.

They immediately drove the van to the rancher’s grandmother’s house to pick up the painting.

After waterboarding the rancher’s grandmother in the basement, the elderly woman finally told Allatallahbel where the painting was located.

They then walked outside where they discovered the van had been stolen by one of the city’s numerous auto theft gangs.

They were forced to catch a transit bus.

However when an ugly looking woman got on the bus and Pan Goatee beheaded her, the bus driver kicked the whole lot of them off the bus.

They were then forced to wait for the next bus.

Allatallahbel was worried about getting to the airport on time to catch the plane ✈️.

As the next bus pulled up, a man in a wheelchair attempted to get off.

Because he was taking so long to get off the bus, Allatallahbel who was busy looking at the Rolex on her wrist immediately grabbed Pan Goatee’s astral laser machete and cut the man up into tiny pieces.

The bus driver who was also running behind schedule allowed the band of thieves to get on the bus.

When an ugly looking school girl attempted to get off at the back of the bus, Pan Goatee likewise beheaded her.

“You’ve got to start when they’re young as the teachers in the Jesuit order always used to say,” Pan Goatee smiled a knowing smile to Allatallahbel.

Just then, Pan Goatee got a text message on his smart phone from Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA that orders had come down from the very top of the U.S. government for the satyr contract assassin to assassinate the entire Board of Directors of Harley Davidson.

“Duty calls,” Goatee again smiled at Allatallahbel and then dialled the number cancelling his hotel room for the night and booking a plane flight to Milwaukee Wisconsin.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday June 26th
2018.

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The Vampiress Priestess of Baal and Pope Francis On Karl Marx’s 200th Birthday

May 5, 2018 at 11:39 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Vampiress Priestess of Baal and Pope Francis On Karl Marx’s 200th Birthday

Pope Francis felt very regretful over the fact that he hadn’t been allowed to canonize Karl Marx today May 5th 2018 (Marx’s 200th birthday) as a birthday present to the philosopher who gave birth to atheistic Marxism.

He had felt so badly about it that he had wired some money to London gypsy fortune 🔮 teller and psychic Dulcinea Lucia asking her to place some flowers 💐 on Marx’s grave accompanied by a written note of papal apology for not being able to canonize him and admit him to the Catholic Communion of Saints.

The Modernist Jesuit Father Jorge Mario Bergoglio (stage name: Pope Francis) then thought about a statement he had made yesterday (Friday May 4th 2018) to a papal audience at which nuns, monks and priests were present.

The pontiff had told those who were consecrated to the religious life that “The Holy Spirit is a disaster because He never tires of being creative.”

Reflecting on this remark, the heretically inclined pontiff then hopped and skipped through the halls of the Vatican totally oblivious to a statement Christ had made 2000 years ago on this subject.

Christ had said that anyone who blasphemes the Son of Man, it could be forgiven him.

However he who commits blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, it would not be forgiven him.

This would no doubt just be the latest in an ongoing series of statements that Francis has been making since he was elected Pope in 2013.

Statements that had caused many Protestants and even many Catholics to seriously wonder if Pope Francis wasn’t the False Prophet prophesied in the Book of Revelation (called The Apocalypse in Catholic Bibles) Chapter 13 verse 11.

Of course both the world and the media loved Pope Francis (but hadn’t Christ warned, “Woe unto you, when all men speak well of you! for so did their fathers to the false prophets.” – Luke 6:26 KJV).

Then Francis remembered the phone conversation he had last night with the Egyptian Vampiress Isis and French President Emmanuel Macron.

The pair had called from Paris although the Macron who was present with Isis was in fact a holographic image (created by France’s top scientists) as the real President Macron was busy visiting the South Pacific French island of New Caledonia after a trip to Australia 🇦🇺 in which he had called the Australian Prime Minister’s wife Lucinda Turnbull delicious (causing British MP Renfield R. Renfield to quip that Macron was probably tired of eating the same old cougar pussy night after night and wanted to vary it up a little).

And speaking of Renfield R. Renfield, he was currently trying to breach the wall of the Vatican gardens on a mission for his former boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Set had heard that the head of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft) was currently located somewhere in the Vatican and he thought it might be advantageous to have his chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher clone Hecate.

A genetic clone of Hecate might serve as a powerful ally for Set in his ongoing millennia long war against his brother and brother-in-law Osiris.

Renfield found himself down off the Vatican wall and on to the ground a little quicker than he would have liked.

“That’s gotta hurt as George Costanza from Seinfeld would say,” Renfield quipped as his testicles took a licking and kept on ticking.

Renfield looked around and was surprised to see that the Vatican gardens still looked like autumn rather than spring whose season it now was.

He was even more surprised by the vision of the beautiful woman who now approached him:

https://pin.it/ke2lygz63h7u24

“Who are you?” Renfield asked somewhat taken aback by the heavenly apparition.

“I am Allatallahbel,” she gave him a warm enticing smile, “the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.”

“You’re one vampiress I’ve never heard of,” Renfield had to admit as his phallus came to life despite the soreness of his testicles.

“I’m not surprised,” she smiled seductively.

“So,” Renfield looked around, “do you know why the Vatican gardens still look like autumn when spring is in the air elsewhere in Rome?”.

“The Vatican gardens will soon be subject to the coming of an eternal winter,” the sensual Vampiress Priestess of Baal laughed a sinister film noir femme fatale laugh.

Renfield despite the passion and heat he was feeling at the moment was simultaneously starting to feel cold chills.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 5th
2018.

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