False Prophets, Peace Deals, Pachamama and Sensuous Qonzilqointec

January 28, 2020 at 11:48 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

False Prophets, Peace Deals, Pachamama and Sensuous Qonzilqointec

A group of Jesuit assassins at the Vatican sat around drinking strawberry daiquiris and Pink Lady cocktails as they waited for their pink fingernail polish to dry before going out for a night on the town.

They were tuned in to BBC Radio where British MP Renfield R. Renfield was being interviewed.

The interviewer was asking Renfield about Uruguayan priest Father Gonzalo Aemilius whom Pope Francis had just named his new personal secretary.

“Well of course Father Gonzalo doesn’t dress like a priest,” Renfield noted, “and he’s someone who’s got the looks of a tennis instructor who would be hired by bored sexually frustrated middle-aged wealthy women who were looking for tennis and other types of encounters.”

“So what are you saying exactly?” The interviewer asked.

“Expect to see a lot of late night stenography sessions going on in the papal residence at the Vatican,” Renfield answered.

“What do we know about Father Gonzalo Aemilius?” The interviewer inquired.

“Well, he replaces the Argentine priest Father Fabian (sounds like the name of a Harlequin historical romance novel cover shirtless and topless male model) Pedacchio who worked alongside the Pope from 2013 to 2019 and who returned last December to his original post at the Congregation of Bishops. Of course Father Fabian Pedacchio just turned 55 last year and as my Welsh parliamentary colleague Morgana’s personal hairdresser Leo noted, “He’s a man who’s really lost his looks the past couple of years.” Now Father Pedacchio is being replaced by Father Gonzalo Aemilius who’s a “rugged handsome 40-year-old” to again quote my Welsh parliamentary colleague Morgana’s personal hairdresser Leo. ”

“Anything else about Father Gonzalo Aemilius?” The interviewer queried.

“Well, I’ll read you what the official Vatican News agency said about his appointment,” Renfield replied.

Renfield then read the excerpt in a voice that sounded like a cross between Hollywood Squares celebrity panelist Paul Lynde and American writer Truman Capote, “Father Aemilius was born in Montevideo on 18th September 1979 and was ordained a priest on 6th May 2006. His face may be familiar to many because he is the one, who the Pope greeted and summoned to him when he was part of the crowd gathered outside a Vatican gate to welcome Pope Francis at the beginning of his pontificate on the morning of 17th March 2013. He recognized him and invited him to accompany him into the church where he was about to celebrate his first Mass with the faithful after his election. At the end of the liturgy, Pope Francis introduced Father Aemilius to all those present, asking them to pray for him and for his work with street children.”

The phone rang in the office of the Jesuit assassins.

It was the Jesuit assassin whose fingernail polish had fully dried who picked up the phone.

“It’s the boss,” said the Jesuit assassin, “He wants to know who will rid him of this troublesome British MP.”

. . .

At the White House today, U.S. President Donald Trump stood alongside Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and announced the Jared Kushner Peace Deal of the Century.

The map of the new Palestinian state that Trump proposed seemed to resemble a salamander.

The sort of salamander as on a 19th Century U.S. Congressional District map that gave rise to the term gerrymandering.

Interestingly enough at about the same time as Trump made his announcement, Hades the Greek god of the Underworld had granted temporary dispensational releases from his realm to the ghosts of Israel’s King Solomon, Hiram the King of Tyre and also Hiram Abiff the architect and master mason (who had once been possessed by the spirit of the Egyptian god Osiris) who had helped build Solomon’s original Temple in Jerusalem.

. . .

In the Caribbean, the scarlet red dress wearing Inca goddess Pachamama riding a 7-headed beast had caused a powerful 7.7 magnitude earthquake that hit between Jamaica, the Cayman Islands and Cuba at a depth of 10 kilometres (6.2 miles).

. . .

Meanwhile in her apartment in Mexico City, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec greeted Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing as he walked through the door:

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 28th
2020.

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Pachamama and The Spectre of Teilhard: The Devil Wore A Collar and Cassock

January 23, 2020 at 8:04 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Pachamama and The Spectre of Teilhard: The Devil Wore A Collar and Cassock

“I order all priests in this country to stop preaching on Hell.”
-Reinhard Cardinal Marx,
Archbishop of Munich,
Chairman of the German Bishops’
Conference 
(who’s obviously tired of being reminded of his post-life destination)

Former British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was once again setting up his London private eye office with former British Conservative MP Agathor Christie (both men had once again failed to be re-elected to Parliament in last month’s General Election).

Magog suddenly noticed he got an email from the man who was their tour guide throughout the rainforest jungles of the Amazon last summer.

The failed parliamentary and equally unsuccessful private eye duo had been hired last year to find out who was causing the Amazon rainforest fires that were burning out of control last summer.

They had failed to do so but had sent a bill for their services to Lev Tomi (the Secretary-General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change) anyway.

The email contained a photo taken by an Inca Quechua indigenous woman living in Peru last summer.

The photo showed the disembodied flaming head of a Jesuit priest emitting fire from his hair and setting fire to trees.

Coincidentally Magog’s partner Agathor Christie was getting a photo emailed to him from British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

The photo taken by an acquaintance of Renfield who was currently in Australia (rescuing koalas, kangaroos and other wildlife from the current wildfires) showed the disembodied flaming head of the same Jesuit priest emitting fire from his hair and setting fire to Australian trees.

. . .

On July 13th 1917 the Virgin Mary was said to have appeared to three shepherd children Lucia Santos and her cousins Jacinta and Francisco Marto near the village of Fatima, Portugal and told them three secrets.

On October 13th 1917, a miracle involving the sun happened at Fatima, Portugal witnessed by over 70,000 people (believers and atheists alike).

The third secret that had been told to the children was supposed to have been revealed by the Pope to the world in 1960 but it wasn’t.

The vision associated with the Third Secret was released by the Vatican on June 26th 2000 but the text (Mary’s words to the 3 children) never was.

Coincidentally on October 13th 1917 as a miracle of the sun was happening in Fatima Portugal, Saint Maximilian Kolbe (a Polish priest who later died at Auschwitz on August 14th 1941 volunteering to die in place of a Jewish man with a family) was in Rome Italy.

He saw a Freemasonic parade in Rome in which the Freemasons were carrying banners showing images of Satan overcoming Saint Michael the Archangel in battle while they were busy shouting the slogans “Someday Satan will rule in the Vatican and the Pope will be his lackey”.

On November 9th 2018 (the 100th Anniversary of the German Kaiser Wilhelm II’s abdication 2 days prior to the signing of the Great Armistice ending World War I), Renfield found the text of the third secret of Fatima in the briefcase of a retired Austian Army colonel who apparently spied for the Russians.

On that same date, Renfield’s friend Dracul Van Helsing had located (in the very back pages of Google search on the topic) the entire message of the revelations said to have been given to a Japanese nun Sister Agnes Sasagawa by the Virgin Mary at Akita Japan back in 1973.

That message contained the statement, “And now my daughter I will reveal to you the message that my Son’s Vicar was supposed to have revealed to the world in 1960 but sadly he did not.”

What Mary told Sister Agnes and what Renfield found as the supposed text in the retired Austrian colonel’s briefcase were one and the same.

Among the lines in the identical text that both Renfield and Dracul had found on the same day were these words that Satan would “succeed in infiltrating to the very top of the Church.”

. . .

In early 1922, Lenin was having a conversation with Leon Trotsky.

“Well, Comrade,” Trotsky addressed Lenin, “remember you had asked the question at the Party Congress last year, were there any great empires in history that tried to practice anything similar to scientific socialism?”.

“I remember I had asked that question,” Lenin nodded.

“You received a reply,” Trotsky pulled a folder out of his briefcase.

“Really?” Lenin smiled, “Who from?”

“A French Jesuit priest actually,” Trotsky read from the folder, “Although one who is not an archaeologist, anthropologist or historian. But rather a paleontologist and geologist. By the name of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.”

“And what does Teilhard have to say?” Lenin leaned back in his chair.

“The Inca Empire,” Trotsky read from the folder, “which lasted from 1438 until 1533. The Empire contained Peru, southwest Ecuador, western and south central Bolivia, northwest Argentina, a large portion of what is today Chile and a small part of southwest Colombia. Its official language was Quecha. But the economy of the Inca Empire was socialist. Supply on command as opposed to supply and demand as it were. The Empire functioned largely without money and without markets. Instead exchange of goods and services was based on reciprocity between individuals and among individuals, groups and Inca rulers. The Inca rulers (who theoretically owned all the means of production) reciprocated by granting access to land and goods and providing food and drink in celebratory feasts for their subjects.”

“So the Inca rulers were sort of the Soviet Politburo of their day?” Lenin smiled.

“That is correct,” Trotsky nodded.

“I take it though while the Incas practised a form of scientific socialism, they probably had a religion as well?” Lenin raised his left eyebrow.

“They did,” Trotsky nodded, “one of the Inca deities that Teilhard mentions is Pachamama who was Mother Earth the second most important figure in the Inca pantheon after Inti the sun god of the Incas.”

“Well, we can do without Pachamama as we build our scientific socialist paradise,” Lenin laughed.

“It may be necessary for the triumph of our cause to adapt some form of religion to temporarily appease the masses as we build the scientific socialist state,” Trotsky pointed out, “perhaps if push comes to shove and the masses are not inclined to immediately embrace atheism as we bring forth the agenda of worldwide scientific socialism, it might be necessary to bring in a deity who we could incorporate into our cause. Why not Pachamama? Our own immediate subjects in Russia are no doubt still haunted by the Czarist idea of Holy Mother Russia. Pachamama could become an engrafted substitute. And in various religions throughout the world and throughout history, the Earth Mother goddess was a very important deity. Why not adopt Pachamama who was the Earth Mother goddess of an Empire that tried to practice a form of scientific socialism?”.

“And who could we ask to graft such a deity into Marxism?” Lenin inquired.

“Why not Teilhard himself?” Trotsky suggested, “For in his opening introductory letter, he writes that he wishes to bring about a synthesis of Marxism and Christianity and he has taken it upon himself to do just that.”

“Christianity, Marxism and Pachamama,” Lenin mused aloud, “Well, let’s see what this Teilhard fellow comes up with.”

How well Teilhard succeeded would not be known in the life and existence of the Soviet Union itself.

Although Teilhard’s writings were eventually to be placed alongside the writings of Marx and Lenin in Moscow’s Hall of Atheism.

. . .

Teilhard was not the only one to consider the figure of Pachamama as a deity capable of synthesis and syncretism. 

Back in the late 1870s when founder of Theosophy Madame Helena Petrovna Blavatsky was admitted into the Grand Orient Lodge of France (the only Freemasonic lodge in the world to allow female initiates), she had written as her entry in the membership register, “The Celestial Virgin (who is the mother of both space and time) is also the mother of all Gods and all Devils at one and the same time. To the ancient Inca, she was called Pachamama.”

. . .

August 8th 1919
-A man is walking in the desert when the thing swooped down upon him. From afar it appeared to him quite small a pale fading shadow no bigger than the palm of a child’s hand. When suddenly with the speed of an arrow, it came straight at him. And then suddenly penetrated his soul. The man felt he was ceasing to be merely himself. An irresistible rapture took possession of him. And the anguish of some superhuman peril oppressed him. He felt what swooped down upon him was the combined essence of all evil and all goodness. And now in the depths of the very being who had invaded, something was murmuring, “You have called me here. Here I am.”
Said the thing, “You have need of me in order to grow. And I was waiting for you in order to be made holy. I have been drawing you to me and now I’ve been established in you for life or for death. And now you must either damn yourself with me. Or save myself with you. ”
The man replies, “What is your name? Speak, you who are divine and mighty.” 
The thing replies, “With my violence, I sometimes slay my lovers. And those who touch me never know what power they are unleashing. Wise men fear me and curse me. I am the essence of all that is tangible.
You have grasped what the world has even more than individuals who wish their soul to be redeemed. Lay yourself open to my inspiration. And receive what the spirit of the earth has in order to be saved. Your salvation and mine hang upon this first moment.”
Now this wave of bliss in which he was engulfed had been changed. And in ruthless determination, he began to battle the dark power. And then the frenzied battle gave placement however to an irresistible longing to submit. And he felt that henceforth nothing in the world would be able to alienate him from the greater reality that he was now feeling. Nothing at all. And he surrendered himself.
-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin writing in his diary about an experience he had in the Egyptian desert writing about himself in the third person as he was prone to do.

About the day he made contact with the Spirit of the Earth. 

Or as they say in Latin, Spiritus Mundi.

About the same time as Teilhard had this experience in the Egyptian desert, a poet in Ireland was having a vision of his own.

A vision that would inspire him to write a poem called The Second Coming.

A poem containing these words, 
“… a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi 
troubles my sight:
somewhere in sands of the desert 
A shape with lion body and the head of a man, 
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs,
while all about it 
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know 
That twenty centuries of stony sleep 
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards 
Bethlehem to be born?
-William Butler Yeats, The Second Coming

. . .

On April 22nd 1970 was the world’s first Earth Day.

Coincidentally that date was also the 100th Birthday of Soviet leader Vladimir Lenin (who was born on April 22nd 1870).

39 years later on April 22nd 2009, the United Nations General Assembly adopted a resolution declaring April 22nd as International Mother Earth Day.

Following the resolution it was noted that the earth mother goddess was a common deity in many of the world’s religions.

Followers of Hinduism noted that in their religion, Mother Earth was symbolized by the goddess Sita.

And it was also noted by practitioners of other faiths that they had a representative earth mother goddess.

Curiously some UN officials and NGOs who were Marxist in their political beliefs and yet labelled themselves as Teilhardian in their spiritual beliefs had for the occasion culturally appropriated the Inca Earth Mother Goddess Pachamama as one of their own.

Said one Teilhardian Marxist after the vote, “Pachamama is the Andean Mother Earth. She provides harvests of potatoes and coca leaves. Today’s environmental problems stem from a lack of respect for Pachamama. We take too much from her and pollute her, endangering the life of the planet as a whole.”

The Teilhardian Marxist neglected to mention that Inca priests sacrificed llamas and guinea pigs to Pachamama and in times of severe crisis, they even sacrificed human children.

He also didn’t mention the fact that Pachamama was a shape shifter.

When she lived in the fires under the earth, she was a fierce red dragon.

But when she was on the earth’s surface, she appeared as a woman.

. . .

Friday October 4th 2019.

The first Friday of the month of October.

And among modern New Age adherents and disciples of Pachamama the Inca Earth Mother Goddess, the first Friday of every month is considered sacred to Pachamama.

Special ceremonies and special oblations are given to Pachamama on that day.

October 4th also happens to be the Feast Day of Saint Francis of Assisi.

Saint Francis as he lay dying had told his fellow monks the prophecy that someday in the future a man would ascend to the papal throne and would take for his papal name his (Francis’) name.

Saint Francis told his disciples to beware of this man when he comes.

For he said that this pope would attempt to lead the Catholic faithful into following strange and sinister gods.

On Friday October 4th 2019, small wooden statues of Pachamama were brought into the Vatican Gardens to mark the opening of the Amazon Synod.

A female shaman from the Amazon led the ceremonies and rituals.

A group of people formed a circle and danced and then bowed down and prostrated themselves before Pachamama.

Among those bowing down and prostrating themselves before the Pachamama idols was a Franciscan monk.

Looking on and viewing the ceremony was a Pope called Francis.

The female shaman from the Amazon later presented a black ring and a wooden statue of Pachamama to Pope Francis as a gift.

The Pope smiled and easily accepted.

The Pope would later bring the statues of Pachamama into Saint Peter’s Basilica for the opening Mass marking the start of the Amazonian Synod.

The statues would be placed right in front of the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica.

They would then be kept for the rest of the synod in front of the altar in a chapel inside the Church of Santa Maria del Traspontina.

Until a disgruntled Catholic layman entered the Church of Santa Maria del Traspontina on Monday October 21st 2019 and dispatched the statues into the nearby Tiber River.

. . .

At a Vatican Christmas concert on December 14th 2019 in the Pope Paul VI Hall, another Amazon female shaman would lead a group of Catholic bishops and priests in what was called the Pachamama Prayer.

She instructed the priests and bishops to lay crossed hands across their chests in Freemasonic fashion and feel their hearts as their hearts slowly became one in tune with the heartbeat of Mother Earth.

. . .

Amadeus Emanon (in Australia) and Renfield R. Renfield (in London, England) were holding a video conversation via Skype.

They were discussing Pachamama.

“Didn’t they make an animated cartoon film about Pachamama a few years back?” Amadeus asked.

“They did,” Renfield nodded, “Of course Pachamama also made an appearance in the opening scene of one of the great blockbuster movies of the 1980s.”

“She did?” Amadeus looked quizzical.

“She did,” Renfield smiled, “remember that small golden idol that Indiana Jones was attempting to steal in the opening scene of Raiders of The Lost Ark? He put a bag of sand down on the pedestal with one hand and then quickly grabbed the gold idol statue with his other hand in order not to let the traps inside the cave know that he was stealing the statue? Of course it failed and soon a rolling huge stone wheel came tumbling around in the cave. That gold idol figure with the sinister grin was Pachamama.”

“That was Pachamama?” Amadeus was shocked.

“That was Pachamama,” Renfield nodded, “So with Pope Francis bringing Pachamama into the inner sanctuary of the Vatican, expect huge rolling stone wheels to be tumbling around sometime in the near future.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday January 12th
to 
Monday January 20th
2020.


The Inca vampiress Huchuysisa took a photo of the flaming disembodied head of Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin setting fire to the trees of the Amazon rainforest

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Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses

November 8, 2019 at 11:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Yaldabaoth, Bono and The Pachamama Grasses 

Back on Monday October 28th 2019 the day after the Vatican’s Amazon Synod ended, Pope Francis had a meeting with U2 singer Bono and economist Jeffrey Sachs.

At the meeting, Pope Francis’ Vatican and the United Nations signed a pact on sustainable development and global governance by the year 2030.

During that meeting, Pope Francis also gave Bono a planter of some grasses and soil that had been used to invoke the ancient Inca Earth Mother goddess Pachamama at a special ceremony in the Vatican Gardens back on October 4th before the Amazon Synod began.

The same planter of grasses and soil had been given to Pope Francis along with the Communion bread and wine as gifts to be presented on the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica for the closing Mass of the Amazon Synod on October 27th.

Now the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil had been given to Bono by Pope Francis.

But none of this was known to or of any concern to Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun who was walking through the Irish countryside on this Friday evening singing,

“You think she was Queen of the land 
and her hair hung over her shoulders
all tied up with a black velvet band…”

As he walked down the road, he ran into a cow he knew called Daisy Daily.

“Moo!” Daisy greeted him.

“Hello, Daisy,” Yaldabaoth doffed his hat, “You’re a long way from Farmer Riley’s farm.”

“Moo!” Daisy answered him.

“You’re looking for something to eat eh?” Yaldabaoth scratched his head and took a nip from a bottle of Irish whiskey, “Well, I think Bono the U2 singer has his estate somewhere near here. Let’s go see if he has anything to eat at his place.”

Leprechaun and cow headed off down the road to the Bono estate.

Yaldabaoth rang the doorbell of the great house which was promptly answered by Higgins who was Bono’s butler and valet.

“Hello, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth likewise doffed his hat to the butler, “My friend Daisy Daily was looking for something to eat and we were wondering if you could give her something.”

“Well…” Higgins said.

“Moo!” Daisy walked into the house and walked over to the sitting room window where the planter of Pachamama grasses and soil was located.

“Moo!” Daisy proclaimed before eating all the grasses.

The cow then got into the punch bowl on the sitting room table and drank all the punch.

“There’s about 40 litres of alcohol in that punch,” Higgins said.

“Well, not anymore,” Yaldabaoth remarked, “It’s in Daisy now.”

A now inebriated Daisy knocked over the planter of Pachamama soil with her tail.

“I apologize, Higgins,” Yaldabaoth opened the closet door and grabbed the vacuum cleaner, “let me vacuum that up for you.”

The leprechaun then vacuumed up all the dirt.

“That was sacred soil I was told,” Higgins’ hair had turned white.

“Now mixed in with sacred potato chip bits and sacred chocolate bar wrappers,” Yaldabaoth emptied the contents of the vacuum cleaner down the estate’s garbage chute.

“I wonder what Bono will say?” Higgins shook his head.

“Probably I still haven’t found what I’m looking for if he decides to go through the garbage,” Yaldabaoth directed Daisy Daily out the front door where leprechaun and cow headed back to Farmer Riley’s farm.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 8th
2019.

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Qonzilqointec of The Catacombs

November 3, 2019 at 11:14 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec of The Catacombs

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in the catacombs of Rome.

After having spent Dias de los Muertos down in Mexico, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had flown from Mexico City to Rome on a mission for Set Enterprises and the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Set was anxious to get his hands on the recently signed Pact of the Catacombs that was signed down in the catacombs by various cardinals, bishops and priests at last month’s Pan-Amazonia Synod.

Set feared that in that pact was an alliance treaty signed between his arch-enemy, brother and brother-in-law the Egyptian god Osiris and Pachamama the ancient Inca Mother Earth goddess.

Therefore Set wanted to discover whether talk of an Osiris-Pachamama alliance was in fact true.

So he had talked Qonzilqointec and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing into searching the catacombs to find a copy of the pact which according to one of Set’s sources inside the Vatican was hidden inside one of the catacomb walls.

Qonzilqointec stood at one of the catacomb entrances waiting for Dracul Van Helsing to catch up:

“Are you coming?” She asked him.

“I am most definitely coming,” Dracul answered as he looked at her.

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” she threw back her hair and laughed.

“I think in the catacombs, we are somewhat below gutter level aren’t we?” Dracul pointed out.

“That’s no excuse,” she shook her head.

They heard a clop! clop! clop! coming from one of the catacombs.

Then a peculiar voice that sounded like neighing and then singing, “Mr. Ed the Talking Horse! Of course! Of course!”.

Aztec vampiress and Canadian vampire hunter looked and there was a headless horseman (wearing a jack o’ lantern pumpkin for a head) riding a black horse.

A black horse that was wearing tap dancing shoes as it clopped along.

“Excuse me,” Van Helsing asked politely, “but do you know where a copy of the recently signed Pact of the Catacombs might be hidden in the catacomb walls?”.

“Well,” the Headless Horseman blew his carved out pumpkin nose with his handkerchief (a very tricky feat), “I was told by the Pope’s personal Monsignor Master of Ceremonies that a copy of the pact was hid in that wall down there.”

The headless horseman pointed.

“Thanks very much,” Van Helsing smiled.

“No problem,” the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow doffed his hat off his pumpkin head.

As the Headless Horseman’s horse trotted off towards the catacomb entrance with his headless rider, the horse sang his own paraphrased version of an old Charlie Rich song, “Hey, did you happen to see the most beautiful mare in the world? And if you did, was she sneezing, sneezing?…” 

A song that the horse Bucephalus Reborn sang in tribute to a long lost love of his who had a terrible allergy to hay.

“Got it,” Qonzilqointec grabbed the scroll from the wall.

She unrolled it.

“It appears Set’s worst fears are true,” she noted as she read it.

“I’ll text message him right now,” Van Helsing pulled out his smart phone and proceeded to do just that.
“Well, I suppose we better head back to London,” Qonzilqointec suggested.

“What’s the rush?” Van Helsing looked around, “I wonder what it’s like to make out in the catacombs?”.

Qonzilqointec approached him, “Are you asking me to make out with you in the catacombs?”.

“I am,” Van Helsing answered.

Later as Pope Francis was taking an evening stroll through the catacombs, he got the shock of his life.

“Great life force of the Amazon!” The pontiff exclaimed.

Being used to the confines of the Vatican, he wasn’t used to the sight of two people of the opposite sex making out with one another.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Sunday November 3rd
2019.

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Allatallahbel In The Bathtub

August 6, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Allatallahbel In The Bathtub

This sight greeted Samhain Cardinal Salaman when he walked into his apartment’s bathroom to take a bath.

It was Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“Allatallahbel!” Said an astounded Cardinal Salaman in his bathrobe dressing gown.

“Thinking of taking a bath?” She purred like a cat with the undertones of a lioness underneath.

“Well, I was…” Cardinal Salaman put down his shampoo and bath soap.

“I’ll let you take a bath eventually, your Eminence,” Allatallahbel stood up in her spiked stiletto high heeled shoes leaving indentations in the Cardinal’s bathtub, “but I want you to stroll the corridors of the Vatican with me first. There are things I want to show you.”

“You want me to stroll the corridors of the Vatican in my bath robe?” Cardinal Salaman inquired.

“I’ve seen clergymen running around the corridors of the Vatican wearing a lot less,” the vampiress smiled.

Cardinal Salaman had to admit that was true.

So Allatallahbel and the Cardinal went for a midnight stroll around the Vatican.

They saw the ghost of the late Soviet dictator Josef Stalin enter the apartment lodgings of Pope Francis.

“What are they doing meeting one another?” Cardinal Salaman was surprised.

“Stalin has been giving Francis some advice on how to restructure the John Paul II Institute in Rome,” Allatallahbel replied.

They entered a chapel where the demon Baphomet was playing jungle drums while a shaman from the Amazon rain forest did a sun dance.

They eventually got around to the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica where Amorous Laetita the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft lay asleep on the altar.

“I really don’t think it’s good for me to be here,” Cardinal Salaman remarked.

“What’s the matter, your Eminence?” Allatallahbel put a black painted fingernail against his lips, “Has the cat got your tongue?”.

The cardinal’s bathrobe fell to the floor.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 6th
2019.

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Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy

July 27, 2019 at 10:56 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Religion, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Uglocide Evening, Macron’s Whining, Malachi Martin Anniversary and Roy Cohn’s Pretty Boy

Pan Goatee had just entered the grocery store and went to pick up a cart when a medium sized ugly looking blimp approached to pick up a cart.

Goatee beat the blimp in picking up a cart first and then promptly beheaded the blimp.

“One must show patience,” remarked some idiotic bystander.

“You can spend all eternity showing patience,” Goatee answered as he beheaded the man.

Goatee then picked up the items he wanted to buy and then went and stood in line at the cashier.

Some ugly looking female stoat-human hybrid (in one of the many genetics experiments in southern Alberta gone horribly wrong) then went and rudely walked down the aisle past the customers waiting in line just to exit instead of using the proper exit.

Goatee then leapt across cash registers, got in front of the ugly looking female stoat human hybrid and beheaded her with his astral machete remarking, “You’re the best argument ever against the erroneous concept of white supremacy.”

Goatee wished he could track down the Nazi criminals from Argentina who had settled down in Calgary back in the 1990s and performed horrendous and blasphemous genetic experiments whose rotten hideous looking fruit were now coming to fruition in the teens decade of the early 21st Century.

But the Nazi criminals having done their damage apparently fled elsewhere.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron sat in his office feeling depressed.

In addition to being turned down for quickies from all the older women he had propositioned in Parisienne sidewalk cafés on this Saturday evening, Donald Trump had tweeted a nasty tweet against him earlier this week.

Macron was thinking of imposing a digital sales tax on American corporate tech giants when they sold items over the Internet in France.

Trump tweeted that if Macron went ahead with this proposal, he Trump would impose a tariff on French wines when they were imported into America.

And then in the unkindest tweet of all, Trump had brutishly tweeted, “American wines are better than French wines.”

Now Macron sat at his desk drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Paul Masson wine.

. . .

“It was 20 years ago today that Malachi Martin the former Jesuit priest (who left the Jesuit order because it was too homosexual and too Marxist for his liking) and well known exorcist and popular best-selling author died,” Cardinal JM the head of the Vatican’s Secret Intelligence Service remarked to Samhain Cardinal Salaman a former professional stage magician turned Vatican cardinal.

“I remember hearing about that at the time,” Salaman remarked, “what caused his death?”.

“He apparently fell off a ladder while trying to retrieve a book from the top of his book shelf in his Manhattan New York apartment,” Cardinal JM sipped a Manhattan cocktail and ate a New York bagel, “although there are some people who believe he was pushed off that ladder.”

“By whom?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

“Well one theory is it was by demons,” Cardinal JM bit into a devilled egg, “and the other is it was by a priest or bishop or maybe even a cardinal who was full of the spirit of Vatican II.”

“I’ve heard that it was Malachi Martin’s book The Keys of This Blood that inspired Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to become a geopolitical analyst,” Cardinal Salaman sipped his coffee.

“I’ve heard that too,” Cardinal JM shrugged, “anyhow Malachi Martin’s July 27th 1999 death couldn’t have come at a better time for the Vatican.”

“Why is that?” Salaman ate his baked salmon.

“Well the Jubilee year of 2000 was approaching and many people were pissed that the Catholic Church had never released the Third Secret of Fatima which it was supposed to have done in 1960 according to the Virgin Mary’s instructions,” Cardinal JM started eating a Belgian waffle, “but the Vatican plan after John XXIII was only to release the vision associated with the Third Secret not the text (Mary’s spoken words) of the Secret itself. However that posed a problem after Malachi Martin (who was the secretary to the Vatican Jesuit Cardinal Augustin Bea in 1960) left the Jesuit order. Martin as secretary to Cardinal Bea had read the Third Secret although he had taken an oath not to reveal it. And he never did reveal it. Although he dropped vague hints as to what was in it when he appeared on Art Bell’s Coast-To-Coast AM radio program back in the late 1990s. So the Vatican could never release the vision of the Third Secret and claim it was the text (Mary’s actual words) while Martin was still alive because then Father Martin would have said that the Vatican was full of you know what.”

Cardinal JM wiped his mouth with a napkin after eating a chocolate covered figure of a bull.

“Why doesn’t the Vatican want the text (Mary’s words) of the Third Secret released?” Cardinal Salaman asked.

“Well of course the Vatican has no problem with the global war or the fire falling from heaven causing tsunamis of steam to fall across the nations of the world everywhere or millions of people dying by the minute that’s mentioned in the Third Secret,” Cardinal JM cheerfully ate a gingerbread horse of the Apocalypse, “what it does have a problem with is Mary saying that Satan will infiltrate to the very top of the Church itself. Catholics across the world might stop dropping their money in the collection plate if word on that got out.”

“A wise decision indeed,” Cardinal Salaman bit into his Montreal smoked meat sandwich.

. . .

Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol was in New York City.

What brought him to New York were appearances of notorious American lawyer Roy Cohn’s ghost appearing across the world.

Whitstable deduced that Hades and Persephone had granted Cohn’s ghost permission to leave the Underworld for some reason.

So Whitstable had gone to New York to find out more about Cohn’s background.

The Interpol detective knew that Cohn had been Chief Counsel to the notorious Wisconsin Senator Joe McCarthy back in the 1950s.

He had also represented and defended several New York City Italian crime family bosses back in the 1970s.

Whitstable was currently interviewing an old acquaintance of Cohn in a run down New York City apartment.

The informer wore an empty cement bag on his head and a pair of used Nike running shoes on his feet so he wouldn’t be recognized.

“Well, Roy died of AIDS back in 1986,” the informer said.

“AIDS?” Whitstable repeated the statement.

“But Roy wasn’t gay,” the informer stated emphatically, “he always said that he enjoyed having sex with men. But he always insisted that he wasn’t gay.”

“Okay,” Whitstable nodded.

“But Sen. Joe McCarthy was gay,” the informer went on, “Roy’s personal secretary mentioned that in the book she was going to publish had she lived. But McCarthy covered it up during his life time. Being gay was the kiss of death for a U.S. politician in the 1950s. Unlike today where it seems to be working out very well for the current Mayor of South Bend, Indiana.”

“So Cohn said that he enjoyed having sex with men,” Whitstable took notes, “were they all one night stands or did he ever have a long term relationship with a man?”.

“There was one he had,” the informer answered, “in fact Cohn said in a public interview back in 1980 that this man used to call him 18 to 20 times a day each day. So you can see how intense the relationship was. This man also said himself in a public interview back in 1980 that Cohn protected him to the point of viciousness.”

“Wow,” Whitstable agreed, “That does sound pretty intense. Who was this man?”.

“The current occupant of the Oval Office in the White House,” the informer replied.

Roy Cohn and a mascara and make-up wearing young Roman soldier Donald Trump having a gay old time at a New York City nightclub on Saturday June 24th 1972.
The photo accompanied a story in the New York City edition of The Times of London on Monday June 26th 1972.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 27th
2019.

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Harvey Tallbanger Gets Trump To Call Off U.S. Military Retaliation Against Iran

June 21, 2019 at 10:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Harvey Tallbanger Gets Trump To Call Off U.S. Military Retaliation Against Iran

The London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had sent his secret agent the invisible 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger to spy on the meeting of Donald Trump’s Security Council last night.

The security council was made up of Trump, National Security advisor John Bolton, U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Sen. Chuck Schumer and various leading members of both houses of Congress.

Tallbanger hung around as Trump met with various leading Pentagon officials afterwards.

Trump was going to order military retaliation for the downing of a U.S. drone by Iranian forces.
However he happened to ask a general how many people might be killed in a retaliatory strike on Iran.

When the general answered at least 150, the invisible 6 foot 8 bunny rabbit spoke up, “You can’t kill 150 people just for the downing of an unmanned drone.
That’s totally disproportionate to what happened. Besides you shouldn’t be giving the president of Amazon any ideas for when their drone parcel deliveries are taken down either by accident or design.”

Upon hearing the words coming at him from an invisible voice, Trump called off the attack 10 minutes before it happened.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield told Athelstan the butler and valet to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set that he Renfield would not be named to the cabinet next month even if Boris Johnson won the British Conservative Party leadership and became Prime Minister.

“Apparently most world leaders, friend and foe alike, are resolutely opposed to me becoming Britain’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering,” Renfield informed Athelstan over his 24th glass of brandy of the past half hour.

“I’m most sorry to hear that, sir,” Athelstan brought Renfield another glass of brandy, “Weren’t there any world leaders that spoke in your favour?”.

“Only King Abdullah and Queen Rania of Jordan,” Renfield answered.

“I always admired King Abdullah and Queen Rania,” said Athelstan.

“Most intelligent people do,” Renfield answered.

“How does Boris Johnson feel about this?” Athelstan inquired.

“Hard to say,” Renfield downed his 25th glass of brandy, “Apparently Boris Johnson and his partner Carrie Symonds had a violent argument over the matter last night. Neighbours called police when they heard the commotion. Carrie Symonds told Johnson that he should tell Donald Trump, Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Emmanuel Macron to go fuck themselves along with the members of Britain’s deep dark state. Johnson apparently spilled red wine all over her sofa in response causing the ghost of Orson Welles to weep uncontrollably when he saw it happen.”

. . .

Allatallahbel the vampiress priestess of Baal had marked the morning of the summer solstice by performing human sacrifices in the catacombs below the Vatican.

Pope Francis awakened by the screams had spent the morning pondering what the French Jesuit theologian Pierre Teilhard de Chardin had thought of ETs (extraterrestrials) and whether he had written anything on the subject in his numerous writings.

. . .

Ares the Greek god of war, who had spent the night before celebrating with John Bolton and Mike Pompeo over the possibility of war with Iran, had spent all day today drowning his sorrows after Trump called off military action.

Athena the Greek goddess of wisdom on the other hand was very relieved.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday June 21st
2019.

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Asmodeus In London

April 22, 2019 at 10:30 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

The heavy cigarette smoking demon Asmodeus was in London, England having lunch with his compatriots the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith and her little green frog companion Nimrod (who was the Nimrod of Book of Genesis fame reduced to an amphibian).

“Has there been a revival of Eostre worship in this day and age?” Asmodeus asked Lilith.

Eostre was the name of an Anglo-Saxon goddess worshipped by Anglo-Saxons in England.

The early medieval English Church historian Bede had mentioned in his 8th Century manuscript The Reckoning of Time that during the month of Eosturmonabp (the Anglo-Saxon equivalent of the Roman month of April), the pagan Anglo-Saxons had held feasts in Eostre’s honour but during Bede’s time, this had been replaced by the Christian Paschal month a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus.

Tales associated with the Anglo-Saxon goddess Eostre included bunny rabbits laying eggs.

As The Guardian Newspaper writer and former Catholic Herald editor Peter Stanford ate a chocolate covered Baphomet at a table sitting across from them, Nimrod noticed on the television in the restaurant a news story about a woman telling Pope Francis that she had seven children.

Pope Francis admonished the woman that one shouldn’t go around breeding like rabbits.

At that point, a giant bunny rabbit hopped by in Saint Peter’s Square and laid a rainbow coloured egg on top of the Pope’s head.

Peter Stanford started choking on his chocolate covered Baphomet.

“I hadn’t heard there was a revival in Eostre worship?” Lilith looked perplexed, “Why do you ask?”.

“Well, there were headlines on both ABC News and The Washington Post that Tourists, Easter worshippers lament closing of Notre Dame. Then after the attack on churches and western tourist hotels in Sri Lanka that killed at least 290 people and injured 500 others, Barack Obama tweeted, The attack on tourists and Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka are an attack on humanity. And Hillary Clinton tweeted, I’m praying for everyone affected by today’s horrific attack on Easter worshippers and travellers in Sri Lanka. And Fox News talked about the attack on Easter worshippers in Sri Lanka that left so many dead. I was wondering with all these references to Easter worshippers if the worship of Eostre had been revived.”

“Well, you as a demon can’t mention aloud the Name of Jesus Christ can you?” Lilith smiled.

Asmodeus struggled to say the name but eventually gave up.

“Well, just like you as a demon can’t say the name of Jesus Christ, the Vatican’s chief exorcist for so many years Father Gabriel Amorth (who definitely had a 24/7 full time job performing exorcisms at the Vatican) noted that mortals who are under demonic influences likewise have trouble saying the name Jesus Christ. So since the term Christian has Christ in it, no doubt ABC News, The Washington Post, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Fox News can’t bring themselves to say that Christians were killed in the bombings so they use the term Easter worshippers instead.”

Peter Stanford who seemed to be having a wrestling match with his chocolate covered Baphomet quickly left the restaurant.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 22nd
2019.

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Allatallahbel and The Memorial Mass For Godfried Cardinal Danneels of Belgium

March 19, 2019 at 10:11 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )


The Vampiress Allatallahbel dressed for a memorial Mass for Cardinal Godfried Danneels of Belgium

In the midst of all the chaotic debate going on over Brexit, MP Renfield R. Renfield stood in the British House of Commons to make a statement, “Last week, Godfried Cardinal Danneels the Cardinal Archbishop of Belgium kicked the bucket. His Eminence, as he liked to be called, was best known for telling the nephew of a perverted Belgian bishop who had sexually assaulted the boy to drop the charges and forget all about it. He was also a member of the St. Gallen Mafia which helped elect the apostate Pope Francis. Hopefully they’ll remember to bury him face downwards so he can see where he’s going.”

Renfield sat down again.

The remarks Pope Francis spoke in the homily at the memorial Mass for Godfried Cardinal Danneels in the Vatican which Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal attended were somewhat different in tone from those expressed by Renfield.


Allatallahbel: She had come to hear Pope Francis praise Godfried Cardinal Danneels not bury him face downwards like Renfield would have done.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 19th
2019.

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Pope Francis Opens Synod On Sex Abuse By Putting Foot In His Mouth

February 20, 2019 at 11:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, Philosophy, Religion, The Occult, The Supernatural, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

This was the opening of the Vatican special synod on sex abuse.

The demons Baal and Baphomet sat in the chamber as special theological advisors to the body.

Pope Francis opened the synod by angrily waving his finger in the air and pontificating in Josef Stalinesque fashion, “Those who do nothing but criticize, criticize, criticize, criticize and further criticize the Church are friends of the Devil.”

Baphomet looked concernedly at Baal over these words.

Baal smiled reassuringly as he helped himself to a large tin of fresh unborn babies, “I think the Devil that the Unholy Father is referring to is the same Devil that the 19th Century French sorcerer Eliphas Levi referred to in his 1860 book The History of Magic and the Scottish Rite Freemasonic occultist Albert Pike referred to in his 1872 work Morals and Dogma which is the Devil is Adonai (the God of the Hebrews). Adonai and Lucifer are both God. Adonai is the dark evil side of God. And Lucifer is the lightbearing side of God.”

“That makes sense,” Baphomet tried to remain calm for the male/female human goat demon transgendered hybrid was having a bad day.

His/her breasts were lactating, his/her female genitalia was undergoing her period and his/her male genitalia kept undergoing premature ejaculations every 5 minutes.

In many ways, Baphomet’s current state was almost symbolic of the entire U.S. Democratic Party- the vast majority of whose members either knowingly or unknowingly worshipped the transgendered human goat demon hybrid.

As for Baal and Baphomet’s demonic rivals Mammon and Mephistopheles (either knowingly or unknowingly worshipped by the vast majority of U.S. Republicans), they were in the White House wondering how to get Trump out of the Oval Office and their own man Jared Kushner in.

As Pope Francis lambasted his critics for daring to criticize him and calling them “Friends of the Devil” (who may or may not be Adonai depending upon whether one is a practicing occultist or not), a group of victims of priestly sex abuse shivered in the cold out in Saint Peter’s Square wondering whether Francis would bother to meet with them.

He did not.

And Jorge Mario Bergoglio (who was anything but a true Vicar of Christ) continued to pave his way towards eventually winning the Ecclesiastical Asshole of The Millennium Award.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Wednesday February 20th
2019.


Pan: The Father of Baphomet who was turned to stone by the head of Medusa as he lay dying.
The stoned Pan now lies in the Vatican.

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