Set and Anubis Discuss The Demon Ahriman
The London based billionaire ancient Egy₱tian vam₱ire Set was having a meeting with his son Anubis the jackal headed Egy₱tian god to discuss the latter’s fact finding mission to the Middle East.
The A₱ostate Bisho₱ and The Ghosts of MacBeth and Lady MacBeth
Michelangelo the ₱sychic Lobster was in his aquarium at Set Enter₱rises Laboratories in London, England.
Egy₱tian Vam₱ire Set In New York City

Athelstan The Valet Listens To Portions of Renfield’s Podcast
The Greek goddess Hera listens to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Thursday night podcast.
She was horrified by the possibility that Russian President Vladimir Putin might launch a nuclear attack on the West.
Renfield seemed to have insider information from Russia as well as knowing the contents of the Third Secret of Fatima (whose text the Vatican claimed to have released back in 2000 but they lied. They only released a vision associated with the secret not the secret itself).
Hera decided she must do something.
She didn’t want to see the destruction of planet Earth.
She got in touch with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora who in her mortal life had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian I.
Theodora had been turned into a vampiress on June 28th 548 AD by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.
Otherwise Theodora would have died from cancer.
“Hello,” Theodora picked up her phone at her estate in Athens, Greece.
. . .
Senile old fool Joe Biden was not listening to Renfield’s Thursday night podcast.
He was sniffing the needles on his marijuana smoking cactus planet which inhaled marijuana cigarettes and then exhaled marijuana smoke.
Biden believed the cactus needles were the hair of The Woman In Green.
The Woman In Green was the name of a 1945 Universal Pictures Sherlock Holmes film with Basil Rathbone as Holmes and Nigel Bruce as Dr. Watson that he watched on late night television last night.
“Mr. President,” one of his aides entered the Oval Office.
“Ow,” Joe pricked his nose on a cactus needle, “What is it?”.
“The wealthy residents of Martha’s Vineyard are once again complaining about immigrants being sent there,” his aide said.
“Who’s sending immigrants this time?” Biden wiped his nose with a used diaper, “Ron DeSantis or Greg Abbot?”.
“Greg Abbott the Governor of Texas,” his aide answered, “But this recent batch of immigrants are different. These are zombie 15th Century Aztec warriors recently raised from the dead in Mexico by a South African witch doctor at the behest of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec who’s the goddaughter of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl (whom Utah Sen. Mitt Romney being Mormon thinks is the person of Jesus Christ when he visited the Americas according to Mormon teaching).”
“Why did Qonzilqointec send these zombie 15th Century Aztec warriors across the Mexico-U.S. border anyways?” Biden asked. “And does this Qonzilqointec have nice hair? Is it worth sniffing?”.
“Qonzilqointec is very beautiful, she does have nice hair and it probably is worth sniffing,” his aide explained.
“This new King Charles III of England was quite cranky when I sniffed the flowers on his mother’s coffin quite intently as the cameras looked away,” Biden recalled, “He asked me what the Hell I was doing? It was quite sad that it was a closed casket funeral. I quite enjoyed sniffing Her Majesty’s hair when she was alive. I wonder if…”
“Mr. President, to answer your 1st question,” his aide interjected, “The reason Qonzilqointec sent these living dead Aztec warriors across the border was to re-annex parts of the U.S. to a revived Aztec Empire.”
“But I don’t think Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts was ever part of the Aztec Empire,” Joe Biden reflected.
“It is now,” another aide entered the room.
. . .
Athelstan the butler and valet to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was doing his daily housecleaning duties around the Set Estate mansion.
British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who lived in the mansion) was doing his Thursday night podcast from his bedroom.
Athelstan occasionally listened in before going on to his next cleaning job.
As he passed the room, he heard Renfield say, “They are a bunch of Belgian waffles who have fruits all over them…”
“Is Renfield talking about breakfast?” Athelstan asked Amadeus Emanon as he walked by.
“No,” Athelstan shook his head, “I think he’s talking about the Belgian Conference of (supposedly) Catholic Bishops who have voted to approve blessing gay unions.”
Athelstan dusted Set’s statue of Napoleon.
He walked by Renfield’s room where he heard Renfield say, “The Vatican is a Communist craphole…”
When he finished dusting Set’s nude statue of Pauline Borghese as Venus Victrix, he passed Renfield’s room again where Renfield asked, “What does Joe Biden have in common with the Vatican?”.
When he had finished dusting the statue of Queen Cleopatra, again he passed Renfield’s room where Renfield said, “Meanwhile in other news, U.S. Vice-President Kamala Harris is bitching that a group of zombie 15th Century Aztec warriors have taken over her house…”
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday September 22nd
2022.
Greek Goddess Hera and Samhain Cardinal Salaman
The Greek goddess Hera was modelling at a fashion show in Rome, Italy
Bothered by the infidelity of her chronically unfaithful husband the Greek god Zeus, Hera was trying to gain some self confidence by modelling among the most beautiful women in the world at a fashion show in Rome.
Among the guests who would be attending the fashion show was Samhain Cardinal Salaman.
Cardinal Salaman was one of the few heterosexual Cardinals to work in Pope Francis’ Vatican which had been described by one commentator as “one vast uncloseted closet of gays”.
The Grindr hook-up app was the most downloaded app in the Vatican today.
Pope Alexander VI (aka Rodrigo Borgia) was turning over in his rotating barbeque spit down in Tartarus over the news that his Vatican of intense heterosexual lust and orgies had become a Vatican of intense homosexual lust and orgies under Pope Francis.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman was anxious to see real women for a change rather than the fairy queens who paraded up and down the halls of the contemporary Vatican.
Although according to members of Joe Biden’s cabinet and the brainless mainstream media there was no such being as a real woman anymore.
Samhain Cardinal Salaman was impressed by Hera’s performance on the catwalk in this early September Roman fashion show.
After the show was over, he went backstage to the dressing rooms to talk to the Olympian goddess.
“Excuse me but aren’t you the Greek goddess Hera?” Samhain Cardinal Salaman asked her.
Hera the beautiful goddess (often left alone by the “always searching for a new pussy” Zeus) turned to look at him.
“I am,” she answered, “Aren’t you Samhain Cardinal Salaman the only heterosexual Cardinal who works full time at the Vatican?”.
Later that evening the Cardinal and the goddess had dinner and wine together in an exclusive Rome restaurant.
“So how did you recognize me?” Hera asked the Cardinal.
“From your busts, statues and portraits that are kept in the lower floors of the Vatican,” Samhain answered, “At one time they were on the main floor of the Vatican but after Jorge Mario Bergoglio was elected Pope, all those works of art were moved downstairs and replaced by all the busts, naked statues and nude portraits of the ancient Greek gods. No goddesses allowed.”
“It’s a wonder why Francis has not commissioned new works of art for the Vatican that are inclined towards his tastes,” Hera licked a pair of olives from her martini.
“Well it was tried once with a notorious Australian male model named Uncle Ernie (who had posed for Salvador Dali back in the 1950s). Uncle Ernie served as the model for a nude Goliath. However after the world’s first microscope, invented by Dutch father and son team Hans and Zacharias Janssen in 1590 and kept in the Vatican Archives, was broken after the papal investigation team tried to locate something that was apparently far far less than gargantuan on Uncle Ernie posing as Goliath’s statue, a new work of art was never commissioned again,” Cardinal Salaman explained.
“Interesting,” Hera swallowed the olives.
They got around to discussing the recently failed Artemis 1 moon rocket launches.
“I’ve been told they failed because Artemis is furious that Joe Biden apparently killed at least two of her sacred deer on a deer hunting expedition last fall,” Cardinal Salaman ate his spaghetti.
“That is true,” Hera nodded, “Originally Artemis just thought that one of her sacred deer was slain. So senile old fool Joe sacrificed a daughter from an extra marital affair to Artemis last Thursday in Philadelphia. Just before Joe gave his Hitlerian Fuhrer like speech (with Nazi flag colours in the background behind him) in Philadelphia in which he threatened to send the military after half of the electorate in the country. ”
“Yes, I heard that Joe did such a good job at impersonating a Hitler under the influence of alcohol and an Henry VIII style over indulgence in roast beef (the original Fuhrer was both a teetotaler and a vegetarian) that apparently an independent film producer is thinking of making a film in which both Joe Biden and Justin Trudeau will have the lead starring roles,” Cardinal Salaman noted, “The movie will be about Adolf Hitler meeting Jesse Owens at the 1936 Summer Olympics.”
“Yes, I heard that too,” Hera smiled.
-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday September 5th
2022.
Demon Buffalo Watches Fauci Created Repulsive Ugly Looking Female Get Beheaded By Pan Goatee
The Black Forest Ham Sandwich at Subway restaurants is quite delicious.
Of course if Bill Gates, Justin Trudeau, the World Economic Forum and Pope Francis’ Vatican have their way, that will be replaced by the Black Fly Insect Sandwich.
As the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg noted, “Bugs are coming and we will eat them… sauteed, butteried, fried, boiled… and we will be grateful…”
Pan Goatee had just been in a Subway restaurant where he ate a Black Forest Ham Sandwich.
Something that would be unavailable after the World Economic Forum Great Reset on Sandwiches and Burgers had taken place.
As he crossed the street, he noticed a female cyclist on a bicyle wearing an overarching helmet, a bandana and dark sunglasses.
Goatee deduced that either she was an uglo (and didn’t want to be beheaded) or she was up to some nefarious activity.
Looking at the backpack on her back which was stuffed with green dye stained $100 bills as well as a handgun, Pan deduced that it was the latter. Although it could have been the former as well.
The satyr did not bother to find out.
He beheaded the criminal female cyclist and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Thus saving the Canadian taxpayer the cost of a court trial.
As Goatee walked down the street, he passed a bus stop booth where stood a really super repulsively ugly looking female.
She was not of the fat ugly blimp variety.
She was quite thin (no doubt having adopted the Bill Gates recommended Scarsdale Airhead Diet of mealworms and crickets).
Since Pan wasn’t going to catch a bus at that stop, he didn’t bother to behead the repulsive looking uglo.
Unbeknownst to Pan however, the repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo was an assassin working for mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci.
Fauci, in an Axis of Evil with the Norse trickster god Loki, was the man responsible for genetically creating hundreds of thousands of ugly looking women in the City of Calgary.
Both Fauci and Loki were ticked off at the fact that Goatee had beheaded so many of their ugly looking creation.
This particularly repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo had scored the highest score on a Fauci-Loki created IQ test administered among Calgary female uglos.
She had scored a whopping 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000001% on the answers.
So she had been given a Fauci-Loki invented laser death ray hand gun (that was available to the general public through a mail order house in Chicago) and instructed to vapourize Pan Goatee into non-existence.
The super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo pointed the laser death ray hand gun in the direction of Pan Goatee.
She should have pointed the gun straight at the satyr.
But being an airhead, she pointed the gun up into the air and vapourized a rope held scaffold platform sending some poor window cleaner plunging to his death.
She then raced and ran to get in front of Pan.
The fact that the satyr could still be seen walking down the sidewalk should have clued the clueless airhead into the fact that Pan Goatee hadn’t been vapourized into non-existence.
But being an airhead, she had no clue.
Goatee then beheaded the super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x etc. etc. … pieces.
The Greek god Ares (who was filling in for the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon Krampus who was on summer vacation) arrived to pick up the remains of the super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo and carry them down to Tartarus.
The Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake stopped Ares.
“Allow me,” the demon buffalo’s eyes glowed fiery red, “to carry this ugly looking bitch’s remains down to the lowest level of Hell where she belongs.”
As the demon buffalo of Buffalo Lake carried the ugly looking bitch down to the lowest level of Hell where she belongs, Pan Goatee decided to go to his favourite downtown lounge to have a cool refreshing drink on this hot summer day.
As he approached the lounge he noticed a super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo standing about a dozen feet away from the entrance.
Not wanting to take any chances that this uglo was likewise a Fauci-Loki trained assassin, Pan likewise beheaded this super repulsively ugly thin female uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.
Ares arrived to pick up the remains.
. . .
Pope Francis was sitting in his office.
A Jesuit anthropologist and folklore expert who had been sent to Alberta to discover the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake entered the office to orally deliver his report.
“So Father Grimm, what have you discovered about the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake, Alberta?” Bergoglio asked.
“Hadn’t we better lower the Cone of Silence and I can tell you on the off chance that Vladimir Putin has this place bugged… or I should say… wiretapped?” Father Grimm suggested.
The Vatican’s Cone of Silence had been invented by a Jesuit inventor who had drank one too many tequilas and who had watched one too many episodes of the 1960s television series Get Smart.
Pope Francis pushed an intercom on his desk, “Cardinal Frutti, lower the Cone of Silence.”
The Cone of Silence was lowered.
“So, Father Grimm,” Bergoglio addressed the Jesuit anthropologist and folklore expert, “what have you found out about the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake?”.
“Nothing,” Father Grimm replied.
“Cardinal Frutti,” Francis again pushed the intercom on his desk, “Raise the Cone of Silence.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written Friday July 22nd
2022.
Renfield Addresses UK Catholic Parents Conference
British MP Renfield R. Renfield had been invited to address the UK Catholic Parents Conference.
The President of the UK Catholic Parents Conference Mr. Finnegan Nyet Awake had been asked to select a speaker for tonight’s conference.
While under the influence of seven glasses of Scotch whisky, Finnegan decided on MP Renfield totally oblivious to the fact that the Vatican would definitely not approve of his choice.
Renfield began his speech to the UK Catholic Parents Conference this way,
“Do you remember? Do you remember when “the Pope” wasn’t a lurid yellow-teethed ghoul who wanted to destroy the Mass and put you and your family in a quarantine camp? I remember. God bless Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI. One who did not have the Seat of Saint Peter purchased for him by George Soros. I’d like to start my address by reading a recently discovered addendum added to the list of anathemas of the Council of Trent (1545-1563). The addendum, lost for centuries until now, reads thus, “If any whose name be Jorge Mario Bergoglio, let him be anathema…”
. . .
The anchorman for the Set News Network (SNN) read the following news headline,
“The UK’s own government data shows that 286% more deaths occurred among the vaccinated than among the unvaccinated…”
. . .
Meanwhile at a Ronald McDonald House in Vancouver British Columbia, a family whose 4-year-old son is being treated for leukemia are being evicted from the facility (a charity that provides a temporary home to pediatric cancer patients and their families free of charge while they’re being treated at local hospitals) because they’re not vaccinated against Covid-19.
Said the boy’s father, “This is some kind of crazy evil like I’ve never seen in my life.”
Shortly after the boy’s father made the statement, holographic images of Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung, Pol Pot, Justin Trudeau, Nazi Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels, CNN’s Jim Acosta, Dr. Josef Mengele and Dr. Anthony Fauci appeared outside the Vancouver Ronald McDonald House holding up a huge banner that read, “WE ARE NOT EVIL.”
. . .
As Amadeus Emanon sat at the back of the auditorium, his friend Renfield was delivering the final line of his speech to the UK Catholic Parents Conference,
“The fact that there’s a Highway To Hell and only a Stairway To Heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic numbers.”
Amadeus thought sadly about one of his favourite singers Ronnie Spector the lead singer of The Ronettes who died today at the age of 78.
Ronnie Spector the lead singer of The Ronettes
Amadeus said a silent prayer that Ronnie Spector was on that Stairway To Heaven following in the footsteps of actor Sidney Poitier who left this earthly existence a few days ago.
Holographic images in front of Ronald McDonald House in Vancouver heard the AC/DC song Highway To Hell played in back of them.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday January 12th
2022.
Ghost of Richard M. Nixon Comments On An Award Winning Logo
July 4, 2022 at 9:48 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Vampire novel) (Ghost of Richard M. Nixon, Giacomo Travisani, Pope Francis, Renfield R. Renfield, Richard M. Nixon, Rome, The Ghost of Richard M. Nixon, The Vatican, Vatican)
“Pope Alexander VI has several mistresses but I want only you”
The Renaissance Popes were notorious for the number of concubines and illegitimate children they had.
That problem would not affect the Vatican 500 years later.
BBC News Announcer: Pope Francis’ choice of a “rainbow” logo by a male Italian massage therapist is sparking a firestorm with a phone number linking the logo designer to a gay porn site.
At a press conference in the Apostolic Palace this past Tuesday June 28th, the Vatican declared Giacomo Travisani (a practitioner of New Age healing and sensual massage therapies) the winner of its contest for the logo of the Vatican Jubilee Year 2025.
Travisani wiped his professional Facebook page clean on Friday morning July 1st as controversy over his sexuality and profession escalated.
A mobile phone number on the therapist’s professional Facebook page has been identified as the same number on a gay porn website.
The number advertises, in Italian, a “beautiful massager for singles, couples at home.”
In the description, Travisani describes himself as “a nice masseur, dark, cute, beef, male, performs only at home, anti-stress massage for him only or couples” offering “50 minutes of relaxation, well-being and intense plesure”.
Pope Francis personally picked Travisani’s logo as the winner of the top 3 chosen submissions Archbishop Rino Fisichella told reporters at the Tuesday June 28th Vatican press conference.
The contest received 294 entries from 213 cities and 48 different countries with participants ranging from 6 to 83 submitting their art work.
“In fact,” Archbishop Fisichella noted, “many were handmade drawings by children all over the world and it was truly moving to review these drawings that were the fruit of imagination and simple faith.”
“But,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield commented as he watched the BBC News story on his television, “In Pope Francis’ eyes, what was the fruit of imagination and simple faith could not compete with the fruit of a fruit.”
Renfield’s friend Amadeus Emanon was watching the same BBC News story on his television.
He was also reading a book that was a biography of the late former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon.
The page he was reading detailed a conversation that then President Nixon was having with a White House aide, “That Bohemian Grove is the faggiest goddamned thing you can imagine. I never shake hands with anyone who comes from San Francisco anymore.”
As BBC showed the Giacomo Travisani winning logo for Jubilee 2025 that consisted of 4 Sodom and Gomorrah Rainbow Pride individuals hugging a broken, bent and twisted Cross, the ghost of Richard M. Nixon appeared alongside Amadeus Emanon and commented, “That Pope Francis chose the faggiest goddamned design you can imagine. You better not shake hands with anyone who comes from the Vatican anymore.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 2nd
2022.
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