Friday The 13th: 13th October

October 13, 2017 at 2:50 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Friday the 13th: 13th October

Cardinal JM approached Pope Francis with the shocking news.

An ancient Canaanite Vampiress Priestess of Baal, six Vampiric Knights-Templar, a Headless Horseman with a Jack O’ Lantern pumpkin head riding a zombie black horse who kept singing a silly song from an early 1960s American TV comedy Mr. Ed the Talking Horse and a giant black cat who was wearing a hockey goalie 🥅 mask that she couldn’t seem to get off her head had taken over the Vatican without a shot being fired.

“What do they want?” Pope Francis asked wearily.

“They want to be put in charge of training the papal Swiss Guards,” Cardinal JM replied.

“Well, who am I to judge?” Pope Francis took out a nail file and started to file his fingernails.

Outside in Saint Peter’s Square, a lone figure stood out in the middle of the square and said while looking up at the dome of Saint Peter’s Basilica, “Jacques de Molay, thou art avenged.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 13th
2017.

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Pope Francis and The Secret Message From Kim Jong-un

October 10, 2017 at 7:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Pope Francis and The Secret Message From Kim Jong-un

The Vatican Cardinal known as Cardinal JM walked into Pope Francis’ apartment.

“Holy Father,” said JM, “The Vatican has received a message from North Korea’s 🇰🇵 leader Kim Jong-un that is for your eyes only.”

“For me?” Pope Francis took off his glasses and wiped them.

“Yes,” Cardinal JM handed him the Vatican diplomatic corps dispatch box.

The Bishop of Rome opened the dispatch box and looked at the message.

“It’s written in Korean?” Pope Francis looked at Cardinal JM.

“Well,” Cardinal JM cleared his throat, “I imagine the Dear Leader (or whatever the Hell he’s called)’s Latin is rather shaky.”

“As is mine,” Pope Francis admitted, “but my Korean is even worse.”

Cardinal JM was immediately on the phone trying to track down a Korean translator.

3 hours later, the cook from one of Rome’s most popular Korean restaurants was in Pope Francis’ apartment.

The cook read the translation and also handed out copies of the restaurant’s evening take-out menu to all those present.

When he finished, he left.

“And do we have a copy of the manuscript to which the Dear Leader refers in the Vatican?” Pope Francis asked.

“I believe we do, Holy Father,” Cardinal JM stroked his chin 🤔.

He was soon on the phone to the monk in charge of the Vatican Archives.

The monk Head Archivist was apparently taking his evening cappuccino break and wouldn’t be back for another 6 hours.

“But we have no time to lose,” Francis cried, “World War III could break out at any minute.”

“I’ll go to every cappuccino bar in Rome and try to track him down, Holy Father,” Cardinal JM put on his coat and walked out the door.

This should certainly cure my caffeine fix for the next year, Cardinal JM thought to himself as he walked out into the night.

Meanwhile in the papal apartment, the clock on the wall was ticking.

Tick tock… tick tock…

The Pope remembered a song he had once heard an American youth group sing,

“The kings of West and East
they play a game of war and peace…”

Tick tock… tick tock…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 10th
2017.

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Renfield, Political Correctness and Krakens

September 18, 2017 at 6:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield, Political Correctness and Krakens

British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was making another speech to the UK 🇬🇧 House of Commons Parliamentary All-Party Foreign Affairs Committee after having read a blitheringly idiotic statement by Hollywood actor George Clooney on the Charlottesville incident.

Before his speech, Renfield held up for the committee a drawing he had done of George Clooney and various American late night talk show hosts sitting in a school classroom wearing DUNCE caps on their heads.

Said Renfield, “In consideration of the defining moment in history that Charlottesville has become on the road to a new global tyranny that seems to be emerging in the U.S. (political correctness taking the form of an all-encompassing Orwellian super state), we mustn’t be afraid to continuously give the assholes and idiots in the innately stupid American political establishment the raspberry they so richly deserve.”

Renfield took a sip of his martini (shaken not stirred in James Bond 007 fashion).

He continued.

“Now of course, Neo-Nazis and Ku Klux Klansmen are racist scumbags while the anarcho-communistic thugs and hooligans of Antifa are non-racist scumbags but that doesn’t mean that those belonging to Antifa are any less violence prone scumbags,” Renfield finished his martini 🍸, “to say otherwise is like saying that Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and Pol Pot weren’t such bad fellows after all since at least they weren’t racist like Adolf Hitler was.”

. . .

“It’s rather unfortunate that Cardinal Robert Sarah is black,” said the liberal Vatican 🇻🇦 Cardinal Walter Kasper, “if he was a white man, our great beloved and dear leader Pope Francis would have no qualms about immediately removing him from his post as Prefect of the Congregation For Divine Worship for suggesting such backwardly outdated ideas as priests should be allowed to say the old Latin Tridentine Mass if they wish and that furthermore the Mass should be said ad orientem (towards the East- where Christ is said to return according to our outdated Biblical mythology which is so definitely pre-Vatican II).”

“I wholeheartedly agree,” said Cardinal Reinhard Marx (who lived up to his family name).

. . .

In Rome, the ancient Egyptian vampire Osiris was reading a book 📖 called How To Spot A Good Kraken From A Bad Kraken.

His smart phone went off and he answered it.

It was his wife and sister-in-law the Egyptian Vampiress Isis calling from Paris.

“Darling,” Isis breathed into the phone, “I want you to come to Paris and meet the Kraken Napoleon VI and his lovely wife Medusa.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 18th
2017.

. . .

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Dracul Van Helsing and Cassandra Sibylline In Rome

August 6, 2017 at 3:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter and MI-6 Diablos Nocturna Division spy Dracul Van Helsing had received a lengthy email from his friend Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

According to Whitstable’s information and sources, the Norse wolf Fenrir had apparently thrown up the head of Hecate (the Greek goddess of witchcraft) on the Temple Mount.

The regurgitation of the witchly head had led to rioting and fighting between Jews and Palestinians on the Temple Mount.

When it was time for supper, both Jews and Palestinians went home leaving the Temple Mount vacant.

It was during this brief interlude of quiet that a Jesuit priest by the name of Father Mundum Contra Athanasius (who was one of Pope Francis’ leading theological advisers) found the head and took it back to Rome with him.

Peter Whitstable was now wondering what had happened to the head.

He suspected that one of Rome’s leading spiritist mediums Cassandra Sibylline (who served as psychic adviser to many of the Curia based Cardinals in Rome) might possibly know where the head of Hecate now was.

“I think you’d enjoy meeting Cassandra Sibylline,” Whitstable had told Van Helsing, “I want you to meet with her and use your Adonis like charm to get her to tell you where the head of Hecate is now located.”

Van Helsing looked at his watch.

This was the spot all right.

The ancient stairwell near the Fountain of Caligula.

And there she was.

Cassandra Sibylline in all her vestal virgin glory.
Cassandra Sibylline On Steps of Ancient Roman Stairwell

“So you want to know where the head of Hecate is now located, do you, Mr. Van Helsing?” She laughed, “I refuse to talk.”

“We have ways of making you talk,” Van Helsing quoted a Nazi villain from those old time movies.

He mounted Cassandra Sibylline on the steps right then and there and made wild passionate love to her.

A group of Japanese tourists on a tour bus just above them had a field day taking pictures of the event and posting them to Facebook and Instagram.

“All right, all right,” she gasped after she had orgasmed for the 1001st time, “the head of Hecate was given to Cardinal JM (the member of the College of Cardinals who worships the ancient Greek god Zeus). He placed the head behind the High Altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica.”

“Unholy abomination of desolation, Batman,” Dracul Van Helsing paraphrased Robin the Boy Wonder from the old 1960s TV series Batman.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 6th
2017.

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A Jesuit Priest and His Spiritist Medium

July 25, 2017 at 4:07 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Jesuit Father Antonio Spadaro SJ was Editor-In-Chief of the Vatican’s official newsmagazine La Civilta Cattolica.

Presbyterian pastor Rev. Marcelo Figueroa was Editor-In-Chief of L’ Osservatore Romano’s Argentinian edition.

Both men had recently written an article in La Civilta Cattolica attacking political alliances formed between Evangelical Christians and Traditional Catholics in the U.S.

For their hatchet job on this alliance, they consulted the spirits of the late Nazi Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels and the late Stalinist NKVD Soviet secret police head Lavrentiy Beria.

The two ghosts of opposing political persuasions were channeled for the two clergymen by Rome’s leading spiritist seer Cassandra Sibylline.
Cassandra Sibylline
Cassandra Sibylline- a spiritist medium adviser to one of the Vatican’s most influential Jesuits.

The article was met with mixed reviews.

Leftists everywhere loved the article.

Rightists not so much.

Now Father Spadaro and Rev. Figueroa were turning their attention to a British politician Renfield R. Renfield who was recently elected to Parliament.

Renfield was asked by a reporter for the Church Times whether he believed in God or the Devil.

Renfield said that being an atheist, he believed in neither.

But then he added that should these two supernatural beings actually exist, then Pope Francis was probably the biggest of all Satan’s useful idiots on Earth.

The comment was not met with a very favourable reaction by a certain high-ranking member of the Vatican hierarchy.

And this high-ranking official asked his two friends Father Spadaro and Rev. Figueroa to then do a hatchet job on Renfield R. Renfield.

So Father Spadaro and Rev. Figueroa were once again channeling the ghosts of Goebbels and Beria through spiritist seer Cassandra Sibylline for advice- this time on how to do an editorial hatchet job on Renfield R. Renfield.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 25th
2017.

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Renfield Examines Pope Francis’ Call For A United States of Europe

July 10, 2017 at 3:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Newly elected British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield was examining his parliamentary briefing notes for the day- particularly those with regard to foreign and global affairs.

Last Thursday, Pope Francis had apparently given an interview to 93-year-old atheist Eugenio Scalfari.

The interview was published in last Saturday’s La Repubblica.

After saying in the interview that “America and Russia, China and North Korea, Russia and Assad” all had distorted visions of the world, Pope Francis then gave his own vision for the world, “Europe must assume as soon as possible a federal government and federal parliament, not from individual confederated countries.”

In effect, Pope Francis was calling for a United States of Europe.

Renfield wondered what the end result of all this would be?

He decided to ask the one individual who would probably know- Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

So Renfield went down to the Set Enterprises lab to talk to the genetically created psychic crustacean.

As Renfield walked through the lab door, he asked, “Hey Michelangelo, what do you think of Pope Francis when he calls for a United States of Europe?”.

Michelangelo in his aquarium happened to be holding in his lobster claws a waterproof copy of the King James Bible (for the lobster loved the sheer beauty of Shakespearian era English) and he just happened to be reading the Book of Revelation, Chapter 13 verse 11, “And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 10th
2017.

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Abe Lincoln’s and Jefferson Davis’ Ghosts In Vatican

March 20, 2017 at 3:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The ghostly figure in the top hat looked around.

He didn’t recognize the place.

But President Lincoln knew he was back on Earth.

A place he hadn’t been in some 152 years.

Lincoln looked and saw another ghostly figure approaching.

He recognized it as the ghost of his arch enemy Jefferson Finis Davis the President of the Confederate States of America.

As Lincoln saw Davis’ specter approach, he reflected on something he often felt when he looked at Davis’ photos when alive, “It’s like looking into a mirror and seeing oneself reflected- the reflection of one’s dark side.”

Abraham Lincoln Jefferson Davis

“Is this some sort of cosmic joke you’re playing, Abe?” Jefferson Davis asked, “Rubbing salt into the wounds of the defeated Confederacy?”.

“I have nothing to do with this,” Lincoln answered, “I thought this was some sort of black magic conjured up on a soulless run plantation in the Deep South.”

The spirits of both men remained silent as sudden strong gusts of wind came up and dark clouds blew over the gardens where they were standing.

Pope Francis and a group of Cardinals walked by and through the spirits of the two men.

“I think we’re probably in the Vatican in Rome,” Abe Lincoln finally spoke.

“I’d have to agree,” Jefferson Davis answered.

From one of the rooms overlooking the Vatican gardens, two intruders looked down- two intruders who could see the ghosts of Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis.

The intruders were Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

“Who do you think summoned the ghosts of Abe Lincoln and Jefferson Davis to the Vatican?” Whitstable asked Van Helsing.

“Probably someone who hasn’t read the Biblical account of what happened when the Witch of Endor managed to actually summon Samuel’s spirit from the realm of the dead for King Saul of Israel,” Van Helsing answered.

“And who might that be?” Whitstable inquired.

“Most likely a Vatican Cardinal,” Van Helsing answered.

“Probably Cardinal JM,” Whitstable raised the ancient grimoire volume of necromancy he held in his hands- a volume whose autographed inscription read, “To Cardinal JM my personal favourite amongst all my devotees in the Vatican Curia of Cardinals, yours with love, Hecate, Hellenic goddess of witchcraft, sorcery and necromancy.”

“Undoubtedly,” Van Helsing nodded.

Whitstable’s wiretap sounded an alarm.

“Who is that?” Van Helsing asked.

“It’s George Soros text messaging Pope Francis,” Whitstable replied.

Van Helsing’s own Samsung Galaxy 7 smart phone went off.

“Who is that?” Whitstable asked.

“The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec,” Van Helsing replied.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 20th
2017.

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Hecate In The Vatican

March 2, 2017 at 7:43 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol were busy walking the halls of the Vatican.

Unofficially of course.

Since Dracul Van Helsing had been banned from the Vatican for calling German Cardinal Walter Kasper a heretic (even though he is one!).

Dracul Van Helsing had written a Monty Python Lumberjack Song style script in which Cardinal Kasper had gone around singing, “Oh, I’m a heretic and I’m okay.”

Cardinal Kasper was not amused.

And neither was his boss Pope Francis.

Van Helsing and Whitstable were in the Vatican because they had been informed by sources in the know that Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft, necromancy and sorcery had been seen wandering the halls of the Vatican.

“Well,” Dracul commented, “no doubt Alexander Hislop the author of The Two Babylons is dancing with joy in his grave at the fact that Hecate has been spotted wandering the halls of the Vatican..’

Hecate had been spotted in the Vatican in each one of her three forms- maiden, matron and crone.

“This,” Whitstable opened the door to the room of the enigmatic Cardinal JM, “is the room from which Hecate first emerged according to our source.”

Van Helsing and Whitstable entered the room which was empty of any Crosses, Crucifixes or statues of Mary and the Saints.

There on the Cardinal’s altar was an unusual assembly of paraphernalia.

“That doesn’t look like Greek sorcery there,” said Whitstable, “it looks more like Haitian voodoo.”

“It does,” Van Helsing agreed,

“And there appears to be a photo of some Cardinal whose image has been made into a voodoo doll stuck with pins,” Whitstable pointed, “Do you recognize the Cardinal, Dracul?”.

“It’s Raymond Leo Cardinal Burke,” Dracul replied, “the former Patron of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta.”

“What did he do to inspire Cardinal JM’s hatred?” Whitstable asked.

“I don’t know,” Dracul Van Helsing shrugged, “but it appears there’s something rotten in the state of the Vatican.”

Meanwhile in his suite in the Kremlin, Russian President Vladimir Putin was dreaming of a vision he had encountered in the forest outside Moscow last autumn.

The vision was of Hecate in her maiden form handing him a crystal ball in the shape of a purple globe of the world.

Hecate The Greek Goddess of Witchcraft In Her Maiden Form

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 2nd
2017.

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Pope Francis Gets A Letter From The Ex-Gorgon Medusa

January 14, 2017 at 1:32 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pope Francis was in his bed reading The Communist Manifesto and The Collected Writings of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin as well as a new book Towards Better Ecumenical Relations With The Jehovah’s Witnesses (which was written by a Brooklyn Jesuit).

“Holy Father…” one of his aides entered the room.

“Please call me Francis,” Francis directed.

“Francis…” his aide suddenly changed his train of thought, “You haven’t been drinking have you, Holy Father?”.

“What makes you say that?” Francis looked at his aide.

“Your nose is awfully red,” his aide pointed at it.

“Oh, that,” Francis felt his nose and pulled off a red clown nose, “This was given to me as a gift by yet another circus troupe visiting the Vatican.”

“Oh, I see, Holy Father… I mean, Francis,” his aide corrected himself and then returned to the gist of his original thought and reason for calling on the Pope, “You’ve received yet another letter from Medusa.”

“The former Gorgon?” Pope Francis took off his glasses and stopped reading.

The former Gorgon Medusa had been brought back to life and de-Gorgonized a couple of years earlier by Set Enterprises’ resident mad scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher (who had a habit of reviving all things mythological- particularly all things relating to classical Greco-Roman mythology).

Back in December 2015, Medusa had contacted Francis regarding her common law partner The Kraken (who called himself Napoleon VI) and her Medusa being crowned Emperor and Empress of France in Notre Dame Cathedral that month.

Medusa was worried that she might be called “a loose woman and a harlot” if she participated in the Coronation ceremony since Napoleon VI had never formally married her or even made her a proposal of marriage.

Pope Francis was unsure how to answer the question so he had passed the matter off to one of his theological advisors Cardinal Walter Kasper of Germany.

Cardinal Kasper told Medusa not to worry and to go ahead with the ceremony.

Now Medusa was contacting Francis regarding she and her husband The Kraken being able to receive Communion in a Catholic church.

She and the Kraken were now formally married, Medusa explained.

A Siberian shaman in Vladivostok had performed their marriage ceremony this past New Year’s Day.

She Medusa had converted to the Greek Orthodox Church last year and her husband The Kraken (a former atheist) had converted to both Nepalese Buddhism and the U.S. Southern Baptist Convention last year.

She was wondering if under those circumstances, she and her husband would still be eligible to receive Communion in the Catholic Church.

Pope Francis directed his aide to once again pass the question on to Cardinal Walter Kasper.

His aide bowed and left the room.

Francis once again put on his red clown nose and went to sleep fully confident that Cardinal Kasper would grant Medusa’s request for Communion in the affirmative.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 13th
2017.

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Donald Trump: Heading To The White House

January 13, 2017 at 1:20 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“Adolf Hitler is the most over-rated dictator ever” Donald Trump the President-elect tweeted when a New Age psychic who claimed she could channel spirits reported that Adolf Hitler’s ghost had referred to Mr. Trump’s policies as racist.

When he had finished tweeting, the President-elect went to his first press conference where he spent most of his time telling off reporters.

“You’re an idiot,” Trump said to one reporter.

“You’re a moron,” he said to another.

“You’re a total scumbag,” he blasted yet another.

“Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, and good day,” Trump ended the press conference.

One of Trump’s aides handed Mr. Trump a mobile phone saying, “The President of Russia is on the line, Mr. President-elect.”

Trump took the mobile and put it to his ear, “Hi Vlad baby. How’s it going? You want to annex Ukraine and Georgia? (to his aide) Say, did Georgia vote for me or for Hillary? What was that, Vlad? Oh, you’re not talking about the state where Gen. Sherman made an entire southern flambe out of the City of Atlanta? The former Soviet republic on the Black Sea? Sure, go ahead. Most of its leaders- their last names I can’t pronounce plus they’re awfully difficult to spell.”

He handed the mobile back to his aide.

“I just read in the National Enquirer,” Trump spoke to another aide, “that a painting has been discovered in a Paris art gallery. It’s apparently a sixteenth century painting said to have been painted by Nostradamus and the painting reportedly shows the Vatican in Rome being burnt to the ground by Muslim invaders. I want you to find this painting for me. Get an art expert to determine if it’s genuine and if it is, buy it for me. I’d like to present it as a gift for Pope Francis.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 12th
2017

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