The Wolfman and Joseph Stalin

October 30, 2017 at 7:55 pm (Culture, Entertainment, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Horror, Humour, International Intrigue, Movies, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Wolfman and Josef Stalin

It was Christmas 1941 and Der Fuhrer Adolf Hitler was enjoying a private screening of the recently released 1941 American horror film The Wolfman with Lon Chaney Jr. in the title role.

“What a delightful film,” Der Fuhrer purred as he wiped sauerkraut off his lips with his napkin, “it makes me glad that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor and not Hollywood.”

“Indeed,” Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels agreed as he swallowed a huge German sausage.

“I have something I’d like to show your Excellency,” the Ahnenerbe scientist Dr. Fritz Falkenberg stated.

“Please, I’ve looked at enough German sausages tonight,” Der Fuhrer remarked as he sipped a pinkish fruit cocktail.

“No,” Dr. Falkenberg spoke an incantation and the character of the Wolfman emerged from the film reel projector.

“Great Odin!” Hitler shrieked.

Dr. Falkenberg spoke the incantation backwards and the Wolfman returned into the film reel projector.

“Impressive,” Der Fuhrer clapped his hands and then wiped them with a napkin.

“I have taken the liberty of mailing a copy of The Wolfman film to Soviet Communist Party General-Secretary Josef Stalin,” Dr. Falkenberg explained, “with the incantation spoken over the film. When Stalin watches the film, the Wolfman will jump from the screen and kill him.”

“I hope you haven’t mailed it using a Third Reich post mark,” Goebbels ate a Polish pickle, “otherwise Stalin won’t open it. Our two countries are at war you know.”

“I used one of our spies in Canada to mail the movie from Ottawa to Moscow,” Dr. Falkenberg explained.

What Dr. Falkenberg hadn’t counted on was the slowness of Canada’s postal service.

The film didn’t arrive in Moscow until March 5th 1953.

Stalin was attacked and killed by the screen leaping Wolfman during the course of the film.

Radio Moscow promptly attributed Stalin’s death to natural causes.

Der Fuhrer was not alive to enjoy the announcement.

-A Halloween short story
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 30th
2017.

Permalink 9 Comments

Renfield Interrogates A Member of Boko Haram

May 10, 2014 at 7:38 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Interrogates A Member of Boko Haram

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard had a very important prisoner down in the cell.

He was a member of the Boko Haram terrorist group who had been captured by British commandos in northeastern Nigeria.

The commandos captured the Islamist terrorist without help from members of the regular Nigerian military in the region (who were busy masturbating over watching American and Japanese porn films on their smart phones and tablets thanks to the help of a Google drone in the region providing high-flying wi-fi Internet access).

Inspector Depp’s task was to get the prisoner to reveal the whereabouts of the over 250 kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls.

Inspector Depp’s knowledge and past experience had shown him that the best person to interrogate and extract information from total scumbags was none other than one Renfield R. Renfield who was the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was delighted to get the call from Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard.

It had been a few months since he had last interrogated and tortured anybody.

He didn’t want to lose his touch.

He was so happy about getting the call to interrogate somebody, he didn’t even finish the tuna fish sandwich he was eating (Renfield had a severe addiction to eating tuna fish sandwiches).

Instead he put it in a paper bag, put a combination lock on the bag (so no one else could get at it) and put the bag in the refrigerator and then promptly closed the refrigerator door.

He then grabbed his tool kit of torture instruments and put on his hat and coat while whistling the song Whistle While You Work.

As he ran out the door, he almost knocked over the white evening dress wearing New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont who was here to go on a Saturday night dinner date with Renfield’s sole friend in the world Amadeus Emanon prior to her performing in a late evening performance of a new West London musical adaptation of the 1941 Lon Chaney Jr. movie The Wolfman in which she sang the role of Gwen Conliffe.

“Can’t talk now,” Renfield called out after her.

. . .

Renfield entered the cell where the Boko Haram prisoner sat.

Renfield slapped his tool kit down on the table and removed his instruments of torture while he continued to whistle the song Whistle While You Work.

The Boko Haram prisoner tried to look brave although his eyes kept growing wider each time Renfield removed an instrument from his tool box and kissed it.

“So,” Renfield smiled a wide smile at the prisoner, “I hear you black guys have 9-inch penises. Might be the reason why Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling hates you guys so much.”

The prisoner said nothing.

But smiled a big smile.

“Well,” Renfield grinned, “if it’s true, by the time I’m finished with you, you won’t have a 9-inch penis anymore.”

The prisoner stopped smiling.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 10th
2014

Permalink Leave a Comment