Jack O’ Hare Meets Mr. Ed The Talking Horse
Gwen with Mr. Ed the Talking Horse
Jack O’ Hare was playing with a telegraph set practicing his Morse
When those Halloween X-Solar flares unleashed a powerful force
And sent him hurtling through space-time wildly off course
Back to the time of Mr. Ed the Talking Horse
Asked Jack, “Are you Mr. Ed the Talking Horse?
Replied the noble equine, “Of course! Of course! Of course!”.
“And who are you?” Jack asked the fair maiden,
“Gwen Conliffe,” she said on night when moon wasn’t fadin,
Then she added,
“Even a man who is pure in heart
And says his prayers at night
Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms
And the autumn moon is bright.”
In the distance Larry Talbot’s tormented soul howled
And in far off tracks of Talbot estate one lone wolf growled.
“Tis Halloween,” said Jack as space-time went off course,
“The only time of year,” said Mr. Ed, “where you’ll meet a talking horse.”
-A poem written by Christopher
Friday October 29th 2021.
Sophia, Yaldabaoth, A London Werewolf and The Wolfman
A black and white photograph taken of the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess Sophia by Orson Welles in 1938
Sophia was worshipped as a goddess by early Gnostic groups emerging in the 1st and 2nd Centuries AD and their successors throughout the centuries.
Sophia was a daughter of Athena- she being born from Athena’s head just like Athena was born from Zeus’ head.
However on one occasion while visiting India, Sophia ran into the Hindu moon god Soma.
The lunar deity Soma gave Sophia some of his psychedelic elixir of immortality also called Soma to drink.
Sophia took quite an out of this world trip as a result.
She claimed to be an emanation – the last in a line of a series of emanations from a divine impersonal force she called the Ein Sof (meaning the Infinite or “Endless One”).
She went to Alexandria in Egypt in the 1st Century AD where she gave this revelation to many of the Neo-Platonist schools in the city.
Gnosticism developed as a result.
While in Egypt, she encountered the immortal Egyptian scientist Imhotep (he who had served as Chancellor to the Egyptian Pharaoh Djoser and was high priest of the Egyptian sun god Ra at Heliopolis).
Imhotep was trying to determine whether it was scientifically possible for a woman to have a virgin birth.
Sophia volunteered to be Imhotep’s guinea pig as it were.
She gave birth to a strange little being called Yaldabaoth.
The little fellow (and indeed he remained little all of his immortal life) travelled to Ireland where he became the world’s first leprechaun.
To this day Yaldabaoth enjoys drinking and spinning yarns and hiding pots of gold at the end of rainbows in his adopted country of Ireland.
However Sophia did not mention that to the Neo-Platonists of Alexandria.
Instead she said that her son Yaldabaoth was a Demiurge who foolishly created the material physical world (Sophia had imbibed some of the teachings of some Buddhist schools in Alexandria that the material physical cosmos was inherently and intrinsically evil) and that this Demiurge Yaldabaoth was the same as the god YHWH (Yahweh) worshipped by the Hebrew peoples.
This teaching was adapted and taught by a man named Marcion in the 2nd Century AD.
However Sophia who had now been a virgin for what she considered forever longed to have sex at last.
Imhotep had recently brought the Greek goat god Pan back from the dead.
Pan had died after drinking too much wine at a wedding celebration in Cana of Galilee (after he had laughed at one of the lunatic servants who told him that an hour earlier the wine had just been plain water).
As soon as Sophia saw the Imhotep resurrected Pan, she fell in love and they slept together.
Pan after having one Hell of an orgasm (and with a virgin at that) decided to celebrate by digging around Cana of Galilee again to see if there were any jugs of that delicious wine left.
Turns out there was, Pan drank it and promptly died again (this was wine to die for as far as Greek goat gods were concerned).
Anyhow Sophia turned out to be pregnant after her encounter with Pan and she gave birth (this time in a non-virginal fashion) to Baphomet the half-human half goat half male half-female entity.
Baphomet had the Norse god Loki as his tutor for several years and then Baphomet was adopted as a son by the fallen angel Samael.
On Samael’s advice, Baphomet was made a demon.
In 1938, Sophia had met the young Orson Welles on the same day as his infamous War of the Worlds Broadcast on radio and he had taken her photo.
Now Sophia was back in the United States again.
She was going to be attending a Super Wolf Blood Moon party this coming Sunday in Washington DC.
The party was being thrown by a British Lord- Lord L who was one of the high ranking members of the Illuminati (Coincidentally the founder of the Illuminati the Jesuit priest and canon law professor Adam Weishaupt had come into possession of the gnostic Pistis Sophia manuscript in 1773 which told one version of the gnostic Sophia myth- 1773 was also the same year the Jesuit order was suppressed by Pope Clement XIV. Weishaupt founded the Illuminati 3 years later in 1776).
Also attending the party would be Sophia’s old friend the Hindu moon god Soma.
Soma would be bringing bottles of the hallucinogenic elixir drink likewise called Soma with him.
Unbeknownst to NASA, the Chinese were using the Chang’e 4 lunar probe
to mine Soma on the moon.
They were flying the Soma elixir of life back to Earth for the Lord L party again unbeknownst to NASA because NASA employees were busy falling asleep listening to the speeches of Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer on who was responsible for the U.S. government shutdown.
Sophia smiled as a snow white hare in the Washington DC snow hopped by.
. . .
In London, a 119 year old Jesuit priest who had spent most of his life in Tibet and who had been the one to warn botanist Dr. Wilfrid Glendon not to look for the Mariphasa lupina lumina the phosphorescent wolf-flower which blooms by the light of the moon (and not the sun) because no one ever returned alive from the valley where it bloomed (the story was the subject of the 1935 film The Werewolf of London) was walking the streets of London.
He was hoping to locate the whereabouts of the Church of England’s most pre-eminent exorcist the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was currently in London.
Coincidentally enough, the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds was the grandson of the Rev. Father Augustine Bury Saint Edmunds who as a young priest had served as a curate and deacon at an Anglican Church in Llanwelly Wales a village which itself had been haunted by a werewolf (that story was the subject of the 1941 film The Wolfman).
The 119 year old Jesuit was hoping to inform Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds that a Welsh werewolf former British Labour Member of Parliament Magog Rhys Petley who now lived and worked as a private eye in London was going to be sacrificed at Lord L’s Washington DC Super Wolf Blood Moon Party in an effort to make a group of influential bankers and politicians immortal (Ironically enough Magog Rhys Petley had become a werewolf after he was bitten by the severed head of Rahu the Hindu demon of eclipses during a lunar eclipse back in 2011).
And the way the world was being sodomized by all kinds of forces these days- that’s all the poor old Earth needed at the moment- a bunch of crooked bankers and politicians who would live forever.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 18th
2019.
Renfield Interrogates A Member of Boko Haram
Renfield Interrogates A Member of Boko Haram
Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard had a very important prisoner down in the cell.
He was a member of the Boko Haram terrorist group who had been captured by British commandos in northeastern Nigeria.
The commandos captured the Islamist terrorist without help from members of the regular Nigerian military in the region (who were busy masturbating over watching American and Japanese porn films on their smart phones and tablets thanks to the help of a Google drone in the region providing high-flying wi-fi Internet access).
Inspector Depp’s task was to get the prisoner to reveal the whereabouts of the over 250 kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls.
Inspector Depp’s knowledge and past experience had shown him that the best person to interrogate and extract information from total scumbags was none other than one Renfield R. Renfield who was the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
. . .
Renfield R. Renfield was delighted to get the call from Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard.
It had been a few months since he had last interrogated and tortured anybody.
He didn’t want to lose his touch.
He was so happy about getting the call to interrogate somebody, he didn’t even finish the tuna fish sandwich he was eating (Renfield had a severe addiction to eating tuna fish sandwiches).
Instead he put it in a paper bag, put a combination lock on the bag (so no one else could get at it) and put the bag in the refrigerator and then promptly closed the refrigerator door.
He then grabbed his tool kit of torture instruments and put on his hat and coat while whistling the song Whistle While You Work.
As he ran out the door, he almost knocked over the white evening dress wearing New Orleans Vampiress Angelique Dumont who was here to go on a Saturday night dinner date with Renfield’s sole friend in the world Amadeus Emanon prior to her performing in a late evening performance of a new West London musical adaptation of the 1941 Lon Chaney Jr. movie The Wolfman in which she sang the role of Gwen Conliffe.
“Can’t talk now,” Renfield called out after her.
. . .
Renfield entered the cell where the Boko Haram prisoner sat.
Renfield slapped his tool kit down on the table and removed his instruments of torture while he continued to whistle the song Whistle While You Work.
The Boko Haram prisoner tried to look brave although his eyes kept growing wider each time Renfield removed an instrument from his tool box and kissed it.
“So,” Renfield smiled a wide smile at the prisoner, “I hear you black guys have 9-inch penises. Might be the reason why Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling hates you guys so much.”
The prisoner said nothing.
But smiled a big smile.
“Well,” Renfield grinned, “if it’s true, by the time I’m finished with you, you won’t have a 9-inch penis anymore.”
The prisoner stopped smiling.
. . .
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 10th
2014
Dracul Van Helsing 
The Mummy, The Wolfman and The Serial Killer
August 8, 2013 at 6:14 pm (Commentary, News, Vampire novel) (British Airways, Cairo, Cairo Egypt, Egypt, Lilith, Magog Rhys Petley, moving rotating ancient Egyptian statue, Neb-Senu, Pan Goatee, satyr, serial killer, The Mummy, The Wolfman, vampire novel, Vampiress Lilith, Welsh Werewolf)
The Mummy, The Wolfman and The Serial Killer
The flight to Cairo was indeed a long one.
Pan Goatee explained to Magog Rhys Petley that this was his first time on a plane as he usually astral projected with his astral body to various destinations all over the world.
Magog buried his head in his hands and then ordered another buttermilk from the flight attendant.
However Pan Goatee continued to drone on coincidentally at the same time a U.S. drone flew by carrying a sign that said Yemen or bust.
Pan explained that he had gone down to the airport in person to see what trouble he could cause there.
“I’m a musician by profession but serial killing is my hobby,” Pan Goatee remarked as he played on his harmonica a short piece from the theme music to Alfred Hitchcock’s movie Psycho.
“What do you do? Bore your victims to death?” Magog wondered to himself.
“So anyways I was down at the airport trying to see what trouble I could cause,” Pan droned on as the U.S. drone exploded in a self-induced suicide bombing brought on by the motormouth satyr’s constant blabbering, “and I happened to see you. And I noticed you carried in your body the spirit of my friend Neb-Senu.”
This time Magog ordered a triple whisky when the flight attendant came around again.
Pan Goatee explained that the last time he had seen his extraterrestrial and ancient Egyptian friend was when Neb-Senu had become trapped in a test tube in a doctor’s office in the West Bank town of Bethlehem.
Magog did have to wince when Pan Goatee mentioned the name of the doctor.
It was the same doctor he had visited in Bethlehem to get a shot for a possible sexually transmitted disease after he had paid a nocturnal visit to the town prostitute a beautiful and alluring and mysterious redheaded woman who called herself Lilith- a woman whom the townspeople said was a vampiress.
So Pan explained that when he saw Magog at the British Airways boarding gate to Cairo with the spirit of Neb-Senu inside the portly Welsh baritone’s frame, he decided to use a credit card from his most recent victim (his victim being dead, he would be unable to phone in to cancel it) to purchase a ticket on the same flight as Magog.
“And that’s how I’m here beside you,” Pan grinned.
Magog finished his sixth triple whisky and then despite being an atheist, said a silent prayer of thanks to Allah when the plane’s Captain announced that they’d soon be landing in Cairo.
Mercifully for Magog as well, Pan Goatee was detained by Egyptian Customs for not having a visa and so the Welsh werewolf British Labour MP was able to hail a taxi to his hotel without the obnoxious and monotonously boring and boastful serial killer following him.
But that was yesterday.
Magog awoke to the sound of The Beatles singing “I believe in yesterday…” on the alarm clock radio next to him.
He got up and went over to the dressing room table mirror (a 19th Century antique that had once belonged to a magician).
As he looked at himself in the mirror, he thought he momentarily caught a glimpse of a ghostly spectral figure of an ancient Egyptian mummy inside his body.
To be continued.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 8th
2013.
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