The X-Files Enter Michelangelo’s Dreams

July 4, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Short play, Short play/ comedy, Television, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

The X-Files Enter Michelangelo’s Dreams

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster after binge watching 1990s episodes of The X-Files starring David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson then went to sleep 💤 in his aquarium at Set Enterprises and dreamed an X-Files related dream.

Fox Mulder (drinking a glass of bourbon) : What I want to know Scully is what do the highest levels of the U.S. government want with the Greek nature god Pan’s perfectly preserved body?

Dana Scully (shrugging): I have no idea, Mulder. I have no idea what the highest levels of the U.S. government are thinking. Or even if they think at all.

Nicotine Patch Inhaling Man (sitting at the next table in the bar): I wish my doctor hadn’t advised me to give up cigarette smoking. I imagine I look pretty stupid doing this. (continues to inhale the nicotine off the patch with his nose)

Mulder (musing aloud): I wonder if it’s possible for someone’s hairpiece to be more fun than a barrel of monkeys?

Scully: What are you aiming at, Mulder? For someone to describe you in a tweet as “a mediocre FBI agent. Spends time chasing UFOs 🛸, Sasquatch and Loch Ness monster. Huge FAIL.”

Mulder: You think the Big Chief would actually mention me, Scully?

Scully: Considering the amount of time you spent watching that Stormy Daniels porn video last night, you and he do have something in common.

Mulder (smiling): Yes and it didn’t cost me $130,000 either.

Scully: But you’re right, Mulder. The government obviously wants something with the Greek nature god Pan’s perfectly preserved body.

Mulder: Genetic research at DARPA?

Scully: Most likely, Mulder.

Mulder: Which catacomb below the Vatican is the Greek nature god Pan located in?

Scully: The hieroglyphs under the base of Michelangelo’s statue of the nature god Pan reveal the whereabouts of the catacomb, Mulder.

(A small tabby cat walks by combing its fur with a comb in its paws 🐾)

Mulder: By Michelangelo, I take it you mean the Renaissance sculptor and painter, Scully, and not the psychic lobster who’s asleep in his aquarium at Set Enterprises dreaming about us?

Scully: Exactly, Mulder.

Mulder: And I strongly suspect that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster will use the information he gleaned in this dream to inform the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and Set will therefore beat both DARPA and America’s Twitterer-In-Chief in getting the Greek nature god Pan’s body first.

Scully (smoothing her skirt and crossing her legs): Of course, Mulder.

Nicotine Patch Inhaling Man (after inhaling the tape that came with the patch): I must inform the Twitterer-In-Chief about this.

(He adjusts his election style campaign pin button on his suit which identifies him as a member of Skull 💀 and Bones 🍖 to other Skull 💀 and Bones 🍖 Society members. The button has on it two facial images- the image on the left is of Dana Scully and the image on the right is of DeForest Kelley’s Star Trek character Dr. Leonard H. McCoy)

At that moment, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster awoke.

Someone had left the TV on in the lab and BBC News had a breaking news story about how an intruder with a machete was found in Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s greenhouse.

Apparently the intruder was stopped by one of Mr. Trudeau’s greenhouse plants.

BBC News Announcer: “The Canadian Prime Minister apparently owns a genetically created cactus 🌵 plant that has a mouth and has the ability to smoke marijuana cigarettes. The plant was specially developed for him by Set Enterprises scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher right here in London. The cactus 🌵 plant apparently blew pot smoke 💨 in the machete wielding intruder’s face and sent him higher than a kite. The intruder is apparently undergoing surgery at Ottawa General Hospital to have cactus 🌵 needles removed from his goat 🐐 like furry bottom after he landed on top of the pot smoking cactus 🌵 plant and was busy shouting at the greenhouse ceiling, “The Nibiruan ET grays are coming. And Gali-Gula is their leader.”

“Meanwhile President Trump had apparently issued a tweet in which he offered condolences to the Canadian people over the death of Mr. Trudeau. He later deleted the tweet and said he was misled by fake news…

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 4th
2018.

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Fox and Scully: An X-Files Christmas

December 24, 2015 at 8:01 pm (International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Fox and Scully: An X-Files Christmas

Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was dreaming.

And in his dream were FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully of the X-Files.

Mulder: Do you believe in the existence of demons, Scully?

Scully (looking at him) : Define demons, Mulder.

Mulder (laughs) : Ever the sceptic eh, Scully. Well I’m not talking about the inner demons that psychologists and psychiatrists talk about. Nor addictions be it drugs, alcohol, sex.

Scully: Sex addiction eh? (laughs) That’s what you are, Mulder. A sex addict.

Mulder: Sex addict? You really think I’m a sex addict, Scully?

Scully (raises her skirt and crosses her legs) : A sex addict who isn’t getting any sex. That makes you the most dangerous kind. A person who then has the ability to sense the Supernatural when it brushes in on the material plane of existence.

Mulder: I’d love to discuss this fascinating theory of yours sometime, Scully.

Scully: Sure, Mulder. Then I’ll sleep with you. And the end result will be you’ll just become a regular normal run-of-the-mill FBI agent. The X-Files will be shut down. And supernatural entities will then have free reign all over planet Earth to bring about their plans of chaos and disorder.

Mulder: Which brings me back to my original question, Scully. Do you believe in the existence of demons? Demons hereby being defined as usually unseen supernatural entities with the ability to occasionally penetrate this material plane of existence- entities that were once angels- but who fell either as a result of joining a chap called Lucifer in rebellion to overthrow God or angels who fell as a result of a desire or inclination to sleep with mortal women which they did- thereby resulting in their fall.

Scully (laughing) : A desire or inclination to sleep with mortal women? There’s your sex addiction coming through again, Mulder.

Mulder: If you’re going to carry on like this, Scully, maybe we should just go into the bedroom for a quickie right now and get this whole X-Files business over with once and for all.

Scully (laughing) : I’m sorry, Mulder. I do find it fascinating though that you have separated the two events.

Mulder: Two events?

Scully (smiling) : Of how angels became demons. First there were angels who joined Lucifer in rebellion against God. They fell and became demons. Then there were angels who lusted after mortal women – they gave in to this inclination and thus fell and became demons. So there were two sets of demons- angels who were originally revolutionaries and then angels who became horny and then literally became horny (along with pitchfork and tails) afterwards.

Mulder: Well according to the 1st Book of Enoch which is the long expanded non-Reader’s Digest non-condensed narrative of the events described in Genesis Chapter 6, God had set those angels as Watchers over the Earth to watch over humanity. Why would God choose demons as Watchers? If you read the narrative carefully, those Watchers were originally good angels who fell as a result of giving in to their desire to sleep with mortal women.

Scully: All right, Mulder.

Mulder: I was told that in Eastern Orthodox Church tradition angels had up until the 1st Coming of Christ to decide whether they were for or against God. Once Christ arrived the 1st time in incarnate form as a babe in Bethlehem, the choices angels had made up until that point in time decided their eternal fate. Michael, Gabriel and Raphael had consistently chosen for God so their eternal fate as good angels was finally sealed at Christ’s 1st Coming. Just like for humans, the choice is open up until the moment of their death or until the 2nd Coming of Christ (whatever happens first in the respective lives of humans) to decide to be for or against God.

Scully (smiling) : This is fascinating, Mulder. You should have become a priest.

Mulder: I’d have problems with celibacy, Scully, for reasons you deduced earlier in our conversation.

Scully (smiles) : Are you saying that I’m right, Mulder?

Mulder: You’re always right, Scully.

Scully (crossing and uncrossing her legs several times) : True compliments have their rewards, Mulder.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 23rd
2015.

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Allah’s Daughters and The Satanic Verses

March 13, 2014 at 8:09 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Allah’s Daughters and The Satanic Verses

The Iranian Imam who was a leading figure in the government in Tehran was having a dream.

He was having a dream that Allah’s three daughters Al-Uzza, Al-Lat and Manat (mentioned in the Satanic Verses before they were removed from the Quran) were seducing him and having carnal relations with him.

As they did so, they whispered in his ear, “The time to destroy the Zionist entity known as Israel is now.”

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin was having a dream.

In the dream, he was being seduced by the beautiful ancient Babylonian Vampiress Lilith.

The Vampiress whispered in his ear.

Vladimir answered, “I obey, Mistress.”

. . .

The Controller of the Golem was sitting in his Mossad office in Jerusalem.

He was reading a confidential document sent to him by Peter Whitstable the man known as the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

Whitstable investigated all things occult and supernatural.

The Controller of the Golem had a hard time believing what he read in this particular Whitstable X-File.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 13th
2014.

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