Song For Theme Music From Hawaii Five-O

February 22, 2011 at 11:27 pm (Humour, Mystery, Vampire novel) (, , )

“That was Dr. Cadbury Rocher phoning from the lab,” Amadeus Emanon put down the phone, “he says the Heart of Atum-Ra keeps on disappearing and then reappearing in the lab.”

Renfield R. Renfield who was busy playing with his new iPhone 4 and also writing on a piece of paper said, “I’m not surprised. Reports of a mysterious beating heart suspended in mid-air and emitting a bright purple light have been seen all over the world. The Heart of Atum-Ra must have the ability to teleport itself somehow. I’ll have to look into that in another day or two.”

“You mean you’re not currently interested in a subject like teleportation now?” Amadeus was surprised.

“No,” Renfield shook his head, “as you no doubt know I still have not received an invitation to attend Prince William’s and Kate Middleton’s wedding.”

“I’m shocked, shocked I tell you,” Amadeus grinned, “in the same way as the Vichy French police inspector played by Claude Rains was shocked when he discovered gambling was going on in Rick’s Cafe in Casablanca.”

Amadeus had watched the movie Casablanca the night before.

Renfield gave Amadeus a nasty glance.

He too had seen the movie.

“So what are you doing about it?” Amadeus asked.

“Well,” Renfield smiled, “I read in the paper today that Charles Prince of Wales will be attending the performance of a song writing competition tonight at the Royal Albert Hall. The purpose of the competition is to award a prize for someone writing lyrics for a TV show musical theme that currently does not have a song attached to it. I figured I’ll write a song and perform it and Prince Charles will be so impressed by my performance he’ll ask Prince William to invite me to the Royal Wedding.”

“To what TV show music theme that doesn’t currently have a song attached to it- are you going to write a song for it?” Amadeus asked.

“I figured I”ll write a song to the tune of the theme music from the TV show Hawaii Five-O,” Renfield grinned, “it has a pretty catchy tune don’t you think? Da-da-da-da-da da-da-da-da.”

“So what did you come up with?” Amadeus asked.

“Nothing yet,” Renfield shook his head, “I don’t have much musical talent.”

Renfield suddenly looked at Amadeus.

“Say you have musical talent, Amadeus,” Renfield buttered up his fellow employee, “being a concert pianist and everything. Will you write some lyrics for me set to the tune of the theme music from Hawaii Five-O?”,

“It says here in the paper,” Amadeus noted the article, “that it is to be an original composition written by the performer. And the performer will be you. So you’ll have to write it.”

“Who’ll know?” Renfield asked, “I certainly won’t tell anybody.”

“So, what’s in it for me if I help you?” Amadeus asked.

“I’ll buy you a box of a dozen chocolate eclairs from Ma Malone’s Bakery,” Renfield said, “and you can eat them all for yourself.”

Amadeus thought about this for a few seconds.

“All right,” Amadeus agreed.

Renfield handed him the pen and paper.

* * *

Later at the Royal Albert Hall that evening…

“Your Royal Highness and Ladies and Gentlemen,” the Master of Ceremonies smiled, “our next performer is Mr. Renfield R. Renfield who will be singing the song he wrote for the theme music for the American TV show Hawaii Five-O.”

Renfield walked up to the microphone holding a piece of paper and grinning.

Renfield so confident in his own abilities had never bothered to read beforehand the lyrics Amadeus had written for him.

Renfield knew the theme music to Hawaii Five-O by heart. It would just be a matter of singing the lyrics to the tune he knew so well.

Renfield began singing to the tune of the theme music from Hawaii Five-O,

“My name is Steve McGarrett,
I’m going to eat a carrot,
My name is Steve McGarrett,
what should I call my parrot?”.

Those were the only 4 lyrics that Amadeus had written.

Those 4 lyrics were to be repeated 25 times by the singer/performer until the music ended.

However 20 seconds into the song, Renfield was pelted off the stage by all the tomatoes thrown at him.

The Prince of Wales had a basket of his homegrown Cornwall greenhouse tomatoes with him and started passing them out to members of the audience as soon as Renfield started singing the unique lyrics.

* * *

Renfield immediately dove into the billionaire Egyptian vampire Set’s Rolls-Royce limousine which was waiting for him at the back door.

When the chauffeur noticed all the tomatoes on Renfield’s suit and jacket, he handed him a jar.

“Perhaps, you’d like some mayonnaise to go with that, sir,” the chauffeur quipped.

To be continued.

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