Xi Jinping Plans To Bang Italian Harlot In Shanghai While Continuing With His World Domination Plans

December 19, 2020 at 11:57 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Communist China’s paramount leader the evil megalomaniac Xi Jinping was talking to his Supernaturnal entity advisor the Black Dragon who had emerged from a black hole in the Andromeda Galaxy eons ago.

“Heilong,” Xi asked the Black Dragon, “What’s the name of that airheaded Italian harlot I always bang whenever I visit Shanghai?”.

“That would be Ambra Schilliro the Italian Commie journalist and Babylonianish harlot social butterfly who flutters around on her Social Cloud spreading Chinese Communist Party Public Relations (what British MP Renfield R. Renfield refers to as Neo-Maoist propaganda and bullshit) in the countries of China, Italy, the U.S. and Korea.”

Xi putting on a fertilizer cologne, “Yes, that’s the one. Book me an appointment with her for tonight.”

“But I understand 666 members of the Shanghai branch of the CCP had booked to bang her in one massive gang bang tonight,” Heilong pointed out.

“Well, put them on hold,” Xi foamed, “As always happens to me when I use my Huawei phone these days. I had to break down and start using Samsung.”

A PLA soldier approaches Xi, “Your Almightiness, we regret to report that our People’s Red Army just got our asses kicked by India’s Army on the India-China border again.”

“Well cover it up like we did before,” Xi barked.

Later in Shanghai, Xi paid a visit to the Italian harlot Ambra Schilliro.

He inserted his organ into Ambra’s mouth.

“Think of it as sucking on an egg roll,” Xi said neglecting to mention that egg rolls were a lot larger.

He then inserted it into the orifice between her front legs.

And then inserted it into the orifice between her back legs.

And then inserted it into her left nostril.

“Think of it as a Covid-19 test,” Xi had said.

He then inserted it into her right nostril.

“Think of it as a Covid-19 re-test,” Xi pontificated.

He then inserted it into her right ear.

“Think of it as a wax cleaning,” Xi smiled.

He then inserted it into her left ear as he remarked, “More wax cleaning.”

Heilong had put on dark sunglasses as he watched the spectacle.

“That Italian harlot,” Heilong noted, “seems to be getting as many orifices penetrated as Procopius the Byzantine historian (and secretary to the Byzantine general Belisarius) noted happened to Justinian’s wife the Empress Theodora in Procopius’ Secret History.”

The Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who had dropped into Shanghai to pick up an order of Shanghai Fried Rice) overheard Heilong’s remarks and said, “Everything Procopius wrote about me is a lie.”


Theodora: Everything Procopius wrote about her is a lie

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 19th
2020.

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The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora In Ravenna

September 28, 2020 at 11:00 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora in Ravenna Italy – the city that was the capital of Byzantine Italy from 540 AD to 751 AD.

Theodora when in Istanbul yesterday had managed to talk the Transylvanian Count Dracula (aka the Wallachian Prince Vlad Dracula) into going to Armenia and fighting the Azeris over the territory of Nagorno-Karabakh (Nagorno is a Russian word meaning “Mountainous” and Karabakh is the Russian rendering of an Azeri word meaning “Black Garden”. Armenians call the territory Artsakh an ancient Armenian name for the area).

A recently retired Israeli Mossad agent (whose code name was the Controller of the Golem) joined Dracula in fighting alongside the Armenians.

Theodora had come to Ravenna because she had heard that her arch enemy the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith was planning to come to the city to meet with six Vampiric Knights-Templar and their Hessian mercenary ally Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden (better known to the world as the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow).

Lilith was hoping to get the six Vampiric Knights-Templar and the Headless Horseman to fight alongside the Azeris in the Nagorno-Karabakh Conflict.

The six Vampiric Knights-Templar and the Headless Horseman had helped Allatallahbel the vampiress Priestess of Baal (who was an ally of Lilith) seize control of the Vatican back on Friday October 13th 2017.

An event that had not been covered by the mainstream Marxist media in the Western world and they had no excuse of a Covid-1984 plandemic (which they’re always yacking about in this year of 2020) not to have covered the story.

Theodora sat waiting for the Headless Horseman to ride by riding his zombie black horse Bucephalus Reborn that he apparently did at this time of day.

She knew that on this day he’d be riding to meet Lilith.

Theodora meanwhile had put up signs around the city’s cafes and restauraunts that said SORRY, WE’RE ALL OUT OF PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE.

Theodora’s assistant Mulligan the Irish Zombie (whom she had rented from London art gallery curator and dealer Dashwood Forrest) stood not far from her with a coffee stand.

As Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow came riding along with his carved jack o’ lantern pumpkin head, Theodora shouted in Italian to people passing by, “Free pumpkin spice latte if you help yourself to the nearest piece of pumpkin that you can see and bring it over to Mulligan’s Coffee Stand where he’ll make it for you.”

The hapless Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow found himself being charged at by a large group of people who ripped off his pumpkin head and fought over pieces of it before taking slices over to Mulligan’s Coffee Stand.

The Headless Horseman would be unavailable for his meeting with Lilith.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday September 28th
2020.

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Theodora vs. Lilith: Armenia-Azerbaijan Conflict

September 27, 2020 at 9:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith have been involved in their own personal conflict for the past 20 years.

Now that personal conflict has been extended to the former Soviet republics of Armenia and Azerbaijan over the territory of Nagorno-Karabakh.

Earlier today the conflict re-erupted with the heaviest clashes in years.

Today’s fighting involved the use of tanks and other forms of heavy weaponry.

Armenia and Azerbaijan have been fighting for control of the territory since the USSR was dissolved back in 1991.

A ceasefire was agreed in 1994 although there has been sporadic fighting on and off since then.

Though nothing compared to today’s exchange of heavy weapons fire.

Nagorno-Karabakh was an autonomous region within the old Soviet republic of Azerbaijan but the majority of the territory’s population is ethnic Armenian.

When Armenia and Azerbaijan became independent republics, the territory’s Armenians wanted the region to become part of Armenia.

A war was fought leading to one million people being displaced and 30,000 killed.

A stalemate has presided since the 1994 ceasefire.

This past summer Turkey’s increasingly megalomaniacal President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (who fancies himself the new Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire) had been encouraging Azerbaijan in its efforts to take back Nagorno-Karabakh.

Erdogan’s support emboldened Azerbaijan.

Armenia’s defence ministry said Azerbaijani forces launched an attack on civilian settlements including the regional capital of Stepanakert this morning.

Armenia’s government declared total military mobilization of its forces.

Armenian Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan warned that the region was on the brink of a large scale war.

In the basement of his house in Wilmington Delaware, senility prone Joe Biden asked his marijuana pot smoking desert cactus plant Sweet Dementia, “How will World War III affect my chances of getting elected President of the United States?” before falling fast asleep into his bowl of Kellogg’s Fruit Loops.

The Byzantine vampiress Theodora hoped to get rid of Erdogan and restore the Byzantine Empire with Constantinople (Istanbul) as its capital.

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith meanwhile was hoping to get Turkey’s Erdogan on board with launching an attack on the State of Israel (Lilith believed that the Jewish people had maligned and libeled her good name in the Babylonian Talmud and so was out for revenge).

Theodora spent much of the past summer beating up Erdogan for turning Byzantine Orthodox Christian churches and monasteries into Islamic mosques.

Lilith spent much of the past summer giving Erdogan blow jobs so that he’d be orally pleasured into attacking Israel.

Since Erdogan backed Azerbaijan in the Nagorno-Karabakh conflict, Lilith did the same.

And since Erdogan backed Azerbaijan in the Nagorno-Karabakh conflict, Theodora backed Armenia.


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora (wearing Dr. Cadbury Rocher developed sunscreen for vampiresses) in Constantinople: She backs the Armenians.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday September 27th
2020.

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Theodora On Eve of Hagia Sophia Caliphate Service

July 23, 2020 at 10:42 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

A reporter asked British MP Renfield R. Renfield, “Mr. Renfield, when Lenin seized power in Russia in late 1917, he said there would be people in the West who would inadvertently aid the Bolshevik cause. Lenin said that such people are “useful idiots”. With the Neo-Bolshevik insurgency that you say is currently going on in the U.S., who would you say fits the category of “useful idiots” this week?”.

“Well, I would say that group of people who call themselves the Wall of Moms in Portland Oregon are the #1 prime contenders,” Renfield answered.

“Speaking of Portland Oregon, what do you think of Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler being hit by tear gas from federal agents last night?” Another reporter asked.

“Well, thank God it hit him and not some poor innocent bystander,” Renfield replied.

“What do you think of most of the news media in the U.S. saying that Trump is just sending armed and camouflaged federal agents into burned out and criminally infested U.S. cities to help his re-election in November since he botched the Covid crisis?” a third reporter asked.

“If he doesn’t send federal agents in to quell the insurgency in various U.S. cities and the Neo-Bolsheviks take power, there won’t be an election in November,” Renfield pointed out, “If the U.S. media actually studied history instead of cheering on and applauding these young anarcho-Marxist thugs and hooligans who are trying to erase it, they’d look at Lincoln’s actions prior to and at the start of the U.S. Civil War including unilaterally suspending the Writ of habeas corpus.
He also ordered every single member of the Maryland state legislature arrested to prevent Maryland seceding from the Union and joining the Confederacy.”

. . .

The British cabinet held a secret meeting to discuss the mysterious murder of backbench British Conservative MP Paul Sebastian Moran.

His body was found in the Thames River this morning sporting a huge bullet hole in his chest.

The cabinet was worried that the Russians might be responsible and since a report critical of the way the UK government had seriously underestimated the threat from Russia had just been released, Mr. Moran’s untimely murder might lead the British public to conclude that the UK government was inept.

Therefore it was agreed by cabinet to issue a statement that Paul Sebastian Moran MP had died as a result of Covid-19 rather than a gunshot wound.

There was precedent in the world for this.

A Florida motorcyclist who had been killed in a motorcycle accident recently had had his death listed as being caused by Covid-19.

Besides both the WHO and disease control agencies throughout the world were only too happy to inflate Covid-19 death numbers.

. . .

Tomorrow the Hagia Sophia would be holding its first Friday prayer service as a mosque since 1931.

And the Byzantine vampiress Theodora (who in her mortal life had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian who had built the Hagia Sophia as a Byzantine Orthodox Christian cathedral back in 537 AD) was absolutely livid with rage about it.

She entered the residence of the man who had been selected to be the first prayer service leader for a mosque Friday prayer service at Hagia Sophia.

And she completely drained his body of blood.

Recep Tayyip Erdogan (the would-be Sultan of a revised Ottoman Empire) would have to find another Friday prayer service leader.


Byzantine vampiress Theodora: Tonight’s victim wouldn’t have a prayer this coming Friday.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 23rd
2020.

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Theodora and Varying Manners of Byzantine Intrigue

May 7, 2019 at 10:01 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

After lighting a candle to the Baphomet and the statue of Baal, Pennsylvania Democratic representative Brian Sims of Philadelphia went to bed.

After falling asleep, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora appeared in his bedroom and sprinkled him with Byzantine angel dust.

Sims then dreamed that he was a homosexual bishop back in the days of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian.

Justinian’s method of dealing with homosexual bishops was vastly different from that of Pope Francis.

His method was to castrate the bishops and then to have them paraded nude through the streets of Constantinople.

Instead of a “coming out” parade, it was a “coming off” parade.

Sims screamed as he slept.

He was not enjoying his dream.

Theodora smiled and laughed.

She was.

. . .

French President Emmanuel Macron was unhappy that Britain was going to be participating in European Parliament elections later this month since the Brits had failed yet another deadline to achieve Brexit.

He ate smoked oysters and downed champagne.

He then got on his iPhone and went to FaceTime.

British Prime Minister Theresa May was unhappy that Britain was going to be participating in European Parliament elections later this month since the Brits had failed yet another deadline to achieve Brexit.

She ate hot buttered biscuits and downed gin.

She then got on her iPhone and went to FaceTime.

May shrieked when she looked at her screen.

Emmanuel Macron was only wearing brief undershorts that were decorated with pink coloured daisies and that was it.

Macron shrieked when he looked at his screen.

Theresa May was only wearing hair curlers and that was it.

May gasped, “Emmanuel, we’ve got to stop FaceTiming like this.”

. . .

Miranda the mermaid had shapeshifted into full human form and was lying on the beach at Tel Aviv.

The Greek god Poseidon stepped up out of the ocean.

He had a large seashell to his ear since he was in a teleconferencing call with his brothers Zeus and Hades.

Poseidon ended the call and put the seashell in the back seat of his pants which were made out of seaweed.

“Miranda,” the Greek sea deity called out to the mermaid, “Did you know the ghost of Orson Welles is looking for you?”.

. . .

After filling the Baphomet and Baal worshipping Rep. Brian Sims of Philadelphia with the worst possible nightmares, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora returned to New York City for a nighttime modelling photo shoot.

Where an MI-6 spy operative code named Diablos Nocturna was waiting for her.

They spent a tantalizing evening of tantric sex afterwards.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 7th
2019.


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora: The stuff of nightmares to Baal and Baphomet worshippers.
But pleasant dreams to certain MI-6 operatives.

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Winter Solstice: Just Another Day Between Hades and Paradise

December 21, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, love, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora stood alongside her classic car on a country road not far from Kiev, Ukraine.

She was to meet here with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to prevent the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva from assasinating the new independent Ukrainian Orthodox Church Metropolitan Epiphany of Kiev on Vladimir Putin’s orders.

When Dracul arrived on the scene and noticed the lovely sexy mini dress wearing vampiress and her beautiful classic car and how spacious the back seat of the vehicle was, Dracul looked at his antique watch which was powered by moonlight (the watch had been a joint invention by Faberge and Dr. Louis Rocher who had been Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s great grandfather) and said to Theodora, “I think we have time to make out before Svetlana arrives at the monastery.”

Theodora stood to her full height on her super spiked stiletto high heeled shoes and adjusted her dress strap (allowing Dracul a magnificent view of her magnificent knockers) and said, “Oh yes, you’re the famous tantric sex practising vampire slayer, aren’t you?”.

Soon Dracul and the vampiress Theodora were in the back seat of the classic car and steaming up the vehicle’s back windows with their various Kama Sutra positions while the full moon rose and the wolf bane bloomed while a pure hearted man said his prayers and a meteor shower lit up the sky.

. . .


The reincarnated Hound of the Baskervilles wagged his tail and strolled and drooled his way through the English countryside while being followed by sinister looking soldiers dressed in shadow black who had piercing grayish green translucent eyes.

“Who are those soldiers?” Peter Whitstable the Fox Mulder of Interpol asked the Church of England’s most pre-eminent Anglo-Catholic Exorcist the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who was the Vicar of Saint Swithin’s By The Floodwaters Parish Church near the town of Tewkesbury.

“Demons,” Father Aidan answered, “although they are demons who claim to be aliens from outer space. That’s the deception demons have been carrying on ever since Jack Parsons (founder of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena California) and L. Ron Hubbard (future founder of the Church of Scientology) performed the Aleister Crowley inspired Babalon Working series of magic rituals from January to March 1946. The incident at Roswell New Mexico happened a year and a half later, U.S. Air Force pilots spotted dozens of UFO flying saucers flying over Mount Shasta in Washington state and thousands of UFO sightings and even alien abduction of human stories have been happening ever since.”

“But they’re actually demons?” Whitstable raised an eyebrow.

“Demons always cater to the beliefs of their age in terms of their appearance and expertise,” Father Aidan explained, “since the end of the First World War, humanity gradually turned from belief in the Supernatural to belief in science and technology to save the world. And demons adjusted themselves accordingly. They no longer posed as fairies or djinn but beings from other solar systems and other galaxies.”

“Wow,” said Whitstable who wondered what David Duchovny’s Fox Mulder would think of all this.

“Some exorcist theologians think this particular demonic deception is the great deception that was foreseen by Paul in his II Thessalonians epistle,” Father Aidan explained.

He went on, “In their dealings with the Grey Green lobby in the Jesuit order (those Jesuits who run the VATT astronomical observatory on Mount Graham in Arizona) and the Saint Gallen Mafia in the Vatican, these demons posing as aliens told them that humanity was actually created by aliens from another galaxy who operated on the DNA of hominids on the planet and changed them and they became human. That’s what they told the scientists behind CERN as well. So they’re opening up portals at CERN to get in touch with their allegedly alien creators. Supposedly the aliens will be returning soon to save the planet from ecological destruction caused by man. Another reason besides standing up to the Gay Lavender Mafia in the Vatican why Pope Benedict XVI had to go. Benedict wondered whether those aliens were not in fact demons as prophesied in Scripture as part of the Great Deception and also talked about in the Virgin Mary’s appearances at Fatima, Porugal in 1917. So the Grey Green Jesuits and the Saint Gallen Mafia forced Benedict to resign and brought in one of their own- Pope Francis. That’s why Pope Francis has continously talked about baptising aliens and ETs since the start of his pontificate. He knows they’re coming. What he doesn’t know is they’re actually demons posing as aliens from other worlds and other star systems. But then for a Pope who doesn’t really believe in Hell, why should demons be a threat?”.

. . .

Meanwhile the Syro-Phoenician and Canaanite mermaid goddess Atargatis (the mother of Semiramis who was the Whore of Babylon) was walking the streets in a suburb of East Jerusalem.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday December 21st
2018.

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Renfield’s Analysis of China’s Rise and America’s Decline While Pan Goatee Slays More Repulsively Ugly Women

December 14, 2018 at 11:54 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Apple CEO Tim Cook was in a coma after having eaten a poisoned apple delivered to him by British MP Renfield R. Renfield and Vietnamese vampiress Ho Babylon Minh as an early Christmas present sent by the Chinese government.

Apple Ltd. had sent for the Prince at Disneyland’s Snow White exhibit to come and kiss the gay Apple CEO on the lips in hopes that this would rouse him from his poisoned apple induced sleep.

However thanks to frothing at the mouth foaming and raving feminist blowhards, a Prince was no longer part of the Disneyland Snow White exhibit since being kissed on the lips by a man was obviously a denial of her female empowerment.

Just like the Seven Dwarves were no longer called the Seven Dwarves (since such a term was insultingly offensive to vertically challenged people in these politically correct times).

They were now called the Seven Stewards of The Forest (to show Disneyland was in tune with the environmentalist agenda).

So Tim Cook had been hoisted by his own petard- the ideology of political correctness that he and his fellow high-tech global conglomerate CEOs sought to inflict on the world.

Renfield had returned to Britain.

He was due to give an interview in person to BBC television.

But once again the London trolley bus he was riding was stuck behind some stupid motorist who had ignored all the flashing lights, warning and stop signs and had become embedded in a motor vehicle trap on the single lane one way street that was meant for buses only.

By chance someone had a plastic container jug of petrol (that’s gasoline for all you Americans out there) on the bus and a woman happened to have a cigarette lighter so Renfield used both items to pull a Raymond Red Reddington (a la Blacklist) and poured gasoline all over the head of the bozo motorist and his equally bozo passengers and then set fire to the empty minded bodily appendanges all the while singing “Burn, baby, burn, disco inferno” from Saturday Night Fever.

He finally reached BBC studios.

He was asked to respond to Canadian media commentators who were saying that China would probably release the two detained Canadians detained by China on “charges of spying” that occurred right after the arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou in Vancouver British Columbia at the behest of the U.S. government.

“Canadian media commentators have no clue as to what they’re talking about,” was Renfield’s response.

“But they point out that Chinese government officials have not linked the sudden detention of the two Canadians to Miss Meng’s arrest which gives one hope that they’ll be released,” said the BBC interviewer.

“The reason why Chinese officials have not publicly linked the arrest of the two Canadians to Miss Meng’s arrest is because unlike most politicians and government officials in the Western world, the Chinese actually have brains,” Renfield remarked as he used chopsticks to eat his tuna fish sandwiches, “they do not have a Donald Trump who moronically tweets state intelligence, defense and foreign policy secrets in his public Twitter account 24 hours a day. Nor do they have an Emmanuel Macron who is the 8th intellectual dwarf of the modern world (or the 8th intellectual steward of the forest as Disneyland and the IQ challenged administrators of the Calgary Zoo Winter Wonderland Snow White Themed Fairy Tale For 2018 Exhibit might put it). Or a Theresa May who has managed to turn a Brexit deal into the worst of all possible worlds for both British EU inners and outters alike and the total awestruck speechlessness of the ghosts of both Leibniz and Voltaire.”

“But U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo today stood shoulder to shoulder with Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland and demanded the release of the two Canadian detainees or else,” the BBC interviewer quipped.

“And I’m sure China’s supreme leader Xi Jinping is really quaking in his Ming Dynasty glass slippers at that earthshaking pronouncement,” Renfield opened his fortune cookie which bore the fortune, GREAT DEALS ON REDECORATING 10 DOWNING STREET WHEN YOU MOVE IN, “America is a country on its way down. That’s why they elected as President Donald Trump a man who has all the characteristics of the insane Roman Emperor Caligula. And the candidate who ran against him was one Hillary Clinton a woman who has all the characteristics of the violin playing Emperor Nero’s mommie dearest Agrippina Minor with all her shrewishness and inherent insanity thereof. America is on the way down. China is a country on the way up. As the ghost of the Emperor Napoleon I Bonaparte said to me the other day as I was polishing an apple, “The sleeping dragon has awakened.”

. . .

Pan Goatee immediately cut off the head of the ugly looking female high school student as she boarded the transit bus.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar,” Pan Goatee shouted in an obvious plagiarism of a militant Islamist terrorist’s phrase.

Later when he walked to a McDonald’s restaurant to buy their $1 coffee special (while the Church Advent fasting season was still on), he encountered a fat ugly blimp female high school student with her father.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar,” Goatee once again plagiarized the militant Islamist terrorist’s favourite phrase as he beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

“Death to morons who fuck fat ugly blimps and produce similar looking female progeny,” Goatee beheaded the Badyear Blimp’s father.

After drinking coffee at McDonald’s, he went to a grocery store where a thin ugly anorexic skeletal female was leaving the store with her IQ challenged boyfriend.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar,” Goatee shouted as he beheaded the creature and engaged in his third strike designed to piss off a militant Islamist terrorist umpire.

“And death to the morons who fuck them,” Goatee sounded like he was auditioning for a Martin Scorsese remake of an old Film Noir movie as he beheaded the IQ challenged boyfriend.

Later when he was leaving the grocery store with bottles of Coca-Cola, he encountered another thin ugly anorexic skeletal female and her low IQ boyfriend.

“Aesthetic beauty Akbar!” Goatee shouted as he beheaded the Weight Watchers’ after picture from Hell moments before getting a text message from ISIS Islamic State’s lawyer saying he was being sued for Copyright violations.

Goatee then beheaded the ugly creature’s low IQ boyfriend while shouting, “And death to the morons who fuck them!” in a line surely designed to land him an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor at the Academy Awards.

. . .

The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora was in Kiev Ukraine where tomorrow the Unification Council of the Autocephalous Ukrainian Orthodox Church of Kiev would be held to elect a Primate for the Church.

The Council would be held at Saint Sophie’s Church Cathedral in Kiev.

Theodora was contemplating the warning of Vasilij Gritsak the head of the SBU (Security Service of Ukraine) that the ecclesiastical conflict between Constantinople and Moscow in Ukraine would lead to the outbreak of war and a Vladimir Putin ordered Russian Armed Forces full scale military invasion of Ukraine.

Theodora would side with the Ukrainians against Putin.

For Theodora had offered to make Putin the new restored Byzantine Emperor with his capital at Constantinople.

But Putin had turned her down.

Choosing instead to form an alliance with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan (the future Sultan and Caliph of a revised Ottoman Empire) and Iran against the State of Israel.

Ironically enough, Israel was being supported by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman who was being advised by the ghosts of Soviet dictator Josef Stalin and the bloody murderous Scottish queen Lady MacBeth as well as the demon Baphomet (who was the patron demon of Sodom and Gomorrah) and the Egyptian god Osiris to rebuild Solomon’s Temple in Jerusalem.


The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora on a moonlit night in Kiev.

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Miranda- Mermaid Turned Human

June 25, 2018 at 10:25 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Miranda- Mermaid Turned Human

The Controller of The Golem was deep in thought.

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had won both yesterday’s Presidential and Parliamentary elections.

Now Erdogan would head an Executive Presidency with virtually no limits on his powers (much like Xi Jinping recently achieved in the People’s Republic of China 🇨🇳 and Donald Trump hoped that someday, His Divine Self willing, would be able to achieve in the United States of America 🇺🇸).

What this meant for the future was that someday the entire Middle East might be under the rule of a revived Ottoman Empire with Erdogan as the omnipotent Sultan of Constantinople and Caliph of the Global Islamic Caliphate.

“It doesn’t bode too well for Central and Eastern Europe either,” remarked Prince Vlad Dracula of the situation where the nations of Central and Eastern Europe had been ruled by the Turks for centuries.

“If only General Belisarius were alive today to kick Erdogan’s ass,” the Byzantine vampiress Theodora remarked about her late husband Justinian’s general who reconquered much of the Western Roman Empire for Byzantine Constantinople.

“What will this portend for the future?” The Controller whose real first name was Nathan sighed.

The trio who were standing in a public park in Istanbul suddenly heard a soft feminine voice say, “It portends danger.”

The trio turned to look at the voice and this vision greeted them:

The Controller of The Golem recognized her as Miranda the mermaid.

Only now she had become human.

The reason being that Miranda had recently swum down the Thames River towards the Set Enterprises laboratory at Canary Wharf.

There she sang for Dr. Cadbury Rocher to come out to her.

Attracted by the lovely singing voice, Dr. Cadbury Rocher came out to see who it was.

Amadeus Emanon and Renfield R. Renfield followed.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster likewise crawled out of his aquarium and outside to see who the lovely siren was with the voice of a nightingale singing at Canary Wharf.

Miranda asked Dr. Rocher to invent for her a potion which when she drank it would turn her temporarily fully human.

Dr. Rocher went inside his laboratory and came back half an hour later with the potion.

Just in time to stop Miranda from strangling Renfield with her fish tail as the British MP was serenading her with his own paraphrased version of those old Crystal Gayle lyrics, “… when I dream, I dream of you, maybe someday my dreams will come true”.

Miranda drank the potion and turned human much to Renfield’s relief and much to Michelangelo’s disappointment (as he covered his lobster ears with his claws and telepathically hummed the song It’s A Long Way To Tipperary to drown out the sound of Renfield’s singing).

“What is happening, Miranda?” Nathan asked his mermaid turned human friend.

“Atargatis has landed on the beaches of Tel Aviv with her harpoon carrying mermaid warrioresses ready to launch an all out assault on the land of Israel 🇮🇱,” said Miranda.

Meanwhile on the beaches of Tel Aviv, the ghost of Orson Welles stood in the sand and directed a ghostly film crew of ghostly cameramen and ghostly technicians to film the invasion.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 25th
2018.

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Dracul and Draculina and Athena

June 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Draculina and Athena

After Dracul Van Helsing went to the TV studio where the Countess Draculina had been broadcasting, he let her know that her father Dracula was back from the dead and was now one of the living Undead again.

The old Transylvanian Count and Wallachian Prince had been in Syria fighting alongside the Kurds against invading Turkish forces.

Now he was wandering the streets of Istanbul along with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem.

They were campaigning for opposition political parties running against megalomaniac President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his Islamist party which were intent on restoring the Ottoman Empire.

Both the Presidential and Parliamentary elections were being held tomorrow in Turkey.

Now on this Saturday night, the trio were taking a break from campaigning and were enjoying a dinner of lahmacun and drinking Turkish coffee in an Istanbul cafe while they watched a wrestling match going on outside in the street between Cerberus the 3 headed dog of The Underworld and the ghost of Saddam Hussein.

Saddam’s ghost lost.

His ghostly arms and legs had been bitten off by Cerberus’ 3 heads.

Cerberus belched 3 times- one for each head.

The 3 Furies (aka the Erinyes aka the Eumenides) showed up in leather skirted dominatrix outfits and driving a combination black hearse and ambulance.

They picked up the howling Saddam and his separated limbs and stuck them in the back of the hearse/ambulance and headed back to the Underworld of Hades.

“You don’t see that everyday,” Dracula remarked to Theodora and the Controller of the Golem.

Coincidentally Draculina said the same thing to Dracul Van Helsing as she orgasmed for the umpteenth time as the vampire hunter gave her a lesson in tantric sex from the Kama Sutra.

Dracul and the vampiress weather forecaster were back in Dracul’s room in the old Carpathian Mountain inn.

A horse and carriage then showed up at the inn to drive Draculina to Bucharest Airport where she’d catch the evening flight from Bucharest to Istanbul.

“I’ve been to Istanbul before you know,” Draculina remarked as she put her dress back on, “my mother was Turkish you know.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dracul adjusted his tie, “so your father was a Wallachian Prince who’s best known in history for impaling Turks and yet your mother was Turkish.”

“Yes but he impaled her with flesh and not wood,” Draculina put on her pantyhose, “and that instrument gave her pleasure unlike the stakes my father used on the Turkish warriors.”

“I understand the same could not be said for Isis and Osiris on the night they conjugally conceived Horus since Isis couldn’t find Osiris’ phallus after Set had cut him up into 14 pieces and so they were forced to use a phallus made of wood,” Dracul reflected aloud.

“Ouch,” Draculina winced.

“No wonder they’re always showing the Eye of Horus everywhere,” Dracul noted, “what is mistaken for Illuminati symbolism is actually the Egyptian deity advertising for a good ophthalmologist somewhere who can actually get the splinters out of his eye.”

Meanwhile in Damascus, Syria, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad received a phone call on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone.

“Yes, I did study ophthalmology in London,” Bashar replied to the caller’s question.

“Splinters eh?” Bashar took notes.

In another one of the palace rooms, the head of the Syrian Orthodox Church was chanting the Gospel passage of the day for a small group of Christians who worked in the palace – “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

“How’s your name spelled?” Bashar asked, “Horus? Would that be like the Egyptian god? It would. Well if you can drop around the palace tomorrow…”

After the coach and horse had picked up Draculina, Dracul went for a walk in the woods near the Inn.

There he came across the Greek goddess Athena looking pensive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 23rd
2018.

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Alexis Tsipras and The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora

September 3, 2017 at 7:46 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Alexis Tsipras and The Byzantine Vampiress Theodora

Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras sat in his office in Athens.

It was nighttime.

He was no longer as popular as he used to be since he had accepted the austerity budget demands imposed on his government by Germany, the EU and various international financial institutions.

“Oh, what I’d give to be popular again,” Alexis Tsipras said aloud.

Just then a bat 🦇 flew in through the window.

“I really should have closed that damned window,” Tsipras sighed.

The bat then turned into a beautiful woman wearing a Phoenician purple evening dress.

“Who the Hell are you?” Tsipras asked.

“I am the Byzantine vampiress Theodora,” the beautiful woman replied, “in my mortal life I was the Empress Theodora the wife of Justinian I the greatest Emperor of the Byzantine Empire.”

“Well I don’t believe in anything Supernatural and that includes vampiresses,” the lifelong Marxist dialectical materialist replied.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Alexis, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” Theodora replied.

“You’re able to quote and paraphrase Shakespeare?” Tsipras was shocked 😳.

“So can every educated and cultural personage,” Theodora answered.

Alexis smiled.

The thought occurred to him that should he ever meet Donald Trump in a one-on-one personal chat, he should spend the whole time quoting Shakespeare to him.

“I’m here to make you an offer,” said Theodora.

“And what is this offer?” Tsipras asked.

“To make you Emperor of Byzantium,” Theodora replied, “Both Constantinople and the Byzantine Empire shall be restored.”

“Wouldn’t that be over Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s dead body?” Tsipras smiled.

“It shall,” Theodora also smiled.

“I see,” Tsipras walked over to the window and looked out.

“I offered Vladimir Putin the position of joint Byzantine Emperor and Russian Czar as did the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith but he turned our offer down,” Theodora grimaced, “at least the Byzantine Empire part anyways. So now he shall pay the price.”

“And what price is that?” Tsipras asked with the curiosity of a cat.

“Lilith convinced Hades to send Rasputin’s ghost from the Underworld back up to Russia,”
Theodora laughed luxuriously, “he’s now possessed the body of an Eurasian brown bear and is wandering the streets of Moscow.”

“And what will happen to me and Greece if I refuse your offer?” Tsipras inquired.

“Nietzsche may have admired Dionysus but I doubt Marx or any of his followers will,” Theodora answered.

“So if I refuse your offer.” Tsipras reflected, “Dionysus will run amuck in the fields, forests, meadows, streams and streets of Greece.”

“That is correct,” Theodora swished around in her dress, turned into a bat and flew out the window.

. . .

Zeus sighed to his son Apollo, “You know it was prophesied some day that one of my sons would overthrow me.”

Apollo looked into Zeus’ eyes, “And do you think it’s me, father?”.

“No,” Zeus laughed, “no, I don’t. But I recently ran into a seer in Rome- a woman by the name of Cassandra Sibylline. And she informed me that the son who will overthrow me was born sometime in the last 50 years.”

“Well, how many women have you slept with in the last 50 years?” Apollo asked.

“My god,” Zeus laughed, “do you think I have a photographic memory as well as the world’s largest abacus?”.

. . .

It was approaching midnight.

And Alexis Tsipras still hadn’t closed the window.

A bat flew in again.

And promptly turned into the Byzantine vampiress Theodora wearing a Phoenician purple evening dress.

“So what do you think of my offer?” Theodora asked as she smoothed her dress.

“What would America have to say about a revived Byzantine empire?” Tsipras inquired.

“With all due respect to the United States of America,” Theodora answered, “it won’t be around for much longer.”

“Why not?” Tsipras asked.

. . .

On North Korean state television in Pyongyang, the government of Kim Jong-un announced that it had just tested a hydrogen bomb.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday August 3rd
2017.

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