Boris Johnson, The Black Dragon and Thessalonike of Macedon

July 23, 2019 at 10:58 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Boris Johnson, The Black Dragon and Thessalonike of Macedon

Today Boris Johnson was elected leader of the British Conservative Party.

In a ballot of Conservative Party members, he defeated his rival British Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt.

Boris Johnson received 92,153 votes to his rival’s 46, 656.

Boris Johnson was Mayor of London from 2008 to 2016.

He once won a magazine limerick contest for writing the best limerick making fun of Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

He’d have probably lost the limerick contest to MP Renfield R. Renfield but Renfield had submitted his limerick a couple of hours after the deadline because he spent the night drinking T-Rex shooters in a bar (the t-Rex shooter contains a lethal and deadly combination of different liquors. Renfield is the only known mortal in history to have drunk more than one T-Rex shooter and lived. Every other person was now as dead as the variety of dinosaur it was named after) so the limerick was disqualified with much regret by the contest judges.

Mr. Johnson will also now become Britain’s first Roman Catholic Prime Minister.

Although Mr. Johnson is not a practicing Catholic.

Only a baptized Catholic.

Shacking up with a woman he was not married to wouldn’t be in accord with current Catholic teaching.

Although that might change (along with several other things) if the German Conference of Catholic Bishops have their way at the upcoming papal Synod On The Amazon this October.

Tomorrow the current UK Prime Minister Theresa May will take part in her last Prime Minister’s Question Period in the House of Commons.

After lunch, she will make a short farewell speech outside 10 Downing Street.

She will then travel to see Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II at Buckingham Palace to tender her resignation as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

Boris Johnson will then arrive at Buckingham Palace for an audience with the Queen where he will be invited to form a government.

Afterwards he will then be driven to 10 Downing Street where he will make a brief speech before entering the building for the first time as Prime Minister.

After Boris Johnson delivered his victory speech to Conservative Party supporters tonight, he left the Queen Elizabeth II Centre in London with 3 things on his mind.

Would he be able to get the British oil tanker Stena Impero released without going to war against Iran?

Would he be able to negotiate a Brexit deal with the European Union before the October 31st Halloween deadline or will it turn out to be a no deal Brexit?

Should he name British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield to the cabinet as Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering?

. . .

Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol was reviewing information that was sent to him by an Interpol operative in Hong Kong.

The first set of videos and photos that Whitstable viewed showed a man 7 foot 6 whose name was Wang (and who could best be described as a tall thin unsmiling version of the short chubby jovial Chinese Smiling Buddha whose statue is often seen in Chinese restaurants around the world) addressing a group of pro-democracy protestors in Hong Kong a couple of weeks ago and telling them to become more violent and to attack a police station during their protests.

The next set of photos and videos that Whitstable viewed showed a group of white shirt wearing Triad members being addressed by a sinister looking Black Dragon this past weekend and being told to attack pro-democracy protestors with batons and clubs in the Hong Kong subway station this past weekend.

Wondering who this sinister looking Black Dragon was, he sent copies of the photos and videos of the mysterious Black Dragon to a professor of East Asian Folklore and Occultism at Oxford University.

The professor responded that the Black Dragon was a supernatural entity known to appear at various times in Chinese history when the governing leader or ruler of China was a diabolically evil person.
The professor noted that the Black Dragon was able to shapeshift into human form.

The professor text messaged Whitstable a sketch of the Black Dragon in shapeshifted human form.

The sketch of the Black Dragon in human form perfectly resembled Wang in appearance.

. . .

Boris Johnson was receiving a special intelligence briefing from Theresa May over tea and sandwiches at 10 Downing Street on this night which was Mrs. May’s last evening as Prime Minister.

Mrs. May was giving Boris a briefing on the latest facts regarding the destruction of the British destroyer the H.M.S. Balderdash that sank in the Mediterranean Sea not far from Alexandria Egypt (while it was en route to the Persian Gulf via the Suez Canal) this past Saturday July 20th.

Trump was trying to convince the British government that it was the Iranians who were responsible for the sinking of Balderdash.

However it had recently come to light that an Irish drone had been flying in the vicinity of the Mediterranean Sea near Alexandria at the time.

The drone was operated by an Irish drone operator who had been drinking way too much Guinness while on duty.

As a result the drone had found its way from Ireland’s Galway Bay (where it was supposed to be watching the sun go down) to the said part of the Mediterranean Sea off Egypt.

The drone happened to have a camera on board taking photos with a Huawei P30 Pro operated by a robotic leprechaun that was created bearing the likeness of the notorious boozing Irish leprechaun Yaldabaoth.

The photos clearly showed a mermaid turning into a giantess near the ship H.M.S. Balderdash and destroying the destroyer.

Copies of the photos had been sent to a noted mermaidologist who lived in Calgary, Alberta, Canada in hopes of finding out the mermaid’s identity.

The mermaidologist had identified the mermaid turned giantess as Thessalonike of Macedon the immortal half-sister of Alexander the Great.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher 
Tuesday July 23rd
2019.

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July 20th 2019: A Very Historic Anniversary

July 20, 2019 at 10:53 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

July 20th 2019: A Very Historic Anniversary 

July 20th is a significant date in world history.

It was on this date in 356 BC that Alexander the Great was born.

It was 75 years ago today (on July 20th 1944) that the German colonel Count Claus von Stauffenburg tried to assassinate Adolf Hitler in the plot known as Operation Valkyrie.

And it was 50 years ago today (on July 20th 1969) that Neil Armstrong spoke these words from the moon after the Apollo 11 Eagle had landed, “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”

On this day July 20th 2019, Alexander the Great’s half-sister Thessalonike of Macedon (who had turned into a mermaid after hearing of her brother’s death) was swimming in the Mediterranean Sea not far from the Egyptian city of Alexandria when an ancient shield happened to float by.

“It’s my brother’s shield!” She cried.

Just then the British destroyer The H.M.S. Balderdash happened to go by en route to the Suez Canal to the Indian Ocean and through the Strait of Hormuz to the Persian Gulf where it would attempt a rescue of the British oil tanker Stena Impero recently seized by Iran.

Thessalonike then posed the same question to the sailors aboard the H.M.S. Balderdash that she posed to the sailors aboard every ship that she had encountered throughout the centuries.

“Is Alexander the King alive?” She asked.

“Which Alexander the King would that be?” Asked Lt. Chamberlain Neville of the H.M.S. Balderdash.

“Alexander the Great, you idiot!” Thessalonike spat seaweed at him.

The correct answer as far as Thessalonike the mermaid was concerned was “He lives and reigns and conquers the world.”

The captain of the ship H.M.S. Balderdash who was none other than Gladstone Disraeli answered, “No, Alexander the Great died centuries ago in the year 323 BC.”

“Wrong answer!” Thessalonike foamed at the mouth spraying sea foam in every direction.

She then turned into a raging Gorgon tearing apart the ship and sending it and every sailor aboard to the bottom of the sea.

Trump would later blame the incident on the Iranians.

Meanwhile the Grey Wolf Formerly Known As Adolf (because it was a grey wolf possessed by the ghost of Adolf Hitler who had been let out of the Underworld a few years ago by Hades and Persephone at the request of the Norse-Germanic god Odin/Wotan) was walking the streets of Saint Petersburg Russia.

“I thought this place was supposed to be called Leningrad,” Adolf thought to himself as he looked at all the street signs.

“And to think I should have taken possession of this city but I failed!” Adolf snarled.

Meanwhile on the moon this day, the demon Asmodeus was walking around because he had never been to the moon and he figured since humans went to the moon, he might as well.

Of course Asmodeus had never learned to fly.

He had skipped the Demonic Learning To Fly Class back in Hell High School because he had been outside smoking cigarettes.

So the chain smoking demon asked the two high flying owls (who were companions to the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith) to grab hold of each one of his arms and fly him to the moon.

Now he was walking around the moon’s surface.

Unbeknownst to Asmodeus, the Norse trickster god Loki had been walking around the moon earlier that day (having been flown to the moon through the help of Valkyries).

Loki had eaten a banana while on the moon and had thrown the peel behind him.

As Asmodeus walked along smoking and coughing and singing that old Frank Sinatra song Fly Me To The Moon, he wasn’t watching where he was going.

The chain smoking demon slipped on the banana.

After hitting backside down on the lunar surface, Asmodeus remarked, “That’s one small slip for a banana, one giant pain in the ass for demonkind.”

The Chinese moon goddess Chang’e and the Moon Rabbit remind you:
Only you can prevent lunar fires.
Always douse your campfire and be careful with your cigarette butts.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Saturday July 20th
2019.

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Atargatis The Whistling Gypsy

January 4, 2019 at 10:06 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

It had been two years since Carson Cody Albion had had the tantric sex encounter with Semiramis in New Orleans.

A lot had happened since then.

Semiramis tired of stalking the bayous of New Orleans as the Jaguar Woman of New Orleans had returned to her palace along the Euphrates River.

Carson Cody Albion had packed up his private eye business and moved to Los Angeles from New Orleans.

The Golden Age of Hollywood and the shenanigans of film studio executives and their wives and mistresses made for a more lucrative clientele.

One thing that still puzzled Albion about the Semiramis encounter was why the Jaguar Woman (and ex-Queen of Babylon) had suddenly clutched on to Thessalonike of Macedon (the immortal mermaid half-sister of Alexander the Great) and shouted “Mommy.”

He had found the answer while browsing through a Los Angeles rare bookshop.

He had looked up the name Semiramis in an old encyclopedia and discovered that she was the daughter of the Syrian mermaid goddess Atargatis.

No wonder why when Semiramis saw an actual real live mermaid, she mistook her for her own mother.

Albion left the bookshop.

He decided to head over to one of the Hollywood studio backlots looking for customers.

While walking through one of the backlots, he noticed an actress playing a gypsy woman taking a rest from filming.

As he walked by her, she whistled at him.

Albion turned around, smiled and doffed his hat to her.

He continued walking.

Little did he know that the whistling gypsy was in fact the mermaid Atargatis the mother of Semiramis.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 4th
2018.

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Semiramis In New Orleans

January 3, 2019 at 11:09 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

After Semiramis the Jaguar Woman shapeshifter (who claimed to be the ancient Queen of Babylon) created a scene in the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club where her dress came apart at the seams in the process, she returned to her hotel room.

Meanwhile Carson Cody Albion Private Eye had taken the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon (the immortal half-sister of Alexander the Great) to meet a man claiming to be the Greek god Zeus.

Zeus had a hankering to make out with a mermaid and had settled upon Alexander the Great’s half-sister.

Trying to ply Thessalonike with drinks in Carson Albion’s office (which was a house on stilts in the water of a New Orleans bayou), Zeus was getting nowhere as Thessalonike kept refusing them.

Suddenly a woman claiming to be Hera showed up in the office and declared that she had found something fishy about Zeus’ story that he had gone to Louisiana for the shrimp.

Seeing the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon standing there, she declared “There is something very fishy indeed.”

She then hit her husband over the head with the lobster attached to the front of Thessalonike’s dress.

Zeus hit the floor faster than a thunderbolt thrown from Mount Olympus.

Meanwhile Carson Cody Albion had gone in search of that elusive beautiful woman Semiramis for two reasons.

Reason number one: To return her dress to her (which he had picked up off the floor of the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club).

And reason number two: For personal reasons of his own (They didn’t call him the New Orleans Private Dick Horn Dog for nothing).

Albion used his own hound dog Methuselah to track Semiramis’ scent.

He wound up at her hotel room.

“Come in, Mr. Albion,” a sultry female voice spoke from inside the room, “it’s unlocked.”

Carson Albion entered the room and noticed Semiramis standing there next to a painting of a tiger.

She stood there alongside the painting with her fingers and finger nails posed like cat claws.

The smiling expression on her face resembled the smiling expression of the tiger in the painting.

How positively feline, Albion thought to himself.

As if she could read his mind, she lit herself a cigarette and blew smoke rings.

She then spoke with a voice as melodious as that of a midnight rhapsody, “Who ultimately wins when it comes to a battle of wits, Mr. Albion? Cats or dogs?”.

Carson Albion shifted uncomfortably on his gumshoe shoes.

“Your reputation as the New Orleans Private Dick Horn Dog precedes you, Mr. Albion,” Semiramis picked up her dry martini in a glass and stuck in her long tongue to the bottom of the glass and then sucked up the entire liquid with it, “why do you think I left the door open?”.

Albion started to feel hot.

And it wasn’t due to the usual mugginess of a New Orleans evening.

“What’s the matter, Mr. Albion? Why no words?” Semiramis put her catlike fingers on his shoulder, “Has the cat got your tongue?”

Semiramis put her tongue on his lips and into his mouth.

“How’s that for a taste of honey?” Semiramis laughed as she withdrew her tongue, “Could you be like John the Baptist and live on wild honey but skip the locusts?”.

Albion was by now totally speechless.

Totally aroused.

But totally speechless.

“Would you like to kneel at my feet as if I was a goddess, Mr. Albion?” Semiramis smoothed her dress with her catlike claws, “would you like to be my slave?”.

Albion got down on his knees in front of her.

Never would such a slavery be more pleasant than freedom.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 3rd
2019.

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The Mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon In New Orleans: A Carson Albion Private Eye Poem

January 1, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Out on the bayou
in an old cabin built on stilts in the water
was where Carson Cody Albion Private Eye
had his New Orleans private eye’s office

On this New Year’s Day in 1934
Albion had been visited by a white haired
and white bearded gentlemen
who claimed to be the Greek god Zeus
New Orleans was full of such nuts

Zeus was a client of the voodoo High Priestess
Mammy Del Rey

The beautiful and lovely Mammy Del Rey had been reading lizard entrails
for the said gentleman who said he was Zeus
Entrails to determine the whereabouts of the immortal mermaid
Thessalonike of Macedon (who was the half-sister of Alexander the Great)
said to be currently visiting the City of New Orleans

Unfortunately for Mammy and for Zeus
The Voodoo Priest next door
Grandpa Doc Duvalier
performed what turned out to be a successful Resurrection From The Dead spell
as the lizard entrails suddenly got up and walked away from Mammy Del Rey’s ashtray
and dived overboard from Mammy’s house boat cabin into the bayou below
where they were promptly swallowed by a fish

Thus the Mystery of Thessalonike’s whereabouts were now as great a mystery
as they were before Mammy started reading the entrails
So Mammy brought Zeus to Carson Cody Albion Private Eye for help

Mammy had picked up an image from the lizard entrails
prior to their unfortunate resurrection
Mammy drew an image in the sand for Albion
(Albion had a sandbox on his bayou house on stilts
which Louisiana Governor and now U.S. Senator Huey Long
used to play in
whenever he visited Carson Albion’s office)

Albion recognized the image as being the symbol on the matchbooks
given to smoking customers down at Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club
rather than just giving this info directly to Zeus
The private eye said he’d take the case
and pocketed a fee from Zeus (Albion hoped that Greek drachmas
would be worth a lot in U.S. currency)

After giving Zeus a close-up view of the bayou
(by pushing him overboard)
and then making out with the lovely Voodoo High Priestess Mammy Del Rey
on his waterbed (this early prototype of the popular 1970s bedroom phenomenon had been invented by his good friend Nikola Tesla)
He then headed down to the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club

In his private eye trenchcoat pocket he carried a crystal ball snow globe
(containing the image of Thessalonike of Macedon) that had been given him by Mammy Del Rey
Thus he recognized the immortal mermaid half-sister of Alexander The Great right away

The immortal mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon (who was the half-sister of Alexander the Great) in a New Orleans jazz nightclub back in 1934.

The rare colour photo was taken with a little known instant photo colour camera the Teslatroid (the colour equivalent of the first black and white Polaroid cameras that were invented by Edwin Land 14 years later) invented by Nikola Tesla.

Any resemblance between the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon at this New Year’s Day party in 1934 and singer Taylor Swift at her New Year’s Day party in 2019 is purely coincdental.

Surely thereafter Thessalonike was set upon by the mysterious Jaguar Woman of New Orleans
(a woman who was able to shapeshift into a Black Jaguar)
The woman who called herself Semiramis (like the legendary Ho Queen of Babylon) addressed the woman as Mommy Dearest before knocking her to the floor
In the ensuing fish-cat fight that followed
Semiramis’s dress came apart at the seams.


Semiramis: her dress came apart at the seams when she cried Mommy Dearest

To be continued.

-A narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 1st
2019.

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