Semiramis In New Orleans

January 3, 2019 at 11:09 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

After Semiramis the Jaguar Woman shapeshifter (who claimed to be the ancient Queen of Babylon) created a scene in the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club where her dress came apart at the seams in the process, she returned to her hotel room.

Meanwhile Carson Cody Albion Private Eye had taken the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon (the immortal half-sister of Alexander the Great) to meet a man claiming to be the Greek god Zeus.

Zeus had a hankering to make out with a mermaid and had settled upon Alexander the Great’s half-sister.

Trying to ply Thessalonike with drinks in Carson Albion’s office (which was a house on stilts in the water of a New Orleans bayou), Zeus was getting nowhere as Thessalonike kept refusing them.

Suddenly a woman claiming to be Hera showed up in the office and declared that she had found something fishy about Zeus’ story that he had gone to Louisiana for the shrimp.

Seeing the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon standing there, she declared “There is something very fishy indeed.”

She then hit her husband over the head with the lobster attached to the front of Thessalonike’s dress.

Zeus hit the floor faster than a thunderbolt thrown from Mount Olympus.

Meanwhile Carson Cody Albion had gone in search of that elusive beautiful woman Semiramis for two reasons.

Reason number one: To return her dress to her (which he had picked up off the floor of the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club).

And reason number two: For personal reasons of his own (They didn’t call him the New Orleans Private Dick Horn Dog for nothing).

Albion used his own hound dog Methuselah to track Semiramis’ scent.

He wound up at her hotel room.

“Come in, Mr. Albion,” a sultry female voice spoke from inside the room, “it’s unlocked.”

Carson Albion entered the room and noticed Semiramis standing there next to a painting of a tiger.

She stood there alongside the painting with her fingers and finger nails posed like cat claws.

The smiling expression on her face resembled the smiling expression of the tiger in the painting.

How positively feline, Albion thought to himself.

As if she could read his mind, she lit herself a cigarette and blew smoke rings.

She then spoke with a voice as melodious as that of a midnight rhapsody, “Who ultimately wins when it comes to a battle of wits, Mr. Albion? Cats or dogs?”.

Carson Albion shifted uncomfortably on his gumshoe shoes.

“Your reputation as the New Orleans Private Dick Horn Dog precedes you, Mr. Albion,” Semiramis picked up her dry martini in a glass and stuck in her long tongue to the bottom of the glass and then sucked up the entire liquid with it, “why do you think I left the door open?”.

Albion started to feel hot.

And it wasn’t due to the usual mugginess of a New Orleans evening.

“What’s the matter, Mr. Albion? Why no words?” Semiramis put her catlike fingers on his shoulder, “Has the cat got your tongue?”

Semiramis put her tongue on his lips and into his mouth.

“How’s that for a taste of honey?” Semiramis laughed as she withdrew her tongue, “Could you be like John the Baptist and live on wild honey but skip the locusts?”.

Albion was by now totally speechless.

Totally aroused.

But totally speechless.

“Would you like to kneel at my feet as if I was a goddess, Mr. Albion?” Semiramis smoothed her dress with her catlike claws, “would you like to be my slave?”.

Albion got down on his knees in front of her.

Never would such a slavery be more pleasant than freedom.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 3rd
2019.

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The Mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon In New Orleans: A Carson Albion Private Eye Poem

January 1, 2019 at 11:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Out on the bayou
in an old cabin built on stilts in the water
was where Carson Cody Albion Private Eye
had his New Orleans private eye’s office

On this New Year’s Day in 1934
Albion had been visited by a white haired
and white bearded gentlemen
who claimed to be the Greek god Zeus
New Orleans was full of such nuts

Zeus was a client of the voodoo High Priestess
Mammy Del Rey

The beautiful and lovely Mammy Del Rey had been reading lizard entrails
for the said gentleman who said he was Zeus
Entrails to determine the whereabouts of the immortal mermaid
Thessalonike of Macedon (who was the half-sister of Alexander the Great)
said to be currently visiting the City of New Orleans

Unfortunately for Mammy and for Zeus
The Voodoo Priest next door
Grandpa Doc Duvalier
performed what turned out to be a successful Resurrection From The Dead spell
as the lizard entrails suddenly got up and walked away from Mammy Del Rey’s ashtray
and dived overboard from Mammy’s house boat cabin into the bayou below
where they were promptly swallowed by a fish

Thus the Mystery of Thessalonike’s whereabouts were now as great a mystery
as they were before Mammy started reading the entrails
So Mammy brought Zeus to Carson Cody Albion Private Eye for help

Mammy had picked up an image from the lizard entrails
prior to their unfortunate resurrection
Mammy drew an image in the sand for Albion
(Albion had a sandbox on his bayou house on stilts
which Louisiana Governor and now U.S. Senator Huey Long
used to play in
whenever he visited Carson Albion’s office)

Albion recognized the image as being the symbol on the matchbooks
given to smoking customers down at Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club
rather than just giving this info directly to Zeus
The private eye said he’d take the case
and pocketed a fee from Zeus (Albion hoped that Greek drachmas
would be worth a lot in U.S. currency)

After giving Zeus a close-up view of the bayou
(by pushing him overboard)
and then making out with the lovely Voodoo High Priestess Mammy Del Rey
on his waterbed (this early prototype of the popular 1970s bedroom phenomenon had been invented by his good friend Nikola Tesla)
He then headed down to the Poseidon’s Trident Jazz Club

In his private eye trenchcoat pocket he carried a crystal ball snow globe
(containing the image of Thessalonike of Macedon) that had been given him by Mammy Del Rey
Thus he recognized the immortal mermaid half-sister of Alexander The Great right away

The immortal mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon (who was the half-sister of Alexander the Great) in a New Orleans jazz nightclub back in 1934.

The rare colour photo was taken with a little known instant photo colour camera the Teslatroid (the colour equivalent of the first black and white Polaroid cameras that were invented by Edwin Land 14 years later) invented by Nikola Tesla.

Any resemblance between the mermaid Thessalonike of Macedon at this New Year’s Day party in 1934 and singer Taylor Swift at her New Year’s Day party in 2019 is purely coincdental.

Surely thereafter Thessalonike was set upon by the mysterious Jaguar Woman of New Orleans
(a woman who was able to shapeshift into a Black Jaguar)
The woman who called herself Semiramis (like the legendary Ho Queen of Babylon) addressed the woman as Mommy Dearest before knocking her to the floor
In the ensuing fish-cat fight that followed
Semiramis’s dress came apart at the seams.


Semiramis: her dress came apart at the seams when she cried Mommy Dearest

To be continued.

-A narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 1st
2019.

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Mermaid Miranda’s Revelation

May 19, 2017 at 4:21 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The mermaid who called herself Miranda had once again awakened in the salt water tank in the Israeli government aquatics laboratory in Tel Aviv.

The Controller of the Golem (a Mossad agent who went by that code name) came down to see her.

“Nice to see you awake, Miranda,” the Controller brought her roses wondering if a mermaid would like them.

She did.

She smelled them and smiled.

“Thank you, Nathan,” she said once again calling him by his first name known to few outside Mossad or the Israeli Prime Minister’s office.

“You’re welcome,” Nathan smiled at her.

Then she turned serious, “I landed on the beach at Tel Aviv to warn you and your people.”

“Warn us about what?” Nathan asked.

“The goddess Atargatis ancestress of all mermaids wants to destroy your nation,” Miranda looked grim.

Nathan knew his classical Near Eastern mythology.

Atargatis was a northern Syria goddess.

She was called Derketo by the Greeks and Dea Syriae by the Romans.

The goddess Atargatis fell in love with a mortal (a shepherd) and had a child by him- Semiramis.

One cruel day, Atargatis unintentionally killed her love and the father of her child.

Ashamed, she flung herself into a lake near Ashkelon and was turned into the form of a fish but the waters could not conceal her divine beauty.Thereafter she took the form of a mermaid- human above the waist, fish below.

Atargatis’ daughter Semiramis became a legendary Assyrian queen and was said to have been married to the biblical Nimrod (founder of Babel) and later Ninus (founder of the city of Nineveh).

A 19th Century Free Church of Scotland minister Alexander Hislop had several wet dreams about Semiramis inspiring him to label the Roman Catholic Church the Whore of Babylon and to write a book about the subject called The Two Babylons.

Nathan’s thoughts of his Ph.D Program in Classical Mythology at Cambridge University returned to the present.

“Why,” Nathan asked Miranda, “does the mermaid goddess Atargatis want to destroy Israel?”.

. . .

U.S. President Donald Trump was flying en route to Saudi Arabia when he was handed an NSA report that certain mermaids were plotting to destroy Israel.

Trump was angry when he read the report.

“How,” Trump blew both his top and his toupee, “am I supposed to tweet about this? Especially after I just called former FBI director James Comey a real nut job? And especially in lieu of the fact that polls indicate that some Americans think I’m off my rocker myself?”.

. . .

Dracul Van Helsing was reading the journal of one of his 17th Century ancestors Captain Dante Van Helsing.

The journal had been found floating in a wooden chest on the Aegian Sea after his ancestor’s ship The Virgil went down on his final voyage.

The last entry said that Dante had been turned on by the sight of sirens singing on a rock.

When he neared the rock, a mermaid who called herself Thessalonike of Macedon appeared.

Dracul knew that according to history, Thessalonike of Macedon was the half-sister of Alexander the Great.

According to legend, Alexander had found the Fountain of Immortality and had filled a flask of water from it.

He washed his sister’s hair with the flask.

When Alexander died, his grief-stricken sister threw herself into the sea.

Instead of drowning, she became an immortal mermaid.

When she encountered sailors, she always asked them the same question, “Is Alexander the king alive?”.

The correct answer in her opinion would be, “He lives and reigns and conquers the world.”

If given this answer, she would allow the crew and their ship to sail safely away in calm seas.

Any other answer would send her into a rage and she’d cause the waves to send the ship and every sailor on board to the bottom.

The journal entry ended with Dante saying that Thessalonike had just appeared.

Obviously Dante’s answer of Thessalonike’s question was not to her liking.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 19th
2017.

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