Toad of Toad Hall: Flirting In The Edwardian Age

July 7, 2020 at 10:33 pm (Humour, Literature, Poetry) (, , )

Toad of Toad Hall thought he had it all
even though his Rolls-Royce lost a duel with brick wall
He thought he’d venture forth to London for a few days
As cows ate his flower show flowers during their mid-morning graze

So he would not win this year’s flower show’s top prize
but it would spare the judges allergic tear swelling eyes
With his Rolls-Royce back from the blacksmith looking good as new
He invited Rat, Mole and Badger to join his city venturing crew

To London they went and stayed at a grand hotel
Just up from the palace in a district so swell
Rat, Mole and Badger went to visit city markets
While Toad set his eyes on more pleasing targets

He went backstage to a London theatre show
And entered an actress’ dressing room with his heart all aglow
He got thrown out in the lane with fake theatre stage snow
And left London claiming entry in Oxford’s Thames boat row.


Famous London stage actress Lily Elsie to the London Daily News:
“I did not have any sort of relations with that toad Toad of Toad Hall.”

-A poem written by Christopher
Tuesday July 7th 2020.

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Toad of Toad Hall: An Early July Evening’s Dream

July 5, 2020 at 10:40 pm (Humour, Literature, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Toad of Toad Hall was having a ball
but forgetting to send invitations to all
He spent the evening dancing by himself
And looking at all those bottles of booze on the shelf

“If I drank them all, I’d have quite the hangover
And wouldn’t be sober enough to spot a 4-leaf clover”
So Toad went upstairs and gazed at his portrait
“My God, you look resplendent, my mate”.

The portrait was painted by Amedeo Modigliani
And showed Toad smacking a maidservant on the fanny
He was warned not to show the portrait to suffragettes
Or he might lose some body parts not so repairable by vets.

Toad went downstairs and sat in his favourite chair
And thought to himself, “How green’s my underwear”
He got his valet to bring him some absinthe
because Toad of Toad Hall lacked common sense
And having partook much of the Green Fairy
He fell asleep because he felt so weary.

Toad dreamed he was smelling some blossoms of cherries
As he strode through woods in search of Titania Queen of Fairies
For Toad fancied he and Titania were lovers
As amphibian sighed happily under his covers

And there by soft yonder gleam of elegant moonlight
Toad of Toad Hall encountered a most frightful sight

Nick Bottom that most uneloquent jackass
Was making of Queen Titania his most bonnie lass

Toad’s poor heart was not made of stone
As he listened to Titania’s pleasurable moan
The amphibian’s tender heart did up and break
And imagined wedding nuptials would ‘stead become his wake

As he traversed through the woods in search of a poisoned gourd
He by chance stumbled upon the great Pyramis’ sword
He thrust the sword through his chest
Saying “Cruel fate! Give it a rest!”.

They buried Toad on the other side of the stream
As Rat, Badger and Mole wished it was but a dream
King Oberon heard their wish as he rode a moonbeam
and Toad awakened to the sound of tea kettle steam

-A poem written by Christopher
Sunday July 5th 2020
inspired by Kenneth Graham’s
The Wind In The Willows
and
William Shakespeare’s
A Midsummer Night’s Dream

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Toad of Toad Hall

July 2, 2020 at 10:34 pm (Humour, Literature, Poetry) (, , , , , )

Toad of Toad Hall
Motorbike came to a crawl
As petrol had leaked in bike stall

So Toad took his car keys out of a jar
And went for a spin in his motor car
But when he hit a tree, it gave his car a dent
But since he owned Toad Hall, he didn’t pay any rent

He took his motor boat for a ride down the river
With Dodds for his kidneys and gin for his liver
He passed Mole, Rat and Badger in a row boat
And not watching his way, he hit a castle moat
But lucky for him, his life jacket did float

-A poem written by Christopher
Tuesday July 2nd 2020
Inspired by the characters in
Kenneth Grahame’s
novel
The Wind In The Willows.

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