Michelangelo’s Psychic Transmission From Sometime In The Future

November 16, 2013 at 5:49 pm (Commentary, News, Politics, Satire, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Michelangelo’s Psychic Transmission From Sometime In The Future

Renfield R. Renfield was down at the Set Enterprises Lab once again working with Michelangelo the genetically created psychic lobster.

Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was on hand as was Amadeus Emanon who just went along with Renfield for the ride.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher was Michelangelo’s proud creator.

Michelangelo had the ability to enter people’s dreams and tell what they were dreaming.

He had also on a couple of occasions managed to pick up on his lobster antennae radio news transmissions from the future.

His antennae which were hooked up to a computer broadcast the radio news stories aloud for Renfield and Amadeus to hear.

Renfield decided to pass the time today by seeing if Michelangelo could pick up another radio news transmission from the future.

“I think something is coming in now,” Dr. Rocher smiled.

Renfield turned up the audio on the computer.

“This just in. Today in a Toronto city council meeting, a Toronto city councillor posed Toronto Mayor Rob Ford the question, “Have you ever killed anyone?” to which Mayor Ford replied, “Yes, I have killed someone.”

The admission sent gasps of astonishment throughout council chambers.

There were further calls for the Mayor to resign.

The Premier of Ontario described the Mayor’s actions as “inappropriate and unacceptable for a public official”.

The Chief of Toronto Police was asked at a press conference if Toronto police would pursue criminal charges against Mayor Ford over his latest admission of wrongdoing.

The Chief replied that it would probably take Toronto police another 20 years to investigate the matter before the possibility of laying criminal charges might come up.

Meanwhile in the Canadian House of Commons, Canadian Liberal Party Leader Justin Trudeau called on the Stephen Harper government to exhume the body of Toronto Police Detective Inspector William Murdoch (the subject of CBC’s popular Murdoch Mysteries TV Show) and bring in a Haitian or New Orleans voodoo witch doctor to re-animate the corpse so “that the good citizens of Toronto will finally have a policeman capable of pursuing criminal charges against this nefarious individual.”

When he sat down, a fellow Liberal MP whispered to Mr. Trudeau that CBC’s Murdoch Mysteries was “in fact a fictional TV series and there was no such real historical personage as Toronto Police Detective William Murdoch.”

Mr. Trudeau immediately leapt to his feet, “Mr. Speaker, due to new information I just received, I retract the request…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 15th


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Pan Goatee’s Torture Test

November 7, 2013 at 8:49 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee’s Torture Test




Serial killer and hired U. S. government assassin Pan Goatee was asked by high-ranking officials at the NSA to astral project to Pakistan to interrogate a Taliban official  Shaheen Fazlullah  who had been captured by CIA officials in Pakistan.


Pan Goatee’s past experience had actually been quick decapitations and quick bodily dismemberments.


He had never really done a slow torturous death before.



But he was given a book to read called How To Apply A Slow Torturous Death written by one Renfield R. Renfield the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.




In addition he also watched a video where Rob Ford the Mayor of the City of Toronto, Ontario, Canada threatened to kill someone before poking out his eyes and ripping out their throat first.




With these delightful lessons behind him, Pan Goatee astral projected to Pakistan.





                       .          .            .






Pan Goatee was greeted by the CIA agent in charge of the operation Bob Belfor.



“Nice to meet you, Mr. Belfor,”  Pan Goatee shook his hand, “what did you do for the Agency before capturing Taliban scumbags?”.



“I worked in property restoration,”  Bob Belfor answered, “if a home or business suffered a flood or fire or some other form of disaster or calamity, me and the boys went in and fixed everything up.  Quite literally fixed everything up.  We put in listening devices in that particular home or business.”




“Sounds great,” Pan Goatee smiled.



“Here ‘s the prisoner,”  Bob Belfor introduced him to the man in chains.



“So you’re Shaheen Fazlullah,”  Pan Goatee smiled,  “anyone ever tell you that’s kind of a stupid sounding name?”.




“Drop dead, pig,” Shaheen tried to spit in Pan’s face but the satyr assassin ducked.




“You know speaking of pigs,”  Pan Goatee smiled,  “I’ve got some boiling hot pig fat to rub all over your body.”



As Bob Belfor took a spoon and rubbed boiling hot pig fat all over Shaheen’s body , Pan Goatee asked, “Didn’t your Prophet, curses and damnation be upon him, forbid contact with pork?”.




Pan Goatee took a steaming hot slice of pork and wrapped it around the man’s genitals.  He followed this by wrapping pita bread around the slice of pork and the man’s genitals and then taking a knife and cutting it off.



He then ate it- slice of pork, separated genitals, pita bread and all.



“What a delicious donair,”  Pan Goatee belched.




 Bob Belfor laughed.









To be continued.






-A vampire novel chapter

  written by Christopher

  Thursday November 7th



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Possible Canadian TV News Story In The Future

November 3, 2013 at 3:56 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Announcer:  In the news today, the Conservative government of Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced that it is appointing Toronto Mayor Rob Ford to head a new agency that will oversee the regulation of the unregulated sector of Canada’s drug industry.

Senior civil servants have anonymously given the new position the unofficial title Canada’s Chief Drug Tester…

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