Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane Meet The Brides of Dracula

March 13, 2021 at 10:53 pm (Arts, Celebrities, Comedy, Culture, Entertainment, Gothic romance, Humour, Television, TV Shows, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had been binge watching episodes of the old TV series Frasier.

He then binge watched a Dracula movie marathon.

When that was over, he set his water proof alarm clock moving the time an hour ahead as tomorrow would be the start of Daylight Savings Time.

He then lay back on his water proof pillow and fell asleep.

He had a dream whereby Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane met the Brides of Dracula.

Niles: This is all your fault, Frasier. I don’t really relish the idea of walking around a spooky Transylvanian castle. It doesn’t really cut the mustard in my opinion. Hot doggetty!

Frasier: Niles, I wish you’d stop using those weird euphemisms uttered by that pot smoking hot dog salesman doing those late night infomercials advertising American cuisine recipes you can do in hot tubs. And why is it my fault? You were the one who insisted on giving two rather large glasses of sherry to my BMW’s GPS before we set out on this road trip.

Niles: Yes, well if you had stopped to ask for directions from that transgendered transvestite in the baked potato costume in Boisie, Idaho, we might not be in this mess.

Frasier: No, we might be in a bigger mess.

Niles: What could possibly be a bigger mess than a spooky Transylvanian castle?

Frasier: How about social distancing from a perfect 10 fashion model during a pandemic?

Niles: Frasier, I refuse to believe you dated a perfect 10 fashion model.

Frasier: So does everybody else.

Niles (pointing to a door): Where do you suppose this leads?

Frasier: Oh, I don’t know, Niles. Why don’t you open it and see how many other headwaiters with Hungarian accents lying in coffins we can come across? I haven’t donated so much blood since that multiple radio station personality blood donor challenge in Seattle way back in the day.

Niles (opening door and looking in): It’s the Brides of Dracula.

Frasier (looking in): My God, you’re right, Niles.

Niles: Frasier, I haven’t had so many erotic images and fantasies going through my mind since I first read that scene with the brides of Dracula in Bram Stoker’s novel Dracula as a sophomore back in prep school.

Frasier: That wouldn’t have been the night before the headmaster ordered that major steamcleaning of your mattress?

Niles: Frasier, I wish you hadn’t brought that up.

Frasier: Your mattress probably wished the same thing at the time as well.

Brides of Dracula (calling out): Niles, Frasier!

Niles (rushing in): I regret that I have but one life to give for my fantasy.

Frasier: Niles, quit being such a ham!

(Frasier rushes in)

Frasier: Be a blood sausage like me.

Voice of Count Dracula (singing in the background): I don’t know what to do with that tossed salad and scrambled eggs. They’re calling again.

Voice of Announcer: Good night, Transylvania.

The End.

-A Frasier Meets Brides of Dracula Episode
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 13th
2021.

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Dracul Van Helsing In Transylvania

January 22, 2018 at 10:14 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Dracul Van Helsing In Transylvania

The great Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was in Transylvania.

He was visiting the decaying ruins of Castle Dracula in the Carpathian Mountains near the Borgo Pass.

Accompanying him was Set Enterprises’ chief resident scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher.

The two were seeking the remains of the Wallachian voivode (or prince) Vlad III also known as Vlad Tepes also known as Vlad the Impaler but better known to Britain and the Western world as Vlad Dracula (the son of Vlad Dracul or Vlad the Dragon 🐉 who was Wallachian prince Vlad II).

Both Dracul and Dr. Rocher were in Transylvania on the advice of British MP Renfield R. Renfield who was being advised by the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill (Churchill’s ghost appeared to Renfield by leaving a painted portrait of himself in Renfield’s office whenever Renfield drank from the last bottle of brandy that Churchill ever owned).

According to Renfield and dear old Winnie’s ghost, the only way that Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan could be stopped from creating a revived Ottoman Empire thereby threatening world peace would be if Vlad the Impaler (who made a successful career out of impaling his Turkish enemies) was brought back from the dead.

Sadly for the world in the second decade of the 21st Century, Dracul Van Helsing’s great great grandfather Dr. Abraham Van Helsing had driven a stake through Dracula’s heart in the last decade of the 19th Century.

Ironically Dracul Van Helsing’s Romanian mother Nadja Draculescu was a direct descendant of Vlad Dracula.

Which made Dracul a direct descendant of Vlad Dracula as well.

So on his father’s side, he was a Van Helsing.

On his mother’s side, he was a Dracula.

When they found Dracula’s coffin in the dungeon of Castle Dracula, Dracul Van Helsing and Dr. Cadbury Rocher opened it.

Inside they found the dust that had been Dracula.

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,” Dracul quoted from the burial service in the Anglican Book of Common Prayer.

“Son of man, can these bones live?” Dr. Cadbury Rocher quoted Ezekiel Chapter 37 verse 3.

Dr. Rocher then zapped the dust and bones with his Tesla laser particle beam flashlight helmet wearing pink rabbit Energizer Bunny.

The atomic particles and sub-atomic particles of Dracula’s body re-assembled itself.

The Energizer Bunny kept going, saying in a TV commercial announcer style voice, “It keeps going and going…”

And going and going it did.

It kept going out the door of the Castle and kept going right over a cliff.

It wasn’t in any shape to keep going once it had made its landing however.

Meanwhile Dracula now had his head and heart attached.

Dracula had risen from the dead.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 22nd
2018.

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