Renfield, Two Popes, An Epidemic and American Politics

March 6, 2020 at 11:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Renfield, Two Popes, An Epidemic and American Politics

“For those people who always wondered what it was like to live in the 14th Century, you’re about to find out. We’ve got two living Popes (one of whom is most likely an Antipope) and a mass epidemic going on.”

-Renfield R. Renfield MP

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was once again being interviewed on a British news program.

BBC Interviewer: So going across the Pond (a goldfish leapt from one pond to another directly behind the interviewer) and taking a look at U.S. politics, what is your take on the past week?

Renfield: Well it appears that most of the Democratic Party establishment has come to the conclusion that the only candidate who can defeat Donald Trump is senile Joe Biden. The Centre For Disease Control in Atlanta should really start examining the possibility that Joe Biden’s senility is contagious as it seems to have spread to the rest of the Democratic Party.

Interviewer (clearing his throat): What about the claim now being made that America is not yet ready for a female President? As the three leading contenders for President all seem to be white straight males in their 70s?

Renfield: Yes, every asshole and his shit licking dog seems to be making the claim that America is not yet ready for a female President and are whining and snivelling about it on social media whether it’s their blog posts, Twitter or Facebook. With the exception of Rep. Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii, every woman who ran for the Democratic Party nomination this time around isn’t really worth writing home about. Never mind electing them President.

Interviewer: So you’re saying that most of the women candidates who were running for President this year just aren’t worth it?

Renfield: Brilliant deduction as my friend the ghost of Sherlock Holmes would say. There’s a new American TV show out called Tommy whose premise is about the first woman to be appointed Chief of the Los Angeles Police Force. In one of the trailer commercials for the episode, Chief Tommy tells an associate, “If I don’t do my job exceptionally well , it will be another 30 years before another woman is named Chief of Police for LA.” If any of the bimbos running for President (Tulsi Gabbard is the only woman candidate who isn’t a bimbo) had won the Presidency this year, it would have been another 60 years before another woman is elected President of the U.S. And if a certain spirit cooking witch and sampler of Roman Polanski and Jeffrey Epstein style pizza toppings had been elected President in 2016, it would have been another 200 years before another woman was elected President of the United States. That is if she hadn’t destroyed the planet in an exchange of nuclear weapons with Russia’s Vladimir Putin first. Which is probably what would have happened if the Trump Failed To Lock Her Up Witch had won the 2016 election.

Interviewer (shifting uncomfortably in his arm chair): So making another brilliant deduction, I take it you’d support Tulsi Gabbard if you lived in the U.S.

Renfield: Yes, as further proof that great minds think alike, my friend the vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and I only thought highly of 3 candidates running for the Democratic Party nomination – John Hickenlooper, Andrew Yang and Tulsi Gabbard.
Two of those have dropped out. And only Tulsi remains. And the Democratic Party establishment will certainly ensure that she doesn’t get the nomination since she wants to put an end to America’s insane policy of endless regime change wars – which is supported by both major parties – Republican and Democrat.

Interviewer: So what about this argument that in America in 2020, you have to be white, male, straight and septuagenarian to be President.

Renfield: Just further proof that most media commentators in the mainstream media and pompous pontificators on social media have the same amount of knowledge of history. Which is to say- nil. If these people had ever bothered studying the extremely unusual mentor/protege relationship that went on between mentor Roy Cohn (former chief legal counsel to Sen. Joe McCarthy in the 1950s) and his young protege Donald Trump back in the 1970s, they wouldn’t label Trump with the epithet “straight”.
It would be more appropriate to have that old country/western song “This Door Swings Both Ways” playing in the background.
And I’ll wager that if Australia’s infamous Uncle Ernie “came a Waltzing Matilda” through the doors of the Oval Office wearing only his pink sequined g-string, Trump would be putting on a Celine Dion Vegas show style evening dress and breaking into a chorus of one of Celine’s old hits, “It’s all coming back to me now… ”
Then what will probably happen is that Trump’s evangelical church prayer group will walk into the Oval Office just as Trump and Uncle Ernie are in the heights of Apollo-Hyacinth like passion and get the shock of their lives.
They will be followed seconds later by the ghost of Salvador Dali who will walk in and likewise get the shock of his afterlife.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 6th
2020.

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Winter Solstice Cheer At The Clintons

December 21, 2019 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , )

Winter Solstice Cheer At The Clintons

Some friends of Bill and Hillary Clinton had dropped around their place for a Happy Winter Solstice Party.

After hanging their coats up and passing the statue of the ancient Roman god Saturn arm wrestling with the Persian Mithraic/Roman god Sol Invictus, the couple walked into the living room.

There on the living room floor was Hillary Clinton on all fours.

She had grown herself a pair of horns on her head as well as claws, paws and hooves on her feet and fangs and tusks on her teeth.

She was foaming at the mouth, “Tulsi Gabbard is a Russian asset, Tulsi Gabbard is a Russian asset…”
which she kept repeating over and over again.

“What’s the matter with Hillary?” One of the friends asked Bill.

“Well,” Bill explained, “She’s been like that ever since Hawaii Rep. Tulsi Gabbard voted Present but did not vote either Yes or No at the House of Representatives Congressional vote on Donald Trump’s impeachment earlier this week.”

“Jesus Christ said if you’re neither hot nor cold, if you’re lukewarm, then He would vomit you out of His mouth,” Hillary noted, “Therefore Tulsi, I vomit you out of my mouth.”

Hillary then spewed forth green pea soup in Linda Blair like Exorcist fashion out of her mouth.

“Now Hillary is comparing herself to Jesus Christ,” another friend noted.

“Which is proof positive that Hillary isn’t feeling well,” Bill nodded his head, “since usually she thinks of herself as superior to Jesus Christ.”

Then Bill added, “Which is exactly the same way some Republican Congressmen see Donald Trump. As superior to Jesus Christ.”

Outside the Lincoln Memorial in the Capitol, the ghost of Abraham Lincoln looked on sadly as the lights seemed to go out all over Washington DC.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 21st
2019.

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Hillary Clinton’s Neo-McCarthyism and Russian Assets Under Every Mattress

October 23, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Hillary Clinton’s Neo-McCarthyism and Russian Assets Under Every Mattress

Former U.S. President Bill Clinton was at his laptop in his living room looking at the website Nubile Young Babes when he suddenly noticed his wife former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton flying in on her broomstick out the window.

Bill quickly moved over to the New York Times website where he pretended to be highly engrossed in an article on geothermal engineering and technology.

“How did all your TV interviews go today, dear?” Bill asked Hillary as she came strolling through the door with her broomstick.

“Wonderful,” Hillary smiled as she removed toads and snakes out of her boots, “I had a blast telling everyone that Tulsi Gabbard was a Russian asset.”

“Good for you, dear,” Bill commented as he tried to visualize what Tulsi Gabbard would look like in a blue dress.

“Even BBC interviewed me,” Hillary turned on the TV by wrinkling her nose instead of using the remote, “I wonder if that interview is on yet.”

Hillary wrinkled her nose again and the channel switched to BBC World News.

Rather than Hillary, it was British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering being interviewed.

“Moving across the pond to the question of U.S. politics, Mr. Renfield,” the interviewer inquired, “Why do you think Hillary Clinton has it in for Hawaii Rep. Tulsi Gabbard and is calling her a Russian asset?”.

“Because Tulsi who has actually fought in a war unlike Hillary or her husband Bill,” Renfield replied, “knows that going into war is no laughing matter.”

Hillary cackled at Renfield’s response.

“And of course Hillary is part of the perpetual regime change war machine that dominates Washington D.C. in both parties Republican and Democrat,” Renfield went on, “and Tulsi wants to end this insane U.S. policy of perpetual war. Better to spend the U.S. budget on programs that benefit the American people such as better health care and education.”

“What hogwash!” Hillary commented as she bathed her pet pig Beelzebub in a tub of water.

“But still Tulsi is not that high up in the poll ratings is she?” The BBC interviewer asked, “Why would Hillary consider the representative from Hawaii a threat to Washington DC’s perpetual regime change war machine?”.

“Well of course the polls that the establishment media such as CNN, The New York Times and The Washington Post drone on and on about show Tulsi not doing well,” Renfield agreed, “but one of the very few areas where I’m actually in agreement with Donald Trump is in referring to these establishment media outlets as fake news. Those polls that show Tulsi doing well they ignore as does the DNC (Democratic National Commitee). This past summer after the debate in which Tulsi Gabbard ko’d Kamala Harris out of the U.S. Democratic Presidential race, many polls showed up putting Tulsi Gabbard in first place. So of course the establishment media ignored those polls and the DNC immediately changed the rules of which polls they follow to decide who’d participate in the next round of presidential debates. They didn’t want the Establishment’s preferred candidate Sen. Elizabeth Warren to be ko’d by Tulsi Gabbard so they kept Tulsi out of the next rounds of debates save of course this last one which Tulsi had considered boycotting because of the DNC’s manipulations.”

“So in your opinion, Elizabeth Warren is the Democratic Party establishment’s preferred candidate?” The interviewer asked.

“Yes, Sen. Elizabeth Warren whom Trump once referred to as Pocahontas,” Renfield nodded, “Speaking of which just the other day I happened to run into the ghost of Captain John Smith who’s on temporary dispensational leave from Purgatory. And Captain John Smith’s ghost addressing this very subject said, “I knew Pocahontas. I was a friend of Pocahontas. Sen. Elizabeth Warren is no Pocahontas.” So there’s a different perspective for you.”

The BBC interviewer helped himself to a stiff shot of whisky after Renfield’s last remark and continued, “And you think Tulsi is still doing well in other polls? And this is why Secretary Clinton is attacking her and calling her a Russian asset?”.

“I do,” Renfield nodded again, “You have to understand that there’s really only one political party in the United States of America. A political party that I call the Perpetual War, Sleaze, Corruption and Pedophilia Party. And this Perpetual War, Sleaze, Corruption and Pedophilia Party happens to be made up of two wings. A left wing called the Democrats. And a right wing called the Republicans. But it’s all devoted to one and the same cause- promoting perpetual war, sleaze, corruption and pedophilia. And the good warmongering Hillary Clinton will attack anybody who stands outside that cause such as Tulsi Gabbard.”

Hillary coughed up numerous flies and locusts with scorpion tails at Renfield’s last remark, “That Renfield must be a Russian asset himself. Where does he get off saying that there really is only one political party in the U.S. the Perpetual War, Sleaze, Corruption and Pedophilia Party?”.

“I have no idea, dear,” Bill answered who was thinking about the numerous times he had flown down to Florida with Jeffrey Epstein on his private plane.

“I’m so angry, I’m going to order myself a pizza,” Hillary picked up her mobile phone and phoned a pizza place that was noted for not making very good pizza.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 23rd
2019.

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