NATO Summit London

December 3, 2019 at 10:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

NATO Summit London

Donald Trump and French President Emmanuel Macron met and wrestled with one another.

Macron asked, “What’s the purpose of NATO? There is no purpose to NATO. The Cold War has been over for almost 30 years.”

Trump responded, “We have new enemies. China is the new enemy.”

The Donald mentioned this even as he was placing an order for Chinese food on his Huawei smart phone.

Then at 10 Downing Street, Boris Johnson hosted a dinner meeting with Emmanuel Macron, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

Macron and Erdogan then got into a wrestling match over NATO.

“NATO is brain dead,” said Macron.

“On the contrary, you’re brain dead,” Erdogan responded, “for not knowing what a terrorist is.”

“What is a terrorist?” Angela Merkel asked as she applied pancake makeup and a maple syrup facial cream mask to her face.

“Anybody of Kurdish ancestry,” Erdogan answered as he held the French leader in a choke hold.

“Who am I going to wrestle with?” Angela Merkel asked Boris Johnson as Erdogan and Macron continued to wrestle with one another on the kitchen table knocking over plates and dishes.

Boris Johnson said he was going to step outside for a moment in an effort to avoid wrestling with Angela Merkel.

As Johnson stepped outside 10 Downing Street, a reporter asked him, “Mr. Johnson, how many children do you have?” which was a question the British Prime Minister was recently asked in a BBC TV interview.

“I don’t know how many children I have,” Johnson answered angrily which was the same response he gave the BBC interviewer.

“Now there’s a frightening thought,” the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu remarked to British MP Renfield R. Renfield as they were sitting in a 2nd floor office at 10 Downing Street, “Boris Johnson has done it so many times with different women, he doesn’t know how many children he’s had.”

“That is a frightening thought,” Renfield admitted as his hair started to stand on end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 3rd
2019.

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More of Renfield’s Hard Ball On Brexit

October 20, 2019 at 10:03 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

More of Renfield’s Hard Ball On Brexit

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was listening to BBC World News on the radio.

BBC Announcer: Meanwhile in Turkey, Turkish police are still looking for a beautiful Anglo-Indian woman who kicked Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan in the balls with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes this past Friday night…

Renfield smiled as he turned off the radio, “Glad to see Miranda delivered my message to Erdogan.”

“Undoubtedly a lot more effective than a singing telegram,” Amadeus Emanon had to admit, “so what have you got planned further in terms of domestic politics now that the international front has been covered?”.

“Well, of course, Conservative MP Sir Oliver Letwin has to be punished for bringing in that amendment in the Commons yesterday to withhold approval of the Johnson-Renfield Brexit deal until all the necessary legislation to implement it has been passed and to force the Prime Minister to write a letter to the EU requesting an extension to Brexit beyond the current October 31st deadline under the terms of the so-called Benn Act,” Renfield brought his Halloween vampire costume fangs out and put them in his mouth.

“Did Johnson send the letter?” Amadeus asked.

“He did,” Renfield nodded, “albeit without his signature. At my suggestion of course. He then sent a second letter- this one signed- explaining to the EU why he believed a Brexit delay beyond October 31st would be a mistake. Of course some bozo in the Opposition parties will probably take the whole thing up with the cannabis filled haggis eating Justices on the Scottish High Court claiming that Johnson violated the Benn Act.”

“I can see that happening,” Amadeus agreed.

“Am I the only one,” Renfield struck a freedom fighter pose, “who is able to see the fact that if the British Parliament can pass a law forcing the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom to write a letter against his will, they could pass a law forcing any British subject to write a letter against their will?”.

“You’re the only one who can see that,” Amadeus noted.

“Well, thank God I’m in Parliament then,” Renfield made the Sign of the Cross causing his vampire fangs to pop out.

“What have you got planned for Sir Oliver Letwin?” Amadeus asked.

“A double whammy,” Renfield smiled, “or should I say a triple whammy? Mulligan the Irish zombie will be singing outside Sir Oliver’s residence tonight songs from a never performed musical inspired by the incomprehensible prose to be found in Karl Marx’s lengthy and long winded tome Das Kapital. He will be accompanied by Pan Goatee’s younger brother the infamous kilt wearing Scottish satyr bagpiper Pan Deux playing the bagpipes as well as a loud speaker played recording of the moans and groans made by U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi while using a vibrator she confiscated from Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.”

Sir Oliver Letwin would undoubtedly think twice about trying to cross Renfield R. Renfield.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 20th
2019.

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Miranda Singh Secret Agent Extraordinaire

October 18, 2019 at 10:51 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Miranda Singh Secret Agent Extraordinaire

Miranda Singh secret agent extraordinaire 

Miranda Singh was the personal secretary and executive assistant to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

She also did secret agent work on behalf of British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering.

Her next mission was to fly to Turkey to deliver a personal message to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan from Renfield.

She reflected that the message she was going to deliver to Erdogan would be a lot more painful than Donald Trump’s butt kissing message to Erdogan in which the Donald gave permission to the Turkish President to help himself to vast swathes of northern Syria 20 miles deep inside the country across the Turkish-Syrian border.

She proceeded to polish and shine and sharpen her spiked stilettos on her high-heeled shoes with which she was going to deliver the message to Erdogan.

. . .

Donald Trump was walking down one of the White House hall corridors when he noticed a glass of orange juice that one of the Secret Service detail had left lying around.

Since Trump had, in a deal, recently given sovereign national territory that didn’t belong to him and wasn’t his to give (i.e. Huge swathes of Syrian territory) over to Turkey, the Donald had no moral qualms (since he didn’t have any morals either) about helping himself to a glass of orange juice that didn’t belong to him and drinking the contents.

“Wow,” Trump said to himself as he sat down at his Oval Office desk after drinking the entire large glass of orange juice, “that’s the best tasting glass of orange juice I’ve ever tasted in my life. I wonder where that secret service agent bought it?”.

At that moment a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit with big pink floppety ears entered the Oval Office.

“Where the Hell did you come from?” Trump asked.

“You can see me?” The exceptionally tall bunny rabbit was astounded.

“I can,” Trump nodded.

“You must have drank a Harvey Wallbanger recently,” said Harvey Tallbanger.

“A Harvey what?” Trump was confused like he was whenever an item from the U.S. Constitution was read to him.

“I’m here to present you with the Neville Chamberlain Munich Peace Prize Award,” Tallbanger held up a box.

Trump had never heard of the Neville Chamberlain Munich Peace Prize but he was grateful to be receiving some sort of peace prize since he was overlooked by this year’s Nobel Peace Prize Committee.

Something he shared in common with Greta Thunberg.

“And what did I do to deserve this?” Trump asked beaming like the noonday sun.

“By handing over another country’s territory that didn’t belong to you to a land grabbing despot from a third country to take for himself,” Tallbanger answered.

“I’m always happy to oblige,” Trump beamed like the full moon in a Moonlight Madness Furniture Sale TV commercial.

“And here’s your award,” Tallbanger started taking it out of the box.

“Bring it on,” Trump said like he did when he awarded the G-7 summit to one of his own Florida golf resorts.

Within seconds, a cream pie landed full force in his face.

“I don’t think this cream goes well with my toupee,” Trump remarked as he looked at himself in the mirror.

“Nothing in heaven or on earth or under the earth goes well with your toupee,” Harvey answered.

. . .

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was in his parliamentary office with his fellow Transhumanist Party caucus member and parliamentary colleague the Welsh vampiress Morgana.

Since both were deputy ministers in Boris Johnson’s cabinet, they were laying out last minute strategy to get the Johnson-Renfield Brexit deal passed in tomorrow’s rare sitting of the Westminster House of Commons on a Saturday.

Renfield had driven his own car over to Parliament today.

His vehicle was momentarily blocked by a group of Extinction Rebellion protestors on the street.

Renfield ended the Extinction Rebellion protestors’ protest by running them over.

“They’re definitely extinct now,” was Renfield’s comment to Morgana as he entered the office.

. . .

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 18th
2019.

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Kurdish Dancers, Arabian Nights and No Turkish Delights

October 12, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Kurdish Dancers, Arabian Nights and No Turkish Delights

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was about to have a phone call with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan regarding the Turkish invasion of northern Syria.

He decided to have Renfield R. Renfield his Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering in the background during the call.

Renfield being Renfield would undoubtedly do or say something that would help pressure Erdogan during the phone call and encourage him to pull out of Turkey.

As Johnson began talking to Erdogan, Renfield began singing his own paraphrased version of the song Henry VIII an old time honoured British music hall song.

Renfield singing,

“I am Erdogan the last I am, I am,
I just gave syphilis to the neighbour next door,
I’ve given out syphilis several times before,
every dirty sperm is an Erdogan, 
ERDOGAN!
I’m Erdogan the last, I am, I am…”

“I hate the British!” Was Erdogan’s remark when he had finished the call with Johnson.

. . .

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman was in the kitchen of one of his palaces where the cooks were preparing bones and meat left over from the Prince’s various opponents who had encountered MbS’s janitorial maintenance cleaning crews throughout the world.

“All these dishes are being prepared for the right guest,” MbS proudly told the ghost of Lady MacBeth who served as his spirit advisor.

“I see more American troops are arriving in Saudi Arabia,” Lady MacBeth commented.

“Yes, rather splendid of Trump to pull his troops out of Syria and start sending his troops over here to the Kingdom,” MbS smiled.

“Nothing like stabbing the Kurds in the back,” remarked the ghost of Brutus (who had stabbed Julius Caesar) as he ran by while being chased by Cerberus after he had temporarily escaped from the Underworld.

. . .

Donald Trump was in a garden when he saw a beautiful brunette woman in an exquisite and lovely green evening dress dancing sensuously in the moonlight.

Trump looked around.

No sign of Melania or anyone else.

Trump smiled.

He walked towards the woman and decided to be his usual charming self in order to entice the woman to him.

“Birds do it, bees do it,” Trump began singing, “even dogs and trees do it…”

Trump approached the woman.

He decided to use that classic pick up line from the Peter Sellers movie There’s A Girl In My Soup, “My God, but you’re lovely…”

“I’m also Kurdish,” the woman with flashing dark eyes pulled a knife out from under her dress and stabbed him… in the front… a little due south.

Trump woke up in a sweat.

He suddenly thought he heard Middle Eastern music being played from the White House garden.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 12th
2019

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Renfield Discusses The Turkish Invasion of Syria

October 10, 2019 at 10:28 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses The Turkish Invasion of Syria

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing the Turkish invasion of Syria with his friend Amadeus Emanon.

“Well several civilians have been killed and tens of thousands of people have been forced to flee their homes in northern Syria as a result of the megalomaniac Erdogan’s invasion,” Renfield remarked as he carved a turkey to make a turkey sandwich.

“And is the megalomaniac Trump going to do anything about it?” Amadeus asked as he carved a ham to make a ham sandwich.

“No, he’s too worried about impeachment,” Renfield added a sliced peach to his turkey sandwich, “a couple of Eastern European friends of his lawyer Rudy Giuliani were arrested today and charged with campaign finance fraud in making illegal contributions to Trump’s 2016 campaign.”

Some shit hit the fan in the kitchen at that moment.

“I should have known better than to leave the window open with all those geese blowing around in this windstorm,” Renfield closed the window.

“Where is most of the fighting in northern Syria taking place at the moment?” Amadeus asked.

“Around the border towns of Ras al-Ain and Tal Abyad,” Renfield answered.

“And what is the UN doing about it?” Amadeus inquired.

“What the UN always does in these situations,” Renfield acknowledged, “Nothing.”

Athelstan the butler entered the kitchen to make tea, “I understand the UN Security Council held an emergency meeting today to discuss the situation at the request of Britain, France, Germany, Belgium and Poland.”

“Which will just produce nothing but a lot of handwringing,” Renfield noted.

A bunch of severed hands from living dead zombies began ringing the doorbell.

Athelstan went to the door with a can of RAID House and Garden Zombie Killer and started spraying the hands where they dropped like flies.

“I see Erdogan says that he’ll send the 3.6 million refugees that Turkey hosts to Europe if Europe dares to call the Turkish offensive an occupation,” Amadeus added mustard to his ham sandwich.

“Yes, Erdogan seems to have a thing about certain words,” Renfield put cranberries on his turkey, “just like he doesn’t like it when you call what Turkey did to the Armenians in 1915 a genocide.”

“How’s Prince Vlad Dracula doing on the ground in northern Syria?” Amadeus inquired.

“He’s fighting alongside the Kurds,” Renfield bit into his turkey sandwich, “and his daughter the Countess Draculina has joined him along with my personal Army brigade of Gurkhas.”

Countess Draculina: Battling the invading Turkish forces of Recep Tayyip Erdogan

. . .

Pope Francis was at his desk in his Vatican apartment when the phone rang.

It was Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan calling.

“Hello, Frankie old boy,” the Turkish President tried to sound informal, “I hear you deny the incarnate deity of Jesus Christ. Being a Muslim, I too deny the incarnate deity of Jesus Christ. So since we have that in common, I was wondering if you’d like to take part in my coronation when I’m crowned Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire.”

“What was the date you planned for that?” Francis asked.

Erdogan answered.

“Let me check my calendar,” Francis opened his little red notebook with a photo of Chairman Mao on the cover, “Yes, that should be fine.”

A lemon meringue pie was thrown in Francis’ face at that moment just as Swiss Guards outside the apartment shouted that a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit had just entered the papal apartment.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 10th
2019.

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Renfield Discusses Pope Francis, Turkey and Belgium With Geeta Guru-Murthy

October 9, 2019 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Renfield Discusses Pope Francis, Turkey and Belgium With Geeta Guru-Murthy

BBC’s Geeta Guru-Murthy was interviewing British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering.

They were discussing major happenings from around the world.

“Now, my first question to you, Mr. Renfield,” Geeta began, “does not involve strictly a political matter. However it has caused a great deal of controversy around the world and does involve a major global institution. The issue is of course the claim made by Italian journalist Eugenio Scalfari in today’s issue of La Republicca newspaper that Pope Francis does not believe in the incarnate Deity of Jesus Christ. What is your reaction?”.

“Well if Scalfari’s claims are true,” Renfield answered, “then we have the 2019 answer to that old question, Is the Pope Catholic? And that answer is, he isn’t.”

“Now regarding the situation in northern Syria,” Geeta went on, “Is it true that you sent your own personal Army Brigade of Gurkas over there to fight alongside the Kurds against Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s invading forces?”.

“It’s true,” Renfield answered as he ate a donair.

“And what do you think Erdogan has in mind in invading northern Syria?” Geeta queried.

“Well,” Renfield wiped his mouth with a napkin, “Erdogan’s attitude is if genocide was good enough for the Armenians in 1915, then it’s good enough for the Kurds in 2019.”

Renfield’s statement was met with a visceral reaction by the Turkish Ambassador in London who sent off a fiery letter of protest to the British Foreign Office.

Later when Renfield got home and was informed of the Turkish Ambassador’s note, Renfield thought to himself, “The Turkish Ambassador has obviously got his knickers in a knot.”

He immediately called the Sherrielock Holmes Dominatrix Agency to unknot the Turkish Ambassador’s knickers for him.

Later that night, the Turkish Ambassador was ambushed by 4 dominatrixes who pulled his pants down and cut up his underpants with scissors.

Geeta then asked Renfield, “What is your reaction to former Belgian Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt’s severe criticism of the Johnson government’s handling of Brexit that he made during a heated exchange in the European Parliament today?”.

“It made me seriously wonder whether we the British were correct in coming to the defence of Belgium back in 1914 when the Kaiser’s Germany invaded the country,” Renfield ate a plate of sauerkraut and sausages, “After all the evil Belgian King Leopold II committed genocide against 10 million Africans when he established a colony in the Congo not to mention robbing that country of most of its wealth thus making Belgium the wealthy spoiled brat country that it is today. We have to seriously ask ourselves was it worth it for the British Empire to declare war on Germany to come to Belgium’s defence thus setting in motion the First World War (with its resulting 4 years of horrific bloodshed) when had we ignored Belgium’s plight, the conflict would have remained strictly a European conflict rather than become a world wide conflict? Was it worth all that bloodshed to come to the aid of a country that is home to the world’s worst makers of Belgian waffles?”.

Renfield’s comment was met with a vitriolic reaction by the Belgian Ambassador to London who likewise sent off a fiery letter of protest to the British Foreign Office.

Later that night, the Belgian Ambassador was likewise ambushed by 4 leather skirted dominatrixes who pulled his pants down and cut up his underpants with scissors.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 9th
2019.

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Ghost of Orson Welles Meets Belvedere In Istanbul

May 6, 2019 at 9:40 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The ghost of Orson Welles was sitting in a cafe in Istanbul.

He had been told by a Russian spy beluga whale whom he had helped to defect to Norway this past weekend that the lovely mermaid Miranda when swimming through the Bosphorus Strait would often shapeshift into full human form and visit the Marmara Cafe in downtown Istanbul of which she loved the Turkish coffee being served there.

Welles could never recall meeting an actual mermaid in his past mortal life or current ghostly life so he decided to come to Istanbul and visit the Marmara Cafe on the off chance that he might meet Miranda.

Welles sat at a back table in the corner of the cafe and sipped a glass of spectral red wine occasionally glancing at the entrance to see if any woman who might be a mermaid in full human form came walking through the door.

He recited William Butler Yeats’ Sailing To Byzantium as he sat,

“… And therefore have I sailed the seas and come
To the holy city of Byzantium. ”

“Orson!” A voice shouted from the doorway.

It was the voice of Belvedere the ghost of a ghost white salamander.

Belvedere had been human but back in the mid-1880s in the American Wild West had been turned into a ghost white salamander through an ancient Egyptian spell cast by a gypsy woman who worked in the Wild West saloon where he worked as a bartender.

He became the ghost of a ghost white salamander when he crawled outside and was run over by a settlers’ ox cart heading west.

The first and last time Belvedere saw Welles was back in October 1938 just prior to the then Boy Wonder delivering his famous Halloween War of The Worlds broadcast.

“Belvedere,” the ghost of Orson Welles lit a spectral cigar, “Long time no see.”

“I see we’re both ghosts now,” Belvedere sat across from the spectral cinematic talent.

“Such are the ravages of time,” Welles blew rosebud shaped smoke rings, “unless we be vampires, vampiresses, gods, goddesses or immortal dominatrixes who have eaten just the right amount of Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms, we must all succumb to the hands of the scythe wielding spectre Death there to see our flesh melt and our bones turned to dust and our spirits wandering earth, purgatory or paradise until such time as our bodies and souls are reunited into a new transformed whole on the Day of Judgment.”

“Eloquent as ever, my friend,” Belvedere was impressed.

“So, what are you doing these days?” Welles sipped his wine, “What brings you to Istanbul?”.

“I am now a reporter for The Times of London,” the ghost white salamander answered, “I’m here on assignment. Turkey’s chief electoral body has ordered that Istanbul’s local elections be re-held after President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Islamist AK Party lost to the opposition secularist CHP Party after a shock opposition victory this past March.”

“It is indeed a hatchet in the cake of dictatorship when the trappings of democracy come crashing down just as the cake is being wheeled into the banquet hall where Ottoman Sultans once dined and harem girls once danced,” Welles helped himself to spectral caviar and spread it on a spectral slice of bread.

“Erdogan is indeed upset about the whole thing,” Belvedere agreed, “He himself used to be Mayor of Istanbul many years ago.”

“Such is the power of the spirit of Byzantium,” Welles drank a toast, “that this city can survive the misrule of a petty despot such as Erdogan.”

“Istanbul’s new CHP Mayor Ekrem Imamoglu is confident that he can win again in the re-held election,” Belvedere remarked.

“Beware the sting of scorpions and the fangs of serpents,” Welles’ baritone voice shook the cafe, “for my friends who still fast in the fires of Purgatory inform me that Lady MacBeth’s ghost serves as an advisor to Erdogan.”

“Great Scot! And great Caesar’s ghost!” Belvedere’s ghostly white face turned even more ghostly white, “Lady MacBeth!”.

“Never was a Film Noir Femme Fatale more femme fatalish than Lady MacBeth as the Bard so adeptly captured her personality, soul and spirit in his Scottish Play,” Welles raised his finger in the air to capture the direction the Mid-East winds were blowing, “for she serves not only as advisor to Erdogan but advisor to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman as well. Tantalizing both claimants to a future Caliphate. Playing one side against the other. Stringing both together as if playing on a harp whose strings are made of human sinews.”

Belvedere decided to change to a cheerier subject.

“Have you ever watched Game of Thrones?” Belvedere asked.

“I have never watched an episode in full,” Welles confessed, “I have watched segments of certain programs on YouTube.”

“What do you think?” Belvedere inquired.

“What do I think?” Welles lit another spectral cigar, inhaled and then exhaled smoke rings like dragons, “I think Game of Thrones captures what the world of Medieval Europe would have been like if there had been no figure of Christ at the center of the culture of Medieval Europe.”

“Really?” Belvedere pondered this thought.

“In such a Medieval Europe,” Welles took the final sip of what remained of his glass, “Every ruler would be able to say… we are all Lady MacBeth.”

As a woman in another corner of the cafe claimed to have just given birth to dragons, the ghost of Lady MacBeth entered the cafe’s entrance still carrying stains of blood on her spectral formerly mortal hands.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 6th 2019
Orson Welles’ 104th
birthday.

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Ghost of Orson Welles Recites Poetry While Waiting On Shore For Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector

May 4, 2019 at 10:14 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Poetry, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The ghost of Orson Welles stood on the Norwegian shoreline waiting for a Russian spy beluga whale to defect to the Norwegian government.

Standing alongside Welles was the Norwegian defense minister who was busy eating a can of Hertfordshire frozen peas and a can of Norwegian frozen cod.

As Welles sipped a glass of spectral red wine, he recited poetry:

On a sultry Arabian night, fair Scheherazade began the first of her 1001 tales
Whilst here I stand on this Norse shore and wait for a sign or spash from one of the beluga whales
Julian Assange meanwhile is in a British jail
releasing Hillary’s emails may prove a major fail
Does he have a cell mate who’ll sodomize him in the ass?
While Joe Biden laughs, this too shall come to pass?

Today Turkey’s President tweeted another verbal attack against Israel
Because Erdogan thinks he can an Ottoman sultan’s slippers fill
This past week a group of Catholic scholars charged Pope Francis with heresy
Had Francis lived in Christ’s time, would he have been the chief Pharisee?

Another coup attempt in Venezuela
ear marked of CIA hubris-philia
John Bolton and Mike Pompeo continue to beat the drums of war
Whilst Xi and Putin may boot the U.S. through Hades’ door
Are these the times foreseen by William Butler Yeats?
Is humanity’s thread to be cut by the deadliest of the Fates?

Yeats wrote in his poem The Second Coming
in his mind hearing distant war’s drums drumming
The best lack all conviction while the worst are full of passionate intensity.
Today it’s all pride and prejudice, little sense and sensibility.

No Sunday Masses being said in Sri Lanka
Because of Islamic State fanatica
Violence eats innocence with each passing hour
Statesmen are concerned not with truth but with power
And the foot of the god Ares has crushed many a flower

And now I wait for the sight of beluga whale
Humanity’s passing grade is F for a fail
Is dust in the wind all we shall be at the end of the day
As I watch the salt water splash on these shores of Norway?

-A poem written by Christopher
and recited by the ghost
of Orson Welles
Saturday May 4th
2019.


My childhood cinematic hero the great actor, director and writer
Orson Welles
in a poetic, poignant and powerfully compelling scene
from his movie F Is For Fake.

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Renfield Discusses Despot Erdogan

March 20, 2019 at 8:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

It was March 20th 2019.

The spring equinox in the northern hemisphere had arrived.

And it was the evening of the Super Worm Moon.

And the Byzantine vampiress Theodora had put something in Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Turkish coffee that would give the Islamist despot and would-be Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire an extremely bad case of ring worm and tape worms the next morning.

Meanwhile in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing Erdogan’s latest actions with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

“Erdogan is trying to show the world that he’s the Donald Trump of Turkey,” Renfield commented, “while Facebook and Instagram have been removing all traces of the Australian white supremacist terrorist’s footage of the Christchurch mosque mass shootings, the asshole Erdogan has been showing the footage at at least eight election rallies to whip up anti-western sentiment in Turkey and help his Islamist party win local elections.”

“Will it work?” Amadeus asked.

“Time will tell,” said Renfield, “the thing that some fanatical piece of garbage does on one side of the world (in this case New Zealand) always inspires some fanatical piece of sewer filth on the other side of the world (in this case, Erdogan in Turkey) to take advantage of it.
Just like when some militant Islamist terrorist group commits an atrocity, Trump will shoot off some idiotic tweet about “we need to build a wall.” #HittingMyHeadConstantlyAgainstABrick.”

Angelique Dumont commented, “I noticed at a rally commemorating the 1915 defeat of British, Australian and New Zealander forces by Ottoman troops at Gallipoli that was held this week in Turkey, Erdogan commented, “Your grandparents came here and returned in coffins. Have no doubt we will send you back like your grandfathers” in a direct address to the people of Australia and New Zealand which shocked both the Australian and New Zealand governments.”

“I see no one has bothered to point out to the bozo that while the Ottoman Empire won at Gallipoli, they went on to lose the First World War,” Renfield commented as he ate his roast turkey sandwich.

“Despots only celebrate their victories, never their defeats,” Angelique noted.

“That’s very true,” Renfield nodded.

“So who’s going to stop Erdogan from rebuilding the Ottoman Empire?” Amadeus asked.

The ghost of Sir Winston Churchill sitting at the next table contemplated that question.

After all, he was the one who had planned the attack on Gallipoli.

Something which definitely turned out to be NOT his finest hour.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 20th
2019.


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora put tape worm and ring worm in Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s coffee to mark the evening of the Super Worm Moon.


The Super Worm Moon arises over Lilith’s pyramid at Astana Kazakhstan.

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Miss World India Manushi Chhillar, Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Renfield Hacks Istanbul Movie Theatre

August 11, 2018 at 9:14 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Miss World India Manushi Chhillar, Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Renfield Hacks Istanbul Movie Theatre

“I hear Donald Trump has actually done something you might agree with,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to British MP Renfield R. Renfield while in the process of eating a Mexican burrito 🌯.

“What’s that?” Renfield asked as he carved up several slices of turkey 🦃 for the sandwich he was eating.

“He’s pissed off Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan,” Amadeus watched Renfield slice through the turkey as if it was butter, “he’s doubled the tariffs on Turkish steel and aluminum over the Erdogan government’s treatment of American pastor Andrew Brunson.”

“Wow, Trump has done something right for a change. No doubt however this action will upset the namby pamby New York Times and Washington Post,” Renfield grabbed a fruit salad from the refrigerator.

“Erdogan said that Trump is “exchanging your strategic partner in NATO for a priest” , “ Amadeus noted while eating some Brussels sprouts sprinkled with Holy Water.

“What a total moron,” Renfield ate a nut 🥜, “doesn’t he know that there are no priests in American Evangelical Protestant denominations?”.

“I guess Erdogan wrote an article in the New York Times,” Amadeus watched Renfield devour both the carved turkey and the fruit salad, “in which he said that unless the U.S. changed course, Turkey 🇹🇷 would look for new friends and allies elsewhere.”

“Oh gosh,” Renfield remarked sarcastically, “I’m really going to shed tears if Erdogan controlled Turkey leaves NATO,” and promptly decided not to peel an onion to put in his Borscht soup.

. . .

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was as pleased as punch.

Even though as a fanatically devout Muslim, he didn’t drink.

Some months ago, Erdogan had heard about a film biography of Pope Francis being released worldwide in movie theatres.

Erdogan immediately decided that what was good enough for the non-Catholic Pope was definitely good enough for him the future Global Islamic Caliph and future Sultan of the Revived Ottoman Empire.

So he hired a Turkish filmmaker to make a film biography about him.

After eating a dish of Conceited Pie 🥧 (a new recipe concocted by a Washington DC chef inspired by the Donald Trump Presidency) at an Istanbul restaurant, Erdogan then walked to the Istanbul movie theatre where the world premiere of his film biography was being shown.

The other guests invited to the film premiere were all members of the Turkish Justice and Development Party’s Association of Ottoman Prison Guards.

Erdogan received a standing ovation from the all male crowd of prison guards.

After shouting in unison, “Hail Erdogan” and then standing for the Turkish National Anthem, they sat down to enjoy the film.

Unbeknownst to them, British MP Renfield R. Renfield had found out about the premiere of the film and had hacked into the movie theatre computerized projector 📽 and had substituted for the Erdogan film biography a videotaped hour and a half lecture delivered by Miss World India 🇮🇳 Manushi Chhillar (a medical student) on the varying degrees of menstrual hygiene around the world.

For some reason, the substituted film did not go over well with either Mr. Erdogan or the Ottoman Turkish prison guards.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 11th
2018.

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