Ghost of Orson Welles Meets Belvedere In Istanbul

May 6, 2019 at 9:40 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The ghost of Orson Welles was sitting in a cafe in Istanbul.

He had been told by a Russian spy beluga whale whom he had helped to defect to Norway this past weekend that the lovely mermaid Miranda when swimming through the Bosphorus Strait would often shapeshift into full human form and visit the Marmara Cafe in downtown Istanbul of which she loved the Turkish coffee being served there.

Welles could never recall meeting an actual mermaid in his past mortal life or current ghostly life so he decided to come to Istanbul and visit the Marmara Cafe on the off chance that he might meet Miranda.

Welles sat at a back table in the corner of the cafe and sipped a glass of spectral red wine occasionally glancing at the entrance to see if any woman who might be a mermaid in full human form came walking through the door.

He recited William Butler Yeats’ Sailing To Byzantium as he sat,

“… And therefore have I sailed the seas and come
To the holy city of Byzantium. ”

“Orson!” A voice shouted from the doorway.

It was the voice of Belvedere the ghost of a ghost white salamander.

Belvedere had been human but back in the mid-1880s in the American Wild West had been turned into a ghost white salamander through an ancient Egyptian spell cast by a gypsy woman who worked in the Wild West saloon where he worked as a bartender.

He became the ghost of a ghost white salamander when he crawled outside and was run over by a settlers’ ox cart heading west.

The first and last time Belvedere saw Welles was back in October 1938 just prior to the then Boy Wonder delivering his famous Halloween War of The Worlds broadcast.

“Belvedere,” the ghost of Orson Welles lit a spectral cigar, “Long time no see.”

“I see we’re both ghosts now,” Belvedere sat across from the spectral cinematic talent.

“Such are the ravages of time,” Welles blew rosebud shaped smoke rings, “unless we be vampires, vampiresses, gods, goddesses or immortal dominatrixes who have eaten just the right amount of Lingzhi supernatural mushrooms, we must all succumb to the hands of the scythe wielding spectre Death there to see our flesh melt and our bones turned to dust and our spirits wandering earth, purgatory or paradise until such time as our bodies and souls are reunited into a new transformed whole on the Day of Judgment.”

“Eloquent as ever, my friend,” Belvedere was impressed.

“So, what are you doing these days?” Welles sipped his wine, “What brings you to Istanbul?”.

“I am now a reporter for The Times of London,” the ghost white salamander answered, “I’m here on assignment. Turkey’s chief electoral body has ordered that Istanbul’s local elections be re-held after President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Islamist AK Party lost to the opposition secularist CHP Party after a shock opposition victory this past March.”

“It is indeed a hatchet in the cake of dictatorship when the trappings of democracy come crashing down just as the cake is being wheeled into the banquet hall where Ottoman Sultans once dined and harem girls once danced,” Welles helped himself to spectral caviar and spread it on a spectral slice of bread.

“Erdogan is indeed upset about the whole thing,” Belvedere agreed, “He himself used to be Mayor of Istanbul many years ago.”

“Such is the power of the spirit of Byzantium,” Welles drank a toast, “that this city can survive the misrule of a petty despot such as Erdogan.”

“Istanbul’s new CHP Mayor Ekrem Imamoglu is confident that he can win again in the re-held election,” Belvedere remarked.

“Beware the sting of scorpions and the fangs of serpents,” Welles’ baritone voice shook the cafe, “for my friends who still fast in the fires of Purgatory inform me that Lady MacBeth’s ghost serves as an advisor to Erdogan.”

“Great Scot! And great Caesar’s ghost!” Belvedere’s ghostly white face turned even more ghostly white, “Lady MacBeth!”.

“Never was a Film Noir Femme Fatale more femme fatalish than Lady MacBeth as the Bard so adeptly captured her personality, soul and spirit in his Scottish Play,” Welles raised his finger in the air to capture the direction the Mid-East winds were blowing, “for she serves not only as advisor to Erdogan but advisor to Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman as well. Tantalizing both claimants to a future Caliphate. Playing one side against the other. Stringing both together as if playing on a harp whose strings are made of human sinews.”

Belvedere decided to change to a cheerier subject.

“Have you ever watched Game of Thrones?” Belvedere asked.

“I have never watched an episode in full,” Welles confessed, “I have watched segments of certain programs on YouTube.”

“What do you think?” Belvedere inquired.

“What do I think?” Welles lit another spectral cigar, inhaled and then exhaled smoke rings like dragons, “I think Game of Thrones captures what the world of Medieval Europe would have been like if there had been no figure of Christ at the center of the culture of Medieval Europe.”

“Really?” Belvedere pondered this thought.

“In such a Medieval Europe,” Welles took the final sip of what remained of his glass, “Every ruler would be able to say… we are all Lady MacBeth.”

As a woman in another corner of the cafe claimed to have just given birth to dragons, the ghost of Lady MacBeth entered the cafe’s entrance still carrying stains of blood on her spectral formerly mortal hands.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 6th 2019
Orson Welles’ 104th
birthday.

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Ghost of Orson Welles Recites Poetry While Waiting On Shore For Russian Spy Beluga Whale Defector

May 4, 2019 at 10:14 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Poetry, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The ghost of Orson Welles stood on the Norwegian shoreline waiting for a Russian spy beluga whale to defect to the Norwegian government.

Standing alongside Welles was the Norwegian defense minister who was busy eating a can of Hertfordshire frozen peas and a can of Norwegian frozen cod.

As Welles sipped a glass of spectral red wine, he recited poetry:

On a sultry Arabian night, fair Scheherazade began the first of her 1001 tales
Whilst here I stand on this Norse shore and wait for a sign or spash from one of the beluga whales
Julian Assange meanwhile is in a British jail
releasing Hillary’s emails may prove a major fail
Does he have a cell mate who’ll sodomize him in the ass?
While Joe Biden laughs, this too shall come to pass?

Today Turkey’s President tweeted another verbal attack against Israel
Because Erdogan thinks he can an Ottoman sultan’s slippers fill
This past week a group of Catholic scholars charged Pope Francis with heresy
Had Francis lived in Christ’s time, would he have been the chief Pharisee?

Another coup attempt in Venezuela
ear marked of CIA hubris-philia
John Bolton and Mike Pompeo continue to beat the drums of war
Whilst Xi and Putin may boot the U.S. through Hades’ door
Are these the times foreseen by William Butler Yeats?
Is humanity’s thread to be cut by the deadliest of the Fates?

Yeats wrote in his poem The Second Coming
in his mind hearing distant war’s drums drumming
The best lack all conviction while the worst are full of passionate intensity.
Today it’s all pride and prejudice, little sense and sensibility.

No Sunday Masses being said in Sri Lanka
Because of Islamic State fanatica
Violence eats innocence with each passing hour
Statesmen are concerned not with truth but with power
And the foot of the god Ares has crushed many a flower

And now I wait for the sight of beluga whale
Humanity’s passing grade is F for a fail
Is dust in the wind all we shall be at the end of the day
As I watch the salt water splash on these shores of Norway?

-A poem written by Christopher
and recited by the ghost
of Orson Welles
Saturday May 4th
2019.


My childhood cinematic hero the great actor, director and writer
Orson Welles
in a poetic, poignant and powerfully compelling scene
from his movie F Is For Fake.

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Renfield Discusses Despot Erdogan

March 20, 2019 at 8:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

It was March 20th 2019.

The spring equinox in the northern hemisphere had arrived.

And it was the evening of the Super Worm Moon.

And the Byzantine vampiress Theodora had put something in Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s Turkish coffee that would give the Islamist despot and would-be Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire an extremely bad case of ring worm and tape worms the next morning.

Meanwhile in London, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was discussing Erdogan’s latest actions with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

“Erdogan is trying to show the world that he’s the Donald Trump of Turkey,” Renfield commented, “while Facebook and Instagram have been removing all traces of the Australian white supremacist terrorist’s footage of the Christchurch mosque mass shootings, the asshole Erdogan has been showing the footage at at least eight election rallies to whip up anti-western sentiment in Turkey and help his Islamist party win local elections.”

“Will it work?” Amadeus asked.

“Time will tell,” said Renfield, “the thing that some fanatical piece of garbage does on one side of the world (in this case New Zealand) always inspires some fanatical piece of sewer filth on the other side of the world (in this case, Erdogan in Turkey) to take advantage of it.
Just like when some militant Islamist terrorist group commits an atrocity, Trump will shoot off some idiotic tweet about “we need to build a wall.” #HittingMyHeadConstantlyAgainstABrick.”

Angelique Dumont commented, “I noticed at a rally commemorating the 1915 defeat of British, Australian and New Zealander forces by Ottoman troops at Gallipoli that was held this week in Turkey, Erdogan commented, “Your grandparents came here and returned in coffins. Have no doubt we will send you back like your grandfathers” in a direct address to the people of Australia and New Zealand which shocked both the Australian and New Zealand governments.”

“I see no one has bothered to point out to the bozo that while the Ottoman Empire won at Gallipoli, they went on to lose the First World War,” Renfield commented as he ate his roast turkey sandwich.

“Despots only celebrate their victories, never their defeats,” Angelique noted.

“That’s very true,” Renfield nodded.

“So who’s going to stop Erdogan from rebuilding the Ottoman Empire?” Amadeus asked.

The ghost of Sir Winston Churchill sitting at the next table contemplated that question.

After all, he was the one who had planned the attack on Gallipoli.

Something which definitely turned out to be NOT his finest hour.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 20th
2019.


The Byzantine vampiress Theodora put tape worm and ring worm in Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s coffee to mark the evening of the Super Worm Moon.


The Super Worm Moon arises over Lilith’s pyramid at Astana Kazakhstan.

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Miss World India Manushi Chhillar, Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Renfield Hacks Istanbul Movie Theatre

August 11, 2018 at 9:14 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Miss World India Manushi Chhillar, Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Renfield Hacks Istanbul Movie Theatre

“I hear Donald Trump has actually done something you might agree with,” Amadeus Emanon remarked to British MP Renfield R. Renfield while in the process of eating a Mexican burrito 🌯.

“What’s that?” Renfield asked as he carved up several slices of turkey 🦃 for the sandwich he was eating.

“He’s pissed off Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan,” Amadeus watched Renfield slice through the turkey as if it was butter, “he’s doubled the tariffs on Turkish steel and aluminum over the Erdogan government’s treatment of American pastor Andrew Brunson.”

“Wow, Trump has done something right for a change. No doubt however this action will upset the namby pamby New York Times and Washington Post,” Renfield grabbed a fruit salad from the refrigerator.

“Erdogan said that Trump is “exchanging your strategic partner in NATO for a priest” , “ Amadeus noted while eating some Brussels sprouts sprinkled with Holy Water.

“What a total moron,” Renfield ate a nut 🥜, “doesn’t he know that there are no priests in American Evangelical Protestant denominations?”.

“I guess Erdogan wrote an article in the New York Times,” Amadeus watched Renfield devour both the carved turkey and the fruit salad, “in which he said that unless the U.S. changed course, Turkey 🇹🇷 would look for new friends and allies elsewhere.”

“Oh gosh,” Renfield remarked sarcastically, “I’m really going to shed tears if Erdogan controlled Turkey leaves NATO,” and promptly decided not to peel an onion to put in his Borscht soup.

. . .

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan was as pleased as punch.

Even though as a fanatically devout Muslim, he didn’t drink.

Some months ago, Erdogan had heard about a film biography of Pope Francis being released worldwide in movie theatres.

Erdogan immediately decided that what was good enough for the non-Catholic Pope was definitely good enough for him the future Global Islamic Caliph and future Sultan of the Revived Ottoman Empire.

So he hired a Turkish filmmaker to make a film biography about him.

After eating a dish of Conceited Pie 🥧 (a new recipe concocted by a Washington DC chef inspired by the Donald Trump Presidency) at an Istanbul restaurant, Erdogan then walked to the Istanbul movie theatre where the world premiere of his film biography was being shown.

The other guests invited to the film premiere were all members of the Turkish Justice and Development Party’s Association of Ottoman Prison Guards.

Erdogan received a standing ovation from the all male crowd of prison guards.

After shouting in unison, “Hail Erdogan” and then standing for the Turkish National Anthem, they sat down to enjoy the film.

Unbeknownst to them, British MP Renfield R. Renfield had found out about the premiere of the film and had hacked into the movie theatre computerized projector 📽 and had substituted for the Erdogan film biography a videotaped hour and a half lecture delivered by Miss World India 🇮🇳 Manushi Chhillar (a medical student) on the varying degrees of menstrual hygiene around the world.

For some reason, the substituted film did not go over well with either Mr. Erdogan or the Ottoman Turkish prison guards.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday August 11th
2018.

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Miranda- Mermaid Turned Human

June 25, 2018 at 10:25 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Miranda- Mermaid Turned Human

The Controller of The Golem was deep in thought.

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had won both yesterday’s Presidential and Parliamentary elections.

Now Erdogan would head an Executive Presidency with virtually no limits on his powers (much like Xi Jinping recently achieved in the People’s Republic of China 🇨🇳 and Donald Trump hoped that someday, His Divine Self willing, would be able to achieve in the United States of America 🇺🇸).

What this meant for the future was that someday the entire Middle East might be under the rule of a revived Ottoman Empire with Erdogan as the omnipotent Sultan of Constantinople and Caliph of the Global Islamic Caliphate.

“It doesn’t bode too well for Central and Eastern Europe either,” remarked Prince Vlad Dracula of the situation where the nations of Central and Eastern Europe had been ruled by the Turks for centuries.

“If only General Belisarius were alive today to kick Erdogan’s ass,” the Byzantine vampiress Theodora remarked about her late husband Justinian’s general who reconquered much of the Western Roman Empire for Byzantine Constantinople.

“What will this portend for the future?” The Controller whose real first name was Nathan sighed.

The trio who were standing in a public park in Istanbul suddenly heard a soft feminine voice say, “It portends danger.”

The trio turned to look at the voice and this vision greeted them:

The Controller of The Golem recognized her as Miranda the mermaid.

Only now she had become human.

The reason being that Miranda had recently swum down the Thames River towards the Set Enterprises laboratory at Canary Wharf.

There she sang for Dr. Cadbury Rocher to come out to her.

Attracted by the lovely singing voice, Dr. Cadbury Rocher came out to see who it was.

Amadeus Emanon and Renfield R. Renfield followed.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster likewise crawled out of his aquarium and outside to see who the lovely siren was with the voice of a nightingale singing at Canary Wharf.

Miranda asked Dr. Rocher to invent for her a potion which when she drank it would turn her temporarily fully human.

Dr. Rocher went inside his laboratory and came back half an hour later with the potion.

Just in time to stop Miranda from strangling Renfield with her fish tail as the British MP was serenading her with his own paraphrased version of those old Crystal Gayle lyrics, “… when I dream, I dream of you, maybe someday my dreams will come true”.

Miranda drank the potion and turned human much to Renfield’s relief and much to Michelangelo’s disappointment (as he covered his lobster ears with his claws and telepathically hummed the song It’s A Long Way To Tipperary to drown out the sound of Renfield’s singing).

“What is happening, Miranda?” Nathan asked his mermaid turned human friend.

“Atargatis has landed on the beaches of Tel Aviv with her harpoon carrying mermaid warrioresses ready to launch an all out assault on the land of Israel 🇮🇱,” said Miranda.

Meanwhile on the beaches of Tel Aviv, the ghost of Orson Welles stood in the sand and directed a ghostly film crew of ghostly cameramen and ghostly technicians to film the invasion.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday June 25th
2018.

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Dracul and Draculina and Athena

June 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Draculina and Athena

After Dracul Van Helsing went to the TV studio where the Countess Draculina had been broadcasting, he let her know that her father Dracula was back from the dead and was now one of the living Undead again.

The old Transylvanian Count and Wallachian Prince had been in Syria fighting alongside the Kurds against invading Turkish forces.

Now he was wandering the streets of Istanbul along with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Mossad agent code named the Controller of The Golem.

They were campaigning for opposition political parties running against megalomaniac President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and his Islamist party which were intent on restoring the Ottoman Empire.

Both the Presidential and Parliamentary elections were being held tomorrow in Turkey.

Now on this Saturday night, the trio were taking a break from campaigning and were enjoying a dinner of lahmacun and drinking Turkish coffee in an Istanbul cafe while they watched a wrestling match going on outside in the street between Cerberus the 3 headed dog of The Underworld and the ghost of Saddam Hussein.

Saddam’s ghost lost.

His ghostly arms and legs had been bitten off by Cerberus’ 3 heads.

Cerberus belched 3 times- one for each head.

The 3 Furies (aka the Erinyes aka the Eumenides) showed up in leather skirted dominatrix outfits and driving a combination black hearse and ambulance.

They picked up the howling Saddam and his separated limbs and stuck them in the back of the hearse/ambulance and headed back to the Underworld of Hades.

“You don’t see that everyday,” Dracula remarked to Theodora and the Controller of the Golem.

Coincidentally Draculina said the same thing to Dracul Van Helsing as she orgasmed for the umpteenth time as the vampire hunter gave her a lesson in tantric sex from the Kama Sutra.

Dracul and the vampiress weather forecaster were back in Dracul’s room in the old Carpathian Mountain inn.

A horse and carriage then showed up at the inn to drive Draculina to Bucharest Airport where she’d catch the evening flight from Bucharest to Istanbul.

“I’ve been to Istanbul before you know,” Draculina remarked as she put her dress back on, “my mother was Turkish you know.”

“I didn’t know that,” Dracul adjusted his tie, “so your father was a Wallachian Prince who’s best known in history for impaling Turks and yet your mother was Turkish.”

“Yes but he impaled her with flesh and not wood,” Draculina put on her pantyhose, “and that instrument gave her pleasure unlike the stakes my father used on the Turkish warriors.”

“I understand the same could not be said for Isis and Osiris on the night they conjugally conceived Horus since Isis couldn’t find Osiris’ phallus after Set had cut him up into 14 pieces and so they were forced to use a phallus made of wood,” Dracul reflected aloud.

“Ouch,” Draculina winced.

“No wonder they’re always showing the Eye of Horus everywhere,” Dracul noted, “what is mistaken for Illuminati symbolism is actually the Egyptian deity advertising for a good ophthalmologist somewhere who can actually get the splinters out of his eye.”

Meanwhile in Damascus, Syria, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad received a phone call on his Hermes Trismegistus smart phone.

“Yes, I did study ophthalmology in London,” Bashar replied to the caller’s question.

“Splinters eh?” Bashar took notes.

In another one of the palace rooms, the head of the Syrian Orthodox Church was chanting the Gospel passage of the day for a small group of Christians who worked in the palace – “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)

“How’s your name spelled?” Bashar asked, “Horus? Would that be like the Egyptian god? It would. Well if you can drop around the palace tomorrow…”

After the coach and horse had picked up Draculina, Dracul went for a walk in the woods near the Inn.

There he came across the Greek goddess Athena looking pensive.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday June 23rd
2018.

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The U.S. Embassy Opens In Jerusalem On Israel’s 70th Anniversary As A Nation

May 14, 2018 at 11:55 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Egyptian vampiress Isis arriving at the opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem:

The U. S. Embassy Opens In Jerusalem On Israel’s 70th Anniversary As A Modern Nation

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu got a huge erection when he saw her.

The Egyptian vampiress Isis arriving at the opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem.

Coincidentally at the same time as he called U.S. President Donald Trump the “reincarnation of the Persian king Cyrus.”

In Rome, Pope Francis (who didn’t have an erection as he watched the ceremony on television) retrieved the Handbook of Catholic Christian Dogma from his garbage can (where he had placed it since his election to the Papacy) as he couldn’t remember whether the Catholic Church believed in reincarnation or not.

If it did, it could be a dogma he could deny at some future date.

U. S. President Donald Trump (when he began his address via television) likewise got an erection when he saw Isis arrive at the U.S. Embassy Jerusalem opening on his television monitor.

“At this very moment, you have absolutely no idea how much I want to be there in person…” Trump began.

Rudy Giuliani was meanwhile thinking of a prophecy about storms in the (cheque) Book of Daniels.

Several Hamas operatives smashed their motor vehicles into one another (killing each other in the process) upon seeing Isis (the nice knockers in a see-through dress vampiress not the terrorist group) arrive at the Embassy opening.

The famous London art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest who was a personal friend of Ivanka Trump was also there along with his living dead manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie.

Even though Dashwood Forrest was gay, he too was overcome with an erection upon seeing the sensuously beautiful young looking vampiress Isis.

I hope my boyfriend isn’t watching this at home, Forrest thought to himself as the BBC World News camera panned in on him.

Katy Perry’s lyrics “I kissed a girl and I liked it…” kept running through his mind.

“I hereby declare the U. S. Embassy in Jerusalem officially open on this 14th day of May in the Year of Our Lord 2018- the 70th Anniversary of the birth of the modern State of Israel 🇮🇱,” Ivanka Trump pronounced as she unveiled the plaque next to the Embassy front door.

Both Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Pope Francis winced when she used the term Year of Our Lord.

Ivanka Trump went over and hugged Dashwood Forrest after the plaque unveiling as soon as she saw him.

“Well,” Ivanka laughed a little taken aback after hugging the Oscar Wilde admiring London art gallery owner, “is that a paintbrush 🖌 in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”.

She brushed off her white skirt.

“You’ve always had that effect on me, my dear,” Dashwood Forrest laughed.

“Suicide bomber,” Mulligan the Irish zombie shouted as soon as he saw him.

Mulligan landed on top of the Lebanese Hezbollah operative (who was wearing such dark sunglasses that he never noticed the extreme sunblock wearing vampiress Isis) just as he detonated the explosives.

As a result of Mulligan’s drunken heroic actions, the only ones injured in the explosion 💥 was the suicide bomber himself as well as Dashwood Forrest’s living dead Irish manservant who went totally to pieces as a result of the rescue.

Both Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Iran’s Supreme Leader the Ayatollah Ali Khameini cried in their beer 🍺 when they saw the death of the Hezbollah operative.

“I don’t think I’m quite dead yet,” the moving lips on the head of Mulligan the Irish zombie impersonated an Englishman believed to have succumbed to the bubonic plague in the movie Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

“Well,” Dashwood Forrest picked up one of Mulligan’s middle fingers, “this looks like a job for Dr. Cadbury Rocher.”

Meanwhile in London, Set Enterprises’ Dr. Cadbury Rocher put on his Superman costume as he headed out to a Costume Ball in London on a lovely May evening.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 14th
2018.

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Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

May 1, 2018 at 10:44 pm (Avatar Speaks, Culture, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Humour, International Intrigue, love, Movies, Music, music videos, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel, videos) (, , , , , , , , )

Dracul and Morgana, Renfield and Demi Lovato

The Welsh vampiress Morgana (British Member of Parliament for the constituency of Newbridge in Wales) was walking through Sherwood Forest in Nottinghamshire.

The reason being that she heard the Celtic horned stag god Cernunnos used Sherwood Forest for target 🎯 practice for his archery 🏹 skills firing his arrow and crossbow at deer 🦌 hunters and various animal poachers.

She had always wanted to meet this famous Celtic god.

Thanks to a special sunblock invented for her by Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher, she was now able to walk around in the daylight without being quite literally fried to a crisp.

Somewhat tired from walking, Morgana sat down on an old leaf 🍃 clustered tree stump:

https://pin.it/lloi6gtopglhcg

Dracul Van Helsing (also walking through the forest) spotted her and took note of what she was wearing.

“Hello, Morgana,” he smiled, “how are you?”.

“Dracul,” Morgana flashed him a warm smile and raised the hem of her already short skirt, “what are you doing here?”.

“I’m walking through Sherwood Forest contemplating that this was the spot where Robin Hood used to make out with Maid Marian,” Dracul stated.

Morgana lay back on the soft clustered leaves 🍃 and held out her arms to embrace Dracul, “And should I be your Marian to your Robin?”.

Dracul mounted her, “We’ll show Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland how it was done.”

As Dracul and Morgana made out in Sherwood Forest in an orgiastic celebration of May Day (known as the Festival of Beltane on the old Celtic calendar), a voyeuristically inclined photographer tried to take shots of the Welsh MP and the Canadian vampire hunter making out.

He found himself being shot himself- by an arrow fired from the crossbow of Cernunnos.

The voyeur paparazzi was killed instantly.

“I’ll probably be dying for a cigarette several hours from now,” Morgana moaned in ecstasy.

. . .

Donald Trump held his hand under his suit vest in Napoleonic fashion and remarked to his valet Lexington “I can’t believe there are some psychiatrists out there who are starting to question my sanity.”

“It definitely boggles the mind, sir,” Lexington admitted, “I know it certainly boggles mine.”

“On the positive side,” Trump took off all his clothes leaving on only a pair of leopard skin briefs and proceeding to swing on the branch of an artificial African jungle tree in the Oval Office, “South Korean President Moon Jae-in thinks I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize.”

“And are psychiatrists starting to question Moon Jae-in’s sanity?” Lexington asked.

“I don’t know,” Trump shrugged while still swinging, “And what about you, Lexington? Do YOU think I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize?”.

“Well, sir,” Lexington remarked, “Seeing as how you received the Stormy Daniels Piece Prize, perhaps it might be a good thing if you went after a more noble peace prize.”

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield was dreaming about singer Demi Lovato.

Before bedtime, he had watched the Demi Lovato and Luis Fonzi music video Echame La Culpa.

He had developed such a hard on after seeing Demi Lovato wearing a red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose that he had to massage his erection down with a sledge hammer.

Little did he realize that this action would save his life.

A group of Japanese ninja assassins who had been hired by Russian President Vladimir Putin and Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan to assassinate the thorn in their side troublesome British MP watched the spectacle outside Renfield’s bedroom window.

They were so taken aback 😮 by the sight of a man hitting his most sensitive private part that way that they turned and fled and quickly jumped over the high fence of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London estate.

Meanwhile Renfield’s blanket took on the shape of a pole tent ⛺️ as the MP dreamed of Demi Lovato wearing that red mini dress and black silk fishnet pantyhose.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday May 1st
2018.

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The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and The Neo-Nazi Billionaire

April 18, 2018 at 10:45 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec, Turkey’s Tyrant, Raúl Castro’s Successor and A Neo-Nazi Billionaire

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was on her way to meet Raúl Castro’s handpicked successor Miguel Díaz-Canel in the Cuban 🇨🇺 capital of Havana.

Pic of Qonzilqointec on her way to meet Cuba’s next President Miguel Díaz-Canel:

https://pin.it/gpw5o3ygkufczk

She was meeting with the new leader to see if he was going to become a total despot like Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro who was Hugo Chavez’s successor (she was already plotting Maduro’s overthrow with Dracul Van Helsing, British MP Renfield R. Renfield and the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill).

On her way to meet Díaz-Canel, she ran into her lover Dracul Van Helsing who was in Havana to monitor the suspicious activities of the Neo-Nazi billionaire Robur Pike.

(For more on the background of Robur Pike, please read:

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2016/10/08/nazi-scientist-eckhart-fromm-and-his-attempt-at-human-genetic-cloning/

https://draculvanhelsing.wordpress.com/2017/02/02/robur-the-conquerer-ii-in-havana/

)

When Dracul saw the sexy and sensual Aztec vampiress wearing her topless gold mini dress, he asked her how much of a hurry she was in to meet Miguel Díaz-Canel.

She adjusted her skirt and replied that she might have a few hours to spare.

So she went to Dracul’s hotel room and spent the next several hours making wild passionate love to him.

. . .

Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan had left an extremely nasty comment on British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Facebook page.

The comment was in retaliation for Renfield arranging the circumstances whereby the Celtic horned god Cernunnos was busy killing Turkish soldiers who were undertaking a genocidal campaign against the Kurds in the Afrin region of northwestern Syria 🇸🇾.

An hour later, Russian President Vladimir Putin likewise posted a nasty comment on Renfield’s Facebook page.

The remark was in retaliation for Cernunnos likewise killing Russian soldiers at a base in Syria.

“So,” Sir Winston Churchill’s ghost remarked as he chewed on the tip of his spectral cigar and sipped from his spectral glass of brandy, “I see the fascist despot Erdogan has brought forward the date of presidential and parliamentary elections in Turkey 🇹🇷 from November 2019 to this coming June 24th.”

“I guess considering the bad shape Turkey’s economy is in thanks to the fascist despot’s misrule and the defeat that Prince Vlad Dracula, Cernunnos, the Byzantine vampiress Theodora and the Israeli Controller of The Golem will soon inflict on Turkish forces in Syria, Erdogan figures he better call the election now so he can hurry up and pave the way to make himself Sultan of a revived Ottoman Empire,” Renfield remarked.

“I fear that’s very much the case,” Churchill frowned.

“If only I could find a way to convince Theresa May to start a campaign to get that bum kicked out of NATO,” Renfield rubbed his chin. 🤔

. . .

German Chancellor Angela Merkel was in her office when suddenly the ancient Egyptian frog 🐸 headed god Kek appeared to her.

“Sweet Jesus,” she said in language designed to offend any pagan deity, “did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like that Internet meme Pepe the Frog 🐸?”.

“So I’ve been told,” Kek’s tongue wrestled with Mrs. Merkel’s Venus fly trap office plant for control of a fly to eat.

“What are you doing here in Germany?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

“Well having spent several days visiting the fascists and Neo-Nazis in the alt-right movement in the U.S., I’m now visiting the fascists and neo-Nazis in the anti-immigrant and anti-foreigner AfD (Alternative fur Deutschland),” Kek smiled as he licked his lips after eating both the Venus fly trap and the fly.

“Germany will never succumb to Naziism again,” said Mrs. Merkel.

“There is a man called Robur Pike who says otherwise,” Kek belched with the sound and fury of an Egyptian god of chaos.

“Who’s Robur Pike?” Mrs. Merkel asked.

Kek laughed and laughed until he had an amphibian bowel movement of massive proportions.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 18th
2018.

Permalink 37 Comments

A Stag Party Like No Other

April 17, 2018 at 10:42 pm (Avatar Speaks, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

A Stag Party Like No Other

Russian soldiers at a base in Syria were nervous.

They had heard reports that a deer 🦌 stag of all things was massacring Turkish soldiers in the Afrin region of northwestern Syria by standing up on its hind legs and firing a rapidly moving crossbow with poisonous arrows at them.

The arrows would paralyze the soldiers and then take 24 hours for the poison to work to eventually kill them.

In the meantime, the soldiers would die a painfully agonizing death as the organs in their bodies gradually shut down.

The government of Recep Tayyip Erdogan in Ankara tried to keep the deaths secret from the Turkish public.

But someone had hacked into the Turkish television newsfeed and was reporting the deaths live to the Turkish people.

The news reports were read aloud by a talking robot 🤖 who called himself Hans.

The reports would begin with the robot singing (to the tune of an old 1950s Danny Kaye song), “I’m Hans Pagan Henderson… that’s me.”

After showing some speeded up video of Turkish soldiers dying a long lasting slow horrible agonizing death, film footage was then shown of the deer stag standing on its hind legs and shooting the soldiers with its rapidly firing cross bow.

As the footage of the stag and its cross bow was being shown, Hans the robot 🤖 sang (also to the tune of an old 1950s Danny Kaye song):

Wonderful, wonderful poisoned 🤢 arrow
fired by a beautiful stag
you hit your mark
sends a fiery spark ⚡️
through the body part
a fatal stinging dart 🎯
that sends one screaming “No more”
yet hours ‘til you reach death’s door.

No one was sure who it was that was hacking into the Turkish television feed.

Although there were suspicions.

After Hans’ news broadcasts, British MP Renfield R. Renfield was seen in an elegant armchair by a fireplace holding a glass of cognac and doing an introduction to a TV series he called Forgotten Disney Animated Cartoons.

“On tonight’s episode,” Renfield smiled, “Bambi’s father (killed in an automobile accident) comes back from the dead. The name of the cartoon: Bambi II- Thumper Recites The Necronomicon Resurrection Invocation.”

The Russian base was on edge when a soldier turned on the TV and Thumper was seen reciting a weird invocation in a strange and sinister sounding language.

And then suddenly what sounded like an arrow hit the door of the barracks.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday April 17th
2018.

Permalink 25 Comments

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