Netanyahu, Bin Salman and A Tale of Two Pans

April 27, 2020 at 9:41 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Netanyahu, bin Salman and A Tale of Two Pans

Some foul mouthed teen girl bicyclist was riding down the street shooting her foul mouth illiterate mouth off, “I’ve got the whole world at my feet, motherfucker.”

Pan Goatee who was putting the garbage out promptly beheaded the foul mouth trash can sporting a bad hair style and commented before hand, “Two words of advice. Don’t talk to yourself in public or people might think you’re insane. And don’t suffer from delusions of grandeur.”

He kicked the motherfucking female cyclist’s head down the street where it was promptly eaten by rats.

. . .

U. S. President Donald Trump was talking to his butler and valet Athelstan, “Somebody tweeted me an article from the Nostradumbass Science Enquirer saying that if I were to launch nuclear weapons all over the planet, that would provide enough heat and radiation to kill the Wuhan Virus. What do you think, Athelstan?”.

“Don’t do it, sir,” Athelstan answered.

. . .

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman was talking to his allies in the United Arab Emirates about the genocidal campaign they had been carrying out against the Houthis in Yemen (with U.S. support) for the past several years.

“Why don’t they just roll over and play dead for real?” The Saudi Crown Prince was foaming at the mouth, “We’ve been cluster bombing them. We’ve been cutting off most of their food supply. But they won’t starve to death. We’ve been cutting off medical aid to them but they won’t succumb to Covid-19 or any other illness and die en masse. This is very inconsiderate of them. Why in the name of Allah the Merciful won’t they just die when we’ve spent hundreds of millions trying to exterminate them?”.

The U.A.E. representative had no answer for the bombastic Saudi Crown Prince.

. . .

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was talking to a Mossad agent named Star of Azazel.

“We are going to be annexing a whole bunch of territories in the West Bank over the next couple of months,” Netanyahu said between mouthfuls of kosher corn beef sandwich, “And the U.S. government says it will back us in this. I’m about to earn an everlasting legacy in Israel’s history. And in my humble opinion, I can say no Israeli politician is more deserving of this. I just hope I don’t come down with Covid-19 like Britain’s Boris Johnson did. That would put a damper on everything.”

. . .

Meanwhile in Saint Peter’s Basilica in Rome, the Greek nature god Pan and the demon Baphomet were taking the figure of Christ off a Crucifix and substituting in its place a figure of the Middle Eastern goat demon Azazel.

But since there were no public Masses being held in Italy these days, it would be a while before anyone would notice.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 27th
2020.

Permalink 10 Comments

A Demon Virus and The Resulting Fiery Winds of Change

April 17, 2020 at 10:35 pm (Culture, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

A Demon Virus and The Resulting Fiery Winds of Change 

The ghosts of Abraham Lincoln and Confederate General Robert E. Lee (once old enemies in their mortal lives) sat on the steps of the U. S. Capitol.

“And so it begins again,” Lee and Lincoln remarked sadly both at the same time.

In the Oval Office, Donald Trump was firing off Twitter tweets LIBERATE MINNESOTA, LIBERATE MICHIGAN and LIBERATE VIRGINIA with the same level of enthusiasm as the forces of Confederate General P.G.T. Beauregard fired on Fort Sumter on April 12th 1861.

Washington state’s Governor Jay Inslee accused Donald Trump of “fomenting domestic rebellion and spreading lies”.

The spectral ghostly figure of an 8 foot tall giant mammalian bat with the head of a Thanatotheristes (the name meant Reaper of Death in Greek and referred to a new species of T-Rex that had been discovered in the Western Canadian province of Alberta in 2010) who was the demon of the Covid-19 Coronavirus strolled down the streets of Washington DC.

Remarked Lincoln with more than a hint of that melancholy that had affected him his entire mortal life, “What God and my earthly work has joined together, a virus will now put asunder.”

. . .

“So you think a 2nd American Civil War is coming?” Amadeus Emanon asked his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield via Skype.

“It looks like it,” said Renfield, “and the lines this time around will be blurry and not distinct. In the original civil war you could tell who was who by the uniform they were wearing – blue or grey – and the flag they were flying – Union or Confederate. They say sickness can sometimes be the final straw that ends family relationships. And now a pandemic will end a national relationship. The political and ideological divide among Americans has been growing for decades and particularly accelerated in the last decade. This pandemic is just finally pushing that divide over the edge and beyond the point of no return.”

“So, what is basically going on?” Amadeus ate a potato chip.

“You’ve got Donald Trump who thinks of himself more as a Caesar and a Roman Emperor than a President. You’ve got a whole bunch of Democratic Party state governors who are Menshevik or Antonio Gramscian cultural Marxists at their best or outright Bolsheviks at their worst. Many of them have been taking extra draconian measures in this pandemic particularly when it comes to persecuting people for their religious beliefs. One California county is even telling churches they’re not allowed to sing on their livestream services after they had already shut down their public worship services. A lot of U.S. Democrats show the same hostility towards belief in God as the old USSR did in days of old and as Xi Jinping’s Communist China does today. So a lot of Americans are fed up and have taken to the streets in protest. Trump as the new American Julius Caesar (who is not as intelligent as the old Roman Julius Caesar) is hoping to use his popularity with the plebs against the old elites (which was the same with the original Big Julius) to smash the Menshiviks and the Bolsheviks and make himself Emperor – something the original Big Julius failed to do and it was left to his nephew and adopted son Octavius to become Emperor as Caesar Augustus.”

“This whole thing could become quite the cataclysmic event then,” Amadeus noted.

“And the only real winner would be the current regime in Beijing,” Renfield reached for his home delivery Chinese food order that sat on plates in front of him.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher 
Friday April 17th
2020

Permalink 6 Comments

Sanhedrin Say Performing Passover Sacrifice Can End Covid-19 Pandemic

April 6, 2020 at 10:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, magic, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

Sanhedrin Say Performing Passover Sacrifice Can End Covid-19 Pandemic

At a press conference today dealing with how the New Zealand government is battling the Coronavirus pandemic, New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern announced that she had declared both “the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny are essential workers” and that the children of New Zealand should not be worried that the pair are at all affected by the pandemic.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, watching the New Zealand Prime Minister’s press conference on television, remarked, “Jacinda must have finally smoked that complimentary piece of legalized Canadian cannabis that I sent her.”

. . .

Barbados Prime Minister Mia Mottely was forced to announce that 20 ventilators destined for Barbados as part of an act of philanthropy pledged by Barbados born international pop star Rihanna were seized by the United States.

Shortly after Prime Minister Mottely’s announcement, U.S. President Donald Trump was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office when he was suddenly hit with a cream pie thrown in his face by an invisible entity.

“What’s with all these cream pies in the face lately?” Trump cried out, “And to top it off, it was laced with Mexican tacos and salsa sauce and guacamole cream. I hate anything Mexican.”

Trump then had Corona beer poured all over him by the same invisible entity.

“Now I’ve been hit by Corona,” Trump cried out.

Men wearing hazmat suits then entered the Oval Office and carried Trump off to a place where he could be quarantined.

. . .

Rihanna was social distancing at a closed astronomical observatory and livestreaming on line.

It was nighttime and as she sang, “Shine bright like a diamond… We’re like diamonds in the sky”, a 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit holding a magic lantern film projector (that had been worked on by Houdini, Pantages, Nikola Tesla, Orson Welles and Hedy Lamarr) making him visible to people without them needing to drink Harvey Wallbangers, appeared peering through the glass at the top of the open air telescope and waved at the livestream viewing audience.

. . .

The Israeli Sanhedrin has petitioned both Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and U.S. President Donald Trump to allow the Passover Sacrifice to occur on the Temple Mount.

The Pesach sacrifice has not taken place on the Temple Mount in nearly 2000 years.

“The only thing preventing the Jewish people from performing the Passover sacrifice is the Israeli government,” Rabbi Hillel Weiss the spokesman for the Sanhedrin said.

Added Rabbi Weiss, “We are proposing bringing a temporary altar for one day to sacrifice one lamb for the entire Jewish nation.”

Dov Stein the Secretary to the Court of the Sanhedrin in Jerusalem Israel had written a letter to both Benjamin Netanyahu and Donald Trump asking for the ceremony to be performed.

Stein wrote in his letter to both men that if the sacrifice of the Passover lamb occurred in the spring feast beginning at sundown on Wednesday April 8th 2020 or Nisan 14th 5780 (Hebrew calendar), this would put an end to the Covid-19 pandemic that was currently a modern day plague on humanity.

. . .

Meanwhile in the intensive care unit of a U.S. Naval Hospital, Donald Trump was protesting that, unlike Britain’s Prime Minister Boris Johnson, he did not have the Coronavirus.

Meanwhile a creature who did not have a head but had the arms and torso of a man and had two slithering serpents for legs was running around the Donald’s bed.

The creature finally went under the bed and re-emerged with the head of a rooster that it then put on its human torso’s shoulders.

“You must forgive me for running around like a chicken with its head cut off,” the rooster headed creature apologized, “But that’s exactly what happened. Pan Goatee who had taken too many of the notorious Australian Uncle Ernie’s Chemicals of The Day thought I was an ugly looking woman and so cut my head off.”

“Who the Hell are you?” Trump asked.

“I’m the ancient Gnostic god Abraxas,” the creature replied, “And I want you to tell Netanyahu that he should allow the Sanhedrin to go ahead with its Passover Pascal lamb sacrifice this coming Wednesday.”

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Monday April 6th
2020.

Permalink 8 Comments

Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral

July 13, 2017 at 5:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, Science-Fiction, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Shiva Visits An Episcopalian Cathedral

Former MPs Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were on a trip to New York City together.

Both men had been defeated in their respective constituencies by candidates for the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party in the recent British general election.

Agathor Christie of the British Conservatives had been defeated in his rural English constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds by British Transhumanist Renfield R. Renfield (the former Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises).

And Magog Rhys Petley of the British Labour Party had been defeated in his rural Welsh constituency of Newbridge by Transhumanist Morgana Fay Lee (who some people claimed was a vampiress and the niece of the Arthurian era sorceress Morgan Le Fay).

Since both men had two things in common- 1) both being defeated by British Transhumanists and 2) Both having an utter loathing for British Prime Minister Theresa May for calling a snap general election, the two men decided to go on a trip together to drown their respective sorrows.

Britain’s Sun tabloid newspaper had reported on the trip with the headline ELECTORAL DEFEAT MAKES STRANGE BEDFELLOWS.

Today Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley were visiting the Episcopal Cathedral of Saint John The Divine in New York City which was the largest Anglican Cathedral in the world.

As they stood there looking up at the Rose Window, a strange looking fellow walked by.

“Say,” Magog nudged Agathor, “isn’t that the Hindu god Shiva?”.

“I believe it is,” Agathor put on his glasses and peered at the deity known as “The Destroyer” and “The Transformer” within the Hindu religion.

“What’s he doing in an Episcopal Cathedral?” Magog asked.

“Perhaps he’s becoming an Episcopalian,” Agathor replied.

“Shiva becoming an Episcopalian?” Magog was incredulous.

“Yes,” Agathor nodded.

“Gods don’t become Episcopalian,” retorted the atheistic Magog.

“They don’t become Catholic either,” Agathor reflected, “since Pope Francis says that there’s no Catholic god.”

. . .

Outside the CERN Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland, officials reported that the large statue of Shiva the Destroyer outside the Collider tunnel had come to life and disappeared.

. . .

Set Enterprises’ resident chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was reading an article on how a Harvard University scientific research team had used the Crispr genome editing tool to insert a gif (five frames of a horse galloping) into the DNA of bacteria.

The gif was the image of a human hand and 5 frames of the horse Annie G captured in the late 19th Century by British pioneer photographer Eadweard Muybridge.

“Wow, inserting an image into DNA to allow it to pass down through generations,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher hit his head, “why didn’t I think of that before?”.

Dr. Cadbury Rocher decided to try this for himself.

For his image, he used a 5 minute YouTube video clip of the meeting between Russian President Vladimir Putin and U.S. President Donald Trump at last week’s G-20 summit in Hamburg Germany.

The clip not shown on any of the Fake News networks across the world showed the demon Asmodeus standing immediately behind the sitting Putin and sitting Trump and playing on his harmonica the musical melody to Lara’s Theme from the movie Doctor Zhivago.

Being the genius that Dr. Cadbury Rocher was, he was able to, in 5 minutes, insert the YouTube video into the DNA of bacteria what it took 5 days for the Harvard research team to do on their 5 frame gif.

He then put the bacteria in a sealed test tube and left it in the lab.

The Norse trickster god Loki, who had been hiding under a desk seeing what Dr. Cadbury Rocher was up to, decided to take the sealed test tube of bacteria and immediately teleported himself to the Western Wall on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

When he landed, he knocked over a tourist the Nibiruan ET gray Gali-Gula who was standing there taking pictures with his advanced extraterrestrial camera around his neck.

Loki then placed the sealed test tube of bacteria into one of the cracks in the Western Wall where people normally place prayer notes.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday July 13th
2017.

Permalink 24 Comments