Reblog- Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec and The Roswell UFO Crash

July 8, 2018 at 10:18 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec in mourning for the victims of the Roswell crash

A vampire novel chapter I posted a year ago yesterday on the 70th Anniversary of the Roswell crash- a crash that UFO 🛸 enthusiasts believe was of an extraterrestrial 👽 spacecraft that contained the bodies of ET grays.

Dracul Van Helsing

Qonzilqointec On 70th Anniversary of Roswell UFO Crash

French UFO researcher Jacques Vallee was sipping cognac and reflecting on how it was 70 years ago today that a UFO flying saucer was said to have crashed on a ranch near the town of Roswell New Mexico.

Later the crashed vehicle was said to be just a downed weather balloon.

Although others had speculated that the crashed vehicle was a self-conscious self-aware Hoover vacuum cleaner that had a premonitory vision of the message implied in Richard Bach’s 1970s bestseller Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Vallee didn’t know what to think about the incident.

ET better phone the nearest American Automobile Association Auto Club, was that what happened ? Vallee wondered.

His housekeeper entered the room to tell Vallee about two phone calls for him.

Mikhail Gorbachev was on Line 1 and Pope Francis was on Line 2.

. . .

Canadian Prime Minister…

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ET Reptilians Threaten Revenge

December 19, 2017 at 8:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Radio, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

ET Reptilians Threaten Revenge

The 80-year-old Saskatchewan farmer Jonas Watson was once again rocking in his rocking chair.

When the old vintage 1934 antique St. Regis Gothic Cathedral Radio (that had belonged to his father) once again came to life and turned on by itself as it had last week when ETs had announced their arrival on this radio’s frequency.

This time an ET voice complained about how one of their reptilian comrades had been bitten and slain by a poison injecting fluffy little white earthling bunny rabbit.

The reptilian leader said that the brother of the slain reptilian had a message he’d like to give planet Earth.

The slain reptilian’s brother then spoke in a voice that sounded very much like that of Looney Tunes cartoon character Elmer Fudd, “I’m going to get that cwazy wabbit.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 19th
2017.

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Reptilian On The Temple Mount

December 16, 2017 at 9:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Reptilian On The Temple Mount

The Mossad agent they call the Controller of The Golem was in his Jerusalem office when one of his aides entered the office.

“Sir, minutes ago a UFO was spotted above the Temple Mount and now an ET has been seen walking around the Temple Mount,” said the aide.

“An ET?” The Controller ran his fingers through his hair, “Is it an ET gray?”.

“No, sir,” the aide shook his head, “It’s a reptilian.”

“A reptilian?” The Controller turned white, “Those are nasty motherfuckers.”

“Indeed, sir,” the aide agreed, “that’s why agents at the location have given it the code name Oedipus.”

“Tell them I’ll be there as soon as possible,” the Controller realized that his corned beef sandwich would have to wait.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday December 16th
2017.

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Gali-Gula The ET Gray: A Song: A Poem

August 15, 2016 at 12:46 pm (Fantasy, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, International Intrigue, Poetry, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

When it comes to UFO abductions, there’s a fellow who’s a real pain in the rear
His name is Gali-Gula and he grins from ear to ear
He’s Gali-Gula who everyone should meet
Happy Gali-Gula keeps his UFO looking neat

A debauched Roman Emperor
who wound up devoid of klemperor
he’s Gali-Gula who everyone should meet
Happy Gali-Gula keeps his UFO looking neat

He took a pee in the corner one night
drinking martinis before flying- not so bright
when Sherrielock Holmes saw him in the nude
and finding this rather rude
to say nothing of being crude
she tomatoed him black and blued

Now his buns are aglow like a laser beam
his galaxial reputation come apart at the seam

But he still smiles by the dawn’s early light
although his tomatoed buns be a frightful sight
he was still smiling when he fell over unconscious
his buns as red as those old Bolsheviks obnoxious

Sherrielock Holmes left him lying there
but stopped at the mirror to brush her hair
and then the leather skirted dominatrix vanished out of sight
with the ET gray’s buttocks still glowing bright
NASA and DARPA got there in the dead of night
by which time the ETs took Gali out of sight

-An erotic BDSM science-fiction poem
(a la Anne Rice as A,N. Roquelaure meets Ray Bradbury)
written by Christopher
Sunday August 14th 2016.

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Mount Hermon and The UFOs

November 3, 2015 at 8:21 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Mount Hermon and The UFOs

Yuri, a pilot in the Russian Air Force, was doing a reconnaissance mission over Mount Hermon on the border between Lebanon, Syria and the Israeli occupied Golan Heights.

Yuri radioed in to base.

“Central Command, have spotted a series of UFOs over Mount Hermon. Should I engage?” asked Yuri.

“Yuri, this is Central Command,” the voice on the radio answered, “please clarify what you mean by UFOs?”.

“Flying saucers,” Yuri replied, “what are called extraterrestrial spacecraft or ET vehicles in popular movies. Repeat question, should I engage?”.

“How many would you estimate are there?” The voice on the radio inquired.

“According to in-flight computer calculations of the blips on the radar, exactly 200,” Yuri answered, “repeat question, should I engage?”.

“Negative, Yuri,” the voice ordered, “Get to Hell out of there and get back to base.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 3rd
2015.

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Cardinal JM’s Synod Paper On Homophobic ET Deities

October 7, 2015 at 7:47 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, Theology, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Cardinal JM’s Synod Paper On Homophobic ET Deities

Cardinal JM a member of the College of Cardinals was in his office in the Vatican working on a paper he was going to present to the Synod of Bishops On Marriage and The Family currently underway in Rome.

Cardinal JM who taught a course on the astronomical theories of Giordano Bruno at one of the pontifical colleges in Rome secretly worshipped the Ancient Greek gods- in particular Zeus and Apollo.

His personal private secretary Father Oliver Thomas Wardenclyffe was a secret worshipper of Hecate the Ancient Greek goddess of witchcraft.

Father Wardenclyffe was out this evening getting a massage at a gay health spa in Rome.

The paper that the Cardinal would present at the synod would argue that Yahweh (the name for God in the Old Testament) wasn’t really the Supreme Creator of the Universe.

He was only an extraterrestrial astronaut and scientist who monkeyed with the DNA of apes to produce Homo sapiens.

The ancient Hebrew peoples mistakenly assumed that this ET scientist Yahweh was the Supreme Creator of the Universe when he wasn’t.

Thus since Yahweh was not the Creator, his outdated and homophobic notions on sexual morality could safely be ignored in today’s church, Cardinal JM argued.

The Cardinal looked over what he had written and smiled.

He put the paper in his desk and went out for a walk in the streets of Rome.

He looked up at the night sky that was dotted with multitudes of stars.

One of those stars seemed to hover directly over the Colosseum and then seemed to fly speedily away.

Cardinal JM lit a marijuana cigarette and inhaled in unClintoneseque fashion.

Hm, was that a UFO? The Cardinal wondered.

He continued to walk down the street and as he did so, he hummed to himself the lyrics of an old Carpenters song from the 1970s, “Calling occupants of interplanetary craft…”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 6th
2015.

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A Night At The Observatory

October 5, 2015 at 7:48 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Religion, Science, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

A Night At The Observatory

At the Palomar Astronomical Observatory in Southern California, astronomer Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum was looking through one of the telescopes.

He suddenly stopped in his tracks when he noticed something unusual flying through the heavens.

The object looked like images one saw of UFOs.

Yet the object was as clear as day (or at least as clear as this night was) .

There also seemed to be lights flashing on the UFO.

Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum, who had a background in U.S. Naval Intelligence, recognized the pattern in the flashing of the lights as a type of Morse code.

He quickly grabbed a pencil and paper and jotted down the message sent to him by the UFO in deep space.

When he had finished, the message read, ADONAI Was Not Who He Claimed To Be.

Adonai?

Dr. Balthasar Tannenbaum bit the eraser at the end of his pencil.

Wasn’t that one of the Hebrew names for God? he asked himself.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 4th
2015.

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Nero Wilson On The Arsenio Hall Show

May 30, 2014 at 6:18 pm (Entertainment, Music, News, Television, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Nero Wilson On The Arsenio Hall Show

Nero Wilson was getting a haircut in a Los Angeles barber shop so he’d look more like his hero the Roman Emperor Nero when he performed with his band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers on The Arsenio Hall Show tonight.

Nero Wilson’s cousin Charlie Wilson (whose band stage name was Bud Lou) the band’s electrical guitarist was standing in line in a Los Angeles gun store hoping to buy himself a gun.

The reason why Charlie Wilson was buying himself a gun was because Sekhmet the band’s female singer was going to wear an authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun inside her belt for the band’s appearance on The Arsenio Hall Show tonight.

So Charlie Wilson thought he’d wear a good old authentic American handgun inside his belt for their appearance.

The trouble was as Charlie Wilson was standing in line inside the gun store, he was complaining to everyone in line that here he was a rock ‘n roll musician and he was still a virgin.

As soon as the gun store owner heard that, he immediately denied Charlie Wilson permission to buy a gun when the electrical guitarist came up to the till because being a virgin, the man was obviously mentally ill.

The gun store owner didn’t want to be held responsible for another Elliot Rodger style incident like the recent Isla Vista killings at Santa Barbara.

Not that the gun store owner was concerned about loss of life (if he was concerned about loss of life, he wouldn’t be in this business). He was more worried about potential lawsuits from potential victims’ families for selling a gun to a mentally ill person… like a virgin (to quote a Madonna song title).

So Charlie Wilson left the store a dejected man.

He wasn’t able to get laid.

And he wasn’t able to get a gun.

Later Charlie Wilson’s younger brother Dave Wilson (whose band stage name was Abbott Costello) the band’s drummer arrived in the same gun store later to buy himself a gun.

If Sekhmet was going to wear an authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun in her belt during the performance on The Arsenio Hall Show, then he was going to wear an authentic American hand gun tied to a pony tail on his long heavy metal headbanger style hair.

As Dave Wilson stood in line inside the gun store, he boasted to everyone in line about his numerous sexual conquests as a drummer in a rock and roll band.

The gun store owner took note of Dave.

Nothing mentally ill about that guy he thought to himself.

In fact the man seemed to represent the personification of the apotheosis of the American (wet) Dream.

When Dave reached the till, the gun store owner sold him enough guns and ammunition to have lasted an entire division of the U.S. Army a whole year at the height of the Afghan War.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield sat at the back of the theatre during this night’s filming of The Arsenio Hall Show.

As soon as the show’s host Arsenio Hall introduced Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers and the band started playing, then Renfield R. Renfield the world’s first and only genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human would shapeshift into a hamster and run up on stage and crawl up Sekhmet’s lovely black silk nylon clad leg and then remove the authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun from her belt and then run off stage heading straight for the exit door.

Arsenio Hall spoke, “And now ladies and gentlemen… here they are… the band who’s currently playing at The Tropicana Nightclub in downtown Los Angeles… Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers…”

The audience started applauding as the band burst into a rendition of their hit song I’ll Give You The Moon If You Give Me The Finger In This Traffic Jam.

Nero Wilson was wearing a Roman toga around his body, leather sandals on his feet and a laurel wreath in his hair as he played the electric violin.

Charlie Wilson was wearing a t- shirt with Mr. Bean’s picture on it and some purple and gold plaid pants and some yellow sneakers as he played the electric guitar.

Sekhmet was wearing a fringe skirted lion’s skin mini dress, black silk pantyhose and gold spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes as she sang, “You better watch out ’cause I’m lifting my skirt. I’ll give you the moon if you give me the finger in this traffic jam…”

Around her waist she wore a belt with Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.

And of course inside her belt was tucked the authentic ET gray’s laser death ray gun.

Dave Wilson the drummer was wearing a black shirt, black pants and black shoes as he played the drums.

His long hair was tied in a pony tail.

Attached to the pony tail was a 44 Magnum.

Suddenly women in the audience started jumping up and down and screaming “Mouse! Mouse! There’s a mouse in the house!”.

A nerdy looking bookish type guy with glasses ( who had also been denied a gun permit that afternoon) said, “Actually, I think it’s a hamster.”

The hamster started crawling up one of Sekhmet’s sexy and shapely black silk nylon clad legs.

“Oh God, that feels good,” Sekhmet moaned.

Nero Wilson stopped playing the electric violin and turned to her saying, “I don’t recall those lyrics being in the song.”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Sekhmet shrieked ecstatically as she leaned backwards on to the floor and lifted her already short short skirt.

“Good Lord, she’s outgaga-ing Lady Gaga,” Arsenio Hall spewed Gatorade out of his mouth and all over one of the cameras as he spoke.

The hamster grabbed the ET gray’s laser death ray gun out of her Egyptian hieroglyph belt and then ran straight through her legs.

The gun went off.

But fortunately it was just on the Shock mode and not the Kill mode.

“The mother ship of all orgasms,” Sekhmet shouted in delight about the out-of-this-world experience she just had.

The hamster flashed the happiest hamster face of all time at the camera and then ran out of the theatre.

At that point, Charlie Wilson’s smart phone went off.

It was a text message coming in from the bully of his old high school graduating class back home in Cleveland, “What a loser you are, Charlie. There you are out on the West Coast in California and even a hamster is able to score before you do.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 30th
2014.

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Renfield Recalls Conversation With Sekhmet

May 28, 2014 at 4:20 pm (Entertainment, Music, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Recalls Conversation With Sekhmet

As Renfield swam in the hotel swimming pool, he recalled the conversation he had last Saturday night with Sekhmet the lead female singer for the band Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers after their on-stage performance at The Tropicana Nightclub.

During the performance he had looked around for any sign of the ET gray but couldn’t spot any.

After the show he went backstage and ended up talking to Sekhmet.

Renfield was still dressed in blackface having performed an impromptu Al Jolson minstrel show performance in a Chinese restaurant earlier that evening much to the horror of embattled Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling.

So Sekhmet naturally mistook him for an Afro-American and Renfield played along speaking in an American Deep South southern accent.

Renfield told her that his name was Merlin Houdini Johnson and that he was the shortest player on the entire Los Angeles Clippers basketball team.

Renfield said how much he enjoyed their performance and particularly her outfit.

Sekhmet said that she’d be wearing the same outfit when they performed on The Arsenio Hall Show a few days hence.

Renfield said that he really loved her fringe skirted lion mini dress and her belt with Egyptian hieroglyphs on it.

What would really give the finishing touches to her outfit, Renfield suggested, would be if she could get her hands on a genuine ET gray’s laser death ray gun and put it inside her belt while she sang.

The resulting fashion ensemble would be an out-of-this-world experience and would make the Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers performance on The Arsenio Hall Show the most talked about performance in television history ever since The Beatles first performed on The Ed Sullivan Show back in February 1964.

Sekhmet blew an eyelash when Renfield spoke these words.

As a matter of fact, Sekhmet said, as she adjusted her dress and her belt, she did know how to get her hands on a genuine ET gray’s laser death ray gun.

Splendid, splendid, Renfield temporarily reverted back to his British accent, then he’d look forward to seeing her on The Arsenio Hall Show.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 28th
2014.

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Renfield In Southern California

May 26, 2014 at 6:49 pm (Entertainment, Music, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield In Southern California

“A young woman’s buttocks are still stinging after a drive-by spanking that occurred at a street corner in West Hollywood last night…”

Renfield turned off the alarm clock radio in his hotel room.

Yes, he was definitely in Southern California all right.

Southern California would be the only place on Earth where such a news story would happen.

. . .

Renfield contacted an entertainment reporter he knew at KTLA Channel 5 News in Los Angeles for the scoop on Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers.

He had deduced from stories on the Internet that this band knew the whereabouts of the ET gray who crashed his UFO in the desert near Mesa, Arizona.

He learned they were playing at The Tropicana Nightclub in downtown Los Angeles.

Renfield would attend their concert tonight.

. . .

Renfield R. Renfield passed a shoe shine stand as he walked along the street.

That was interesting, Renfield thought to himself.

He had often seen shoe shine stands in old classic American movies from the ’30s, ’40s, ’50s and ’60s.

He didn’t know they still existed.

Renfield continued walking in what he presumed was the direction of The Tropicana Nightclub.

He happened to pass a Chinese restaurant where he noticed that embattled Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling was sitting and complaining in a loud voice, “Why are there so many Asians in this place?”.

This gave Renfield an idea.

He still had an hour to kill before the Nero Wilson and The Cleveland Cleavers concert at The Tropicana.

He returned to the shoe shine stand where he bought some black shoe polish from the shoe shine boy.

He then borrowed a compact mirror from a woman wearing a sexy Halloween nurse’s outfit who said her name was Akira and she was trying to find her way to West Hollywood.

Renfield replied in his British accent that he was a stranger in Los Angeles and had no idea where West Hollywood was located.

As Akira held the compact mirror for him, Renfield applied the black shoe polish to his face, neck, arms and hands.

He borrowed some rouge lipstick from her and made his lips much bigger.

He soon looked like a blackface Al Jolson about to perform in one of those minstrel shows from the 1920s.

He thanked Akira for the use of the red lipstick and the compact mirror and continued walking down the street.

He then went into the Chinese restaurant where Donald Sterling was sitting.

Upon entering the restaurant and helping himself to both a top hat and walking stick from the coat check, Renfield immediately burst into a rendition of that old Al Jolson song Mammy.

He sang (mixing up the lyrics of the two old Al Jolson songs Mammy and Swanee), “Mammy, how I love ya. How I love ya.”

He then went up to Donald Sterling and gave him a kiss on the lips.

As Renfield left the restaurant and continued down the street, he could hear the restaurant’s doorman shouting up and down the street, “Paging an ambulance for Mr. Sterling. Ambulance for Mr. Sterling.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday May 24th
2014.

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