Xi In Kazakhstan

September 14, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Hera was in Astana Kazakhstan today.
As was Pope Francis and Communist China’s supreme despot Xi Jinping.

Hera was visiting Astana today because she had heard that Zeus would be attending the Kazakhstani 7th InterFaith Congress.

Zeus was most definitely in Astana (the Kazakh capital currently suffers under the revolting name Nur-Sultan named after a Kazakhstani politician and former President Nursultan Nazarbayev).

(Editor’s Note from Renfield R. Renfield: Due to the efforts of a Calgary based geopolitical analyst and blogger who has been pointing out in his blog posts the past few days that the name Astana reflects good taste while the name Nur-Sultan reflects bad taste , the government of Kazakhstan announced earlier today that it would be changing the Kazakh capital’s name back to Astana).

Zeus was here to chase a beautiful Jordanian princess (a distant cousin of Jordan’s King Abdullah II) who was here in Astana attending the InterFaith Congress on behalf of the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan.

After cornering the Jordanian princess and asking her to come back to his palace on Mount Olympus where Zeus told her, “I’ll show you the way I ride my bulls”, the Jordanian princess shouted “Revenge for Ixion!” and kicked Zeus in the groin with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

As Zeus lay on the ground groaning over his groin, Hera came by and hit Zeus over the head with the world’s largest watermelon that had been sent to the InterFaith Congress as a gift from former U.S. President Barack Obama.

Zeus now lay unconscious in a pool of Neo-Bolshevik red coloured juice while the ghost of Josef Stalin and the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) sang that old Platters hit song “Oh yes I’m the Great Pretender…”

And speaking of pretenders and imposters, Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) had to google Who Was Jesus Christ? prior to giving a speech because the so-called Holy Father had forgotten who He was.

And also in Astana Kazakhstan on this day was Communist China’s paramount leader and all round despotic tyrant Xi Jinping.

Xi’s visit to Astana Kazakhstan on this day was his first trip outside Communist China ever since he had released bat virus from the Wuhan Institute of Virology and had begun the plandemic.

“Unholy bat virus, Batman,” a talking robin spoke as he flew down on top of Xi’s hair and crapped all over him.

An immediate search was underway to find some PH Unbalanced Shampoo to shampoo the robin crap out of Xi’s hair.

A bottle was found in The Homicidal Sasquatch Pub in downtown Astana.

Sitting in the pub was the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg who was talking to the Russian made cyborg sex robot Sophia.

Sophia had been invented by the former East German Stasi scientist Dr. Nicht Werhoffen (who now worked for the Russian FSB).

The cyborg sex robot Sophia had made out with Dracul Van Helsing on a roundtable in the Kazakh Palace of Religion in Astana in 2013.

An incident that was recorded in a geopolitical analyst’s blog post back in 2013 (although at that time the geopolitical analyst lived in Vancouver and not Calgary).

“You mean to say,” George Finneganburg quickly downed his beer, “that Dracul Van Helsing came up with a cyborg sex robot before I did? How the Hell am I going to break the news to Akira?”.

Once the robin crap had been washed out of Xi’s hair, he then met with Kazakh government officials.

After his Astana visit, Xi would be flying to the Russian capital of Moscow for a Kremlin summit meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in order to discuss the war in Ukraine.

As such, Xi had brought along his Supernatural spirit advisor the Black Dragon to Astana and the winged demon serpent covered in charcoal black would also be accompanying Xi to Moscow.

There the Black Dragon would be meeting with Putin’s supernatural advisor “Saint Michael the Archangel” (who was not really Saint Michael the Archangel but was really the demon Moloch posing as the Archangel Michael in an effort to fool the megalomaniacal would-be Deutero-Czar Peter the Great aka Putin).

Kwan Yin the immortal princess (venerated as the Goddess of Mercy in some sects of Buddhism) and her descendant the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan were keeping tags on Xi in Astana and would be following him to Moscow for his meeting with Putin.

Xi was now attending a state banquet in his honour with Kazakh government leaders in Astana.

Before Xi sat down at the banquet table, a small robotic Paddington Bear (called Paddy O’ Marmalade), who had been invented by Set Enterprises’ scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague, put a combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue down on Xi’s chair.

When Xi sat down, he got hopelessly stuck and couldn’t get up again.

As members of the Kazakh honour guard struggled to get Xi free from the chair that his pants were hopelessly glued to, the Paddington Bear robot named Paddy O’ Marmalade came and threw a Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg laced cream pie in his face.

The cream pie had been specially prepared and baked by Harvey Tallbanger the 6 foot 8 tall invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit who worked as a secret agent for Set Enterprises.

Between his butt stuck to the chair and his face covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie, Xi did not really look like a great leader.

It was at that moment that the ghost of Winston Churchill (representing the British government) presented Xi with a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt.

Of course Xi could not put it on because of his current predicament.

Just then a holographic image of British MP Renfield R. Renfield appeared and started to sing to the tune of the Beatles song Hey Jude:

“Hey Xi, don’t ask me why
Take a sad song and make it badder
Remember vaccines get under your skin
Changing your DNA
Until you become Transhuman, human, human, human, human,…”

Renfield was broadcasting from the living room of the Set Estate mansion in London, England.

In the background could be heard the sound of Amadeus Emanon opening the door to pick up the Chinese Food delivery they had ordered from a Chinese restaurant.

“Hey Amadeus,” Renfield piped up, “Ask the delivery guy how do you say “Xi Jinping, you are a total loser” in Chinese?”.

Amadeus asked.

And the Chinese Food delivery guy answered adding and ad libbing a few nasty pejoratives of his own.

Renfield spoke in perfect Mandarin (with some Cantonese thrown in for good measure) telling Xi that he was a total loser and throwing in the delivery guy’s added ad libbed nasty pejoratives of his own.

Xi was livid with rage although you couldn’t tell because his face was covered in Peking Duck and Thousand Year Old Egg cream pie while his bottom was still being pulled away from the butt locking combination of honey, marmalade and Crazy Glue on his chair.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 14th
2022.

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Athena In Kyiv

August 25, 2022 at 10:47 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Athena was in Kyiv the capital of Ukraine.

She was having a photograph in black and white taken of her by the ghost of Orson Welles.

Athena remarked, “Coloured photographs in Vogue Magazine are for the Zelenskys. I much prefer a black and white photograph taken by the great Orson Welles.”

Volodymyr Zelensky the President of Ukraine and his wife Olena had recently had coloured photographs of themselves taken by VOGUE Magazine and were featured as the main subjects in a recent issue of the magazine.

Including a photograph of them making out while wearing clothes.

Showing the world that Ukrainians did not always have to be in their birthday suits while making love.

At the moment that Athena was getting her photo taken by the ghost of Orson Welles, Russian President Vladimir Putin was in Moscow wearing a bear skin rug and making out with U.S. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who was undertaking a secret undercover mission on behalf of the senile Joe Biden Administration.

The bear skin rug that Putin was wearing had belonged to a Russian brown bear that had been killed by fallout shrapnel from the car bomb blast that had killed Darya Dugina the daughter of Russian ultra-nationalist philosopher Aleksandr Dugin.

Russia had accused a female Ukrainian operative of planting the bomb and fleeing to Estonia.

According to the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit, the bomb had been built by the Nazi vampire Dr. Eichmann Mengele who had headed the American CIA’s Science and Research Division since 1950.

Interestingly enough the Russian brown bear killed by the Dugin car bomb blast (whose body and fur had now been turned by the President of Russia into his own personal conjugal relations rug with AOC as the first lucky recipient of the furry embrace) had been possessed for a number of years by the ghost of Grigori Rasputin the Russian monk and mystic who had served as advisor and healer to the Imperial Russian Romanov Family of Czar Nicholas II.

Several years back Hades the Greek god of the Underworld had granted the ghost of Grigori Rasputin a dispensational release from the realm of Hades.

The mystic mad monk’s spirit then took possession of a Russian brown bear’s body and had been possessing it ever since.

That is until the date of the Dugin car bombing on Saturday August 20th 2022.

When the bear had been killed by fallout shrapnel from the car bombing.

The bear’s last recorded words were, “I never got to have tea and marmalade with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II like Paddington did.”

Vladimir Putin was now thinking of digging up Rasputin’s body at Tsarskoye Selo and after a heavy retouch at MacPherson’s Funeral Parlour in Moscow (Scottish undertakers and morticians were the best) have Rasputin’s ghost take possession of his original body.

Putin had sent Patriarch Kirill of Moscow to negotiate with the underworld god Hades on his behalf.

Patriarch Kirill had recently been called “Vladimir Putin’s altar boy” by George Soros’ altar boy Pope Francis.

As Vladimir Putin sat on the bear skin rug smoking a cigarette and singing “He’s got the whole world in his hands…”, AOC lay back on the bear skin rug with a look of total esctasy on her face.

She sighed, “I’ve never known a real man until now.”

Putin commented, “Well, you’ve got to stop hanging around with members of Joe Biden’s cabinet.”

Meanwhile in London, England, as the Greek goddess Athena was getting photographed in Kiev, the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill was complaining to British MP Renfield R. Renfield that the famous original December 1941 Yousuf Karsh taken photograph of Winston Churchill that had been hanging in the Chateau Laurier Hotel in Ottawa had been stolen and replaced with a copy about 8 months ago and hotel staff had only noticed now.

As Welles was finishing up the photo session, vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing walked into the room and started making out with the goddess Athena.

“Not again,” Welles sighed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday August 25th
2022.

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Renfield’s Podcast For May 9th 2022

May 9, 2022 at 10:18 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

In Russia, a Russian servicewoman marks Victory Day in Moscow in which the victory by Russia and the other Soviet states during the Great Patriotic War (as World War II in Russia is called) against Hitler is celebrated

It was Monday May 9th 2022.

Russia was marking Victory Day in the Great Patriotic War.

Putin said the war (or as he called it “special military operation”) was caused by NATO expansion.

Pope Francis made a statement last week agreeing with him.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield went on to the next item in his podcast.

Said Renfield, “Even though there’s a war going on, Canada’s Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau yesterday took his Nazi/Communist hybrid hag henchwoman Chrystia Freeland and his foreign minister Melanie Joly to Kyiv Ukraine to attend a U2 concert held in the city’s subway.”

As the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit projected a scene on to the Kiev subway wall behind Bono and The Edge showing a scene from a zombie movie in which living dead zombies were busy looking for brains, Bono sang, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…”

And Jill Biden gave roses to Ukraine’s First Lady for Mother’s Day.

Said Renfield, “With all these heads of government and rock stars visiting Kyiv, the Ukrainian city is rapidly turning into the new Davos Switzerland (home of the World Economic Forum).”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 9th
2022.

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Merlin In Ukraine

March 15, 2022 at 9:19 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Celtic wizard Merlin appeared in Ukraine tonight along with a few animal acquaintances

“Isn’t that Merlin the magician?” Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun asked his fighting companion Leonard Constantinople the fighting rabbit.

Constantinople had been brought in to fight the 450 al-Qaeda fighters who had been allowed to cross Recep Tayyip Edrogan’s Turkey (at the request of the insane Biden Administration) to come to Ukraine to fight on behalf of Ukraine.

And as further proof of the Biden Administration’s insanity, Biden was allowing Vladimir Putin’s Russia to act as chief negotiator in its proposed nuclear deal with Iran.

The cherry on the cake as far as the Biden Administration’s insanity went was Biden’s Climate Change envoy John Kerry was now asking a private think tank to examine the question of how much, if any, effect a “limited” nuclear war with Russia would have on the environment and climate change.

The world was about to end not with a bang but with a badly written screenplay.

“It is,” Constantinople answered in regard to Yaldabaoth’s question.

Yaldabaoth then received a text message that children in China who had received the Xi Jinping approved China made Covid “vaccine” (really a genetic serum) were now being diagnosed with leukemia.

The Chinese Health Ministry in Beijing issued a statement that the fact Chinese children who received the “vaccine” were now being diagnosed with leukemia was just a huge coincidence and that to say otherwise would result in being sent to re-education camps “where you would be re-educated alongside Uighurs” and also “partake in making voluntary products for Wal-Mart”.

In other news Andreas Schofbek the CEO of the large German health insurance company BKK/Pro-Vita was fired last month after he released data suggesting German health authorities are significantly underreporting German vaccine related injuries.

The data was scrubbed from the Internet.

The globalist Communists in charge of the Great Reset were letting nobody stand in their way.

And that included Vladimir Putin the proposed new Czar of a revived 19th Century Imperial Russian Empire.

“Who are those animals with Merlin?” Yaldabaoth asked.

“Well the bear is possessed by Rasputin,” Constantinople answered, “the black wolf is possessed by the Holy Roman Emperor Frederick Barbarossa and the deer is Bambi.”

“Bambi?’ Yaldabaoth was incredulous.

“Yes, Bambi’s mother was shot by Vladimir Putin when he was out deer hunting,” Constantinople explained, “80 years ago, 32nd degree Freemason and practicing sorcerer Walt Disney was caught in a time warp brought about by a CERN Large Hadron Collidor experiment. He wound up in Russia last month where he saw Bambi’s mother shot by Vladimir Putin. He incorporated the scene in his film to serve as further western world anti-Putin propaganda when the time was right.”

“Bambi’s mother was shot,” Yaldabaoth broke into tears when he recalled the scene.

-A vampire novel chapter
written Tuesday March 15th
2022.

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The Ghost of Prince Paris of Troy In Kiev Ukraine

January 31, 2022 at 11:29 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva was riding on a ferry in Alaska

She was wearing some vampiress sunblock invented by Dr. Cadbury Rocher of Set Enterprises to prevent her beautiful and delicate vampiric skin from burning to a crisp in the sunlight.

She was in Alaska to prevent a U.S. invasion of Russia from America by having U.S. forces cross the Bering Strait from Alaska to Siberia.

The idea had been conceived by CNN’s most moronic and imbecilic news commentator Don Lemon (the man that intelligent people referred to as The Sour Fruit).

Lemon (who didn’t do any research of his own but only believed everything that the government and the mainstream media told him) had recently discovered that a part of Alaska was separated from Russian Siberia by only 55 miles across a stretch of water known as the Bering Strait.

Lemon discovered the information by coming across a 2008 Sarah Palin For Vice-President campaign video.

Lemon wasn’t sure if the information in the video was correct so he asked every liberal he knew.

CNN’s Jim Acosta (who was busy playing with himself by viewing Jeffrey Epstein’s personal private photo collection) did not know the answer.

Anderson Cooper was out getting his hair done by his favourite hairstylist so he was unavailable to comment.

Lemon asked Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Kamala Harris, Chuck Schumer, AOC, California Gov. Gavin Newsom, Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot and every other left-wing liberal bozo politician and journalist he could think of if Alaska was separated from Siberia by only 55 miles across the Bering Strait.

None knew the answer.

And since none never did any personal research on their own, they couldn’t discover the answer.

Finally Lemon managed to get in touch with the person who was the only intelligent liberal in America which happened to be YouTube commentator Kim Iversen (a woman who actually did research on her own).

Iversen informed the moronic raisin looking Lemon that yes Alaska was only separated by Siberia some 55 miles at the point of the Bering Strait.

Lemon then phoned Joe Biden and told him to have U.S. troops invade Siberia from Alaska should Vladimir Putin invade Kiev.

Biden thus sent a contingent of 69 transgendered and vaccinated Marines over to Alaska to invade Siberia.

Russian Intelligence which had hacked into the entire U.S. Intelligence (?) Security apparatus informed Putin of the plan.

So Putin sent Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva over to Alaska to stop them.

So now we know the answer to the question, How many Russian vampiresses does it take to wipe out and defeat a contingent of transgendered and vaccinated U.S. Marines?

Just one.

. . .

The pig faced Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau was hiding in a bunker outside Ottawa with his wife and family.

The ghosts of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun as well as the ghosts of Joseph and Magda Goebbels were keeping them company.

At one point Justin retreated to a small closet where there was a small mirror and put on some Al Jolson minstrel show blackface.

Trudeau looked at some of Jeffrey Epstein’s personal private photo collection while applying and rubbing some black shoe polish to his tiny phallus.

The blackfaced Justin Trudeau then started eating a Salvation Army Food Hamper (that he had ordered one of his bodyguards to steal from a Salvation Army Food Bank) as he fired off a tweet saying that the truck drivers in Ottawa were stealing food from the homeless while flying racist flags.

Behind Justin Trudeau (as he fired off the tweet) stood the ghost of Confederate States of America President Jefferson Davis holding the American Civil War Confederate Republic flag (which was not the same as General Robert E. Lee’s Battle Flag of Northern Virginia despite what moronic liberals and even a few contemporary Republicans might think) and the ghost of Heinrich Himmler who held up the held up the red, black and white Swastika flag of Nazi Germany.

. . .

The pig faced Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau was now in Ottawa taking selected questions from the members of Canada’s brainless mainstream media (who interestingly enough all had brown noses at the press conference).

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was covering the press conference in his podcast.

Blathered Trudeau, “We’re the ones following the science…”

Interjected Renfield, “Justin Trudeau follows the science of Dr. Victor Frankenstein, the science of Dr. Johann Georg Faust and the science of Dr. Ilya Ivanov.”

Trudeau continued to blather, “We’re the ones following the facts…”

Renfield continued to interject, “The “facts” as made up by Joseph Goebbels’ Ministry of Propaganda and the Orwellian 1984 Ministry of Truth.”

“Anybody who disagrees with me is a conspiracy theorist,” Trudeau couldn’t stop blathering.

Renfield pointed out, “In the first century AD, Judea’s Governor Pontius Pilate posed the question, “What is truth?”. In the 21st Century AD we now know the answer- the truth is anything that Justin Trudeau considers a conspiracy theory.”

. . .

One of Elon Musk’s top scientists Tesla Thoth Merlin had invented an AI robot that looked exactly human.

Unfortunately for Tesla Thoth Merlin, earlier this month the ghost of Prince Paris of Troy had been dispensationally released from the Underworld by Hades at the request of the Greek sorceress Circe.

The ghost of Prince Paris of Troy entered the body of the human looking AI robot and possessed it.

The AI Prince Paris of Troy then flew to Moscow Russia where he was wined and dined by Vladimir Putin.

Paris thanked Putin for his hospitality by running off with the Russian President’s favourite mistress to a luxurious house in Kiev Ukraine where they were currently making out together.

As the serpent Ouroboros swallowed his own tail and the Greco-Roman god Ares/Mars let loose the dogs of war, it appears that History has now come full circle.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 31st
2022.

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Svetlana Kireeva Visits London

January 24, 2022 at 11:42 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Evoking an atmosphere reminiscent of an Anne Rice character in a James Bond film, the beautiful Russian vampiress secret agent Svetlana Kireeva was meeting British MP Renfield R. Renfield in an upscale London restaurant

British actor Rowan Atkinson (who played Mr. Bean on TV and in film) who was dining in the restaurant remarked to his teddy bear, “Teddy I see you’re walking softly on the elegant white table cloth and carrying a big cinammon stick.”

It was a good thing Teddy had a big cinammon stick as Mr. Bean liked his coffee stirred and not shaken.

Svetlana and Renfield were meeting to lay plans for a Russian invasion of Kiev.

Renfield noted that the past two Presidents of Ukraine were puppets of George Soros.

Hence why they were such good friends with senile old fool Joe Biden and his crack cocaine pipe smoking son Hunter.

Renfield said, “My former boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set got a friend of his the ancient Greek enchantress and sorceress Circe to turn NATO troops into swine. Thus when Biden says NATO can easily counter Russian troops in Ukraine, it amounts to little more than hogwash.”

“And should a traditional Catholic priest perform an exorcism on Biden, we may have a second miracle of the Gadarene Swine,” Svetlana smiled.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday January 24th
2022.

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Circe

January 23, 2022 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Literature, Mythology, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Circe Offering The Cup To Ulysses by John William Waterhouse 1891

Circe
Daughter of the sun god Helios
And the Oceanid nymph Perse
An enchantress living on the island
of Aeaea
She has turned most of Ulysses’ crew
into swine
She had lured the Odyssey crew
to her island
with her lovely singing
While weaving on an enormous loon

She had invited the crew to a feast
A pottage of cheese and meat
Sweetened with honey
And laced with wine
But also mixed with potion
That turns them into swine

Ulysses was on board his ship at the time
As he approaches Circe’s palace
Athena sends Hermes to warn him
of Circe’s sorcery
Hermes provides Ulysses with moly
To protect him from Circe’s magic

Circe and the potion beckons but Ulysses does not become swine

. . .

The streets of Kiev, January 2022.

London private eyes Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie were on a spying mission for the British government.

“Who has let these thousands of swine into the streets of Kiev?” Magog wanted to know.

“They were previously NATO soldiers,” Agathor (who had taken the Kiev nightwatch to Magog’s daywatch) explained.

“They were?” Magog was stunned, “Who turned them into swine?”.

“Do you know your Greek mythology and your 19th Century pre-Raphaelite art?” Agathor asked.

“I do,” Magog nodded.

Agathor pointed.

Magog looked.

And standing there was the ancient Greek enchantress Circe not looking a day over 25.

Circe started to sing as she started weaving on a loom.

“Who is she trying to lure to Kiev with her singing?” Magog inquired of Agathor.

“The Russians,” Agathor answered.

“To turn them into swine?” Magog blinked.

“No to turn them into the rulers of Kiev,” Agathor lit a cigar, “It’s NATO she turned into swine.”

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday January 23rd
2022.

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Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole

October 3, 2019 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Spy Tales, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Ukrainian Easter Eggs At The Bottom of The Rabbit Hole

Angelique Dumont was watching television as she sat in the cafe.

The cafe TV showed Donald Trump making a video conferencing call with a U.S. scientific expedition down in the Antarctic.

Donald Trump was talking to a group of penguins that the scientists were filming.

Trump told the penguins, “I sincerely hope that you will ask the government of Antarctica to investigate the activities of Joe Biden and his son Hunter.”

Angelique’s boyfriend Amadeus Emanon soon joined her at her table.

“First Trump has asked Ukraine and earlier today China and now the Antarctic to investigate the activities of Joe and Hunter Biden,” Angelique remarked to Amadeus.

“That seems to be one all encompassing rabbit hole,” Amadeus reached for a carrot from the vegetable appetizer plate for two.

“Of which Ukraine seems to be a part,” Angelique ate her perogies and sour cream, “Have you ever been to Ukraine?”.

“Once,” Amadeus nodded, “Back in 2015 when Renfield was still Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises, the Boss (Amadeus was referring to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) sent Renfield to Kiev to meet a Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi to work out a possible business deal between Koloymoyskyi and Set Enterprises. The deal didn’t work out but I got to spend a few days in Kiev.”

. . .

Back in 2015, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was giving Renfield and Amadeus a heads up on their meeting with Ukrainian billionaire oligarch Ihor Kolomoyskyi.

“This Kolomoyskyi is an interesting character,” Set began, “It’s against Ukrainian law for Ukrainian citizens to hold dual citizenship with another country so Koloymoyskyi gets around it by holding citizenship in 3 countries- Ukraine, Israel and Cyprus.”

“I take it that it’s not against the law for Ukrainian citizens to be citizens of 3 countries,” Amadeus munched on his bucket of hot buttered popcorn.

“Brilliant deduction, Amadeus,” Set answered in somewhat agitated fashion.

“Anything else we should know about this Ihor Koloymoyskyi?” Renfield asked.

“He likes to intimidate people when they first come to his office,” Set helped himself to a live crocodile from a nearby aquarium and ate it, “his office adjoins a shark tank with clear glass windows so that you can see the sharks when you enter his office. As soon as you’re invited to sit down, Mr. Koloymoyskyi will push a button on his desk and a spray of shrimp will shoot up in the aquarium which the sharks will promptly eat leaving patches of blood in the water.”

“He sounds like a villain in a James Bond film,” Amadeus turned pale.

“He does,” Set admitted.

“Well, thanks for giving us the heads up, Boss,” Renfield ate his shark fin’s soup and shrimp salad.

. . .

In his office adjacent to the shark tank which had a motorcycle and a black leather jacket (which had the words THE FONZ written on it) lying on the ocean like sand and rocks and sea weed at the bottom of the tank, Ihor Koloymoyskyi invited Renfield and Amadeus to sit down.

Once Renfield and Amadeus had sat down, then Koloymoyskyi (grinning like the Cheshire Cat about to eat the canary) pushed the button on his desk.

A spray of shrimp shot up into the aquarium and the sharks promptly ate the shrimps leaving patches of blood in the water.

As Amadeus sat looking petrified, Renfield calmly lit himself a cigar as all this was going on and started blowing smoke rings in the shape of the figures of Sir Winston Churchill and the British Lion.

When the sharks had finished eating the shrimps, Renfield removed a laser pointer pen from his pocket and pointed the laser point at the sharks.

This was no ordinary laser point for the laser beam immediately started dissecting the sharks and cutting them up.

When Renfield had finished, he helped himself uninvited to the bottle of Douro Valley Portuguese Port wine that Koloymoyskyi had on his desk and poured himself a glass.

“So,” Renfield lit himself another cigar, “let’s get down to business shall we?”.

“I paid $5 million each for each one of those sharks,” cried a thunder struck Koloymoyskyi.

“Boy, were you ever taken for a ride,” Renfield blew a smoke ring shaped like the Batmobile.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday October 3rd 
2019.

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Pirate’s Ghost Attends Volodymyr Zelensky’s Inauguration

May 20, 2019 at 9:55 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The ghost of Captain Kerry Donegal the little known (save to a certain Oxford historian and his grad students) 18th Century Irish pirate of the Caribbean was walking the streets of Kiev in Ukraine.

He was here to attend the inauguration of Volodymyr Zelensky as Ukraine’s new President.

As a pirate’s ghost, he had only recently been released from Purgatory.

The decision to release him came in a teleconferencing call between the Greek gods Hades, Poseidon and Zeus.

Hades as the god of the Underworld had Purgatory under his jurisdiction.

However the section of Purgatory that Captain Kerry Donegal was in was Davy Jones’ Locker over which Poseidon also held jurisdiction.

As Poseidon walked along the beaches of Tel Aviv, Israel (where the sea god passed Miranda the mermaid while he was holding his seashell phone to his ear) the three Olympians agreed on Captain Donegal’s release.

Normally Pope Francis as the successor of Simon Peter (to whom Christ had given the keys of Heaven, Hell and Purgatory) was supposed to have some say on the matter but since Francis did not believe in the existence of 2 out of 3 of those places, he had abdicated all responsibility on the matter to Hades back in 2014.

Captain Kerry Donegal wasn’t too sure why his release from Purgatory and Davy Jones’ Locker was so important to Zeus but it had something to do with Zeus wanting to release his own personal kraken on the world.

And Captain Donegal had died as a result of being strangled by a kraken.

Albeit as far as he knew, the kraken who strangled him wasn’t Zeus’ personal kraken.

Since arriving on the world above Purgatory and Davy Jones’ Locker, Captain Donegal had ridden a horse called Bodexpress at the Preakness Stakes in Baltimore, Maryland when the horse’s jockey had fallen off and the pirate’s ghost decided to jump on the horse and ride the rest of the way.

The pirate and Bodexpress had come in 2nd from last in the race although technically speaking, Bodexpress was officially listed as Did Not Finish.

The pirate captain blamed his poor finish on not having ridden a horse since the days of his wild youth in Ireland.

Captain Donegal had been in Baltimore, Maryland trying to locate a man named Edgar Allan Poe since a Haitian fortune teller had once told him that a man named Poe who lived in the city would someday be able to help him.

Captain Donegal discovered to his horror that Poe had apparently died almost 170 years earlier and in his shock had suddenly found himself on the Pimlico Race Course with a bunch of horses charging right through him.

He leapt on Bodexpress when Bodexpress’ rider had fallen off at the start of the race.

And now Captain Kerry Donegal found himself in Kiev, Ukraine.

He wasn’t quite sure how he got here but he was here.

The last he remembered was being in a Baltimore pub after the race but no one had taken his order (namely because they couldn’t see him).

He had heard in the pub that Ukraine would be holding a Presidential inauguration today and Captain Donegal recalled that a Cossack pirate who had served on his ship The Not So Green Shamrock had come from Ukraine.

He decided to visit the place and lo and behold he was here.

He watched as Ukraine’s new leader Volodymyr Zelensky took the oath of office.

But what he particularly enjoyed was watching two vampiresses (although he didn’t know they were vampiresses) wrestling with one another after the inauguration.

Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak was battling it out with Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva on behalf of their respective countries.

All he needed now, Captain Kerry Donegal thought to himself, was a good bottle of rum as he watched.

There was nothing he enjoyed more than a good catfight.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 20th
2019.


Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak wishes reader George F. a pleasant evening.

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The Irish Celtic Goddess Morrigan In Ukraine On Saint Andrew’s Day

November 30, 2018 at 11:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )


The Irish Celtic Goddess Morrigan In Ukraine On Saint Andrew’s Day

The Irish Celtic Goddess Morrigan awaited war
War between Russia and Ukraine
The Celtic goddess of War stood there
Alongside Ares the Greek god of war
And Thor the Norse god of thunder

They stood in the woods not far from Voronkiv
the village home to Metropolitan Pavel
Of the Ukrainian Orthodox Church
Of the Patriarchate of Moscow
The home was being raided by the SBU
(Ukraine’s state security service)
Accusing Metropolitan Pavel of inciting religious hostility
Because he criticized Patriarch Filaret of the Kiev Patriarchate
Of the newly autocephalous Ukrainian Orthodox Church
Recently recognized by the Patriarch of Constantinople

But Metropolitan Pavel was not at his home in Voronkiv
He was at Kiev-Pechersk Lavra Monastery
Where he was the Father-Superior
Kiev-Pechersk Lavra Monastery the monastery of the caves
The caves which held perfectly preserved bodies of monastic saints
Whose fame was known throughout the entire Czarist Russian Empire
And as such inspired Lenin to have his body preserved in Moscow after death (and after founding the USSR)
to compete with Kiev-Pechersk Lavra Monastery
to show that Marx and Lenin were gods superior to the Christian Holy Trinity
Yet Lenin’s preservation depended on 20th Century mummification techniques
whereas those of the saintly monks of Kiev-Pechersk Lavra monastery were supernaturally preserved

The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith sent a succubus to the monastery

to seduce Pavel and prepare the way for war
Pavel asked for the intercession of Saint Nicholas II
(Russia’s last Czar who in the last few months of his life
had come to believe that Mary the Mother of Jesus
had indeed appeared at Fatima Portugal from May to October 1917
And had asked the Church and the world to pray
for the Consecration and conversion of Russia)
To pray in the Communion of Saints in Heaven
that he be given the strength to withstand
the temptation of the succubus

Meanwhile in the forest near Voronkiv
a black jaguar with silver eyes had attacked both Ares and Thor
Possessed of a mighty supernatural strength he wounded both these deities
Morrigan fled through the woods to escape the jaguar
She succeeded
The black jaguar was nowhere to be seen

Then she heard a forlorn howl
The Irish Celtic Goddess Morrigan turned her head

And there stood a white wolf with blue eyes
gazing at her
His eyes were hypnotic
Morrigan slowly took her dress off
And lay back in the autumn grasses of Ukraine
on Saint Andrew’s Day
The wolf turned into a handsome naked man
Who mounted her,

“Adonais Lupine!” The succubus in the chapel of the monastery shrieked

The best laid plans of Lilith and three ancient deities for war
Had seemingly gone astray.

-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 30th 2018.

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