The Kraken Na₱oleon VI and Medusa On A Na₱oleonic Anniversary
They Call Her Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff
Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton in downtown Moscow Russia
Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was the owner of the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton in downtown Moscow Russia.
She was also the behind the scenes owner of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel on the outskirts of Moscow Idaho.
The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel was famous for once having Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie as a guest there.
Uncle Ernie sought refuge there after he became the only guest in all of recorded history to be kicked out of the Hotel Calfornia (which was unusual because as the Eagles song informs us “You can check out but you can never leave”).
Uncle Ernie was also kicked out of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel as well.
The problem was that The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel was full of beautiful, sexy and very attractive usually scantily clad female employees.
And the problem as far as Uncle Ernie was concerned was that he kept stealing and trying on for himself the few sexy dresses that the scantily clad female employees of The Bunny Shaped Potato Ranch Motel had.
So Uncle Ernie was then thrown into a potato sack and dropped off on Interstate 90 in Idaho where unfortunately he was not run over by any motor vehicle.
The potato sack wearing Uncle Ernie was picked up by a bus load of nuns who were headed to a retreat being held on Lake Coeur d’Alene.
But that’s another story.
Let’s just say they’ve never had another transgendered Jewish Rastafarian nun ever since.
Although Pope Francis is working on it since he views it as quite possibly the greatest accomplishment of his senile Synodality project.
There were rumours abounding in Moscow Russia that the Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton Hotel was likewise a brothel.
But that couldn’t be the case because self-proclaimed devout Orthodox Christian Vladimir Putin was seen going in and out of the hotel all the time.
Anyways Set Enterprises was trying to prevent a global nuclear war unleashed by Russia’s psychopathic wanna be reborn Czar Peter the Great.
To that end this past Wednesday October 5th Set Enterprises sent the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec to Moscow to negotiate in face to face talks with the Russian leader.
Diplomacy failed after Russian President Vladimir Putin tried to make a pass at the sexy Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.
“I’m really the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg,” Putin winked at her.
“You strike me more as being a PH unbalanced sasquatch teller of tall and incredibly boring tales,” Qonzilqointec remarked prior to kicking him in his tiny testicles with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.
So diplomacy had failed.
Set Enterprises was now trying blackmail.
It had sent Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing to Moscow Russia to interview Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff the owner of The Catherine the Great Moscow Hilton Hotel and get her to admit and maybe even provide camera video footage of Vladimir Putin cavorting with high priced call girl escorts.
Dracul Van Helsing entered the bedroom of Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff and was confronted by this sight:
“Hello, Madame Natasha,” Van Helsing smiled, “How would you like to lie back on your bed and I’ll present to you Saint Thomas Aquinas’ Cosmological Argument for the Existence of God?”.
Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff did just that and Dracul Van Helsing presented to the madame the Angelic Doctor’s Cosmological Argument For The Existence of God with a never before heard of method of discourse using illustrations from the Kama Sutra brought to life to argue the case for Intelligent Design of the Cosmos.
By the time Van Helsing had finished, Madame Natasha Rachmaninoff was not only a confirmed theist but a confirmed Thomistic philosopher as well.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 7th
2022.
Dr. Marmalade Montague Investigates Causes of Sulphuric Explosions
Dr. Marmalade Montague was a scientist who worked at Set Enterprises in London.
Even though he had no official background in science.
He had owned a bakery in Paris that went out of business during the 2020 plandemic lockdown under the orders of France’s Neo-Vichy tyrant Emmanuel Macron.
Still Marmalade Montague knew more about science than most of the so-called health “experts” who dispensed bad advice by the manure filled truckload during the plandemic of 2020-2021.
Dr. Marmalade Montague’s current project was investigating the causes of sulphurous explosions.
For this purpose he had sent Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun (who was the son of Sophia the Greco-Egyptian Gnostic goddess of wisdom) to the Yellowstone Caldera Supervolcano in Yellowstone National Park to pick up a sample of sulphurous contents bubbling up from the ground.
While Yaldabaoth was there using a baby bottle to pick up a sample from one of the bubbling craters, the crater had a major explosion.
Luckily for Yaldabaoth, being a leprechaun, he was immortal so the explosion didn’t kill him.
However it did put a dent into his plans to spend a night at the Moonlite BunnyRanch in Nevada as he could hardly go into the place smelling like rotten eggs.
The explosion did however kill a sasquatch who was walking by.
The sasquatch was currently in the process of litigation (a major lawsuit) against the man codenamed PH Unbalanced by Britain’s MI-6 Agency and the man considered the world’s most boring author.
The world’s most boring author had written a novel claiming that this sasquatch had murdered the world’s most boring sheriff’s deputy.
The claim was in fact true but what the sasquatch objected to was being written about and included as a character in a novel that was so unbelievably colossally boring.
He hadn’t been able to get a date since the novel was published as most female sasquatch and even a few gay, bisexual and transgendered sasquatch considered him too boring to date.
The sasquatch had gone to a City of Laramie Wyoming law firm to launch a lawsuit against the world’s most boring author PH Unbalanced filing the claim that “being included as a character in the world’s most boring novel written by the world’s most boring author had totally ruined his sex life”.
Now as a result of the sulphurous explosion, the sasquatch was dead.
Yaldabaoth after several months of showering would be able to have a sex life again.
The poor sasquatch being dead could not.
Dr. Marmalade Montague was also investigating the cause of Joe Biden’s sulphurous bowel movements alluded to into final (and end of life) reports written by some of the world’s late top secret agents in spy agencies.
For that, Dr. Marmalade Montague was using the visions of Michelangelo the psychic lobster.
Apparently back on January 28th 2021 (7 days after Biden was inaugurated having successfully stolen the 2020 U.S. Presidential election), senile old Joe had been invited to speak at a United Jewish Appeal dinner in New York City in March of that year.
He was not to be the number one speaker however.
He was to be the number two speaker (which was appropriate for Joe).
The number one speaker was to be the well known Jewish Rastafarian and self described “independent pharmaceutical manufacturer” from Australia known by the popular moniker of Uncle Ernie (assuming of course that Uncle Ernie wouldn’t be in jail in Australia “drummed up on some nefarious charges brought against him by the government” as Uncle Ernie would put it).
The fallen archangel Mephistopheles (who was one of Joe Biden’s 3 supernatural advisors along with Baal and Baphomet) had recommended to Joe that he send someone to try to find the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee and bring them to the U.S. for Joe Biden to eat the remains prior to giving his number two speech to the United Jewish Appeal dinner in New York City.
The Gadarene swine of course had been possessed by the demons known as Legion and had been sent by Jesus Christ into the swine after Jesus had successfully exorcised a man known as the Gadarene demoniac.
The swine then charged into the Sea of Galilee.
Thus acting on orders from Joe Biden, the American Deep State set about to recover the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.
Israeli Mossad agent Anna Chador to a Tel Aviv based scuba diver: “Would you be able to dive to the bottom of the Sea of Galilee and see if the remains of the Gadarene swine are still down there and if they are to bring them up to the surface?”.
He: Yes.
Unfortunately for Biden and Mephistopheles, those agencies associated with the American Deep State such as the CIA were having a top secret convention at Area 51 (remember this was the time of the plandemic and everything and everyone was supposed to be in lockdown) and the treats at this top secret convention were Australian Uncle Ernie’s independently made pharmaceuticals.
Thus after the convention, the CIA were in no shape whatsoever to go looking for the remains of the Gadarene swine at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.
However there were plenty of reports of sightings of UFOs and ETs at Area 51 after this convention.
Thus the spaced-out CIA outsourced the mission to the Israeli Mossad.
The task was assigned to one of Israel’s top female agents Anna Chador and after consulting with a Tel Aviv based scuba diver, a deep sea mission was undertaken and the Gadarene Swine were found perfectly preserved at the bottom of the Sea of Galilee.
The bodies were raised from the depths and then flown to Washington DC.
Hell’s Kitchen chef Gordon Ramsay was brought in to cook the remains at the White House.
He made pork chops out of them which he topped with his famous homemade Sriracha laced apple sauce.
Joe Biden ate all of the Gadarene swine pork chops and apple sauce leaving the other guests at dinner hungry and awestruck at the senile old fool’s ravenous appetite.
The Gadarene swine pork chops and apple sauce remained fully stuck in Joe Biden’s intestines and could never be removed (something the fallen Archangel Mephistopheles knew would happen).
The direct result of the Gadarene swine pork chops and Sriracha laced homemade apple sauce being forever stuck in Biden’s intestines would be that he would always have sulphurous explosive bowel movements.
It was fortunate that the New York Chapter of the United Jewish Appeal decided to have their dinner and speeches via Zoom due to the plandemic.
The secret service agents guarding Biden on the night of his United Jewish Appeal Zoom dinner speech were not so lucky.
In an effort to boost the profits of the pharmaceutical manufacturing investments of one Dr. Anthony Fauci, the cause of the secret service agents’ deaths was listed as Covid rather than sulphurous fumes.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 28th
2022.
Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka At 1965 Salvador Dali Art Show
Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka at 1965 Salvador Dali Art Show in New York City
The year was 1965.
The immortal Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka had been invited to attend a Salvador Dali Art Show at an exclusive Upper Park Avenue art gallery in New York City.
She wasn’t sure why she was invited but she flew from London to NYC to attend the show as Salvador Dali was considered one of the 20th Century’s greatest artists.
It turns out the show was guarded by FBI agents for some reason.
“I’d like to see your QR Code,” an FBI agent said to Tanaka as she was about to enter.
“What?” Tanaka looked at him strangely.
“Oops, sorry, wrong year,” said the FBI agent who was a time traveler from the future.
Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau, who was overseeing security for the show, hit the FBI agent over the head, “Moron.”
Tanaka entered the gallery.
The name of the show was VOYNICH AND THE NEW WORLD ORDER.
As she entered, she noticed New York Gov. Nelson Rockefeller in there glad handling the crowd.
Rockefeller’s slogan when he ran for President in 1968 was NEW WORLD ORDER.
But most people had forgotten that.
They thought New World Order was first mentioned by Skull and Bones CIA spook turned President George Herbert Walker Bush when he gave a speech to the U.S. Congress on September 11th 1990.
“What is this Voynich?” Tanaka asked the gallery’s owner.
“It is a mysterious manuscript written in an unknown language that is believed to go back to the late Middle Ages and early Renaissance period,” the owner explained, “It was said to have been examined by the famous 17th Century Jesuit polymath Athanasius Kircher who was unable to decipher it. The manuscript takes its name from a Polish antiquarian book dealer Wilfrid Voynich who purchased it from a Jesuit College in Rome in 1912. Our artist Salvador Dali was invited to examine the manuscript by its current owner. Dali examined the manuscript after being fed a supper of magic mushrooms by a strange character who’s here today. Calls himself Uncle Ernie.”
The owner pointed towards a strange individual who was going around carrying a plate of what he called “the most delectable white sugar laced donuts” who was offering it to people.
“And these paintings are based on images of what Salvador Dali saw within the Voynich Manuscript?” Tanaka inquired.
“They are,” the owner nodded.
The Lakota Sioux Princess Tananka in front of one of the Salvador Dali oil paintings based on images in the mysterious Voynich Manuscript.
Tanaka heard comments from some of the guests.
A man who claimed to be a CIA agent was bragging to Uncle Ernie while eating one of his delectable white sugar laced doughnuts, “We the Deep State shot Jack Kennedy. We’re going to shoot his younger brother Robert F. Kennedy as well if he doesn’t stop being so uppity.”
The FBI agent (who was a time traveler from the future) said, “The Deep State may have to do something about Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as well since he seems to be resisting it in 2020 and 2021.”
“Shut up you moron,” Franz Kohler of the Nazi SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau once again slapped him.
“What strange guests,” The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka thought to herself.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday November 16th
2021.
Ichabod and Ickabob
British MP Renfield R. Renfield was flying over Australia in the Set Enterprises’ dirigible airship The Wild Colonial Boy.
This airship like all of Set’s airship fleet was very eco-friendly and environmentally friendly and was powered by a cannabis engine.
The Wild Colonial Boy however ran on a very special high octane form of cannabis.
This cannabis had been developed by Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie back at the Hotel California in the Summer of ’69.
A large amount of this cannabis managed to eventually find its way into a Vancouver apartment that was rented out in 1978 by Canadian singer Bryan Adams.
Which was a good thing.
Because the recipe for this type of cannabis was immediately forgotten by Uncle Ernie right after he made it.
The same was the case for every other type of drug made by Uncle Ernie.
As those who suscribe to Uncle Ernie’s Drug of The Day Uberhigh Club by mail say, “You never get the same type of drug from Uncle Ernie twice.”
Seeds from Uncle Ernie’s Summer of ’69 Hotel California cannabis eventually found their way to auction at Sotheby’s in London in the summer of 2021.
Where they were purchased by the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set beating out both George Soros and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad Bin Salman in bidding.
And now Renfield was flying around the world from London England to Sydney Australia in just 10 minutes using the super power octane like cannabis engine that ran on Uncle Ernie’s Summer of ’69 Hotel California cannabis.
Uncle Ernie had beat NASA, Jeff Bezos, Sir Richard Branson and Elon Musk all to Hell.
By powering a 1930s style very old fashioned dirigible.
And not even knowing it.
As he stood on an empty Sydney stage in a near empty Sydney theatre singing the title role of his drag queen Cumelita as he was unintentionally setting his girdle on fire.
The only person in the Sydney theatre was Daniel Andrews the Neo-Stalinist and Neo-Maoist tyrant Premier of Victoria state a neighbouring state of the state of New South Wales (New South Wales’ capital was Sydney).
Andrews being a globalist elitist and not a mere simple pleb was not subject to his own draconian lockdown rules (or anyone else’s for that matter).
He sat in the theatre not wearing a mask or pants or even a condom as he sat pleasuring himself like American children’s show TV host Pee-wee Herman in a porno theatre.
The seat would of course have to be steam cleaned afterwards.
. . .
Set Enterprises’ chief scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher was showing his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set blown up and magnified images of what was on microscopic slides showing samples from both the Moderna and Pfizer “vaccines” (really mRNA genetic serums) for the Wuhan CCP virus (called Covid-19 by the pro-Communist WHO World Health Organization).
The nanobots and nano-organisms in the “vaccine” were magnified an infinite number of times.
An octopus like micro-organism moved itself off the slide in one sample.
And another octopus like micro-organism moved itself off the slide in another sample.
“The Set Enterprises’ Intelligence Unit is investigating the possibility that Bill Gates’ paid help managed to extract DNA from Cthulhu,” Dr. Rocher explained.
“And it’s through this,” Set asked, “that my brother and brother-in-law Osiris (so beloved by Freemasons everywhere) intends to rule the world?”.
Dr. Rocher nodded.
“And do you have a name for this octopus like micro-organism?” Set inquired.
“I call it Ickabob,” Dr. Cadbury Rocher answered.
. . .
The ghost of Orson Welles was reading a huge leather bound volume on Vampires and Ghosts that he had borrowed from the personal library of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
“Did you know that Katrina Van Tassel became a vampiress?” Welles asked Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.
“She did?” Dracul was shocked, “Katrina Van Tassel who was fought over by two men the mortal schoolteacher Ichabod Crane and the ghostly Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow?”.
“That’s right,” Welles nodded as he sipped a ghostly glass of spectral red wine.
“I don’t drink… wine,” the voice of Bela Lugosi could be heard coming from the nearby television set which was showing the 1931 film Dracula.
“How did she become a vampiress?” Van Helsing asked.
“Dracula was visiting upstate New York at the time and gave her a hickey,” Welles answered.
When Van Helsing went back to his London apartment, he found vampiress Katrina Van Tassel inside.
Katrina Van Tassel
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 10th
2021.
Extremely Curious George
“Well, I’m sure Renfield will be happy to see you back in London, Amadeus,” Set Enterprises’ secret agent Miranda Singh remarked to Amadeus Emanon who was the best friend of British MP Renfield R. Renfield and had been living for over a year in Australia, “but I thought the Australian government wasn’t allowing you to leave Australia because they found something strange with your DNA and were wanting Australia’s intelligence agencies to investigate further.”
“That’s true but the Boss,” Amadeus was referring to his official employer the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “sent one of his eco-friendly environmentally friendly cannabis-powered dirigible airships The Peregrine Falcon to rescue me after my Australian host Uncle Ernie had his backyard unauthorized and illegal pharmaceutical manufacturing facility raided and poor Uncle Ernie once again finds himself in jail.”
“Why was Uncle Ernie raided?” Miranda inquired.
“Xi Jinping discovered that Uncle Ernie was the major competitor and rival to the CCP illegal drug monopoly in Australia and Xi couldn’t stand having any major competitors in the Australian market,” Amadeus explained, “Many Austalian politicians depend on CCP illegal drug money to help finance their political campaigns and so when the word got out that Xi’s axe was about to fall on Uncle Ernie’s head, many Australian politicos put on their executioners’ masks.”
“Like Victoria State Dictator Daniel Andrews whose nickname is Chairman Dan?” Miranda asked.
“Yes, Andrews recently slipped on some wet stairs at his holiday home on the Mornington Peninsula a week ago,” Amadeus nodded, “surprisingly the day after Uncle Ernie gave a surprise evening performance of his drag queen show Cumelita to kangaroos and koala bears who were watching the performance through the Andrews holiday home window. It was strange the Australian police said they found traces of Uncle Ernie’s DNA on those wet stairs which leads one to speculate on what it was that Uncle Ernie was doing.”
“I’m sure a YouTube video will appear eventually showing what it was that Uncle Ernie was doing,” Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague remarked as he entered the room.
“Unless of course Uncle Ernie sang a song whose lyrics dispute the official Covid-19 narrative currently being espoused by the World Health Organization,” Miranda quipped, “in which case that video will be immediately banned by YouTube, Twitter and Facebook.”
“Was that a stegosaurus I just saw walking by?” Amadeus gasped as he pointed out the office window.
“Yes, Dr. Cadbury Rocher successfully cloned a stegosaurus using stegosaurus DNA found on the blood sucked by the perfectly preserved remains of a 155 million year old mosquito,” Montague smiled.
“What’s its name?” Amadeus asked.
“Extremely Curious George,” Montague answered.
“Extremely Curious George?” Amadeus repeated the name in the form of a question.
“Yes, like Curious George the monkey in the famous children’s stories and later film,” Montague nodded, “only a lot more curious.”
A strange cry is heard.
“Um,” Montague turned pale, “I think Extremely Curious George may have just examined the mouse trap I set to catch the mouse who’s been stealing my grilled cheese sandwiches.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday March 15th
2021.
Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka On Night of The Wolf Moon 2021
The Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka on the Night of The Wolf Moon
The January full moon is called the Wolf Moon and on this night a wolf was terrorizing the countryside.
It so happened that the Lakota Sioux Princess Tanaka was in possession of the battle axe of William Wallace the great Scottish warrior and hero of the 1st War of Scottish Independence who defeated the English Army at the Battle of Stirling Bridge in September 1297.
She also wore the painted red seal of Wallace on her head, left eye and face as she wandered through the snowy woods in search of the wolf terror.
Then Tanaka came face to face with the wolf terror.
She recognized the beast right away from ancient and medieval drawings.
It was the Norse wolf Fenrir.
It was a good thing for Tanaka that she had the great William Wallace’s battle axe with her.
Tanaka threw the Wallacian battle axe and beheaded the wolf.
The wolf’s severed head growled in the now bloody snow surrounding it after it had left its body.
In the Lupine language, the wolf had said through its growling, “I hate it when that happens.”
. . .
The Norse god Odin was staying in a cheap motel room as he would be attending an important meeting the next few days.
The only places in this town where he was staying had cheap motel rooms.
Odin had missplaced his spectacles so he was inserting a contact lens into his sole remaining eye.
He was wanting to watch the 1940 movie Waterloo Bridge starring Vivien Leigh and Robert Taylor on television.
As Odin tried to get the contact lens out of the tiny glass bottle container that it was in, he reflected back to a time in Australia when he had accidentally inserted a very small circumcized foreskin into his eye after removing it from a tiny glass bottle container.
“It belonged to some pervert who looked even worse than you did when you dressed up in drag,” Odin had said to his son Thor at the time.
After Odin had got the contact lens into his eye on this Night of the Wolf Moon, Thor came to inform his father that both Loki and Fenrir had been beheaded.
Loki had apparently been beheaded yesterday and Fenrir had been beheaded this evening.
“So,” Odin smiled, “We may not have to fight the Battle of Ragnarok after all.”
Odin and Thor then ordered pizza and take out Chinese food that they had delivered to their motel room and then proceeded to watch the 1940 version of the film Waterloo Bridge on the room’s TV.
Thor despite his tough guy macho image was bawling and sobbing like a baby by the time the movie was over.
Odin phoned down to the front desk to have another box of kleenex tissues brought up to the room.
“I’ll never be able to stand at that spot on London’s Waterloo Bridge again without bursting into tears,” Thor sobbed, “I won’t be able to look at a Buddha good luck charm without bursting into tears either.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 28th
2021.
Reblog of Aphrodite At Oxford
A vampire novel chapter I wrote from last year.
Aphrodite At Oxford
The Greek goddess Aphrodite writing her term paper on the Native American myths surrounding the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo
The Greek goddess Aphrodite had recently returned from the town of Stettler, Alberta, Canada where she had been researching Cree and Blackfoot indigenous myths on the origins of the North American Plains Buffalo.
She was putting the finishing touches on her term paper for the class she was taking in World Mythology and Folklore.
The class was taught by Prof. William Charles an Associate Professor of Mythology, Folklore, Vampirism, Lycanthropy and Paranormal Studies at Oxford.
His class was extremely popular and hard to get into.
Nevertheless the Greek goddess Aphrodite when visiting Prof. William Charles in his office before the start of this semester was able to convince the famed supernaturalist into letting her into class even though she had no previous formal education.
The…
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Christoph Cardinal Schonborn of Vienna Publicly Outs Himself As An Apostle of The Antichrist
Amadeus Emanon was reading the Facebook status comment of a geopolitical analyst friend of British MP Renfield R. Renfield:
“The pro-sodomite, pro-gay sexy orgy, pro-allowing filthy drag queen shows to be performed at the High Altar of Saint Stephen’s Cathedral in Vienna Cardinal Archbishop of Vienna Christoph Schonborn is an Apostle of the Antichrist.
And judging from remarks he made today on the U.S. election and the Capitol Hill siege in Washington DC (which the satanic Neo-Bolshevik Left in America is going to use to abolish civil liberties in America (when Biden is sworn in) in the same way the Nazis used the German Reichstag fire of February 27th 1933 to abolish civil liberties in Germany) Schonborn is also a Marxist-Leninist Neo-Bolshevik Neo-Communist as well.
Christoph Schonborn is of his father, the Father of Lies, the Devil.
Unless he repents and turns to Christ and His Holy Mother, he shall burn forever in the outer darkness of the flames of the Lake of Fire where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
“I wonder why I was never invited to perform Cumelita at the High Altar of Saint Stephen’s Cathedral in Vienna,” Australia’s notorious Uncle Ernie wondered aloud as he scratched his chin and scratched other parts of his anatomy after Amadeus had finished reading aloud the Facebook status.
“Perhaps Cardinal Schonborn didn’t want to get a head start on being plunged head first into the Lake of Fire,” Amadeus suggested.
“What did you mean by that?” A perplexed Uncle Ernie asked Amadeus.
The aging and well past his prime drag queen then turned his attention to the kitchen and screamed, “Where the Hell did all those flames come from?”.
“Uncle Ernie!” His adopted niece by marriage exclaimed, “You should never have left your Driver’s License lying around in front of those koala bears you taught how to read. They made you a birthday cake and lit all the candles of your exact age on it.”
“Help!” Help! Fire! Fire!” Uncle Ernie’s adopted nephew by merciful adoption rather than biology opened the front door and went running into the street.
The local fire department soon beat a red path to the kitchen door.
. . .
Xi Jinping’s supernatural spirit entity advisor the Black Dragon was having a meeting with the fallen angel Mephistopheles and his incredibly dim witted protege Joe Biden.
“Comrade Mephisto,” the Black Dragon read aloud from a list of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) demands, “The Party would like to know if you would allow the Red State to be able to harvest the organs of Donald Trump supporters since you’ll have no use for them in the New Soviet state.”
“Joe, what do you think?” Mephistopheles turned to the President-elect who was busy sniffing the hair of the young woman sitting next to him.
“Hell, why not?” Joe grinned, “I can sign an Executive Order to that effect”
. . .
Meanwhile a beautiful young woman suddenly woke up in a small town in Kansas:
“I have seen the Future. And it doesn’t work.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday January 15th
2020.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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