Pan Goatee Beheads More Uglos and Morons While Stalin’s Saints Keep Marching On

October 16, 2021 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

Genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was about to get off a bus.

A fellow with a stupid looking expression on his face beat him to the back door exit (the fellow was so stupid looking that Pan guessed he was probably a supporter of vaccine mandates).

Anyways when the green light went on, the fellow was too stupid to wave his hand in front of the spot that said WAVE HERE to open the door.

Goatee was finally forced to wave his hand in front of the spot while the idiot in front of him stood totally clueless.

As the idiot got off the bus and stood there looking stupid, an ugly looking woman (of the thin ugly looking stoat variety according to the Goatee Classification System of Facially Aesthetically Challenged Uglos) ran in front of Goatee to get on the bus Goatee just got off.

Goatee immediately beheaded the thin ugly stoat and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

He did the same to her moronic looking boyfriend who ran alongside her.

He beheaded the jerk with incredibly bad taste in women and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee then went after the stupid looking idiot who did not know how to get off a bus.

“If you had known how to get off a bus, bozo, or at least stepped aside until I got off in front of you, I wouldn’t have had the misfortune of having that ugly looking creature run in front of me,” Goatee pointed out, “If you’re too stupid to know how to ride a bus, then don’t ride a bus, asshole.”

Goatee then beheaded the idiot and cut him up into 999 trillion pieces.

The idiot would not be riding a bus ever again.

Goatee then rushed to get on the next bus.

A fat ugly blimp (on the Goatee Classification System of Facially Aesthetically Challenged Uglos) decided to walk past Goatee to go up to flirt with the bus driver.

The bus driver must not have been from Calgary originally because he turned down the fatso uglo’s flirtations.

The fat ugly blimp on her way to the back of the bus (where she should have stayed) found herself being beheaded by Pan Goatee and cut up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon goat arrived on the bus to carry the fat ugly blimp’s remains down to Tartarus.

“This is bringing back memories of why I’ve stopped riding the bloody Calgary Transit System,” Goatee commented, “Too many uglos and morons riding it.”

As Celine Dion used to sing, “It’s all coming back to me now…”

. . .

Celine Dion would not be singing the song My Heart Will Go On in the case of a 17-year-old Ontario hockey player Sean Hartman who died of a heart attack two weeks after receiving the vaccine jab against Covid.

Sean Hartman who had been playing hockey in Beeton, Ontario since he was 5 years old absolutely loved playing hockey.

But he wouldn’t be allowed to play hockey this season unless he got vaccinated.

So he got vaccinated and two weeks later he was dead.

At the same time, Public Health Ontario dryly released a report covering vaccination data from December 2020 to August 7th 2021 and dryly concluded “the highest reporting rate of myocarditis/pericarditis was observed in males age 18-24 years following second dose.”

. . .

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was having a vision of British MP Renfield R. Renfield overseeing the execution of New South Wales Chief Health Officer Dr. Kerry Chant by firing squad.

Dr. Kerry Chant was the ugly looking airhead who said, “A Covid-forever New World Order is the New Normal.”

Dr. Kerry Chant was wearing a hood over her head to prevent the firing squad from barfing all over the place which would have occurred if they saw her repulsively ugly and stupid looking face.

New South Wales would not have suffered any problems in the first place if Pan Goatee had been a citizen of that state.

Michelangelo applauded vigourously with his lobster claws as Dr. Kerry Chant was blown away to kingdom come by Renfield’s firing squad.

Meanwhile as a result of the massive vaccination campaign going on in the Neo-Maoist Neo-Stalinst Nazi Police State of Victoria in Australia, that state just got a new record of 2,297 new cases in a single day and 62.65% of those cases were among the double dosed.

Michelangelo sees people lining up to take the vaccine shot and as they do so, the Haitian Vodou spirit of Baron Samedi sings his own paraphrased version of an old New Orleans spiritual hymn,

“When Stalin’s saints come marching in,
When Stalin’s saints come marching in,
you better be, be, be in that number
When Stalin’s saints come marching in…”

Those lining up either keel over and die after getting the shot or turn into living dead zombies with their flesh falling off and wander the streets in search of brains.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 16th
2021.

Baron Samedi partying it up with a female disciple and singing, “When Stalin’s saints keep marching in…”

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October 2019: Fauci Plots Release of Virus From China To Bring About A Universal mRNA Flu Vaccine

October 9, 2021 at 11:00 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was reading a report prepared by the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.

The Unit had discovered a video of a meeting that Dr. Anthony Fauci had had with HHS (the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) back in October 2019.

Fauci and the HHS wanted to find a way to impose a universal flu vaccine on the citizens of the world.

Fauci wanted a vaccine that wasn’t really a vaccine but rather an mRNA genetic serum.

Trouble was it would probably take another 10 years before approval of mRNA testing on humans would be given.

Fauci’s solution: “We blow the system up.”

His suggestion was to disrupt the bureaucratic process and cut through all the red tape using an “entity of excitement” possibly the release of “an avian flu virus from China” that would allow them to bring in Emergency Use Authorization (EUA) of “a global RNA vaccine to be tested out on the public”.

Of course as it turned out, it wasn’t an avian flu virus from China that would be released out upon the world.

It was a bat Coronavirus virus for which Dr. Anthony Fauci had been financing Gain-of-Function research into at the Wuhan Institute of Virology.

It was for this reason that for the past year and a half Renfield had been maintaining that Dr. Anthony Fauci should be tried with Crimes Against Humanity, found guilty and then be taken out and shot by firing squad.

Renfield felt the same process should be proscribed for George Soros, Bill Gates, Klaus Schwab and Xi Jinping as well.

. . .

Zeus was having dinner with his brothers Hades (god of the Underworld) and Poseidon (god of the ocean).

“Ny son Apollo is up to something,” Zeus said as he bit into a huge slice of roast beef.

“Mermaids have been telling me that he’s worried about his son Aclepius,” Poseidon bit into a huge lobster that would have made Set Enterprises’ clairvoyant employee Michelangelo wince.

“The fallen Archangel Mephistopheles (who belongs to a race of beings even older than us Olympians or our predecessors the Titans) recently demanded that I release Asclepius from the realm of the Underworld along with the ghost of the Renaissance alchemist Dr. Johann Georg Faust,” Hades bit into a huge dish of Bavarian magic mushrooms.

“That’s interesting,” Zeus ordered a bottle of Corona beer.

“It happened once before,” Hades pulled a mushroom out of his beard.

“It did?” Zeus was quizzical.

“Yes, back in the late 1930s Mephistopheles had requsted that I release Asclepius from the Underworld,” Hades ordered some more wine.

“Faust was still alive in the 1930s, wasn’t he?” Poseidon asked.

“Yes, Faust didn’t die until 2011 when Renfield R. Renfield who was then the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering For Set Enterprises at the time hired an Irish arsonist to burn him alive until he was dead,” Hades replied.

. . .

It was May 8th 1945 and the Greek goddess Hera (Queen of Olympus) was in a cheap Bed and Breakfast room in Cornwall with the ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Hera: So Germany has now surrendered?

Set: Yes, but I hear the American OSS (Office of Strategic Services) is now working to bring the most brilliant Nazi psychiatrists and behavioural scientists to America.
So I suspect a Fourth Reich will someday arise in America.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 9th
2021.

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Is The Cure Worse Than The Disease?

October 8, 2021 at 10:57 pm (Detective story, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Sorcery, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“The vaccine wasn’t developed for the virus. The virus was developed for the vaccine.”
-British MP Renfield R. Renfield

While the mainstream media was busy blathering away the latest globlalist propaganda bullshit and political leaders all across the globe were coming down like the Full Adolf and the Full Stalin on their citizens, the ghosts of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were calmly sitting in the sitting room of the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Holmes was smoking a pipe and Watson was enjoying a spot of tea.

The two had been dispensationally released from the Underworld of Hades at the request of Anubis who was Set’s jackal-headed son.

“So, Watson, we know that back in the late 20-teens, the egotistical jackass Dr. Anthony Fauci (good friend of Bill Gates and other leading globalists) had started funding Gain-of-Function research specifically into the bat coronavirus at the Wuhan Institute of Virology. Then sometime in the late autumn of 2019/early winter of 2020 (right after the satanic antipope Jorge Mario Bergoglio had welcomed the demonic dragon/human female shapeshifting Inca earth mother goddess Pachamama into the Vatican) reports of a strange respiratory disease started surfacing in the city of Wuhan. The WHO (whose biggest funders are Bill Gates and the Chinese Communist regime in Beijing) blamed it on market stalls selling bats at a Wuhan wet market. Unbiased evidence suggests that the virus was actually released from the Wuhan Institute of Virology itself.
Now the question is, was it intentional or accidental?
Donald Trump in 2020 had ordered Operation Warpspeed against the Sars-Cov-2 Virus called Covid-19 by the pro-Communist WHO and called the Wuhan CCP Virus by intelligent people.
He had not ordered Warpspeed using regular vaccines but rather mRNA genetic serums which in 20 years of unsuccessful experiments on animals had killed off every single animal they had experimented on.
So what was good enough for animals was certainly good enough for humans as far as Big Pharma (the big pharmaceutical companies) was concerned.
Interesting Watson that pharmakeia the Greek word for pharmaceuticals is also the Greek word for sorcery as found in the Book of The Apocalypse Revelation 18:23 “For by thy sorceries were all nations deceived.”
Turning to the most recent statistics, the Vermont Department of Health (Vermont, home of Neo-Menshevik Bernie Sanders, is the most vaccinated state per capita in the American nation) has admitted that 76% of Covid deaths in Vermont the past month occurred in the fully vaccinated.
In fact the only places in the world where it is claimed according to the latest statistics (which may be damned lies in Benjamin Disraeli’s opinion) that it is the unvaccinated who are the majority in dying is in the Canadian prairie provinces of Alberta and Saskatchewan.
Much chicanery and skulduggery is going on in those provinces.
Just as Albus Dumbledore had Hermione Granger in his army, so too Voldemorte has a Hermione (last name unknown) and it is her and her disciples at work in the Canadian provinces of Alberta and Saskatchewan.
As you may not know, Watson, since you practiced medicine in a time when medicine actually was an honourable profession, these experimental gene-transfer Covid vaccines produce the loaded weapon of a toxic spike protein.
And this spike protein itself is independently pathnogenic.
So it’s possible that this “vaccine” with its independently pathnogenic spike protein is worse than the original Covid virus itself.
And it’s the pathnogenic spike protein in the Pfizer and Covid “vaccines” (genetic serums) that may in fact be the Delta variant that’s killing so many people vaccinated and unvaccinated alike.

The ghost of Orson Welles then ran an ancient film projector that showed the Nuremberg Rally of 1938 which showed a holographic image of Bill Gates being projected from the future saying, “It’s about the population control, stupid.”
This was followed by a holographic image of World Economic Forum Chairman Klaus Schwab saying, “It’s also about the Transhumanism, stupid.”
This was followed by a holographic image of Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis) carrying his seminary report card prominently displaying an “F” in Latin and an “F” in Doctrinal Theology and saying, “Has anybody seen my Pachamama?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 8th
2021.

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Hera At Versailles

January 26, 2021 at 11:58 pm (Arts, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, magic, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )


The Greek goddess Hera at the Palace of Versailles during the reign of the Sun King

“So,” Set Enterprises’ eccentric scientist Dr. Marmalade Montague asked Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing, “I hear you’re able to travel back in time using the Pantages-Houdini-Tesla-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern?”.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that,” Van Helsing answered.

In his aquarium in the background, Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster held up a sign that read CONFIRMED.

“So,” Marmalade read the sign, “When I fell into a time warp when I was Chief Scientist and Head Alchemist To The Court of Louis Quatorze and wound up here in the decade of the 2020s, I left an important alchemical formula on my desk in my laboratory at the Palace of Versailles. I was wondering if you could go back in time and get it for me?”.

“Why can’t you go back in time and get it yourself?” Van Helsing inquired.

“Because the Hindu god Shiva informed me while I was standing in line once at an Indian buffet restaurant in London last year that if I ever engaged in time travel again, I’d disintegrate into a pod of peas hanging from a lotus flower,” Dr. Marmalade Montague replied.

“One wouldn’t want that unless one were a vegan vegetarian Transhumanist,” Van Helsing agreed.

“I don’t know if it was because I helped myself to the last 2 dozen pieces of butter chicken from a buffet tray before the chef brought some more as I was standing in line in front of Shiva or if Shiva really meant it,” Marmalade reflected.

“Well, as J. Robert Oppenheimer might say while putting on a trojan, it’s best to be on the safe side,” Van Helsing acknowledged.

And so Van Helsing went back in time to the Palace of Versailles during the reign of Louis XIV the Sun King.

He found the laboratory but as he entered the room a cat had knocked a piece of paper off the table which seemed to have elaborate drawings and formulae on it.

The paper was then eaten by a poodle.

“I hope that wasn’t the formula for turning lead into gold,” Van Helsing mused aloud.

He then found his way to the main dining room of Versailles where he encountered the Greek goddess Hera.

The Greek goddess Hera and Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing had made out on a couple of occasions.

Unbeknownst to the Greek god Zeus of course.

Otherwise Van Helsing might have disintegrated into ash as a result of having an Olympian thunder bolt thrown at him.

“Dracul,” Hera smiled at him.

“You must have time traveled from the 21st Century as well,” Van Helsing made a Holmes Sherlockian deduction, “because I never knew you during the Reign of the Sun King Louis Quatorze.”

“I did,” Hera nodded, “I time traveled from January 2021.”

“Same here,” Van Helsing stated.

“Did you know that a year ago Zeus asked Hades to release the spirit of Alexander the Great from the Underworld?” Hera inquired.

“It seems to me I heard something to that effect from the ghost of Orson Welles,” Van Helsing reflected.

“And now this January he’s asked Hades to release the spirit of the Syrian Greek King Antiochus Epiphanes (whose official title was King Antiochus IV ) from the Underworld,” Hera noted.

“Maybe Zeus is planning a major Abomination of Desolation with Pope Francis and they want Antiochus Epiphanes’ input into the matter,” Van Helsing said as a group of waiters walked by carrying trays loaded with roast pork.

“I’m so horny and frustrated by Zeus constantly ignoring me,” Hera sighed.

“Maybe I could help you with that,” Van Helsing took off his formal dinner jacket.

Soon Hera and Van Helsing were making out on top of the Royal Banquet table.

“Ah, I see they’re still setting up in here,” Louis XIV remarked to one of his mistresses as he poked his head in through the dining hall door, “Perhaps you’d like to come to my bedroom and I’ll show you my ceiling etchings of Zeus and Leto.”

At that moment the ghost of Orson Welles was bicyling backwards through time in the CERN Large Hadron Collidor Time Tunnel.

As he bicycled backwards in time through the time tunnel, the voice of Engelbert Humperdinck could be heard singing Les Bicyclettes de Belsize.

Welles’ ghost was eating a large spectral bagel as he cycled backwards through time.

Welles hoped that no one would mistake him for Hunter Biden son of Joe Biden as he was returning from Mass in the Presidential motorcade when he ordered the motorcade stopped so he could buy a bagel as he had come down with the munchies after having smoked a pipe of crack cocaine in the confessional booth.

Welles’ ghost arrived just in time to see Dracul and Hera making out on the Royal Banquet table.

“Woe is me,” Welles remarked as he drove his bicyle through the dining room window and on to the Versailles palace grounds.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday January 26th
2021.

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The Kraken Visits Conflans-Sainte-Honorine

October 17, 2020 at 10:55 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

The Kraken known as Napoleon VI was the leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party and was a sitting member of the French National Assembly.

He, along with his wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon, was currently visiting the French town of Conflans-Sainte-Honorine some 30 km (20 miles) northwest of central Paris.

They were here under sad circumstances.

To visit the College du Bois d’Aulne where a teacher at the school Samuel Paty had been beheaded yesterday by an Islamist terrorist as he walked down a street heading from the school towards his home.

Mr. Paty had been a history and geography teacher at the school and had recently given a class lecture on freedom of thought and freedom of expression with reference to Charlie Hebdo a French satirical magazine that had published cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad in 2015.

For that action, the office of Charlie Hebdo was attacked by Islamist terrorists and several members of the staff were killed.

The trial over that attack had recently begun.

Three weeks ago an Islamist terrorist had stabbed a couple of people outside the former offices of Charlie Hebdo apparently oblivious to the fact that the satirical magazine had moved to another location.

Mr. Paty had shown his class pictures of the cartoons that Charlie Hebdo magazine had published.

This made Samuel Paty a marked man.

The murderer of Mr. Paty was Abdoulakh A. an 18-year-old Chechen from Russia who lived in the Normandy town of Evreux about 100 km (62 miles) from the murder scene and had no apparent previous connection with the teacher or the school.

Apparently Abdoulakh had waited outside the school this past Friday and had asked students to identify the teacher.

He followed Mr. Paty who was walking home and attacked him, inflicting multiple wounds to his head and then beheading him.

The Islamist terrorist then posted images on social media of his victim and his severed head.

As he continued to post photos on Twitter referring to President Emmanuel Macron and the French as “infidels” and “dogs”, police approached him.

The terrorist fired at police with an airgun.

They returned fire and the terrorist was shot 9 times in all.

His subsequent demise saved the Fifth Republic of France the cost of an expensive trial.

The Kraken and Medusa talked to some of Samuel Paty’s students- current and former.

A father of one of the students had posted on Twitter “My daughter is in pieces, terrorized by the violence of such an act. How will I explain to her the unthinkable?”.

Samuel Paty had been a well-liked teacher at the school.

One of Mr. Paty’s former students Martial, 16, had said that the teacher absolutely loved his job, “He really wanted to teach us things.Sometimes we held debates in class.”

After talking to the students and laying flowers at the site where Mr. Paty was slain, the Kraken phoned his friend British MP Renfield R. Renfield to discuss the growing terrorist threat in France.

Meanwhile down in the Underworld, Abdulakh A. was expecting to be rewarded with 72 dark-eyed virgins and lots of cosmic celestial sex.

Imagine his surprise when the three-headed dog Cerberus escorted him to a rotating barbeque spit over an open fire where he’d be spending his next eternity.

“Where are the 72 dark-eyed virgins that were promised me?” Abdulakh screamed as a trio of one-eyed cyclops giants tied him to the spit and began the neverending rotation.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 17th
2020.

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Tartarus Bound and The Keys

September 18, 2020 at 10:22 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

As the three headed dog Cerberus led the late U.S. Associate Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg to her rotating barbeque spit over an open fire in Tartarus where she’d be spending her next eternity, three other figures had just been granted a one year dispensational leave from their rotating barbeque spits in Tartarus.

Pope Francis, who had actually lost the Keys of Saint Peter several years ago but didn’t bother relaying that message to Hades the Greek god of the Underworld, had communicated with the cthonic deity to release the three figures.

Bergoglio had communicated with Hades via a Rome based spiritist medium Sophia de Medici.


Sophia de Medici: Who did not feel at all threatened, sexually harrassed or lusted at by the men who worked in Pope Francis’ Vatican.

Later after the three figures arrived in Rome, Pope Francis had a Zoom conference video meeting with powerful figures from around the globe.

Meanwhile British MP Renfield R. Renfield was informing the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set that the term “Great Reset” was a globalist code word for establishing a One World Marxist Leninist government.

Earlier this week Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus the Ethiopian Communist who headed WHO (the World Health Organization) said that the current crisis would not end “with a vaccine but only with a total reorganization of society. We can never go back to the way things were before.”

Renfeld told Set: “That’s globalist code for freedom is permanently dead.”

The Sodom and Gomorrah admiring Italian-American physician Dr. Anthony Fauci (medical darling of the mainstream Marxist media) also talked about the need for combating climate change and for redistributing the world’s wealth (although by that he didn’t mean his own personal wealth would be available for redistribution- notation by Renfield).

Flaky Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi blamed both the CCP Wuhan virus and the California wildfires on climate change.

“Mother Earth is mad at us!” Said the San Francisco Congresswoman while sporting a Medusa serpentine hairdo.

Likewise conceited, pompous and arrogant California Gov. Gavin Newsom blamed the California wildfires on climate change.

Just as the latest California wildfire was being started by fireworks going off at a gender reveal party in the woods.

Certainly one fiery revelation to say the least!

At the Davos Forum in Switzerland earlier this year, George Soros told participants that this year must mark the start of the “Great Reset”.

Now George Soros, Bill Gates, American economist Jeffrey Sachs and U-2 singer Bono were in a Zoom video conference with Pope Francis.

“Gentlemen,” Pope Francis held his hammer and sickle crucifix given him as a gift by Evo Morales the former Marxist President of Bolivia, “I have asked Hades to release three spirits from Tartarus for an entire year to help us as we launch the Great Reset.”

The ghosts of Lenin, Stalin and Mao Tse-tung stepped forward into the room where the Unholy Father was addressing his fellow Zoom conference participants.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday September 18th
2020.

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Huchuysisa At Luxor

August 12, 2020 at 11:10 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


The Inca Vampiress Huchuysisa standing in front of one of the pillars of the Temple of Luxor

The Inca vampiress Huchuysisa stood alongside one of the pillars of the Temple of Luxor.

Approaching her was the ghost of Orson Welles who was walking with the ghost of a man who looked to be dressed in the garb of a classical Greek warrior.

Welles’ ghost was wearing spectral dark sunglasses and appeared to have lost weight the past week by a steady diet of spectral vegan plant based camelburgers.

“Look who I’ve found,” Welles’ ghost flashed a wide smile as he took off his spectral sunglasses.

“Who?” Huchuysisa asked.

“The ghost of Alexander the Great,” Welles introduced the ancient Greek king and conquerer, “Apparently the Greek god Zeus asked his brother Hades to release Alex from the realm of Hades back in January. Hades consented and Alex had gone on a Mediterranean cruise to see what the modern Mediterranean looked like. And wouldn’t you know it, this wretched CCP virus (which WHO has mandated everyone should call the Covid-19 virus so that’s why I’m not doing it) struck. Poor Alex’s ship was sailing aimlessly for months. It was finally allowed to dock in Alexandria after Alexander had to bribe a whole bunch of officials with a bunch of rare and valuable ancient Greek drachma coins that Charon the Styx river ferryman had neglected to remove from Alex’s mouth when he was crossing the Rivers Styx and Acheron after kicking the bucket centuries ago.”

“What is Alexander doing here at Luxor?” Huchuysisa asked.

“He’s come to see the Temple of Luxor where he had himself crowned Pharaoh of Egypt centuries ago,” Welles replied as he lit a spectral Cuban cigar.

“But some scholars claim he was never actually crowned Pharaoh of Egypt here,” Huchuysisa pointed out, “That he never got south of Memphis. That he was only crowned conceptually and not in person here. He got himself crowned conceptually at Luxor since being crowned Pharaoh at Luxor was the Egyptian Pharaohonic thing to do. And Alexander wanted to do it.”

“Is that true, Alex?” Welles’ ghost pulled a large spectral bottle of red wine out of his coat pocket.

“I don’t know,” Alexander’s ghost shrugged, “I can’t remember. I drank a little from the River Lethe (the river of forgetfulness in the Underworld). Not as much as my fellow spectral travellers who were with me did. I do remember much but there’s quite a bit I have forgotten.”

“I wonder,” Welles’ ghost poured himself a spectral glass of spectral red wine, “if Joe Biden ever stumbled and bumbled his way down to the River Lethe in the Underworld and mistaking it for the Pierian Spring, he drank deeply from it.”

The winged horse Pegasus flew by the vampiress and the ghostly duo.

Meanwhile down in his basement, Joe Biden mistaking his pot smoking cactus plant (which was a gift to him from some crazy Australian named Uncle Ernie who had taken way too many cuttings off his adopted nephew’s pet pot cactus plants) for his wife asked the plant, “Dear, who was it I named my Vice-Presidential running mate again? I’ve forgotten.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday August 12th
2020.

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Hi’ iaka’s Dance and Song: Dutchman On The Rocks

July 13, 2020 at 10:40 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“The time seems to be growing short!”
Poseidon said to his brother Hades
as he noticed sands through the centuries’ long hourglass
starting to run out.
“I wonder if I should send the sirens close to that ship
to beckon the Dutchman towards his final Stygian port!”
Poseidon stroked his beard and twiddled his trident.

“The sirens have long surpassed their quota of bringing ships in
towards their final Stygian ports,” Hades put on his spectacles
to browse the latest accounting report and statement
put together by his own personal infernal accountant,
“That Dutchman is a braggart and a fool.
He’ll offend somebody and when the final dice is rolled,
They whoever they may be will summon the Dutchman towards his final Stygian port.”

Captain Hendrick Van Der Decken
stood at the wheel of the Flying Dutchman
It had been a long time
since that fatal year of 1641
when he had blasphemed Christ
and thrown his Crucifix into the sea
after having sold his soul to the Devil
in the waters of the Cape of Good Hope
off South Africa

Hendrick had long since given up on the idea
of ever making landfall again
To sail ocean waters until Doomsday
he had accepted as his fate

An albatross with an arrow stuck in its feathered breast
landed on the ship’s wheel
and squawked like a parrot,
“You’re never going to make landfall until the Apocalypse,
You’re never going to make landfall until the Apocalypse!”.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Captain Van Der Decken grimaced.

“All right, the square root of pi is… oh, my God, I’ve forgotten!
The square root of pi is… oh, my God I’ve forgotten!”.
And with that the albatross spread its wings
and flew off
Presumably in search of an electronic calculator
or one positively mesmerizing abacus.

“Thanks for nothing!” Van Der Decken spit into the wind
And the wind returned the favour.
A huge splash of wave wiped off the spit.

The Captain followed a star in the heavens
Unbeknownst to him, the star was the comet NEOWISE
haunting the early morning sky in various parts of the world

His ship came within sight of Hawaii
And there on the rocks off shore
danced Hi’iaka the Hawaiian goddess of dance
She danced the hula and sang a sweet lovely song

Hendrick felt a stirring in his loins
Something he hadn’t experienced in centuries
and he steered the ship’s wheel in the direction of the song
and the sight of the heavenly vision

Hi’iaka’s elder sister Pele the goddess of volcanoes and fire
was offended by the Captain’s look of lust
and blew her top

Lava and molten rock
struck the ship Flying Dutchman
and broke it apart
The ship’s wheel and the Captain
landed on the rock
On which Hi’iaka danced the hula

As Hi’iaka danced,
she smiled
and wagged her finger
at the Captain
and said,
“No lei for you.”

And with that Captain Hendrick Van Der Decken
fell back below the surface of the waves
there to be ferried across the River Styx
and growled at on the shore
by the 3-headed dog Cerberus.

-A supernatural narrative poem
and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 13th
2020.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimp While Marxist Quartet Visits DC

July 4, 2020 at 10:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Satyr serial killer Pan Goatee received an email from his local public library telling people not to put their library books in the microwave and turn it on in the mistaken belief that this will kill any Covid-19 virus lurking on the book covers and jacket.

“I can’t believe the stupidity of people these days,” Goatee remarked.

But there was plenty of stupidity going around as some fat ugly blimp was stupidly wandering around the neighbourhood where Pan Goatee lived.

Goatee quickly beheaded the fat ugly blimp with his astral laser machete and cut her up into 666 quadrillion pieces.

There was a beautiful woman who had been walking alongside the fat ugly blimp.

“Just on the off chance ugliness is contagious like the Covid-19 virus,” Goatee spoke in solemn infectious diseases “expert” tones as he beheaded the beautiful woman.

Dr. Anthony Fauci had never addressed the question on whether or not ugliness was contagious (although there was some evidence for it when one looked at news footage of the overall appearance of women who attended Hillary 2016 rallies 4 years ago).

Dr. Fauci himself had caught a mysterious virus a few days ago that had turned him into a garden gnome lawn ornament.

Although members of House and Senate Committees that Dr. Fauci had testified in front of the past week hadn’t noticed any difference.

As Joe Biden made his 4th of July message on his front lawn surrounded by garden gnome lawn ornaments whom, he told the assembled media, were wanting to smell his hairy legs, Biden said, “The most patriotic thing one can do this 4th of July is to wear a mask.”

Biden made the statement while NOT wearing a mask.

At the 4th of July fireworks display over Washington DC, the ghosts of Vladimir Lenin, Josef Stalin, Mao Tse-tung and North Korea’s first Communist leader Kim Il-sung were all watching.

The ghosts of the Marxist quartet had been temporarily released by Hades from roasting away on their respective barbeque spits down in Tartarus at the request of Pope Francis who was quite anxious that the foursome should see this year’s 4th of July fireworks over Washington DC.

Pope Francis’ request to Hades had been co-signed by American economist Jeffrey Sachs, Bill Gates of Microsoft and botched vaccines fame, George Soros, WHO head Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, UN Secretary-General Antonio Guterres and Communist China’s paramount leader Xi Jinping.

“Just think,” Stalin shed tears, “By next year’s 4th of July celebrations, this country will belong to us.”

“Or at least your ideological successors at any rate,” the 3 heads of Cerberus growled as the famed Underworld dog chased the 4 back to Tartarus.

And then in the glow of the Buck Moon (the nickname of the July full moon because this is the time of year when the male deer begin to grow their antlers), Cernunnos the Celtic horned stag god of beasts and wild places stood atop the Washington Monument obelisk in the moonlight.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 4th
2020.

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Pan Goatee Slays Heavy Drinking Uglo While Hades and Poseidon Hold Summit

June 28, 2020 at 10:30 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Pan Goatee was sickened by the sight of some repulsively ugly looking creature entering a liquor store.

“I guess if I was as ugly looking as you are, I’d be driven to drink as well,” the satyr commented as he lopped the uglo’s head off with his astral laser machete.

He then cut up the said uglo into 999 quintillion pieces with his machete as he addressed the approaching blind folded and covid mask wearing rats and approaching blind folded and covid mask wearing nanites who’d be eating the remains of the uglo and then vomiting them up on the banks of the River Styx for transport to Tartarus, “With the Covid refusing to die down like a good virus, the United Nations’ Communist Secretary-General Antonio Guterres saying he hopes a global Marxist government can be quickly established as the “new normal” in a post-pandemic world and Neo-Bolshevik insurrectionists establishing a neo-Jacobin French Revolutionary style Reign of Terror in the U.S., you’re not helping matters aesthetically polluting Gaia by wandering around with your ugly looking faces ruining the days of sensible people everywhere but of course not the days of stupid people (of which there seems to be an overabundance in the Western world). Dickens said of the years of the original Reign of Terror, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. But thanks to the repulsive pathetically ugly ugliness of uglos such as yourself, we’ve only got the “worst of times’ in this second Reign of Terror.”

Meanwhile down in the Underworld, Hades the Greek god of the underworld was holding a summit meeting with Poseidon the Greek god of the Ocean.

“The Underworld seems to be inundated with a lot of uglos these days because of that troublesome satyr Pan Goatee,” Hades complained to Poseidon.

“I don’t think you can blame Pan Goatee,” Poseidon came to the defense of the satyr, “you have to blame the Western world for somehow having an overabundance of ugly females. Our brother Zeus says he no longer visits Canada and the U.S.A. anymore when he’s feeling raunchy. It just invokes nausea in him.”

“Turning to another matter, I granted the ghost of General Andrew Jackson a dispensational release from Purgatory so he can go fight the Neo-Bolshevik insurgents that are trying to take over the U.S.,” Hades lit himself a cigar.

“Jackson heard about that?” Poseidon ate a scallop.

“Yes, news reached him about the Neo-Bolshevik insurgents trying to tear his statue down in the vicinity of the White House a few days ago so now he wants to go fight them,” Hades explained.

“And why did you agree to his request?” Poseidon asked.

“Because he provides me with such good cigars,” Hades blew smoke rings, “although I think he gets them from the ghost of his wife who was apparently quite the cigar connoisseur in her mortal life.”

“What’s the latest with the Neo-Bolshevik insurrection in the U.S. anyways?” Poseidon ate a lobster who was a distant cousin of Set Enterprises’ famed psychic lobster Michelangelo.

“I hear Antifa has been advertising a peaceful family friendly 4th of July Flag Burning at the Gettysburg Cemetery this coming 4th of July,” Hades drank a gin and tonic.

“I imagine Abe Lincoln’s ghost and Union General Ulysses S. Grant will be requesting dispensations if that goes ahead,” Poseidon remarked.

“Undoubtedly,” Hades nodded.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday June 28th
2020.

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