Davos To Be Held In Season of Baseball and Pretzels and Beer Rather Than Season of Skiing and Snowflakes and Brandy

December 20, 2021 at 9:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was sitting at his office desk putting orange marmalade on his crumpets and drinking a cup of Earl Grey tea.

Johnson opened up a Christmas card and read the message.

“Thank you so much for doing your best to cancel Christmas this year.”

It was signed The Grinch.

“I never knew how much the Grinch’s smile resembled Joe Biden’s,” Johnson mused aloud.

The heads of MI-5 and MI-6 soon joined Johnson.

“Mr. Johnson,” the MI-6 head explained, “The Davos World Economic Forum for next month has been cancelled and postponed until next summer.”

“Due to Omicron no doubt,” Johnson read statistics that showed vaccinated people were most in danger of getting the Omicron variant.

Johnson set the page of statistics aflame and dropped them in the wastepaper basket where an aide dumped water on it.

“That is the official explanation,” the head of MI-5 answered, “But the real reason is that a Member of the British Parliament had planned for an elaborate commando raid on the Davos World Economic Forum next month, take all those assembled hostage and then take them out and have them shot by firing squad.”

“Would that be Renfield R. Renfield?” Johnson asked.

“You got it,” both men nodded.

. . .

Joe Biden was sitting in his Oval Office reading the report on the Renfield Plan and the real reason for the cancellation of the Davos World Economic Forum next month.

He then dropped a load in his pants.

Biden pushed a button on his desk and spoke into the intercom, “Psaki, come wipe me.”

Psaki’s voice could be heard, “But I don’t have a towel.”

“That’s even better,” Biden grinned lecherously, “Come lick me then.”

. . .

Fazbach Reviewer was a Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI agent who had managed to weasel his way to the upper echelons of the Set Enterprises Intelligence Unit.

Reviewer had entered the Unit back in March 2013 shortly after the Commie fag Jesuit Jorge Mario Bergoglio had been elected Pope.

He had done so on the orders of U.S. President Barack Obama who considered Set and his Chief of Security Renfield R. Renfield a threat to his Prince Hall Freemasonic overlords Osiris and Horus.

Today Fazbach Reviewer stood on top of the tower of Big Ben, his buns had just been tomatoed by dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes to a burning crisp and his hands were in a pair of forward looking handcuffs.

“Well,” Renfield pulled out a pair of pliers, “I’ve got five good reasons why I’m going to pull out your fingernails on this hand one at a time.”

Renfield went through his reasons 1 to 4.

The Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI agent screamed (in earth shattering screams each time) as Renfield went through his reasons and another bloodied fingernail fell into the snow.

“And lastly,” Renfield grinned as he held up the fingernail of the pinky finger on Fazbach Reviewer’s left hand, “I’ve got 5 more reasons.”

The man’s screams surpassed the sounds of Big Ben chiming as the Westminster clocktower bell mysteriously started chiming despite being under repairs.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday December 20th
2021.

Woman On V-E Day May 8th 1945

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Andrea Lang and Renfield’s Memorable Date

December 9, 2021 at 9:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Andrea Lang inside Harrods Department Store, London, England

Mystery novelist Andrea Lang was going on a date with British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

A few weeks ago, Renfield had bought one of Miss Lang’s mystery novels and had read it in a single night.

So he used his contacts to locate her phone number and phoned her and asked her for a date.

She was intrigued so she accepted.

They were currently inside Harrods Department Store where Renfield was trying to buy some soft drinks and candies for them.

Seeing as how Renfield was neither wearing a mask nor could show proof of vaccination (since he wasn’t vaccinated), he was having a dispute with a Harrods Department Store security guard.

The MP punched the security guard and sent him flying in the direction of the Women’s Lingerie Department.

“Put those on and you can get a job in Joe Biden’s cabinet,” Renfield suggested.

The clerk then sold Renfield the items since they were not wanting a dispute with the fiery MP.

As Renfield approached, she was noticing he was sporting a black eye.

“Does it hurt?” She asked.

“Only when I laugh,” Renfield answered.

“I suppose we better not go see a comedy then,” Andrea noted, “I hear the Trismegistus Repertory Cinema in London is showing a recently discovered Vincent Price directed film version of Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus.”

Suddenly Renfield and Andrea were distracted by British Prime Minister Boris Johnson entering Harrods where he made the announcement that he was cancelling Christmas.

The Prime Minister found himself set upon by a teddy bear wearing the uniform of a 19th Century French general.

The teddy bear began beating him up and kicking him in the butt.

“Someone get that teddy bear away from me,” Boris shouted.

Renfield started laughing.

“Oh, what the heck,” Renfield smiled, “Let’s go see that new Mr. Bean movie.”

Renfield and Andrea left Harrods holding hands.

That night as 11-year-old Nicholas Carlyle lay in bed, his latest Winter Wonderland dream actually resembled the 11 PM Evening News.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 9th
2021.

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Star-Crossed Leprechaun

March 11, 2021 at 11:43 pm (Espionage, Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, Movies, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

“Darling, darling, what is it you saw?” Parker Andrewes asked his wife Claire.

“Perhaps Madame Andrewes would like a cup of tea?” Bela the butler put a tea tray down on the table next to the lounging chair where Claire Andrewes had collapsed after looking out the window.

“Tea would be nice,” said Claire.

“Darling, what was it you saw?” Parker Andrewes asked his wife again.

“A leprechaun,” Claire replied.

“A leprechaun?” Parker Andrewes was stunned by the reply.

“You mean like the wee green folk who live in Ireland?” Bela inquired.

“Yes,” Claire nodded.

Our story begins several hours earlier in the year 2021 at 10 Downing Street in London.

“And what did you say your name was again?” British Prime Minister Boris Johnson asked his bald headed guest with the big fangs protruding over his mouth.

“Count Nosferatu,” the bald headed man with big fangs answered.

“Count Nosferatu?” Johnson removed some scrambled eggs that had been caught in his hair, “You mean like Count Dracula?”.

“No, Count Nosferatu like the 1922 German silent film Nosferatu starring Max Schreck,” the bald headed vampire answered, “Although his name was Count Orlok in the film but mine is Nosferatu. That’s because I was the world’s first Nosferatu.”

“What’s the difference between Nosferatu and other vampires?” Johnson removed some slices of bacon caught in his hair.

“Nosferatu are bald headed vampires,” Count Nosferatu replied.

“Really?” Boris Johnson started washing his hair with Johnson’s Baby Shampoo, “I hope that won’t happen to me. The ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith turned me into what she called a zombie nosferatu. I hope this doesn’t mean I’m going to go bald.”

“Many zombies still have hair,” Count Nosferatu reflected, “so perhaps you’ll be more zombie than nosferatu.”

“Gosh, I certainly hope so,” Johnson started drying his hair with heat from a toaster he held upside down over his head.

“I think someone’s filming us,” Count Nosferatu pointed to the potted plants on the stand outside the 2nd floor balcony window.

“It must be the blasted members of the press again,” Johnson seethed, “I’m going to settle this once and for all. I’m going to moon them.”

Johnson pulled his trousers and boxer shorts down.

He then turned around and bent over.

Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun was standing in the potted plants filming the Boris Johnson-Count Nosferatu meeting on behalf of Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol.

He was startled by the sight of Boris Johnson mooning him.

So much so that he pushed the wrong button on his Houdini-Tesla-Pantages-Welles-Lamarr Magic Lantern Film Projector and Camera.

The device could also serve as an instrument for time travel.

Yaldabaoth wound up in the year 1939 on the Parker Andrewes Estate near Watertown New York.

Claire Andrewes happened to be looking out the Andrewes mansion window at the time.

She noticed the wee leprechaun.

Yaldbaoth tried pushing another button on the device to return to the time from whence he came.

Instead he pushed a button that projected 3-D holographic images of the Boris Johnson-Count Nosferatu meeting including the British Prime Minister’s infamous mooning of the potted plants on the 2nd floor balcony window.

The sight of Johnson’s moon landing sent Claire Andrewes reeling into her lounging chair where her husband Parker and their butler Bela came rushing to her aid.

The ghost of radio show host Paul Harvey appeared outside the mansion and speaking into a ghostly microphone said, “And now you know the rest of the story.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 11th
2021.

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Sherrielock Holmes Meets Boris Johnson

May 24, 2020 at 10:53 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Romance, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

Sherrielock Holmes Meets Boris Johnson

World famous London dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes was getting her photo taken by world famous London photographer Manuel Murrat Merriweather.

She was getting her picture taken on her sofa in front of a Manuel Murrat Merriweather retouched photo of an old black and white aerial photo of New York City in 1931.

When the photo session was over, Sherrielock gave Manuel a spanking for not social distancing during the photo session.

Then when that was over, she gave him another spanking for not social distancing during the original spanking session.

And on and on it went.

Until there was a knock at her apartment door.

It was British Prime Minister Boris Johnson showing up for a previous scheduled appointment.

Manuel Murrat Merriweather left the apartment with his bottom tingling like the sound of caroling bells from a church tower on Christmas Eve.

His buttocks now resembled a Christmas candy cane.

Boris Johnson arrived at Sherrielock Holmes’ apartment because he figured he could use a good spanking since he had not demanded that his chief advisor Dominic Cummings resign for breaking his government’s own coronavirus lockdown rules.

People were thinking that one rule applied for the elites and another rule applied to the masses.

Of course, Johnson, being the Oxford trained classicist that he was, knew that had always been the case throughout human history.

However he figured that a good bare bottom spanking at the hands of dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes should put the matter to rest as far as the British public was concerned.

Johnson was starting to have second thoughts about his decision as soon as the spanking started.

His buttocks even more so.

The ghost of the late British Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill (sometime spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) came apparitionly through the walls of Sherrielock’s apartment because he hadn’t spoken to her in a while.

Churchill’s ghost found the whole spectacle quite distressing.

Not so much the sight of Sherrielock’s lovely tight skirted lap.

But the sight of a totally nude Boris Johnson across that lap with his buttocks a glowing tomato red.

Churchill’s ghostly appetite would be lost for the next week.

Johnson eventually departed deducing that this must be what the sting of a thousand Asian giant hornets must feel like.

He was followed minutes later by a mask wearing Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu who figured he could use a spanking for not resigning while facing bribery and corruption charges in the Israeli courts.

Like Johnson, Netanyahu and his buttocks were likewise regretting the decision minutes after the spanking started.

Meantime the ghost of Orson Welles (likewise an occasional spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield) strolled apparitionly through the walls of Sherrielock’s apartment because he hadn’t spoken to her in a while.

Welles’ ghost likewise was distressed by the spectacle.

Again not by the sight of Sherrielock’s lovely tight skirted lap.

But by Netanyahu’s total nudity plus his buttocks turning tomato red (albeit a very kosher looking tomato red).

Welles’ ghost left the apartment in search of several dozen glasses of a good spectral red wine while Sherrielock quipped, “We will spank no Benjamin before his time.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday May 24th
2020.

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A Banyan Tree Grows On The Moon

March 29, 2020 at 11:10 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, love, Mythology, News, Poetry, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

A Banyan Tree Grows On The Moon

Walking the streets of Honolulu in 1946
Was Los Angeles private eye Carson Cody Albion 
He was on vacation 
After having solved the mysterious case of the Blue Velvet Dandelion
back in LA 

He walked through some of the crafts shops in the city 
He noticed one belonging to a man who made ships in a bottle
Carson entered the store and looked around
He noticed one ship in a bottle that attracted his attention

“What ship is this?” Albion asked the craftsman
“The Santa Maria,” the craftsman replied 
“The Santa Maria?” Carson looked at the ship in the bottle, “That was Christopher Columbus’ flagship in 1492 on his journey to the New World wasn’t it?”
“That’s right,” the craftsman nodded.
“I’ll take it,” Albion paid the craftsman 

He walked out of the store and on to the avenue
An elderly Hawaiian woman was at a stand selling coconuts 
The private eye looked at the coconuts but wasn’t hungry at the moment 
So he didn’t buy.

“A Banyan tree grows on the moon,” the coconut woman shouted after him.
“What?” Albion walked back to her.
“A Banyan tree grows on the moon,” she repeated.
“Oh, okay,” Albion figured that the woman had been adding too much rum to her coconut milk 
and decided to continue walking 

“What are you planning to do with that ship in a bottle that’s in your shopping bag?” The woman asked him.
Albion wondered how she knew there was a ship in a bottle in his shopping bag
However he answered, “I don’t know”.

“Here’s a small piece of Kapa cloth,” the woman handed him just that,
“Take this pen and write on it what I have told you, “A Banyan tree grows on the moon”. Then put the Kapa cloth with the message in the bottle alongside the ship and throw it in the ocean where the waves will carry it where it may.”

It was a strange request but Albion felt compelled to comply
That night as the Hawaiian moon shone bright on the shore and sands, he threw the bottle with the ship, Kapa cloth and message into the ocean.

It was a late March night in 2020
The streets of London were deserted because of the countrywide lockdown over the Coronavirus 
but Dracul Van Helsing had a paper signed by Boris Johnson
granting him permission to walk the streets
To rid the city of any evil nocturnal creatures 

As Dracul walked along the banks of the Thames
He noticed a small bottle floating close to the shore
The vampire hunter picked it up
It appeared to be very old 
And it almost had the appearance of having travelled all over the world 
How did it wind up here on the Thames? he wondered.

He looked inside the bottle 
He recognized the ship as being the Santa Maria
He pulled out the small piece of Kapa cloth and noticed the message on it

“A Banyan tree grows on the moon,” Dracul read aloud.

He went back to his London apartment 
Carrying the ship in the bottle and its message with him
He went inside the room he used as an office 
And saw this vision

“Who are you?” Dracul asked.

“I am Mahina the Hawaiian and Polynesian goddess of the moon”

The woman answered.

-A narrative poem 
and vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Sunday March 29th
2020.

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Trump Blasts “Two-Faced” Trudeau

December 4, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Spy Tales, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Trump Blasts “Two-Faced” Trudeau

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was sitting in a lounge in a London hotel and discussing the day’s NATO Summit events with his friends Mei-ling Manchu, Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

“So I see Donald Trump, while he was in a press conference meeting with Angela Merkel this morning,” Amadeus bit into his nut spread and sauerkraut sandwich, “said that Justin Trudeau was “two-faced”. What do you think of that description of the Canadian Prime Minister?”.

“Well, I suppose, since Justin Trudeau occasionally wears blackface,” Renfield answered, “Being “two-faced” might be an accurate description.”

“Doesn’t he also wear brown face and a turban when he’s pretending to be Aladdin’s genie?” Angelique Dumont inquired.

“And a green face when he’s pretending to be a Martian to impress giggling teen-aged pot smoking desert cactus girls?” Mei-ling Manchu added.

“I think Trump was angry because Justin Trudeau made fun of him in what the Canadian Prime Minister thought was a private conversation between himself, Boris Johnson, Emmanuel Macron and the Dutch Prime Minister at last night’s NATO banquet reception hosted by Her Majesty the Queen at Buckingham Palace, wasn’t he?” Amadeus downed his Earl Grey tea.

“Could be,” Renfield nodded, “although Set Enterprises’ secret agent Harvey Tallbanger reports that a man wearing blackface and a turban was seen walking on the terrace outside Melania Trump’s bedroom last night. And Harvey said Melania this morning left her room smiling like the Mona Lisa.”

“Like a moth to a flame eh?” Mei-ling quipped in reference to the U.S. First Lady’s fashion faux-pas at the Buckingham Palace reception last night.

“Speaking of flames, is the pot smoking desert cactus plant Strawberry Fields Forever going to be returned to Justin Trudeau?” Amadeus asked.

“Apparently not,” Renfield shook his head, “Set Enterprises is still worried about the threat posed to Strawberry Fields Forever’s life by Xi Jinping’s death edict written in medieval Imperial Mandaran – a scroll that Sydney Australia based billionaire Mr. Inn Lu was able to translate. And security on the Trudeau estate in Ottawa is pretty lax seeing as how it’s overseen by Sheriff Stonedwall Jackman the pot-smoking sheriff of the mystical hippy commune village of Calypso’s Bosom. Therefore Set Enterprises is moving Strawberry Fields Forever to the safety of a jazz cafe on the island of Spitsbergen. They don’t think that PRC Ministry of State Security operatives will want to freeze their asses off on an assassination mission in Spitsbergen.”

“From what I know of PRC Ministry of State Security operatives, that assessment is probably correct,” Mei-ling Manchu nodded.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday December 4th
2019.

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NATO Summit London

December 3, 2019 at 10:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

NATO Summit London

Donald Trump and French President Emmanuel Macron met and wrestled with one another.

Macron asked, “What’s the purpose of NATO? There is no purpose to NATO. The Cold War has been over for almost 30 years.”

Trump responded, “We have new enemies. China is the new enemy.”

The Donald mentioned this even as he was placing an order for Chinese food on his Huawei smart phone.

Then at 10 Downing Street, Boris Johnson hosted a dinner meeting with Emmanuel Macron, Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

Macron and Erdogan then got into a wrestling match over NATO.

“NATO is brain dead,” said Macron.

“On the contrary, you’re brain dead,” Erdogan responded, “for not knowing what a terrorist is.”

“What is a terrorist?” Angela Merkel asked as she applied pancake makeup and a maple syrup facial cream mask to her face.

“Anybody of Kurdish ancestry,” Erdogan answered as he held the French leader in a choke hold.

“Who am I going to wrestle with?” Angela Merkel asked Boris Johnson as Erdogan and Macron continued to wrestle with one another on the kitchen table knocking over plates and dishes.

Boris Johnson said he was going to step outside for a moment in an effort to avoid wrestling with Angela Merkel.

As Johnson stepped outside 10 Downing Street, a reporter asked him, “Mr. Johnson, how many children do you have?” which was a question the British Prime Minister was recently asked in a BBC TV interview.

“I don’t know how many children I have,” Johnson answered angrily which was the same response he gave the BBC interviewer.

“Now there’s a frightening thought,” the vampiress Mei-ling Manchu remarked to British MP Renfield R. Renfield as they were sitting in a 2nd floor office at 10 Downing Street, “Boris Johnson has done it so many times with different women, he doesn’t know how many children he’s had.”

“That is a frightening thought,” Renfield admitted as his hair started to stand on end.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday December 3rd
2019.

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Renfield Begins Re-Election Campaign

October 29, 2019 at 10:37 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Begins Re-Election Campaign 

By a margin of 438 votes to 20, the British House of Commons voted to approve Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s date for a UK national election to be held this coming December 12th.

This would pave the way for Britain’s first December election since 1923.

Johnson said the British public must be given a choice over the future of “Brexit and the country”.

As the vote took place, British MP Renfield R. Renfield the UK’s Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering sat on the benches eating a dozen Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches that he pulled out of a large bag prominently displaying the Chick-fil-A logo.

He also wore a t-shirt showing Lot’s wife turning into a pillar of salt when she turned back to look on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah.

The visual display at the moment of the historic vote lost him the endorsement of both Justin Trudeau and Barack Obama for his re-election campaign (not of course that Renfield was expecting their endorsements anyways).

Renfield also earned himself an excommunication from Pope Francis even though he wasn’t Catholic (but then again it could be argued neither was the Pope).

Renfield went home to the colossal West London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set where he lived while in London.

He noticed Set on the front lawn outside cutting up a large block of ice and what appeared to be a body inside the block of ice.

Renfield walked through the front door of the mansion where he informed his friend Amadeus Emanon that he would be renting a room in a Bed and Breakfast place in the town of Tewkesbury for the next couple of months as he fought his re-election campaign in his constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds.

Meanwhile London-based PIs Magog Rhys Petley and Agathor Christie were flying home from New York City to London.

They had just finished handing in a report to Lev Tomi the Secretary General of the UN Secretariat On The Environment and Climate Change on who were the groups and individuals responsible for starting the wild fires that raged through the Amazon rain forests this past summer.

Their investigation came to a sudden halt when they stumbled on a location where shaman priests and priestesses of Pachamama (who was the ancient Inca goddess of the earth and earthquakes) were sacrificing both llamas and humans to Pachamama.

Now that it looked like a UK general election would soon be held, the two private eyes mutually agreed to seek their old jobs as MPs.

For Agathor Christie who had been the British Conservative MP for Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds prior to the spring 2017 British election, this would mean defeating current British Transhumanist MP Renfield R. Renfield (who had beaten him back in spring 2017).

For Magog Rhys Petley who had been British Labour MP for the Welsh constituency of Newbridge prior to the spring 2017 election, this would mean defeating British Transhumanist MP Morgana Fay Lee who was a Welsh vampiress who had beaten him back in spring 2017.

The Welsh vampiress Morgana: the lovely little devil about to take on Welsh werewolf Magog Rhys Petley in the upcoming British general election.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday October 29th
2019.

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More of Renfield’s Hard Ball On Brexit

October 20, 2019 at 10:03 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

More of Renfield’s Hard Ball On Brexit

British MP Renfield R. Renfield was listening to BBC World News on the radio.

BBC Announcer: Meanwhile in Turkey, Turkish police are still looking for a beautiful Anglo-Indian woman who kicked Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan in the balls with her spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes this past Friday night…

Renfield smiled as he turned off the radio, “Glad to see Miranda delivered my message to Erdogan.”

“Undoubtedly a lot more effective than a singing telegram,” Amadeus Emanon had to admit, “so what have you got planned further in terms of domestic politics now that the international front has been covered?”.

“Well, of course, Conservative MP Sir Oliver Letwin has to be punished for bringing in that amendment in the Commons yesterday to withhold approval of the Johnson-Renfield Brexit deal until all the necessary legislation to implement it has been passed and to force the Prime Minister to write a letter to the EU requesting an extension to Brexit beyond the current October 31st deadline under the terms of the so-called Benn Act,” Renfield brought his Halloween vampire costume fangs out and put them in his mouth.

“Did Johnson send the letter?” Amadeus asked.

“He did,” Renfield nodded, “albeit without his signature. At my suggestion of course. He then sent a second letter- this one signed- explaining to the EU why he believed a Brexit delay beyond October 31st would be a mistake. Of course some bozo in the Opposition parties will probably take the whole thing up with the cannabis filled haggis eating Justices on the Scottish High Court claiming that Johnson violated the Benn Act.”

“I can see that happening,” Amadeus agreed.

“Am I the only one,” Renfield struck a freedom fighter pose, “who is able to see the fact that if the British Parliament can pass a law forcing the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom to write a letter against his will, they could pass a law forcing any British subject to write a letter against their will?”.

“You’re the only one who can see that,” Amadeus noted.

“Well, thank God I’m in Parliament then,” Renfield made the Sign of the Cross causing his vampire fangs to pop out.

“What have you got planned for Sir Oliver Letwin?” Amadeus asked.

“A double whammy,” Renfield smiled, “or should I say a triple whammy? Mulligan the Irish zombie will be singing outside Sir Oliver’s residence tonight songs from a never performed musical inspired by the incomprehensible prose to be found in Karl Marx’s lengthy and long winded tome Das Kapital. He will be accompanied by Pan Goatee’s younger brother the infamous kilt wearing Scottish satyr bagpiper Pan Deux playing the bagpipes as well as a loud speaker played recording of the moans and groans made by U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi while using a vibrator she confiscated from Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.”

Sir Oliver Letwin would undoubtedly think twice about trying to cross Renfield R. Renfield.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday October 20th
2019.

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Kurdish Dancers, Arabian Nights and No Turkish Delights

October 12, 2019 at 9:56 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Kurdish Dancers, Arabian Nights and No Turkish Delights

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson was about to have a phone call with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan regarding the Turkish invasion of northern Syria.

He decided to have Renfield R. Renfield his Deputy Foreign Secretary In Charge of Geopolitical Intelligence Gathering in the background during the call.

Renfield being Renfield would undoubtedly do or say something that would help pressure Erdogan during the phone call and encourage him to pull out of Turkey.

As Johnson began talking to Erdogan, Renfield began singing his own paraphrased version of the song Henry VIII an old time honoured British music hall song.

Renfield singing,

“I am Erdogan the last I am, I am,
I just gave syphilis to the neighbour next door,
I’ve given out syphilis several times before,
every dirty sperm is an Erdogan, 
ERDOGAN!
I’m Erdogan the last, I am, I am…”

“I hate the British!” Was Erdogan’s remark when he had finished the call with Johnson.

. . .

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman was in the kitchen of one of his palaces where the cooks were preparing bones and meat left over from the Prince’s various opponents who had encountered MbS’s janitorial maintenance cleaning crews throughout the world.

“All these dishes are being prepared for the right guest,” MbS proudly told the ghost of Lady MacBeth who served as his spirit advisor.

“I see more American troops are arriving in Saudi Arabia,” Lady MacBeth commented.

“Yes, rather splendid of Trump to pull his troops out of Syria and start sending his troops over here to the Kingdom,” MbS smiled.

“Nothing like stabbing the Kurds in the back,” remarked the ghost of Brutus (who had stabbed Julius Caesar) as he ran by while being chased by Cerberus after he had temporarily escaped from the Underworld.

. . .

Donald Trump was in a garden when he saw a beautiful brunette woman in an exquisite and lovely green evening dress dancing sensuously in the moonlight.

Trump looked around.

No sign of Melania or anyone else.

Trump smiled.

He walked towards the woman and decided to be his usual charming self in order to entice the woman to him.

“Birds do it, bees do it,” Trump began singing, “even dogs and trees do it…”

Trump approached the woman.

He decided to use that classic pick up line from the Peter Sellers movie There’s A Girl In My Soup, “My God, but you’re lovely…”

“I’m also Kurdish,” the woman with flashing dark eyes pulled a knife out from under her dress and stabbed him… in the front… a little due south.

Trump woke up in a sweat.

He suddenly thought he heard Middle Eastern music being played from the White House garden.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday October 12th
2019

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