Renfield In Israel

July 23, 2014 at 2:50 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield In Israel

Renfield flew his Boss’ private plane from London to Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv since U.S. and European commercial airlines suspended their flights there due to a Hamas rocket landing one mile away from the airport.

Renfield was to meet the Mossad agent called The Controller of The Golem.

He would then be taken to meet Ukrainian Vampiress Inna Hukulak who was in the protective custody of Mossad after she had been rescued by Israeli commandos from an FSB interrogation center in Moscow last month.

From Miss Hukulak, he would be given detailed information about Miss Hukulak’s personal arch-enemy the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB.

Miss Kireeva would then be the one to use to get close to Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Renfield’s meeting with the Controller of The Golem had been arranged by MI-6 Agent Diablos Nocturna.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday July 22nd
2014.

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Renfield Meets Diablos Nocturna In London

July 21, 2014 at 3:01 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Meets Diablos Nocturna In London

Renfield R. Renfield had gone to a fish and chips shop in central London to meet with an MI-6 agent called Diablos Nocturna who had contacted him and requested the meeting.

“You!” Renfield R. Renfield recognized the man as soon as he saw him.

For he had known the man prior to his becoming the MI-6 agent whose code name was Diablos Nocturna.

“Hello Renfield,” the man smiled at him.

“So you work for MI-6 now?” Renfield said as he picked up a menu.

“That’s right,” Diablos replied.

Later after both men had finished their fish and chips, they got down to discussing business.

They discussed the recent shooting down of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 over eastern Ukraine and the efforts by pro-Russian rebels in the region to sabotage a proper international investigation into the incident.

“Anyways,” Diablos Nocturna now spoke in the coded parlance of the language of international espionage, “certain parties have decided that it would probably be in the best interests of the world community at large if Russian President Vladimir Putin were to make a sudden and unexpected (for him!) departure from the world stage.”

“From the world stage?” Renfield perked up his ears.

“More specifically from this particular plane of existence,” Diablos added for clarification.

“Oh,” Renfield smiled as he was starting to get the drift of the conversation.

He was starting to feel like the Nicolas Cage character in the 2008 film Bangkok Dangerous.

Although of course Renfield would not be subject to the sudden pangs of conscience that the Nicolas Cage character was.

A fact of which MI-6’s Diablos Nocturna was aware.

“Anyhow there would be a great deal of money in it for you if you could help bring about Mr. Putin’s sudden and unexpected departure from the world stage and this plane of existence,” Diablos went on.

“How much money are we talking about?” Renfield sipped his tea.

Diablos Nocturna wrote the amount on a napkin and handed it to him.

Renfield swallowed his tea in one gulp as he gazed at the amount.

“All right I’ll do it,” Renfield dabbed his lips with another napkin and then put the napkin with the monetary figure written on it into his wallet.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday July 20th
2014.

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Radio News Reports and The Park Avenue Billionaire

April 23, 2014 at 7:25 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Radio News Reports and The Park Avenue Billionaire

The mysterious billionaire sat behind the dark curtains in his Park Avenue New York City penthouse apartment, drank Jasmine tea with a pinch of Arizona sagebrush and listened to the news on the radio.

“Russia will respond if its interests in Ukraine are attacked says Russia’s Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov…

U.S. President Barack Obama says that the U.S. will support Japan in its territorial dispute with China over the Senkaku Islands (called Diaoyu Islands by China) in the East China Sea under the terms of Article 5 of the U.S.-Japan Treaty of Mutual Co-Operation and Security… the U.S. ‘s mutual Defence pact with Japan…

South Korea has announced that North Korea may conduct a nuclear test during President Obama’s upcoming visit to the Korean Peninsula…

In the Palestinian territories, Hamas and Fatah have announced a reconciliation deal and will form a unity government in the upcoming weeks…

In response, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has called off further peace negotiations with the Palestinian Authority…

The first contingent of U.S. troops has entered Poland for joint military exercises with Poland in the midst of tensions with Russia over Ukraine…

In another incident, the Air Forces of the United Kingdom, the Netherlands and Denmark all scrambled their fighter jets after Russian military aircraft were spotted approaching their airspace…”

The Park Avenue billionaire gurgled happily as he sipped his tea…

All was definitely going according to plan.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 23rd
2014.

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Renfield and Amadeus Listen To BBC News Report From Jerusalem

April 12, 2014 at 7:25 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield and Amadeus Listen To BBC News Report From Jerusalem

Renfield R. Renfield and Amadeus Emanon were enjoying some chips and chip dip and watching BBC World News on the television in the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion.

“This news report just in,” the BBC World News anchorman intoned…

“I always enjoy the news more when Naga Munchetty is reading the news,” Renfield quipped.

“I’ve noticed that,” Amadeus stated.

“… The attempted machete attack on Mr. Miliband in the Old City of Jerusalem occurred in the midst of the British Labour Party leader’s 3-day visit to Israel and the West Bank,” said the anchorman.

“Someone tried to attack Ed Miliband?” Amadeus stopped in the middle of dipping his chip.

“The assailant captured on this mobile phone cam closely resembles Kermit the Frog as you can see…” the anchorman went on.

“Indeed, ’tis the very spitting image of Kermit,” Renfield said in somewhat theatrical fashion as he continued to enjoy his chips ‘n chip dip.

“Israeli police seemed unable to wrestle the machete wielding amphibian assailant to the ground,” the anchorman’s black hair started turning white as he spoke, “for they seemed to pass right through the body of Kermit as if he were a spirit.
The maniacal frog whose life of “it isn’t easy being green” was obviously getting to him ended up being stopped in his tracks when Interpol agent Peter Whitstable threw a vial of water at him…”

“Obviously Kermit feels the same way about water as W. C. Fields did,” Renfield sipped from a bottle of brandy.

“Peter Whitstable the man they call the Fox Mulder of Interpol later told a BBC reporter that the vial contained Holy Water personally blessed by Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI…”

“Well conservative Catholics who are upset with Pope Francis will be happy to hear that,” Renfield licked his lips as he fondly remembered the huge all beef patty cheeseburger he ate yesterday which was a Friday.

“I can’t believe Kermit the Frog turned out to be a homicidal maniac,” Amadeus wept, “one of my childhood heroes gone.”

“Yeah the trouble with childhood heroes,” Renfield belched as he started hitting a bottle of bourbon, “is they either die like Shirley Temple and Mickey Rooney or they end up homicidal maniacs like Kermit the Frog and Oscar Pistorius.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 12th
2014.

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Magog En Route To Russia

April 6, 2014 at 4:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Magog En Route To Russia

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley was flying a British Airways flight from London to Moscow.

He was on a secret diplomatic mission for the British government.

He was flying to Moscow to meet Russian President Vladimir Putin and ask him on behalf of the British government to withdraw his troops from the Ukraine-Russia border.

When asked to do this by British Prime Minister David Cameron and British Foreign Secretary William Hague, Rhys Petley asked the two gentlemen, “And what should I offer Putin in return if he does do this?”.

“Use your imagination,” Hague retorted over his cup of tea.

So Magog Rhys Petley was carrying in his wallet a personally autographed copy of the official Engagement photo of Sir Elton John and his future husband David Furnish who would be wed next month under the new laws allowing same sex marriage ceremonies in England and Wales which recently took effect.

Magog would give Putin the photo if he withdrew his troops from the Ukraine-Russia border.

Magog figured he owed the British government this favour.

After all the British government had intervened with the Irish government in Dublin and asked them to drop criminal charges and release the backbench British Labour MP when he was arrested during a Dublin police raid that took place in a Dublin brothel in the late evening hours of Saint Patrick’s Day.

Magog had gone to the brothel to cure his depression and anxiety attacks after he had witnessed a live Druidic human sacrifice ceremony that had taken place earlier that night near Blarney Castle.

Although the tea-toddling Dublin police sergeant who ordered the raid was immediately fired by his superiors for having the audacity to wreck Saint Patrick’s Day celebrations by doing so, Irish prosecutors decided they better prosecute those arrested in the raid.

A quick call from British Prime Minister David Cameron to Irish Taoiseach Enda Kenny (after Cameron had heard the shocking news of Rhys Petley’s arrest in a Dublin bordello) led to the charges against the Welsh MP being discreetly dropped and Magog being discreetly released.

British Labour Party leader Edward Miliband had severely reprimanded his backbench MP when he had returned to his Westminster offices.

“What were you thinking being arrested inside a Dublin bordello?”
Miliband had asked him, “Our London bordellos aren’t good enough for you?”.

And so now Magog was on his way to Moscow to ask Vladimir Putin to kindly remove his troops from the Ukraine-Russia border.

Magog took a quick sip of brandy.

He sure hoped dear Vladimir liked the photo of Sir Elton John and his fiancé David Furnish.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 6th
2014.

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Magog Rhys Petley On Saint David’s Day

March 1, 2014 at 8:30 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Magog Rhys Petley On Saint David’s Day

Welsh werewolf British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley woke up on a beach in Ireland.

He wasn’t quite sure how he got there.

The last thing he remembered was being swept down a stream in Wales during a ferocious rain and windstorm.

He must have swept across the Irish Sea somehow and landed here where a beautiful red- headed Irish girl was giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

He must admit he was enjoying it.

When she had finished, he looked at his waterproof watch which was still ticking and which had the calendar date on it.

Good Lord, the atheistic Marxist thought rather ironically, it was Saint David’s Day already.

Saint David’s Day.

March 1st.

Saint David.

The Patron Saint of Wales.

A lot of his constituents would be pissed that he didn’t show for his constituency’s Saint David’s Day celebration this year.

He wondered if it would cost him his seat at the next election.

How ironic that he a staunch atheistic Marxist-Leninist (one of the few still left in the British Labour Party) might be defeated at the next election because he failed to attend a celebration honouring Wales’ most important Christian Saint.

. . .

Where the Hell was Magog Rhys Petley? British Prime Minister David Cameron wondered.

Whenever his government needed to send someone on a covert delicate diplomatic mission, they sent Magog Rhys Petley because, since he was a backbench MP from the Opposition backbenches, if he failed, the government could wash its hands of the matter saying Magog was operating on his own private initiative.

On the other hand if he succeeded then British Prime Minister David Cameron could take credit as the genius statesman who rose above partisanship and sent someone from another party to undertake a delicate diplomatic mission because he Cameron recognized the man’s ability.

Of course Magog so far hadn’t shown any ability.

The delicate diplomatic missions the British government had sent Magog on to Syria and Egypt the past few years had all been unprecedented colossal disasters.

Now Cameron was anxious to send Magog to Moscow to tell Russian President Vladimir Putin not to invade Ukraine.

And Magog had been missing for over two weeks now.

. . .

Russian President Vladimir Putin had called the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva of the FSB to his office.

For the past 10 years ever since the Orange Revolution in Kiev Ukraine in the late autumn of 2004 when Viktor Yanukovych was toppled as President of Ukraine for the first time, the Russian Vampiress Svetlana Kireeva had been involved in a long running battle with Ukrainian Vampiress Inna Huculak of the Ukrainian Intelligence Service to see who would control Ukraine- Ukrainian nationalists or pro-Russian elements?

“Miss Kireeva,” President Putin looked directly at the Russian Vampiress, “I want you to do everything in your power to kill Inna Huculak once and for all.”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
on Saint David’s Day
Saturday March 1st
2014.

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The Musings of David Cameron

January 11, 2014 at 8:22 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Musings of David Cameron

British Prime Minister David Cameron thought back on the week he had.

A couple of days ago, he had had a disastrous meeting with a concert pianist- a man he thought was the Ukrainian Ambassador to London.

He hoped the man would be discreet at what he had learned regarding the United Kingdom’s agenda towards the countries that made up the former Soviet Union.

Now today he heard the news that former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon had died.

Cameron couldn’t help shaking off the feeling that Sharon’s death wasn’t a portent of something bigger to come.

He looked at his watch.

Now he had a meeting with a backbench member of the British Labour Party- the Welsh MP Magog Rhys Petley.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday January 11th
2014.

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Vampiress Morgana Visits Renfield

January 9, 2014 at 8:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Vampiress Morgana Visits Renfield

The Welsh Vampiress Morgana knocked on the knockers of the door of the colossal London mansion of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

She was dressed in the tight brown skirted uniform of a member of the North Korean Army’s Women’s Corps.

She had recently left North Korea where she had been for celebrations marking the 31st birthday of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un.

Renfield R. Renfield the genetically created shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set answered the door.

He was wearing a red velvet dressing robe and smoking a pipe.

He had been in the bathtub playing with his rubber ducky and making plans for the new political party he had just founded- The British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party.

“Rennie,” Morgana spoke to him in an out-of-breath voice, “we need to talk.”

. . .

Elton was walking on thin ground with his employers at Special Branch.

He had blown his last 10 assignments.

One more and he was out of his job with Special Branch.

His mission today was to stand at this street corner and wait for the Ukrainian Ambassador to London to walk towards him.

He was then to put the Ukrainian Ambassador into the waiting Rolls-Royce limousine which would then drive away to an undisclosed location where the Ambassador would have a top-secret meeting with British Prime Minister David Cameron to discuss the on-going political crisis in Ukraine.

Elton was wearing pink-framed and rose-coloured sunglasses like those worn by his mother’s idol Sir Elton John (for whom he was named).

As such he had forgotten his regular eyeglasses at home.

Walking down the street was Amadeus Emanon the genetically cloned and laboratory created personal concert pianist to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set (Amadeus had been cloned from the DNA of locks of hair from composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, California mass murderer Charles Manson and British actor Alan Rickman).

Amadeus just happened to be carrying a take-out dish of perogies and sour cream.

As soon as Elton caught the whiff of perogies and sour cream, he deduced that this must be the Ukrainian Ambassador and so immediately grabbed Amadeus and pushed him into the waiting Rolls-Royce limousine.

And so Amadeus was off- to an unexpected meeting with David Cameron the Prime Minister of Great Britain.

And Elton stood there on the street waving to the departing limousine- oblivious to the fact that he’d soon be out of a job.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 9th
2014.

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Rhyming Haiku About Guy Fawkes Day

November 5, 2013 at 6:33 pm (History, Poetry) (, , , , , , )

It’s Guy Fawkes Day

House of Commons still here 

so drink up your beer

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The Moving Statue

June 27, 2013 at 4:31 pm (Horror, Humour, Mystery, Mystery/horror, News, Poetry, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

As Pan Goatee serial killer slashed the fat ugly female cyclist to death

making sure the aesthetically facially challenged blimp was devoid of breath,

the statue of Neb-Senu

being from planet Nibiru

moved in its glass case in Manchester 

dancing like Jack Benny’s butler Rochester

in this museum inspired by the Muses nine 

spirit beings found it fine

especially entity Neb-Senu

when he moved from Park Avenue

when the Wall Street banker he did possess

lost an encounter with a bus in much distress

so it returned to its statuely home 

devoid of constantly ringing phone 

into the statuette donated in 1933 

the year Hitler took Germany 

and stamped it with his destiny 

a statue made about 1800 B.C. 

when desert devil gods roamed free 

and the Nile River took its star Sirius-ly

what rough beast?  Its hour come round at last 

stops at McDonald’s for breakfast? 

one slouching towards Bethlehem 

waiting to be born 

a statue that moves 

at blast of car horn.  

It eventually moves 180 degrees 

but moves even more 

at a patron’s sneeze.

 

-A poem written by Christopher 

 Wednesday afternoon 

 June 26th 2013

 inspired by reports 

 of a moving Egyptian statue 

 in a Manchester museum.

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