Renfield Takes On Communist Covid-1984 Tech Giants

November 6, 2020 at 11:36 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , )

It had been brought to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s attention that the social media tech giants were censoring, suspending and banning a whole bunch of people in the wake of the 2020 U.S. Presidential election.

“Future historians will look back and say,” Sir Winston Churchill’s ghost remarked to Renfield, “that they first started to impose the 21st Century variant of Communist totalitarianism in the virtual digital world before moving on to the real world.”

Orson Welles’ ghost drinking a spectral glass of spectral red wine agreed.

“Something must be done to stop this,” Renfield put on his dark sunglasses.

Renfield, who already had a YouTube account, opened a Facebook and Twitter account as well and started commenting on the Democrats’ crooked shenanigans in the recent 2020 U.S. Presidential election.

Sure enough he was permanently banned from both sites after having been a member for only a couple of hours.

YouTube following phone calls from Facebook, Twitter, George Soros, Pope Francis and Xi Jinping also permanently banned Renfield as well.

Renfield also received a nasty phone call from Russian President Vladimir Putin saying that Set Enterprises’ 6 foot 8 tall bunny rabbit secret agent Harvey Tallbanger injecting the Russian leader with a hemorrhoid inducing serum was the cause of the onset of his Parkinson’s Disease which would be forcing him to resign next year.

“Well so far you appear to be upsetting the Communist applecart more than Steve Bannon ever did,” Churchill’s ghost lit himself a cigar.

“Yes, Twitter and Facebook banned you only a couple of hours after you joined,” Welles’ ghost pointed out.

“And Twitter, Facebook and YouTube are going to unban me,” Renfield said.

Renfield borrowed Yaldabaoth’s pet pterodactyl from Yaldabaoth the Irish leprechaun.

The leprechaun was visiting London after recently returning from Sleepy Hollow of Headless Horseman fame.

The wee fellow with the huge drinking problem was visiting London because he hadn’t heard about the lockdown.

Sadly for him, there was no place to get a drink.

As for Renfield, he flew Yaldabaoth’s pet pterodactyl Hovering Voyeurius Over Raquelis Welchius (Hovering for short) to Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg’s home.

“You’re going to unban me from Facebook,” Renfield informed Zuckerberg.

“Like Hell I am,” Zuckerberg sneered.

Renfield finished his cup of chai tea and put it on the counter of Zuckerberg’s kitchen.

“Hey, you’re not practicing social distancing,” Zuckerberg screamed as Renfield placed the Facebook CEO’s testicles into a vise which the British MP proceeded to tighten.

Within minutes, Zuckerberg had agreed to permanently unban Renfield from Facebook.

Next Renfield flew the pterodactyl named Hovering (for short) to Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey’s house.

Within a few minutes of having his own testicles firmly ensconsed in the grip of Renfield’s vise, the Twitter CEO likewise agreed to permanently unban Renfield from Twitter.

Once again in the air flying upon the pterodactyl Hovering, Renfield, as he ate a bowl of take out chop suey with chopsticks, mused to himself, “For some reason, I’m reminded of something the late former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon once said, “If you’ve got a man by the balls, his heart and mind is sure to follow.” And coming up next is YouTube CEO..”.

Renfield noticed he had a problem.

YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki was a woman.

This called for a different sort of approach.

Notorious Australian drag queen Uncle Ernie found himself being abducted in a non-social distancing bath house in Sydney by a group of Norse Valkyries who owed Renfield a favour.

Uncle Ernie then was made to perform his Drag Queen show in front of YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki.

“All right, all right,” Ms. Wojcicki screamed after a few minutes of Uncle Ernie riding his toy horsie and singing Home On The Range, “You’re unbanned.”

“Unbanned? Well, I must say this is certainly a first for me,” Uncle Ernie commented.

“Not you, you imbecile who would probably fail at an audition for the role of Charley’s Aunt in the Brandon Thomas play,” Ms. Wojcicki raged and foamed, “Renfield is permanently unbanned from YouTube. Only please get this freak out of here.”

Susan Wojcicki pointed at Uncle Ernie.

“But,” Uncle Ernie protested as he was carried away by a group of winged Valkyries, “It’s not only Brazil where all the nuts come from.”

The Renfieldian War against Covid-1984 Communism had begun.

The first shots were fired not at Fort Sumter.

But at Uncle Ernie’s backside by sling shot carrying neighbourhood schoolchildren as the notorious Australian drag queen and uncertified pharmaceutical manufacturer flew overhead being carried in the arms of Valkyries.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday November 6th
2020.

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Renfield Rescued By Norse Valkyrie and Then Discusses Putin With Churchill’s Ghost

March 6, 2018 at 11:50 pm (Detective story, Espionage, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Espionage, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield Rescued By Norse Valkyrie and Then Discusses Putin With Churchill’s Ghost

Last night Sir Renfield R. Renfield MP had been saved from drowning in the Thames River by the Norse Valkyrie Svipul who had been flying overhead at the time.

Mr. Renfield had found himself caught up in an avalanche of snow and a wave of rainwater while singing badly performed renditions of old Rod Stewart and Glen Campbell songs.

The combined avalanche/wave pushed Mr. Renfield into the icy Thames River where Mr. Renfield could not extricate himself from such a predicament unless he was wearing a pair of snow flippers which he wasn’t (namely because such an unusual pair of foot apparel – a combination of snow shoes and scuba flippers- hasn’t been invented yet).

Fortunately for Mr. Renfield, the Norse Valkyrie Svipul had been flying overhead at the time.

Also fortunately for Mr. Renfield, the Norse Valkyrie Svipul did not recognize him as the individual who had butchered the lyrics and melody of the Liebestod from Richard Wagner’s opera Tristan und Isolde while performing a filibuster on a Brexit bill in the Westminster House of Commons a couple of months earlier.

Otherwise she’d have probably let the shapeshifting hamster/human British Transhumanist MP drown.

Mr. Renfield was much warmer now having put on a dry pair of clothes and also having received a thorough bottom blistering spanking from the Norse Valkyrie Svipul (who it turns out was a good dominatrix friend of the immortal dominatrix Sherrielock Holmes).

Mr. Renfield was now seated in his parliamentary office on an extra extra extra comfortable cushion on his chair at his desk seated across from the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill.

“So according to the Foreign Secretary Mr. Johnson’s speech in the Commons earlier today,” Churchill sipped on his ghostly brandy, “a certain foreign power may be responsible for the unknown substance attack on former Russian spy Sergei Skripal and his daughter Yulia Skripal in what is now being called the Salisbury Incident.”

“Yes,” Renfield nodded, “the Russians will probably stonewall high enough around Salisbury that they’ll erect a Russian Stonehenge to match the Druidic one.”

“No doubt the invisible hand of Mr. Putin is behind this,” Churchill rubbed his ghostly chin thoughtfully with his ghostly fingers.

“Undoubtedly,” Renfield sipped his non-ghostly and definitely non-ghastly brandy.

“If these ghastly events continue,” Churchill bit his ghostly lip, “Vladimir Putin may have to be bumped off.”

“Yes, I’ll probably have to bump Vladimir Putin off,” Renfield agreed as he accepted the Raymond Red Reddington Award that had been given him by an admiring fellow blogger.

“Well,” Churchill peered at Renfield over his ghostly spectacles 👓, “If any person in the world is capable of bumping off the notorious Mr. Putin, it would be you, Mr. Renfield.”

“Well, it certainly wouldn’t be Donald Trump,” Renfield agreed.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 6th
2018.

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Pan Goatee On The Temple Mount

July 13, 2015 at 8:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee On The Temple Mount

Pan Goatee stood on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

He took out his reed pipes and started playing the melody of the Hitler Youth Movement.

Standing next to him was the German siren Lorelei dressed in a short skirted German Valkyrie warrioress outfit designed for her by Cosplay fashion designer Yaya Han.

As Pan Goatee played on his reed pipes, the Valkyrie siren Lorelei sang,

… “But somewhere a glory awaits unseen
Tomorrow belongs to me…”

… “The morning will come when the world is mine
Tomorrow belongs to me…”

A severed charcoal burnt Black Hand kept time to the music by tapping the pavement on the ground with his fingers at the top of the Temple Mount.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday July 13th
2015.

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