Justin Trudeau and Gali-Gula Discuss Bimbo Eruptions

April 6, 2017 at 6:22 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Humour, News, Politics, Satire, Science-Fiction, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau gave a long exhale.

“I wonder what the fun is in smoking this if you don’t inhale,” Justin Trudeau was recalling a peculiar statement that then Presidential candidate Bill Clinton had made back in the 1992 U.S. Presidential election.

“Hello, Prime Minister,” an unclothed and completely nude ET gray greeted him.

“Good God, Gali-Gula,” Justin choked on his joint, “why is it that I only see you when I’m smoking marijuana?”.

“I have no idea, Prime Minister,” Gali-Gula shrugged, “how have you been doing?”.

“Well, these days some people claim that I’m prone to making bimbo eruptions,” Justin remarked angrily.

“What’s a bimbo eruption?” asked Gali-Gula.

“It’s making an outrageously stupid statement and one that comes out of nowhere,” Justin said.

“I don’t think I’m familiar with bimbo eruptions,” Gali-Gula went to the refrigerator and helped himself to a can of Molson Canadian beer which he had first tried on his dominatrix whipped rear end a year ago.

Justin noticed for the first time that the nude ET gray had no genitalia.

“Say,” Justin asked, “is it easier to pee without genitalia?”.

“That’s an awfully stupid question,” the ET gray answered as he opened up the can of Molson Canadian and was immediately sprayed with foam.

“Sorry, I apologize,” the volcanically active bimbo eruptive Prime Minister apologized.

“I didn’t know you were prone to bimbo eruptions,” Gali-Gula drank the beer.

“Neither was I. I thought it was only something that blonde females were prone to,” said the self-proclaimed feminist Mr. Trudeau.

There was a knock at the door which immediately opened.

Gali-Gula dropped the beer and vanished.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you while you were having a one-man party, Prime Minister,” the aide noticed the spilled can of beer on the floor and the joint of pot in Trudeau’s hand, “but President Trump is on Line 1.”

Justin walked over to the phone and picked it up, “Hello, Mr. President?”.

Trump replied, “Hello Justin. Great talking to you. In lieu of what just happened in Syria, I wanted to ask you, what do you know about the after effects of using chemicals?”.

Justin Trudeau looked out the window with pot in hand and noticed a UFO spaceship flying away.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday April 5th
2017.

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The Ayatollah and The Satanic Verses

April 2, 2017 at 3:48 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

It was February 14th 1989.

Saint Valentine’s Day.

Although Valentine’s Day was not officially celebrated in the despotic theocratic state that was the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini’s Islamic Republic of Iran in 1989.

A cleric knocked on the door of the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini’s room.

“Just a minute,” the Ayatollah Khomeini hid the copy of the decadent western Playboy magazine (November 1976 issue with playmate Patti McGuire on the cover and the lustful heart opening interview with Jimmy Carter that the Ayatollah never once got around to reading) under his mattress and quickly reached for his copy of the Quran (which was more than an arm’s reach away).

“Come in,” the Ayatollah quickly pulled up his robes.

“Your eminence,” the cleric bowed, “our school of imams have just finished reading that book The Satanic Verses by the infidel apostate Salman Rushdie. They have been forced to render and tear their clothes at such blasphemy. While they await delivery of fresh clothes from our exclusive tailor shop in downtown Tehran which as you know is quite the distance by camel from our Holy City of Qom…”

“Why don’t the idiots just send the clothes by taxi?” The Ayatollah inquired.

“Of course, your Eminence, we’ll do that,” the cleric bowed again, “they’re wondering what should be done about the said infidel apostate Salman Rushdie?”.

“What does Rushdie say exactly?” The Ayatollah reached for a wet towel to wipe his hands.

“He mentions that our Prophet (peace be upon him) succumbed to the temptations of Satan and put in the original edition of the Quran that Allah had 3 daughters al-Lat, al-Uzza and Manat and that it is perfectly acceptable to pray to them the 3 daughters of Allah. Of course our Prophet (peace be upon him) repented and removed these verses from the Quran (found in an-Najm 53: 19-22),” the cleric trembled.

“He mentions this?” The Ayatollah raised one of his satanically Mephistopheles black eyebrows.

Ayatollah Khomeini

“Yes, your Eminence,” the cleric bowed again.

“Blasphemy,” the Ayatollah rents his robes that had been covered in a sticky creamy white substance, “I issue a fatwa (death sentence) on the blaspheming apostate Rushdie’s head.”

A few days later in London, England, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was reading in The Times of London about the Ayatollah Khomein’s Valentine’s Day fatwa on Salman Rushdie author of The Satanic Verses.

“The 3 daughters mentioned in The Satanic Verses… al-Lat, al-Uzza and Manat?” The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set rubbed his chin, “I remember them from the days when I visited the Arabian peninsula millenia ago. They were the most delightful vampiresses. In fact, al-Lat, she was called Lilith in ancient Babylon and the Babylonian Talmud. In fact, she rescued me from that dungeon in Cairo back in 1939 where I was held by British commandos so I wouldn’t object at the wedding of Her Highness Princess Fawzia Fuad of Egypt to Crown Prince Mohammad Reza Pahlavi of Iran. Although as it turns out an Islamic wedding ceremony doesn’t have that Church of England Book of Common Prayer bit about “If any man (or vampire) knoweth of any reasons why these two may not be wed, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday April 2nd
2017.

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Vampire Set and Princess Fawzia Fuad of Egypt

April 1, 2017 at 3:35 pm (Espionage, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Egyptian vampire Set had returned to Egypt in 1938.

It had been 20 years since he had left Egypt- his tomb having been dug up in November 1918 and his having hopped aboard a ship to England at Alexandria in December 1918.

He noticed since his 1938 return to Egypt that he was naturally being followed around the country by two British Intelligence agents who had been following him now for quite a number of years- Henry Armstrong and Thomas Tennyson.

He gathered that the two intelligence agents were in close contact with a British MP who didn’t seem to like him- Winston Churchill.

Set wondered whether Churchill’s enmity was due to the Egyptian vampire’s friendship with Germany’s Fuhrer Adolf Hitler.

While in Egypt, Set fell in love with a 16-year-old Egyptian girl Princess Fawzia Fuad of Egypt the daughter of Egypt’s king Fuad I.

But while Sol Invictus Set was showing her many a hot night in Cairo and Alexandria, plans were being made for the Princess’ engagement to Iran’s Crown Prince Mohammad Reza Pahlavi. The Crown Prince’s father Reza Shah Pahlavi favoured the marriage in that it united a Sunni royal the Egyptian princess with a Shia royal the Iranian Crown Prince.

The Royal couple’s engagement was announced in May 1938.

Set, never one for observing rules or protocol, continued to see the princess.

A group of British commandos captured and imprisoned Set so that Princess Fawzia Fuad of Egypt could marry Crown Prince Mohammad Reza Pahlavi of Iran at Abdeen Palace in Cairo on March 15th 1939- a marriage that was approved of by Set’s sister the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis.

While Set was being held at an underground dungeon in Cairo, an owl appeared at his dungeon window one moonlit night.

The owl was in reality the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith who had shapeshifted into an owl.

“Do you need some help?” The owl asked in a hooting manner.

“Yes, fly to Berlin and tell my friend Adolf to get me out of here,” Set pleaded.

The owl did just that.

A surprise Nazi commando raid rescued Mr. Sol Invictus Set.

Set flew to Tehran where he showed up at the Marble Palace in Tehran and asked the new Queen of Iran Fawzia Fuad to sail away to a Caribbean island with him.
Princess Fawzia Fuad

Queen Fawzia refused citing an allergy to coconut milk.

Set bitterly said to Fawzia before he left, “Your marriage won’t last.”

He was right.

Fawzia left Iran and moved back to Cairo in May 1945 and obtained an Egyptian divorce. Her official Iranian divorce came through on November 17th, 1948.

Set having left Iran in April of 1939 went back to London and drowned his sorrows in Caribbean rum and coconut milk.

Crown Prince Mohammad Reza Pahlavi who became King of Iran in September 1941 (and was later to declare himself Emperor or King of Kings of the country on October 26th 1967) enjoyed a great continuing friendship with the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis as well as one of Isis’ great friends the Luciferian satanist David Rockefeller.

Sol Invictus Set who was a satanic satanist (as opposed to the wishy washy luciferian satanists like his sister Isis, esteemed banker David Rockefeller, billionaire businessman George Soros and the Clintons Bill and Hillary) got his revenge on the Shah by arranging his overthrow through the help of a satanic satanist Shia clergyman the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini who attained power in Tehran in February 1979.

Sol Invictus Set was later convinced by one of his employees Renfield R. Renfield to abandon support for the Islamic Republic of Iran and support the Israelis instead.

Set still continued to oppose Arab Spring groups who were backed by Osiris and Isis’ luciferian satanist elites within the U.S. and Western Europe.

As for Princess Fawzia Fuad, she died in Cairo Egypt on July 2nd 2013.

Set never bothered attending her funeral as this would have interrupted a scheduled golf game he had with British Prime Minister David Cameron.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 1st
2017.

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Dashwood Forrest and Pan Goatee In Calgary

March 29, 2017 at 5:30 pm (Commentary, Culture, Folklore, Horror, Mythology, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“What a place totally devoid of culture,” Dashwood Forrest the Oscar Wilde of the 21st Century said to his Undead butler and valet Mulligan the Irish zombie.

“I’d have to agree,” Mulligan the Irish zombie remarked. He had only spent less than 24 hours in the city and he was already forgetting how to recite Irish ballads and poetry.

“I imagine if one were looking for culture and learning in Calgary, one would probably only find it among certain people living in homeless shelters in a city such as this,” Dashwood Forrest sipped on his chocolate milkshake.

“I’d have to agree,” Mulligan the Irish zombie nodded, “and what extremely ugly women seem to live in this city. I’ve never seen such fat ugly looking specimens.”

Mulligan the Undead promptly died again as he looked out the window and saw the walking specimens of ghastly horror.

Mulligan’s last words before dying a second time were, “Genesis 6 would have never happened had the angels landed in Calgary instead of the Middle East. There would have been no rise of the Nephilim because the sons of God would not have found the daughters of men attractive.”

“Truer last words were never spoken, Mulligan,” Forrest acknowledged, “with the possible exception of Oscar Wilde’s last words spoken in his room, “Either that wallpaper goes or I do.” It’s amazing how unattractive interior decorating can lead to deaths of great geniuses. To say nothing of how unattractive exterior decorating can lead to the death of one’s valet.”

Dashwood Forrest thought of calling South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo on his mobile phone and get him to chant a spell to bring Mulligan back from the dead.

He thought he’d wait a while however until they had left Calgary.

Forrest was in a quandary however. Even though he was gay, the site of such repulsive ugly looking members of the opposite sex waddling around and fender bumping their broomsticks in public was enough to kill one’s libido faster than taking a cold shower in a U.S. Army barracks.

Forrest removed a classical ancient Greek olive oil lamp from his jacket pocket.

The lamp had been a gift from his good friend Ivanka Trump for favours rendered.

If he remembered his Arabian Nights folklore correctly, Aladdin used a magic lamp to summon a genie.

Maybe he could rub this lamp and summon a genie to bump off all these ugly women.

Dashwood Forrest rubbed the lamp.

Pan Goatee appeared.

“How the Hell did I get from an Orson Welles repertory film festival in Washington D.C. (where strangely enough I was the only one in the theatre) to a milk shake bar in what looks to be the city of Calgary- the city of gay cowboys- not surprising given the overall unattractiveness of the women here,” the genetically created satyr serial killer scratched his head.

“I do most humbly apologize, my good man,” Dashwood Forrest bowed, “or rather my good satyr, I was hoping to summon a genie but you’ll do. I was wondering if you could slay these ugly women for me.”

“Happy to oblige,” Pan Goatee took out his astrally projected laser machete and walked out the door where he proceeded to behead ugly women left, right and center.

Pan Goatee’s aesthetically oriented mercy killing actions led to Mulligan the Irish Zombie coming back from the dead.

“Why did we come to Calgary anyways?” Mulligan asked Dashwood Forrest.

“To see Lake Louise in the Blue Canadian Rockies to celebrate Dame Vera Lynn’s 100th Birthday earlier this month,” Dashwood Forrest explained.

“Then let’s go see Lake Louise and go,” Mulligan pleaded.

“An excellent idea,” Forrest said, “go outside and hail a taxi for us, will you?”.

As the Michael Jackson song Thriller played in the background on the old milkshake bar diner’s jukebox, Mulligan the Irish zombie ran outside and did just that.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 29th
2017.

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Osiris, Isis and Pope Francis

March 25, 2017 at 3:36 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , )

“Guess who I had dinner with last night?” The Rome-based Egyptian vampire Osiris asked his wife the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis.

“With Pope Francis?” Isis dipped a silver spoon into her dish of Black Sea caviar as she sat in her apartment with a panoramic view of the Eiffel Tower.

“Oh shoot, I was hoping that would have been a surprise,” Osiris wiped the Eggs Florentine off his face as he sat in his apartment with a panoramic view of the Colosseum.

“I read about it in Renfield R. Renfield’s online newsletter,” Isis checked her iPad.

“That bastard who’s Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for our London-based evil brother Set?” Osiris spit out his freshly squeezed orange juice, “I think he must have wiretapped my phone.”

“He did,” Isis sipped her champagne, “he mentioned it in his newsletter a few weeks ago.”

“I should get an email subscription to that,” Osiris ate his toast.

“You should,” Isis put caviar on her bagel, “so how was the dinner with Pope Francis and the EU heads of state and government?”.

“It was wonderful,” Osiris’ smile was as bright as that of the Sun god Ra, “that Francis is a very ecumenical guy. He invited me to place a statue of myself in Saint Peter’s Basilica. Since last night was the eve of the 60th Anniversary of the signing of the Treaty of Rome which laid the groundwork for today’s European Union, he also called on a new vision for Europe to combat the evil populism that has overtaken Europe in the wake of Brexit and Donald Trump’s U.S. victory.”

“And I hope that new vision for Europe that Pope Francis sees is an ancient Egyptian vision as conceived by us centuries ago,” Isis walked over to the window and noticed a Kraken crawling up the Eiffel Tower.

“The very same,” Osiris looked out the window and noticed an ET gray emerging out of a spaceship atop Rome’s Colosseum.

At that moment, Isis got a text message on her phone sent to her by her disembodied son Horus.

“I have become incarnate again,” Horus gave his mother Isis the cheerful news, “I will be born in 9 months time.”

“Holy cow,” Renfield who had been eavesdropping on Isis and Osiris’ conversation knocked over his glass of milk.

Amadeus Emanon who immediately started crying over the spilled milk wept, “Actually I think Horus would be a holy falcon. Hathor was the holy cow in ancient Egyptian religion.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday March 25th
2017.

Vampiress Isis
Paris-based Egyptian Vampiress Isis: Hoping that the new vision for Europe will be an ancient Egyptian vision conceived millenia ago by Isis and Osiris.

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Renfield’s North Korean Alarm Clock Smashed

March 24, 2017 at 3:49 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Amadeus Emanon happened to walk by Renfield R. Renfield’s bedroom.

He looked in and noticed Renfield R. Renfield’s new alarm clock had been totally smashed.

“What happened to your cheap new North Korean alarm clock?” asked Amadeus.

“I smashed it to smithereens,” Renfield replied downing a 24 ounce bottle of vodka in a single gulp.

“Why?” asked Amadeus.

“I blame it for this past Wednesday’s terrorist attack outside Parliament at Westminster,” Renfield opened a second 24 ounce bottle of vodka and polished it off with the same speed as the first.

“How was the North Korean alarm clock you purchased from a Hyde Park peddler this past Tuesday responsible for the infamous Westminster terrorist attack the next day?” Amadeus opened his lunch bag and started eating a chocolate eclair.

“Because when the alarm struck 9 AM (which was the time I set it to) this past Wednesday and the figure of Kim Jong-un came out of the clock saying, “Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! I am cuckoo!” and the figure of Kim Jong-un smashed his ICBM shaped hammer on my head to wake me up, instead of waking me up immediately, it rendered me unconscious for the next several hours,” Renfield opened a third 24 ounce bottle of vodka and downed it with the same speed as his first two.

“So how was that responsible for the terrorist attack outside Parliament?” Amadeus took out his jumbo hot dog (smothered in mustard and fried onions and relish and ketchup) from his lunch bag and began eating it.

“Because if I had woken up at the time I wanted to, I’d have probably been walking across the Westminster Bridge at the time and I could have blown the bastard away to kingdom come with one of the numerous concealed weapons I carry on my person as I’m out walking,” Renfield downed his 4th 24 ounce bottle of vodka.

“Would you have been able to stop a speeding vehicle?” Amadeus bit his way into a blueberry filled turnover

“With my anti-tank rocket launcher I could have,” Renfield belched as he opened up his 5th 24 ounce bottle of vodka.

“You carry an anti-tank rocket launcher with you under your raincoat?” Amadeus removed a pot of chili con carne from his lunch bag and started eating it.

“That’s why I’m always getting dates with female porn stars,” Renfield grinned, “they think I’m the new Ron Jeremy.”

Renfield downed his 6th 24 ounce bottle of vodka and then passed out.

“Well I hope there isn’t a terrorist attack tonight,” Amadeus removed a rather sticky cheese fondue from his lunch bag, “the Boss (referring to the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set) will be rather pissed off if Renfield starts smashing his prized collection of 24 ounce bottles of vodka blaming them for the latest Renfieldian inability to stop a terrorist attack in the UK.”

“Not much chance of that, sir,” Athelstan the butler and valet removed Renfied’s drunken body from the hallway carpet and threw it in the shapeshifting hamster/human’s bed room, “Renfield would most likely filter the vodka through his kidneys first and then start pissing it down the drain.”

“Where have all the porn stars gone? Gone out of my hot tub every one,” Renfield started singing from the bed room, “I shouldn’t have brought an electric battery into the tub with me. When will I ever learn? When will I ever learn?”.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday March 24th
2017.

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Feast of The Beast 2017

March 23, 2017 at 6:06 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Horror, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Inspector Depp of Scotland Yard showed Peter Whitstable (the man they called the Fox Mulder of Interpol) the video that had been shot in England’s Sherwood Forest in the early morning hours of the day.

“These men of course were involved in an illegal out of season hunt for which they’ll be charged- those who are still alive that is,” Depp explained, “but look what happens in the video.”

The hunters encounter a stag.

As the men raised their rifles, the stag stands up on its hind legs and in its forearms it carries a crossbow which it fires with lightning speed.

The arrows immediately kill 11 of the 13 huntsmen and leave the other two wounded.

“Who filmed the video?” Whitstable asked.

“Good question,” said Depp, “we have no idea. The video was left at the scene after a mysterious phone call to local police.”

“Interesting,” Whitstable looked at the video again.

“With your investigation of the unusual and the preternatural, have you ever encountered such a phenomenon?” Depp asked, “A stag firing a crossbow with rapid fire arrows (faster than bullets) at a group of hunters?”.

“I’ve heard rumours of it,” said Whitstable, “and from a painting I once saw in the Vatican Archives that dates back to the 15th Century, I believe I know who the stag is.”

“A 15th Century painting in the Vatican Archives lets you know who this stag is?” Depp was incredulous.

“It’s Cernunnos the horned Celtic god of animals and the underworld,” Whitstable explained.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday March 23rd
2017.

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Kim Jong-un and The Deity Behind The VX Nerve Agent

March 22, 2017 at 4:35 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

U.S. President Donald Trump was hard at work in the Oval Office.

He was busy tweeting, “@realDonaldTrump Barack Obama not only wiretapped me. He also used drones to spray my hair and change my hair colour so people would think I’m wearing a toupee.”

An aide entered his office, “Mr. President, we’ve found out who’s been manufacturing VX nerve agent for Kim Jong-un. The same VX nerve agent that was used in the assassination of the despot’s half-brother Kim Jong-nam at Kuala Lumpur International Airport in Malaysia.”

President Trump responded, “This is probably a good thing that you’ve found out who’s responsible.”

Meanwhile at the Presidential Palace in Pyongyang, North Korea, KIm Jong-un addressed the Greek deity Hephaestus (known to the Ancient Romans as Vulcan), “Well, Heph baby… say I hope you don’t mind me calling you Heph… I rather like the name Hef… reminds me of Playboy bunnies for some reason… anyhow I just used the VX nerve agent you’ve been making for me to exterminate the incompetents who’ve been in charge of my missile development program. All these missile launch failures start to get embarrassing after a while. Leaves me with egg on my face. I’ve often killed my top chefs and waiters at the palace here for the same reason.”

“Heph is all right,” the Greek god of fire and the forge responded.

“Anyhow after I watched them die from my window while I was enjoying my breakfast of scrambled eggs and egg foo yung, the thought occurred to me maybe I should get you to forge my missiles for me,” Kim Jong-un smiled like a beatific Buddha.

“That can be arranged,” said Hephaestus, “but I’m going to need an awfully big forge.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday March 22nd
2017.

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The World Has Lost A Great Illuminati Satanist

March 21, 2017 at 2:56 pm (Biographical, Geopolitics and International Relations, News, Obituaries, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The World Has Lost A Great Illuminati Satanist
David Rockefeller

David Rockefeller founder of the Trilateral Commission kicks the bucket at age 101.
Hopefully they’ll remember to bury him face downwards so that he can see where he’s going.

“I see,” Amadeus Emanon spoke while eating toast with butter and jam, “that they’ve got a different sort of obituary for David Rockefeller in the International Federation of Vampire Hunters daily newspaper.”

“I noticed that,” Renfield R. Renfield commented as he fantasized about Ivanka Trump and Scarlett Johannson wrestling with one another in a wrestling ring with both women wearing evening dresses slit up the side and shiny nylon clad spiked stiletto high-heeled legs wrapped around one another’s throat.

“Well, you’re obviously not too upset by David Rockefeller’s death,” Amadeus commented as he noticed the huge broad ecstatic smile on Renfield’s face.

-An obituary written
by Gregorio Palamas
President of the
International Federation
of Vampire Hunters
Athens, Greece
March 21st
2017.

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Aztec Vampiress Qonzilqointec Meets Abraham Lincoln

March 19, 2017 at 3:27 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

President Abraham Lincoln stopped when he opened his bedroom door and noticed a beautiful woman standing there.

The President was taken aback.

What would his wife Mary have to say about this?

“Um…” Lincoln decided to be diplomatic, “who are you?”.

“I am the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec,” the woman replied.

“I see,” Lincoln thought the woman must be crazy.

When she suddenly turned into a bat and flew around the room, Lincoln then decided there must be something to the woman’s story.

She turned back into a beautiful woman again.

“What do you want?” Lincoln asked.

“To thank you for opposing the Mexican-American War as a Congressman from Illinois,” she said.

“Well, you’re welcome,” Lincoln smiled.

“And for doing what you can to help Juarez against the French and the Hapsburg Emperor of Mexico Maximilian despite the fact that you’re fighting a civil war of your own,” Qonzilqointec smiled at him.

“Again you’re welcome,” Lincoln bowed.

“It’s that bitch the Egyptian vampiress Isis who’s behind the French Emperor Napoleon III and all his plans for dominating the world,” Qonzilqointec seethed.

“I did not know that,” Lincoln had to admit.

Qonzilqointec smiled, “Did you know that the Transylvanian Count Dracula is a big supporter of Confederate President Jefferson Davis?”.

Lincoln was really taken aback by that last remark.

“That,” the President said, “I definitely did not know.”

“Although,” Qonzilqointec laughed showing her pearly white teeth and incisors, “for the wrong reasons. He had heard that Jefferson Davis is an alumnus of Transylvania University totally oblivious to the fact that the Transylvania University that Jefferson Davis attended is a private university in Lexington Kentucky founded back in 1780.”

“I guess it pays to have a knowledge of history and geography,” Lincoln reflected, “even for vampires.”

“It does,” Qonzilqointec agreed.

“What are you doing here?” Lincoln asked

“I’m here to turn you into a vampire,” Qonzilqointec stepped towards him.

Lincoln stepped back.

“Only if you’d like,” Qonzilqointec stopped her approach, “You’re a great man. It would be a good thing if you could live forever.”

“I have no desire to live the life of a vampiric existence,” said Lincoln.

“Very well,” Qonzilqointec looked sad.

She bowed and left the room.

A few minutes later, Lincoln’s wife Mary Todd Lincoln entered the room.

“I hope you remember we’re going to see that play Our American Cousin at Ford’s Theatre on Friday.” Mary looked stern.

“Yes, dear,” Lincoln nodded, “I remember.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday March 19th
2017

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