Harvey Tallbanger Meets Egyptian Vampiress On The Eiffel Tower
Harvey Tallbanger Meets Egyptian Vampiress On The Eiffel Tower
After a successful month of intelligence gathering for the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set this past June, Set Enterprises’ secret agent and spy the 6 foot 8 invisible Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger was taking some much needed r and r.
He decided to go to Paris the City of Lights for a few days as he was quite fond of the city.
Tonight he was having dinner atop the Eiffel Tower in a very lovely restaurant located there.
He was enjoying a glass of champagne when he was suddenly spotted by the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis:
Isis with drink and iPhone and elegant watch in hand approached the tall bunny rabbit who was clearly visible on this lovely and enchanting Parisienne evening having turned his Dr. Cadbury Rocher prototype ViewMaster on (which made him visible).
“So you’re Harvey Tallbanger the world’s most famous bunny rabbit secret agent?” Isis sat across from him.
“I am,” Tallbanger bowed, “and you are?”.
“I am the Vampiress Isis,” the beautiful vampiress answered, “your boss Set’s rival, arch enemy, sister and sister-in-law.”
“Yes, I heard my boss had a falling out with your side of the family,” Tallbanger sipped his champagne, “I hear you and his brother (your husband) Osiris and his nephew (your son) Horus have it in for him.”
“And with justifiable reasons,” Isis flashed her vampiric incisors.
“What big teeth you have,” Harvey recalled lines from his favourite fairy tale, “I regrettably do not have a family to fight with as I was genetically created in Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s lab at Set Enterprises. It was seeing the 1950 Jimmy Stewart movie Harvey that gave Dr. Rocher the idea.”
“Why don’t you come and work for me?” Isis touched his rabbit’s foot for luck.
“Well I am under contract to Set for another 3 years,” Tallbanger noted, “and I don’t become a free agent spy until then.”
“It was rather unfair for Set to bring you out of the blue like that at last year’s secret agent and spy draft in Las Vegas,” Isis seethed, “The only reason he got first round draft pick was because of some deal he made years ago in which he traded Stormy Daniels to the Russians for last year’s first round draft pick.”
“It was my understanding that Vladimir Putin was able to achieve quite a great deal of success with that deal,” Tallbanger helped himself to some Russian caviar.
“Putin is a master chess player,” Isis finished her drink and waved to the waiter for another.
“I’ve been told you’re a master chess player as well,” Tallbanger ordered a tequila sunrise.
“Thank you,” Isis smiled at him, “and I intend to make use of a knight.”
“A lovely night for it,” Tallbanger commented.
Isis raised her glass in toast.
-A vampire novel chapterĀ
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 10th
2019.
Harvey Tallbanger Meets Gali-Gula
The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s personal invisible spy and secret agent the 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka invisible bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger was once again in Paris to spy on Emmanuel Macron’s pro-globalist and pro-EU forces in the wake of the European Parliament elections.
Tallbanger worked his way through a group of marijuana smoking architecture students from California who were smoking weed and drawing sketches for a re-vamped Notre Dame Cathedral in the wake of last month’s fire.
As a result of inhaling pot smoke, Tallbanger was able to see Gali-Gula the ET gray from the planet Nibiru who was sitting up at the bar in Quasimodo’s Cafe as soon as the very tall bunny rabbit entered.
Most creatures on planet Earth were only able to see the ET gray Gali-Gula if they had inhaled pot smoke.
Coincidentally, Gali-Gula was sitting up at the bar drinking a Harvey Wallbanger.
Only creatures who were drinking Harvey Wallbangers were actually able to see the 6 foot 8 Welsh pooka bunny rabbit Harvey Tallbanger.
Being able to see one another, the ET gray and the 6 foot 8 bunny rabbit struck up a conversation.
“So, what have you been up to on planet Earth?” The tall rabbit asked the ET gray as he stirred his Tequila Sunrise cocktail with a carrot.
“I used to be an advisor to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau,” Gali-Gula answered, “until his pot smoking desert cactus plant named Strawberry Fields Forever got kidnapped by China’s intelligence service and is being held hostage in exchange for the release of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou from Canadian custody. So Trudeau hasn’t been able to see me since last December.”
“So who are Justin Trudeau’s advisors now?” Tallbanger sipped his Tequila Sunrise cocktail.
“The demons Baal and Baphomet,” Gali-Gula downed his mixture of orange juice, vodka and Galliano.
“That doesn’t sound like a good thing,” the Welsh pooka ate his carrot.
“It isn’t,” Gali-Gula looked glum, “An exorcist might have to be brought in. Spitting French pea soup out of his mouth while his head is spinning around 360 degrees in every direction might go over well with Quebec voters but I really don’t think it will play out well in the rest of Canada.”
“I met an exorcist once,” the Welsh rabbit ordered Welsh rarebit off the Quasimodo’s menu, “the Rev. Father Aidan Bury Saint Edmunds who tried to exorcise a couple of demon possessed dogs in British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s constituency. The dogs managed to escape and are still creating havoc in the English countryside.”
Just then a pair of men in black sat down across from Tallbanger and Gali-Gula.
“So,” the first man in black adjusted his dark sunglasses, “Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has been unable to form a coalition government in Israel and the Israeli Knesset has voted to dissolve itself and call for new Israeli national elections to be held on September 17th.”
“What this means,” the 2nd man in black likewise adjusted his dark sunglasses, “is that the Jared Kushner peace plan, the so-called deal of the century as it has been dubbed in Donald Trump’s Twitter tweets, is now dead in the water. The plan was always delayed for some reason or other. Last autumn’s bodily dismemberment of Saudi journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Istanbul certainly put a major kabosh into the Kushner peace plan. Then it had to be delayed because of the Israeli elections earlier this year. Then Ramadan came up. It was to be released early next month following the end of Ramadan. But now with new Israeli elections, its release will now have to be delayed until those elections are over. Then this fall will be too close to next year’s U.S.Presidential election and on the off-chance something goes wrong with the peace plan, Trump will probably delay the plan until after next year’s Presidential election. So it probably won’t be announced until well into 2021.”
“I guess this means Ivanka Trump will never see her husband win the Nobel Peace Prize,” the first man in black mused philosophically.
The two finshed their drinks and left the cafe.
As the men in black exited, the Egyptian vampiress Isis entered the cafe with the Greek god Ares on her arm.
“My boss,” Tallbanger referred to the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, “will be very interested to know those two are meeting.”
“You don’t suppose they’re here for the half price on Mexican nachos during Happy Hour?” Gali-Gula queried.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 29th
2019.
Egyptian vampiress Isis enters Quasimodo’s
The Kraken Meets The Ghost of Orson Welles In Paris
Voting in the European Parliament elections had begun today and would continue until May 26th.
The Kraken Napoleon VI, leader of the French Aquarian Age Bonapartist Party, sat in the Quasimodo Cafe and calmly sipped Lemon Tea and dipped potato chips into Sour Cream and Onion Chip Dip as he awaited the first of the results to come in.
His wife Medusa the ex-Gorgon (who had been cured of her Gorgonism by Set Enterprises’ Chief Scientist Dr. Cadbury Rocher) sat calmly painting her fingernails a lovely Moulin Rouge.
The ghost of Orson Welles (who sat across from Medusa and the Kraken) recalled how his late former wife Rita Hayworth had once performed the Can Can (to the tune of Jacques Offenbach’s Orpheus In The Underworld) with her fingers while wearing a pair of black leather gloves.
The performance was considered too hot to handle and was not included in Miss Hayworth’s 1946 film Gilda.
“Johnny, be good,” an impromptu line spoken by Miss Hayworth was also edited out of the film.
“Did you ever consider running for political office when you were alive?” The Kraken asked Welles’ ghost.
“Well, Democratic Party organizers in Wisconsin the state of my birth did ask me to consider running as their candidate for the U.S. Senate in Wisconsin in 1946 but I declined,” Welles sipped a nice spectral glass of spectral red wine, “something that I regretted later as my Republican opponent would have been none other than Joe McCarthy. U.S. political history might have been different had I chosen to run.”
“There’s the Egyptian vampiress Isis,” Medusa spoke critically as the Egyptian vampiress walked through the door wearing a French flag tricoloured evening dress.
“Did you know Isis was the model for Frederic Auguste Bartholdi’s Statue of Liberty?” Welles recounted aloud some knowledge he had uncovered during his time spent in Purgatory.
“I’d heard that,” the Kraken ordered a cognac from the waiter.
“Isis is backing Emmanuel Macron’s party in the European Parliament elections,” Medusa’s voice dripped with contempt like a lethal dose of snake venom.
“I think Freemasons generally support the idea of a fully integrated European Union,” Welles lit a spectral cigar, “and since both Isis and Osiris are the prevalent deities worshipped in a lot of Masonic lodges around the world, it’s no surprise that Isis and the Masons would share a similar political viewpoint.”
“I still suspect our party will do well though,” the Kraken reached for 8 glasses of cognac with his 8 arms.
“I hear our ally across the Channel Renfield is doing well in most polls there,” Welles ordered a California wine much to the displeasure of the French waiter.
“He is,” the Kraken smiled, “I wonder how long he’ll be in the European Parliament before Brexit happens.”
“I imagine EU bureaucrats will be more sympathetic to the idea of a rapid Brexit to prevent Renfield from entering the European Parliament,” Welles brushed cigar ash out of his ghostly beard.
“I hear,” Medusa changed the subject, “that Prince Harry and Meghan the Duchess of Sussex were considering asking Renfield to be their son Archie Harrison’s godfather but that the Prince of Wales is strongly opposed to the idea.”
“That I heard as well,” Welles reached for the glass of Paul Masson Wine which was sold before its time, “and the Prince of Wales might have a point. Renfield could easily become the Falstaff to young Archie’s Prince Hal.”
On the other side of the cafe, the vampiress Isis ordered a Singapore Sling as she too waited for the first of the European Parliament election results.
Meanwhile in a Paris cinema, the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was attending a large screen repertory showing of the 1942 film classic Casablanca.
Suddenly appearing on the screen in front of him was a scene he hadn’t recalled seeing before.
That’s because the black and white scene wasn’t part of the movie Casablanca.
It was the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis beckoning to him.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday May 23rd
2019.
Vampiress Isis Walks The Banks of The Nile
The Egyptian vampiress Isis walks the banks of the Nile
The Egyptian vampiress Isis walked the Nile
A stroll with her memories
The last time she had been in Egypt
was 101 years ago
When Egyptologist Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury
had opened the tomb of Set
her evil brother and brother-in-law
on Armistice Day 1918
right at 11 AM Greenwich time
When the First World War ended
She had fled to Paris
Where she had once worked
With both the Emperors Napoleon I and III
Set had gone to London
and then to Berlin
where he had watched Hitler’s rise to power
Then he returned to London again
Where he had lived ever since
Isis’ husband Osiris had returned to Earth a few years back
from a planet near the star Sirius
Where he had been placed by a black magic spell
cast by Set
Osiris now lived in Rome
Where he served as a geopolitical advisor to Pope Francis
Just as Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal
Served as Pope Francis’ theological advisor
Along with the 6 remaining members of the Vampiric Knights-Templar
Isis walked along the Nile with her memories
She had heard that Dr. Edgar Lovecraft Ashbury
(Whom Set had turned into a vampire)
Who headed Set’s archaeological team
had recently discovered the tomb of Alexander the Great
But where was Alexander’s tomb she wondered?
Egypt? Iraq? Iran?
Or elsewhere in the Middle East?
She turned away from the Nile
And walked in the opposite direction
towards the desert
She felt certain that Set
would try to bring Alexander back from the dead
And he had just the man to do it-
Dr. Cadbury Rocher
The day had been long
The night was falling
and in the distance
a jackal’s voice was calling
Isis’ Egypt had changed
And changed
And changed
And was about to change again
The purple at the bottom of her white dress
That had touched the banks of the Nile
Symbolized her Queenship
But would she ever become Queen of the Nile
again?
-A poem and vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 11th
2019.
Night of The Blood Red Moon
Night of The Blood Red Moon
The Greek Goddess Hera
āGo forth, Hermes,ā Hera commanded, āand ask the Pythian sibyl high priestess of Apollo at Delphi what shall be the first sign marking the beginning of the age of sorrows that shall commence in the 2nd Coming of the Holy One born in Bethlehem of Judea.ā
Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster woke up screeching in his aquarium when he heard the Pythiaās response to Hermesā question.
. . .
Dr. Faustus Imhotep the acting head of DARPA shifted on his feet uncomfortably outside the Oval Bathroom š½ of the White House as Donald Trump was having a bowel movement inside and firing off the latest DARPA secret weapon – a cruise tweet- at the entire political and military leadership of Iran.
The U.S. leader then checked his incoming tweets.
āWhat?ā The Donald cried, āTurkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan just told me to go fuck myself because I demanded the release of American pastor Andrew Brunson from one of those sodomite Turkish prisons where the Turkish guards have a field day. I canāt do that to myself. It isnāt long enough for one thing…ā
. . .
Dr. Cadbury Rocher was examining the work of Israeli scientist Saul Kullok.
Kullok had been examining the work of British scientist Sir Isaac Newton.
Newton had apparently studied the entire Old Testament in the original Hebrew and in his book The Chronology of Ancient Kingdoms published in 1728 a year after Newtonās death in 1727, Kullok had noticed that Newton had inserted his own detailed drawings of Solomonās original Temple in Chapter V of the Book.
Newton in the Book claimed that Solomonās Temple was a building whose dimensions corresponded to the measurements of the cosmos and the building was constructed in an architectural code that precisely detailed the mathematical measurements of the universe.
Dr. Rocher did not know what to think of either Kullokās or Newtonās work as he turned off his laptop where he had been reading Kullokās essays.
However Dr. Rocher had used Newtonās detailed drawings of Solomonās Temple to program his 3-D laser printer to print an exact replica model (on a smaller scale of course) of the original First Temple for the Temple Mount Faithful an organization in Israel seeking to build the Third Temple.
As Dr. Cadbury Rocher was about to leave his office at the Set Enterprises lab as he heard the shrieks of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster coming from his aquarium, he got a phone call on his smart phone.
It was from his boss the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Setās archenemy the Paris-based billionaire ancient Egyptian Vampiress Isis.
She was phoning to discuss the building of the Third Temple in Jerusalem of all things.
. . .
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had just inhaled a whiff of marijuana smoke that was exhaled by Strawberry Fields Forever (which was the name of his genetically created pot smoking cactus šµ plant).
As such, Justin to his horror saw the ET gray Gali-Gula that he always saw whenever he inhaled pot smoke.
āSo tell me, Gali,ā Justin said as he looked up through the glass ceiling of his plant greenhouse for signs of the blood red moon š, āwho is your planet Nibiruās greatest scientist?ā.
Justin had been recalling earlier in the day how when Canadaās asshole then Prime Minister Brian Mulroney had announced his retirement, the Israeli government had awarded him the Israeli National Science and Technology Medal.
āNibiruās greatest scientist is Pythagogorgosaurus,ā Gali-Gula replied.
āHas he recently communicated with earth?ā Justin asked as he started to whistle the tune to the old Beatles song Strawberry Fields Forever.
āThe last time he communicated with Earth was when he received a laser message from a glowing white globe that was sent into outer space by Donald Trump and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman,ā Gali-Gula answered.
āReally?ā Justin answered as he fell face forward into the bush of Alberta Wild Roses inside his greenhouse and started to sing, āHey Jude, donāt ask me why. Sing a sad song and make it better…ā
. . .
The blood red moon over Athens:
Hera to Apollo (as they stood underneath their respective statues): āAnd so rises the sign foretold by your high priestess…ā
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday July 27th
2018.
The U.S. Embassy Opens In Jerusalem On Israelās 70th Anniversary As A Nation
The Egyptian vampiress Isis arriving at the opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem:
The U. S. Embassy Opens In Jerusalem On Israelās 70th Anniversary As A Modern Nation
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu got a huge erection when he saw her.
The Egyptian vampiress Isis arriving at the opening of the U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem.
Coincidentally at the same time as he called U.S. President Donald Trump the āreincarnation of the Persian king Cyrus.ā
In Rome, Pope Francis (who didnāt have an erection as he watched the ceremony on television) retrieved the Handbook of Catholic Christian Dogma from his garbage can (where he had placed it since his election to the Papacy) as he couldnāt remember whether the Catholic Church believed in reincarnation or not.
If it did, it could be a dogma he could deny at some future date.
U. S. President Donald Trump (when he began his address via television) likewise got an erection when he saw Isis arrive at the U.S. Embassy Jerusalem opening on his television monitor.
āAt this very moment, you have absolutely no idea how much I want to be there in person…ā Trump began.
Rudy Giuliani was meanwhile thinking of a prophecy about storms in the (cheque) Book of Daniels.
Several Hamas operatives smashed their motor vehicles into one another (killing each other in the process) upon seeing Isis (the nice knockers in a see-through dress vampiress not the terrorist group) arrive at the Embassy opening.
The famous London art gallery owner Dashwood Forrest who was a personal friend of Ivanka Trump was also there along with his living dead manservant Mulligan the Irish zombie.
Even though Dashwood Forrest was gay, he too was overcome with an erection upon seeing the sensuously beautiful young looking vampiress Isis.
I hope my boyfriend isnāt watching this at home, Forrest thought to himself as the BBC World News camera panned in on him.
Katy Perryās lyrics āI kissed a girl and I liked it…ā kept running through his mind.
āI hereby declare the U. S. Embassy in Jerusalem officially open on this 14th day of May in the Year of Our Lord 2018- the 70th Anniversary of the birth of the modern State of Israel š®š±,ā Ivanka Trump pronounced as she unveiled the plaque next to the Embassy front door.
Both Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Pope Francis winced when she used the term Year of Our Lord.
Ivanka Trump went over and hugged Dashwood Forrest after the plaque unveiling as soon as she saw him.
āWell,ā Ivanka laughed a little taken aback after hugging the Oscar Wilde admiring London art gallery owner, āis that a paintbrush š in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?ā.
She brushed off her white skirt.
āYouāve always had that effect on me, my dear,ā Dashwood Forrest laughed.
āSuicide bomber,ā Mulligan the Irish zombie shouted as soon as he saw him.
Mulligan landed on top of the Lebanese Hezbollah operative (who was wearing such dark sunglasses that he never noticed the extreme sunblock wearing vampiress Isis) just as he detonated the explosives.
As a result of Mulliganās drunken heroic actions, the only ones injured in the explosion š„ was the suicide bomber himself as well as Dashwood Forrestās living dead Irish manservant who went totally to pieces as a result of the rescue.
Both Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Iranās Supreme Leader the Ayatollah Ali Khameini cried in their beer šŗ when they saw the death of the Hezbollah operative.
āI donāt think Iām quite dead yet,ā the moving lips on the head of Mulligan the Irish zombie impersonated an Englishman believed to have succumbed to the bubonic plague in the movie Monty Python and The Holy Grail.
āWell,ā Dashwood Forrest picked up one of Mulliganās middle fingers, āthis looks like a job for Dr. Cadbury Rocher.ā
Meanwhile in London, Set Enterprisesā Dr. Cadbury Rocher put on his Superman costume as he headed out to a Costume Ball in London on a lovely May evening.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday May 14th
2018.
The Vampiress Isis, Pope Francis and Emmanuel Macron
The Egyptian Vampiress Isis, Pope Francis and Emmanuel Macron
The Egyptian vampiress Isis walked down the garden steps of the royal palace at Versailles:
She had first seen Versailles back in 1799 when she came to France from Egypt with Napoleon Bonaparte.
Both Napoleon I and later Napoleon III the vampiress Isis had acted as a strong supporter of and an influential advisor to.
Now after having visited the royal palace at Versailles, she would be driven by limousine to Napoleonās tomb in Paris where she would stop and say a prayer to her grandfather the Egyptian sun god Ra.
Then she would head to the French Presidential Palace there to meet with Emmanuel Macron the President of France š«š·.
While visiting President Macron, they would hold a teleconferencing call with Pope Francis in Rome.
. . .
Pope Francis had been seeing a lot of demons around the Vatican the past month.
He finally got so sick of seeing them, he finally broke down and asked one directly, āWhy are you wretched demons hanging around the Vatican these days?ā.
āWhere else can we go?ā The demon shrugged, āYou yourself have said that there is no Hell.ā
Francis went away harrumphing like Major Hoople in that old newspaper cartoon and comic strip Our Boarding House.
He looked at the date on the calendar – May 4th 2018.
He was supposed to do something today but he couldnāt remember what it was.
He knew what he was planning to do tomorrow- May 5th 2018.
He had thought of canonizing Karl Marx as a birthday present for the latterās 200th birthday tomorrow and declaring him a member of the Catholic Communion of Saints but he had been strongly advised against it by most of his cardinal advisers.
What was it he was supposed to do today?
He grabbed a pitchfork and stuck it up the rear end of some tiny elf sized little demon who got in his way.
Then he remembered.
He was supposed to be having a teleconferencing call with French President Emmanuel Macron and the Egyptian vampiress Isis who would be calling him from Paris.
Pope Francis went to his room and waited by the speaker phone on his desk.
The phone rang.
Francis picked it up.
Sure enough it was President Macron and the Egyptian vampiress Isis.
After an exchange of pleasantries, they got down to business.
āHoly Father,ā Isis asked, āwhat do you think of the idea of using a recently discovered ancient manuscript on magic written by King Solomon to invoke ancient jinn to rebuild the original Temple of Solomon on Mount Moriah?ā.
Pope Francis spat out a mouthful from his glass of Mogen David wine.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday May 4th
2018.
Sherrielock Holmes Meets The Egyptian Vampiress Isis
Sherrielock Holmes Meets The Egyptian Vampiress Isis
Sherrielock Holmes got off the elevator and entered the Champagne Bar on the 3rd floor of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
She was wearing diamond š earrings, a pearl necklace and a cobalt blue evening dress.
“Sherrielock,” a melodious feminine voice called to her from a table close to a window with an excellent view of the City of Lights on this Friday night.
The voice belonged to the Egyptian vampiress Isis who wore gold earrings, a jade necklace and a crimson red evening dress.
After eating plates of escargots and drinking glasses of champagne š„, Isis then got down to business with Sherrielock.
“Miss Holmes, I’ll get to the point,” she finished the last of her glass of champagne š¾, “you are the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises having replaced Renfield R. Renfield who was elected to Parliament last year and who now claims to be receiving visitations from the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill- a statement I heard him make when he was being interviewed on George Noory’s Coast To Coast AM radio show last night. Well, I want you to stop working for my evil brother and brother-in-law Set and come work for me.”
. . .
The Mossad agent who was code named The Controller of The Golem would soon be leaving his native Israel š®š±.
He would be parachuting into the Afrin region of northern Syria to help the Kurds fight invading Turkish forces.
Ever since Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan gave a speech to his supporters in Turkey last year in which he said the city of Jerusalem would be part of a revived Ottoman Empire, the Israeli government was anxious to see that the Turks would not move militarily beyond their borders.
Now that the Kurds had defeated the Islamic State, Turkey was moving into parts of northern Syria to defeat the Kurds.
Israel had decided to give covert support to the Kurds against Erdogan’s Turkish forces.
The Controller had been informed that Britain would be sending him an ally to help the Kurds fight the Turks.
The name of the ally would not be transmitted to the Controller by any electronic means (phone or Internet).
Instead the name would come to the Controller written on a piece of paper in a box.
The Controller’s instructions were to open the box, read the name on the piece of paper and then burn the paper by candle and then take the ashes and mix them with tobacco and smoke them in a pipe.
The Controller looked at the box in front of him.
Written in huge medieval lettering on the box were the words PANDORA’S BOX FOR THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE.
The top of the box was decorated with a lovely painted mural of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian and the Byzantine Empress Theodora seated on their Imperial thrones in Constantinople.
The Controller of The Golem opened the box.
Inside was a folded piece of paper.
The Controller unfolded the paper and read the name written on it.
DRACULA.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday February 2nd
2018.
Agathor Christie Meets Vampiress Isis In Paris
Agathor Christie Meets Vampiress Isis In Paris
The London based private eye Agathor Christie was meeting the Egyptian Vampiress Isis in a cafe along the Champs ĆlysĆ©es.
Agathor had been hired by Isis to spy on her brother and brother-in-law the London based ancient Egyptian vampire Set.
Normally Agathor worked on such cases with his private eye partner and associate Magog Rhys Petley but last month Magog had checked himself into a clinic in Switzerland to help him treat a peculiar ailment and malady that the former Labour MP had (he turned into a werewolf during times of the full moon and a few other occasions as well).
Agathor and Magog had opened up their private eye business last summer after both men had lost their respective parliamentary seats to members of the British Transhumanist Techno-Progressive Anti Bio-Conservative Party (Conservative Agathor Christie had lost his Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds seat to Renfield R. Renfield and Labour’s Magog Rhys Petley had been defeated by the Welsh Vampiress Morgana also known as Morgana Fay Lee in the Welsh constituency of Newbridge).
Agathor ordered a cognac while he waited for the Vampiress Isis to show up.
She entered the cafe wearing a gold evening dress.
“Your Divine Majesty,” Agathor stood up and kissed her golden gloved leather hand.
“Mr. Christie, you have news for me?” The Vampiress Isis sat down and ordered a glass of champagne.
“I do,” Agathor nodded.
“Then you’re a good detective,” Isis smiled at him, “But then seeing as how you’re the great nephew of British mystery novelist Agatha Christie, I’m not surprised.”
Agathor Christie was indeed the great nephew of Agatha Christie (albeit she was his great aunt by marriage and not by blood).
Agathor sipped his cognac.
In the meantime, Isis helped herself to some caviar.
“So, what is this news you have to tell me?” Isis asked.
“Set is trying to find the tomb of the great Egyptian queen Cleopatra,” Agathor replied.
“Really?” Isis was quite astounded at this bit of news, “Then I shall have to beat him to it.”
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday January 4th
2018.
Allatallahbel Swims To Nephthys’ Undersea Tomb
Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal had hired two London private eyes Agathor Christie and Magog Rhys Petley to track down the sole surviving Vampiric Knights-Templar for her.
She had also hired another London private eye Randall Hopkins to spy on the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set for her (Randall Hopkins accepted the case immediately since he had prior experience spying on Set having been hired by the Paris-based Egyptian vampiress Isis to do just that 3 years ago).
Randall Hopkins had broke into Set’s house where he located a couriered document sent to Set by the German government.
Apparently a World War One German UB-II U-Boat submarine had just been found off the coast of Belgium.
According to the sub’s last manifest written down before its last voyage (the manifest was found in the German National Archives) the Egyptian vampiress Nephthys (Set’s long lost wife) was on board the vessel.
When Set read the courier document, he practically shit himself.
After using up the mansion’s entire rolls of toilet paper, Set then flew to Atlanta Georgia to meet former U.S. President Jimmy Carter.
Set figured that if Carter could negotiate a successful peace treaty between Egypt and Israel (like he did back in 1978), then he could successfully negotiate an amicable divorce agreement between Nephthys and himself if Nephthys was still alive.
Allatallahbel decided to swim to the spot where the sub was located (she had seduced a German Federal cabinet minister to tell her the location) to see for herself whether Nephthys was alive or dead.
When she emerged and walked back to her Belgian B and B, a group of ex-DARPA operatives on a European tour snapped her pic with their smart phones.
One ex-DARPA op named Daniel (who had an otter following behind him) started to curse, “Dang! I forgot to recharge my smart phone battery!”.
-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday September 26th
2017.
Dracul Van Helsing 
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