Deserted Streets, Teilhard, Pachamama and Cthulhu’s Vicar

April 13, 2020 at 10:10 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Deserted Streets, Teilhard, Pachamama and Cthulhu’s Vicar

Walking the streets of London while most of the city’s human population was in home isolation and practicing social distancing was Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster.

He stopped by the British Museum and visited the famous Library reading room.

He stopped to look at the busts of Charles Darwin and Karl Marx.

“You know it’s possible that this Covid-19 coronavirus might have a spiritual rather than a materialistic dimension to it,” Darwin’s bust spoke just before it crashed to the floor.

“Now you tell me,” Marx’s bust noted before it crashed to the floor.

Teilhard’s flaming disembodied head flew over narrowly missing making a lobster flambé out of Michelangelo.

Pachamama the Inca earth mother goddess wearing a red dress and drinking a golden goblet of what appeared to be crimson red wine sat on a flying globe of the world as it flew overhead.

. . .

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal was speaking to Pope Francis.

“This lockdown plays an immense advantage to you, your Cthulhuness,” Allatallahbel pointed out.

“How so?” Francis asked.

“Well, there has been increasing talk among some Cardinals and bishops about convening a Church council and having you deposed as Pope,” the Vampiress Priestess noted.

“Why would they want to depose me as Pope?” Francis looked up from the yet to be papal imprimatured unpublished manuscript by Walter Cardinal Kasper entitled How To Deny 2000 Years of Catholic Christian Doctrine Without Appearing A Manifest Heretic and Apostate In Public.

“They’re starting to take note of Saint Robert Bellarmine the Universal Doctor of the Church’s argument that should a Pope fall into manifest heresy and apostasy, he has by definition ceased to be Catholic and has therefore ceased to be Pope,” Allatallahbel replied.

“But this Saint Robert Bellarmine fellow is dead and worse yet he probably didn’t die from the Coronavirus,” Francis pointed out, “so how does his argument apply to me?”.

“There are some, although I’m pleased to say very few in the clergy, who might appeal to Bellarmine and participate in a Church Council seeking to depose you before you have your chance to sign the Concordat With The Communist Fourth International, the Church of Satan and the Temple of Baphomet,” Allatallahbel drank eye spurted horned lizard blood out of a human skull.

“And you’re saying the Coronavirus will help prevent the calling of this Church council to depose me?” Francis sneezed into his sleeve.

“Exactly since everybody in the world must now practice social distancing and home isolation because the global elitists tell us so,” Allatallahbel put silver mascara on her eyelashes, “they won’t be able to meet in person to call a Council to depose you. And if they try to do it via video conferencing, your friends Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates and Xi Jinping could easily hack the conference and push the result your way.”

“This Coronavirus seems to have a positive side to it,” Francis coughed into his Venus Fly Trap plant that had been given him as a gift by U-2’s Bono.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday April 13th 
2020.

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Allatallahbel Tries To Make A Vamp Out of A Cardinal

November 17, 2019 at 11:19 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

Allatallahbel Tries To Make A Vamp Out of A Cardinal

The Vampiress Allatallahbel sat at the edge of one of the old lion cheering fan stands in the Roman Colosseum.

A Vatican Cardinal named Samhain Cardinal Salaman approached Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“I got your message for me to be here, your Sinisterness,” Cardinal Salaman addressed the vampiress priestess.

“Nice of you to come, your Eminence,” the vampiress bit him on the neck and drained him of almost all his blood.

She then walked away.

Lenora the Dragon Warrioress Princess of Lemuria entered the colosseum with Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

“Was that not the statue of the god Moloch at the entrance to the colosseum?” Lenora asked Van Helsing.

“It was,” Van Helsing nodded, “That god of the ancient Canaanites, Phoenicians and Carthaginians on prominent display at the colosseum must have the Roman general Scipio Africanus rolling over in his grave.”

“So Dr. Cadbury Rocher text messaged you that Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster had a vision of something awful happening to one of the few non-homosexual predatory and pedophile Vatican Cardinals here?” Lenora queried.

“That is correct,” Van Helsing answered.

“Well there appears to be someone dressed in Cardinal’s robes lying on one of the steps there,” Lenora ran over to the man.

Van Helsing joined her and felt the Cardinal’s pulse.

He also noticed the vampiric bite on the Cardinal’s neck.

The vampire hunter called an ambulance.

Paramedics and ambulance soon arrived on the scene and rushed Samhain Cardinal Salaman to hospital.

“Do you think he’ll live?” Lenora asked.

“I hope so,” Van Helsing replied.

Vampire hunter and Dragon Warrioress Princess returned to their hotel and dressed for a concert in Rome.

The performer at the concert was Lenora herself who played pieces by Bach, Handel and Vivaldi on her violin.

“What beautiful music that instrument makes,” the Australian Ambassador to Italy remarked to his wife, “It certainly sounds a lot better than that Ernievarius that violin made out of rubber tires that some character called Uncle Ernie played in concert with the Sydney Philharmonic Orchestra back home.”

“Still I must admit it was hilariously funny watching that Uncle Ernie get arrested live on stage by Sydney Police during the second act for his improper conduct that he conducted in the orchestra pit during intermission,” his wife noted.

“That,” the Ambassador agreed, “was hilariously funny.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 17th
2019.

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The Great Pumpkin

October 30, 2019 at 10:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery, News, Romance, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Great Pumpkin

The vampiress Allatallahbel held an apple in her hands.

The vampiress priestess of Baal held it out to the visitor to the Vatican.

“Halloween apples,” she smiled.

The visitor took the apple, bit into it and ate.

His head immediately exploded leaving an awful mess on the Vatican walls for the Vatican cleaning staff to clean up.

For the apple being from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil had given the man full knowledge of both good and evil.

And naturally, being mortal, he could not handle that knowledge.

So his head exploded leaving brains and cerebral fluids all over a Renaissance portrait of Pope Alexander VI.

The Borgia Pope had never looked so good.

And as for the man who had tasted the knowledge of good and evil, he had surely died.

Making the original Serpent of Eden a liar.

. . .

The Vampiress Priestess of Baal’s ally Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow was riding his zombie black horse Bucephalus Reborn across the lawn of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal West London mansion.

He had been sent here by Allatallahbel to bump off British MP Renfield R. Renfield who had become a major thorn in the side to some of Allatallabel’s vampiress and middle eastern goddess allies.

Unbeknownst to the Headless Horseman and his singing black zombie horse who was currently singing the lyrics “I wore raspberry beret” namely because the horse was wearing a raspberry beret making him look extremely ridiculous on this night before Halloween, Renfield was in a Bed and Breakfast in the town of Tewkesbury getting ready to begin his constituency MP re-election campaign.

The Headless Horseman was riding along without his pumpkin head because it had been blown off in a strong wind storm that had suddenly descended on the streets of central London.

As such, he did not see all the huge cubes of a mysterious scarlet red coloured ice that decorated the lawns of the Set estate.

And as for Buchephalus Reborn, he was so engrossed in his own singing as well as his raspberry beret slipping down over his equine eyes, the horse did not notice the mysterious scarlet red coloured ice cubes either.

The horse slipped on the ice cubes and fell sending his rider Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow soaring through the air and through the huge panoramic window of the Set Estate living room.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, who had been comfortably sitting in his arm chair holding a glass of very good Port wine in one hand and a copy of The Economist Magazine in the other, called out to his butler and valet, “Athelstan, I think you better immediately call the emergency number of the 24-hour window replacement service.”

“Very good, sir,” Athelstan walked over to the phone and proceeded to do just that.

“Nefertiti Galore,” Set called out to the estate’s watch cat with fierce claws, “Sic him.”

The Headless Horseman soon found himself attacked by the cat Nefertiti Galore and rushed back out the window.

Somehow he miraculously managed to get back on top of Bucephalus Reborn and horse and rider fled through the streets of London being diligently pursued by the ferocious claws of Set’s pet cat Nefertiti Galore.

Up above the skies of London, a ferocious looking Great Pumpkin shone down on top of them.

-A vampire novel chapter 
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 30th
2019.

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Allatallahbel In The Bathtub

August 6, 2019 at 10:24 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , )

Allatallahbel In The Bathtub

This sight greeted Samhain Cardinal Salaman when he walked into his apartment’s bathroom to take a bath.

It was Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“Allatallahbel!” Said an astounded Cardinal Salaman in his bathrobe dressing gown.

“Thinking of taking a bath?” She purred like a cat with the undertones of a lioness underneath.

“Well, I was…” Cardinal Salaman put down his shampoo and bath soap.

“I’ll let you take a bath eventually, your Eminence,” Allatallahbel stood up in her spiked stiletto high heeled shoes leaving indentations in the Cardinal’s bathtub, “but I want you to stroll the corridors of the Vatican with me first. There are things I want to show you.”

“You want me to stroll the corridors of the Vatican in my bath robe?” Cardinal Salaman inquired.

“I’ve seen clergymen running around the corridors of the Vatican wearing a lot less,” the vampiress smiled.

Cardinal Salaman had to admit that was true.

So Allatallahbel and the Cardinal went for a midnight stroll around the Vatican.

They saw the ghost of the late Soviet dictator Josef Stalin enter the apartment lodgings of Pope Francis.

“What are they doing meeting one another?” Cardinal Salaman was surprised.

“Stalin has been giving Francis some advice on how to restructure the John Paul II Institute in Rome,” Allatallahbel replied.

They entered a chapel where the demon Baphomet was playing jungle drums while a shaman from the Amazon rain forest did a sun dance.

They eventually got around to the high altar of Saint Peter’s Basilica where Amorous Laetita the familiar black cat of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft lay asleep on the altar.

“I really don’t think it’s good for me to be here,” Cardinal Salaman remarked.

“What’s the matter, your Eminence?” Allatallahbel put a black painted fingernail against his lips, “Has the cat got your tongue?”.

The cardinal’s bathrobe fell to the floor.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday August 6th
2019.

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Renfield Discusses Day of Fires

April 20, 2019 at 8:29 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Spy Tales, Technology, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Renfield R. Renfield MP was having a Saturday night dinner with his friends Amadeus Emanon and Angelique Dumont.

Renfield mentioned, “So, I just found out last night that there was a fire at the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem at the exact same time as the fire at Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris.”

“I didn’t know that,” Amadeus stopped in the middle of eating his salmon.

“It received almost no news coverage in the world on that day other than in the Middle East,” Renfield explained.

“What a strange coincidence that was,” Angelique reflected, “that two major centers of worship- Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa in Jerusalem would both have fires that same day.”

“Was Dr. Cadbury Rocher’s escaped basilisk responsible for the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque as well as that at Notre Dame?” Amadeus asked.

“Well, Dr. Rocher had implanted a GPS signal in the basilisk’s DNA so he’d know its location- technology which both the Chinese government and the U.S. government are currently fighting to develop so they can be the first to implement the Mark of the Beast system that no human being will be able to buy or sell without the Mark of the Beast in their DNA,” Renfield mentioned, “the GPS in Basilisk Wrathsbone’s DNA was picked up by sensors in the lobster claws of Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster. Apparently the basilisk was nowhere near the al-Aqsa mosque at the time the fire started like it was at the exact location of Notre Dame when that fire started.”

“So I wonder who started the fire at the al-Aqsa mosque?” Angelique pondered aloud.

. . .

The commander of the Vampiric Knights-Templar Sir Boyle of Olay was speaking to Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal.

“Our efforts to burn down the al-Aqsa mosque this past Monday were sadly put to nought,” Sir Boyle of Olay commented, “the fire was finally brought under control. So we will have to wait a wee bit longer for the Temple of Solomon to be rebuilt. Even though most of Israel’s leading kabbalistic rabbis are sick of waiting.”

“It will take a while longer then for the god Baal to get his statue back up on the Temple Mount like it was when Solomon succumbed to the foreign influences of some of his 700 wives and 300 concubines and started erecting statues of his wives’ and concubines’ deities in the Temple,” Allatallahbell looked unhappy.

“We should never have brought the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow along on our mission,” Sir Boyle of Olay sighed, “He went and lost his head again. And as a result picked up bottles of coconut milk instead of cannisters of gasoline down at the Old City market. So we didn’t have enough fuel to start a real raging inferno.”

. . .

Today’s date.

Holy Saturday.

The Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the SS Ahnenerbe Occult Bureau lit a cigarette.

April 20th.

Der Fuhrer’s birthday.

It had been a Holy Saturday as well – April 20th- in the year 1889- when Der Fuhrer had been born.

Now exactly 130 years later- Der Fuhrer’s birthday – was a Holy Saturday again.

Fires at Notre Dame in Paris and the al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem earlier in the week- both on the same day of Holy Week.

This was surely a sign from the Cosmos that there was something providential about this particular Holy Saturday as well.

Kohler’s cigarette went out.

He lit it again as the voice of a wolf howled on one hill.

And the voice of a jackal howled on the other.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday April 20th
2019.


Allatallahbell the Vampiress Priestess of Baal:
Waiting in time for the rebuilt Temple of Solomon

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Allatallahbel and The Memorial Mass For Godfried Cardinal Danneels of Belgium

March 19, 2019 at 10:11 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )


The Vampiress Allatallahbel dressed for a memorial Mass for Cardinal Godfried Danneels of Belgium

In the midst of all the chaotic debate going on over Brexit, MP Renfield R. Renfield stood in the British House of Commons to make a statement, “Last week, Godfried Cardinal Danneels the Cardinal Archbishop of Belgium kicked the bucket. His Eminence, as he liked to be called, was best known for telling the nephew of a perverted Belgian bishop who had sexually assaulted the boy to drop the charges and forget all about it. He was also a member of the St. Gallen Mafia which helped elect the apostate Pope Francis. Hopefully they’ll remember to bury him face downwards so he can see where he’s going.”

Renfield sat down again.

The remarks Pope Francis spoke in the homily at the memorial Mass for Godfried Cardinal Danneels in the Vatican which Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal attended were somewhat different in tone from those expressed by Renfield.


Allatallahbel: She had come to hear Pope Francis praise Godfried Cardinal Danneels not bury him face downwards like Renfield would have done.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Tuesday March 19th
2019.

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Lepardia Marango Plans To Save Renfield’s Life While Andrew Cuomo Sacrifices A Groundhog For Groundhog Day

February 2, 2019 at 11:52 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Gothic, Gothic romance, International Intrigue, Mystery, Mythology, News, Politics, Romance, Spy Tales, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )


Lepardia Marango the cultural attache at the South African Embassy in London in a Film Noir genre style photo shoot with the ghost of classic filmmaker Orson Welles

Lepardia Marango was officially the cultural attache at the South African Embassy in London.

Unofficially she was a spy for the foreign branch of South Africa's intelligence service.

Today she was being a model for the ghost of Orson Welles who was doing a Film Noir genre style photo shoot using colour film photography.

Most of the great Film Noir movies of the 1940s and 1950s were shot in black and white although a few were shot in colour.

The 1982 film Blade Runner which could be seen as a Film Noir movie, classic 1940s style detective tale and futuristic sci-fi thriller combined in one was shot in colour.

As was the 1997 film L.A. Confidential (which was sort of a combination Film Noir genre style movie and classic early 1950s style crime police drama) shot in colour.

Now Welles' ghost was trying his spectral hand at shooting a Film Noir himself in colour.

Welles had recently been in Chicago caught in the polar vortex snow storm from Hell that had been caused by the Norse goddess called Hel.

But he got tired of being a spectator at tantric sex encounters where Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing was busy making out with various vampiresses, goddesses and women mystics.

So Welles returned to his current earthly home in London, England (Welles had been granted dispensational leave from Purgatory by Hades and Persephone the rulers of the Underworld in order to be able to serve as a spirit advisor to British MP Renfield R. Renfield along with the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill).

When the photo shoot was over, Lepardia Marango returned to her apartment.

While there, she received a text message from the South African cultural attache in Moscow (who was also a spy for the foreign branch of South Africa's intelligence service).

Apparently the Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva was in London where she was planning to assasinate British MP Renfield R. Renfield at a darts tournament at the Clytemnestra's Revenge and Agamemnon's Bathtub Pub and Beef House in London.

The plot had been arranged by Russia's Vladimir Putin, Turkey's Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Pakistan's Imran Khan (whom Renfield had threatened to blow his testicles off with a .44 Magnum unless Asia Bibi was allowed to leave Pakistan) and Svetlana had been selected to carry it out.

Lepardia entered the pub where she shouted "Stop!" causing Renfield to miss his shot and lose the tournament but saving his life.

. . .

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo was in upstate New York where he would be sacrificing a live groundhog to show the world what a kind and compassionate person he was.

Joining him in the furry little weather prognosticator's sacrifice was Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam who mercifully was wearing a paper bag over his head so no one would recognize him now that his racist Ku Klux Klan college photo from 1984 had gone viral.

The groundhog was sacrificed in front of a statue of Hecate the Greek goddess of witchcraft.

Hecate: To whose statue the poor little groundhog was sacrificed

After the sacrifice, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo received a text message from Pope Francis where the pontiff bestowed on the leading Democratic Party politician a special apostolic blessing.

Not far from the Bishop of Rome stood Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal who, along with the Vampiric Knights-Templar and the Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow, had taken over the Vatican back on October 13th 2017.

Allatallahbel the vampiress priestess of Baal who had recently dyed her hair red in honour of the recent Super Blood Wolf Moon.

"Well," Allatallahbel laughed, "It doesn't look like Vitae (which was the name of the little groundhog in Sleepy Hollow in upstate New York- editor's note) will be around to enjoy either a late spring or an early spring."

. . .


The Austro-Croatian mystic Maria Orsic calls out to Dracul Van Helsing in her hotel room in the Mysterious Goddess Hotel in Chicago,
"Once more for new time's sake please, Mr. Van Helsing."

. . .

Meanwhile in Nairobi Kenya, the Kenyan vampire huntress Megan Shimbiro had been informed that the Nazi vampire Franz Kohler undead and very very very late of the Ahnenerbe Nazi SS Occult Bureau was up to some sort of nefarious activity in Kenya.


The Kenyan vampire huntress Megan Shimbiro on the lookout for the Nazi vampire Franz Kohler of the Ahnenerbe Nazi SS Occult Bureau.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday February 2nd
2019.

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Goatee Slays Uglos, Renfield Poisons Apples and Allatallahbel Desolates The Vatican

December 27, 2018 at 11:56 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee had been in a good mood on Christmas Day because he hadn’t encountered any repulsively ugly women.

He wasn’t in such a good mood yesterday because some ugly woman tried to ride alongside him on a escalator so he promptly beheaded the bitch.

Then it turned out that the grocery stores in his neighbourhood were closed for boxing day so he wasn’t able to buy any groceries.

Today wasn’t such a good day either because when he went to pick up his subsidized transit pass (Goatee got a subsidized low-income transit pass for medical reasons since his doctor had certified him as homicidally insane and therefore this made him eligible for medical benefits such as a low-income transit pass), he discovered that his photo id had expired.

The clerk gave him a low-income transit pass for next month anyways but told him he would definitely need a new photo id for next month (it was lucky for the clerk that he did that for otherwise he would have been beheaded by Pan Goatee).

“Why the Hell do you need a fucking new photo id all the time?” Goatee fumed, “Proof positive that the days of the Antichrist and the Mark of the Beast are upon us.”

He beheaded a fat ugly blimp in a wheelchair who tried to get in his way.

“You know back in my day, we used to have only good looking people in wheelchairs,” the ghost of Raymond Burr remarked to the satyr serial killer after Goatee had beheaded the fat ugly blimp.

“Mister, we could use a disabled person like Police Detective Robert Ironside again,” Pan Goatee sang a paraphrased version of that old Archie Bunker All In The Family song about Herbert Hoover.

He then beheaded a few more ugly women around the transit place.

“If Semjaza and his Merry band of Watchers came down to Earth today,” Goatee did an impromptu theological exposition on the Book of I Enoch,
“they sure as Hell wouldn’t be mating with the daughters of men now not when they look like the daughters of walruses, stoats and gargoyles.”

Goatee was momentarily pleased when he actually saw a beautiful woman wearing a short skirt and black silk pantyhose exiting a building but she was immediately followed by an ugly stoat looking woman whom he promptly beheaded.

Later on the bus ride home, Goatee encountered another ugly stoat looking woman who in addition to being stoatly ugly was wearing a fashion designer’s nightmare of barf green coloured checkered pants with unmatching yellow striped purple running shoes.

The genetically created satyr serial killer promptly beheaded her much to the relief, delight and applause of the ghosts of Oscar Wilde, Friedrich Nietzsche, Yves Saint Laurent and the still living (but almost died when he saw the colour blind hideous fashion ensemble wearing ugly looking stoat monstrosity) Karl Lagerfeld.

Later a walrus looking fat ugly blimp got off the bus in front of Pan Goatee’s house so he beheaded that creature from Hell as well.

. . .

The two chief scientists in charge of Product Development at Apple (both of whom were appointed after the death of Steve Jobs) twin brothers Dr. Shitticus Constipationio and Dr. Shitticus Diarrheaosis (both men’s family surnames were their first names) were up shit creek.

The CEO of the company Tim Cook had died after eating a poisoned apple pie given to him by British MP Renfield R. Renfield.

The gay Apple CEO had a passionate crush on the British MP who was someday expected to become Prime Minister of Britain and the Sir Winston Churchill of the 21st Century so gladly accepted the apple pie from him.

Chinese government operative Ho Babylon Minh (the granddaughter of Vietnamese President Ho Chi Minh) knew of Cook’s crush on Renfield R. Renfield and thus after putting the Dr. Cadbury Rocher designed Snow White Red Rose Black Death apples in a pie got Renfield to deliver them.

Cook’s homicide was revenge on the part of the Beijing government for the U.S. government ordered Justin Trudeau cannabis Canadian complicit arrest of Huawei CFO Meng Wanzhou at Vancouver International Airport.

Renfield agreed because he didn’t like the idea of a very attractive Asian Dragon sister like Meng Wanzhou having been put in a Vancouver jail when there were so many obnoxious ugly white women walking the streets of Calgary, Alberta, Canada and nobody was doing a damned thing about it with the exception of genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee.

Now Cook was dead and put on ice (in hopes there would be somebody who could bring him back from the dead).

In the meantime a humanoid looking robot who resembled Cook was putting in public appearances so that no one would know Cook had died.

The embarrasing part was the Tim Cook looking humanoid robot had been built and designed by Samsung (Apple’s South Korean competitor) since after Steve Jobs’ death, Apple had become incapable of building a good product.

And they the Shitticus Brothers were to blame.

. . .

Back in 855 AD, a Kabbalistic Gnostic Apostolate operating covertly in the Catholic Church had finally succeeded in putting a woman (a witch) on the papal throne as Pope John VIII.

The woman became known to history as Pope Joan.

Joannes Anglicus (her Latin name as Pope) had disguised herself as a man.

Her womanhood was revealed in 857 AD when she gave birth in the midst of a papal procession.

Now the vampiress Allatallahbel (the Vampiress Priestess of Baal) was hoping to openly be elected Pope when Francis either kicked the bucket or resigned.


The Vampiress Allatallahbel (the Vampiress Priestess of Baal) plans to become the next Pope.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday December 27th
2018.

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Brisbane’s Archbishop Coleridge and The Slaughter of The Albatrosses

October 3, 2018 at 10:54 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, Humour, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, Mythology, News, Religion, The Occult, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Brisbane’s Archbishop Coleridge and The Slaughter of The Albatrosses

At the Vatican in Rome, Samhain Cardinal Salaman was still in heavenly bliss after spending a night making out with the Vampiress Allatallahbel’s astral body twin double the succubus Asherah who was wearing a sexy nun’s outfit of veil, short skirted habit mini dress and black silk pantyhose.

Pope Francis was still vomiting 🤮 Gadarene pigs’ feet.

He got a Get Well card from Kwan Yin the Buddhist Mother Goddess of Mercy which gave him a recipe for a Korean pork dish with the inscription, “Try this. Korean pork is a lot healthier and less demonically possessed than Gadarene pork.”

At Brisbane in Australia 🇦🇺 meanwhile the pervert friendly and demon worshipping Roman Catholic Archbishop Mark Coleridge was having a dream where he was dressed as an ancient mariner and slaying albatrosses with a cross bow left, right and center.

A group of angry sailors angry that their ship had crashed on the rock as a result of Archbishop Coleridge slaying so many albatrosses ripped the gold pectoral Cross off from around his neck and put a necklace of albatrosses around his neck.

The Archbishop’s gods Baal and Baphomet appeared to him and said they actually preferred the necklace of albatrosses around his neck rather than the Cross.

Archbishop Coleridge went into a pub and downed several pitchers of Carlton Draught.

After doing so, the Archbishop went into a reception hall and stopped a wedding guest from entering the hall in order to tell him his story of the slaughter of the albatrosses.

The wedding guest punched Archbishop Coleridge and sent him flying across 3 oceans into a British Premier League football ⚽️ stadium.

The Archbishop decided to become a hawker of goods in the stadium and went around shouting “Albatross! Albatross!”.

“What does it taste like?” asked a spectator.

“How do I know what it tastes like?” The Archbishop retorted angrily, “It tastes like bloody sea bird bloody flavour.”

“Do you get wafers with it?” The spectator asked.

“Of course you don’t get bloody wafers with it,” Archbishop Coleridge answered as Communion wafers fell out of his ass by the truck load.

“All right, I’ll take that one then,” the spectator paid the Archbishop and the Archbishop ripped the selected albatross off his necklace of albatrosses and gave it to the man.

Archbishop Coleridge was then attacked by a zombie 🧟‍♂️ Norwegian Blue parrot tired of pining for the fjords and so brought back from the dead.

The Archbishop fell from the stands on to the field.

On the field, he was set upon and choked to death by a python 🐍 named Monty.

After kicking the bucket, Archbishop Coleridge was horrified to discover that his idol Pope Francis was wrong about Hell.

Mercifully at the moment Coleridge tumbled into the flames 🔥 while Australian singer Olivia Newton John sang, “Xanadu, your neon lights will shine for you, Xanadu” while the Mongolian Chinese Emperor Kublai Khan stood and applauded, the Archbishop suddenly woke up.

It had all been a dream.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday October 3rd
2018.

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Reblog of The Headless Horseman of Sleepy Hollow Rises Again

September 30, 2018 at 9:59 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, Horror, International Intrigue, Mystery/horror, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

A vampire novel chapter I wrote a year ago today.

Dracul Van Helsing

Allatallahbel the Vampiress Priestess of Baal was visiting the village of Sleepy Hollow near Tarrytown in northern New York state.

She was searching for the grave of a former lover of hers- a Hessian military officer who fought for the Hanoverian king George III during the American Revolutionary War and who got his head shot off by a stray cannonball much to his dismay.

The officer’s name was Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden.

Allatallahbel found the grave of the Headless Horseman Friedrich Wotan Wiesbaden in the forest a few miles out of town from the village of Sleepy Hollow.

A large gravestone and marker for the grave had been paid for by the government of Germany back in 1933 shortly after a man named Adolf Hitler had been appointed Chancellor of Germany.

The reason for building a gravestone marker for the long dead headless Hessian officer were known only to Allatallahbel and…

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