The Vampire Set and Lindbergh’s Historic Flight To Paris

May 21, 2017 at 3:31 pm (History, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

90 years ago today.

May 21st 1927.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was in Paris enjoying a bottle of champagne with Josephine Baker, Ernest Hemingway and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

They were waiting to see if American pilot Charles Lindbergh would arrive in the city in his plane The Spirit of St. Louis and become the first person to fly solo non-stop across the Atlantic.

Twenty minutes after 10 PM on the evening of May 21st 1927, there slipped out of the darkness over the skies a gray white airplane.

At 10:24 PM The Spirit of St. Louis landed.

“Well, I made it,” said Lindbergh.

And the City of Paris went wild.

Lindbergh was carried by hand outside his plane.

Total mayhem among the crowd of 100,000 people who had gathered on the east side of Le Bourget Air Field.

“Paris probably hasn’t seen such excitement since the Armistice of 1918,” Hemingway remarked as he uncorked another bottle of champagne.

“I was being dug out of the prison of my ancient Egyptian tomb on Armistice Day in 1918,” Set recalled.

Both Josephine Baker and Ernest Hemingway laughed at Set’s remark.

Only the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec (being one of the living Undead herself) smiled sympathetically.

“Do you suppose Lindbergh will join us on this sidewalk cafe?” Josephine asked.

“I don’t know,” Hemingway shrugged, “did you invite him?”.

Everyone laughed.

“I wonder if anything else as exciting will happen this year?” Qonzilqointec mused philosophically.

On the other side of the Atlantic, singer and entertainer Al Jolson was sitting in a bar

He heard someone at one of the tables say, “You ain’t heard nothing yet.”

Jolson’s ears perked up.

That would make a great closing line for the new movie he was doing.

The world’s first talkie.

-A vampire novel chapter

written by Christopher

Sunday May 21st

2017.

Permalink 2 Comments

Captain Dante Van Helsing and Qonzilqointec

May 17, 2017 at 4:08 pm (Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Romance, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

The date was May 17th 1687.

And the notorious pirate Captain Dante Van Helsing (an ancestor of Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing) was far from his home town of Amsterdam.

He was sailing the Caribbean which was his favourite sea for piracy.

Captain Dante Van Helsing had formed an alliance with the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

She was anxious to see Spanish ships raided and sunk as vengeance for the Spanish conquering her Aztec Empire in Mexico.

Captain Dante Van Helsing did these raids on Spanish ships gladly.

And Qonzilqointec would pay Dante back in her bedroom at night.

But then another pirate came into the Caribbean.

A pirate who sailed a Chinese junk ship and called himself Wo Fat.

But despite dressing and looking the part of a Chinese pirate, the individual was really an Englishman and a defrocked Jesuit priest named Alfred Loisy George Tyrrell.

He was defrocked for claiming that Antipope John XXIII (who was himself the notorious pirate Baldassarre Cossa in his early life) who reigned from 1410 to 1415 was in fact a true Pope.

Wo Fat (as he now called himself) after being kicked out of the Jesuit order stole an ancient Greek analogue computer and orrery that was in the possession of one of his Jesuit confreres Father Athanasius Kircher.

He stole the mechanism from Father Kircher’s room on the evening of the latter’s death on November 28th 1680.

Wo Fat used the device to navigate and determine the position of the ships that he raided.

Qonzilqointec spotted the device while flying around as a vampire bat on his ship one night.

She alerted Captain Dante Van Helsing to the existence of the device..

Van Helsing said, “I must have it.”

So Qonzilqointec flew on to Wo Fat’s ship The Albatross and promptly changed from a bat into her alluring vampiric female form.

She brought several good bottles of coconut rum lifted to her from a row boat rowed by Dante.

She went into Wo Fat’s cabin,

After plying him with several goblets of coconut rum and rubbing his bald head against her magnificent bosom

Qonzilqointec With Wo Fat

…. Wo Fat fell asleep.

Whereupon Qonzilqointec stole the device.

She then gave it to Captain Dante Van Helsing on the night of May 17th 1687.

Van Helsing returned home to Amsterdam where he was forced by his parents to marry a good Dutch girl.

“No more running around with these exotic foreign women,” his father had said to him.

So Dante Van Helsing married, settled down, became a maker of Dutch wooden shoes and had four children.

Finally bored to tears, he decided to make one more voyage.

This time to the Aegean Sea.

While there, he encountered a group of alluring looking sirens on a rock near the Greek island of Antikythera.

His ship The Virgil sank.

And went down to the bottom of the sea alongside an earlier Roman era shipwreck.

The Virgil was torn apart by mermaids.

Only Dante’s mysterious mechanism (that Qonzilqointec had pirated away from the pseudo-Chinese pirate Wo Fat) was left behind.

The mechanism was recovered on May 17th 1902.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday May 17th
2017.

Permalink 4 Comments

Quetzalcoatl On Dia de Los Muertos

November 2, 2014 at 9:07 pm (Horror, Religion, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Quetzalcoatl On Dia de los Muertos

Two young Mormon missionaries were in Mexico City on this particular Sunday November 2nd- All Souls Day on the Roman Catholic Church calendar- or as they called this festival in Mexico- Dia de los Muertos- Day of the Dead.

Both young men happened to be from Salt Lake City- the home of the global headquarters of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Mexico City was their assigned missionary outreach.

They were encouraged to take in the cultural festivities of the people they were evangelizing.

So here they were on the evening of Dia de los Muertos taking in a colourful and festive parade.

Leading the parade seemed to be a beautiful young dancing girl who happened to look a lot like actress Salma Hayek.

The young woman was not Salma Hayek.

In fact, she was a lot older than she looked.

She was the some 600-years-old Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

She was wearing a white blouse and long flowing red skirt.

Suddenly a strange looking creature flew down from the sky and stood in front of the parade.

It was a huge giant serpent with feathers and wings.

Terror seized the crowd (as it did the two young Mormon missionaries).

But the dancing girl cried out, “Be not afraid. It’s our father and our king and our emperor Quetzalcoatl finally returned from a far planet.”

The crowd cheered.

The giant feathered serpent started leading the dance in colourful fashion- like some colourful dancing giant hybrid cross between a gargantuan Goliath of Gath sized peacock and a radioactive fire-breathing Godzilla.

One of the Mormon missionaries started filming the parade and its leader on his smart phone.

He immediately sent the images to his Mormon bishop back home in Salt Lake City.

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec happened to notice the young missionary who was filming Quetzalcoatl and the parade.

She smiled and went over to him and his fellow missionary and put her arms around both boys.

“Do come back to my apartment,” her voice was as soft as the whispering wind rustling through the trees at the dawn of a glorious new morn, “and tell me all about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- Day Saints.”

A Catholic priest on the other side of the crowd happened to notice Qonzilqointec’s sharp vampiric fangs protruding as she smiled.

The priest immediately crossed himself.

-To be continued.

– A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Sunday November 2nd
2014.

Permalink 2 Comments

Qonzilqointec In London

October 10, 2014 at 7:57 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, History, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec In London

MI-6 Agent Diablos Nocturna was in his London apartment reading documents about the unstable political situation in Turkey over Kurdish anger at the Turkish government’s refusal to use its military to defend the Syria-Turkey border town of Kobane.

A rustling came through the curtains of his apartment.

And standing there was the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec wearing a black evening dress and black spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

“Well, hello,” Diablos Nocturna put his folder of documents down.

“Hello, Diablos,” the Aztec vampire princess smiled, “if I may call you by the first name of your MI-6 code name.”

For Qonzilqointec had known Diablos Nocturna before he had become an MI-6 agent.

“Of course your Highness,” Diablos smiled, “what brings you to London?”.

“Well I spent a few days in Paris,” Qonzilqointec answered, “where I was meeting with various art dealers trying to buy a painting that Toulouse-Lautrec had once painted of me.”

“I didn’t know that Toulouse-Lautrec had once painted a picture of you,” Diablos Nocturna was suitably impressed.

“Yes,” Qonzilqointec smiled as she touched her jade earring, “two actually. One of me wearing a fashionable Parisienne evening gown of the 1890s and the other of me in the nude.”

“Toulouse painted one of you in the nude?” Diablos Nocturna had never heard this in the art history course he once took.

“Yes,” Qonzilqointec sighed, “unfortunately that particular painting went down on the Titanic.”

“No wonder there have been so many salvage trips down to the ocean depths to see what can be recovered from the Titanic,” Diablos Nocturna poured two glasses of red wine.

“Thanks,” the sexy and seductive Aztec vampire princess brushed back her hair as she accepted both the compliment and the glass of red wine.

“Anyone else try to paint a picture of you in the nude?” Diablos Nocturna was starting to regret not having taken any oil painting classes himself when he was younger.

“Pablo Picasso,” Qonzilqointec answered, “but since I had no desire to look like a cube or an ear or an eye with two noses, I turned down his request.”

Diablos Nocturna laughed.

In the distance sounded the howl of a wolf-like creature.

“That sounds like a werewolf,” said Qonzilqointec who was familiar with such creatures.

“It does indeed,” Diablos Nocturna agreed.

He too was familiar with such creatures.

“Never recalled hearing anything about there being a werewolf in the neighbourhood tonight,” Diablos sipped his wine, “there’s a trade union meeting in the neighbourhood labour hall at which far-left Marxist British Labour MP Magog Rhys Petley is the guest speaker.”

“Maybe the meeting is turning out to be a howling success,” the Aztec vampire princess suggested.

“Indeed,” Diablos Nocturna laughed, “so did you locate the painting that Toulouse-Lautrec painted of you fully clothed?”.

“I was fully clothed in an evening gown in the painting,” Qonzilqointec answered, “Henri himself was in the nude when he painted it.”

“I see,” Diablos Nocturna was intrigued, “and did he paint it using a brush or looking at you was he inspired enough to paint it using something else?”.

Now it was the Aztec vampire princess’ turn to laugh.

“I take it from the look on your face that you managed to locate the painting,” Diablos Nocturna poured two more glasses of red wine.

“Yes,” the Aztec vampire princess smoothed her dress, “I found it– this painting of me with its unique ‘brush’ strokes and mixes of paint and precious stains.”

“And what did the art dealer have to say when you bought it?” Diablos Nocturna asked.

“He said it was a good thing for art and history that the German businessman who bought the painting in the early 1930s took seriously ill the first week of May 1937 thus preventing both him and the painting from being aboard the Hindenburg that ill fated week,” Qonzilqointec answered.

“A good thing for art and history indeed,” Diablos Nocturna raised his glass of wine and drank a toast, “so anything else exciting happen to you in Paris?”.

“Well I watched that sleezy harlot Isis push Swiss scientist Dr. Fahrenheit Celsius off the bell tower of Notre Dame Cathedral which caused him to plunge to his death,” the Aztec vampire princess seethed through her vampiric fangs.

“Yes, I heard about that murder on the news here,” Diablos Nocturna finished his wine, “so it was the Vampiress Isis who committed it eh?”.

“Yes,” Qonzilqointec replied.

The news reported on BBC a week ago last Wednesday evening noted that not only had Dr. Celsius been killed but he had landed on top of a street corner poetry reciter killing him as well.

The street corner poetry reciter had just finished reciting John Donne’s famous lines, “Therefore, send not to know For whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee” when the bell tower plunging Swiss scientist fell on top of him.

As for the deep-rooted enmity between Qonzilqointec and Isis, that went back to the time when the French Emperor Napoleon III who served as an imperial puppet for the Vampiress Isis’ plans for world domination attempted to place a Hapsburg on the throne of Mexico as the Emperor Maximilian I.

This ticked off the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec who believed that the throne of Mexico was reserved for her spiritual godfather Quetzalcoatl.

“So you went to Paris to purchase a painting that Toulouse-Lautrec painted of you,” Diablos Nocturna smiled at Qonzilqointec, “what brings you to London?”.

“I came to see Dr. Cadbury Rocher,” Qonzilqointec answered, “and then I saw Renfield R. Renfield.”

“You saw the Vampire Set’s chief research scientist and then his shapeshifting hamster/human Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering?” Diablos Nocturna lit a pipe.

“That’s right,” the Aztec vampire princess nodded.

“So how’s Renfield doing?” Diablos Nocturna looked up the term Severe Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the Complete Oxford Dictionary and noticed Renfield’s picture was along side it.

“Well talking of oil paintings of people posing in the nude,” Qonzilqointec laughed, “Renfield boasted to me that a well-known Malaysian woman artist who I had never heard of had painted two oil paintings of him posing in the nude.”

“Really?” Diablos Nocturna started to choke on his pipe, “and whatever became of those paintings?”.

“Well one of them disappeared along with the plane that it was on- Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370,” the Aztec vampire princess replied, “and the other went down on Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 when the Amsterdam art dealer who bought it was trying to return it to the Kuala Lumpur art gallery from which he bought it to demand his money back.”

“I see,” Diablos Nocturna remarked.

“Although,” the Aztec vampire princess rubbed her chin, “there are rumours that it was found among the wreckage on the ground and its finding is responsible for giving recurring nightmares to Russian soldiers who are covertly operating in Ukrainian territory.”

“That I can believe,” Diablos Nocturna emptied his pipe.

“And now,” Qonzilqointec approached him, “I have discussed with Dr. Cadbury Rocher and Renfield R. Renfield a project I have in mind. And now I’m going to discuss that project with you.”

She leaned forward giving Diablos Nocturna a good view of her ample bosom down her low-cut evening dress.

“Well,” Diablos Nocturna said, “as Dr. Frasier Crane used to say on his Seattle radio call- in show on that old 1990s TV comedy series Frasier, ‘I’m listening’. ”

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
during the time period
of Tuesday October 7th
to
Friday October 10th
2014.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Qonzilqointec Arrives On Scene After Renfield Beheading of An ISIS Fighter Video

October 6, 2014 at 4:42 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Espionage, News, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Qonzilqointec Arrives On Scene After A Renfield Beheading of ISIS Fighter Video

In response to the ISIS beheading of British aid worker Alan Henning, British commandos turned over to Renfield R. Renfield yet another ISIS fighter they had captured and taken prisoner.

In previous videos he had made, Renfield had dressed an ISIS fighter in a clown suit and had electrocuted him using his own particular answer to the Ice Bucket Challenge that was all the craze during the summer of 2014.

Then in another video, he had dressed an ISIS fighter in a pink mini dress and long pink wig making him look like a transvestite drag queen of the decadent western world and then beheaded him to the tune of Culture Club’s Boy George singing Karma Chameleon.

In this new video that Renfield was filming, the ISIS fighter was standing completely naked and had his hands tied above his head to a rope hanging from the ceiling. His legs were then spread-eagled and his ankles chained to the floor.

Before the man had been stripped naked and placed in this room, he had been forced to down 10 pitchers of dissolved laxative pill laced ice water.

A group of mini skirted hookers that Renfield had hired from London’s East End then came into the room and put copies of The Quran in Arabic all over the floor and under the ISIS fighter.

Renfield then sat behind a mirrored window in the next room and had a beer and sampled some popcorn and wondered how long the ISIS fighter would be able to hold it before he ended up urinating and defecating on all those copies of The Quran.

It turned out the ISIS fighter wasn’t able to hold it very long.

To the man’s horror, his kidneys and bowels positively exploded and emptied all their contents all over those copies of the Quran.

Renfield then entered the room wearing an Ebola virus and infectious diseases style protection suit with protective masked helmet and protective boots.

He whistled the tune of the song Whistle While You Work as he approached the naked ISIS fighter.

He then took out his samurai sword and proceeded to behead the ISIS fighter in synchronized rhythm to the melody of Scheherazade the classical symphonic suite composed by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov that he then had playing in the ceiling loudspeakers of the room.

He then placed the severed head on top of the urine and dung-covered copies of the Quran.

He then gave the raspberry as he put a red beret on top of the man’s head.

He then proceeded to sing his own paraphrased version of Prince’s mid-80s song,

“He wore raspberry beret…”

. . .

Renfield then hacked into the Islamic State’s (IS) television broadcast signal where he inserted the video for the IS audience to watch.

The video ended with Renfield R. Renfield’s trademark and copyrighted raised middle finger logo and a voice saying, “Brought to you by Renfield Raspberry To The Caliphate Productions. All rights reserved. No part or portion of this video may be reproduced or redistributed in whole or in part without written permission from Renfield Raspberry To The Caliphate Productions…”

. . .

The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec was waiting for Renfield when he returned home from his London broadcasting studios.

As he entered the living room of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set’s colossal London mansion, there standing in the living room wearing a sunflower yellow coloured evening dress and ruby encrusted poppy red coloured super spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes was the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

“Mr. Renfield,” the Aztec vampire princess spoke in her sultry seductive voice, “I have something important to discuss with you.”

In Renfield’s mind, he could hear the melody of Roger Whittaker’s lyrics “I can feel a new tomorrow coming on” playing although those lyrics for him had been changed to “I can feel a new erection coming on” as Qonzilqointec stood there smoothing her exquisite and shapely form-hugging dress.

. . .

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Monday October 6th
2014.

Permalink 4 Comments