Cerberus and Pan Goatee In Vancouver

July 31, 2013 at 8:10 pm (Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

Cerberus and Pan Goatee In Vancouver

Pan Goatee had been reading all the Sydney Seagull poems that Dracul Van Helsing had written.

So he decided to go to Vancouver and see this strange eccentric bird for himself.

But after astral projecting himself to English Bay, he frightened off all the seagulls since he was carrying his astral machete with him.

Most of the humans on the beach were too stoned to be frightened by his astral machete.

Either that or they were pointing at it and saying in a brain dead zombie like voice,  “Wow.  That’s really cool, man.”

Pan Goatee who shared the Ancient Greek passion for true intellectual contemplation of the Realm of Platonic Forms thought these idiots were incapable of it and so beheaded them all thus reducing the amount of support for the Yes side in a possible B.C. Provincial Referendum on Marijuana Decriminalization to say nothing of reducing the base of support for Justin Trudeau’s Canadian Federal Liberal Party.

Since Pan Goatee did not know his way around Vancouver, he decided to call a halt to his astral projection and ride the Vancouver Transit System that all the travel books raved about.

But seeing as how today was the second round of the Honda Celebration of Light Vancouver Fireworks Festival Competition (and the host country of Canada was tonight’s competitor) the buses in Vancouver were full of $&@!ing people much to Pan Goatee’s disgust.

He went around beheading people left, right and centre (and even totally apathetic when it came to the political spectrum) in a one half-man half-goat attempt to make a dent in the world’s 7 billion population mark.

He tried boarding the next bus because the one he was on although now empty stank to high-heaven.

That one too was crowded- this one filled with people going to the Justin Timberlake concert being held tonight in Vancouver.

Pan Goatee raged, “Justin Timberlake?  I hate that guy for making Britney Spears cry.”

Although he had only been genetically created this year, a recent well-done documentary on MTV that he had watched had brought him up to speed on the music scene of the past 20 years.

Sadly his astral machete now required sharpening and there wasn’t an astral sharpening saw in sight.

He happened to see the 3-headed dog Cerberus astral project on to the scene.

Cerberus actually wanted to astral project to the Palace of Westminster in London, England but he made the mistake of asking a recently reformed alcoholic (who had only sworn off booze a few days before) for directions.

And this was where he wound up- in downtown Vancouver British Columbia.

“Cerberus,” Pan Goatee cried out to him,  “this bus is full of damned souls aka Justin Timberlake fans.  Come and eat them.”

Cerberus wagged his tail in a friendly fashion as he hadn’t had anything to eat in several days.

He boarded the bus and with his 3 heads that all required a carnivourous non-vegetarian diet bit and chewed and swallowed anyone and everyone in sight.

In the aftermath, all that was left on the bus was a lot of blood and a bunch of bodiless Justin Timberlake shirts.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday July 31st 2013.

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The Old Violinist and The Old Dog

July 31, 2013 at 12:58 am (Poetry) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

I first saw them a few nights ago


They were on the corner of Burrard and Alberni


as I rode by on the bus..


The dog lay with his head on the sidewalk


in peaceful contemplation


his eyes closed.


The old violinist was vigourously 


playing his violin.


What melody he played I do not know


for the bus windows were closed.


An old hippy walked by


shaking his head


as if to say,


You can’t teach an old dog new tricks


or an old musician new music.


The music he played was obviously




I figured.


Then last night as I walked up Robson Street


half-way up between Thurlow and Burrard


I saw them-


the old violinist


and the old dog.


The dog once again 


his head on the sidewalk


in peaceful contemplation.


I approached


and the melody touched my ears


like the softest velvet.


Never have I heard


Vivaldi’s Four Seasons played


so beautifully.


As a child,


my parents often took me to numerous symphony concerts.


I have listened to Vivaldi on radio and TV


and Galaxy satellite


and never have the beautiful Four Seasons


sounded so beautiful.


Vancouverites may not know it


but the streets of Vancouver are truly blessed 


as a master violinist sends his melodies


into the air 


before the Festival of Lights Fireworks


light up the night sky.




-A poem written by Christopher

 Sunday night

 July 28th 2013

 the night after the

 1st round of fireworks

 in the Vancouver Fireworks Festival

 Honda Celebration of Light

 Vancouver, British Columbia.

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