Athelstan The Valet Listens To Portions of Renfield’s Podcast

September 22, 2022 at 11:52 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Hera listens to British MP Renfield R. Renfield’s Thursday night podcast.

She was horrified by the possibility that Russian President Vladimir Putin might launch a nuclear attack on the West.

Renfield seemed to have insider information from Russia as well as knowing the contents of the Third Secret of Fatima (whose text the Vatican claimed to have released back in 2000 but they lied. They only released a vision associated with the secret not the secret itself).

Hera decided she must do something.

She didn’t want to see the destruction of planet Earth.

She got in touch with the Byzantine vampiress Theodora who in her mortal life had been the Byzantine Empress Theodora the wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian I.

Theodora had been turned into a vampiress on June 28th 548 AD by the ancient Babylonian vampiress Lilith.

Otherwise Theodora would have died from cancer.

“Hello,” Theodora picked up her phone at her estate in Athens, Greece.

. . .

Senile old fool Joe Biden was not listening to Renfield’s Thursday night podcast.

He was sniffing the needles on his marijuana smoking cactus planet which inhaled marijuana cigarettes and then exhaled marijuana smoke.

Biden believed the cactus needles were the hair of The Woman In Green.

The Woman In Green was the name of a 1945 Universal Pictures Sherlock Holmes film with Basil Rathbone as Holmes and Nigel Bruce as Dr. Watson that he watched on late night television last night.

“Mr. President,” one of his aides entered the Oval Office.

“Ow,” Joe pricked his nose on a cactus needle, “What is it?”.

“The wealthy residents of Martha’s Vineyard are once again complaining about immigrants being sent there,” his aide said.

“Who’s sending immigrants this time?” Biden wiped his nose with a used diaper, “Ron DeSantis or Greg Abbot?”.

“Greg Abbott the Governor of Texas,” his aide answered, “But this recent batch of immigrants are different. These are zombie 15th Century Aztec warriors recently raised from the dead in Mexico by a South African witch doctor at the behest of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec who’s the goddaughter of the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl (whom Utah Sen. Mitt Romney being Mormon thinks is the person of Jesus Christ when he visited the Americas according to Mormon teaching).”

“Why did Qonzilqointec send these zombie 15th Century Aztec warriors across the Mexico-U.S. border anyways?” Biden asked. “And does this Qonzilqointec have nice hair? Is it worth sniffing?”.

“Qonzilqointec is very beautiful, she does have nice hair and it probably is worth sniffing,” his aide explained.

“This new King Charles III of England was quite cranky when I sniffed the flowers on his mother’s coffin quite intently as the cameras looked away,” Biden recalled, “He asked me what the Hell I was doing? It was quite sad that it was a closed casket funeral. I quite enjoyed sniffing Her Majesty’s hair when she was alive. I wonder if…”

“Mr. President, to answer your 1st question,” his aide interjected, “The reason Qonzilqointec sent these living dead Aztec warriors across the border was to re-annex parts of the U.S. to a revived Aztec Empire.”

“But I don’t think Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts was ever part of the Aztec Empire,” Joe Biden reflected.

“It is now,” another aide entered the room.

. . .

Athelstan the butler and valet to the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was doing his daily housecleaning duties around the Set Estate mansion.

British MP Renfield R. Renfield (who lived in the mansion) was doing his Thursday night podcast from his bedroom.

Athelstan occasionally listened in before going on to his next cleaning job.

As he passed the room, he heard Renfield say, “They are a bunch of Belgian waffles who have fruits all over them…”

“Is Renfield talking about breakfast?” Athelstan asked Amadeus Emanon as he walked by.

“No,” Athelstan shook his head, “I think he’s talking about the Belgian Conference of (supposedly) Catholic Bishops who have voted to approve blessing gay unions.”

Athelstan dusted Set’s statue of Napoleon.

He walked by Renfield’s room where he heard Renfield say, “The Vatican is a Communist craphole…”

When he finished dusting Set’s nude statue of Pauline Borghese as Venus Victrix, he passed Renfield’s room again where Renfield asked, “What does Joe Biden have in common with the Vatican?”.

When he had finished dusting the statue of Queen Cleopatra, again he passed Renfield’s room where Renfield said, “Meanwhile in other news, U.S. Vice-President Kamala Harris is bitching that a group of zombie 15th Century Aztec warriors have taken over her house…”

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday September 22nd
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos At Bus Stop As Demon Buffalo Watches

September 7, 2022 at 10:25 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

It was a very peculiar mist in the city.

It came out of nowhere and started eating people.

As if it was an invisible man-eating plant turned to low-lying mist.

Eugenicist billionaire Bill Gates was travelling in the city incognito.

He had heard there were all sorts of weird genetic and breeding experiments going on in the city.

He was puzzled by the mist.

“I must look into this further,” he mused.

His limousine pulled up and he got in.

Nearby the world-famous genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was about to enter a donut shop.

As he looked through the window, he noticed a really repulsive looking uglo sitting there with her little brat.

The satyr decided not to enter the donut shop.

Instead he went to a bus stop to take the bus home.

As he stood there waiting for the bus to show up, Pan Goatee noticed the repulsive looking uglo with her little brat leaving the donut shop.

The repulsive looking uglo and her little brat then crossed the street and started walking in the direction of the bus stop.

“Don’t tell me that the repulsive looking uglo and her little brat are headed towards this bus stop,” Goatee said.

“All right, I won’t tell you that,” Krampus picked his nose while waiting to pick up the remains of what would most likely be the satyr’s latest uglocide and bratocide.

Krampus was quite correct.

Pan threw his astral laser machete at the obnoxious duo.

The machete beheaded the repulsive looking uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

It then beheaded the uglo’s brat and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus had already packed up the remains and put them in his sack for delivery to Tartarus by the time the bus arrived.

As the bus pulled up, two fat ugly looking blimps then proceeded to get off the front of the bus.

“You may not want to leave just yet,” the Demon Buffalo remarked to Krampus as the former, in cannibalistic Italian film festival fashion, ate a buffalo flavoured popsicle and the latter was just about to enter the multidimensional portal to take him to Tartarus.

Sure enough Pan Goatee beheaded both fat ugly blimps and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

He then decided not to get on that bus and instead took a bus headed the opposite direction.

The Demon Buffalo joined the satyr on that bus and sat next to him.

As the Demon Buffalo worked on a crossword puzzle, he asked Pan, “I gather those four uglos you beheaded at that bus stop back there were genetically created by the Spirit Great-Grandmother of the West (leader of the Circle of Spirits so beloved by Pope Francis and his Canadian Catholic hierarchy) using interbreeding between walruses and sasquatch?”.

“That is correct,” Pan nodded.

Eventually after taking the long way around, the satyr got home.

Later he decided to go to a nearby grocery store to see if they had finally brought in the particular brand of cold meats that he loved.

Pan hoped they weren’t being permanently replaced by Bill Gates recommended bugs and insects.

Tonight they were in so Pan bought a few packages.

He walked to a bus stop to take the bus home.

He stood at the bus stop enjoying the evening air.

When lo and behold, another repulsive looking uglo (this one of the caucasian and not aboriginal First Nations variety) decided to show up showing her ugly face for the world to admire.

Pan did not feel any admiration for her facially aesthetically challenged face as can be seen by the fact that he beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Goatee once again took a bus headed in the opposite direction.

The Demon Buffalo once again sat next to Pan while holding a copy of the latest edition of the Serial Killers’ Almanac that he had been reading.

“I take it,” the Demon Buffalo commented while reading up on the serial killing statistics for Iceland, “that the uglo you beheaded back there was part of the experimental genetics program being overseen by the Norse trickster god Loki and Dr. Anthony Fauci involving interbreeding between female stoats and moronic low IQ human males?”.

“That is correct,” Pan nodded.

. . .

Ever since Thursday September 1st 2022 (the 83rd anniversary of the Nazi invasion of Poland) in which senile old fool Joe Biden had sacrificed a previously unknown (to him) daughter named Liberty to the Greek goddess Artemis (in an effort to save NASA’s latest moon rocket program) and then gave a Nazi fascist Stalinist Evil Galactic Empire speech in Philadelphia, Joe was being advised by the ghosts of both Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler.

On that fatal (for Liberty) morning of Thursday September 1st 2022, the ghosts of Theosophist leaders Helena Petrovna Blavatsky, Annie Besant and Alice A. Bailey had negotiated a peace treaty and a renewed Nazi-Soviet Pact between the ghosts of Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin.

The man selected to enforce this renewed Nazi-Soviet Pact on the world was senile old fool Joe Biden.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Wednesday September 7th
2022.

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Greek Goddess Hera and Samhain Cardinal Salaman

September 5, 2022 at 9:40 pm (Art History, Geopolitics and International Relations, History, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Hera was modelling at a fashion show in Rome, Italy

Bothered by the infidelity of her chronically unfaithful husband the Greek god Zeus, Hera was trying to gain some self confidence by modelling among the most beautiful women in the world at a fashion show in Rome.

Among the guests who would be attending the fashion show was Samhain Cardinal Salaman.

Cardinal Salaman was one of the few heterosexual Cardinals to work in Pope Francis’ Vatican which had been described by one commentator as “one vast uncloseted closet of gays”.

The Grindr hook-up app was the most downloaded app in the Vatican today.

Pope Alexander VI (aka Rodrigo Borgia) was turning over in his rotating barbeque spit down in Tartarus over the news that his Vatican of intense heterosexual lust and orgies had become a Vatican of intense homosexual lust and orgies under Pope Francis.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was anxious to see real women for a change rather than the fairy queens who paraded up and down the halls of the contemporary Vatican.

Although according to members of Joe Biden’s cabinet and the brainless mainstream media there was no such being as a real woman anymore.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was impressed by Hera’s performance on the catwalk in this early September Roman fashion show.

After the show was over, he went backstage to the dressing rooms to talk to the Olympian goddess.

“Excuse me but aren’t you the Greek goddess Hera?” Samhain Cardinal Salaman asked her.

Hera the beautiful goddess (often left alone by the “always searching for a new pussy” Zeus) turned to look at him.

“I am,” she answered, “Aren’t you Samhain Cardinal Salaman the only heterosexual Cardinal who works full time at the Vatican?”.

Later that evening the Cardinal and the goddess had dinner and wine together in an exclusive Rome restaurant.

“So how did you recognize me?” Hera asked the Cardinal.

“From your busts, statues and portraits that are kept in the lower floors of the Vatican,” Samhain answered, “At one time they were on the main floor of the Vatican but after Jorge Mario Bergoglio was elected Pope, all those works of art were moved downstairs and replaced by all the busts, naked statues and nude portraits of the ancient Greek gods. No goddesses allowed.”

“It’s a wonder why Francis has not commissioned new works of art for the Vatican that are inclined towards his tastes,” Hera licked a pair of olives from her martini.

“Well it was tried once with a notorious Australian male model named Uncle Ernie (who had posed for Salvador Dali back in the 1950s). Uncle Ernie served as the model for a nude Goliath. However after the world’s first microscope, invented by Dutch father and son team Hans and Zacharias Janssen in 1590 and kept in the Vatican Archives, was broken after the papal investigation team tried to locate something that was apparently far far less than gargantuan on Uncle Ernie posing as Goliath’s statue, a new work of art was never commissioned again,” Cardinal Salaman explained.

“Interesting,” Hera swallowed the olives.

They got around to discussing the recently failed Artemis 1 moon rocket launches.

“I’ve been told they failed because Artemis is furious that Joe Biden apparently killed at least two of her sacred deer on a deer hunting expedition last fall,” Cardinal Salaman ate his spaghetti.

“That is true,” Hera nodded, “Originally Artemis just thought that one of her sacred deer was slain. So senile old fool Joe sacrificed a daughter from an extra marital affair to Artemis last Thursday in Philadelphia. Just before Joe gave his Hitlerian Fuhrer like speech (with Nazi flag colours in the background behind him) in Philadelphia in which he threatened to send the military after half of the electorate in the country. ”

“Yes, I heard that Joe did such a good job at impersonating a Hitler under the influence of alcohol and an Henry VIII style over indulgence in roast beef (the original Fuhrer was both a teetotaler and a vegetarian) that apparently an independent film producer is thinking of making a film in which both Joe Biden and Justin Trudeau will have the lead starring roles,” Cardinal Salaman noted, “The movie will be about Adolf Hitler meeting Jesse Owens at the 1936 Summer Olympics.”

“Yes, I heard that too,” Hera smiled.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Monday September 5th
2022.

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Pope Francis Adopts Witches’ Calendar To Promote Season of Creation

September 1, 2022 at 10:43 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, Sorcery, The Occult, Vampire novel, witchcraft) (, , , , , , , , , )

Samhain Cardinal Salaman was reading the latest directives from Pope Francis.

Pope Francis was ordering that all Vatican linked institutions must turn over their accounts to the Vatican Bank by October 1st 2022.

“What’s up with that?” Cardinal Salaman wondered.

He then read a report from a Vatican Jesuit spy in Washington DC.

According to the Vatican Jesuit spy, Joe Biden sacrificed some unknown young woman to a statue of the Greek goddess Artemis while a NASA big shot named Dr. Nachash Naga sang the Leonard Cohen song Hallelujah.

“I think that particular Jesuit spy must be eating too many magic mushrooms,” Cardinal Salaman sipped his coffee.

He then read another directive from Pope Francis.

Francis had just proclaimed a new season called the Season of Creation which runs from September 1st to October 4th.

Interestingly enough the Southern Hemisphere Spring/Northern Hemisphere Autumn Equinox falls smack dab in the middle of the Season of Creation.

Which leads one to speculate that Pope Francis had borrowed his idea for a Season of Creation from the witches’ wiccan calendar.

Francis seemed to be heavy into practicing witchcraft these days.

A number of years back he had opened a Catholic World Youth Day by carrying a witch’s stang into the assembly.

Back on October 4th 2019 the Pontiff presided over a ceremony in which an idol of the Inca demon goddess Pachamama was brought into the Vatican.

Then on July 27th 2022, Francis listened with his hand over his heart as a Huron-Wendat shaman invoked the Spirit Great Grandmother of the West who was the leader of the Circle of Spirits.

The Spirit Great Grandmother was known by various names such as Spider Grandmother in Navajo, Hopi, Apache and Pueblo traditions. She was the pre-Columbian Teotihuacan Great Goddess. She was called Toci Yoalticitl by the Aztecs. She was called Ixchel by the Mayas.

Samhain Cardinal Salaman fell asleep and dreamed he was visiting a misty marsh he often visited in his boyhood.

In the middle of the misty marsh was a vampiress witch who was celebrating Pope Francis’ new Season of Creation.

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday September 1st
2022.

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North By Northwest: Red August of The Sturgeon Moon

August 11, 2022 at 10:19 pm (Film, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, International Intrigue, News, Politics, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , )

Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint in Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 film North By Northwest

Alfred Hitchcock’s 1959 film North By Northwest starring Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint is a tale of spies, danger and intrigue.

And Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster was in his lobster tank at London’s Set Enterprises watching the film on his waterproof 72 inch widescreen flat screen TV.

Why was Michelangelo watching this film on this night of all nights?

Therein hangs a tale.

Quite possibly a fish tale (fish tail).

Tonight was the night of the full moon- the August full moon – called the Sturgeon Moon.

It is said among fishermen that the best night to catch sturgeon was on the night of the Sturgeon Moon (the August full moon).

Interestingly enough tonight’s full moon- the August Sturgeon Moon- will be the last supermoon of this year.

This Sturgeon Moon will be the fourth supermoon in a row after the Buck Moon in July, Strawberry Moon in June and Flower Moon in May.

A celestial meteor shower will also be seen tonight in conjunction with this year’s last Supermoon.

Anyhow since tonight’s full moon is a Sturgeon Moon (and a Sturgeon Supermoon at that) and it is said among fishermen that the best night to catch sturgeon was on the night of the Sturgeon Moon, Michelangelo’s employer the London based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set decided to go fishing in Canada’s Northwest to catch sturgeon.

And it was then that Renfield mentioned the film North By Northwest to Michelangelo.

So Michelangelo was watching the movie.

In the film version that Michelangelo was watching, the film’s villain Phillip Vandamm (played by James Mason) says, “One day our side of the Cold War will take over the American FBI.”

. . .

The United States’ Neo-Bolshevik Communist Attorney-General Merrick Garland was holding a press conference discussing the Neo-Bolshevik Communist FBI raid on Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate.

As he took questions, he was suddenly confronted by the ghost of famous American criminal trial lawyer and defense attorney Johnnie Cochran.

Said Cochran to Garland,

“You’re a Marxist-Leninist man
Who belongs in the nearest trash can
Mark my words
You pile of turds
The day of reckoning is soon at hand
And you won’t have a leg to stand
You’re always seeking to intimidate
Cause you have no tool to use to masturbate …”

. . .

At the Vatican, Pope Francis was looking flashed and flushed after having spent the day meeting with members of Rome’s transvestite transexual prostitute community.

This was the fourth time this year that the pontiff had met with the group.

A statement issued from the Vatican Press Office said that Pope Francis was offering spiritual comfort to them.

Now Pope Francis was getting his daily briefing of world events from one of his Jesuit aides.

When the aide had finished, Francis directed him to “find out which entity it was who had hired the ghost of Johnnie Cochran to act as Donald Trump’s ghostly defense attorney.”

-A vampire novel chapter
Written by Christopher
Thursday August 11th
2022.

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The Demon Buffalo Sends A Text Message

August 4, 2022 at 10:11 pm (Aesthetics, Folklore, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, Sorcery, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , )

The Norse trickster god Loki was getting increasingly ticked off that genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was bumping off his (Loki’s) genetically created female uglo offspring.

So much so that demons allied with Loki were playing interference with the traffic lights at the intersection where the bus that Pan Goatee was riding was stopped.

The demons held up the traffic lights even longer than usual.

Finally when the light finally turned green, the bus was unable to quickly turn left because a couple of slow moving pedestrians (at a traffic corner that rarely had any pedestrians) were being outraced by snails as they crossed the street.

To make matters even worse for Pan Goatee, the slow moving pedestrian bimbos were also a couple of super repulsive female uglos.

Pan opened the bus window across from him, put his astral laser machete on auto-pilot and threw it out the window.

The astro laser machete then beheaded both of the super repulsive female uglos and cut them up into 999 trillion pieces each.

Loki did an impersonation of Joe Biden doing a major blow out in his Depends diapers when he heard the news that Pan had beheaded a couple more of his ugly uglo female progeny at the satanic demonically controlled traffic crossing.

The rest of Pan’s afternoon bus trip went off without incident.

However later that night Pan went out for an evening bus trip and on the way back home Pan saw the same purple and pink haired uglo getting on board the bus as he had beheaded and dismembered last night.

“What I thought I had killed you last night, bitch,” Pan reached for his astral laser machete, “Quite inconsiderate of you not to stay dead especally when Krampus carried your remains to the lower circles of Tartarus.”

Unbeknownst to Pan, the evil mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci (an ally of Loki) had genetically created a clone of the purple and pink haired uglo.

So after the original had been beheaded and dismembered last night, Dr. Fauci had arranged for the uglo’s clone to board the bus at the same uglo bat time in the same uglo bat neighbourhood.

The genetically cloned uglo was now being beheaded and cut up into 999 trillion pieces.

After the beheading and multiple trillion dismemberment of the uglo clone, Pan Goatee received a text message from the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake and Lac Ste. Anne.

Said the Demon Buffalo, “Here’s more information about the Great Western Grandmother who was invoked by a Huron shaman at the Citadel in Quebec City last week in the presence of satanic AntiPope Francis, his retinue of bishops and cardinals as well as the pale faced (as opposed to black faced) Justin Trudeau. The Great Western Grandmother who’s called Spider Grandmother in the folklore and traditions of the Hopi, Zuma, Navajo and Pueblo peoples.
The Great Western Grandmother is also called Toci Yoalticitl (“Our Grandmother The Nocturnal Physician”) by the Aztecs.
She is apparently an earth goddess who inhabits the sweatbath according to the Aztecs.
She was called Ixchel by the Mayas (she appears as a supposedly good alien being in New Age writer Madeleine L’ Engle’s book A Wrinkle In Time) and she has 4 symbols in 4 different colours – red, white, black and yellow which are associated with the 4 different segments of the Universe.
The name Ixchel means “Rainbow Woman” which is probably why the sodomites and transgenders adopted the rainbow as their symbol and why Pope Francis’ Vatican is so prone to displaying the Pride rainbow.
Interestingly enough on her head Ixchel wore a serpent and the pattern on her skirt was of bones in the form of a Cross.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Thursday August 4th
2022.

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Demon Buffalo Watches Fauci Created Repulsive Ugly Looking Female Get Beheaded By Pan Goatee

July 22, 2022 at 9:34 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , )

The Black Forest Ham Sandwich at Subway restaurants is quite delicious.

Of course if Bill Gates, Justin Trudeau, the World Economic Forum and Pope Francis’ Vatican have their way, that will be replaced by the Black Fly Insect Sandwich.

As the great Irish-Jewish American science-fiction writer George Finneganburg noted, “Bugs are coming and we will eat them… sauteed, butteried, fried, boiled… and we will be grateful…”

Pan Goatee had just been in a Subway restaurant where he ate a Black Forest Ham Sandwich.

Something that would be unavailable after the World Economic Forum Great Reset on Sandwiches and Burgers had taken place.

As he crossed the street, he noticed a female cyclist on a bicyle wearing an overarching helmet, a bandana and dark sunglasses.

Goatee deduced that either she was an uglo (and didn’t want to be beheaded) or she was up to some nefarious activity.

Looking at the backpack on her back which was stuffed with green dye stained $100 bills as well as a handgun, Pan deduced that it was the latter. Although it could have been the former as well.

The satyr did not bother to find out.

He beheaded the criminal female cyclist and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Thus saving the Canadian taxpayer the cost of a court trial.

As Goatee walked down the street, he passed a bus stop booth where stood a really super repulsively ugly looking female.

She was not of the fat ugly blimp variety.

She was quite thin (no doubt having adopted the Bill Gates recommended Scarsdale Airhead Diet of mealworms and crickets).

Since Pan wasn’t going to catch a bus at that stop, he didn’t bother to behead the repulsive looking uglo.

Unbeknownst to Pan however, the repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo was an assassin working for mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Fauci, in an Axis of Evil with the Norse trickster god Loki, was the man responsible for genetically creating hundreds of thousands of ugly looking women in the City of Calgary.

Both Fauci and Loki were ticked off at the fact that Goatee had beheaded so many of their ugly looking creation.

This particularly repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo had scored the highest score on a Fauci-Loki created IQ test administered among Calgary female uglos.

She had scored a whopping 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000001% on the answers.

So she had been given a Fauci-Loki invented laser death ray hand gun (that was available to the general public through a mail order house in Chicago) and instructed to vapourize Pan Goatee into non-existence.

The super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo pointed the laser death ray hand gun in the direction of Pan Goatee.

She should have pointed the gun straight at the satyr.

But being an airhead, she pointed the gun up into the air and vapourized a rope held scaffold platform sending some poor window cleaner plunging to his death.

She then raced and ran to get in front of Pan.

The fact that the satyr could still be seen walking down the sidewalk should have clued the clueless airhead into the fact that Pan Goatee hadn’t been vapourized into non-existence.

But being an airhead, she had no clue.

Goatee then beheaded the super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x etc. etc. … pieces.

The Greek god Ares (who was filling in for the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon Krampus who was on summer vacation) arrived to pick up the remains of the super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo and carry them down to Tartarus.

The Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake stopped Ares.

“Allow me,” the demon buffalo’s eyes glowed fiery red, “to carry this ugly looking bitch’s remains down to the lowest level of Hell where she belongs.”

As the demon buffalo of Buffalo Lake carried the ugly looking bitch down to the lowest level of Hell where she belongs, Pan Goatee decided to go to his favourite downtown lounge to have a cool refreshing drink on this hot summer day.

As he approached the lounge he noticed a super repulsively ugly looking thin female uglo standing about a dozen feet away from the entrance.

Not wanting to take any chances that this uglo was likewise a Fauci-Loki trained assassin, Pan likewise beheaded this super repulsively ugly thin female uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Ares arrived to pick up the remains.

. . .

Pope Francis was sitting in his office.

A Jesuit anthropologist and folklore expert who had been sent to Alberta to discover the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake entered the office to orally deliver his report.

“So Father Grimm, what have you discovered about the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake, Alberta?” Bergoglio asked.

“Hadn’t we better lower the Cone of Silence and I can tell you on the off chance that Vladimir Putin has this place bugged… or I should say… wiretapped?” Father Grimm suggested.

The Vatican’s Cone of Silence had been invented by a Jesuit inventor who had drank one too many tequilas and who had watched one too many episodes of the 1960s television series Get Smart.

Pope Francis pushed an intercom on his desk, “Cardinal Frutti, lower the Cone of Silence.”

The Cone of Silence was lowered.

“So, Father Grimm,” Bergoglio addressed the Jesuit anthropologist and folklore expert, “what have you found out about the origins of the Demon Buffalo of Buffalo Lake?”.

“Nothing,” Father Grimm replied.

“Cardinal Frutti,” Francis again pushed the intercom on his desk, “Raise the Cone of Silence.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written Friday July 22nd
2022.

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Ghost of Richard M. Nixon Comments On An Award Winning Logo

July 4, 2022 at 9:48 pm (Commentary, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, Religion, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , )

“Pope Alexander VI has several mistresses but I want only you”

The Renaissance Popes were notorious for the number of concubines and illegitimate children they had.

That problem would not affect the Vatican 500 years later.

BBC News Announcer: Pope Francis’ choice of a “rainbow” logo by a male Italian massage therapist is sparking a firestorm with a phone number linking the logo designer to a gay porn site.

At a press conference in the Apostolic Palace this past Tuesday June 28th, the Vatican declared Giacomo Travisani (a practitioner of New Age healing and sensual massage therapies) the winner of its contest for the logo of the Vatican Jubilee Year 2025.

Travisani wiped his professional Facebook page clean on Friday morning July 1st as controversy over his sexuality and profession escalated.

A mobile phone number on the therapist’s professional Facebook page has been identified as the same number on a gay porn website.

The number advertises, in Italian, a “beautiful massager for singles, couples at home.”

In the description, Travisani describes himself as “a nice masseur, dark, cute, beef, male, performs only at home, anti-stress massage for him only or couples” offering “50 minutes of relaxation, well-being and intense plesure”.

Pope Francis personally picked Travisani’s logo as the winner of the top 3 chosen submissions Archbishop Rino Fisichella told reporters at the Tuesday June 28th Vatican press conference.

The contest received 294 entries from 213 cities and 48 different countries with participants ranging from 6 to 83 submitting their art work.

“In fact,” Archbishop Fisichella noted, “many were handmade drawings by children all over the world and it was truly moving to review these drawings that were the fruit of imagination and simple faith.”

“But,” British MP Renfield R. Renfield commented as he watched the BBC News story on his television, “In Pope Francis’ eyes, what was the fruit of imagination and simple faith could not compete with the fruit of a fruit.”

Renfield’s friend Amadeus Emanon was watching the same BBC News story on his television.

He was also reading a book that was a biography of the late former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon.

The page he was reading detailed a conversation that then President Nixon was having with a White House aide, “That Bohemian Grove is the faggiest goddamned thing you can imagine. I never shake hands with anyone who comes from San Francisco anymore.”

As BBC showed the Giacomo Travisani winning logo for Jubilee 2025 that consisted of 4 Sodom and Gomorrah Rainbow Pride individuals hugging a broken, bent and twisted Cross, the ghost of Richard M. Nixon appeared alongside Amadeus Emanon and commented, “That Pope Francis chose the faggiest goddamned design you can imagine. You better not shake hands with anyone who comes from the Vatican anymore.”

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Saturday July 2nd
2022.

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Pan Goatee Beheads Brainless Uglo While Matthew Fox Is In The Running To Become The Next Unholy Grand Inquisitor

April 14, 2022 at 10:59 pm (Aesthetics, Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, News, The Occult, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Krampus The Demon much prefers Christmas to April snowstorms

It was April.

And there was a huge snowstorm happening.

So much for global warming.

Former U.S. Vice-President Al Gore found himself buried under 6 feet of snow.

And as far as the snow clearing crews were concerned, Gore could remain buried.

While much of North America found itself buried under feet of white, the Oval Office in the White House found itself buried under feet of brown.

“My Depends runneth over,” senile old Joe whined.

Today was also the 110th Anniversary of the night the Titanic struck an iceburg.

Ukraine marked the anniversary by sinking the pride and flagship of the Russian Navy’s Black Sea fleet the guided-missile cruiser Moskva.

Meanwhile the charismatic genetically created satyr serial killer Pan Goatee was riding a bus.

His stomach started to churn when a repulsive uglo got on the bus.

However unlike many uglos, she went and sat at the back of the bus so Goatee wouldn’t have to look at her repulsive ugly face.

Later Goatee went to a office to get some paper work done and faxes sent.

He was out walking when the same repulsive uglo he had seen on the bus earlier was now walking straight towards him.

“What? Seeing your stupid ugly face twice in the same day? I’m making sure it doesn’t happen again,” Goatee beheaded the repulsive uglo and cut her up into 999 trillion pieces.

Krampus the demon arrived being pulled in a one horse open sleigh through the blinding snowstorm.

“It’s almost Easter and it’s starting to look a lot like Christmas,” Krampus observed.

Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Peter Cottontail (hopping down the bunny trail) collided on the icy snowy streets.

. . .

Meanwhile at the Vatican in Rome, satanic AntiPope Francis, as he had done on the island of Malta, was directing that all Crosses and Crucifixes be taken down so as not to offend Muslims.

Meanwhile on loudspeakers parked outside the Vatican, the voice of British MP Renfield R. Renfield could be heard reading aloud Canto 28 of Dante’s Inferno.

And Pope Francis was telling an aide that he was thinking of appointing the New Age astrology believing and witchcraft practicing Episcopalian priest Father Matthew Fox (who had been a Dominican priest until he had been investigated for his whacko beliefs by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger the future Pope Benedict XVI) to be the new head of the Congregation For The Doctrine of the Faith.

It would be the new Unholy Grand Inquistor’s job to enforce the syncretistic beliefs of Jorge Mario Bergoglio’s new Church to be called Mystery Babylon The Mother of Harlots.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday April 14th
2022.

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Aphrodite and Amarok

January 22, 2022 at 11:08 pm (Geopolitics and International Relations, International Intrigue, Mythology, News, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , )

The Greek goddess Aphrodite with the wolf Amarok

French President Emmanuel Macron and Austrian Chancellor Karl Nehammer had both issued decrees that even the gods and goddesses of the world’s various pantheons must be vaccinated against Covid.

Dr. Anthony Fauci had his arm broken in 10 places when he tried to inject the Hindu goddess Kali in her 10 arms.

Karl Nehammer of Austria had fallen to his death after getting hit by Mjolnir the hammer of Thor when he tried to jab the Norse thunder god’s arm.

French President Emmanuel Macron personally chased the Greek goddess Aphrodite to the Arctic Circle to jab her arm.

He found himself being eaten by the wolf Amarok for his troubles.

Amarok wolfed down the Neo-Vichy tyrant’s body with French champagne.

As it was the only way to make the despot’s body digestible.

Michelangelo the Psychic Lobster awoke from his dream and wondered, would these two European Union dingbats really try to enforce compulsory vaccinations on the gods and goddesses of the nations?

. . .

Even though Jorge Mario Bergoglio didn’t really believe the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ was present in the Eucharistic host Communion wafer, he decided to inject one (stolen from a Society of St. Pius X tabernacle) with Pfizer, Moderna, AstraZenica and Johnson and Johnson all at once.

After injecting it (Him if it was indeed Christ), he listened with great agony to a classical music 33-rpm record that he was recently forced to buy at a Rome music shop called Stereosound in Via della Minerva near the world-famous Pantheon when he undertook a phoney photo-op to give the world the impression that he was a connoiseur of classical music like his predecessor Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI.

On Tuesday January 11 2022 Francis supposedly made a “surprise visit” to Stereosound at around 7 PM in a white Fiat 500 L to bless the recently renovated premises.

By a “sheer twist of fate” a reporter Javier Martinez-Brocal (reporter for Rome Reports an Opus Dei media outfit that is Francis’ chief media cheerleader and the author of Pope Francis’ Spanish hagiographical biography El Papa de la Misericordia (The Pope of Mercy) and the author of the documentary Francis: The People’s Pope) just happened to be “on hand” to snap the Pope’s picture.

On the record he was forced to listen to, a piece from Mozart’s Don Giovanni was being played.

In the piece a statue of the Commendatore (a military general that Don Giovanni (the Spanish Don Juan) had slain after Don Giovanni had seduced his daughter) was calling on Don Giovanni to repent for his errant ways.

Don Giovanni refuses and he is soon surrounded by a chorus of demons who carries him down to Hell.

As Francis yawned listening to the piece, the statue of the Commendatore appeared to the AntiPope and commanded him to repent.

Francis said “There is no Hell” and found himself surrounded by a chorus of demons who begged to differ.

He was carried down there.

Francis woke up screaming.

It had been a dream.

Suddenly he heard a record drop and the piece from Mozart’s Don Giovanni began to play.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christophe
Saturday January 22nd
2022.

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