Atargatis In Moscow

October 14, 2022 at 10:58 pm (Art History, Geopolitics and International Relations, Ghost Story, History, International Intrigue, News, painting, The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis in the Kremlin

Russian President Vladimir Putin had stopped off in a Kremlin tea shop to watch the broadcast of the Russian state controlled television news network.

Said news announcer Dmitri Bullshitovich, “In London, England today two members of the environmentalist group Just Stop Oil threw tomato soup at Vincent Van Gogh’s famous 1888 painting Sunflowers at the National Gallery in London.
The contents of two tins of Heinz tomato soup were thrown at the painting.
The ghost of Andy Warhol was overheard to say, “Thank God no cans of Campbell’s Tomato Soup were used.”
The two Just Stop Oil climate change protestors’ 15 minutes of fame came to a sudden and abrupt end when British MP Renfield R. Renfield used the headsman’s axe from the 1933 Alexander Korda directed Charles Laughton starring film The Private Life of Henry VIII to chop off one of each of the two airheaded protestors’ hands (which they had foolishly glued to the wall underneath the painting).
Athough the Metropolitan London Police Force in a press release statement rather euphemistically described the Renfield procedure as “Specialist officers have now unglued them…”
As the protestors were led away in one handcuff each, a holographic image of American singer-songwriter Don McLean appeared and started singing, “I could have told you, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you…”
As an organ grinder and his monkey were gunned down and killed outside the National Gallery as yet another example of London’s rising crime rate, the holographic image of Don McLean then appeared outside and began singing “The day the music died…”
Meanwhile all across England, members of Just Stop Oil were apparently visited by an invisible 6 foot 8 tall Welsh pooka bunny rabbit (seen by members who had been drinking Harvey Wallbangers) and had an American cream pie laced with tomato soup thrown in their face.
After the cream pie was thrown, the ghost of Vincent Van Gogh then appeared and started singing, “I have no ear for music…”

Russian President Vladimir Putin continued walking down the hall, “I have the feeling that that particular Russian state television news story was true.”

Indeed it was for Putin’s supernatural spirit advisor the demon Moloch (who was appearing to Putin in the guise of Saint Michael the Archangel) had fled upon hearing the news story for he couldn’t stand listening to the truth.

When Putin entered his office, he was surprised to see the Syro-Phoenician goddess Atargatis sitting there.

Putin recognized it was Atargatis from an unknown (to the world) Vincent Van Gogh portrait painting of Atargatis that the Kremlin owned.

The painting had been purchased from Van Gogh by a Saint Petersburg art dealer just before the artist died in 1890 and had been given by the art dealer to Czar Alexander III that same year of 1890.

“What does Atargatis the mother of Semiramis the 1st queen of Babylon want with me?” Putin asked.

“I want you to stop invading Ukraine, turn around and invade the State of Israel instead,” Atargatis answered.

Putin spit the tea he had just sipped out of his mouth.

The tea went flying across the room and hit the ghost of Orson Welles in his beard.

It was a good thing Welles was a ghost.

Otherwise he’d have tea stains in his beard.

“And what are you doing here?” Putin asked Welles’ ghost.

“I’ve come to make you an offer from Renfield R. Renfield that you can’t refuse,” Welles pulled out a spectral violin case.

Atargatis? Or Welles?

Whose offer should he Putin accept?

“You’ll be the new villain of Hannukah if you invade Israel,” Welles pointed out.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Friday October 14th
2022.

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Haiku About Vincent Van Gogh

February 5, 2015 at 7:46 pm (Art, History, Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About Vincent Van Gogh

Starry night Van Gogh
eyes of China blue with slice
of ear missing too

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Where’s Renfield When You Really Need Him?

February 20, 2014 at 8:47 pm (Humour, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Where’s Renfield When You Really Need Him?

Dr. Cadbury Rocher scratched his head and some more dandruff fell out.

Damn! he thought.

Maybe he should start using that American brand Head and Shoulders shampoo instead of that expensive French shampoo that smelled like lavender robed in the blooming garb of spring which his wife bought for him in upscale downtown London hair salons on the recommendation of male hairstylists who did perpetual Truman Capote voice impersonations.

Back to the matter at hand.

He had intercepted two Italian secret service agents Giuseppe and Antonio last night who were trying to steal DNA samples from the Set Enterprises Laboratories lab.

But he had no idea how to interrogate them.

Renfield R. Renfield who was the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises was in France where he had been swept away by the gale force rain and wind storms that had been attacking Britain this past winter.

He was now in Paris living out the lives of various great artists who had lived in that city.

Last night he had been Toulouse-Lautrec.

Today he was Vincent Van Gogh.

Feeling a bit squeamish about cutting off his own ear, Renfield decided to cut off the ear of someone else instead.

He was now in a Paris courtroom facing charges of aggravated assault.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 20th
2014.

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Pan Goatee and Neb-Senu

June 28, 2013 at 3:18 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee the serial killing satyr 

pan piper and roller skater 

half-man half goat 

he’ll slit your throat   

or maybe your gut 

but if you’ve got one testicle 

he’ll spare your nut 

he is wanted by DARPA 

because without a magic carpa’  

he can astral project 

like invisible stealth jet 

and wander across the globe 

cutting off an ear lobe  

and then added it to Van Gogh’s self-portrait 

 

causing museum curators to have a fit
and now he’s in a museum again
like it’s his personal play pen
saying to the statue of Neb-Senu
who some proposed to hold down with glue,
“Come astral project with me.”
Statue replied, “But first I have to pee.”
In the Manchester Museum’s washroom a great commotion
as Egyptian statue sings, “Come on do the locomotion…”

-Written by Christopher
Friday afternoon
June 28th 2013.

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