Haiku About Vincent Van Gogh

February 5, 2015 at 7:46 pm (Art, History, Poetry) (, , , , )

Haiku About Vincent Van Gogh

Starry night Van Gogh
eyes of China blue with slice
of ear missing too

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Where’s Renfield When You Really Need Him?

February 20, 2014 at 8:47 pm (Humour, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Where’s Renfield When You Really Need Him?

Dr. Cadbury Rocher scratched his head and some more dandruff fell out.

Damn! he thought.

Maybe he should start using that American brand Head and Shoulders shampoo instead of that expensive French shampoo that smelled like lavender robed in the blooming garb of spring which his wife bought for him in upscale downtown London hair salons on the recommendation of male hairstylists who did perpetual Truman Capote voice impersonations.

Back to the matter at hand.

He had intercepted two Italian secret service agents Giuseppe and Antonio last night who were trying to steal DNA samples from the Set Enterprises Laboratories lab.

But he had no idea how to interrogate them.

Renfield R. Renfield who was the Chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises was in France where he had been swept away by the gale force rain and wind storms that had been attacking Britain this past winter.

He was now in Paris living out the lives of various great artists who had lived in that city.

Last night he had been Toulouse-Lautrec.

Today he was Vincent Van Gogh.

Feeling a bit squeamish about cutting off his own ear, Renfield decided to cut off the ear of someone else instead.

He was now in a Paris courtroom facing charges of aggravated assault.

To be continued.

-A vampire novel chapter
written by Christopher
Thursday February 20th
2014.

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Pan Goatee and Neb-Senu

June 28, 2013 at 3:18 pm (The Supernatural, Vampire novel) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

Pan Goatee the serial killing satyr 

pan piper and roller skater 

half-man half goat 

he’ll slit your throat   

or maybe your gut 

but if you’ve got one testicle 

he’ll spare your nut 

he is wanted by DARPA 

because without a magic carpa’  

he can astral project 

like invisible stealth jet 

and wander across the globe 

cutting off an ear lobe  

and then added it to Van Gogh’s self-portrait 

 

causing museum curators to have a fit
and now he’s in a museum again
like it’s his personal play pen
saying to the statue of Neb-Senu
who some proposed to hold down with glue,
“Come astral project with me.”
Statue replied, “But first I have to pee.”
In the Manchester Museum’s washroom a great commotion
as Egyptian statue sings, “Come on do the locomotion…”

-Written by Christopher
Friday afternoon
June 28th 2013.

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